to remove this possible sexual predator from my and my son's life

(75 Posts)
xalyssx Sat 20-Jul-13 22:04:59

A guy 3 years younger than me has been attracted to me for a while apparently, we have been sort of friends for years but never particularly close. He often comes in the library where I work and so does his mother, she is very friendly towards me. Last year he walked home with me and my son as he lives near my friend's house where I was staying. I said goodbye to him and pushed the pram down the back alley. He followed me. He pushed me up against the wall and tried to kiss me. I screamed no at him but he ignored me, and I only managed to fight him off because he had a broken arm. That evening I told him on Facebook that his behaviour was unacceptable and that if he ever tried to talk to me again I would tell his respectable best friend. I also told my boss what happened. A couple of months down the line he tries to flirt with me again and I do actually talk to his friend about everything. Last week I was hanging out with my friends and my son, when he shows up and gets drawn into the group. As it has been a year without any contact I don't make a big deal about it. When everyone starts to leave, my medication starts playing up and I nearly pass out. He is the only person who is able to stay, so he walks me and my son to the train station, and waits with us for the train. He then starts talking about how much he loves me. I say 'oh thank you I really appreciate the sentiment' (I am not quite myself yet at this point.) He then says that he will prove it - and then promptly pulls his ding-dong out and waves it in my direction. .. what do I do next time I see him? I have told my boss about this.

HollyBerryBush Sat 20-Jul-13 22:07:57

Why haven't you told the police about it?

squoosh Sat 20-Jul-13 22:08:36

Well this is easy.

Call the police.

He's flashed at you, he's assaulted you and he sounds demented.

sittinginthesun Sat 20-Jul-13 22:09:22



MalcolmTuckersMum Sat 20-Jul-13 22:12:01

His 'ding dong'? Really?

Purplecatti Sat 20-Jul-13 22:12:41

Police. He is a total weirdo.

SarahStrattonIsBackForJustABit Sat 20-Jul-13 22:14:09

When everyone starts to leave, my medication starts playing up and I nearly pass out.

What? GP and police.

SarahStrattonIsBackForJustABit Sat 20-Jul-13 22:14:56

Is this a <coff> new poster?

RedPencils Sat 20-Jul-13 22:15:14

As above and
Block him on Facebook
Don't socialise with him ever.

StanleyLambchop Sat 20-Jul-13 22:16:54

Why bother telling his respectable best friend- tell the police. You shouted no and he carried on. You had a lucky escape but he could try it again with you or someone else. Please report him to the proper authorities.

NachoAddict Sat 20-Jul-13 22:17:15

Definitely police, and gp.

Finola1step Sat 20-Jul-13 22:18:36

Jeez Louise....

If its true... Police

However, I suspect that the summer holidays may just have started in some parts if the country...

xalyssx Sat 20-Jul-13 22:29:41

Do I need to have evidence? He isn't the only person who has tried to push things too far, some people seem to think that they can take advantage of people with learning difficulties.

WorraLiberty Sat 20-Jul-13 22:32:03

He's not a possible sexual predator...he is a sexual predator.

Would you BU to remove him for you and your child's life?

I'm sure you know the answer to that

You'll need to report him to the police as others have said.


mummytime Sat 20-Jul-13 23:01:43

You don't need evidence, you do not need a water tight criminal case to report an incident to the police. They may not be able to prosecute him, but it could cause a flag to come up if he tries to work with vulnerable people. On the other hand he could have form for this, and maybe your little complaint would be just enough.

Report it for yourself, and for all the rest of us (including my teenage DD).

thank you.

Trazzletoes Sat 20-Jul-13 23:05:32

No you don't need evidence. Leave that bit up to the Police but please tell them.

Alisvolatpropiis Sat 20-Jul-13 23:08:59

Yabu to even think yabu.

As others have said,report it.

Report it. He sounds dangerous.

Even if it doesn't get very far at least it will be flagged up to the police for future reference. And it might have the desired effect of scaring him into staying away.

Whatever you do make sure you don't have any contact with him anymore

Sorry you had to go through this

xalyssx Sat 20-Jul-13 23:24:23

Okay I have phoned them thank you

IRCL Sat 20-Jul-13 23:26:06

You're telling the wrong people OP.

Tell the police.

bumpsnowjustplump Sat 20-Jul-13 23:30:11

Well done xalyssx you have done the right thing, he has taken advantage of you and it needs to stop... you are very strong!!

BridgetBidet Sat 20-Jul-13 23:34:27

Are you sure it was your medication? Is it possible he could have tried to drug you?

xalyssx Sat 20-Jul-13 23:39:06

I hadn't eaten or drunk anything since lunch at my mum's house, I'm diabetic and the warm weather caused my blood sugar levels to drop.

thispunderfullife Sun 21-Jul-13 23:31:33

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thispunderfullife Sun 21-Jul-13 23:32:25

Have you told your boss you've posted this here?! <guffaws>

xalyssx Sun 21-Jul-13 23:48:52

No I haven't told my boss but I told the police officer who came over today to take my statement. Do I need to tell my boss?

Floggingmolly Sun 21-Jul-13 23:58:36

What sort of learning difficulties do you have?

GoSuckEggs Sun 21-Jul-13 23:59:09

thispunderfullife why not?

xalyssx Mon 22-Jul-13 00:04:53

I have dyspraxia, possibly aspergers.

ComposHat Mon 22-Jul-13 00:09:05

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xalyssx Mon 22-Jul-13 00:13:13

What can I say to make you believe me?

CaptainKirksNipples Mon 22-Jul-13 00:16:34

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AmyFarrahFowlerCooper Mon 22-Jul-13 00:20:18

Saturday 23:24
Sunday 23:48

GoSuckEggs Mon 22-Jul-13 00:21:49

what happened to the 'we believe you' campaign?

xalyssx Mon 22-Jul-13 00:22:03

I called the police last night at 23:12 and they came this morning at about midday.

ComposHat Mon 22-Jul-13 00:22:20

and that the chap pulled his cock out at a railway station and wasnt spotted by staff, fellow passengers or Cctv cameras?

AmyFarrahFowlerCooper Mon 22-Jul-13 00:23:37

compos, I was flashed at the train station as a teenager and it wasn't spotted by staff (in their ticket office), CCTV or other passengers (there were none).

xalyssx Mon 22-Jul-13 00:27:35

It was 8 o'clock at night so there weren't many people around and we were at the back of the train station (outside the disabled part of the train because I can fit the pushchair in better)
The police officer said that he will send the information to the transport police and they will check the cctv cameras.

FunLovinBunster Mon 22-Jul-13 00:27:39

You contacted someone who you say is a sexual predator on Facebook??

ComposHat Mon 22-Jul-13 00:29:38

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VirgoGrr Mon 22-Jul-13 00:31:31

Yes, scrutiny in court, not by you.

ComposHat Mon 22-Jul-13 00:33:54

it has been placed on a public discussion forum so can and should be debated.

AmyFarrahFowlerCooper Mon 22-Jul-13 00:34:29

So report it then compos instead of troll hunting.

ComposHat Mon 22-Jul-13 00:36:36

virgio if thats your position then surely you can't approve of the 'I believe you' campaign, the only option is to say 'I will keep an open mind and not form a judgement until evidence is heard in court.'

VirgoGrr Mon 22-Jul-13 00:36:48

It's not a debate - this person is asking for assistance dealing with sexual harrassment/potential assault. Advice has been given, you don't need to wade in with your opinions on whether you believe her or not. Unpleasant.

xalyssx Mon 22-Jul-13 00:40:52

FLB I was worried that he would come into my place of work and cause a ruckus, so as I already had him on Facebook I decided that it would be safer to send him a message there.

VirgoGrr Mon 22-Jul-13 00:41:31

You need to do a bit more reading around the purpose of the campaign before forming your opinions. And feel free to start another thread to discuss it. This isn't the right place.

HenriettaPye Mon 22-Jul-13 00:41:48

Why tell your boss?

ComposHat Mon 22-Jul-13 00:41:52

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VirgoGrr Mon 22-Jul-13 00:42:47

X post, that was for Compo Shat.

xalyssx Mon 22-Jul-13 00:43:53

Henrietta I told my boss because I work in a library and he comes in regularly and I don't want to have to serve him.

VirgoGrr Mon 22-Jul-13 00:46:26

<sound of Compo reversing the Troll Police Patrol Car out of this thread>

libertine73 Mon 22-Jul-13 00:54:15

Op you've done exactly the right thing, please take extra care though, he does sound worrying. how old is your son?

ComposHat Mon 22-Jul-13 00:55:10

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xalyssx Mon 22-Jul-13 00:55:33

Thank you, my son is 18 months

Again? Really. What's with this place & the non- believing of some posters?

Have been here about 11 now under various name changes & never before do I recall such blatant arguments for the sake of it!

People come here for support - and I know from time to time they're a bit suss, but in my opinion, if the replies can help someone in a similar position, then it's worth while.

Op glad you contacted the police. I hope they can help. Also, if you haven't already blocked this man on fb, you should do it.

xalyssx Mon 22-Jul-13 01:04:27

Luckily he doesn't know where I live, only where I work, and there are always other people in the library

Bogeyface Mon 22-Jul-13 01:05:31


So you think it is a troll thread? Thats fine, but I believe that MN rules require you to report it and not comment on the thread.

What if it isnt a troll. What if you have just made life for someone that little bit harder? What if someone else was in a similar position and now will not ask for help and not report it to the police because of the things posted on here?

So much for "we believe you".

xalyssx Mon 22-Jul-13 01:14:26

Facebook finally loaded and I have now blocked him.

Bogeyface Mon 22-Jul-13 01:18:35

YOu might also want to change your privacy so only people you have already friended can search you. If you dont then he could create a second profile and will still be able to PM you (found that out the hard way with a harrassing relative). You can still search and add other people, but they cant search and add you.

ComposHat Mon 22-Jul-13 01:20:20

What if it isnt a troll

In retrospect I wish I'd not responded and reported.
my posts on here haven't been my finest hour, I went about it in a fairly crass bull in a China shop manner.

xalyssx Mon 22-Jul-13 01:27:33

Bogeyface thanks I will do that, I don't think that he will do this though as last year when I blocked him he didn't do anything

libertine73 Mon 22-Jul-13 01:56:31

kudos for that compost

it really isn't more important to be the first to shout troll than it is to possibly help someone in need.

kickassangel Mon 22-Jul-13 02:20:34

I think you should also tell the friends you were with. You may not be able to influence their opinions, they may not believe you, but you can at least ask them never to leave you alone with him. If he ever turns up again, leave immediately. It shouldn't be up to you to leave, of course, but even if it's a year before he shows his face this is now the third time he's tried to assault you.

Give him no more chances.

JulieMumsnet (MNHQ) Mon 22-Jul-13 10:45:30

Just to remind you of our lovely talk guidelines, which include;

No personal attacks
No trollhunting


fluffandnonsense Mon 22-Jul-13 11:35:04

Call the sodding police, get an injunction and never see him again!!

thispunderfullife Mon 22-Jul-13 23:55:59

I'd like to apologise for being disbelieving and disrespectful. It came across a bit, well, stilted but I totally appreciate that if you suffer from some communication difficulties this is entirely likely. I hope that you have called the police and that your ok flowers

Leverette Tue 23-Jul-13 00:16:17

Be careful, he might well know where you live because he followed you home that time you mentioned earlier. People like this can be a bit obsessed and not give up easily.

libertine73 Tue 23-Jul-13 11:57:34

You alright OP?

jacks365 Tue 23-Jul-13 12:08:23

The op is fine and happily posting on other threads re the storms overnight.

Op just point out to the idiot that you have a dp that you are more than happy with.

Whothefuckfarted Tue 23-Jul-13 12:11:40

I have no idea why you wouldn't have phoned the police the first time... beggars belief.. WELL DONE FOR DOING IT NOW.

ZillionChocolate Tue 23-Jul-13 12:17:24

The evidence is your account of what happened. Go to the police.

xalyssx Tue 23-Jul-13 14:37:01

Thank you all x
He knows where my granny lives but not where I live, and he goes to school with my cousin :-(
I told him that I have a DP and he didn't believe me...

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