to be annoyed by friends who post 'thank you so & so for the lovely dinner' on fb, just showing off their wonderful social life

(162 Posts)
fridgealwaysfull Sat 13-Jul-13 12:27:25

Surely if you've been invited to someone's house for dinner you thank them then. The only reason people post thank yous and tag the names of those present is just to show how popular they are and make others feel like we have no life. Winds me up.

PearlyWhites Sat 13-Jul-13 12:28:10

Yabu and a little paranoid

I find in life that it is always better to assume good motives for people's behaviour, rather than bad.

Possible explanations for thanking on FB:

They forgot at the time
They use FB differently to you and think it's just like messaging
They wanted to thank them publicly because it's nice
They had a great time and wanted to thank again
They are bastards who hate everyone and want to show off

Which one sounds like something I would think about "friends"?

mrsjay Sat 13-Jul-13 12:34:29

Life mustve been so much easier before facebook OP stop being jealous and stop getting upset about nothing these people can use and say whatever they want on their facebook, If you are so insecure about other people maybe you shouldnt have facebook,

AntlersInAllOfMyDecorating Sat 13-Jul-13 12:36:00

YABU - Facebook is a social network. That's what it is there for.

WorraLiberty Sat 13-Jul-13 12:36:01

My god, it wouldn't ever cross my mind to get annoyed about that.

VitoCorleone Sat 13-Jul-13 12:36:07


cheerfulweather Sat 13-Jul-13 12:36:35

You mean posting publicly on the person's wall? I don't get that. Why not send a PM or an email? Why the public conversation?

mrsjay Sat 13-Jul-13 12:37:23

Why the public conversation?

why not ?

cheerfulweather Sat 13-Jul-13 12:37:37

I don't know about any other ulterior motives. Just don't know why the thank you would have to be public.

Dillydollydaydream Sat 13-Jul-13 12:39:34

Ah, but did they also take a picture of said meal and post it on FB?

stargirl1701 Sat 13-Jul-13 12:39:40

YABU. That's the point of Facebook.

What is acceptable to put on FB then? In the past few days we've had complaints about holiday photos, school reports, any kind of parenting advice that differs from someone else's. What passes the MN challenge of acceptable FB posts?

mrsjay Sat 13-Jul-13 12:41:37

with some of the people i haveon facebook some have no children so they are off on a random weekend somewher another lives abroad and has drinks by the pool most days, another has just gone on her first childfree holiday with a balcony a jacuzzi pool should I have envy building up because they have a nicer time than I do <shrug>

ImNotBloody14 Sat 13-Jul-13 12:42:23

We should all have every conversation in private. Anything else is excessive and braggy wink

mrsjay Sat 13-Jul-13 12:42:26

Akiss there is a thread running in chat about what is acceptable on fb wink

quoteunquote Sat 13-Jul-13 12:45:40

Invite them for dinner, and enjoy being thanked.

The only time I find it annoying is when the message is punctuated by phrases such as 'cheeky lil cocktail wink' or 'having a sexy lil bbq with ma bestie X wink'.

Because it's painful to read.

It is odd though that they're updating these statuses while in the throes of the wonderful time they're having. If it's so wonderful in the garden with the sun shining and your sexy lil bbq, why are you on your phone? hmm

fridgealwaysfull Sat 13-Jul-13 12:47:57

It's bragging. Holiday pics etc I don't mind, but thanking someone for a meal and tagging the 4 people that were there is excessive. Yes, we know you are popluar and get invited to lovely bbqs on your decking filled with John Lewis cushions, but keep it to yourselves, no need to tell everyone. I'm not insecure, I think they are!

Painful in the eyeroll sense, not the forever alone sense, btw.

What? confused

It's a social network! If you don't like it, hide it. Was given a very nice surprise present by DP a few days ago that I posted on FB, despite having already said thank you to him as it seemed like a nice thing to do for him and I wanted him to know how chuffed I was with it. I didn't actually once think about it possibly being bragging or show offy!

I'm also a skint single parent so I don't think John Lewis cushions come into it at all. This is your problem, clearly hmm

(I'm aware some people just think it's annoying but I only have close friends and family on my FB so it was sort of relevant in that sense. And again, if someone doesn't like it they can easily hide the story on their news feed. Problem sorted).

mrsjay Sat 13-Jul-13 12:55:47

so if you are not insecure and see them as bragging then hide them why are they your friends are you normally so easily annoyed and what has JL cushions got to do with anything,

fwiw I have never been in a John Lewis in my life so have no idea what the JL reference is about

TidyDancer Sat 13-Jul-13 12:58:44

Why does this bother you?! Just bloody hide the posts or delete people if you don't like reading it!

Me thinks a touch of the green eyed monster is in play here.

mrsjay Sat 13-Jul-13 13:00:55

Yeah envy is at play here you are just peed off they didnt invite you

Mintyy Sat 13-Jul-13 13:01:49

Of course it is bragging! Yanbu to find it annoying. Some people love to boast on facebook, I don't know why there is such strong denial about this. I really dislike showoffy people, its why I have such a problem with one or two posters on Mn!

meddie Sat 13-Jul-13 13:03:20

I think it was a nice way to publically acknowledge their friends hosting and would just give me a warm glow to see something like that. Obviously all we are allowed to post on facebook these days is


Having a shit life, no holiday this year, kids doing crap at school, not been out for ages....

tunnocksteacake Sat 13-Jul-13 13:05:15

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

^ Oh hell yes. I'd rather see happy 'bragging' statuses than those 'woe is me' ones. They really do grate. But I've hidden the posts from regular woeful types so I don't see it. Why don't you just do the same with your 'bragger' friends?

zoraqueenofzeep Sat 13-Jul-13 13:06:36

I don't know if they're showing off a great social life, more attempting to get people to think they have one which indicates they don't have anything interesting going on otherwise you'd have heard about it. I feel pained for some people 'had a lovely day in town today...' types and that's the most 'exciting' thing they've done all year. Sad.

I'm only jealous (and impressed) if I see constant pictures of someone flitting between New York, Sydney, St Barts, they have something worth bragging about.

mrsjay Sat 13-Jul-13 13:08:38

I was tagged in a meal out last week and thanked for coming as it was a nice night , was thestatus poster bragging? who knew grin

"Thanks for a lovely evening X and X, had a lovely time." - Lovely!

"Thank you SO much my bestie X and X for a brill evening in the garden where we sipped margarita and had a cheeky lil bbq, u guys were so funny had such an amazing time!!! Can't wait for next Sat when we do it all again!!! Love u guys!!!! (insert in-joke) xxxxxx" - Eyeroll.

Different strokes for different folks and all that.

LadyBeagleEyes Sat 13-Jul-13 13:10:50

It was just a nice acknowledgement to their friends.
If I'd had people round and they posted it on facebook because they'd had a lovely time I'd be well chuffed.

fanjolina Sat 13-Jul-13 13:11:46

Get a social life yourself instead of being bitter and jealous about others having one.

WandaDoff Sat 13-Jul-13 13:12:38

My niece put "having a lovely dinner & drinks, with Aunty Wanda" on FB last week when she visited.

My family all live in SE England. I live in Glasgow.
I don't see them very often.

It probably didn't occur to her that she might upset anybody, I would have thought. I'll let her know just in case she's got any green eyed monsters on her friends list. hmm

Here have some herbal brew & a biscuit & chill out a bit.

amothersplaceisinthewrong Sat 13-Jul-13 13:15:34

Ah, Facebook envy, a recognised condition of the 21st century....

fridgealwaysfull Sat 13-Jul-13 13:16:46

Mintyy and've hit the nail on the head! Of course it's showing off. If you want to thank someone for a great evening you do it in person, or by private message. Tagging others and publicly saying thanks is for others to see. It is showing off.

NewAtThisMalarky Sat 13-Jul-13 13:16:57

Its not bragging. Don't be daft! They had a nice time and wanted to say thank you.

It sounds like you are jealous. Maybe you should invite some people round? Might stop you having the time to get annoyed at what other people are doing.

MrsDoomsPatterson Sat 13-Jul-13 13:19:10

If you do this sort of thing, you like it, if you would never dream of doing anything so naff, then you won't. And never the twain shall meet.

MrsDoomsPatterson Sat 13-Jul-13 13:20:16

And if you do it, then you probably need to get out more.

pointythings Sat 13-Jul-13 13:20:19

Wow, green-eyed monster alert! I don't see it as bragging at all, just letting your friends know that you appreciate them. Honestly, some people just need to get a life instead of spending all their time looking at the lives of others.

That's how you perceive it...but as plenty more on this thread have said, it's usually done with the intention of a 'bigger thank you' or because you have people on your FB that you don't see often (usually family). I post an awful lot of stuff that we've done with DS because my grandparents live ages away and my DG is quite upset about how much she's missing out on. If someone felt that was bragging then it's be their problem, because it's not done with that intention.

Also, what was with the bizarre John Lewis reference hmm

stooshe Sat 13-Jul-13 13:22:43

It is bragging. I've done in once and am not in denial about it. That is why my Face Book friends list is VERY small. Normally, we just post "inspirational" stuff. Just press the "like" button and post some encouraging comment and laugh to yourself that she cannot see you rolling your eyes......

aldiwhore Sat 13-Jul-13 13:24:28


And miserable.

I had a great night the other week with four people, I thanked the host personally, then I posted a picture of the great night and tagged each person there thanking them for their company.

I personally think it would have been miserable to not acknowledge them at all.

I don't think Facebook is for you.

And actually, FML status updates are tedious. I LIKE reading happy updates from people who've done nice things, even if I wasn't there.

BellaVita Sat 13-Jul-13 13:25:08


aldiwhore Sat 13-Jul-13 13:25:26

Yes because inspirational stuff is so inspirational, especially when coupled with a lovely sunset. yawn

I honestly had no idea people got so sour faced about stuff like this. Never even crossed my mind when posting before. Isn't it exhausting? hmm

WorraLiberty Sat 13-Jul-13 13:26:30

How can you say you're not insecure OP? confused

It's bragging. Holiday pics etc I don't mind, but thanking someone for a meal and tagging the 4 people that were there is excessive. Yes, we know you are popluar and get invited to lovely bbqs on your decking filled with John Lewis cushions, but keep it to yourselves, no need to tell everyone. I'm not insecure, I think they are!

That right there ^^ makes you sound like insecurity personified.

If I saw something like that on FB, I'd either smile and think how nice it is, or just not think anything at all.

And what on earth do the choice of cushions have to do with anything? confused

WorraLiberty Sat 13-Jul-13 13:28:12

I saw a post on FB the other day that said....

"Your inspirational quotes have inspired me to delete you from Facebook" grin

mercury7 Sat 13-Jul-13 13:31:03

I think facebook is just naff, thats why I dont use it

AmyFarrahFowlerCooper Sat 13-Jul-13 13:49:13

Its a bit braggy but that seems to be what Facebook is for! Its the ones that say love my hubby wubby so much love you baby <tagged husbands name> followed by him commenting a split second later love you too babe that make me wonder WHY DON'T YOU JUST TALK TO EACH OTHER?!

mercury7 Sat 13-Jul-13 13:53:28

they dont talk to each other because they feel the need to advertise how 'loved up' they are
clearly the type of people who do this are people who dont see over sharing as 'common'

NewAtThisMalarky Sat 13-Jul-13 13:53:53

I really don't get what is braggy about it.

I could kind of understand it if it was the host making a big deal of it in a 'how awesome am I, putting on this fabulous meal' way.

But 'arent I great, I ate food that someone else cooked ' doesn't really sound like bragging. Unless the food was in a very expensive restaurant.

fridgealwaysfull Sat 13-Jul-13 14:08:51

The John Lewis cushions, yes, I lost it a bit there! Not only do I have to read about what a wonderful night it was and how gorgeous everyone looked, but I also have to look pictures of the decking with cushions and candles beautifully lit. Obviously not done for the benefit of the guests but for the benefit of the fb public at large. Not convinced I'm BU, I've decided IANBU, but thanks for your input smile

LadyBeagleEyes Sat 13-Jul-13 14:09:23

Exactly Malarkey, very odd.
I think the Op thinks it's bragging to go to someones for dinner and wanted to tell the hosts and other friends what a lovely night she had.
I think that's lovely and appreciative, not bragging.
It must have been the John Lewis cushions...

carlajean Sat 13-Jul-13 14:19:17

I recently defriended a local friend who posted thanking 'all her lovely friends'for coming to her party, with lots of photos, including the seating plan. i just think you don't do that if there are local 'friends' on fb that you don't invite. so yanbu IMO

SoupDragon Sat 13-Jul-13 14:34:27

If this kind of thing bothers you, I think it probably means you have too many Facebook "friends"

Pagwatch Sat 13-Jul-13 14:37:44

I don't have any cushions from John Lewis. It's very sad.

SoupDragon Sat 13-Jul-13 14:37:59

It's bragging.

Of course it isn't. hmm

"Had another lovely meal with friends because I'm SO popular" is bragging.
"Hey, unpopular minions, look how much fun I'm having!" is bragging.
"I get invited out because I'm more popular than you" is bragging

DoJo Sat 13-Jul-13 14:38:19

Genuine non-goady question OP - what sorts of status do you want to see?

Thurlow Sat 13-Jul-13 14:40:18

Love FB. Can't talk about your DCs because that's sickly. Can't talk about anything bad that's happening because that's miserable and/or oversharing. Can't talk about a nice night out you had because that's bragging... grin

Agree with DoJo - what do you want to see on FB, if you are on it?

AmyFarrahFowlerCooper Sat 13-Jul-13 14:47:34

I think the difference between statuses that annoy me are as follows:

Annoying: thank you <tagged name> had an amazing night at yours! Must do it again sometime!
Nice: Had an amazing time at <tagged name>'s. Looking forward to doing it again sometime!

Annoying: love my hubby wubby so much love you baby <tagged husbands name>
Nice: love my hubby wubby so much

Annoying: love you so much little man! I'm so lucky to have you in my life! You complete me!
Nice: love my little man so much! So lucky to have him in my life! He completes me!

Sounds petty but the ones that annoy me are the ones that are directed at a person because its something you would say directly to them rather than everyone on your Facebook. Saying it about them is something you would do to everyone. Yes, I overthink this grin

RonaldMcDonald Sat 13-Jul-13 14:55:55

Facebook is evil, everyone knows that

kukeslala Sat 13-Jul-13 15:02:03

"lovely bbqs on your decking filled with John Lewis cushions"

This snippy comment doesn't paint you in a very nice light, you come across as jealous and bitter.

maddening Sat 13-Jul-13 15:03:56

Yabu - fb is what you make of it - some like to use it to promote business, some for socialising, some to get sex, some to keep in touch with relatives, some to spread political messages, some for music etc - if you don't like the way your friends use it then hide their news feeds.

MintyChops Sat 13-Jul-13 15:04:42

As long as they don't post a photo of the food followed by "nom nom nom" I won't need to punch them....

Pagwatch Sat 13-Jul-13 15:15:40

My fb rules are -
No pictures of food unless it is shaped into a humorous thing. Penis shaped courgettes are fine. Pictures of supper - no.
No conversations between people who are probably siting on the same sofa. Wtf is that about.
No mawkish 'like if you hate kittens being stamped on' shite

I'll think of more. I will.
<aware no one cares>

garlicsmutty Sat 13-Jul-13 15:18:01

Oh, FFS!!! YAB tremendously U.

Imagine this scene. You are in the pub garden, with a bunch of your friends and DC.
Friend 1: "Those cushions on your deck are lovely, where did you get them?"
Friend 2: "John Lewis. I was lucky, they were in the sale."
You: "Oh, have you been to F2's house then?"
Friend 1: "Yeah, they had a barbecue. Great grilled fish, by the way, F2!"
You: "You horrible, stinky, consumerist show-offs! Don't talk about a lunch I didn't attend! You think you're so superior! angry"
Friends: "confused shock confused hmm"

BackforGood Sat 13-Jul-13 15:40:02

YABU, and I'm not sure if you are just a bitter person or if you are a very insecure person, but why would it in any way bother you to see someone (who is presumably your friend if you have them on FB) enjoying themselves ? confused

aldiwhore Sat 13-Jul-13 16:05:56

I am destined to go to hell, I just took some photos of us in our paddling pool purely to post on FB. I also tidied up first, took down the washing, and put the cushions back on the garden chairs.

I am doomed and braggy and selfish.

I also live 300 miles from my family, 280 miles in the other direction from my sister, my husband is away, and my friends, the ones that actually would chuckle at photos of my lilo and floating babyseat that is now a PIMMS holder really really would not be offended.

Some local friends posted a picture of their BBQ last night, I wasn't invited, why should I ben invited to everything? They weren't bragging, and my comment wasn't "You fuckin cah with your fucking cushions, you're a bragging bitch why wasn't I invited?" It was simply "Looks like a good night, sore heads"? I even used a SMILEY!!!

I am positively doomed.

icklemssunshine1 Sat 13-Jul-13 16:08:07

Said this more than once but I'll say it again. Obviously these people aren't really true friends if they're annoying you. How many "friends" do you have? 300? I only have friends who I like and therefore enjoy reading and sharing in their experiences.

If it bothers you unfriend/hide people or just get off FB!

pussycatwillum Sat 13-Jul-13 16:10:06

Oh dear I sometimes post things like 'Lovely lunch today at the Cock and Ferret with Jocelyn and Frances' blush I just do it because I want them to know I enjoyed seeing them. Won't do it again then.

headinhands Sat 13-Jul-13 16:13:48

I read an article about this sort of thing a while ago. A study looked at how people felt after using FB and the researchers were surprised by how many people experienced a sort of mini depression after looking at their news feed.

WorraLiberty Sat 13-Jul-13 16:18:22

Oh thanks for clearing that up OP

You have to read it. I didn't realise it was enforceable under the law.

Thinking of you at this distressing time thanks

AmyFarrahFowlerCooper Sat 13-Jul-13 16:21:41

That's interesting head, I certainly get depressed after reading my newsfeed! Fuck it, I'm taking another Facebook break. Might do me some good.

aldiwhore Sat 13-Jul-13 16:26:37

I mostly belly laugh after reading my newsfeed, obviously I am bragging now, I'm rather smug when it comes to my friend choosing hiding skills.

HildaOgden Sat 13-Jul-13 16:28:57

I can't for the life of me imagine why they didn't invite you.You sound so lovely.

alreadytaken Sat 13-Jul-13 16:32:22

Facebook is often used for showing off, there are a lot of childish people using it. There are others who just like to share pictures with family and friends. If it bothers you enough to post about it on mumsnet and you feel like you have no life then invite people to dinner and post the pictures on Facebook grin

80sMum Sat 13-Jul-13 16:33:34

Let's be honest here. Before Facebook existed, if you went for a meal with friends, you would thank them when you left and if it was a particularly special occasion you might follow that up with a thank you card or letter. You might possibly mention your lovely evening to a few close friends in general conversation. What you would NOT do is pin a photo up on the office notice board about it, for all your acquaintances to see. That's what Facebook does. It enables people to show off to everyone, behind the veil (very thin veil imo) of thanking someone for a nice time.
Posting that sort of stuff publicly on Facebook is not thanking the hosts, as that's already been done, it's saying to everyone else "I did something nice. What did you do?"


fridgealwaysfull Sat 13-Jul-13 16:38:09're so right! Very well articulated, thank you smile Still think IANBU

ilovesooty Sat 13-Jul-13 16:38:18

You certainly sound bitter and insecure to me.

ChocsAwayInMyGob Sat 13-Jul-13 16:38:25

OP I think you're missing the point. FB is a jolly way of telling 3 or 4 people you had a nice time with them.

I often find that PMs on Facebook lead to long conversations which I don't know how to end! A nice message is fine.

Facebook is about going on in YOUR life, therefore you can say what you like about what you've been getting up to.

If I think friends are braggy, I just hide their post and look at something else. I don't think thanking people for a lovely time is braggy.

80sMum-You are referring to a time before FB was invented and times have changed. Nobody would ever pin a photo of a nice dinner they had on an office wall. The two things just don't compare.

exoticfruits Sat 13-Jul-13 16:41:47

People have such trouble with FB - I really don't know why they go on! I started a thread about what was allowed- it is very short!

BackforGood Sat 13-Jul-13 16:45:45

Thing is 80sMum - once I had got my photos developed, I would show my friends photos of a party I went to, or a holiday, or whatever else nice was happening in my life at that time. Equally, I would look at other people's - it's nice to see where people have been , or what they were wearing, or how their niece was growing up now, or whatever you are interested in. My FB page is that equivalent, just a lot quicker and easier, and cheaper (well, free).
I didn't get upset at my friends photos before FB, and I don't get upset at them now, with FB.
Maybe the difference is, I only have people on my FB page that I would genuinely consider to be my friends, I don't add everyone I happen to know.

garlicsmutty Sat 13-Jul-13 16:47:10

Posting that sort of stuff publicly on Facebook

Most people post that sort of stuff to 'Friends', not 'Public'. OK, so if you have 874 friends, a lot of people might see it who aren't interested - however, most of them won't. Facebook will prioritise it to friends with whom you interact often ... Pretty much the equivalent of yakking down the pub.

Looks like OP should hide anyone who has a nice time grin
YY, exotic!

80sMum Sat 13-Jul-13 16:47:42

Chocs I agree about long PMs that are difficult to end. I have switched off FB chat for that reason!

SoupDragon Sat 13-Jul-13 16:49:17

Still think IANBU

Doesn't make you right though.

Requiem Sat 13-Jul-13 16:49:32

YABU. Clearly. Don't we all like to tell our friends when we've had fun? Or do you prefer just to hear doom and gloom? This thread says more about you than your friend.

ilovesooty Sat 13-Jul-13 16:52:56

I don't think the OP ever had any intention of considering any alternative points of view.

burberryqueen Sat 13-Jul-13 16:53:35

get rid of FB , it is best thing i ever did.

Samu2 Sat 13-Jul-13 16:55:49

FB is about updating people about your life, the every day coming and goings and trivial shit.

If I had a good time at a friends I would mention it on FB. Why? because one of the things FB is for is talking about what you have been doing. I only have friends on there that I am actually interested about.

People really need to stop moaning about FB or get the fuck off it.

Tommy Sat 13-Jul-13 16:56:54

the point is whether your FB friends are you real friends or just people you have added on FB.
Like some of the other posters have said, if I have done something nice I might out up a public thank you - mostly because I have a large circle of friends of FB and other people like to know what we've been up to and are pleased to see that people are having fun together. That's what friends do.
If someone comments along the lines of "why wasn't I invited?" (not in a jokey way) then it says more about the person writing that comment than anything else.
You can hide or unfriend!!

HeyIJustMetYou Sat 13-Jul-13 16:57:37

YANBU. How dare anyone thank someone for a meal. What utter bastards.

pleiadianpony Sat 13-Jul-13 16:58:47

It's a bit naff i think, but that's just me. I quite like to have a nose at what people are up to though so they are welcome to keep posting!. When friends of ours post about what they have been doing with us, I get a bit uncomfortable. I don't know why, I just feel like a load of work colleagues relatives, old school friends etc don't really need to know where i went for dinner on Saturday etc.............. It's nice for wishing people happy birthday, sharing big news, keeping in touch with a lot of people it would otherwise be hard to keep up with and the odd photo. Each to their own!

cardibach Sat 13-Jul-13 17:01:04

So, OP, 6 thousand people (slight exaggeration smile ) post that YABU. One pops up and says YANBU, so that must mean you are right and N at all U? Odd reasoning...
ALso, I'm confused about this picture with the John Lewis cushions in it. You said the status was by one of the guests, then said the cushions and candles were there, not for the guests but for the fb public. How dies that work? DId the guest arrange the stuff, bring the cushions and light the candles? 'Cos as far as I can see from your posts the host has not posted to fb. confused
THe problem is, as usual with fb, having people who are not your actual friends on there. I love seeing my friends have a nice time! ANd yes, as BackForGood says, we did show off (in a non braggy way) our photos before fb. We did it by boring people with a full film roll...Now you can choose to look or not. Up to you.

mercury7 Sat 13-Jul-13 17:18:19

80sMum, you have totally nailed it with your office notice board analogygrin

I don't mind seeing things like this, thank youd, compliments and lovely positive stories about ones DC and life in general.

What bugs me is the constant 'woe is me' 'what's the point in living' type status' or the cryptic ones that are begging for a 'what's up hun?' type response.

Those get hidden after a while, I do respond the first few times but when it becomes a pattern I have to hide them.

You'd? Yous I meant.

mercury7 Sat 13-Jul-13 17:59:46

facebook is kind of like a shop window..I guess once you set up shop it's hard not to want your shop window to look as interesting as other peoples?

manicinsomniac Sat 13-Jul-13 18:08:48

This is so weird, why on earth would it be bragging? Going round to someone's house for a meal isn't bragworthy, it's completely normal and almost everyone does it.

If it was 'had such a fabulous time tonight borrowing my BFF4eva's private jet and going for champagne cocktails in Rome, can't wait to go to Montecarlo tomorrow night' then you might have a point. But a bbq in a friend's garden??? No, YABU!

kim147 Sat 13-Jul-13 18:20:57

Only read a bit of thread but it's interesting how FB has changed the way we communicate.

In "the old days", if you went to a nice party or went out with friends, you might talk about it or mention it but you would also be aware that people weren't there / invited so you might be a bit more tactful about feelings.

Now it's all too easy to post stuff - which is good but also makes people very aware they've been excluded.

It is really hard seeing friends post such good and exciting stuff when your life is shit. Just drums it in that life is happening and you're not a part of it.

ilovesooty Sat 13-Jul-13 18:33:07

I doubt if anyone thanks people for a meal just to make themselves seem more interesting. And the office board analogy simply isn't relevant as we're a long way from the 80s. The world is different now. The OP could hide the posts that wind her up so much or get off FB as others have suggested.

fridgealwaysfull Sat 13-Jul-13 18:44:42

kim, you're right. I hadn't thought about it like that, but yes, it is easy to feel left out when things are going on that you weren't aware of. It's a case of having your nose rubbed in a bit. I won't leave fb but I will certainly remove some people from my newsfeed, for my own sanity I suppose

Thymeout Sat 13-Jul-13 21:22:11

The office board analogy IS relevant because it shows how manners are changing - and not for the better.

When interaction was face to face, people were aware of who they were talklng to. So you'd be careful not to make people feel bad by going on about an event to which they hadn't been invited. And there's the whole school report business. You didn't say how wonderful your child's report was to other people at the school gate who might not have had such a happy experience.

People forget who is on their friends' list. They don't consider what effect what they are posting might have. And they don't see how others react to what they've posted so they don't moderate their behaviour.

So in general it's all a bit more thoughtless and inconsiderate. And it's no answer to say 'Well, don't read it' because you've just thrust it into their face.

DonDrapersAltrEgoBigglesDraper Sat 13-Jul-13 21:33:45 just to show how popular they are and make others feel like we have no life.

I eel a bit sad for you, OP - if that is what's going on, then they just don't sound like very nice people. The medium for getting their not-very-niceness across (i.e. Facebook) is irrelevant.

It's never even occurred to me to be annoyed by such FB statuses, but I can see that if you are often left out it wouldn't be very nice.

This is about your 'friends' though; not about Facebook.

KansasCityOctopus Sat 13-Jul-13 21:38:27

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

DonDrapersAltrEgoBigglesDraper Sat 13-Jul-13 21:49:40

I know.

Facebook is what it is. We all, surely, know that now.

You have no control over what other people post.

Either hide everyone, get off FB altogether, or make your peace with it, and don't allow yourself to get wound up/upset/pissed off/whatever.

Rufus20 Sat 13-Jul-13 21:51:36

I think 80smum nailed it too. It has changed and how we interact. We used to laugh at the Christmas round robin letters, now we get them everyday and find it normal

Alisvolatpropiis Sat 13-Jul-13 21:55:41


People get way too upset about Facebook. The whole point is to share what you're doing it's a social network site.

dirtyface Sat 13-Jul-13 21:59:19

oh i do love a good fb thread

<marks place>

kerala Sat 13-Jul-13 22:04:07

Yanbu have never been on Facebook and never will. Seems weird to me to be publishing your life to all and sundry. Of course it's bragging. Accept I have been born into the wrong century (adjusts corset)

BegoniaBampot Sat 13-Jul-13 22:04:16

It depends. Know what the OP means. Many friends update with what they have done or what and whom they doing it with, mostly all fine. but there is a line where it crosses over into pain in the arse luvvy bragging territory. Have one friend who does this, everything is gorg friends and Hun and it has made me see her in a different light. Damn annoying and cringe worthy.

manicinsomniac Sat 13-Jul-13 23:20:06

kerala why on earth is it bragging? It's not something bragworthy! It's dinner at someone's house, something everyone does with their friends all the time. It's not an earth shattering, exciting event that could make people jealous.

DonDrapersAltrEgoBigglesDraper Sat 13-Jul-13 23:51:08

Well, I suppose it could make someone jealous if they never get invited, manic, which I think is sort of the issue here!

But that's the thing - to the people posting these updates, they're just having dinner with their friends. No big deal. They can't realistically be expected to read the minds of everyone who'll get their news feed and edit their updates, in case someone, somewhere might be made to feel inadequate.

If you (generic) feel inadequate, then you (generic) get off Facebook.

As I said, we all know how Facebook rolls, it's been around long enough now.

ilovesooty Sun 14-Jul-13 02:21:46

People forget who is on their friends' list

That rather depends on how selective you are about who you add.

exoticfruits Sun 14-Jul-13 06:29:12

Just have a short list of proper friends and it won't be a problem.

ChocsAwayInMyGob Sun 14-Jul-13 08:20:51

Seems weird to me to be publishing your life to all and sundry

But you choose your FB friends and your privacy settings. You could have a Facebook account that''s only seen by you or your best friend if you like. It would be a sort of diary.

Or you could be like all the teenagers I know who have about 600 friends they've never even met! Now that's weird!

stargirl1701 Sun 14-Jul-13 08:26:02

Jealousy is not something to proud of.

You should be more ashamed of this thread than your friend's posting on Facebook. Your friend had a lovely, sociable evening and posted that on a SOCIAL network.

Get a grip.

WinkyWinkola Sun 14-Jul-13 08:28:05

I love seeing people's delicious meals on FB. But then I am food obsessed.

I have a friend who posts pix of every single social event she goes to but then she does have a totally glittering social life and I feel like her granny seeing them all. But good for her.

OnIlkelyMoorBahtat Mon 15-Jul-13 12:02:23

God, all these people who seem to hate their friends a) enjoying dinner parties; b) going on nice holidays; c) having children; d) having other friends; e) socialising... You obviously don't like these people, so why are you "friends" with them? I don't mean on FB - I mean in real life? FB is a means of communication between people, it really amazes me when people bang on about "Facebook is evil": it's like blaming the invention of the telephone for nuisance calls.
If you don't like the people you know, aren't interested in their lives and can't find it in yourself to be happy for them when they have a good time, do them a favour and get out of their lives.

OnIlkelyMoorBahtat Mon 15-Jul-13 12:03:13

breathes grin

OnIlkelyMoorBahtat Mon 15-Jul-13 12:05:42

Actually, I suppose we can blame the invention of the phone for nuisance calls - I guess I meant to say: it's like saying telephones are evil, because they make nuisance calls possible.

Ach, it's too hot....

LadyBryan Mon 15-Jul-13 12:15:53

Just to clarify we are no longer allowed to post on FB: -

Thanks for social invitations
Pictures of holidays abroad
Pride in our children

Lottapianos Mon 15-Jul-13 12:17:57

Slightly different perspective on this..... I sometimes feel like this hmm when I see photos of someone's new baby on FB, or read a pregnancy announcement. When I feel this way, it's because I'm having a jealous day and part of me is extremely envious of the new mum/dad. This is 100% my problem and needless to say, I keep my green-eyed monster feelings to myself. Should people not talk about their babies on FB because it might upset me? Of course not!

I often post something similar to what was quoted in the OP. Maybe it is a bit braggy but all I'm thinking of is the friends I have just had a lovely time with. I am certainly not interested in putting anyone else's nose out of joint or trying to make other people feel bad.

So what I'm trying to say OP, in a nice way, is that you do sound a wee bit jealous. You can't help how you feel so acknowledge it but own it is your issue, not other people's.

MonParapluie Mon 15-Jul-13 12:31:28

I love seeing holiday pics on FB, please don't stop posting them! Love seeing where people have been and think about where I would go!

libertine73 Mon 15-Jul-13 12:35:10

You can buy FB friends!? am I the only one who didn't know this?? WTAF?!!!

SarahAndFuck Mon 15-Jul-13 12:38:56

I don't mind the boasting or the photo's of cushions and decking.

I quite like to be nosy at other people's stuff.

znaika Mon 15-Jul-13 12:42:44

I virtually never post and don't let tagged pix of me go on my timeline too often, my friends arent tagging kind of people anyway. Does this mean people think I never go out? confused

ColdTeaAgain Mon 15-Jul-13 12:43:07

Yes there is a lot of bragging that goes on fb but I don't think saying thank you counts as showing off! My friends often text me after a meal or whatever even though they've already thanked me when they left so I suppose some people use fb rather than a text now. And tagging the people involved just makes sure that they see the message.

If I got a thank you on fb I'd find it a nice gesture. Perhaps you should leave fb if it irritates you this easily!

KellyElly Mon 15-Jul-13 14:02:52

The only reason people post thank yous and tag the names of those present is just to show how popular they are and make others feel like we have no life. Winds me up. Yes is you're about 14 hmm

KellyElly Mon 15-Jul-13 14:03:10


MrsMelons Mon 15-Jul-13 14:41:02

Sorry this sounds like jealousy/insecurity on your part.

My friends live in an amazing 6 bed house with an outdoor pool the size of a hotel one (nearly), they also have a pool table and games room etc.

We are invited sometimes but if we are not I would never think oh look at them with their fancy pool and expensive house if they post photos, they are my friends and as much as I would like what they have got I am happy and secure with my lot!

happyyonisleepyyoni Mon 15-Jul-13 15:05:37

OP just defriend them as you obviously dislike them, so why would you want them as "friends".

stillfeel18inside Mon 15-Jul-13 18:06:49

YANBU in my book but I'm the norm because I can't stand Facebook - really don't get the point of it at all unless you happen to have family/loads of friends overseas. I'm really not insecure, I do lots of lovely things, have nice-looking kids and take great holidays but it wouldn't enter my head to put any of it on a public forum - what for? I honestly don't get it - and when I have looked at FB it does come over as showing off (but realise it's just me!)

stillfeel18inside Mon 15-Jul-13 18:07:08

I'm not the norm I mean!

FariesDoExist Mon 15-Jul-13 22:58:34


80s mum has it bang on!

FunnysInLaJardin Mon 15-Jul-13 23:00:54

oh dear, I do this to actually say thank you on the odd occasion we go out. I could PM them if it offends!

LessMissAbs Mon 15-Jul-13 23:04:41

I think this type of post is done publicly because it involves a social activity. ie other people. If you think this is some form of boasting, perhaps you need to develop more of a social life yourself instead of sitting on the fringes, criticising.

Wbdn28 Tue 16-Jul-13 00:55:02

YANBU. Agree with 80s mum! You've thanked them face to face, so why the need to ensure you also thank them in front of an audience?

Rufus20 Tue 16-Jul-13 01:08:17

We did all used to laugh at Christmas round robins, didn't we?

I occasionally post a thank you on fb, mostly to prove that I do actually get out of the house once in a blue moon, and I am not actually a sad little loner without any sort of social life. Which I am really, as the social events I post about happen about twice a year, if that! grin

Mintyy Tue 16-Jul-13 12:13:06

I went to a lovely barbecue on Sunday. There were about 20 of us there, some on facebook, some not.

Dh and I sent a thank you card in the post! Can you believe it?

<old gimmers>

If we'd said "thank you" on facebook it would have been meaningless to 95% of my friends.

See, obvs I know how to use fb properly and the rest of you don't grin.

Wbdn28 Tue 16-Jul-13 12:56:58

> We did all used to laugh at Christmas round robins, didn't we?

Some still do grin They're nothing but a boast-fest, usually!

differentnameforthis Tue 16-Jul-13 13:01:35

It is not up to your friends to censor their page because you don't like their posts.

Hide or de-friend.

Rufus20 Tue 16-Jul-13 14:38:10

My point about round robins is that social mores have changed. If twenty years ago, you'd sent a letter to all you friends and relatives to say "and then we went for a lovely meal with Bob and Janet (thanks Bob and Janet)" we almost certainly would have found it odd.

cheerfulweather Tue 16-Jul-13 14:40:22

I love that, it is almost like an endless, constant round robin, Facebook is.

Fillyjonk75 Tue 16-Jul-13 14:54:19

I sometimes do a status update tagging several people who were there if it was a big group - saves sending 15 text messages saying "Was great to catch up". I sent one the other night to have a laugh at myself for dropping my phone (smashing the glass) on the way home and to share some pictures of the night. It got lots of likes though, granted there is no "I am highly irritated by this status update" button either.

But then I also don't get out much, so I feel like advertising when I do. I am out. On a Saturday night. With no kids. Woo hoo!

Bonsoir Tue 16-Jul-13 14:56:14

The whole point of Facebook is to show off.

Fillyjonk75 Tue 16-Jul-13 15:04:52

I don't think it's showing off necessarily, (though it can be) it's more like "my news". Broadcasting yourself. Discovering your inner journalist. Much more akin to a round robin (though a steady stream of updates, not a summary of the year) or the bit on PM where they read out people's personal news. I find mundane 'news' about individuals I know in general often more interesting than the local or national broadcast news.

I also think the purpose of Facebook is indulging noseyness. I find it fascinating what you can find out on there.

whois Tue 16-Jul-13 15:12:48

In the words of TOWIE, OP, you are well jel.

To be annoyed by this is not cool, basically marks you out as bitter and sad. Be happy your friends are having fun surely?

Bonsoir Tue 16-Jul-13 15:21:48

Why broadcast your life though?

WinkyWinkola Tue 16-Jul-13 16:03:27

I'm glad people broadcast their lives. I'm a nosey cahh and love to have a shufty.

ChocsAwayInMyGob Tue 16-Jul-13 16:05:53

Bonsoir- if Mark Zuckerberg had thought like you, he wouldn't be worth 25 billion.

People WANT to broadcast their lives!

I find it especially nice to keep in touch with my cousins who live overseas. We can see each other's holiday pics and watch our kids getting older. Before Facebook, it would be years between seeing photos or hearing from them apart from Xmas.

Facebook is a page about your own life, therefore you can put what you like about yourself and your life. Other people shouldn't think that they can control what others should or shouldn't write. The Hide button is for things you don't like.

*Disclaimer, obviously anything racist, or bigoted or harmful is excluded from this.

Bonsoir Tue 16-Jul-13 17:17:01

I'm not impressed. I think Facebook is the spawn of the devil.

Fillyjonk75 Tue 16-Jul-13 17:39:50

I get highly pissed off with it st times, changing the default privacy settings and so on. I prefer Twitter, but also use fb in a similar way to twitter and have had some great discussions on current affairs. Also there is a great local parents group. So it certainly isn't all people showing off. Also I've got some work through it and promote the WI and PTFA through it, so it's very useful.

equinox Tue 16-Jul-13 17:44:16

I've got sick of facebook and came off it last weekend!

roundtable Tue 16-Jul-13 17:46:58

I always thought the public thank yous on fb were given by people who don't go out that much so they're acknowledging something different from the norm?

Mintyy Tue 16-Jul-13 17:53:54

Zactly roundtable.

x2boys Tue 16-Jul-13 18:21:39

I had a very good friend who I lost touch with for several years found her again on FB she is always going on about her marvellous life and thanking people for there fantastic seven course dinners talking about her wonderful house/husband /child I just find her an annoying twat tbh

exoticfruits Tue 16-Jul-13 18:28:01

You can come off- you can de friend!
I started a thread on what people liked on FB- it was very short. Nothing was the answer- or nothing that everyone agreed with!

pussycatwillum Tue 16-Jul-13 20:08:59

I always thought the public thank yous on fb were given by people who don't go out that much so they're acknowledging something different from the norm
Yep, that's me grin

wordfactory Tue 16-Jul-13 22:49:44

The main reason I don't do FB is that the odd times I've looked at freinds' pages, they are so obviously a santistised/photoshopped version of themselves and their lives, that I don't feel I'm learning anyhting about them.

I find MN far more interesting in that posters do let you in to their little worlds. The domestic minutae of their days and inner thoughts is far more valuable than an ersatz version!

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