In laws have surpassed themselves again

(75 Posts)
LittleMilla Sat 20-Jul-13 14:47:13

New baby (DS2) arrived yesterday and we're all over the moon. DH and I decided on name earlier today - Gil(bert) - and in laws have apparently expressed their dislike already. They did the same with DS1 and put loads of pressure on us to call him something else.

I'm aghast they've yet again felt the need to try and control things. DH is fuming.

What the fuck is wrong with people??!??

Alisvolatpropiis Sat 20-Jul-13 14:52:34

Well,they're allowed to not like the name.

Presumably they now like your older child's name? They'll get used to it. Ignore them.

Alisvolatpropiis Sat 20-Jul-13 14:52:49

Congratulations btw! flowers

catinabox Sat 20-Jul-13 14:57:25

Ah. Congratulations!! What a lovely lovely lovely name. I love it. smile

That is a bit rude really. He will grow into his name and they will completely forget that they didn’t like it.

They are obviously stuffy old buggers!

Love the name by the way. Gilbert. Lovely. and Congratulations again. Hope you are all well.

pianodoodle Sat 20-Jul-13 15:05:40

Congratulations!

Don't know why people feel the need to be so aggravating after you've just had a baby it's pretty stupid.

arethereanyleftatall Sat 20-Jul-13 15:06:57

Aghast? Fuming? bit ott. So they don't like your choice of name? So what?

youmeatsix Sat 20-Jul-13 15:08:43

congratulations flowers i think Gil is lovely! ignore them, if people cant be nice about a new baby, they should keep quiet

Wibblypiglikesbananas Sat 20-Jul-13 15:10:07

Congratulations! Don't give it a second thought. Your baby, your choice. Enjoy the next few days.

Alisvolatpropiis Sat 20-Jul-13 15:10:29

I don't understand why honesty is considered a great thing until it's regarding naming a child.

I don't expect everybody or indeed my closest friends and family to like the names I give any children I have. It would be nice,but I won't demand it of them.

KoalaFace Sat 20-Jul-13 15:14:36

Trying to get you to change the name is really mean. Nothing you can do though unless you say to them "you've really hurt our feelings." People like this tend to just do and say whatever they want.

Gilbert is a lovely name. Congratulations.

googietheegg Sat 20-Jul-13 15:15:09

Congratulations! It's a fab name. I remember that everything, EVERYTHING hurts more when you've just had a baby - physically and emotionally. I think women who've had babies fall into two camps - those them remember how tricky those first few weeks are and those who have forgotten. Your mil is in the second camp, as is mine.

ZillionChocolate Sat 20-Jul-13 15:15:14

Depends on what they said really. If it was unsolicited then it's rude.

Ignore them and enjoy your lovely new baby.

FirstStopCafe Sat 20-Jul-13 15:16:51

Congratulations. I understand why you're fuming. Of course they are allowed to dislike the name but there is absolutely no need for them to let you know. I think it's a fab name

Twirlyhot Sat 20-Jul-13 15:17:22

Unfortunately the advice given on the Baby name board, about not telling anyone the name until they're born, assumes you have ILs who would never be so rude as to criticise a name that's already been given.

Wishfulmakeupping Sat 20-Jul-13 15:18:04

Congratulations
Just ignore them

It isn't about what other people want, names are a personel choice and i do understand why you are annoyed, they didn't have to express their dislike.

I like unusual names and have been put off and badgered in the past by ils. They certainly won't like the names chosen for my present unborn child but when they find out it's tough if they don't like it, he or she isn't their child!!!

Tbh if they are the older generation i cannot see why they hate the name so much as Gilbert is an old fashioned name. Sounds to me like they are being arsey!

Twirlyhot Sat 20-Jul-13 15:22:36

'I don't understand why honesty is considered a great thing until it's regarding naming a child.'

It' not confused. When someone shows you their engagement ring or their new home you don't say, 'that's a bit small' or 'I don't like that.' You smile and say 'how lovely.' Basic social skills surely. It's 10x as important when it's about their DC.

badguider Sat 20-Jul-13 15:23:05

I would never tell anybody I didn't like the name they'd chosen. What is the point of that 'honesty'? It's just hurtful and unnecessary. Nobody is asking YOU if you like the name.

If an adult said "hello, i'm Gil" you wouldn't reply "that's not a very nice name" would you??

ffs.

Good point bad!

HollyBerryBush Sat 20-Jul-13 15:34:17

Are you using the full name? of course lots of names have connotations and alternative meanings. "a gilbert" means a bogie, so depending where you live, you may have set him up for a life time of green snot jokes. Or not.

Pollydon Sat 20-Jul-13 15:36:06

What a lovely name! Congratulations flowers

Twirlyhot Sat 20-Jul-13 15:36:08

Where HollyBerryBush?

LadyBeagleEyes Sat 20-Jul-13 15:38:34

You only had your baby yesterday Op and your'e on MN talking about a minor thing.
Go and enjoy your lovely baby and chill with him.
Your ILs will get over it, don't let them spoil your first days with your brand new baby.
Gil's a fab name.

Alisvolatpropiis Sat 20-Jul-13 15:39:20

Well I wouldn't volunteer out of nowhere I didn't like a name given to a child. But if I was asked I would be honest.

EvieanneVolvic Sat 20-Jul-13 15:46:15

A million congratulations to all four of you.

Now: turn your attention to your brood and forget about the in-laws...where on earth are you finding the inclination/energy to complain about it publicly?

EvieanneVolvic Sat 20-Jul-13 15:47:25

Sorry Beagleeyes Can't even claim x post..just lack of concentration!

FannyMcNally Sat 20-Jul-13 15:57:51

'...[they] have apparently expressed their dislike already'.

It doesn't sound like they were overtly rude to op at all, just heresay at the moment.

Enjoy your baby and don't sweat the small stuff.

IvanaCake Sat 20-Jul-13 16:04:00

It seems to me that you're over reacting hugely. I don't understand why you care that they don't like the name?

MamaChubbyLegs Sat 20-Jul-13 16:50:44

Tell them no, and tell them the conversation is over.

Gilbert is a lovely name. Congratulations flowers

Now go and enjoy your baby! smile

ElvisJesusAndCocaCola Sat 20-Jul-13 17:25:40

bad I once introduced myself to a friend of a friend at a social occasion and she replied 'oh, I really hate the name Elvis'!!

Alisvolatpropiis Sat 20-Jul-13 17:30:07

A colleague was recently told her name was "stupid"

It's Nia,which the woman insisted on pronouncing as Nye-uh.

Name rudeness does extend to adulthood.

BridgetBidet Sat 20-Jul-13 18:20:19

Congratulations - ignore them. It's a lovely name. If you were calling him something that might embarrass him like Norbert or Derek, they might have a point but Gilbert lovely.

What is it they think you should call him?

Oooh, great name. G.K. Chesterton was a Gilbert.

As well as Anne of Green Gables's love interest, of course. The lovely, lovely Dr Gilbert Blythe.

ALTHOUGH if you just call him "Gil," I'd probably assume that you were a fan of the Times food and TV critic, A.A. Gill. Nowt wrong with that, either.

Zyngaling Sat 20-Jul-13 18:39:11

Don't let them know that you care that they don't like it!

They're an older generation. You don't expect them to like it. You named your baby with younger generations in mind, his, and mine.

That's what I said cheerfully to my xmil. She nearly imploded with impotent rage. She wanted me to call my son after her late husband. (not the baby's gf, her second husband)

Dominodonkey Sat 20-Jul-13 18:49:27

YABU in suggesting they should not have an opinion. Gilbert is one of the super trendy old fashioned names like Ethel which most GP's would see as old men names, so you can't blame them for their opinion. I am of the same opinion as them (though Gil is nice) but both mine and their opinion is entirely irrelevant. It is completely unacceptable for them to have tried to put pressure on you to change your older son's name or to try and change this one. It is up to you and DP. Surely if you ignore them they will stop.

SplitHeadGirl Sat 20-Jul-13 18:54:02

I LOVE the name Gil(bert). Very Anne of Green Gables...kind, smart, thoughtful, gallant, chivalrous, polite, sensitive...these are all the things I think when I hear that name!!!!

Bravo good choice!!!!

monkeymamma Sat 20-Jul-13 19:43:42

Lovely name. Our head boy was a Gilbert when I started high school and he was dreamy (swoon). And a lovely person to boot. My DPs expressed some reservations about Ds's name when he was born, but I just made it into a jokey thing and now it's forgotten. In fact my DM was saying what a nice unusual name it is the other day! Enjoy your little Bertie and don't worry about what anyone else says. But it sounds like the is more back story here? What happened with your dc1's name?

LittleMilla Sat 20-Jul-13 19:43:55

Thanks for messages of support - I'm just so pissed off after they were so badly behaved when ds1 came. To the point that dh had some cross words with their insensitivity.

Throughout my pg I've told them that they won't like the name, but in a very jokey way to try and avoid this. I actually feel sorry for dh as he's just disappointed that they'd be so rude again. Opinions are fine and choosing slightly quirky names I don't expect everyone to love it. But to be told they're embarrassed it tell people the name and actively ask us to choose something else is unacceptable.

They're coming here tomorrow and I know that dh has already said that they won't be welcome if they say anything unkind. We'll see if fil manages to hold his tongue. I'm goings smile sweetly at anything said.

Right, I'm off to sniff my newborn and try to persuade my toddler that it really IS bedtime now!

MamaBear17 Sat 20-Jul-13 20:56:34

They are being rude and I completely understand why you are upset. My parents and my inlaws were both very vocal about the names we threw up when I was pregnant with DD. We quickly stopped discussing names with them because they were all making a tough job even harder by being so negative about the names we liked. My MIL wasnt too keen on DD's middle name (which we told her after we had named DD) but didnt say much because it was FIL's mums name and she passed away when DH was very little. Everyone else loved it but MIL mentioned, just once and in a kind way, that she was surprised that we had chosen it because it is an old fashioned name. It was obvious that she didn't like it, but she was very nice and polite and respected why we chose it. I honestly do not know what either sets of grandparents think to my dd's first name because they have only ever been complimentary, which is how it should be. I hope they like it, but if they dont, I dont want to know!
If they say anything about the name tomorrow just smile and say 'oh well, you will just have to get used to it wont you?' and then change the subject. Congratulations btw!

Alisvolatpropiis Sat 20-Jul-13 21:24:09

OP

I've changed my mind. A simple "I don't like it" is one thing, saying things like "I'm embarrassed to tell people what you've called the baby" would get my back up big time. I can understand why you are not at all happy with them.

Ignore them though. They are being silly and rude. In 5 years time they will probably flat out deny ever saying such a thing because Gil(bert) will be their much loved grandson who they couldn't imagine being called anything else.

Ignore them and enjoy your new baby.

Madeyemoodysmum Sat 20-Jul-13 21:24:53

What's eating Gilbert grape. Is one of my fav films ever so I say he is in good company. Congratulations.

PGRated Sat 20-Jul-13 21:28:45

Congrats! I think you have picked a lovely name. Politely remind the ILs that he is your son not theirs and that they have had their turn to name their own children. Sounds harsh but this is something I had to do with mine. Nip it in the bud and move on to enjoy your lovely children.

Kneedeepinshittynappies Sat 20-Jul-13 21:35:10

Ignore, ignore, ignore! My dsis used the "embarrassed" line when we toyed with Vincent for ds. Was first child and I ended up really paranoid and whilst the name we chose I'd the end is lovely I do sometimes wish I'd stuck to my guns and dh definately has name regret! With dd we just stuck it out, don't like it? tough shit that's a shame!

HappySeven Sat 20-Jul-13 21:36:59

I love the name but I'm very fond of my great uncle who was also called that.

My family's reaction to our DD's name was 'Esther?? As in Rantzen??' They got over it and so will your in-laws.

Keep smiling and let it wash over you.

SplitHeadGirl Sat 20-Jul-13 21:43:50

I named my daughter Cadhla - pronounced Kyla, and in Gaelic Irish (I'm Irish) means a beauty that can only be expressed through poetry. I fell in love with it straight away....especially the meaning!!!

My mum heard it, and said 'Oooh, I am not sure about that!!' Like it was her decision!!!!!

My daughter is SO a Cadhla.....she looks, talks, sings, acts, IS a Cadhla!! The name suits her so well....so my advice is to go with the gorgeous name Gilbert and stuff anyone with a problem!!!

We were chatting about possible names for ds2 with mil. We had 2 we liked. When we mentioned one of them she said 'ooh I hate that if you call him that I don't think I could love him' to which my response was 'don't be so ridiculous you don't decide whether you love someone or not because of their name!'

We didn't use it in the end as dh wasn't really sold on it but her reaction actually made me more keen (which isn't necessarily a good thing!)

Alisvolatpropiis Sat 20-Jul-13 22:41:47

Split

I never knew before reading your post that Kyla was actually an anglicised Gaelic name! Every day is a school day. Lovely name smile

SplitHeadGirl Sat 20-Jul-13 22:59:42

Alis....thanks a bunch!!! Yip, it is gorgeous, and I just love the meaning. smile

Thisisme123 Sat 20-Jul-13 23:05:17

Congrats OP. 11 weeks to go for me!

We've just been discussing the choosing of names with ILs (although not our chosen names themselves) and MIL made it clear that she would be vocal If she didn't like what we chose. I responded by making it clear that I would find that unacceptably, unforgivably rude.

It's one thing not to like a name, it's another thing entirely to express what you're thinking.

I hope that you and DH are able to express strongly how rude and hurtful they are being if they brin it up again.

Twirlyhot Sat 20-Jul-13 23:10:09

That is a really beautiful meaning.

WeleaseWodger Sat 20-Jul-13 23:29:48

If FIL says anything rude, reply... Funny enough, I've always loathed the name x (whatever his is). All the x I've known are (insert insult here, as appropriate.)

If you'd consider changing your name because I dislike it, I might be inclined to change our baby's.
Or, if your hormones are raging, fix them a stare and cooly say .. Really? Because this worked so well when you tried it with first born? Well, we wouldn't want to make YOU uncomfortable in OUR home. And swan off with newborn until they go home. Idiots to try this again.

SplitHeadGirl Sat 20-Jul-13 23:31:42

Thank you!!

It is the MOST beautiful meaning I have heard of!!!

Zyngaling Sat 20-Jul-13 23:35:04

ach seriously though, back on planet earth! she can't say that! what happen a bit of a head tilt and say like you're pondering it for the first time "yeh, I believe it's quite common for the grandparents to dislike the baby's name ................ but we have chosen it with our generation in mind!".

Zyngaling Sat 20-Jul-13 23:36:12

or how about this stealth bitch

"it sounds much fresher to a younger ear than yours"

OddFrog Sat 20-Jul-13 23:43:29

My grandad was a Gilbert and he was the most wonderful, loving, kind man. It's a super name with lovely feeling for me. I'm sure your gorgeous Gilbert will grow into just as wonderful a man as the one I knew. Good strong, capable name with nice nn. Tell the inlaws to get stuffed, how rude!

Sconset Sat 20-Jul-13 23:46:17

madeyedmoodysmum I love that film so much! One of my favourites ever.

SplitHeadGirl What an amazing meaning! How could you not choose that, once you'd seen it? smile

MIL made it clear that she would be vocal If she didn't like what we chose. I responded by making it clear that I would find that unacceptably, unforgivably rude

Good on you Thisisme123 smile

As they say round here, tell 'em to get tae fuck.

Lovely name , congratulations!

mayoandchips Sun 21-Jul-13 19:10:51

Lovely name. I wish people would shut their face unless they had something nice to say/ they've actually been asked for their opinion. I've told people what I want to call my son (nine times out of they've asked me what names I have thought of) and I've had nothing but shite for it. I'm scared to ask fellow MNetters what they think on the name threads because I've had such a unanimous 'hatred' for the name, that I'll just feel like an evil mother if I go through with it. I want to be true to myself. OH loves it though.

FYI, I think Gilbert is a gorgeous name, but if I didn't like it I just wouldn't say anything unless I was personally asked, then I would give a reason- 'I personally dislike someone with the same name'/ 'It reminds me of xyz', as opposed to screwing my face up and going 'Yuck, I hate that,' like some bloody toddler. Just tell them they had their chance to name their kids, and that you're 'Sorry they didn't feel like they got it right with theirs first time round that they have to control other people's names.'

BlingBang Sun 21-Jul-13 19:20:19

How can someone say that Norbert or Derek is embarrassing but not Gilbert? Surely that's just being as rude.

like Gil but not Gilbert. Think a Gilbert would get thumped where I grew up but my kids have names which some others consider common and one in particular should be the class troublemaker.

mayoandchips Sun 21-Jul-13 19:31:12

BlingBang she's just had her baby and you're saying he might be thumped in the future?hmm Not a nice image for a new mum to have.

OP flowers congratulations.

LittleMilla Sun 21-Jul-13 19:31:40

Sooooo ILs have just left. They were relatively well behaved, couple of moments but I feel that I dealt with it ok.

They've decided that he should have the nickname Gibby hmm which I'm not sure about. But simply said that the + of having a name like Gilbert is that it can be shortened to many things and the same way that DS1 has a couple of nicknames, so will this one. That was the end of it.

Dsil went mental at them (apparently) and I think DH has shielded me from the full conversations that have gone on. Anyway, I'm happy with his name, love what it means and am pleased others agree. He's insanely cute and I truly believe his name suits him.

Thank you all x

fedupofnamechanging Sun 21-Jul-13 19:36:18

I don't think it's rude for family to express their opinion about your choice of name. I have picked names for my children that some members of my family haven't liked and have openly said so. I think there is room, in a family relationship, to be utterly honest about things like this and not have people be mortally offended by it.

In my family, I didn't care if certain relations didn't like my final choices - I liked them and stuck to them and that was that. It's not like they can make you change it.

I have read on here of posters whose families refuse to call the dc by the names the parents have chosen and actually call them something else entirely - now that's rude!

LogonMounstuart Sun 21-Jul-13 19:36:51

Great name- you have good taste. They clearly do not. Therefore that should make their opinion easier to ignore! Congratulations.

babyhmummy01 Sun 21-Jul-13 19:48:15

It's fine to not like the name, what isn't fine is to be rude about it! The embarrassing comment is well out of order!! Good on your hubby for standing up to his parents though!
Hope they behaved themselves

mayoandchips Sun 21-Jul-13 19:56:14

karmabeliever, you're a helluva lot more tolerant than i am. What do people hope to achieve by being 'utterly honest' in this scenario? What real input do they think they have in the baby's chosen name? None. Therefore negative comments are useless and hurtful.

JamieandtheMagicTorch Sun 21-Jul-13 20:20:17

It's rude to express a negative opinion about a baby's name unless asked outright. Imo.

JamieandtheMagicTorch Sun 21-Jul-13 20:24:55

To friend: i hate that dress, why don't you go and change?
To boss: your breath smells
To child: that drawing isn't very good. I won't be showing that one to your granny

basic lack of sensitivity isn't honesty.

babyhmummy01 Sun 21-Jul-13 20:26:29

I agree with karma but there is a big difference between expressing a dislike and being full on rude.

fedupofnamechanging Sun 21-Jul-13 20:27:35

mayo, my mum probably hoped to talk me out of it, but I liked my choice, so took no notice. My nan and brother didn't have any agenda beyond thinking they were saving my dd from a name she wouldn't like (because if they didn't like it, then why would she? hmm ). Mind you, my brother thought Roxy was an ideal name for my dd, so I don't take much notice of his opinion wink!

I honestly didn't mind that they said what they thought, but then I am used to having a mother who is brutally honest.

MissMarplesBloomers Sun 21-Jul-13 20:31:31

The lovely Gareth Malone & Mrs Malone have got a Gilbert (& an Esther.)

Both good old fashioned names so you are in good company &the IL;s can go swivel. smile

Glad your DH is being supportive-congrats to you all!

ANormalOne Sun 21-Jul-13 20:40:08

I think it's unbelievably rude to give an opinion on a name choice unless you're asked to and in my post-birth state I'd have murdered anyone who told me they were too embarrassed to use my DD's name.

One of my DM's friends, commented on my DM's status that the name I'd picked for my daughter, a version of Amelia, was a 'Pakis' name. The only reason I didn't kick off was that it was my DM's friend.

Hissy Sun 21-Jul-13 22:20:56

Gilbert is a super lovely name, in fact one of my DS very favourite, very loved and most important toys is called Gilbert.

Congratulations! The world is a better place for another Gilbert! smile

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