WIBU/petty to say something about this?

(52 Posts)
Onroute66 Thu 18-Jul-13 10:32:17

I'm really annoyed right now but don't know if I'm being ott.

Went to last assembly today, all of the children with 95% attendance or above stood up for a round of applause and also got enterered into a prize draw to win something very nice.

I sat there and waited, and ds name didn't get called out so he didn't get to stand up and be clapped. He got his 100% certificate for the term, but not for the year. So I'm assuming he probably didn't go into the prize draw either.

I'm not overly hung up on attendance, but if they're going to do something to acknowledge it, I'd rather ds wasn't missed out.

Is it worth mentioning it later at hometime or just leave it as there's nothing that can be done now anyway?

I'm guessing it's those that have had it for the year rather than just the term?

YouTheCat Thu 18-Jul-13 10:35:02

Not worth mentioning. It won't change anything and if his attendance for the year was less than 95% he wouldn't have been eligible anyway.

CockyFox Thu 18-Jul-13 10:35:46

I would say something if I was sure he had been there 95% of the time.

Onroute66 Thu 18-Jul-13 10:36:13

No, it was for children who have had 95% attendance or above for the whole year, which he has had above 95% throughout the whole year.

He was supposed to be called out.

Onroute66 Thu 18-Jul-13 10:37:12

I know he has had 98% as it was on his school report last week, he's only had 1 day off this year.

Ragwort Thu 18-Jul-13 10:39:32

It is very annoying but it is probably an oversight and if you mention it will make you look like an OTT parent - unfair I know. I mentioned something similar once and was made to feel as if I was being very petty and nothing was done about it anyway.

Can you make a joke of it with your DS - something along the lines of 'I know your attendance was over 95% so I will treat you to 'something special'.

MidniteScribbler Thu 18-Jul-13 10:39:52

So it was an error. You could say something, but is it really worth it? The most you'll get is a "we're sorry, we missed a name at the last assembly we held...".

Geez I hate attendance awards.

HoldingHigh Thu 18-Jul-13 10:41:51

Oh god don't get me started on the 95% attendance thing. One of my DC came home with a letter back in Jan about their attendance being slightly lower than 95 for that one term. Bearing in mind they'd had chicken pox so couldn't very well go to school anyway. I phoned up the school and they told me not to worry as it's only Jan and they can make it up through out the rest of the year as long as they turned up daily.

My point was if they're telling me not to worry then why send the bloody letter. My kids are in school every day unless illness takes over.

Onroute66 Thu 18-Jul-13 10:42:57

I totally agree that there is too much focus on attendance. You can't help being ill.

But if the school are going to make a big who har about it, I'd rather they didn't miss a child out. They feel proud standing up and being clapped.

Onroute66 Thu 18-Jul-13 10:44:53

Please can people not focus on whether or not they agree with attendance awards though.

If he'd been missed off a good work mention, would I be justified in saying something then?

MotherofDragons82 Thu 18-Jul-13 10:45:35

I think you're being a bit OTT, sorry. I wouldn't say anything as you'll look petty - just explain to your son that it must've been a mistake.

MidniteScribbler Thu 18-Jul-13 10:47:59

You're determined, so there's nothing anyone can say that will stop you bringing it up with the school anyway.

Onroute66 Thu 18-Jul-13 10:52:42

No I'm not determined! If the majority say no point, then I won't bother.

I'm not the one who makes up the idea to acknowledge good attendance, or the one who decided to give out a rather big prize for good attendance. But the head stands and gives a big speech about how important attandance is etc, they've done this prize. It was in the newsletter ages ago so ds knew he'd be part of it as he'd had good attendance, so I'm just meh that he wasn't.

wonderingsoul Thu 18-Jul-13 10:54:13

id get my son to ask his teacher.
that way your not being an ott parent but your son will "get his say" plus its a good skill for him it hink.

all he has to do is ask his teacher at a quite time why he wasnt called becasue he had so n so percentage? she may look into it, but even if she doesnt your son will have learnt its ok to question things and build his confideance in standing up for himself.

cory Thu 18-Jul-13 10:56:43

"If he'd been missed off a good work mention, would I be justified in saying something then?"

I wouldn't, school/life is long, you gain very little by making a fuss and there is little the school can do about it: it's the last assembly, they can't go back and do it again.

It is not like this is going to influence your ds' education in the future or that he will even remember it (unless he sees you upset) when he goes back to school in the autumn.

In the nicest possible way, I think it would be better for your ds if you didn't get too closely involved with everything that happens at school.

Often parents do most good as calm, unshakeable presences that you can take your worries to because you know it won't upset them too much:

"I had a horrible day today, Mrs X was Unfayyyer and I'm Never Going to Play with Lauren Again!!!"

"Oh dear, you do look upset, never mind, let's have tea now and then see about going to the park".

Parents who feel they have to Do Something every time anything goes wrong can result in children gradually becoming afraid to tell their worries.

Save your interventions until they are really needed and they will have far more force.

Pawprint Thu 18-Jul-13 10:58:44

That would upset me too as it isn't fair he wasn't acknowledged. These things matter to a child. Personally, I would have a word with his teacher and just say you are concerned that your ds might be upset about being overlooked.

cornflakegirl Thu 18-Jul-13 11:00:33

I'd mention it - like you say, if they're going to make a big thing of it, it needs to be right. We might recognise that it's fairly unimportant in the grand scheme of things, but the whole pester-power effect of attendance rewards is predicated on the children thinking it's important.

RoooneyMara Thu 18-Jul-13 11:04:48

Attendance incentives are shit. I wouldn't say anything, but I might consider changing schools.

Onroute66 Thu 18-Jul-13 11:06:11

I'm not too closely involved with things at school.

I'm not one of these parents who in every week about this or that. He's had a fairly smooth year.

Part of the reason I'm annoed is because I never get to go to assembly as I'm at work, he's always nagging me asking when I'm going to go. And I was able to go today as I knew he'd be standing up for his good attendance award. They do termly awards and yearly awards, for both 100% and 95% or above plus a prize draw. I'm simply saying that they did a huge emphasis on good attendance, spent 15 minutes or so on it and I was/am just upset that he was missed off. I'm not overly invovled, or a fusspot and ds is quiet and well behaved and pretty average so is often overlooked, which is why it's nice when I can actually be involved/he gets aknowledged.

I also don't think that ds will be very upset, he's only 5, and I think he soon forgot as his house team won a treat for this afternoon so he'll be more excited about that atm.

Onroute66 Thu 18-Jul-13 11:07:28

Changing schools? Why are you being ridiculous?

Mia4 Thu 18-Jul-13 11:09:42

YANBU to feel annoyed for your DS but as Ragwort suggested joking with him is probably the best way to go. You could mention to the teacher about it in order to get him a certificate but that depends on just how bothered he is by it- if he doesn't care then just don't, otherwise he will become bothered.

RoooneyMara Thu 18-Jul-13 11:11:16

Erm hmm

I'm not trying to be ridiculous, sorry if it came across that way. Perhaps I should not have spoken.

Onroute66 Thu 18-Jul-13 11:13:15

He's had the certificates each term, 2 for 100% and one for excellent.

He was basically just missed off the list for the prize draw! They got them to all stand up for a clap then pulled a name out to win a bike! Two bikes in fact, one for key stage one and one for key stage 2.

umpti67 Thu 18-Jul-13 11:13:50

I think you could mention it, if it's not too late for the prize draw. Mine read six books over last summer for the library reading scheme and didn't get called out to get her medal in assembly - I did mention that because she'd put a lot of work into it. It's unfortunate but occasionally it happens.

cory Thu 18-Jul-13 11:14:01

RoooneyMara, if the OP was to change schools to get away from attendance certificates she would shortly run out of schools. And changing schools whenever anything isn't perfect hardly sends a very good or happy message to the ds.

Otoh if you were trying to be sarcastic, I think that was unwarranted to an OP who did not at all come across as hysterical or overreacting.

Onroute66 Thu 18-Jul-13 11:15:20

Well why should I consider changing schools? Because the school acknowledges attendance? Really, so I'm going to disrupt my childs education, remove him from all his friends, because the school makes a fuss about good attendance?

Which most schools do now anyway as it come down from government and effects their Ofsted rating. I'd say that's fairly ridiculous.

CockyFox Thu 18-Jul-13 11:16:28

I am in the minority that agree with attendance incentives. I think they teach children that going to school (and work when they are older) is not optional.

Your son was expecting to be mentioned and wasn't then the school made a mistake and would probably rectify it by mentioning him the next assembly.

As for changing schools well that is just daft. Attendance is part of OFSTED and schools are encouraged to have incentive programmes. I know this as DH is an educational welfare officer (otherwise known as the wag man.)

CSIJanner Thu 18-Jul-13 11:17:56

If it was a tube of smarties as a reard, then I would say leave it and reward him yourself.

But a bike! They should have ensured that every single eligible child was in the draw. In this instance, I would raise it with the school. It's not on that children who were supposed to be in the draw did not get the chance to win a bike. Lets face it, piss poor attention to detail by the teachers which means that another child may have also be left out.

I don't know what they would offer as a solution though as you can't "unprize" a gift from the winners. I think the best you can hope for is an apology.

RoooneyMara Thu 18-Jul-13 11:19:39

No, it was completely genuine and now I am regretting posting at all.

I was NOT being sarcastic and was merely posting what I would feel, MYSELF, in this situation - however it seems that is unwelcome so I'll leave you all to it.


Panzee Thu 18-Jul-13 11:21:31

Say something. I once missed a child for a sports award, a genuine oversight. She was upset and I was mortified. That poor child.

RoooneyMara Thu 18-Jul-13 11:21:42

and I didn't suggest you should change schools. You have reacted to my post as though I were attacking you. I just said, I would consider changing schools because round here there are a lot that don't reward attendance and it doesn't sit right with me.

springytoto Thu 18-Jul-13 11:22:59

What's 'ott' about saying that your son has clearly been left off the list?

ffs - they left him off the list, tell them. What's with all the eggshells. Some schools may want to treat parents like irritating fleas but that's their problem. You don't have to storm in - I'm sure you wouldn't! - just say it, say he got left off. Ask if there's a problem accept recompense for their cack handling

Onroute66 Thu 18-Jul-13 11:23:31

Thank you cory, I think it was sarcasm, but I'm not hysterical, I'm annoyed/meh because yes I like seeing ds get to stand up, yes I'd have loved him to go into the prize draw of course. I'm probably being a bit pfb.

Cockyfox I'm on the fence regarding attendance incentives. We don't have ed welfare he anymore, but I work for the organisation that replaced them, alongside the ex ed welfare officers who deal with the attendance. And I don't think some people realise how bad it can get, or some of the poor reasons for terrible attendance. It really isn't about those who have had a run of bad luck being poorly. Who will usually get aknowledged in some other way.

piprabbit Thu 18-Jul-13 11:24:10

Honestly - the school have made a mistake, tell them and give them a chance to correct it. They would probably be mortified to know they had upset a child unintentionally.

In fact our HT actually asked parents to let her know if they felt there was an issue with the attendance awards.

RoooneyMara Thu 18-Jul-13 11:24:37

It was NOT sarcasm. JESUS

I hadn't even read the full thread.

pictish Thu 18-Jul-13 11:27:10

I don't care for these petty tactics to pressure parents and kids alike about attendance. Fwiw my kids attendance is good...no problems there, but still I don't expect it to be some sort of stick, to mildly beat people with. It's unfair, and ultimately not their call.
Our school don't do this sort of thing. It's a small, intimate school and parents would moan like fuck about it.

CockyFox Thu 18-Jul-13 11:27:16

Off Topic a little but how is the replacement service working? They are consulting on changing how it works here, it is looking like a change to more schools based attendance officers at the moment.
I agree some of the reasons are terrible, DH gets really upset by the circumstances of a couple of families he works with.

Onroute66 Thu 18-Jul-13 11:27:56

I was probably just going to say something along the lines of. "I just wanted to mention that ds didn't get called out in assembly today so I'm assuming he wasn't in the prize draw either, not to worry but he was thinking he was going to". Of course there's nothing that they can do but I'm sort of saying, "can you be more careful next time?".

RoooneyMara Thu 18-Jul-13 11:28:49

Yes that sounds about right.

RoooneyMara Thu 18-Jul-13 11:29:33

Disclaimer: my last post was not sarcastic either.

shewhowines Thu 18-Jul-13 11:30:05

I would think the same as you. It's not a huge deal but I would feel miffed too. You made a special effort to be there, both of you were expecting that he would be involved. You had to listen to 15mins of speech and your Ds wasn't acknowledged. The bike was secondary to that. They have made a big deal of it so YANBU to want to be a part of that.

I would drop an email and say how disappointed you were for the above reasons. Say that you know it is too late to do anything now but you just wanted to let them know so that they can avoid it happening in the future to other children. Be matter of fact but let them know.

shewhowines Thu 18-Jul-13 11:31:47

x post

Onroute66 Thu 18-Jul-13 11:34:57

Not good cockyfox, we were 50% funded by schools, who a year later pulled that funding, two years on and the whole service has had another big shake up so attendance has now gone directly to schools who I believe are struggling a bit.

I'm not too sure what to think now, mixed responses and opinions, I absolutely wasn't going to go in all guns blazing, I'll have a think thoughout the day.

RoooneyMara Thu 18-Jul-13 11:46:09

Good luck. I hope you're not as harsh and unfriendly as you came across to me, in real life, because I've made a mental note not to answer your threads any more (I've already answered at least one, yesterday) and the school might feel the same.

I had not seen other people's comments to you before I posted and did so genuinely. You called me ridiculous and refused to acknowledge my clarifications.

I'm sure you can do without my input though. I'm probably just another 'inadequate little fool' to you.


I think that the bike is a completely inappropriate level of prize to reward children for something that really is out of control/down to luck.

How on earth us that funded?

Onroute66 Thu 18-Jul-13 11:55:02

I'm not harsh and unfriendly, quite the opposite.

I asked a genuine question regarding something that had bothered me, I acknowledged that I may be being petty or ott.

Your response was to tell me attendance rewards are shit and to consider changing schools. I have since read your follow up comments and I having refused to respond I am pottering about and have being replying as quickly as I could to other people.

And all well and good looking up my past threads, but bringing the sexist, skiving work colleague into the discussion is totally irrelevant and nothing whatsoever to do with this.

OvoLactoBaco Thu 18-Jul-13 11:56:15




That was hilarious thank you

<mops wee from floor>

RoooneyMara Thu 18-Jul-13 11:59:47

Yes perhaps my initial response was unhelpful to you, in your situation, I apologise for that - mostly people just ignore those who are unhelpful, though, and instead you rounded on me.

Fair enough, that is your style but it did take me aback. I am glad you have read my follow up comments and no longer think I was being unkind or sarcastic at least.

I don't know what to say to Ovo's post though, they have lost me there. I hope it goes well at the school and I can see why you were upset.

CockyFox Thu 18-Jul-13 12:00:51

Thanks Onroute. I am hoping DH will still have a job following the restructuring.

maternitart Thu 18-Jul-13 12:05:10

OP ignoring the bunfight in this thread, I think what you plan to say is perfect and yes I would say it. It might not help your DS but it could prevent another child being left out in future.

Onroute66 Thu 18-Jul-13 12:30:56

Thanks I will update later.

Cockyfox yes I hope so, I'm sure he will but not as he knows it.

Round here they restructure every 2 years or so, but nothing ever improves

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