Oh joy, it's another Teacher's Present thread!(96 Posts)
So, I stupidly said I'd do the collection. I informed parents via slips in book bags, no sum was mentioned. I deliberately kept no record of who donated and how much, that's up to the individual. Our catchment is very mixed and I don't want to know people's financial situation. Some gave a lot, some a little, some didn't give. My way of collecting was just to stand in the playground twice a day as usual, never asked anyone directly for money. So far, so what, right?
Except that two mums now want a card attached to the present, listing who donated. One says it is "important" that the teacher knows who gave. Er, why? We are buying a gift to say thanks for being a great teacher, not for a pat on the head!
Abui to just send the gift with a card saying, "From the families of your Y6 students"?
YANBU. Suggest you ask them why it's so important - they're either going to squirm VERY entertainingly or show themselves up as really rather nasty.
They are wankers. And I should imagine the teacher wouldnt be happy with that list attached.
I would want to question their motives. I know you said you didn't keep a record of who gave what, but I am willing to bet they are the ones who gave the most.
That's really twatty of them.
Yanbu. At all. Just stick to your plan.
Ignore and carry on as you planned. That's what I would do anyway! Cant be arsed with this sort of nonsense..
The only use I can see for the list is for the teacher's thank you notes. I got a group gift for the first time this year, along with several other small, individual ones and, if the card that came with the group gift hadn't been written in by all the children whose parents had contributed, I wouldn't have known who to write cards to. I would have felt awful only acknowledging those who had made their own arrangements it trying to guess who had contributed and hurt someone by missing them out or embarrass them by including them when they hadn't joined in.
However, I think the parents' right to privacy probably trump the usefulness of the teacher knowing.
Actually, one of them gave the least! DH wants me to suggest writing the list in ascending order of giving, just to see her head explode! I remember that one clearly as my friend was standing next to me and was a little shocked by just how small the amount was!
Another problem is that having deliberately kept no records, I can't be totally sure that I won't miss someone out! Some people gave the money to others to pass on. I think I have the full list now but am not sure. What if I miss someone?
Or trying, not it trying.
Why not just say thank you to the group, class?
Sorry but I do not understand all this gift-with-obligations-attached-thing. Give it freely or dont give at all for goodness sake!
"Oh what a good idea, we have had some very generous donations! I will put the list in order of who gave the most to who gave the least, then there will be no confusion!"
And then, as you said, watch her head explode!
Yanbu. Tell her that it might make the teacher feel funny to know who didn't give.
viewwitharoom I would, of course, say thank you to the class but the children didn't buy the present and it would be appallingly rude not to write a thank you letter to the parents too.
The teacher is actually leaving the school and so could write a note to all saying how nice it has been to work with their children and how kind it was that people sent such lovely gifts.
YANBU to refuse to give a list of who paid (and therefore who didn't)
But rather than have a generic "From the families of your Y6 students"? card, why don't you organise the whole class to make a giant handmade card, complete with handwritten messages, pictures etc from all the students in the class. That way, all students, regardless of how much they were able to financially contribute, will have contributed something (their effort and time) to give to the teacher.
P.S. I have never heard of a teacher sending a thank you letter to anyone who has given a present. A verbal thank you yes, but never a note. Are all the teachers I know very rude?
Love the idea of the card but it's a practical nightmare as I have client meetings every day this week!
Give each child a small piece of paper to do a picture on and cut them out and stick on to a big card?
You have a whole class of parents and because two of them have told you you should have a list of donations, you're considering dropping your own plans and following theirs? Why? Stop compiling lists in your head and tell them no. If they want to do it differently next year they can offer to do the collection.
Well I think it's not on tbh that parents who chose not to contribute will be credited as doing so!
If there us a card attached saying 'from all y6 parents' then that's not true is it?
The mum at ours who has done it this year has a list with the names of who's put in (not amounts), and she then passed aroung a card to those people. I didn't put in as I had already got a little something so I didn't sign the card!
I don't really understand why you would think that this was BU?
Paula: Because it shows each family's financial situation, which is very personal.
Seriously who cares who donated what to the teacher.This is not exactly high finance.
It is terribly bad form to put only some names and not others.
This is after all about the kids saying thank you not who gives what depending on the size of the bank balance.
These women should be truly ashamed of themselves and embarrassed that they have shown themselves up for what they truly are .Nasty people.
You seem incredibly petty, paula. The best thing is to not actually know who put money in and then there won't be a problem.
A small square of paper with a DC's personal message stuck on a big card sounds ideal.
* I have never heard of a teacher sending a thank you letter to anyone who has given a present. A verbal thank you yes, but never a note. Are all the teachers I know very rude?*
I always sent a thank you note. We expect DCs to do so, or at least a lot of people do, so I don't expect to not do it myself. It isn't a good message that children have to write notes and adults don't. I never handed them out publicly so no one would have been aware.
I understood these gifts to be on behalf of the children, is that not the case?
If it is the case when why should a child be excluded from any card or gift tag because their parents cant or wont donate?
Exotic, the teachers in our small primary all send thank you cards. The Ta's not so much though.
I sort of agree with Paula. If you contributed at a works collection, you sign the card at the same time. This may have been easier although harder to conceal on the playground I admit.
Some may be doing their own thing, some may disagree with teachers presents (lots on here dont give) and may not want to be included on the card. The other ladies have not asked for amounts, simply that those who have contributed sign the card. Is the teacher likely to cross check it against the register, i dont think so.
Ok I must be very rude then because I have never sent thank you notes. Always a thank you to the class and not just for any gift but genuine thanks for their contributions to the class during the year (so it would be to everyone in the class)
Just out of interest how do you send these thank you notes home, via child?
Just consider the card and gift which only has some pupils names on it. Don't you think that sours the whole thing from the teacher's point of view? I know it would for me.
viewwitharoom I don't think you are particularly rude as you thank in person. I send notes home in the envelope with the child's report because the children go home at lots of different times, some are boarders and duty staff see the children out of school not class teachers. So, unless they come to speak to me about something, I don't see the parents to say thank you to. Plus our reports go out on the last day of term so it's easy to put a card in.
Well I must be very rude then because I have never sent thank you notes to all the parents and children who contributed to my leaving/retirement present. The card said from all parents past and present. I said a verbal thank you through my tears to everyone I saw at my leaving speech at assembly and to anyone who gave me an individual token. I would hate a class collection each year though.
I think it is quite horrible to leave some names off because they had parents who didn't contribute-why does it matter?
I wrote thank you letters because I don't expect children to do things that I don't do myself. They were in a new class by the time they got them and I can't think that anyone else noticed. Junior aged children do not go around saying 'oh look at my letter from Mrs Exotic'!
I never sent thank you letters to the parents-I never had a class collection present, except when leaving when I just wrote a thank you letter for all. I had no idea who contributed-it never crossed my mind that it mattered-and it would have just been to 'all' anyway.
On the individual front, if a child has spent time making something it is nice to give them a little note.
The thank you notes were quite largely for my own DCs benefit-we used to have 'blood, sweat and tears' (mainly mine!) getting them to write the things. If you then say that you are an adult ,and don't need to,it doesn't leave a leg to stand on!
We do the sticky label in card for teachers. Kids write their name on it and draw/decorate if they like.
It would be bloody hilarious/gobsmacking if the parent wrote the £ amount they contributed.
I'm doing the class collection this year and have had a lot of input on how they think I should be doing it. Just do what you want to do. If they don't agree then maybe they should do it next time !
YANBU, because its just distasteful to give a teacher a card with only some of the children's and parents names on it.
But I can understand people wanting their donation to be acknowledged somehow so that the teacher knows they donated and are therefore appreciated.
That's not to say that the teacher isn't appreciated by people who have chosen not to donate, but if someone has chosen not to donate, then they have chosen not to show their thanks and appreciation through the collection.
It's all very well to say that we should give freely, but if that were strictly true then none of us would ever expect thanks for the gifts we give, and it wouldn't be seen as rude when people don't say thank you.
I would give these women the benefit of the doubt and think that they just want the teacher to know that they have thought of her.
If they insist on a list, simply list every name from the class. If they want to run around being private detective and double checking who donated, let them waste their time.
I didn't find it distasteful to get a card written by some of the children in my class for a very generous gift from their parents. Approximately 10 of the children's parents had joined together. Another 4-5 did their own thing. 2-3 didn't get anything.
I don't know offhand who those parents were, nor do I mind in the slightest. But I don't feel any less pleased and grateful for the group present because it wasn't signed by everyone. I think that's quite a strange attitude.
I think you must know a lot of rude teachers!!! I always write a thank you card...to the children as they are the ones who gave it me even if the parents actually paid for it.
Well thanks for calling me petty!
Ok this is the scenario,you have 30 families, each one is asked if they would like to contribute to a collection. 20 families contribute, the remaining 10 decide they either can't afford, don't like the teacher, have done their own thing etc.... then a card is sent around to all 30 parents to sign it? How stupid and pathetic is that?
Next time there is a collection at work for sometime I barely know, I won't put in, but will accept thanks for something I didn't contribute to? Yeah that makes sense.
As I said earlier, I didn't put into the collections this year as I had done my own thing,(and written my own card with the kids) I therefore would not dream of signing the card to go with the gift purchased with the collection. To do so would be rude.
I never said you were petty.
I never suggested that people sign a card, donors or not. I wanted a gift to be given, no names, just a nice surprise.
I will never volunteer to do a collection again and would not recommend someone else to get involved. My serious efforts at sensitivity, discretion and good manners were apparently a waste of time as some will not give unless they get credit for their gift, not in a group but personally. Why did I bother waiting till I got home to open donations given to me in an envelope? I should have just yelled the donor's name and a figure across the playground! Why did I bother?
Could the teachers answer for me?
How do you feel about receiving presents at the end of term? Do you expect? Appreciate it? Do you care if certains
parents children do or dont give you gifts?
I have never done teachers gifts, it wasnt the expected thing when DS started school 117 years ago, and not really dont when DD started 11 years ago. Around here at least, it has only really started happening in the last 5 years or so. This year there is no way I could afford it, but I do always support the fetes and fundraising events. In fact this years Summer Fete (yesterday) was woefully underattending and I got lots of parent points from the Head Mistress for attending
That would be 17 years ago, I am not that old
Oh FFS! Ignore the typos, knackered and hot!
what a pain.
teachers want a simple card with a nice message.
if you want to do more add a specific reference to something they have done that was good/beyond what was expected etc, so they can use it for evidence in performance management.
As a teacher you don't expect anything, you appreciate it if they do bother. A handmade card with a personal message from the child ( not dictated by the parent) is best.
I can't see the need for class collections if they cause this much bother. I also don't see why you don't have a square for each DC to sign the card- regardless of whose parents gave- and the parent doesn't need to sign at all.
I go back more than 17 yrs with my DCs and everyone did it then. It isn't new- except it was always personal and not collected.
exotic Whereabouts in the country are you?
I am in the North East Mids, and we tend to be quite significantly behind the times
I much preferred little cards either made by or written on by the children. Also I had lovely letters which I have kept from parents. Until now I have never heard of class collections for end of year or Christmas, only for a teacher leaving. With the collection gift (I do not approve) could you just put a card with it saying "Thank you for teaching Class ...... Hope you enjoy the holidays" and then no one has signed it.
The South- that probably accounts for it!
The personal messages from pupil or parent, the odd box of chocs shared in the department, the platter of freshly made samosas and pakora that were shared in the staffroom!
For what its worth Dr Seuss I think you went about it in the best way but sadly these things are always doomed when some people think their contribution means they can dictate terms and conditions!
If you do it again just tell those who query it that everyone put in- stops the arguments.
tell them most other parents want it to be anonymous and next yr they can do their own thing instead
Back in old god's time when I was a teacher, I didn't want anything at all, but was deeply gratified and flattered that some if the parents felt kindly enough to send in some chocolates.
This may be disappointing, but to be honest, five minutes after I had gotten them and put them away to take home and get on with the day's work, I didn't remember particularly which child had given me what, or which child had not given me anything. It didn't matter very much - it was lovely to get presents, of course it was, but it was the children themselves who mattered.
I'd have been mortified to get anything more than a small box of matchsticks (love them!) or something along those lines. A group gift which made it clear that some did/did not participate would have been difficult. Because you'd always be left with the question of why. Were some parents under pressure and humiliated to have their child's name omitted? Had you unwittingly done something to hurt a child that left the parents ready to make a public, obvious statement? That'd be the gift that just keeps taking.
I always write thank you letters to the children. I either wrote them on the same day in my lunch hour or posted them in the holidays.
I loved getting little cards/small gifts but didn't expect them.
Exotic, I am never doing this again!
I am not surprised - it is generally a thankless task!
I prefer a note than a present any day. I've kept them all and read them after a bad day when I feel like packing it all in.
My tutor group wanted to get a gift from our class to a teacher. One child who is quite well off insisted that only people who contributed could sign the card. I refused and said that if we do a class thing, it's from the whole class and we are not excluding children as there may be many reasons why they can't contribute.
If need recognition for giving then you shouldn't give at all. A card with a little message from all the children would mean the most to me
If the idea of mentioning "families" doesn't work, just write "children". The teacher is going to know that it was the parents who contributed anyway.
And I really like the way you went about it. I've read so many awful stories on here about people being humiliated and your way of collecting was really kind spirited. I'm going to keep it in mind for the future!
It's a bloody minefield.
This year I am not getting DDs form teacher a present. it will be the firs time since she began school that I haven't.
He has been so wishy washy and wet he doesn't deserve anything <miserable cow>
Times have changed substantially since my kids left school, there was no collection or gift. Now I have DD 8m I suspect that in not to many years this will crop up.
It's difficult for DD but I'm really not inclined to participate in it.
I tend to agree with Don Draper. When accused of never saying thank you, he replied, that's what the money is for.
I do understand though, that as it is now the done thing, peer pressure will mean DD will want in on the action and I guess I'll not have much choice.
firstly, well done for offering to do it....it is indeed a thankless task!
in my kids school, the collector of money gives the child a large white sticker (printer label type ones) who then writes their name and message (if any) on the sticker and returns it to the collector of money.
she then sticks all of the names on to one big card.
I think your idea though of just from the children is far nicer....
I am not donating this year for various reasons (but am making a small gift from kids) and i'm really stressing about the fact that the teachers and TAs will know I haven't donated.
as an aside, I work in a school where poverty is rife. staff don't get gifts from families at all, but will often have a very heartfelt thank you in person from a family member, or a hug from a child who tells you you have made a difference to them. this is what it's all about for me.
but, I would be very thrilled to get a john lewis voucher for £100 at end of year and Christmas too like the staff in my kids school get bitter? me?!
Who cares if some children who's parents couldn't afford or didn't want to contribute might be given credit? Really? Is it that important to them that they want to exclude children in this way? It's a class gift surely? Therefore from all the class.
As a TA and previously as a teacher I always send thank you notes to the children or parents I have received gifts from, usually written ones. I also give each child I teach a small gift too.
Oh and at school all staff cards are signed by everyone too.
Tell the other parents that they are welcome to give a card to the teacher from their own child if they feel strongly that one must be provided. Being petty about who donated how much goes against everything we've spent a year teaching the students about working together, being fair and inclusive.
I'd personally rather a whole pile of handmade (by the children) cards than one big impersonal card anyway.
A parent at our school did this a few years ago. If you put a donation in then you also signed the card. Other parents did not want to contribute as they did not like the idea. Other ones wanted to choose their own present for the teacher and therefore did not contribute to the collection.
TBH it made sense to me that if you were the parents giving that gift then your name was in the card. I would not want my name (or even the implication that u contributed when I did not) on a card/present I had not contributed to. It does not seem petty to me. These parents probably are just worried the teacher does not think they have forgotten her. The OP has said that any value of contribution was great - so no one was excluded.
OP well done for organising a
Whoops......organising a lovely idea.
MeAnt 'that I contributed when I did not'
Half asleep this morning!
Goodness, I had no idea this went in! My eldest dd will start school next year mind, so guess I've all this to look forward to. Having said that, we do do little pressies for the nursery staff when she moves from one room to another, but its something little like a little plant where we decorate the pot or handmade biscuits at Xmas time (never again, the gingerbread would have broken teeth...!)
I'm against collections in the whole, esp if people start insisting a note of who gave and who didn't is included. Why not ask each child to complete an a4 piece of paper with whatever they want - a picture, a photo, a collage, a poem, a joke an insert into one of those folders with clear sleeves. Surely a teacher would find that touching, inspirational and more meaningful than a box of chocs, perfume etc?
I'm a TA. I always seek to thank in person for any gifts I receive. My favourite things ,though, are the hand-drawn notes or drawings from children.
Parents may not know that ,at Christmas and Easter,I usually give each child a little gift (probably sweets or chocolate). We tell children not to eat them before they have asked their parents,but I think things get eaten before then!!
I don't have to do it, I do it because I want to.
That is what a gift is.
Oh and OP, YADNBU. can't believe the brass necks of those women...
I think that I must be missing the point( thankfully never having had one) but I thought the collection was for the children to give a present from the whole class and it would be the children who signed the card? Therefore it seems petty to miss a child out because the parent didn't contribute. If you simply pass a collection tin around and have no idea who put in and get the children to sign there is no problem.
I'm a teacher. I would NOT want it pointed out to me who gave and who didn't. I would find it very uncomfortable having a card or present with only some names on. I can guarantee you there will be some children in the class with terrible circumstances only I know about whose parents could or would never give. I would want to thank the class as a whole because the same children will have been left out all through primary.
A present as a thank you is a lovely thought but saying who donated is crass, unnecessary and just snobbery.
There is a collection going on at my child's school at them moment for a class teacher who is leaving the school at the end of term, organized by another member of staff. I feel genuinely miffed that the children have been asked to contribute to this collection!!! A staff member is leaving... staff should do a collection... perhaps I just have a very strange opinion!
I didn't send a card or present last year (my child's reception year) and i was gobsmaked at the fact that nearly every single child rocked up with a card and present for their teacher. This never happened when i was in school! I just dont understand it. Fair enough if that teacher was AMAZING etc etc... but its seems mandatory and expected. Tesco and card shops are full of teacher cards and presents (complete marketing con to get you to spend money).
Most professions are not allowed to accept personal gift. I don't know why it seem acceptable to promote the buying of gifts for this profession!!!
I would really like to think that there is no expectation from a teacher regarding end of year or leaving presents but you are right that there is some trade in cards and gifts these days.
I have had cards and small gifts from classes and individual pupils over the years but certainly nothing on the lines of gift vouchers/spa days as is mentioned in other threads. Expensive gifts like this make me feel uncomfortable and lead to situations where families feel obligated etc etc
If you really want to show appreciation then really a thank you is sufficient whether in a card or said face to face.
My children do not give their teachers presents or even cards but they do say thank you especially after any extra activities which I know have taken extra time etc from the staff. I know from experience that this simplest way to show appreciation is becoming rarer all the time.
Thank you all for making me feel I am the sensible one here!
I am currently fighting the feeling that the gift is now a little tainted. I have always loved picking presents for people and have been told I'm quite good at it. I chose something I thought was special for a teacher who is emigrating and was excited about the handover, which I pictured taking place first thing on the last day so that the parcel could be undone and all the bits examined with the kids. It's for use post move and I pictured the kids getting emails with pictures of life overseas, featuring the present in use. I know all this will still happen but somehow it has had the shine taken off it. I know I am being over sensitive.
Some people are suggesting listing the donations in amount order, with the largest first. Why would that make pushy mum's head explode?
Giving the actual amounts will make it pretty obvious to everyone, including the teacher, exactly who gave what. Isn't that the point? .
No, the point is Flogging that she will realise that despite her own beliefs, she gave one of the smallest amounts so will feel very very foolish for making a big deal out of it. Clearly she thinks she has been very generous!
I think I've posted this before; but when ds1 was in Reception they had a class collection, and everyone donated the suggested amount except one mum who refused to give anything as she disliked the teacher.
Fair enough, except that when the collecting mum had gotten everyone's signature on the card, she wrote in large capitals on the envelope -
"from everyone in Class x, except Charlie"
No one knew until it was presented to the teacher, and it left a pretty vile taste in most people's mouth, including, sadly, the teacher's who's gift it was.
It'll be exposed either way though, Bogey, won't it?
It's got nothing to do with money who gave what
Its about the kids
Why should child feel different if their parent didnt give a donation
Why can't people see the bigger picture
These are kids they all just want to be the same as their peers.
*when the collecting mum had gotten everyone's signature on the card, she wrote in large capitals on the envelope -
"from everyone in Class x, except Charlie"* what a cow!!!!!
Most professions are not allowed to accept personal gift. I don't know why it seem acceptable to promote the buying of gifts for this profession!!!
Agreed - and I speak as a former teacher. Little personal gestures - such as a verbal thank you or a home made card - from the pupils mean the most anyway. This whole situation regarding present giving seems to have got way out of hand - and I still think it has ethical implications.
My children do not give their teachers presents or even cards but they do say thank you especially after any extra activities which I know have taken extra time etc from the staff. I know from experience that this simplest way to show appreciation is becoming rarer all the time
It always used to be quite simple with a few chocolates, flowers etc.
I think it must be embarrassing to get expensive whole class presents.
It used to be even simpler Exotic with a "Thank you" when you picked them up on the last day.
That is going back a long, long way- I am old enough to have taught many posters on here and I got presents way back then!
I'm a TA and occasionally I get a little gift at the end of term, a bunch of flowers or a bat of chocolate, and I've always written and posted a thankyou note. I usually put some of those sparkly confetti smiley faces in the envelope too.
I have just been with a little girl whose elder brother came through school a couple of years ago. He was a bit of a handful and I spent a fair amount of time and effort with him, and we had quite a rapport going on. On the last day of term he mooched up, shoved a gift in front of me, gave me a hug and slotted off. I sent him a thankyou note as usual. His little sister told me he still has that card on his chest of drawers.
Op I think YANBU, those women should be ashamed of themselves. A gift isn't about the value, it's the thought behind it and would anybody seriously be happy with themselves leaving some children's names off a card?
I am a TA too and I would be happy with a hug.
never get involved with competitive giving.
get your kid to make a card if they want to and that's fine.
Well I think we agreed earlier that it is probably a region thing Exotic! Presents here are still a rarity, and generally only happen for the Reception teacher by first timers! The rest of the teachers must get very pissed off with her on the last day
Regional? Up here in the beautiful North East, most send a little something to primary teachers.
Not the norm here and we are further north, but it wont ever be the norm in this house as I stated earlier.
In my school (secondary) it is more common to get a card and tin of sweets for all the staff which go in the staffroom. Sometimes this even happens a few years later, like after a former pupil has graduated.
So, the present was handed over, by two kids I chose because they are both really shy and never get picked. Not my child, I hasten to add! Hatchet faces were worn by some. A general gift tag went on the present, the Two Musketeers chose to have people write in a card if they had donated. They asked people themselves, I refused to give any list.
Not read all the replies, but just wanted to say YADNBU. Tell them to get lost.
Why the f* does it matter who donated what and how much?
None of their business.
I can't stand all this stupid bloody competitive present giving that seems to be the norm nowadays.
Ignore glory seeking bitches
Game, set and match to you DrSeuss- well done!
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