to have told the child in the supermarket to please stop staring

(210 Posts)
twilighteyes Mon 22-Jul-13 18:34:10

At the self service checkouts, I noticed a little girl (perhaps 7 or 8) looking at me. I had an "unexpected item" so assumed that was why she was looking, but then I became conscious of it and realised she was staring at me! I don't know why, as I wasn't wearing anything unusual and I don't think that I look remarkable, either in a positive or negative way.

As we were going out she was staring again and when I was getting into my car she and her mum (I presume) were getting into the one next to me and she was just staring. It was really making me feel uncomfortable and I said "hi, is there something I can help you with?" Girl turns scarlet, gets into the car and mum drives away. As I drove off she was staring again.

AIBU to think this is really rude? It made me feel really disconcerted (and yes I have checked and my skirt isn't in my pants or anything!)

celticclan Mon 22-Jul-13 18:37:55

YABU. She is only a child and for all you know she could have special needs. It's only staring you need to toughen up a bit.

Solari Mon 22-Jul-13 18:38:14

It could be anything really, maybe she was trying to figure out if you were someone she knew, or just looked a lot like them... or something equally innocent.

Having said that, I have an almost pathological urge to stare right back at someone if I catch them staring at me. No expression, just totally neutral and unblinking (I can go into not-blinking-mode). Get all sorts of different reactions to that one though!

FannyFifer Mon 22-Jul-13 18:39:16

Hands OP a grip.

Seriously, get over yourself.

How old?

Some children stare. I have a starer. No idea why he does it but I to tell him to stop.

You know those kids in restaurants that turn around on their seats and face you? Well he is one of those.

I dont like it either though. I normally pull a face at the kid grin

LalyRawr Mon 22-Jul-13 18:40:17

My daughter stares, and points!

Though she is only 16 months old and I do always apologise to the person if/when I notice it.

She is still a child though, I would have just ignored it.

twilighteyes Mon 22-Jul-13 18:41:35

Of course it was something innocent - I doubt she was eyeing me up wink but being stared at all the way through putting your shopping through, going out of the shop and then getting into your car is a little bit strange. Yes, she could have had special needs but I hardly yelled at her, I just asked if I could help her!

I guess I was just taught it was very rude to stare at people!

Lexiesinclair Mon 22-Jul-13 18:41:37

Would have been fine if she was an adult but she was a little girl fgs. Bloody hell.

GiddyStars Mon 22-Jul-13 18:41:52

YABU as she was 7 or 8. I remember being about this age on a bus and staring out the window (or I thought I was, I was just in a daydream) when an older lady shouted at me for staring at her. I hadn't even noticed her and felt so blush and upset as I was a child who didn't like to be 'naughty'. I stayed with me for ages obviously

If it were an adult then I'm all for 'what are you stating at?' showdowns.

twilighteyes Mon 22-Jul-13 18:42:30

Ah toddlers/pre-schoolers are different of course, I wouldn't mind that! But I do think by seven-ish most children would know that it isn't very pleasant to stare at somebody.

Ragwort Mon 22-Jul-13 18:42:51

Is there something going on about 'staring' today? confused.

Just answered another poster's comment about it.

Why not just smile and say 'hi'?

PoppyWearer Mon 22-Jul-13 18:43:38

Do you wear spectacles? I get a lot of children staring at me because of mine.

XBenedict Mon 22-Jul-13 18:43:55

I think maybe YABU. Just a smile would have been a better alternative, she was only 7 or 8.

Bloody Nora it was a child, hardly anything sinister or to get the heebie jeebies about. Unless she was carrying a chucky doll?

FanjoForTheMammaries Mon 22-Jul-13 18:44:31

Giddystars..yes that happened to me too.

It was awful.

DD gets stared at constantly especially if she is in her buggy.

Pretty much every child we see just gawps at her.

I wouldn't say anything but if they are really bad I just stand between DD and staring child.

I would have just.looked away from the girl, OP.

twilighteyes Mon 22-Jul-13 18:45:46

Giddy, but this was a bit different as I didn't shout but asked a polite question (admittedly one with a 'meaning' behind it) and also, it evidently wasn't a daydream sort of stare, it was one that went beyond three different settings (the self-service tills, walking out of the supermarket and then getting into the car.)

I don't think "hi" is THAT much different to "hi, is there something I can help you with?" really, is it?

usualsuspect Mon 22-Jul-13 18:46:38

I think the heat has sent everyone quite mad.

I'm with usual grin

NatashaBee Mon 22-Jul-13 18:47:46

I wouldn't like being stared at either, but I don't think i'd embarrass a child of that age by calling them out on it.

twilighteyes Mon 22-Jul-13 18:47:50

No, no glasses - I honestly can't think of anything I was doing, wearing or anything that was out of the ordinary whatsoever.

I accept I WBU though - I have anxiety, especially social anxiety and it does churn me up when this sort of thing happens. Yes, she's only a child but to be honest that isn't helpful when someone stares, it just makes me feel like crying to be totally honest (and it wasn't a daydreamy stare as I've said.)

ChippingInHopHopHop Mon 22-Jul-13 18:47:56

Be glad you don't have something about you that makes people stare more often.

She's a kid, really, do get a grip.

usual are you stalking me? grin

I wouldn't have asked a child if there was something they could help me with. That's a tad strange.

As I said I own a starer but tbh I think he just goes in to daydream mode

FannyMcNally Mon 22-Jul-13 18:48:19

Agree with other Fanny. Honestly, it's not illegal to stare.

thebody Mon 22-Jul-13 18:48:46

well next time stick your two fingers up!!

she was 7?? here's a grip op.😃

PrettyKitty1986 Mon 22-Jul-13 18:49:03

I would love to have a starer. As opposed to a child who gives a running commentary on everything.

Mummy-are-we-going-to-the-park-oh-my-gosh-mummy-look-at-that-mans-big-belly-mummy-why-does-that-lady-have-a-beard-mummy-WHY?

All very loudly.Yabu if the worst she did was state! At least she didn't list your bad points one by one!

I think just saying hello would have been more polite, yet still acknowledging you had seen her staring.

twilighteyes Mon 22-Jul-13 18:49:32

Natasha, I didn't embarrass her, I politely asked if there was something I could help her with.

I accept I was BU, all the same some people are acting like I snarled "stop fucking staring." I didn't, I asked a polite question after a good ten minutes of being STARED at.

AvonCallingBarksdale Mon 22-Jul-13 18:50:16

I don't think "hi" is THAT much different to "hi, is there something I can help you with?" really, is it

It is different, of course! Hi, on its own can be just that -a greeting. Your title says you told the child to please stop staring - but you didn't, did you? That might have been what you meant, but it's not what you said!! I think you went for the old safe PA response. Probably the weather!

Pretty my 3 year old is a starer commentator

Solari Mon 22-Jul-13 18:50:33

I think its your title OP, its asking if you would have been U to ask her to stop staring, and I think people are reacting to that more than the "hello, can I help you?"

WinkyWinkola Mon 22-Jul-13 18:53:55

I used to state at people at lot as a kid. They just fascinated me. My mum always told me off.

I can imagine it's disconcerting. You could grin back, wave, stick out your tongue, be friendly to break the staring 'spell' as it were.

MissStrawberry Mon 22-Jul-13 18:53:58

I don't think YWBU but maybe be upfront and ask why someone is looking at you rather than being a bit PA about.

ButchCassidy Mon 22-Jul-13 18:54:17

YABU
But it's hot and that can make everyone grumpy/on edge smile

twilighteyes Mon 22-Jul-13 18:54:35

I can assure you I did not intend in any way to be passive aggressive, I just wanted her to stop staring at me as I made my way out of the supermarket.

I do feel it is very rude to stand and stare at somebody, I accept it can happen by mistake as in a daydream and I accept that obviously toddlers do not know. But children of this age, I would have thought, would have known better - I don't think a polite reminder of the fact that people notice you are staring at them and that it is uncomfortable for the person on the receiving end is so terrible but obviously I am incorrect in that assumption. Thanks for replies.

ZolaBuddleia Mon 22-Jul-13 18:54:42

Do you have a beard? Children stare at my DP sometimes, and I hope think that's what it is. grin

OldBagWantsNewBag Mon 22-Jul-13 18:55:12

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

You didn't actually tell her what she was doing to annoy you, I doubt she got your question even.

ImperialBlether Mon 22-Jul-13 18:56:32

I don't think what you said was unreasonable. She'd know at that age that if she stared at a teacher in school like that then she'd be asked if something was up. She probably just hadn't realised she was staring and probably thought she knew you from somewhere.

ChippingInHopHopHop Mon 22-Jul-13 18:56:47

x-posted.

I am sorry you suffer from anxiety, but surely by now you know that and can make allowances for fairly normal behaviour from other people, especially young children.

I mean, maybe you look like a teacher from school or aunty maude or maybe she actually liked your top... kids are odd, don't take it personally.

carabos Mon 22-Jul-13 18:59:39

Try travelling in a remote bit of China - that'll show you the meaning of staring.

usualsuspect Mon 22-Jul-13 18:59:40

I wouldn't give a child gawping at me a second thought.

I probably Wouldn't even notice.

twilighteyes Mon 22-Jul-13 18:59:57

chipping, I honestly can't think of the last time a child stared at me for ten minutes plus especially when there has been movement in between.

Certainly, babies/toddlers have stared, and I've had children looking in my direction (as opposed to me personally) but I have never experienced this before and while I don't think she had any malicious intention, I also feel it was not polite.

twilighteyes Mon 22-Jul-13 19:01:22

usual, trust me, you'd have noticed this. it was very, very obvious - at one point she was walking slightly in front of me holding her mum's hand and had turned her head around to stare at me.

I did smile at that point in fact but she didn't smile back, just carried on staring.

Maybe she has some additional needs?

rainbowfeet Mon 22-Jul-13 19:02:53

You were very harsh, children stare, I'm glad it was my dc because I'd have told you to wind your neck in!!!

BettyBotter Mon 22-Jul-13 19:04:08

Perhaps she thought you looked beautiful.

AcrylicPlexiglass Mon 22-Jul-13 19:07:15

Sorry, agree with others and think it was a bit mean. 7 is still quite little.

ASmidgeofMidge Mon 22-Jul-13 19:07:26

But you did embarrass her; you mentioned up thread that she 'turned scarlet'. I would agree with previous posters: YABU

YouTheCat Mon 22-Jul-13 19:07:28

Children stare at my wondrous beauty. grin hmm

I just smile at them, that usually stops the little buggers.

Children stare. It is rude but it's not the end of the world and is much better dealt with with a smile and a 'hi' than anything more complicated.

She might have been looking at a necklace you were wearing or anything.

I see nothing wrong with what you asked her.

I think YABU by being bothered by a young child staring!

ASmidgeofMidge Mon 22-Jul-13 19:08:36

Maybe she perceived that you were staring at her?

A polite "Hi, is there something I can help you with?" is not harsh, at all.

mamij Mon 22-Jul-13 19:11:36

YABU.

Firstly, she's still young even if she's 7 or 8.

And secondly, she could have special needs.

We went camping last week, and this boy (maybe 12/13ish) couldn't stop staring at us while his parents put up their tent. We ended up inviting him to join our games - he has special needs.

Sparklingbrook Mon 22-Jul-13 19:12:37

sad poor child. Maybe she thought you had nice clothes or pretty hair?

QueenofKelsingra Mon 22-Jul-13 19:13:08

she's only a child! she was probably just curious about something! my ds always stares at blonde ladies, for no other reason than all the women in the family and my friends happen to be brunette and its a novelty for him. a 7 year old can hardly mean you any harm by staring. I understand anxiety (I hate it if I feel adults or teens are staring) but she is just a child.

WinkyWinkola Mon 22-Jul-13 19:13:13

Are you startlingly beautiful?

wigglesrock Mon 22-Jul-13 19:15:50

Why didn't you just say Hiya? That would have let her know that you were aware that she was staring and probably would have alerted her Mum to the fact that you felt her daughter was being rude.

You made a sarky comment to a 7 year old - who was looking at you for 10 mins in a public place - a bit unpleasant. I think the fact that you're asking means you know you overreacted.

YANBU

Yes she might have SN. Yes she's maybe a bit young, but actually maybe she was just rude or had never been told that staring is bad manners.

What you said wasn't harsh at all.

complexnumber Mon 22-Jul-13 19:20:25

Maybe she thought you had nice clothes or pretty hair?

Or a face like a bag of spanners?

quoteunquote Mon 22-Jul-13 19:20:36

It was unnecessary for you to make a child feel uncomfortable, you are an adult and should know better,

One of my autistic children does this, he is not conscious of doing it, and would devastated if someone spoke to him the way you did to that child.

very odd.

Parmarella Mon 22-Jul-13 19:23:16

Staring is only rude in the UK,

I keep forgetting, and stare at all the fascinating people around me.

On the continent, part of the fun of sitting outside with a drink is "people watching"!

Why is looking at people rude? People are interesting

floatyflo Mon 22-Jul-13 19:23:49

Bloody hell. I think you were rude not the child. What is wrong with some people?!

floatyflo Mon 22-Jul-13 19:24:52

grin complex

StepAwayFromTheEcclesCakes Mon 22-Jul-13 19:25:50

maybe she like your face/ hair/ cardigan/ lipstick etc etc... I often look closely at people for these very reasons and think they must worry about me if they catch me at it... I usually say oops sorry for staring but I love how you get your eyeliner so straight wish I could manage that (or whatever it is)

kali110 Mon 22-Jul-13 19:27:40

I dont think yabu you didn't shout at her. I get annoyed by kids when they continuously stare. I dont say anything i just stare back!you weren't rude or nasty just forget about it

perplexedpirate Mon 22-Jul-13 19:28:35

I'm going to go against the grain here and say that I think 7/ 8 years is plenty old enough to know that staring is rude.
You weren't nasty, or rude, you just asked her (sort of) why she was staring.
I think that's fair dos.

pianodoodle Mon 22-Jul-13 19:28:38

I think what you said seems a bit sarcastic for a child to necessarily get your meaning...

I'd have just left it TBH. She was only a little girl. She also could have been much younger than you guessed.

Viviennemary Mon 22-Jul-13 19:29:01

YABU. Lot's of children stare. Just ignore them. The child wasn't doing anything wrong and it wasn't up to you to correct her behaviour.

Procrastinating Mon 22-Jul-13 19:31:01

YABU. You were rude and very uptight indeed.

LoverOfTheLight Mon 22-Jul-13 19:31:22

You should have said "would you like a picture, it lasts longer?"

Or pulled a really scary face

Or stuck your fingers up

Not really, I'd have ignored her. Some times children just stare. I just stare back, turn it in to a bit of a competition grin

DoJo Mon 22-Jul-13 19:32:16

YABU - your anxiety isn't her problem, and whilst she may have made you feel uncomfortable surely you were about to remove yourself from the situation by the point you said something anyway so why bother? I can understand that it feels a little intrusive to be stared at, but it's not exactly annoying or upsetting, whereas it sounds like you did upset her by what you said. I think removing yourself from the situation would have been a more appropriate response or just ignoring her/making a funny face or similar.

NeoMaxiZoomDweebie Mon 22-Jul-13 19:33:54

I hate being stared at too and 7 or 8 is WAY old enough to know that it's rude.

Except in Italy where people stare at one another all day long.

NeoMaxiZoomDweebie Mon 22-Jul-13 19:35:13

Procrastinating how on earth was the OP "rude and uptight"?? She said "Hi...is there something I can help you with." not "fuck off you stary little horror".

ZZZenagain Mon 22-Jul-13 19:36:06

I don't think you were horrible. She probably just thought you looked nice

WinkyWinkola Mon 22-Jul-13 19:37:23

I don't think the op was out of order at all. She didn't frighten the girl and not was she rude.

The girl wasn't threatened in any way but she was behaving a bit strangely. It's fine and good for other grown ups to gently question this.

Procrastinating Mon 22-Jul-13 19:40:49

Neo by saying "Hi...is there something I can help you with." the OP actually MEANT "fuck off you stary little horror".

MrsDeVere Mon 22-Jul-13 19:41:08

Poor kid.
You did embarrass her, she went scarlet.
Why? To make your point.

She is only a kid ffs. She was looking at you. She wasn't being rude as in pointing and laughing, swearing or pushing in front of you.

Even if a kid does those things to me I don't immediately assume they are being rude.

I am old school about manners but I also have a kid with SN and work with kids with SN so that is my first thought.

If it turns out the child doesn't have SN all it means is that I have a pleasant interaction with a child and rather than a power struggle.

It doesn't mean they have got away with anything, they haven't 'won'.

They have learnt that other people can deal with their impolite behaviour in a grown up way.

If you had said what you said to my boy he would be mortified and it would take him days to get over it. He would still be talking about it it months later and would mention it every time we went near the shop.

Sleep404 Mon 22-Jul-13 19:49:55

It doesn't matter if she was SN or not, why get intimidated by a 7/8 year old? I'd just have smiled and then looked away. The fact that you kept noticing suggests you were staring at her too or at least repeatedly looking at her.

Yesterday, I went to the shops and caught at least 3 adults staring, all women. I put it down to the lovely top I was wearing and the fact that ds was dribbling down one side of it. Then I smiled politely and walked on.

ActionLog Mon 22-Jul-13 19:54:05

ACtually I have some sympathy for the OP. It is rude to stare and if NT the child is at an age where they should be learning this.

I had less sympathy for the woman in her 30s who recently whined in a stroppy tone worthy of a pre teen from a neighbouring restaurant table that my then 15 month old was staring at her and had been for at least one minute. I'd already turned the baby away and tried distraction but something was fascinating and baby was practically turned 180 to have a look. Fortunately food arrived at this moment and she was spared the further interest of a very young child.

pianodoodle Mon 22-Jul-13 19:56:10

*MrsDeVere - If it turns out the child doesn't have SN all it means is that I have a pleasant interaction with a child and rather than a power struggle.

It doesn't mean they have got away with anything, they haven't 'won'.

They have learnt that other people can deal with their impolite behaviour in a grown up way.*

This is what I was thinking. You were the adult in this situation. I think saying "is there anything I can help you with?" was another way of saying "what the hell are you looking at?" If she got that, then it would have been upsetting. If she didn't it might have just been scary and confusing.

If you have social anxieties yourself you should know better. If you were really being polite and friendly why not do it within earshot of the mum?

Xmasbaby11 Mon 22-Jul-13 20:13:00

I don't understand why it bothered you really - you know it's innocent. You probably looked like someone she knew or just interesting to her in some way. I would probably have smiled and started a conversation.

Emilythornesbff Mon 22-Jul-13 20:16:55

Well, a little girl was looking at you (normal behaviour)
And that made you feel very uncomfortable hmm
So you embarrassed the little girl with a passive aggressive comment confused
And (probably because your rudeness had made her even more curious) she stared again.

Yes, you were being unreasonable.

Kid "staring" at adult =normal, inoffensive.

Snoot Mon 22-Jul-13 20:19:46

Is it not being a little unkind to assume the child may have special needs but not the adult? Some people would find being stared at more stressful than others. I have an adult friend who is markedly autistic and struggles in unexpected or "rude" interactions, she's now deputy head of a primary school and probably what used to be called "strict". Doesn't make her a bad person. Manners are there to avoid this sort of situation and provide an accessible code of what is and isn't acceptable. OP YANBU as you clearly had no ill-intent.

thornrose Mon 22-Jul-13 20:21:47

My dd has Aspergers and she used to stare when she was younger. I constantly prompted her to stop staring but she really couldn't help it.

She still remembers a woman who got quite aggressive with me on the bus once about it sad

BlueStones Mon 22-Jul-13 20:22:17

Seems like a minority view, but also think YWNBU to politely ask if you could help her with something. You didn't snap or shout. 7 or 8 is old enough to know not to stare.

Emilythornesbff Mon 22-Jul-13 20:22:41

I would not imagine that a "staring" child had SN.

And saying"hi, is there anything I can help you with?" is passive aggressive. Unless you work in a shop and you're saying it to someone who has shown an interest in your wares.

Emilythornesbff Mon 22-Jul-13 20:23:43

But it's not something you should lose any sleep over. grin
IMHO.

Icelollycraving Mon 22-Jul-13 20:27:28

You do know the supermarket is haunted don't you? By serious staring little girl ghosts?

Seriously,I might notice but I'd have forgotten by the time I was out of the door.

Snoot Mon 22-Jul-13 20:34:19

She might not have been taught that to stare is rude which wouldn't be her fault but would be something she'd need to learn in time. I remember working with a couple who were recent immigrants and much more senior and older than I was as a recent graduate. My attempts to ask their guidance would be standing, silently behind them as we had been taught was polite with teachers, waiting to be acknowledged. They found this terrifying and extremely rude, it is not the done thing to "creep up" upon someone in their culture, you should cough some way away or otherwise let them know you're approaching. Odd but I needed to be told smile

WinkyWinkola Mon 22-Jul-13 20:41:30

I still don't think the op did anything wrong. The girl wasn't harmed and she's not a fragile glass ornament either. It's really no biggie.

calmingtea Mon 22-Jul-13 20:46:36

Bit of a passive aggressive way to deal with a young child, how odd of you.

justanuthermanicmumsday Mon 22-Jul-13 20:52:59

This thread is hilarious loool. my son is seven hes a kid. If he were staring at you and your replied in the manner you said believe me you would get a reply from him he's an annoying smart Alec.

She was a kid i would have said hello nothing more, me thinks ou scared the kid.

Like solari if someone stares i can't help but stare back without blinking its like a rabbit caught in headlights lool

CrabbyBigBottom Mon 22-Jul-13 21:03:59

grin grin at some of the bonkers replies on this thread!

YANBU to find it odd, and I don't think your comment was horrible or 'rude and uptight', just a little bit of an adult phrase to use with a child. Do you have kids yourself? At its worst, what you said was a very mild admonishment for a socially unacceptable behaviour. Are 8 yr old children such delicate little flowers now that we can't speak to them or gently correct their behaviour without terrifying them/scarring them for life?

I'd have smiled in the first instance, then if it continued I'd probably pulled a silly face or grinned at her and said 'am I very interesting?'. Or if I was in a shitty mood I may have stared unblinkingly back with a raised eyebrow. I'm an 'orrible child scarer, me. wink

EmmelineGoulden Mon 22-Jul-13 21:10:53

I don't really see the problem with an adult asking a kid a question if it wasn't done unkindly. In fact asking "is there something I can help you with" (assuming a kind tone of voice) is the perfect way to let kids know they exist in a world with other human beings. It will probably do a lot more than her mother telling her "don't stare" yet again. It's hardly going to scar her.

TartyMcTart Mon 22-Jul-13 22:03:27

YANBU. She was 7 so should know it's rude to stare. If she was embarrassed by what you saud then good as she won't do it again then, will she?

FannyMcNally Mon 22-Jul-13 22:10:45

Love that 7 year olds should 'know' stuff!

justmyview Mon 22-Jul-13 22:13:58

In a moment, I'm sure someone will start a thread about rude children who don't make eye contact with adults. Some people are easily offended

CrabbyBigBottom Mon 22-Jul-13 22:15:59

Really Fanny, you don't think that a 7 yr old should and does know stuff? confused They know loads of stuff!

TartyMcTart Mon 22-Jul-13 22:16:17

Of course they should know 'stuff' at 7 years old! We're not talking about a 2 year old.

cheerfulweather Mon 22-Jul-13 22:17:52

She was a child for goodness sake. What on earth did you hope to achieve with your 'what you lookin' at?" comment?

FannyMcNally Mon 22-Jul-13 22:17:56

But they don't just 'know' it. Someone has to tell them!

CrabbyBigBottom Mon 22-Jul-13 22:23:01

Er, I think that was the point - they should know because they should have been told by their parents that it's rude to stare.

DoctorRobert Mon 22-Jul-13 22:24:57

You asked a 7 year old whether there was something you could help her with?

YWBU and the rude one was you, not the young child.

NeoMaxiZoomDweebie Mon 22-Jul-13 22:25:17

Procrastinating duh yes...but she never SAID it.

CloudsAndTrees Mon 22-Jul-13 22:30:18

YANBU, and I think the heat must be seriously getting to some people. I don't believe anybody would feel 100% comfortable with being stared at for as long as described in the OP.

Yes it's a child and there's lots of understandable reasons why she might be doing it, but it would still feel weird. 7ish years old is enough to have been taught not to stare like that.

FannyMcNally Mon 22-Jul-13 22:32:16

Why? Children should be told that picking their nose and eating it is 'socially unacceptable behaviour' as well but many aren't. There isn't a manual of Things You Must Tell Your Children by a certain age. What is 'staring' anyway? When does 'looking' turn into 'staring'? Lots of children will be able to understand that early on but many won't. Poor girl!

WheresMeJumperOhNo Mon 22-Jul-13 22:34:14

When I read the title I was all for saying YANBU as my DS is a "starer" and I explain it is rude etc to no avail but often think if someone he was bothering actually asked him to stop it may make him feel just as uncomfortable and maybe make him stop it!
However, YABU as you didn't ask this child to stop staring, you asked them a really odd question which they probably didn't understand.

FannyMcNally Mon 22-Jul-13 22:35:50

What I don't understand is whether the op told the girl to 'stop staring' (as in the title) or asked if she could help her. Either way, I think being bothered by a child staring is odd. Op must have been staring at her for most of that time to realise anyway.

soimpressed Mon 22-Jul-13 22:41:13

I'm surprised a small child could make you feel this uncomfortable! If a child was staring at me I would just smile or pull a funny face to make them laugh.

AmberLeaf Mon 22-Jul-13 22:43:34

But you didn't ask her to stop staring did you? you asked a passive aggressive question which probably went totally over her head, but as you turned her scarlet you obviously said it in such a way as to make her feel uncomfortable.

Lots of kids stare.

Ive had kids stare at me, sometimes a smile will get a smile back and they look away, then you get them looking back coyly for another smile...im happy to oblige with a few free smiles for their trouble.

Then you get the frowny starers who when smiled at started to frown, they get a poked out tongue from me and I move on. [though sometimes the tongue poking out gets a smile out of them!]

I understand you have anxiety problems OP, but I do thnk you were a little harsh with her, I always look at peoples intentions and its highly likely that she meant no harm.

valiumredhead Mon 22-Jul-13 22:43:49

You should've stuck your tongue out at her, that would have stopped herwink

WinkyWinkola Mon 22-Jul-13 22:47:04

Saying 'stop staring' would upset the child.

What she said wouldn't surely? I'm sure the child at 7/8 understands the question. Not necessarily the subtext though.

shock I can't believe how mean you were to a CHILD. Get over yourself please!

CrabbyBigBottom Mon 22-Jul-13 23:35:22

comedycentral well you certainly made me laugh, though that probably wasn't what you were intending. Get over yourself indeed! grin

Cravey Mon 22-Jul-13 23:51:00

Got to say if you had said that t my child you would be getting a nice big mouthful back from me. How horrid. That little girl could have had special needs. Or failing that she could have just been a little girl that you ( the adult ) bullied. Rude and horrid.

Cravey Mon 22-Jul-13 23:52:09

Oh and re your anxiety issues. You do realise you may well have just started issues in that little girl ???

Fakebook Tue 23-Jul-13 00:06:39

You didn't really tell her to stop staring did you? You just asked her what you could help her with confused....and then she carried on staring.

Fakebook Tue 23-Jul-13 00:08:25

That little girl could have had special needs. Or failing that she could have just been a little girl that you ( the adult ) bullied. Rude and horrid.

The OP asked her if she could help her with something...is that bullying? Flipping hell, talk about overreacting.

Dylanlovesbaez Tue 23-Jul-13 00:13:08

I think you were quite mean really. Children in my class do this all the time.

CrabbyBigBottom Tue 23-Jul-13 00:15:07

Bullied!

grin

I think the heat's driven everyone demented!

cheerfulweather Tue 23-Jul-13 00:31:48

Slightly passive aggressive rather than bullying. Rightly or wrongly, she was just a young girl, staring, like some children do <shrugs>

I agree that sticking tongue out was the only correct response, if one was needed.

Morloth Tue 23-Jul-13 00:56:19

Snort its like when the kids are arguing and I get: "Muuuuuuum he is looking at me".

I always stick my tongue out at kids. Their reactions make me laugh.

CrabbyBigBottom Tue 23-Jul-13 09:38:01

Crossing your eyes whilst poking out tongue works well too. And wiggling your ears. wink

HenriettaPye Tue 23-Jul-13 10:02:03

I'm confused. So you said 'hi is there anything I can help you with?'

Then why does it say in your title you asked her to stop staring please?

Two completely different things

emuloc Tue 23-Jul-13 10:16:36

You should not have said anything to her if you could not be civil. What sort of question is that to ask a child you were rude full stop.

Cravey Tue 23-Jul-13 10:23:41

Come off it. If you were shopping with your child and someone said this to your child you would have all gone mental. Along with screaming about perverts and child snatchers. The op is clearly a loon. Simple.

cheerfulweather Tue 23-Jul-13 11:01:08

"I'm confused. So you said 'hi is there anything I can help you with?'

Then why does it say in your title you asked her to stop staring please?"

^ This

So which is it, OP?

Samu2 Tue 23-Jul-13 11:13:38

My 10 year old worries me. He stares at people, he so very nosy he has been known to stop dead on the street just to listen to people walking by blush

I tell him off every time he does it and we talk about it all the time, but if I don't notice him doing it then people might wonder why this kid is staring at them. He is a --nosy parker--people watcher who hasn't managed the art of subtlety.

He's not trying to be rude, he just finds everyone and every conversation amazing. He will grow up to be the neighbourhood watch I am sure.

ComposHat Tue 23-Jul-13 11:31:14

christ almighty op you sound a right charmer!

skylit Tue 23-Jul-13 11:34:17

I hate kids that stare, makes me want to pull faces at them.

LouiseSmith Tue 23-Jul-13 11:34:46

You could of just smiled at her. Children stare its what they do.

Its a long way up on that pedestal isn't it.

digerd Tue 23-Jul-13 11:41:45

My DM taught us that staring at that age was rude- but I was not aware that I was staring.
Now I don't think I'd be aware of a child staring at me as my thoughts are elsewhere < usually all over the place>. And if I did, it wouldn't bother me as only a young child, different if an adult.
IMO you over reacted.

miffybun73 Tue 23-Jul-13 11:52:44

The child was 7 or 8, not 2.

If they don't know by now that staring is rude and that it makes people feel uncomfortable then it's about time they did.

Fairly basic social skill that my 5 year old can cope with.

Disclaimer - maybe the child either had SN, otherwise no excuse.

YANBU OP.

BatwingsAndButterflies Tue 23-Jul-13 12:30:35

It is rude to stare and it does no harm at all to let children be aware of that

One of the children (age 11) I work with asked me how much I earned recently (in context of a conversation about tax and wages). I did tell her but also explained gently that it was considered rude to ask people what they earn. I'm sure she will remember for the future and save herself some embarrassment.

CrabbyBigBottom Tue 23-Jul-13 17:04:34

So a question for all the loons posters who think that the op was being unforgivably rude to this poor delicate child...

If the child had been staring at another child (or adult) with an obvious disability, would it still be absolutely fine, just what kids do, etc etc?

CrabbyBigBottom Tue 23-Jul-13 17:05:39

Come off it. If you were shopping with your child and someone said this to your child you would have all gone mental. Along with screaming about perverts and child snatchers.

Er... no, no I wouldn't.

Gruntfuttock Tue 23-Jul-13 17:15:28

Cravey
"Got to say if you had said that t my child you would be getting a nice big mouthful back from me. How horrid. That little girl could have had special needs. Or failing that she could have just been a little girl that you ( the adult ) bullied. Rude and horrid.

What an extreme and completely OTT response. The OP neither raised her voice nor swore at the child. I can't see anything "rude and horrid" in what she said. You, on the other hand, sound charming. "A nice big mouthful" eh?

MrsDeVere Tue 23-Jul-13 17:30:36

The child wasn't though was she?
She was looking at the OP.

And if the child is all delicate and precious, what does that make the OP who cannot cope with a primary age child looking at her for a bit?

ComposHat Tue 23-Jul-13 18:21:54

"A nice big mouthful"

I probably have an incredibly juvenile semse of humour but that made me do my high pitched Kenneth Williams laugh.

Ain't she bold?

twilighteyes Tue 23-Jul-13 18:50:36

I agree my title is misleading but what happened was pretty much exactly as I described in my first post - after a good ten minutes of her staring at me I asked her if there was anything I could help with. sorry if others feel it was rude and horrid and I have upset her, this wasn't my intention but I will admit I did want her to stop staring as it was making me uncomfortable. I have only recently come out of hospital and it's difficult sometimes going about my daily business as I do imagine people are staring at me when they are not. so when they do even when it's "only" a child it's hard. in fact in some ways it's harder when it is a child as children tend to be more honest than adults so i'm afraid I did find myself imagining what on earth it was. anyway I am sorry for anyone I've offended, but I really don't think I said anything that bad.

wilkos Tue 23-Jul-13 19:00:52

Poor little girl sad it was a passive aggressive thing to say and you shouldn't have said it.

CrabbyBigBottom Tue 23-Jul-13 19:04:29

You didn't, twilight, you didn't say anything that bad at all. It is rude to stare at other people, and children should be taught not to do things that make others feel uncomfortable and upset. You said something that was mildly reproachful after she'd been staring at you for for ten minutes. If you embarrassed her, hopefully it will help her remember next time that if you stare continuously at a stranger, there might be an outcome you don't like. Good lesson to learn, and one learned in a very gentle way. The next person she does that to might be a lot less gentle in how they react. Don't listen to the absurd overreactions on this thread - put it down to the heat. wink

why ask aibu if you clearly think you weren't.

CrabbyBigBottom Tue 23-Jul-13 19:07:52

MrsDV and if noone ever pulls her up on staring at others (considering how vulnerable the op has said that she currently is, she may have been picking up on something there), how will she know that it's unacceptable (as her parent clearly wasn't doing anything about it) to stare at those with more obvious differences or disabilities?

Maybe you had a bogey on your face.

Emilythornesbff Tue 23-Jul-13 19:09:40

So.... "aibu?"
"yes, a bit"
"no. Actually ianbu"

Ok.

It wasn't really a biggie anyway tbh.

Emilythornesbff Tue 23-Jul-13 19:14:11

Out of interest why do think she might have been staring at you?

Because if you have just undergone some disfiguring procedure, for example, then I can totally see why you said what you did. But then I can't imagine why you would ask if you were u. IYSWIM.

twilighteyes Tue 23-Jul-13 19:28:14

Emily she was definitely staring at me and actually I have accepted I was being unreasonable, however I don't accept I was nasty as actually I was very polite. I didn't think this thread would evoke such strong responses actually but nowhere have I said no I'm not being unreasonable, I've just said I wasn't rude which I wasn't.

WinkyWinkola Tue 23-Jul-13 19:33:58

CrabbyBigBottom, I love your name and I agree with you.

twilighteyes Tue 23-Jul-13 19:35:27

thanks, like I say I accept I was unreasonable if I was, but I definitely wasn't rude, I just really, really wanted the staring to stop.

CrabbyBigBottom Tue 23-Jul-13 19:37:02

Thank you Winky, I've lost a stone and a half since the beginning of May (thank you BIWI's bootcamp) so it isn't quite as big as it used to be, but I like the name so I'm not changing it! grin

Emilythornesbff Tue 23-Jul-13 19:37:13

Oh. Ok.
Sorry twilight I misunderstood.

Emilythornesbff Tue 23-Jul-13 19:39:09

And as I has said before. Even if u, it wasn't that bad IMHO.

MrsDeVere Tue 23-Jul-13 19:57:07

crabby how do you know that no one ever has?
You cannot assume that because she looked at one person in a way that made them feel uncomfortable, that she does it all the time.

She is a young child. Her parents might have told her and she just forgot. If she is anything like my DS2 she may need months and months of work before she gets it.
She might just be having an off day.

It is unusual (to say the least) for a NT/non SN child to stare for a prolonged period at a person for no reason.

There's a million reasons why a child might stare, perhaps you look like someone she's knows, your hair colour or style, you clothes etc.... I'm pretty sure she didn't mean it personally.

twilighteyes Tue 23-Jul-13 20:55:01

I acknowledged that onestep but it doesn't make it any less uncomfortable when someone stares at you for ten minutes, i accept i was unreasonable to question her about it, but it was a pretty unpleasant experience for me as well and other posters can pooh pooh that as much as they want, but it made me highly anxious and close to tears. they're the facts, sorry if that makes me pathetic but it did.

CrabbyBigBottom Tue 23-Jul-13 21:04:18

MrsDV I didn't say that noone ever has. confused
Is it really unusual for people to stare? Because I've heard lots of accounts of people, child or adult, staring at people with obvious differences. They do that because it's natural to be interested in things that are different and outside your normal sphere of experience. But to avoid embarrassing the person concerned, it's a social norm to not stare at them to fulfill our own curiosity. That social norm may be much harder for some to learn than others, but nevertheless it's still a social norm that children are and should be taught.

For me personally, a child staring at me wouldn't particularly bother me (unless I were having a low day (longstanding depression and anxiety in which case they'd get the eyebrow stare mentioned earlier grin); I think a more appropriate response might be a silly face or, as I said earlier, a friendly grin and a 'Hello, am I very interesting?'

But do I think twilight has permanently injured this little staring flower?
No I fucking don't, how ridiculous! hmm She said 'is there something I can help you with?' not 'stop staring at me you little twat'! It was a mildly reproachful (yet still perfectly polite - children aren't good at reading the subtleties of statements, passive aggressive or otherwise) response to a socially unacceptable behaviour. If a child can't deal with that then she ain't going to get far in life imo.

This is just such a ridiculous thread, I don't know why on earth I've just typed such a lengthy reply! I'm overheated, I tell you, overheated! grin

Whothefuckfarted Tue 23-Jul-13 21:04:58

Maybe she knows you from a past life.

grin

I just make a silly face at kids who stare.

sparklesandbling Tue 23-Jul-13 21:10:25

I think staring is rude and I say that as a mum to DD who has SN, people stare at her all the time. But by people I mean adults.

A child of 7 may not have the same upbringing as you and not know staring is rude. The child may have SN, seems likely.

If I was you OP I would get some help (in the nicest of ways) re anxiety issues.

twilighteyes Tue 23-Jul-13 21:12:58

i have spent 6 weeks in hospital sparkles and i am better than i was, however getting better doesn't mean cured smile of course she may have had special needs of some sort but it was unpleasant to be on the receiving end of it, really, regardless of the reasons for it.

sparklesandbling Tue 23-Jul-13 21:18:35

Sorry you are having a hard time twilighteyes.

Whilst I don't think that what you said was wrong, for parents of children with SN it can get them on the defensive. I think I would have been but only because having a child with SN is really stressful especially when doing the normal things like shopping.

Recovery as you know is a slow process and I hope you find some peace in the future.

Twilight, I mean this in the nicest possible way but it was child of seven years old, if your anxiety is that severe that you were close to tears then perhaps you need some help? I saying this in a totally non sarcastic way x

twilighteyes Tue 23-Jul-13 21:20:38

well, her mum was putting the shopping away but someone said earlier i wouldn't have said it in front of the mum - i would have, i wasn't rude at all, i am not a rude person, never have been.

thank you for your kind wishes, i do feel better than I did but I am still struggling with getting 'out there' smile

twilighteyes Tue 23-Jul-13 21:22:46

onestep, i was in hospital, i have had help, but it's an ongoing process, it's not something that happens overnight really, and yes the child was seven but honestly someone starung at you for ten minutes solid, when you're doing an ordinary thing like buying food, putting food away, well it's disconcerting put it that way and ok i maybe wouldn't have got so upset if it wasn't for anxiety and depression anyway but whatever the 'issues' it was really, really unpleasant.

1944girl Tue 23-Jul-13 21:35:10

According to my mother I was a child who stared.
My one and only memory of my paternal grandfather was being taken to visit my dad's parents when I was about four.I can still remember seeing a man sitting eating his dinner whom I was told was my ''daddy's daddy''.He never spoke to me and my mother quickly took me out of the room.The reason she did this was because I was staring at him and he was known to not like being stared at.This was just before my grandmother and him went their separate ways and I never saw him again.
Sorry to bring this up, but whenever I hear about a child staring it reminds me of this long ago encounter with my paternal grandfather.

MrsDeVere Tue 23-Jul-13 21:38:34

crabby I didn't say she had permanently injured her confused

ProphetOfDoom Tue 23-Jul-13 21:41:20

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

ProphetOfDoom Tue 23-Jul-13 21:42:57

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Hope things get easier for you twilight.

Been thinking about this and I think kids staring is sometimes because they 'fixate' on something without even realising, it can be the smallest thing. But I agree that the best way to stop a child starter is to catch their eye and smile or pull a funny face or push it and stick a tongue out.

CrabbyBigBottom Tue 23-Jul-13 21:52:17

MrsDV I didn't mean to imply that you did... I'm just sayin'.

wilkos Tue 23-Jul-13 23:56:06

It made you want to cry?? A 7 year old girl staring made you want to cry?

And so because of YOUR anxiety that you are unable to keep a handle on, that she as a stranger and a child had no idea of, you made her ashamed?

FFS... well done OP, well done sad

PugStaffyCross Tue 23-Jul-13 23:59:48

Yabu, get a grip OP. A child staring at you.... So what? You were obviously looking at her just as much.

RonaldMcDonald Wed 24-Jul-13 00:13:40

When I read your OP twilight I wondered how you were feeling?
Many people might not have been bothered by a child staring others would, to differing extents.

You may have been a little tiny but rude.
The child will get over it.

I hope that you are okay

CrabbyBigBottom Wed 24-Jul-13 00:13:55

wilkos what a nasty post. hmm

Actually a whole thread of nasty posts. Shame some of you don't have the same compassion for adults that you profess to have for kids.

wilkos Wed 24-Jul-13 00:28:41

Crabby, she was unpleasant to the child. A 7 year old.

YANBU to be upset by staring, YABU to attempt to shame a little girl.

brokenhearted55 Wed 24-Jul-13 00:28:44

I used to do it all the time as a child. Don't know why. Curiosity perhaps. I remember as clear as day a similar incident when I was little.

We were walking behind this lady who was carrying something weird looking to me. We were some distance behind her and I couldn't see what it was. she had a huge bag with a long pole in it sticking up. We walked fast so as we got close i saw it was a bag of need curtains and a curtain pole. mystery solved I thought. I kept looking at the bag and at the lady. i was only about 6-7.

She finally turned on my mother and said why is she staring at me like some kind of side show. She laid into my mother and i was really upset. I remember the exact words spoken over 25 years later and that says it all. I was curious about the ladys bag, I didn't know I was being rude, i didn't know i was staring or making anyone feel uncomfortable. i was a little Girl and I meant no harm.

Who knows why kids do what they do. All op had to do was ignore.

brokenhearted55 Wed 24-Jul-13 00:29:31

* new curtains sorry.

thornrose Wed 24-Jul-13 00:34:12

Broken, my (SN) dd did it a lot too, as I said up thread.

I've been turned on by people demanding to know why dd is staring and she still remembers the worst occasions.

I agree that ignoring would surely be the "grown up" option.

brokenhearted55 Wed 24-Jul-13 00:37:14

When children stare at me I smile at them. Either they smile back or stop staring. They are only children, we should lead by example.

MyBaby1day Wed 24-Jul-13 05:14:29

YANBU, staring is rude, I get it a lot and sometimes all the time presume it's cause I'm a half Asian girl, normally just stare right back. Yes she's a child but it's still not acceptable behaviour.

doireallywant3 Wed 24-Jul-13 05:27:28

You should try the metro or any other European public transport. People stare, they just know you aren't native. Then they stare some more and you feel so paranoid it's ridiculous. Then the next time, you realise that they just have no shame, or concept of 'personal space' (a la Patrick swayze in dirty dancing). That's how they are. Kids are the same. Nothing personal. YANBU but still, get over it! Really the are probably thinking that you have really nice hair, or that you look like their cousin, or that they wish they could ask you where your top is from, or wish they had your fab boobs(that's just me)

doireallywant3 Wed 24-Jul-13 05:30:32

Just retread your post, seriously, a child staring at you? She probably thought you were a goddess for whatever reason you are too modest to know! Usually if a kid thinks you are odd they wil say something inappropriate. If they just stare they are in awe of you... Take it as a compliment and worry about something more serious

EatYourCrusts Wed 24-Jul-13 05:35:30

She could have been a tall 5 year old. A boy on the train, about 13, told off my just 4 year old for staring at him. He said she was weird. My 4 year old was quite frightened by this. She is tall and I am short, people often think she should be acting older than she does. sad

That boy was just incredibly rude too, unfortunately.

Anyway OP, I think you should have just let it go, to be honest.

twilighteyes Wed 24-Jul-13 06:46:30

Ok, yes, grip, got, pathetic, yes, I get it, I get it, I've said IABU but I did not say anything t first it was after ten minutes of prolonged staring, I did not tell her off, I was not rude, it was unsettling me, I get this makes me not only unreasonable but a complete failure of a human being GOT IT

WinkyWinkola Wed 24-Jul-13 06:55:23

Twilight eyes, I'm sorry but the posters saying you were out of order are wrong. And ott.

twilighteyes Wed 24-Jul-13 07:10:04

thank you winky, I'm sorry others have had experiences with people being rude to them/their children for staring but I WASN'T. And, I DID ignore it to start with, but after TEN MINUTES yes I was feeling pretty paranoid and unsettled by it. honestly, try it some time, you may find its not as easy to laugh off as you may think.

WinkyWinkola Wed 24-Jul-13 07:16:03

Well you're allowed to feel unsettled by it. I think most would after ten minutes of it.

Now forget about it and I reckon leave this thread because it's going nowhere. Next time post in chat or something.

twilighteyes Wed 24-Jul-13 07:22:44

thanks smile

RabbitFromAHat Wed 24-Jul-13 07:25:50

Assuming you weren't sarky and unpleasant in your delivery (which it doesn't sound like you were) I don't think you've done anything wrong at all OP, and some people here are being madly OTT. Nobody wants to be dropped into The Children of the Corn! grin

At the same time, what a bizarre list of things there seems to be to 'get wrong' in behaviour in Britain. At what point does people-watching, one of the world's oldest and most fun activities, turn into what's called 'staring'? Who decides it's rude? And if there's a point at which it's suddenly 'rude', how is 7 year old supposed to work out when that is? Straaaaange.

I am not British. grin

MrsDeVere Wed 24-Jul-13 07:44:25

There was no mention of your illness and related anxiety issues in your OP.
Seems strange not to mention such an important issue considering your reaction to a little girl.
Particularly in AIBU.

Pozzled Wed 24-Jul-13 08:07:50

OP, I think you YWNBU and I struggle to understand why people have reacted so strongly.

The situation you describe would also have made me uncomfortable. I don't have anxiety issues but I do have fairly low self-esteem sometimes and being stared at for so long would make me feel quite paranoid about what was wrong.

I'm also confused by the comments of 'she was 7, they do stare'. I honestly didn't realise it was considered normal for children this age to stare. I haven't noticed it myself.

I can understand that the child might have had SN- I would probably have made that assumption (rightly or wrongly) and therefore would not have reacted.

But I think that unless the OP used a rude/sarcastic tone then what she said was fine. Certainly not something to be attacked for.

WinkyWinkola Wed 24-Jul-13 08:50:51

But her illness and anxiety have nothing to do with the issue of a child who was being a wee bit rude even if she didn't realise it.

The op didn't tell her off but a gentle admonishment would not have been out of order here.

I hope someone would do the same for my child if I hadn't noticed they were staring so much.

I thought it took a village and all that...

BlueStones Wed 24-Jul-13 09:03:42

I also think some posters have been way OTT. Twilight- for what it's worth I still think what you said was quite acceptable and even normal. This is how children learn - by adults NICELY letting them know where behavioural boundaries lie.

propertyNIGHTmareBEFOREXMAS Wed 24-Jul-13 09:28:58

Yabu, OP. she is just a child and not causing you any real distress. If you had been in a wheelchair or had an obvious 'difference' then I could be sympathetic to you feeling uncomfortable at being stared at. As it is though the girl was probably looking at you because you reminded her if someone she knows. No biggie and not worthy of drama.

EatYourCrusts Wed 24-Jul-13 09:32:13

Oh hang on, I meant the boy was rude as well as thinking DD was older, not rude as well as you!
Though I do think you overreacted.

propertyNIGHTmareBEFOREXMAS Wed 24-Jul-13 09:33:37

And to add, a similar thing happened to me a couple if years ago. A 11 to 12 year old boy stood and stared at me for about 10 minutes. It culminated in home coming over and literally hugging me as hard as he could. I hugged him back, he was clearly upset. His carer helped him to let go and explained I looked like his big sister. I was not remotely offended. No harm meant or done.

MrsDeVere Wed 24-Jul-13 09:47:39

Of course they are winky because the OP had an unusually strong reaction to a child looking at her. She didn't just think it was rude. She felt paranoid and very uncomfortable
Because she is very anxious and has been unwell.

That makes her reaction understandable and it would have been helpful to have that information in the OP. Not at the end of a thread in which she asked if she had Been Unreasonable.

When I am feeling unwell I often feel that I am being looked at by strangers. I feel self conscious and feel I am being judged for everything from my hair to my children.
I realise that I feel like that because of my illness, not because I am actually being judged and stared at.

Emilythornesbff Wed 24-Jul-13 09:54:37

As an aside, I'm surprised by the strength of feeling about looking at people / staring being so unforgivably rude..
Like it's akin to throwing poo.
That's very rude.

Katnisscupcake Wed 24-Jul-13 09:54:39

twilight, YABU to put this in AIBU because it's clearly something that unsettled you. Sorry that you've had a flaming.

I would have felt exactly the same but probably wouldn't have said anything because I also have self-esteem issues and may not have liked the answer. Crazy isn't it? They're just children, but some people are effected by anyone staring.

I do also think that by that age, DC should know that staring is rude. I certainly did by that age... DD knows it now and she's just turned 4.

twilighteyes Wed 24-Jul-13 10:11:12

Thanks. Mrs d it wasn't relevant at the time as I hadn't had people saying I was pathetic, get a fucking grip; I also didn't want people saying I imagined it. I didn't. Fwiw I am fairly accurate at age-ing kids as I was a primary teacher before I became too unwell to go back. And no before you ask she wasn't a student as that was a long long way from here.

MrsDeVere Wed 24-Jul-13 10:21:49

Why would i ask if she was a student? confused

Of course it was relevant. You posted on AIBU. If you drip feed information you will get answers that refer to the information you give.

It is setting people up to look mean and nasty if you then come back and tell everyone how ill you have been.

Its really not a very nice thing to do.

WinkyWinkola Wed 24-Jul-13 11:34:50

I think if a kid stares at you For ten minutes it's unsettling. Whether you have anxiety issues or not.

And of course it's not akin to throwing poo hmm but it's not really acceptable to stare at people and make them uncomfortable. Even if you are a kid of 7.

Bonkers on this thread. There was no violence. No aggression. No raised voice. And you're acting like she abused the child. Crackers.

Gruntfuttock Wed 24-Jul-13 11:45:11

Quite agree, Winky (and have said similar) but I particularly noticed the poster who said "if you had said that to my child you would be getting a nice big mouthful back from me." which made me think that she may well have shouted and sworn at the OP!

Mind you, I absolutely love babies and toddlers and often automatically smile when I see a them, e.g. in a supermarket, only to realise the mother or father they're with are looking at me as if they want to give me "a nice big mouthful" for daring to notice their child. confused

MrsMongoose Wed 24-Jul-13 13:37:36

What if she was staring because she thought you were breathtakingly beautiful? Are you than insecure OP that you needed to worry so much about a child's gaze?

Gruntfuttock Wed 24-Jul-13 13:45:52

Being stared at for a solid 10 minutes would make anyone uncomfortable, IMO, but I realise I'm in the minority.

MrsDeVere Wed 24-Jul-13 13:50:45

The OP asked a question. The vast majority of the responses have been on the mild side of 'think you were a bit OTT tbh'

The odd 'you are bonkers and mean'

and some agreeing with her.

This is AIBU. She hasn't been flamed. She has had answers.

Emilythornesbff Wed 24-Jul-13 14:26:37

No. I don't think anyone is "*acting like she abused the child*"

ViviPru Wed 24-Jul-13 14:30:02

What's an 'unexpected item?'

Emilythornesbff Wed 24-Jul-13 14:32:23

Oh vivipru thank you.
I have wanted to ask that from the start.

Cravey Wed 24-Jul-13 14:37:16

It was me who said about getting a mouthful. I think I said it as I read the op as maybe slightly bullying. I may have been wrong I admit that but still don't understand the logic of the op. op didn't mention anxiety issues etc until later on in fact she came across as a little odd. As others have said maybe the child had issues herself, no need to say anything IMO apart from maybe give the kid a grin. Which the op didn't. I wouldn't have sworn or shouted by the way maybe just asked what the issue appeared to be. I also think the op should have enquired to the child's carer not the child.

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