ILs BYOM bbq - AIBU? (Do I win the prize for most acronyms in an AIBU?)

(93 Posts)
ViviPru Thu 18-Jul-13 17:37:17

The PiLs are hosting their annual summer family bbq at the weekend. Everyone tends to bring a bottle or two, (which suits me as I'm slimming and am happy to provide my own low calorie wine) and a several of us contribute something which tends to be individual to the invitee, so a godparent always takes a particular salad, someone else lives near a nice bakery so always brings some nice breads etc etc. I usually take a pudding or a cake that travels well as we live some distance away. Plus Mil doesn't buy free range eggs so I would rather bring the pudding so I know its provenance. MiL usually gets in touch the week before to confirm whether we will be bringing said items.

This year however, its 'Bring Your Own Meat' for the BBQ. Apparently they have done a booze cruise so have plenty of alcohol and have said not to bring any at all as their fridges are at capacity. They're always fully stocked with booze cruise spoils anyway, so it's slightly annoying that the intimation is there that where they would ordinarily provide BBQ food, they are now providing the drinks instead. And salads and a pudding.

The same number of close family members are invited as usual (about 25 guests in total) and the ILs are definitely not in any financial difficulty whatsoever, they can however be a bit penny pinching and whinged last year about how much the whole shebang was costing.

I'm not opposed to BYOM per se, we often do it with close local friends for small low-key occasions, but AIBU to think that BYOM is a bit of an unreasonable request in these circs and to feel a bit grumpy about it? It's not a huge inconvenience; we will be travelling for 3 hours so I'll need to bring the cool box, not a major issue, but we'll also have to stock up at the butchers now which I hadn't scheduled between now and the weekend, and I CBA to hover over the BBQ to ensure DP gets his nice farm-assured steak and burgers we've brought before some uncle gets his mits on it. I just think the notion is a bit silly. Added to the annoyance of not being able to bring our own drinks (even if we just keep them in the cool box rather than 'demand' fridge space we will still get raised eyebrows) and pudding.

I'm also hot and bothered and anything would probably get my goat right now. Bah.

Onesleeptillwembley Thu 18-Jul-13 17:40:31

GOY. Or get over yourself. You're looking for issues.

Whothefuckfarted Thu 18-Jul-13 17:41:38

I think YABU to be pissed off enough to write that essay.

I like to take my own meat to a BBQ, I like lamb and steak.

Hmmm, might put the BBQ on now... grin

AngusAndElspethsThistleWhistle Thu 18-Jul-13 17:41:59

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

maja00 Thu 18-Jul-13 17:43:52

Aren't there any supermarkets where your ILs live? Just stop off and buy meat on the way instead of taking it 3 hours.

YABU to get wound up about this though.

ViviPru Thu 18-Jul-13 17:44:16

Hahah yes fair enough. You're all utterly right. grin

SlimePrincess Thu 18-Jul-13 17:44:59

I think it sounds like a PITA TBH. I'd be very concerned with people trying to steal my naice meats.


maja00 Thu 18-Jul-13 17:45:09

Your whole attitude sounds really bizarre actually - you'd bring "special" meat just for you and then hover to ensure only you got to eat it? It's a family BBQ, just bring stuff to share!

JerseySpud Thu 18-Jul-13 17:45:45

i think you are being a pita for no reason and yabvu.

So they are saving you money on booze and you just stop on the way and buy meat hmm

BackforGood Thu 18-Jul-13 17:48:39

Agree with everyone else. Sounds like a fine idea by your ILs to me, and you are being a bit precious with your "own meats"

TheSecretAgent Thu 18-Jul-13 17:49:59

YABU. It sounds like they are just getting on your nerves TBH.

It's once a year, take your farm assured meat and if Great Uncle Chaz gets it and leaves you with his Aldi value burgers, then so be it. Not worth getting worked up over. Have a wine

TheVermiciousKnid Thu 18-Jul-13 17:50:14

Whoa! This is not how AIBU works!

We can't be doing with:

OP: blah, blah, blah - AIBU?
replies: YABU!
OP: Fair enough! grin

What would happen if all AIBU threads were like that! It would be the ruin of AIBU. sad

(YABU btw grin)

ViviPru Thu 18-Jul-13 17:51:23

I don't eat meat so it wouldn't be a case of 'ensuring only I got to eat it'. We only buy farm assured meat from the local butcher for DH. I don't care if he eats non-farm assured meat at the bbq, that's his choice, (he'd prefer not to but we wouldn't make a fuss) but I won't buy it even to take to share.

We usually DO bring stuff to share, cakes, drinks, crisps and snacks etc.

We're travelling down the night before to stay with friends nearby, and its a bit of a detour when we're already a bit tight for time to go to the supermarket before the BBQ... besides there's only a crappy small one nearby with ropey selection at the best of times - I don't fancy my chances at midday on the hottest day of the year. So I will have to decant the meat into their fridge overnight and re-freeze our ice packs for the cool box etc etc. Tiresome.

kelda Thu 18-Jul-13 17:52:18

'I'd be very concerned with people trying to steal my naice meats.'

oh very good point. I hadn;'t thought of that.

In which case, YANBUsmile

AngusAndElspethsThistleWhistle Thu 18-Jul-13 17:52:55

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

ViviPru Thu 18-Jul-13 17:53:07

Knid grin it's too hot to dig my heels in over something so trivial

TheVermiciousKnid Thu 18-Jul-13 17:54:28

You do realise don't you that you will get a few more pages of outraged YABU! replies. grin

picnicbasketcase Thu 18-Jul-13 17:54:48

I get what you mean about taking nice meat and some other fucker eating it, leaving you with the Tesco value 19p sausages containing 8% pork or whatever. Taking bread/wine/pudding is far less potentially seetheworthy.

TWinklyLittleStar Thu 18-Jul-13 17:54:59

Bring halloumi mushroom and pepper skewers, and salmon fillets, instead of meat. Yum.

ViviPru Thu 18-Jul-13 17:56:53

<adds seetheworthy to vocabulary>

Knids I face palmed a bit when I remembered the tendency for AIBU fanaticists to only read the first OP. I'm going to be more grumpy than when I started aren't I. sad

Maryz Thu 18-Jul-13 17:57:36

I have no problem with a BYOM bbq as long as you get to actually EYOM.

I have been to the odd bbq where I have brought steak, but ended up eating someone else's cheap burnt leftover sausages because my steak has mysteriously disappeared.

ViviPru Thu 18-Jul-13 17:58:20

YY on the Halloumi TWinkly although it seems to be more desirable than gold at the minute, can't get hold of the stuff for love nor money in my local Tescos......

picnicbasketcase Thu 18-Jul-13 17:58:30

Oh yes, do that ^ that's a great plan. Halloumi and peppers and corn on the cob etc. Totally shareable, far less expensive and you don't get left with crap.

Maryz Thu 18-Jul-13 17:58:46

And I have no idea how long that window was open confused, but my reply was the op - the rest of the thread wasn't there.

I agree with Kniddy though, this is very disappointing as a rant thread.

ViviPru Thu 18-Jul-13 17:59:10

EYOM! I LOVE it Maryz

whois Thu 18-Jul-13 17:59:32

BYOM, BYOB or bring item requested of you. All much of a muchness :-)

I prefer BYOM or BYOB to take specific item as much less work - just pick something up on the way! But then I'm not entirely concerned with occasional non-free range egg ingestion.

ENormaSnob Thu 18-Jul-13 18:00:32

I love byo type affairs.

But, i would be peeved to not get to eat my own offerings.

Plus it would be a pita to take meat if travelling and staying elsewhere the night before.

ViviPru Thu 18-Jul-13 18:01:50

I'm pretty shit at rant... I got it out of my system when the BYOM email came through and I got on my high horse to DH. Then my initial fury subsided somewhat so I decided to stoke my own flames by bringing my non-problem to you people for a good fist-shake... but even this is not working.... I can't seem to muster the rage.

TeWiSavesTheDay Thu 18-Jul-13 18:02:43

I don't really mind if I don't get my own meat to eat, (maybe our friends/relatives are too self-conscious to bring Tesco value sausages!) and if your DH doesn't either then I'd not worry too much.

I admit I really wouldn't fancy carting meat around for 3 hours though! Hope it keeps fresh for you.

TeWiSavesTheDay Thu 18-Jul-13 18:03:30

grin vague rage.

Too hot to be wound up.

Maryz Thu 18-Jul-13 18:05:00

Don't worry, Vivi, you'll be really pissed off in another hundred or so posts when some fucker who hasn't RTFT jumps in with a "YABU and utterly selfish" post


Gobbolinothewitchscat Thu 18-Jul-13 18:05:07

To ensure you can EYOM, can I suggest buying some of the little flags you can get and sticking them in the meat

On the flags you can write Vivipru and (farm assured) so that everyone knows it's yours and the provenance

ViviPru Thu 18-Jul-13 18:05:19

i would be peeved to not get to eat my own offerings.
I have no problem with a BYOM bbq as long as you get to actually EYOM.
I get what you mean about taking nice meat and some other fucker eating it,

So how do we ensure this issue does not arise? I'm going to source some godforsaken haloumi if it kills me, but I don't want to hover around the BBQ like some kind of naice meat and greek cheese obsessive.... I don't want to be people to know that I am that woman....

ViviPru Thu 18-Jul-13 18:06:21

Xpost Gobbo

FLAGS! Genius.

<gets crayons out>

BreadNameBread Thu 18-Jul-13 18:07:43

Another YAB very U from me too.
It sounds like you are looking for things to be grumpy about. sad
Unless the BBQ starts at 10 in the morning I can't imagine its not possible to buy something locally. You could even arrange a supermarket to deliver direct to your In-Laws on the day of the BBQ.
I am sure you will be allowed to take your own low calorie drink hmm If you are actually going to be 'banned' from fridge space just pop some ice in your drink.
I can completely relate to threads about irritating in-laws but you need to be fair about what you perceive as irritating

TWinklyLittleStar Thu 18-Jul-13 18:08:05

Food colouring could be your friend here. You will know the funny green tinge is nothing to worry about...

Maryz Thu 18-Jul-13 18:09:01

I hover round BBQs these days like some naice meat obsessive blush. I tell people it's because I like my steak rare. But it isn't. It's because I like my steak. Full Stop. I don't eat steak very often, so when I do I want good stuff.

ViviPru Thu 18-Jul-13 18:10:55

Twinky food colouring?! You're a pass master at this...

Maryz I like your style... although will I be able to convince PiL that I like my haloumi rare? confused

picnicbasketcase Thu 18-Jul-13 18:11:13

Twinkly grin

ViviPru Thu 18-Jul-13 18:12:07

TWinkly even. It's clearly too hot to respect your name.

Helpyourself Thu 18-Jul-13 18:13:25

But everyone will steal your Halloumi and corn on the cob,*vivi*!
trying to fan the flames of vague rage as I'm hot and grumpy and would quite like a (burger) bun fight

TheVermiciousKnid Thu 18-Jul-13 18:14:06

I am very disappointed that nobody has called you entitled yet. sad In fact, I was considering working up to a vague rage about that, but it's too hot.

Kiriwawa Thu 18-Jul-13 18:14:41

You need to write the name of the farm on the flags.

I couldn't find any halloumi either the other day. Weird confused

Pobblewhohasnotoes Thu 18-Jul-13 18:15:44


Just stop on the way at the supermarket and pick up some meat. And halloumi cheese. I love halloumi...

ViviPru Thu 18-Jul-13 18:18:07

<half-arsedly lobs a cob at Helpyourself>
<pisses everyone off who hates creepy wee brackets with creepy wee bracket overuse>

I'm actually getting a gentle rage at the lack of YABUs from those who have not RTFT accusing me of PiL prejudice Knid

ViviPru Thu 18-Jul-13 18:19:01

Kiri I think there's a cartel buying it all up the second it hits the shelves....

TheVermiciousKnid Thu 18-Jul-13 18:20:39

I think all I can manage is a tepid rage. Maybe.

<hides melting halloumi mountain>

MrsSparkles Thu 18-Jul-13 18:22:08

Vivi - I was all set to say YABU but then I remember when we were at a bbq last year (we always have BYOM or bring and braai - its a South African thing), and there were nearly fisticuffs between DH and another guest when he tried to claim our butcher bought, doorstop thick steak and leave us his supermarket skirt steak. Saffas take their meat very seriously.

Best solution - everyone brings and cooks their own meat!

I want a bbq now but DH not home until late angry.

Mandy2003 Thu 18-Jul-13 18:23:08

My Dad went to a BYOM, he did get to EHOM but it was FUBAR* sad

*Fucked up beyond all recognition

Pobblewhohasnotoes Thu 18-Jul-13 18:23:28

Why would you hide a halloumi mountain? Give it to me

Isabeller Thu 18-Jul-13 18:23:32

Lidl vegeburgers? grin

TheVermiciousKnid Thu 18-Jul-13 18:28:38

No. It's my halloumi mountain. I need it because, because ... I can climb right to the very top of it and it's nice and cool up there.

ViviPru Thu 18-Jul-13 18:29:52

MrsS. I hear you. I have a SA cousin-in-law. DH once made the mistake of ordering a beef platter "for two" to share with him one night, my CIL assumed it would be a mammoth meat fest. It wasn't. Suffice to say we had to stop for a kebab for DH on the way home.

YES Mandy - the FUBAR is another peril of BYOM sad

Pobblewhohasnotoes Thu 18-Jul-13 18:46:41

What a waste of an halloumi mountain sigh

ViviPru Thu 18-Jul-13 18:48:35

Incidentally, I can't think of halloumi now without hearing it pronounced 'halumni' (to rhyme with alumni) as it was called by a friend the other day...

Paintyourbox Thu 18-Jul-13 18:53:01

Why don't you put YOM on a plate, cover it with cling film then loudly declare that people are free to help themselves but your friends dog was having a good lick of it before you left their house this morning.

Bogeyface Thu 18-Jul-13 18:55:22

I dont think YABU at all. Its the same as taking a bottle of something expensive to a BYOB party and finding some bastard has sunk the lot, leaving you with warm Lambrini!

I wouldnt want to risk my expensive meat ending up on the plate of someone who just bought a small box of horseburgers!

annabelcaramel Thu 18-Jul-13 18:57:01

There's a pic doing the rounds of cheese on a BBQ, with ' it mi you're looking for?'as a caption. Been singing it all day now. It's the heat...

DeWe Thu 18-Jul-13 18:57:40

Whenever I've been to a BYOM BBQ, everyone's brought enough meat for themselves and others and there was so much left over the hosts are begging for people to eat it.

WilsonFrickett Thu 18-Jul-13 18:59:47

To be honest, I'm usually very careful about meat sourcing but in this situation I'd grab a bag of whatever from supermarket and then just eat veggie myself.

annabelcaramel Thu 18-Jul-13 19:02:01

Why not take fish instead? Big bag of sardines, lovely bbq'd

roundtable Thu 18-Jul-13 19:02:11

You must be seen on the day of the bbq with your finger up your nose, scratching your bum etc, oh and coughing-much coughing all over your food. Then pick it up, give it a quick fondle before handing it over to be bbqed.

I reckon you'll get to eat your food. grin

Leeds2 Thu 18-Jul-13 19:02:18

If PILs are providing the booze, and guests are bringing their own meat, who will be providing the bread and salads? <nosey>

And what is this low calorie wine of which you speak? Is it alcoholic? Does it taste like proper wine?

ViviPru Thu 18-Jul-13 19:15:38

Leeds the PiL's are providing bread and salads, I imagine bog standard jobbies, which is fine but somewhat of a shame because people usually bring lovely stuff they've made/bought. Although DH has been asked to bring some home-made salad dressing hmm

The diet wine is First Cape Sauvignon Blanc Light. It's nowhere near as nice as proper stuff, but it is NZ and the best of all the low calorie wines on offer IMO. You can train your palette to it.

Thank you all for taking the thread in the manner in which it was intended and cheering me up. Vipers indeed. thanks

I was prepared to be supportive until your 'low calorie wine' point. Low calorie wine is vile. For that alone YABU. No sane person would want to steal it mind you.

Ha ha - cross posted. But no. Still wrong...

WilsonFrickett Thu 18-Jul-13 19:34:23

The First Cape pink fizz is actually alright. Fizz is often sweeter anyway so it's not so much of a shock. <red drinker trying to cut down on the units>

Leeds2 Thu 18-Jul-13 19:57:06

I will give First Cape a try. Do you buy it from a supermarket? I did buy some low alcohol (not low calorie) stuff from Waitrose a couple of years ago. Can't remember what it was, but it was vile.

WilsonFrickett Thu 18-Jul-13 20:00:03

Tesco usually have it. They also do another one which is ok - again a pink fizz. Can't quite recall but will come back if I do.

Xmasbaby11 Thu 18-Jul-13 20:02:41

YANBU ... does sound a pain considering you have to travel. Can't you give IL money to buy some meat, then just eat veggie?

I'm pregnant and dying for a drink ... stop talking about wine .. even low cal wine is sounding good!

noelstudios Thu 18-Jul-13 20:03:00

Oh my god, first cape mings. The OP was one of the most boring things I've read on mumsnet.

magimedi Thu 18-Jul-13 20:04:02





CSIJanner Thu 18-Jul-13 20:05:43

Why don't you get some quality assured happy butcher to deliver meat that you're happy with on the day of the BBQ to the PILs? That way you don't have to transport it 200miles and use up friends fridge space. I know several that deliver, and they are usually v nice enough to put nice little identifying flags so you know which is yours. You just need to call and butter them up with how their products are superior.

jeanmiguelfangio Thu 18-Jul-13 20:21:12

Oh FUBAR I'm using that!!! Fantast

GeordieCherry Thu 18-Jul-13 20:21:30

Low alcohol wine is shite. Becks Blue or no alcohol Koppapear - lush. I have halloumi too, shhh wink

Iamsparklyknickers Thu 18-Jul-13 20:22:44

For those of you suffering a halloumi shortages, paneer (indian cheese) is a really good alternative. You can do all the same stuff with it and I usually get it from the supermarket.

jeanmiguelfangio Thu 18-Jul-13 20:23:05

Bloody phone- trying to have a half rant here

Viv-YABU you are bring entitled and you should stop it- does that make you feel better? <waves small white steak flag>

Iamsparklyknickers Thu 18-Jul-13 20:23:52

In fact I'm pretty sure it's easy to make yourself if you can be bothered to google (I can't - withers in heat)

jeanmiguelfangio Thu 18-Jul-13 20:24:08

Mmmm non alcoholic kopperberg

JackNoneReacher Thu 18-Jul-13 20:33:01

GOY but do make sure you EYOM which is just as important as DYO (hate getting stuck drinking someone elses chardonnay when I brought a lovely NZSB)

Cluffyflump Thu 18-Jul-13 20:35:43

I've seen twice on this fred, people suggesting Vivi take fish to eat.
She stated already that she is a vegetarian.
Fish is meat.
Pescetarians eat fish.
So thay abu.
<I've watched bun fights over this a couple of times now. Is it really too hot to flame anyone?

WilsonFrickett Thu 18-Jul-13 22:38:04

Well she's talked a lot about stocking up at the butchers Cluffy so presumably she's planning on buying meat? I think for DH. Which she wants to be good quality. But she doesn't want everyone else to eat. Hence taking something else...

ViviPru Thu 18-Jul-13 23:14:49

Yeh, for DH (or 'DP' if you're referring to my OP. The 'H' status is still v. new and taking a while to get used to)

I've decided I'm going to purchase some nice, ethical offal from Mr. Johnson the butcher and have be done with it. Great uncle Chaz will just LOVE a bit of chicory smoked digestive tract.

WilsonFrickett Thu 18-Jul-13 23:17:20

You want those sweetbreads nice and rare mind wink

Chocovore Fri 19-Jul-13 07:18:00

Buy meat in advance, freeze. It can then defrost on the 3hr journey.

ComposHat Fri 19-Jul-13 07:51:50

op this isn't how it works! you should not be so measured and fair minded in your response.
You should either flounce off or get really aggressive and accuse everyone else of being jealous or drip feed some new information that'll like your inlaws are Rose and Fred West or that they usually fry kittens on their bbq.

MidniteScribbler Fri 19-Jul-13 08:14:04

Takee burgers nd loudly tell everyone that they are a special delicacy. Something like llama testicles with pineapple and cayenne pepper. So one will go anywhere near them. Sorted.

Flobbadobs Fri 19-Jul-13 10:32:04

YABU because there are way too many acronyms in this thread and my brain has just exploded...

Fantail Fri 19-Jul-13 11:08:19

Message from down under - the heat has made you all mad.

Flobbadobs Fri 19-Jul-13 11:17:10

Can't really argue with that fantail.. grin

TheCuntingPigeon Fri 19-Jul-13 11:20:05


ViviPru Sat 20-Jul-13 15:27:07


Currently southbound on the M1, cool box loaded with naice burgers, vege burgers and HALUMNI! Yes I got some. Had to get the more-expensive-by-weight-than-rhino-horn pre-sliced and marinaded stuff as that's all that was left, but it is nevertheless halloumi.

I considered the flag suggestion, but opted instead for marking our meat territory like a rabid alleycat via the medium of Long Clawson Stilton. DH put forward a case for just taking a block of cheese to slice on once there but I thought pre-sliced and allocated was the way to go in these circs.

P.S. where's the sodding sun gone?

TWinklyLittleStar Sat 20-Jul-13 19:32:22

Well done on getting the halloumi.

Stabbed anyone with a barbeque fork for looking at your meat too closely yet?

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