year 6 leavers do/Prom

(81 Posts)
bigteach Thu 18-Jul-13 08:51:51

Last night I was horrified and pleasantly surprised all at the same time.....depositing my daughter at her year 6 leavers disco, me, looking moderately flustered and slightly shabby from work. my little girl, scrubbed clean and a pretty, long summer dress, favourite shoes and hair usual bunch, with added bow, when looking at the girls crowded round Mr P their fab teacher... Several girls you could tell....had spent hours....having hair done, nails, accessories etc.. but good god.....what were they wearing?...expensive, silk/satin strapless(what have they got to actually hold it up?)AND extremely short ball gowns with 3inch...strappy heels???!! It was something like sex in the City gone Bugsy...WRONG....sooo WRONG!!!
needless to say I stared round to see how many of these unfortunate 'children' there actually were...and breathed a huge sigh of relief....3mmmm possibly 4 the rest of the girls looked pretty much the same as mine....happy excited 11yr olds going to a party, so therefore happy to reflect...the west country has not become so horrifically Americanised yet, though there is a party (privately organised) tomorrow that apparently is going to involve....stretched Limos etc...oh and parents are to attend with their little ones, whether they want to or not......I conveniently lost this invite!

Why 'children' in inverted commas? They ARE children. You are doing that reverse snobbery thing.

And the....is fkin annoying to read. <gavel>

FauxFox Thu 18-Jul-13 09:57:08

Why do you care? If they are happy what does it matter? It's just a different kind of fancy dress at that age surely? The shoes might be a hazard but s what if they want to dress up an wear make up for one event - it's hardly and every day thing i assume? And if they want to/can afford a limo why not? I bet they have fun in it and surely that's the point? They are children, you are judgey and as for "losing" an invite so your DD can't go to a party with all her friends because you think it will be too frivolous, shame on you sad

Euphemia Thu 18-Jul-13 09:57:39

Aaw they're just dressing up and having fun. smile

If their parents are stupid enough to waste money on limos, good luck to them!

What do you want? A huge pat on the back for being a much better parent, and not having a poor unfortunate child who <gasp> gets a ride in a limo and wears a posh frock on one occassion. confused

Good for you.

eccentrica Thu 18-Jul-13 10:04:07

YANBU.

No idea why you are getting such a slagging off by other posters, unless it's from people who dress their own daughters up like miniature prostitutes WAGS.

It is foul for 10/11 year old girls to go around dressed like that, and no OBVIOUSLY it's not 'fancy dress like any other'. Would it be ok for 5 year olds to be dressed like that then?

The whole thing is rank in the extreme.

meddie Thu 18-Jul-13 10:06:40

I dont understand the slagging off of OP either. I see loads of posters complaining about the early sexualisation of girls. OP just expressed the opinion that she was grateful it wasn,t too wide spread there yet

DD wore a strapless dress and heels, there's a photo on my profile.
She looked lovely, and quite frankly I was impressed that she danced in those heels for over two hours!
She did take sequinned converse to change into, but didn't bother.

My 3yo is currently tottering about in play heels and a silky princess dress. Guess there is no hope for her.

You have problems if you think an 11yo playing at being a grown up on one important occassion in their life means they are dressed as a prostitute ecc It would never occour to me to think of a child in that way, your comment says far more about you I'm afraid.

FauxFox Thu 18-Jul-13 10:24:21

agree with missy

cls77 Thu 18-Jul-13 10:31:01

I agree with the OP as my DD had her Yr 6 Prom last Friday. Yes we went to the hairdressers to have a treat but the dress had straps, and was pretty but an 11 year olds dress. It may sound petty but these are children, and there is a difference between dressing up and making an effort to thinking you are much older than you are, it was quite simply embarrassing! BHS are certainly on the band wagon as every single one of their range were very short satin strapless dresses, its the trend to tart yourself up 5-10 yrs older than you should apparently!!

Remotecontrolduck Thu 18-Jul-13 10:33:47

Calm down. They looked like kids I bet, even with strapless dresses and heels.

It was just for a prom. I doubt they go around in 3 inch heels themselves every day. Your DDs outfit sounded very nice, but within the next year she'll probably want to wear similar things.

I wonder, as an aside, why folk chose words like tart prostitute WA

WAG to describe girls' attire.

Thymeout Thu 18-Jul-13 10:36:45

It's not fancy dress. What were they dressing up as??? Strapless, heels, makeup all have a sexual connotation. A 3 yr old tottering around in her mother's heels is quite different. These clothes were bought for the occasion.

These were 10/11 yr olds. I agree with Meddie. We can't have it both ways.

Sexual connotation? When an 11 year old child is wearing them?

Really confused

I see it as no different to a 3yo playing dress up tbh. They are making a huge step and feel like they are so grown up and want to act it for one night, its their last night, until they leave secondry school, of them being the big fish in a little pond, after summer they will be the little fish in a big pond. So what if they want to spend one evening being a 'grown up'.

I am shocked people are using words like prostitute and tart and sexual when talking about a child.

its leaving junior school, not leaving school forever. This whole prom business for year 6 annoys me.

Ds2 is yr 6 leaver and the school are having a bbq and a small disco, some of the parents (coincidentally or not all parents of girls) are up in arms about it as they have spent £50/60/70 on a dress and have hair and make up appointments booked, and spray tans and nails the day before! They wanted to book limos and photographers and have a full on sit down meal with a ball/live band after.

The school vetoed it, which I am glad of and the small scale disco and bbq is significant enough as an event to mark leaving primary school. They have many many years of getting dressed up and attending proms/balls why start so young?

Jeez, such awful words to describe 11yr olds who want to dress up.
DD has not worn heels before or since that night, she's currently in ripped jeans, a t-shirt and converse, totally appropriate for today's activities of an eye test and supermarket trip.
The outfit she wore for her leavers party was appropriate for that too, and she did not look like a tart or prostitute hmm

fwiw, I wouldn't ever say that an 11 yr old was dressed to look like a tart/prostitute etc but would say that they were dressed too old for their age.

PatsyAndEddy Thu 18-Jul-13 10:56:25

I think the whole thing is dismal.

Lancelottie Thu 18-Jul-13 10:59:25

Goodness.

As far as I know, ours are having party games, a disco and a pizza.

We are clearly behind the times.

ReallyTired Thu 18-Jul-13 11:00:50

My son had his prom last night and most of the boys had a hair cut and they wore a tie and smart trousers. The girls wore pretty dresses and some of them wore make up.

I thought that all the children looked beautiful and so grown up. Sometimes its nice to make a bit of an effort.

There were no limos at DD's school, just parents own cars. It was a disco in the function room of a local hotel with a sandwich buffet. It cost £3.
I spent £110 on the outfit, I've worn the dress twice since, and once before, we've both worn the Converse, we love them, and the heels she ended up wearing were mine from ages ago.
Oh, and I spent £4 on some jewellery from Superdrug.

No make up for DD either, just nail varnish, entirely her choice.

exoticfruits Thu 18-Jul-13 11:07:45

YANBU.
It is so sad for the children - when the get to the age of the school prom there is nothing new- they have done it all before.
Function and clothes should be age appropriate IMO.

exoticfruits Thu 18-Jul-13 11:09:44

I am glad that mine left primary school well before this type of thing happened. I think parents should fight it before it becomes the norm.
The leavers disco is fine.

NoComet Thu 18-Jul-13 11:58:26

YABU

I think it's totally up to DDs (and their parents budget) whether they go to a Y6 prom dressed up to the nines or still as little girls. It's their day and their business. As far as humanly possible Mothers should keep out of it unless asked to help.

DD2 didn't have a prom, but she was a bridesmaid at that age. The bride and chief bridesmaid (her DSIS) decided to treat DD as a young teen and she gave her the same hair, make up and high heels as they had (and the same flip flops for dancing). The only difference was she had a ball dress with thin straps and the bride and adult bridesmaid had deep V halter necks that needed filling.

Except for the lack of curves, DD2 looked about 15, and it didn't matter at all because she was having an absolute ball.

And that's the whole point, at 11 it's not serious, at 13 it might be to look older than you are, it might be for boys, but at 11 it's FUN.

LastTangoInDevonshire Thu 18-Jul-13 12:17:14

Sorry but no 11 year old needs a strapless dress and 3" heels. It is just NOT appropriate for their age.

Thymeout Thu 18-Jul-13 12:19:54

Startail - there's a difference between an adult occasion like a wedding where your dd was dressing to blend in with the other bridesmaids and an event planned exclusively for 10/11 year olds.

The idea that the norm for such an event in dress and activities should be the same as for 15/16 year olds seems wrong to me. Girls of that age look beautiful without makeup and can 'make an effort', if necessary, without having to 'look grownup'. The barbecue/disco way of thinking seems much more age appropriate imo.

So its ok for an 11yo to dress up to blend in with adults at an adult occassion, but its not ok for an 11yo to dress up with a load of other children the same age and have a fun evening? confused

cls77 Thu 18-Jul-13 12:31:17

A lot of the girls at DD prom were so self conscious they were hunched over with their arms across their chest, and some couldnt even walk in the shoes they had - how does that make for a "fun" evening?! Im all for expressing who you are and feeling pretty, making an effort etc, but this is different, many of my DD friends were very upset that they were wearing dresses too short for them "because it feels weird".

CoolStoryBro Thu 18-Jul-13 12:34:48

FYI, I don't know any American schools that have proms for Elementary school, so you really haven't become Americanised.

FauxFox Thu 18-Jul-13 12:54:09

cls that's different - it goes without saying that the child should feel happy/comfy in whatever they wear.

usuallyright Thu 18-Jul-13 12:55:56

Netto, your dd looks beautiful.
There are some misery guts on mumsnet today.
The weather is getting to people.

cls77 Thu 18-Jul-13 12:57:38

FauxFox but thats half the issue, mums and peer pressure making these children feel they have to wear what everyone else is!

FauxFox Thu 18-Jul-13 13:03:53

Yes netto forgot to say before your DD looks lovely.

I google image searched yr 6 proms and i'm really struggling to find any child who looks anywhere approaching a hooker confused some have pretty horrid dresses but they look like what they are - children dressing as adults for fun at a special occasion.

ElizabethHornswoggle Thu 18-Jul-13 13:06:18

Proms for 11 year olds are absolutely bloody ridiculous. In fact, they are at whatever age.
Very glad ours is a sensible primary school where they just have a leavers disco in the hall!

Thymeout Thu 18-Jul-13 14:13:45

MissyMoo - the poster's dd was one of the bridesmaids. So I can see the point of her wearing an approximately similar dress, tho' not halternecked and not strapless so her age was taken into account. I, personally, would not have had her in makeup or heels, but each to her own. I've no doubt there were other 11 yr olds dressed as ll yr olds at this adult event.

But if you're organising an event for 10/11 year olds, why ape something that they will do 5 years later? There are enough social/cultural pressures on children to grow up too soon without mothers encouraging it.

Arf at sensible school.
Yes, DD went to one of those trashy schools with their disco in a function room with shock bunting

thebody Thu 18-Jul-13 15:28:12

I think any adult who uses the words tart and orostitute in the same breath as an 11 year old girl are quite frightening!

op stop being so bloody smug.

I suggest you rein in a little about how wonderful a parent you are until your dd hits the teens.

proms are the same as a leavers disco btw!!! they are both a party with music, food and dancing!!

Summerblaze Thu 18-Jul-13 15:45:03

My DD had one of those BHS satin dresses for my son's christening. She was 8 at the time and looked lovely. Not anything ilke a tart or prostitute. She doesn't wear this all the time, in fact most of the time she is a little tomboyish and like trousers/shorts etc.

NoComet Thu 18-Jul-13 15:55:04

grin tymeout, I must swap back from my tennis NC

What I'm trying to say is Y6 is the last chance some girls get to dress up in all innocence and I think those want to should be allowed to.

One night being the most grown up DCs in the school, before the reality of being tiny y7s hits home

Apart from anything else, an 11y shouldn't quite understand why it makes grown ups feel uncomfortable.

FauxFox Thu 18-Jul-13 16:28:33

What I'm trying to say is Y6 is the last chance some girls get to dress up in all innocence and I think those want to should be allowed to.

/\
Exactly!

FauxFox Thu 18-Jul-13 16:37:09

But cls the OP clearly said that some children went all out dressing up and others wore more everyday clothes. IME that is the case at all discos/birthdays etc whatever age you are. My DD is 8 and at the school disco last week there was everything from more traditional 'childish' frilly party dresses to jeans and Ts to jumpsuits/dresses that were more 'fashiony' for want of a better word. Nobody appeared to give a fig what each other were wearing except to admire the odd item whether that might be a pair of sparkly high heels or a T-shirt with a favourite cartoon character on.
I think adults project their own issues onto this, fgs let kids wear what they want and enjoy themselves. At 11 it may be one of the last chances thy get to truly be free to do this without having to think of what other (judgey) people read in their choices.

Groovee Thu 18-Jul-13 16:42:19

Oh good god! My son's school have a qually. Its what they called it when I left primary. It's actually a Ceilidh. The boys wear kilts, girls get dressed up. My dd's lot all looked lovely and the kilts looked stunning.

At this age the girls are all at different levels of maturity and so are different. But there's no need to slag them off.

Hulababy Thu 18-Jul-13 16:46:39

I don't particularly like strapless dresses on 11y but I have no issue with them choosing to dress up and put on some small heels, have their hair done and a bit of make up. It's all about learning to grow up, being allowed to do something a bit different to normal for a party, and having fun with their friends in a safe manner.

I bet most of us did it to an extent too - wanting to look grown up is very natural for preteens.

DD didn't have a prom but they had a BBQ and a photo shoot (small class, just girls) - and yes, the girls dressed up on the whole - no strapless dress I have to say bit saw plenty of rather short Hollister dresses and the like, and most had a bit of make up and some small heels on. They also had the hair straighteners and curing tongs out too.

I could hear them laughing and chatting, and still being young girls all the while. And even dressed up they ran around having a laugh together.

I was glad to see that our Y6 had a end-of-year party that looked a lot like a birthday party. They dressed up but for a children's party, not an adult ball, and although it was at a "venue" it was within walking distance of probably 90% of the children.

Hope that's still the case when my DC are that age. It's quite possible to have a big celebration without projecting adult expectations on to the occasion.

RalphtheTimid Thu 18-Jul-13 16:54:16

eccentricia your choice of words to describe some 10/11 year old girls has shocked me to the core.

Do you realise what you have actually said about these children?

Hulababy Thu 18-Jul-13 16:57:28

Pics on my profile of the types of things DD and her friends were dressed up in - though no shoes on the picture as barefoot for photo shoot - there was a mix though including a mix of small heels

parkin2010 Thu 18-Jul-13 17:06:54

I have an issue with proms at primary school full stop. That's something to celebrate the end of secondary schooling surely? A trip out or school hall disco is enough for primary in my opinion

FauxFox Thu 18-Jul-13 17:11:06

hula your DD is so pretty esp in the top pic. I hope she had lots of fun. I'm sure for many the "prom" is a school hall disco by another name parkin hmm

Euphemia Thu 18-Jul-13 17:12:53

The trouble is with secondary that people leave at different times.

Your DD looks lovely Hulababy, tbh I can't see much difference between her dress and DD's dress, except DD's had no straps.
It is really just a sun dress though, I bought it from Superdry.
Her heels were probably bigger too, but as I have said, they were mine, and she had converse to change into, but kept the heels on.

When I picked her up, I saw them all dance to the last couple of songs-Don't stop believing and Gangnam, and they looked like a bunch of 11/12 year olds having fun, not kids trying to be older than they are.

eccentrica Thu 18-Jul-13 17:20:10

Ralph "eccentricia your choice of words to describe some 10/11 year old girls has shocked me to the core. Do you realise what you have actually said about these children?"

Er, yes. I've said that their parents have dressed them in a style which makes them look like (at best) footballers' wives, and (at worst) like underage prostitutes.

Why, what did you think you read?

Some of the comments on this thread are laughable. Particularly:

1. The idea that 11-year-olds are all totally innocent, prepubescent children and that therefore dressing them up like (extremely tarty) women is some sort of joyous celebration of innocence. Clue: when I was 11 years old I'd started menstruating over a year earlier. I was 5 ft 6 inches tall, wore size 10 clothes and a C-cup bra. I had enough trouble from men twice or three times my age dressed in age-appropriate clothes.

Thank fuck I didn't have a mother who dressed me in high heels, fake nails, and a microskirt. I certainly wouldn't have looked like 'an innocent child playing dress-up', and although I was an early developer, I certainly wasn't off the scale.

2. Leaving that aside, the idea that even if you're talking about definitely prepubescent children (say 7 years old) that it's still somehow tasteful and not at all disturbing to dress them up in a this style which, in a nutshell, is a style adopted by adult women intended to appeal sexually to men. My daughter is nearly 3, and the idea of dressing her like that at ANY age, prepubescent, tween or otherwise is revolting. I sincerely hope she doesn't choose to dress like that as an adult either, but at least that will be her choice.

3. Above all, the idea that what is disgusting or sickening here is the words being used to describe it. Yeah - because the person with the sick, twisted mind is the person who objects to children being dressed up in this way. Er, right. hmm

eccentrica Thu 18-Jul-13 17:21:46

That is I had enough trouble from men twice or three times my age even though I was dressed in age-appropriate clothes. They weren't - that would be a whole other thread...

Hulababy Thu 18-Jul-13 17:23:31

BTW there are lots of Y6s who do have enough curves to hold up a strappy dress ime. Many are already wearing bras and well on their way to developing.

I don't think any of the girls I have seen at Y6 leavers stuff, your DD included Netto, who look anything other than young girls having fun. One of DD's friends does have a strapless dress, although not wearing at on the photo, and she doesn't look anything more than a young girl in a strapless dress - yes, as they often do they look a bit older dressed up - but they still look like young girls. And definitely not like mini prostitutes - urgh! Who really calls young 11y girls that?!

Hulababy Thu 18-Jul-13 17:25:00

DD has very small heels on that photo - but she has had higher, esp when she could wear my shoes. Now her feet are too big to pinch them, nd the ones she has on in the pics were bought specifically as we knew at one event she would need relatively sensible ones.

I think you just proved that if some twat is going to sexually harrass someone they will do so regardless of what they are wearing, so I'm not really sure of your point.

In that situation the blame lies firmly at the door of the person and their own twisted thoughts, not at the door of the victim of the harrassment and what they are wearing.

eccentrica Thu 18-Jul-13 17:42:58

Missy nice try to twist it into a case of 'victim blaming'. Perhaps you could respond to one of the points I actually made, rather than something I didn't say? This is nothing to do with sexual harassment.

The point I was making there, which you (deliberately?) misconstrued, was that it's nonsense to portray all 11-year-olds as prepubescent, flat-chested children who are playing 'dress up' in an innocent way. Whether they like it or not, many girls of that age are already starting to look like women (and may be extremely self-conscious about it).

My primary point, as made multiple times above, is that I think it's wrong and disturbing to dress children of any age in a style which mimics adult women trying to blatantly appeal sexually to men.

TBH I am really astonished that that appears to be a controversial opinion here.

My point (that you are deliberately missing) is that they are doing it to feel a bit grown up, not to attract men.

And, yes, now you mention it your post did have a bit of victim blaming going on.

Hulababy Thu 18-Jul-13 17:51:40

DD and her friends dress up for themselves. There are no boys at most of their school events/parties as it is a girls school, so not even trying to dress up to look nce for boys, it is just for themselves.

Predatory men who are interested in 11yo girls will be interested in them regardless of their clothes sad

Of course not all 11y are undeveloped. Many are developing well. My DD definitely is and she is not alone at school. 4 of them have started their periods (out of 11) and only a couple still dont wear a bra.

But that doesn't mean they shouldn't be allowed to dress up, especially in a safe environment where everyone is looking out for them. It isn't even as if at these parties (or proms) they are walking the streets or in a position to be getting into bother - they are with teachers, parents and other known adults.

picnicbasketcase Thu 18-Jul-13 17:51:56

I find the fuss they now make over year 11 leaving parties weird enough. The copying of American high school traditions seems to be fairly recent, we had a sixth form ball in my day, there was none of this 'prom' nonsense.

My DS is about to leave year 6 and his school just have a disco at school in the evening. I think they'd be utterly bemused if any of the children turned up covered in fake tan and riding in limos. And to be honest I would be a bit hmm at strapless dresses and heels on children that young too.

eccentrica Thu 18-Jul-13 17:52:55

WTF are you talking about, victim blaming? No, it doesn't. What a load of cock. Quote the relevant bit, where I blame any victim for anything, then.

I never said for one moment that the girls are doing it 'to attract men'. Could you do me the courtesy of reading what i've said, if you're going to engage in discussion?

it's bloody obvious that they are doing it to conform and to feel grown up. Which apparently can only be interpreted these days as dressing like someone off TOWIE.

I said they are dressed by their mothers in a style which mimics adult women trying to appeal sexually to men. That's what's wrong with it. That is not the same thing as saying the girls are trying to attract men.

Did you really think, when I said it was disgusting to dress 3-year-olds like that, that I was suggesting the 3-year-olds are trying to attract male attention??!

eccentrica Thu 18-Jul-13 17:54:40

oh and perhaps I should have said dressed by their mother, father, guardian or other person in a position of parental responsibility before someone decides to get worked up about sexism or something similarly off the point.

To be honest, you are getting so hysterical, and attributing words like 'prostitute' to children, nothing about your opinions would surprise me anymore.

I can't directly quote as I'm using the app just now, but your first point something like 'I had enough problems with men when I was wearing age appropriate clothes' then something like 'Thank God my Mother didn't dress me in short skirts and fake nails'.

If you didn't mean you would have been harrassed more for wearing a short skirt (ie blaming the wearers of short skirts and not the ones who think its fair game to harrass the wearers) then I wholeheartedly apologise. I can't think of what else you meant by it though.

I see your dd is 3, I guess when my oldest dd was that young I may have had views on things I didn't really have a clue about either, but parenthood is a learning curve and we all get shocks along the way. I shall look forward to reading your posts in 8 years time grin

Is this a good time to tell you that one of DD's friends will be staying over next week, in her room.
He is a boyshock
DD will likely wear her usual clothes of something with holes in and flip flops, definitely no impressing going on there.
They will spend their time giggling, eating pringles and chocolate, and making silly Youtube videos.

Netto your dd had an evening wearing a strapless dress and heels and now you allow her to have a male friend sleep over shock

She is clearly dooooooooomed. wink

FauxFox Thu 18-Jul-13 18:22:20

eccentrica
1. 11 year olds are innocent. Having periods/boobs developing does not make them not 'innocent' at age 11 loss of innocence is only caused by abuse surely?
2. Please can I see an example of these styles designed purely to attract men? I am seeing party dresses (some with short skirts/strapless) and party sandals with heels, a bit of sparkly make-up and nails. I am not seeing suspenders, stripper heels, bum skimming skirts, hot pants, false eyelashes etc...
3. Not sure what you mean exactly here.

And good luck to you trying to make your DD wear your choice of clothes after the age of about 6, my DD is now 8 and has very clear ideas of what she wants to wear and whilst I would not choose all her choices I am glad she wants to express herself. Clearly there are parameters and I don't allow her high heels for example, but if she wants to wear leopard print leggings instead of stripey ones why not? She likes them because they are animal print and she likes animals, not because they might be considered more racy on an adult.

Thymeout Thu 18-Jul-13 18:24:49

Hula - your daughter looks lovely. But I don't think the clothes her classmates have chosen are the same as what the OP is talking about. They look like what I'd expect 11 year olds to be wearing.

But in some schools, it really is strapless prom dresses, fake tans, hair extensions, high heels and micro-skirts. And I've heard of quite a few where there's been a big split in the PTA about it.

eccentrica Thu 18-Jul-13 18:27:21

Missy I meant that it was confusing and difficult enough for me as an 11-year-old who could have passed for 15 or 16, without then being dressed up as an adult woman with all that implies. Not that I expect children to be sexually harassed at a primary school event.

I am far from 'hysterical' - I'm just posting in between toddler and work demands, and it's very annoying to be deliberately misrepresented as it means wasting time 'defending' things I didn't say in the first place, and having the points I do make ignored.

I did not 'attribute the word prostitute to a child', I said i think it's wrong to dress children like prostitutes. That's what microskirts, heavy make up, fake nails etc. imply. Like I said, could equally be WAGs or the cast of TOWIE or whatever. I guess looking like a prostitute is fashionable if you're under 25.

My daughter will be 3 in September and yes, I'm sure there will be lots for me to learn along the way. But I am still able to form and explain my opinion on the OP's post without necessarily having first hand experience as a mum.

(Is Netto's last post aimed at me? I hope not because I can't for the life of me see what its relevance is!)

shinytoe Thu 18-Jul-13 18:35:46

Do away with the whole Prom thing altogether for under-16s, that's what I say.

It all causes too much of a fuss! What's wrong with a disco, where the kids are free to wear what they like without any feeling pressured to 'dress up'? God knows they'll get enough of that peer pressure to do so when they're older. We don't need to be facilitating that.

eccentrica Thu 18-Jul-13 18:38:15

Faux

1. I'm sure 11 year olds could equally have pole dancing parties in an innocent way (I remember a thread about this a while back) but that doesn't mean it's something parents would necessarily be comfortable with. Anyway, I remember being 11 and it is far from an innocent age in any sense. Perhaps some mums have deliberate amnesia when their daughters reach that age...

2. I don't have pictures, I was responding to the OP's post in which she described it as "having hair done, nails, accessories etc.. ...expensive, silk/satin strapless(what have they got to actually hold it up?)AND extremely short ball gowns with 3inch...strappy heels???!! It was something like sex in the City gone Bugsy...WRONG....sooo WRONG!!!"

3. I have been accused of being some sort of pervert for finding it distasteful to dress children up like that. I was saying i think it's more distasteful to do it in the first place.

"Clearly there are parameters and I don't allow her high heels for example, but if she wants to wear leopard print leggings instead of stripey ones why not?"

Indeed, why not? Not sure why you think I disagree with you here. I would also be fine with leopard print leggings but would draw the line at high heels. I think high heels clearly connote 'adult' and 'sexual' and young girls wearing them look either very silly, very wrong or both.

It's all about parameters isn't it? I can't make my daughter wear anything she doesn't want to NOW, so yesterday I let her wear bright green shorts with a pretty white dress and my big floppy white sunhat. No harm done. I drew the line though at a winter scarf, hat and gloves which she wanted to wear (in 30+ degrees). I'm the adult and better able to judge than her what is and isn't suitable. Surely that's the point?

No eccentrica, my last post wasn't aimed at you.
It wasn't aimed at anyone.

Thymeout Thu 18-Jul-13 18:48:11

Faux - I don't have a picture, but what would you say about black patent thigh boots with hotpants? A bit OTT for 11?

Trying on her older sister's clothes in her bedroom, experimenting with makeup at home - fair enough. But letting her out in public to a school event?

FauxFox Thu 18-Jul-13 18:52:45

See I don't think high heels connote 'adult' and 'sexual' I think they connote 'falling over' and 'sprained ankle'

I do think you are overthinking this a bit, but I feel the OP may have put a spin on her observations to sensationalise, I mean "hair done" could be a french plait, "nails" glitter nail polish is surely fine? "accessories" an evening bag? What a scandal! "expensive silk/satin strapless dresses" well I doubt there were very many strapless ones but even with that bit is this kind of thing really worth getting worked up about? As long as it doesn't fall off and is comfy what's the problem? I've already said I think high shoes are silly but it's more for safety reasons than sexy reasons confused

FauxFox Thu 18-Jul-13 18:55:56

thyme I would think that black thigh high boots and hot pants is not a good look at any age and i'd be surprised to see an 11 yo at a prom or anywhere else wearing that - have you seen this irl? If so i'd imagine that falls very much outside the 'normal range' of anyone's experience.

Thymeout Thu 18-Jul-13 19:06:12

Yes - tho it was at a disco - like the OP's daughter's leavers' do.

Perhaps calling it a prom might even raise the tone. smile

Maybe it's regional. London.

FauxFox Thu 18-Jul-13 19:07:42

Really? Did you mean knee boots or actual Pretty Woman thigh boots?

Thymeout Thu 18-Jul-13 19:13:43

Can't remember how high the PW boots were. She was a tall girl and they were definitely over the knee. Sort of stretchy.

i feel a bit mean because perhaps she WAS wearing her sister's clothes.

Thymeout Thu 18-Jul-13 19:16:04

And it was an extreme example, I agree. It's just that it's not so long ago that high heels and fake nails would have been thought of as extreme.

Rufus43 Thu 18-Jul-13 20:45:11

My DD has her prom/disco/dance/whatever else you want to call it as its pretty much the same thing! in the next few days. It is in the hall, will involve snacks and party games, kids stuff

Although its themed she will be in a very pretty dress, she may or may not wear heels and glitter makeup. She will also have her hair "done", I "do" my hair every morning by the way

I don't know of any local "prom" that has limos, fake tans and false nails. There will always be a small minority of girls and boys who do them selves up to the nines, they want to be like pop stars and red carpet actors not hookers.

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