to have fly rage?

(60 Posts)
Fairylea Thu 18-Jul-13 13:34:53

Seriously fuck off you bastarding cunting fucking fly!

Stop landing on me every two seconds just because I've decided to sit down for a few minutes with a tea.

(Disclaimer : I know flies cannot read. But I am in need of arant).

Fairylea Thu 18-Jul-13 13:36:26

A rant.

Not arant. Sounds like a new fly spray!

sonlypuppyfat Thu 18-Jul-13 13:38:51

My mums got an electric fly killing bat it shocks them to death

Fairylea Thu 18-Jul-13 14:19:23

I need one of those. Maybe one for each hand. I'll go all Andy Murray on them.

Pobblewhohasnotoes Thu 18-Jul-13 14:24:34

There are flies everywhere! They are driving me mad. There are loads in our kitchen, it's horrible.

Callmedreckly Thu 18-Jul-13 14:26:57

I bought a UV zapper last week, its hanging on my hall wall, the bastards are dropping like files grin

although the hall resembles a butchers now with blue lighting

hiddenhome Thu 18-Jul-13 14:42:59

Get a pitcher plant (garden centres). They secrete a sweet substance that attracts insects, then they fall into the pitcher and the liquid inside digests them.

Environmentally friendly, educational and you get an unusual house plant that earns its keep smile

Waffling Thu 18-Jul-13 14:47:36

I've got these on all my windows.

Little buzzy fuckers.

ageofgrandillusion Thu 18-Jul-13 14:48:33

Aerosol and lighter, go napalm them its great fun.

DocMarten Thu 18-Jul-13 14:49:22

I have loads in my kitchen driving me insane. They piss off when I am ready with my swat. Won't land anywhere to get the bastards.
Did fly spray yesterday and sealed them in the room. Half hour later still there happy as larry, laughing at me.

MalcolmTuckersMum Thu 18-Jul-13 14:51:27

It's not just normal flies either. No. It's those giant 500 horsepower shit eating super turbocharged blue balls of airborne horror. I hate those fuckers more than I can express. And they come - one after the other - through any open door or window to make my life a complete misery.

Waffling Thu 18-Jul-13 14:54:42

I found the EGGS of those Blue Balls If Airborne Terror in my cats bowl the other day.

Nearly moved.

I use hairspray on them. They cant flap their wings so well and it slows them down for a swot. My cats are rubbish - make no effort at all to go after them.

FayeKorgasm Thu 18-Jul-13 16:00:07

I feel your pain..

I'm in rural Oxfordshire and we get huge horseflies in the house. Nasty, ugly, filthy bastards!

theboutiquemummy Thu 18-Jul-13 19:17:27

Fayek we have those buggers n they don't half hurt like I don't know what

Malcomtuckersmum hate those little bastard especially when they get upstairs !!!

WineNot Thu 18-Jul-13 19:24:44

Am I the only one that (even thought get fly rage), I can't bring myself to kill them? blush

WineNot Thu 18-Jul-13 19:25:26

Even though I get fly rage...

MalcolmTuckersMum Thu 18-Jul-13 19:28:59

boutique YES!! When the fuckers get upstairs it's like they lose all sense of whatever miniscule reason they had in the first place as they fly idiotically from room to room - sometimes within millimeters of an open window only to zoom past it whilst doing a 500mph U-turn on their insane mission to get to another room with an open window.

Fucking useless fuckers!

Marcheline Thu 18-Jul-13 19:29:56

Wine I do hate killing them. Not because of sympathy, because they're bloody disgusting.

We have fecking hundreds of the bastards, horseflies included, ready to invade the minute we open a window. It's driving me bonkers.

What's a good (natural) deterrent? Our cat is useless - if anything, his bowl makes it worse <heave>

MalcolmTuckersMum Thu 18-Jul-13 19:30:22

I'd kill them Wine except I can't catch the fuckers. I will admit I won't use spray - I can't bear the stink of it and I hate the 8 hour 'I'm going to buzz senselessly round and round on the floor' dying routine. grin

dontgowadingin Thu 18-Jul-13 19:32:03

Bastards!! could any one tell me why they are even on this planet? For what reason?!

I cant bare to be in the same room as one!

StepAwayFromTheEcclesCakes Thu 18-Jul-13 19:38:09

yes and WHY do they congregate under a light fitting when its not even on and just do the whole circular ballet for HOURS!!!!!

Fairylea Thu 18-Jul-13 19:41:12

Some good ideas here smile thank you!

I am currently under siege from 3 of them!

MalcolmTuckersMum Thu 18-Jul-13 19:43:37

Yes! I want to know that too. That's the little not-too-buzzy really fuckwitted ones. I want to know just what is going on under that light fitting that sends you all into paroxysms of ecstasy? And where do you go when you're done with that? Because there's never a pile of bodies on the floor directly under the light is there? Where to they go?

<<<has real fly rage now>>> <<<irrational>>>

mypussyiscalledCaramel Thu 18-Jul-13 19:52:45

I bought a can of RAID the other day, from sainsbury's. It smells of apples. I haven't got a central light and the fuckers are still going round in circles.

My cat catches the medium sized ones and the B52's come in the kitchen window and out through my bedroom window without doing a circuit

fluffandnonsense Thu 18-Jul-13 19:54:59

I had a sodding horse fly down my bra on Sunday, the little fucker bit me right on the tit and made me bleed!! But I had real rage when one landed on my poor innocent 4 year old and bit him, the sheer look of terror on his face was enough for me to declare war on all the flying fuckers from now on!!!

TheCunnyFunt Thu 18-Jul-13 20:02:26

I hate the little fuckers angry There's one buzzing around the room now. They often bounce themselves off the kitchen window, so I open the window and they continue to bounce themselves off the other side of the fecking window. The side which isn't open.

24again Thu 18-Jul-13 20:08:43

I have one of those electrified tennis rackets - very, very satisfying when I finally manage to get one of the blighters and it provides endless entertainment for the children whilst they watch my efforts and cheer me on.

StepAwayFromTheEcclesCakes Thu 18-Jul-13 20:28:10

malcolmtuckersmum I KNOW... I spray the feckers and no idea where they end up, I never see em, and do they actually SLEEP at night cos two were on my bedroom ceiling all cuddled up last night for what looked like a snooze... urghhh

FuckNugget Thu 18-Jul-13 20:39:24

Oh I definitely get fly rage angry.

We live opposite a farm so you can imagine. The are always fucking shagging as well. Horrible dirty bastards having fun in my kitchen angry. I must say though, when they are doubled up in an embrace its much easier to kill them, plus you get two for the price of one and they die happy smile.

I've had the zapper tennis racquets before bit I've always broken the handle from swatting too hard <unleashing the fury on the fuckers>

We put up those sticky what's it's which are good and this year I've invested in one of those JML magnetic door nets which is proving to be really good smile.

FLY PAPERS! Fecking brilliant, you can see how many of the little bastards you've caught, and try n beat your previous record each time you change one! Also safe and environmentally friendly ...

Marcheline Thu 18-Jul-13 20:52:27

Ooh MyCar fly papers!

Why had I not thought of that before?

I love you.

MalcolmTuckersMum Thu 18-Jul-13 20:52:43

Fly papers <<<strokes chin>>> - but would that be any good for the turbocharged hell-flies on acid?

Fairylea Thu 18-Jul-13 20:54:43

Ewwwww. Shagging flies are just taking the absolute piss. Dh squashed two of them at it yesterday. They were so distracted (!) they didn't see him approach and splat they were gone.... yuck.

MakeGlutenFreeHay Thu 18-Jul-13 21:01:05

I'll loan you all my cat. She gets 'em good. Mind you, she then sits and chews them noisily for ages and makes me envy.

(That's "bleurgh", by the way - I'm not jealous of her snack...!)

LydiasLunch Thu 18-Jul-13 21:02:35

This may sound woo but try hanging a small clear bag containing water with a few 2ps in the bag over doors and windows. Apparently the flies think it's a big nest of rival insects and avoid the area. I've been doing this for a week now and I swear there are less flies. There are still some but the stupider flies don't come in.

The downside is that we are a tall family and keep twatting our heads on bags of water.

froubylou Thu 18-Jul-13 21:09:39

Mmm. Fly papers are fab.

Think they are gross normally but am 18 wk pg and can't stand the thought of spray. And the dog knocked over the Venus fly trap chasing a fly so gone for a paperand hung Iit in the window.

Even better a bit of the sticky stuff stuck to the window. And caught even more bastard flys. 1-0 to me so far I think.


Kills anything that flies and is FUN too. I sit and will the fuckers to fly in so I can shoot them. The Dc's love it,we are a fly deathtrap here.I havent had any flying things in for aaages,word has obviously gone out on the "giant 500 horsepower shit eating super turbocharged blue balls of airborne horror." grapevine grin

Ilovemydogandmydoglovesme Fri 19-Jul-13 00:51:04

As I sit here reading this thread, right now one of those big buzzy fuckers has started buzzing and crashing its way across my bedroom ceiling! The bastard!

Off to find a flu swat. There's no way it's keeping me awake.

Ilovemydogandmydoglovesme Fri 19-Jul-13 00:58:28

Jesus! It would not die! I kept hitting it with a rolled up bit of card and I think I just made it more angry. In the end I waited till it stopped still and slammed it with the paper flat in my hand. That got the little fucker. Then it took four flushes of the bloody loo to make it disappear! I don't want it crawling back up like a little zombie fly to get me in the middle of the night. shock


TinaSurrey Fri 19-Jul-13 03:31:57

The Red Top Fly Trap (sorry don't know how to link but comes up if you Google it) is life changing. Cheap and amazingly effective. Ours is on the back fence so we can't even see it.

Had one out for last two summers and the difference is unbelievable!

I counted 11 of them in my kitchen last night.
I too would like to know their purpose.
on the plus side ive not seen many wasps this year.
and yes my cat does bugger all about them too.

Morgause Fri 19-Jul-13 05:44:55

I seem to have lost the plot a tadge. One was just crawling up the computer screen and I tried to hit it with the cursor.


MakeGlutenFreeHay Fri 19-Jul-13 08:05:09

morgause sorry but that did make me laugh!

Pixel Fri 19-Jul-13 20:26:03

I've just got a red top fly trap this week after seeing it mentioned in the MN chicken section. It's been on the fence since yesterday and is full of flies. Think I'll have to order another one straight away. I'm pretty impressed because we've had the sticky fly papers up and the only thing that got stuck was my hair when I walked into one by accident.

GobbySadcase Fri 19-Jul-13 20:28:18

I got DH a leccy bat.
My sitting room now stinks of cremated flies.

Allegedly the Emperor Domitian used to catch flies with a version of chop-sticks...

Personally I find an old tea cloth works wonders as it covers a broader range than most of the annoying so-and-sos can get out of.

The cats here do catch the things, but listening to buzz, buzz, crunch, crunch isn't madly pleasant either.

AuntieMaggie Fri 19-Jul-13 22:19:39

Eww eww eww at that Red Top Fly Trap and fly papers... isn't there something that just stops them coming around in the first place?

I might try the water and 2ps thing...

Went for a pub lunch the other day and there were loads of the little feckers in the restaurant bit.
Won't be going. back there again.

LydiasLunch Fri 19-Jul-13 23:01:03

Try the bag of water!

HeffalumpTheFlump Fri 19-Jul-13 23:09:51

Found an earwig IN the bread today. Made dh sort it. He squished it and put it in the bin in the packaging (with all the contaminated bread). I then made dh get it back out of the bin because I was scared it wasn't dead and would climb out and attack me in the night. It wasn't fucking dead. It is now. It has been twice squashed then drowned down the sink. I'm still slightly worried it might climb back up the pipes after coming back to life. <worried emoticon>

Heffalump - are you sure it was an earwig and not a mutant cockroach? wink

HeffalumpTheFlump Fri 19-Jul-13 23:20:59

And the vomit rises....

Why would you do that to me? I'm off to bed soon... With weaponry!

Just make sure if you are squashing the "thing from the bin" again you do it on a hard surface - they pull themselves back together if you attempt on soft...

Or alternatively get DH to sleep nearer the door!

itsonlyapapermoon Sat 20-Jul-13 11:32:39

I feel your pain-summertime here is an absolute bastard for flies!They are everywhere! However I think I could deal with the flies, it's the fucking mosquitoes that I hate!! I get eaten alive angry

itsonlyapapermoon Sat 20-Jul-13 11:34:47

Meant to add-I'm in Australia. And contrary to popular belief we don't wear cork hats although in the summertime I'm sorely tempted... ;)

I'm sat here laughing at a stupid fly.

It keeps flying into the mirror, bouncing off, doing a lap under the light and then flying back into the mirror. smile

Silly cunts.

HeffalumpTheFlump Sat 20-Jul-13 12:34:17

Is this grounds for divorce? I go to brush my teeth this morning and as usual dh has not closed the cap properly. As I go to use it a fucking earwig falls out. Dh had gone fishing so I was left to deal with it alone.

After the terminator earwig last night, I'm now pretty convinced its an invasion.

<moves house and leaves no forwarding adress for dh or the earwigs to find me>

LJL69 Sat 20-Jul-13 12:36:15

Not Unreasonable. Fuck the fucking fuckers. Same here just now. They make me feel unclean and squirmy

RoooneyMara Sat 20-Jul-13 12:39:11

We normally get loads but this year I have put up a thin gingham curtain over hte back door, and they have stopped coming in! shock

It actually works even when the door is open.

And even though we currently have the world's stupidest seagull baby on the patio, which keeps shitting everywhere. There are loads outside, but not one in the kitchen.

Curtains, people. curtains.

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