To take my dog toileting in the park while 2yo DS is in bed?

(102 Posts)

My neighbour just suggested I do and she'd keep an ear/eye out for him (she has my mobile number). His room is on the back and she is always in her garden so would hear him if he cried. The park is a 10 second walk from my house - I can see my house from the park (it's across a road at the end of my road iykwim, my house is towards the end of my road). It's a small city park with a playground and highly populated with summer revellers at this time of year. The dog won't toilet in the garden, normally DH takes her out but he's away with work and will be all next month.

Obviously I pick up after the dog and as soon as the dog has been I'd be straight back. Thoughts?

LadyBeagleEyes Mon 15-Jul-13 20:43:16

Of course.
I'ts absolutely fine.

D0oinMeCleanin Mon 15-Jul-13 20:43:42

I don't see why not, but you do realise half a million posters are now going to come and tell you that your washer will explode the second you shut the door behind you, don't you?

lurcherlover Mon 15-Jul-13 20:44:43

I wouldn't. Can see why it's tempting, but what if (unlikely I know) a speeding driver knocked you over? Or (more likely) he woke up and didn't cry, just got out of bed and came looking for you?

MrsCampbellBlack Mon 15-Jul-13 20:45:39

I'm sure it would be fine. But in these situations I tend to apply the 'how would this read in the DM/on mn if something did happen' wink

As its still light, is it possible to take DS with you and put him to bed a bit later?

happyyonisleepyyoni Mon 15-Jul-13 20:46:09

Could your neighbour come and babysit while you are out instead

lurcherlover Mon 15-Jul-13 20:46:32

I wouldn't. Can see why it's tempting, but what if (unlikely I know) a speeding driver knocked you over? Or (more likely) he woke up and didn't cry, just got out of bed and came looking for you?

Can't the neighbour pop inside the house and babysit for a minute instead of listening from the garden?

MalcolmTuckersMum Mon 15-Jul-13 20:46:57

I've got my bingo card ready for the doomsday scenarios about to be played out - and wow! I've got one already! A speeding driver wiping you out and the toddler coming to find you!

Of course it's fine......but anyone else for bingo?

QOD Mon 15-Jul-13 20:47:44

I wouldn't unless the neighbour was told each time and by your back door. Child could wander, if something happened, sod what what Jesus do, what would social services do?

LadyBeagleEyes Mon 15-Jul-13 20:47:45

If you thought that way all the time Lurcher, you'd never leave the house.
The neighbour is listening out for him.
But Spot on DOoin grin

mynameisslimshady Mon 15-Jul-13 20:47:47

Just ask the neighbour to sit in your house for 5 minutes. Problem solved.

MrsCampbellBlack Mon 15-Jul-13 20:48:23

And lets not forget that actually if speeding driver took out mum, well then good job, baby son wasn't with her.

Personally I wouldn't do it. Take the dog before you put your dc to bed.

curlew Mon 15-Jul-13 20:50:24

You are completely unreasonable for using he word toiletting and toilet in this context.

But you are not unreasonable at all to take your dog to the park in these circumstances.

I'm actually paranoid about the washer exploding and even turn it off if I'm popping down to the shop to get some milk. blush

I can see the point about the road but it is not a busy road and traffic is clear from either side. I'm particularly paranoid about this to be honest as my young cousin was killed by being knocked down by a car a couple of months ago. sad He was drunk, though (not saying it was all his fault), and I wouldn't do it drunk.

He couldn't get out of his room as he has a baby gate he is unable to open and it is all child-proof in there.

I'm thinking I'll just keep taking him. Or even hire a dog walker for an hour a day, as he's at a pretty intense age (2 and a half) and doesn't sleep easily especially in this heat. When he was tiny and DH used to travel for work I'd just chuck him in the sling but it's not so easy now.

PlainOldVanilla Mon 15-Jul-13 20:51:26

I wouldn't, if something did happen he is home alone.

Ham69 Mon 15-Jul-13 20:51:44

Err, no, not worth it. He's 2. Can't the neighbour babysit/ go to the park with the dog? Can you go with your child slightly earlier tomorrow?

It'll be fine!

I love Doomsday Bingo grin

phantomnamechanger Mon 15-Jul-13 20:52:01

actually I agree that it is far more likely that something happen to the OP, than to her child.

KittensoftPuppydog Mon 15-Jul-13 20:52:03

My neighbour's baby alarm used to to work from my house.
Just an idea.

Sorry about my use of 'toilet/ing' grin With DH away I have less opportunity for adult conversation and to say PISS AND SHIT, I'm censored for the sake of DS, at least it's filtering through to my MN posts! grin

Ok I'm going to get the pushchair from the car and take him. I still have a PND hangover (still! sad) so I'm massively protective over him. I trust neighbour but maybe not while he's so small.

DespicableYou Mon 15-Jul-13 20:55:42

Never mind doomsday bingo, these threads always bring out the smuggy, boasty, attempting-to-be-too-cool-for-school posters who look down their noses at people who are more cautious in their parenting approach than they are.

Nagoo Mon 15-Jul-13 20:58:33

If you told the neighbour you were going and maybe give her the monitor, then yes I'd do it.

It doesn't matter (?!??!) If you get squashed by a car if she knows she's responsible for him.

fluffyraggies Mon 15-Jul-13 21:00:51

Well i'm another doomsday'er. Not that i have any particular doom in mind. I just hate the idea of charging round the park with the dog every night while worrying about my 2 year old.

Not worth it. I find sod's law follows me everywhere.

curlew Mon 15-Jul-13 21:03:55

Say to the neighbour- thank you so much, but I'm feeling paranoid. Would you mind just sitting in my living room for 10 minutes while I take the dog out?

LadyBeagleEyes Mon 15-Jul-13 21:04:28

I think I'm getting way too old for MN.
I didn't see danger at every corner when ds was little.
At 18 he's still here.

D0oinMeCleanin Mon 15-Jul-13 21:04:29

As I say on all of these threads if I was ever killed by a drunk/speeding driver I'd much rather my children be home alone than also be hit or be witness to my death, that's just me though hmm

littleblackno Mon 15-Jul-13 21:07:29

I'm sure it would be fine. I would do it if the neighbour was there but equally it's not going to matter at the moment if your DS goes to bed a bit late, espacially in this heat it's hard to sleep anyway so it may cool him down!

AnaisB Mon 15-Jul-13 21:11:58

leave a copy of this with your neighbour


chubbychipmonk Mon 15-Jul-13 21:22:43

Would your neighbour take the dog out?

curlew Mon 15-Jul-13 21:27:38

Why on earth should the neighbour take the dog out when she has offered a perfectly sensible solution which hardly inconveniences her at all. If I was the neighbour, I would be pretty pissed off if I made the kind offer to listen for the OP's child and ring if there was an issue, and she said "thank you, but could you walk my dog instead"

curlew Mon 15-Jul-13 21:29:18

anais- does the ook cover alien invasion and plane crashes? If not, it's not comprehensive enough for a properly responsible Mumsnet mother!

I could ask the neighbour to sit in my house. We don't have a monitor and actually her back garden is right below his window so she'd be more likely to hear him there than in the living room which is on the front. We hear him more quickly when we're in the garden too, it's just the layout of the house. In the living room, with the TV on, it sometimes takes us a couple of minutes to realise he's crying, when in the garden it's immediate.

Neighbour couldn't take dog out as she's scared of it. Our dog isn't bad but she is a tad nervous and barks when she is. She's most secure with me and will go to the toilet more quickly with me (even than with DH) - I literally stomp up and down the front path of the park so that dog can go on the grass, I pick up and go home, all within view of my house.

Anyway, I just took DS with me. He is now very awake and beating me up. sad TODDLERS. I wish I had more patience! smile

curlew Mon 15-Jul-13 21:31:08

Meercat- tomorrow, take your neoghbour up own her kind offer and ignore the Mumsnet loons. Honestly, it's fine.

Marshy Mon 15-Jul-13 21:32:23

This is one of the reasons I don't have a dog, though I would love one - toileting in the park - yuk.
But as for your AIBU, get the neighbour to sit in, or take the dog before bedtime

curlew Mon 15-Jul-13 21:35:29

PLEASE stop saying " toiletting"

HooverFairy Mon 15-Jul-13 21:36:41

Sorry if this makes me over protective and a bit lot PFB, but I wouldn't risk it. However, you know your house, neighbour and toddler so go with your instinct.

HooverFairy Mon 15-Jul-13 21:38:27

Mumsnet loon, that's a new one and very smug

Marshy Mon 15-Jul-13 21:43:02

If dogs didn't shit of have one. To be honest, toiletting would be great. No little warm bags to deal with.
Sorry, said it again :D

Nagoo Mon 15-Jul-13 21:43:41

Risk what? The neighbour is RIGHT THERE.

Marshy Mon 15-Jul-13 21:43:55

I'd have one I mean

HooverFairy Mon 15-Jul-13 21:46:23

No, the neighbour is outside in the garden, next door. The toddler is in the house alone. There are plenty of risks it's just a matter of how comfortable the OP is with the probability of them not happening.

LadyBeagleEyes Mon 15-Jul-13 21:47:42

What risk hmm?

McNewPants2013 Mon 15-Jul-13 21:48:20

I would only do it if i could trust the neighbour to stay outside for that 10 minutes.

McNewPants2013 Mon 15-Jul-13 21:49:11

I would give the neighbour the key to the door as well.

LizzieVereker Mon 15-Jul-13 21:57:49

I wouldn't personally. My DH works nights and I have been similarly stuck, so I appreciate this is a tricky situation for you. I would want the neighbour in the house, in case of toddler bad dreams/ falling out of bed/ being sick.
Is there not a friendly teen who would take the dog out for you for a few quid a week? Could the dog be encouraged to go earlier in the day?

curlew Mon 15-Jul-13 21:59:03

Risks? FFS- what risks?

Sorry curlew - TAKE A WAZZ AND A DUMP. grin

As I said, I'm considering getting a dog walker for summer, for an hour each evening to save this predicament. I'm also considering a cleaner for a month as DH is much better at keeping the house in check than I am blush

God knows how I'll afford it all but needs must!

LilacPeony Mon 15-Jul-13 22:09:49

The dog could get over-excited and run round and round you, leaving your arms pinned to your side by the lead. At the same time the neighbour could accidentally stick the trowel through her foot and pin it to the ground. You'd both be unable to get to your son if the hairdryer exploded. sad

ArgyMargy Mon 15-Jul-13 22:11:47

Curlew got it spot on. Toilet is not a verb.

curlew Mon 15-Jul-13 22:12:56

Cleaner- fantastic idea- everyone should have one. Including people who clean for a living- nobody should have to do their own cleaning.

Dog walker? Bonkers. Take your neighbour up on her kind offer, and spend the money you would have paid the walker on delicious white wine to drink with said neighbour in the garden when you get back.

QOD Mon 15-Jul-13 22:12:57

Re reading, if the neighbour KNOWS you are going each time and is right there or hanging round, I would. Sorry I sounded a bit more casual along the lines of "ah she'd hear him I expect"

iloveweetos Mon 15-Jul-13 22:45:13

I don't see a problem. Thinking of what ifs all the time would stop us doing anything.

MalcolmTuckersMum Mon 15-Jul-13 22:46:56

But.........but...........if you ask the neighbour to sit in for 10 minutes well - she might spontaneously combust or drop down dead and then you'd get struck by lightning or contract ebola on your way home and then your toddler wouldn't be able to get out of the rat infested bedroom and...........and.............. grin

mrsjay Mon 15-Jul-13 22:46:59

but you might be abducted by an alien grin I think if your neighbour is listening out and can get in your house take your dog for a poop

mrsjay Mon 15-Jul-13 22:48:45

I think I'm getting way too old for MN.
I didn't see danger at every corner when ds was little.
At 18 he's still here.

I think i am past it too LBE or maybe i was just neglectful I even nipped out and sat in the garden when the kids were in bed grin

mrsjay Mon 15-Jul-13 22:51:01

this is reminding me of the friends episode when a baby emma gets locked in the apartment and rachel thinks a pigeon will come in and steal her grin

curlew Mon 15-Jul-13 22:53:11

It's like the threads where people say you shouldn't leave your child in the car while you pay for petrol because you might be hit by a reversing truck. Because it would be sooooooo much better if you took your child with you so he could be hit by the reversing truck tool

thebody Mon 15-Jul-13 22:56:55

curlew, at my ore Ofsted meeting with a cm coordinator she told me I should take all the children out if the car to pay for the petrol, that was 2 babies, a two and a three year old!!

as I an not mental I declined and instead wrote a policy in filling my car up with petrol on a Sunday night!!

couldn't make it up really😃

LimitedEditionLady Mon 15-Jul-13 23:02:20

Sorry if you think im over protective (for you not me) but I wouldn't do that because Id be too scared to leave him and yes its a "you never know" but hey you never know and you have your doubts thats why youre asking.Id only go if the neighbour just came to my house."Things" can happen,"things"do happen.Not being rude but has your neighbour got supersonic hearing and legs of pure fury?if you thought nothing could happen at all then you wouldnt even need your neighbour.

Maryann1975 Mon 15-Jul-13 23:08:31

Do any of you sit in your own garden while your children are in bed? I do, frequently. I am as close to my children as my neighbour is when we are both sitting in our own gardens in the evening. So, yes I would take the dog for a quick walk around the park and let my neighbour listen for the sleeping children. I would also listen out for her children if the situation was reversed. Not for the whole evening, but 10 minutes is fine, IMO.

LimitedEditionLady Mon 15-Jul-13 23:15:40

I dont sit in my garden when theyre in bed to be honest i dont know whether im a crazy mother or not thats just me.I think my concerns come from something that happened in my home town that i cant detail but i have a reason to be like that.

propertyNIGHTmareBEFOREXMAS Mon 15-Jul-13 23:24:42

I wouldn't. What if your neighbour suffers a heart attack and you get hit by a car?

thebody Mon 15-Jul-13 23:25:22

it's what in your own comfort zones at the end if the day. very individual.

thebody Mon 15-Jul-13 23:25:45

it's what in your own comfort zones at the end if the day. very individual.

RobotBananas Mon 15-Jul-13 23:31:38

It would be illegal, wouldn't it?

foreverondiet Mon 15-Jul-13 23:32:52

I think its fine as your neighbour is babysitting - but do mention to her the doomsday scenario of your being crashed into by speeding car while out and that if you not back in 15 then she should call x y z etc.

I don't know, is it illegal? I don't think anything was illegal when I was a kid but I'm willing to believe otherwise confused grin

Neighbour has a DD (13) so she is quite aware of the responsibility, said DD has also offered to watch DS. They are nice people. Idk. Should I just avoid?

I have been abducted by aliens btw. wink

VixZenFenchell Tue 16-Jul-13 01:38:37

It's not illegal in the UK but there are some guidelines (nspcc) which suggest when is appropriate to leave a child and for how long. It is illegal in other countries (eg where I live).

If your neighbour is in your garden, with access to your house if she hears your child cry then I don't see it as any different to you being in your garden in the evening while your child is asleep. Your neighbour is babysitting for 10 mins, seems fine as long as they are prepared to stay there until you get back and recognise that they are responsible for your child for those 10 mins.

libertine73 Tue 16-Jul-13 02:39:19

as long as neighbour stays in ear shot, yes,I would, but it's not a long term solution is it? why can't the dog shit earlier?

God I need to go to bed, when im pondering strangers dogs toiletting schedules is time to turn in.

Ham69 Tue 16-Jul-13 07:18:42

grin at libertine

RobotBananas Tue 16-Jul-13 07:31:58

It must be illegal to leave a small child alone in the house? Surely?

Buzzardbird Tue 16-Jul-13 07:33:47

Neighbours dd could walk the dog for some pocket money. Sorted.

LimitedEditionLady Tue 16-Jul-13 07:34:40

Robotbananas i thought that too,isnt that part of the reason people dont?

curlew Tue 16-Jul-13 07:49:46

It"s not illegal. And this child is not being left alone- unless none of you ever go into your gardens while your child is in the house?

curlew Tue 16-Jul-13 07:51:30

"Neighbour has a DD (13) so she is quite aware of the responsibility, said DD has also offered to watch DS. They are nice people. Idk. Should I just avoid?"

13 year old sits in your living room for 10 minutes.


fluffyraggies Tue 16-Jul-13 07:54:04

See - for a one off, yes, but this dog is going to need a shit every day - not just the warm, sunny ones when the neighbour is happy to float about under the child's window for a while.

Surely OP you need to find a solution other than this.

I can imagine making the offer myself - ''oh i'll listen for your DS while you pop to the park''. Then finding myself expected to stand there every evening till the the child is old enough to go with the OP, or the dog changes it's shitting pattern grin

RobotBananas Tue 16-Jul-13 07:55:06

The child would be alone in the house though. If I go into the garden I'm still on the propert - that's all I meant.

BreadNameBread Tue 16-Jul-13 08:00:44

Give the nieghbours DD a quid to sit in the house each night.

Then there is no dilemma and everyone is happy and safe [smle]

curlew Tue 16-Jul-13 08:03:40

So it is just magical thinking then- mother in garden, child in house= child safe. Neighbour 5 feet further away in next garden, child in house-= child bound to be stolen by pigeons.

SummersHere Tue 16-Jul-13 08:06:24

I wouldn't do it OP. Mainly because my child almost choked to death in his sleep once and may well have done had I not been a trained first aider, and most certainly would have done had I not been in earshot.
It's not something you'd hear out in the garden and for that reason I use a monitor if I'm going to be sitting outside.
If that makes me paranoid/overprotective then so be it.

RobotBananas Tue 16-Jul-13 08:06:52

Heh, no that's not what I meant. If its not actually illegal (!) Then its a moot point, but I was thinking that from a legal perspective, someone in another garden wouldn't count as being in the property and looking after him.

I honestly don't know how my DCs made it through childhood.
I have never done a risk assessment including being stung by a wasp, washing machine exploding, child getting up to run a bath/fry an egg, being hot by a speeding car, before sitting in my garden or leaving them alone for 5 minutes.

This is one of those times that I am glad I hadn't heard of mumsnet, or any bloody parenting forum when dd was born.

LimitedEditionLady Tue 16-Jul-13 08:40:43

Its not a right or wrong really its how comfortable and assured you feel ive been near to someone who left theur child few minutes and something happened.

LimitedEditionLady Tue 16-Jul-13 08:42:19

Thing is we dont have to read this or listen to anyone else

I don't think I will do it, just for peace of mind. The dog might sense my anxiety and get stage fright, I could be gone hours if that happened! grin

aliasjoey Tue 16-Jul-13 12:17:05

I had a similar situation when DD was about 3.

Me: I am taking the dog out, I will be 20 minutes. Do NOT wake up your Daddy who has been ill with flu and needs to sleep. Unless it's an emergency.

DD: what kind of emergency?

Me: An emergency is blood or fire. Let him sleep.

DD: Or a burglar?

Me: Or a burglar. Do NOT wake up Daddy. Bye!

DD: Daddy, can I have a biscuit?

maja00 Tue 16-Jul-13 12:24:06

Child asleep in safe room they cannot leave
Neighbour in earshot, knows you are nipping out, has access to house
You'll be 10 minutes

I can't see the risk personally.

Emilythornesbff Tue 16-Jul-13 13:03:51

So you don't have a garden. (sorry, missed the detail)
And your neighbour has a key and is happy to stand in her own garden every evening while you walk your dog so she can listen out for your child?
Every evening?
I wouldn't do it.
Can't someone sit with him and then you can have a longer stress free walk/ run?

Edendance Tue 16-Jul-13 14:39:31

Can't you pop the dog in the garden? He might go if given the chance, and if he doesn't then he clearly doesn't need it that badly...?! I wouldn't leave your little one alone in the house, no.

5madthings Tue 16-Jul-13 16:10:56

I think it sounds fine, talking the 13yr olkd up on the offer to babysit sounds a great idea, do that smile

whois Tue 16-Jul-13 17:47:42


It will probably be fine. I would probably do the same in your situation. I am not an anxious person and quite lax about things tho compared to most MN doomsday posters.

Eden the dog won't go in the garden. It's a tiny concrete yard. I have tried making her go out there before but she just won't! Quite considerate I suppose as if she did it would stink and DS plays out there in his paddling pool etc.

I have decided against in anyway as per my last post so don't worry! smile

YummyYummyYum Tue 16-Jul-13 20:20:01

I would not do it. When I was a child there was a couple with a baby boy and the grandmother living together. The couple worked full time and the grandmother took care of the baby. They were new neighbours. Once the grandmother left the baby in the house and went to buy some pasta in the shop almost next to her house. No one knows how but there was a fire and the grandmother just kept shouting: my baby, my baby. Because they were new neighbours everyone thought she meant her son and the fact the house was being destroyed by the fire. She couldn't say more. Only after the firemen arrived and found the body of the baby boy, people realised she meant her grandson.

curlew Tue 16-Jul-13 20:37:59

yummy- presumably there wasn't an alert neighbour in the next garden listening out?

RobotBananas Tue 16-Jul-13 20:44:43

ugh, this thread is idiotic.

Of course you don't leave a 2yo unattended in the house, only on MN would you hear otherwise.

TeamSouthfields Tue 16-Jul-13 20:49:34

Why cant u take the dog out while ur son is still awake?

IWillGetThere Tue 16-Jul-13 20:55:56

Train your dog to go in the yard. When you bag up his poo from the park, leave it in the yard and your dog should get that is his place to poo. Once he gets used to it you can bag it up as he does it so your yard is clean.

I will say it again - I have not and will not be leaving him, I will take DS with me when I take the dog for a shit.

My neighbour just offered as we were chatting over the (low!) fence, I mentioned DS had just passed out on the sofa and I wanted to move him into bed but couldn't as had to plonk him in the pushchair to take dog to park. She very kindly offered to keep an ear out for him as she knows my husband is away with work a lot over the summer and appreciates it can be a pain to wake a sleeping child as they (especially in this heat!) don't always want to go back to sleep!

I appreciate all the comments but tbf I wouldn't feel right leaving him, he's my pfb and I have anxiety anyway. I declined last night when she asked and if she mentions it again I'll just say I'd rather take him - no issue!

ravenAK Tue 16-Jul-13 21:27:01

I think it's fine.

But I would go with bunging the 13yo a quid to sit in the house each evening. Then in a couple of years, you'll have a babysitter all trained up so you can actually go out for the evening.

libertine73 Thu 18-Jul-13 12:23:43

meerkat you know this will rumble on MN loves a good 'baby leaving' thread grin

Think you've decided right though, if you're not 100% about anything, best to not do it (tries to listen to own sage advice)

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