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It's half my money too!

(95 Posts)
grumpyinthemorning Fri 12-Jul-13 16:14:55

I'm planning on getting my second tattoo this week - finally in a position where I can afford these kinds of luxuries. I'll be paying for it out of the savings DP and I have put away over the last year. I told him this, he says he won't stop me but...

Apparently I shouldn't be touching those savings because they're the start of a mortgage deposit. This is the first I've heard of it! And he goes on about his bloody five year plan and how he doesn't want to be living in a council house forever. I'm taking £100 out of £600, it's money we don't see, we'll hardly be worse off. Then he had the front to say I shouldn't spend money on frivolities!

Now, here's where I got really arsey. See, he works, I don't, because childcare for DS would cost more than I can currently earn. I am studying for my degree, so I'm doing something! And I'm receiving child benefit and tax credits, which get spent on essentials such as, y'know, food, so it's not like I don't contribute. It's rare that I actually have any money in my account at the end of the week, so I go without luxuries a lot of the time, while he thinks nothing of stopping in at the pub after work.

So AIBU to get my tattoo done anyway, since it's something I'll always have and will enjoy, even though he's complaining about the cost?

YouTheCat Fri 12-Jul-13 16:18:22

Tell him you'll not get the tattoo if he stops spending in the pub?

Or have an agreed amount each a month for yourselves and save up. I wouldn't touch the savings for a tattoo though.

soverylucky Fri 12-Jul-13 16:20:11

if you are saving for a deposit and only have £600 I would think that money is quite tight and therefore spending £100 on a tattoo seems silly.
But I hate tattoos so am probably biased.

Trills Fri 12-Jul-13 16:20:33

You should both agree how much of your (joint) money is to be saved and how much you get to spend, and the spending money should be divided equally so that you can choose to do as you please with it.

Or take half the savings and LTB, of course.

primallass Spain Fri 12-Jul-13 16:20:48

I wouldn't touch the savings for a tattoo. Not 1/6 of it anyway.

HatieKopkins Fri 12-Jul-13 16:23:08

That's a rather large proportion of your savings, tbh. Whilst I understand your logic, and mostly agree with it, I wouldn't take that much, personally.

CajaDeLaMemoria Fri 12-Jul-13 16:23:40

I wouldn't do it.

£100 out of £600 is 1/6. It's a big chunk of the deposit. Plus, if it's savings for a deposit, it shouldn't be touched for anything else.

Your spending money is a different matter. You shouldn't spend all your income on food and essentials while he gets free money to go to the pub. Draw up a budget and divide the remaining money so that the savings account, you and him both get the same amount to do what you like with.

Then save that spare cash until you've got enough for your tattoo.

hermioneweasley Fri 12-Jul-13 16:27:06

Exactly what Caja said

The important thing is that if you live as a household then you should try to arrange things so that you have roughly the same amount of money to spend on "frivolities" each month. The fact that he is the one going out to work does not mean that it should be seen as 'his' money, when you are not able to go out to work because you are looking after your child.

Once you agree on that, and on how much goes into saving for a deposit, you can decide if you want a tattoo at that price or not.

Then you have joint savings for the deposit, and separate 'spending money' that you can use or save for your fun things.

grumpyinthemorning Fri 12-Jul-13 16:29:54

soverylucky, it would be more, but we've dipped into it for emergencies (washing machine packed up and had to be fixed, as did the fridge).

I'll admit that I'm a tad bitter because of his pub trips (I know it's only a couple of pints, but that's 3+ times a week), plus cabs to work when he wants to sleep in(£15 a pop, at least once a week), plus his debt that we're paying off - none of which have anything to do with me. I've been on at him for ages to be more careful with money, but now I want to splurge on a treat for once...

MalcolmTuckersMum Fri 12-Jul-13 16:31:14

If you had 6k in the bank and wanted £100 for a tattoo then YWNBU. However, you don't. You've got a paltry £600 of which you want 1/6 to colour yourself in a bit. If it's a competition with DP to see who can waste the most money on fripperies I expect this would put you in the lead. Either you're saving or you're not - have you actually agreed to save for a deposit?

Alibabaandthe40nappies Fri 12-Jul-13 16:33:51

YABU to have a tattoo.

YANBU to think that it is half your money.

But, if you only have £600 in savings then you actually aren't in a position to afford luxuries. And luxuries, especially if only one person is going to 'benefit' from it, should be paid for out of general spending money and not out of savings.

How are your finances arranged, do you have your own spending money that you could save up to have this done instead?

SoupDragon Fri 12-Jul-13 16:34:38

I'll start by admitting I hate tattoos but I don’t think blowing 1/6 of your savings on anything frivolous is a good idea.

I don't think I'm letting my dislike of tattoos affect my thoughts.

SoupDragon Fri 12-Jul-13 16:35:43

I do agree that it is your money too though. Your contribution is the cost of childcare.

flipchart Fri 12-Jul-13 16:36:39

If that is your only savings I think you are bonkers to spend it on a tat to be honest.

I don't think you are being unreasonable. Point out to him that the savings would be higher if he wasn't spunking £30 + per week up the wall with his stopping at the pub and taxis. The taxi so he can have a bit of a lie in would really piss me off to be honest.

Now, I love tattoos and thoroughly support you getting one if you want..

BUT: I would never dip into family savings, especially house deposit money, to pay for one.

What I would suggest instead is that you agree on a set amount of "pocket money" that you both get each week - he can use his down the pub and for taxis and you can save yours up for a tattoo.

chanie44 Fri 12-Jul-13 16:42:48

I don't think you should dip into the savings to get a tattoo.

However, you should have the same amount of spending money as your partner. If he spends his money in the pub or on cabs, that's his prerogative and if you want a tattoo, that's yours.

LittleprincessinGOLDrocks England Fri 12-Jul-13 16:43:24

£100 is a lot of money to take out of your savings for a tattoo. I would be inclined in your position to save a small amount each month (like £5 - £10) if you can from your benefits. You can save money by changing your shopping habits - have a look on Money saving expert for tips and savings to all your bills etc. Then come next year you can buy that tattoo without it affecting your savings.
I think your DH could also benefit from cutting down on the socialising if he is serious about his 5 year plan.

Crinkle77 Fri 12-Jul-13 16:43:27

Have you never actually discussed what you have been saving for? Just wondered why it came as such a surprise that he wanted to save for a deposit on a house. I agree with some other posters that to spend £100 on a tattoo when you only have £600 saved is daft. Can you not ask for money for your birthday or xmas and get it done then?

Crinkle77 Fri 12-Jul-13 16:44:01

Not ask for money cos that makes you sound like a child but you know what I mean

grumpyinthemorning Fri 12-Jul-13 16:45:39

I don't benefit from his drinking or his cabs to/from work, and that can easily be £100 a month, Alibaba, where this is a one-off expense with a permanent result. Different in my mind, if nobody else's.

Malcom, we didn't actually agree, it was supposed to be for our honeymoon, which we're now postponing because of issues with family. So now the situation has changed I feel like I can treat myself a little IYSWIM.

Our finances are kind of a mess really. I do the shopping because it makes sense, I have the time and I'm generally better at meal planning etc. But then to avoid dipping into the savings I have to ask him for money for fun stuff, which I hate doing, plus I don't often feel the need for nights out or stuff like that. I'm generally very frugal, it's how I was raised.

grumpyinthemorning Fri 12-Jul-13 16:47:45

As a point, I already shop as cheaply as I can, considering that I have a very picky DS!

BeCool Netherlands Fri 12-Jul-13 16:49:10

to take 1/6th of your joint savings for a tattoo I think is excessive and YABU. Yes it is half your money - but don't you want to save?

If you really want another tattoo I would find a way to save separately for it. Find a way to put £5 or whatever aside every week (the equivalent of a pint or 2 perhaps?) and when you have enough then get the tattoo.

I'm not fantastic with money, but I do know that to save you must stick to the plan and not make withdrawals. Only take money out for planned purchases or emergencies.

A tattoo is neither. You'll get it - but find another way to pay for it.

brilliantwhite Fri 12-Jul-13 16:51:36

bet hes spent more than a 100 in the pub and doesnt justify it , get the tattoo , you dont have to justify a treat for your self either , like you say its permanent not pissed down the bog .

YouTheCat Fri 12-Jul-13 16:55:59

Sounds like his erratic spending is the problem really.

You should have the same amount of disposable income as him and you shouldn't have to ask for it.

GrendelsMum Fri 12-Jul-13 16:59:17

Yep, I agree with everyone else. You and your DH need to organise your weekly budget for household items, your weekly spending money, and your weekly saving money, and they you'll be able to pay for your tattoo without it coming out of the savings.

I do sympathise, but you've got so little money put by for emergencies that I wouldn't risk spending 1/6th of it on something that you can easily buy a little later.

Sit him down and sort out the finances. Then you won't feel as pissed off at him wasting money but disapproving of you doing the same.

The tattoo is a red herring grin

Why do you have to ask him for money to spend anyway? You two really need to sort out your finances together. Look at this as a good opportunity to get things settled.

There should be a family pot that you both have equal and unrestricted access to for buying food, paying bills, kids' clothes and all other household expenses. Budget how much this should be and stick to it.

Then you should have a fixed amount going into savings.

Then, with whatever is left over, you should have a small budget each (equal) to spend as you see fit on the pub, taxis, fun things and tattoos.

You don't earn money at the moment, but you save the family a fortune in childcare and cleaner bills, so you have absolutely as much right to every penny as he does. No SAHP should ever be in a position where their access to family finances is restricted by the working partner unless there are serious reasons like gambling addiction or chronic overspending. You are a partnership, the money he earns is not his to maintain absolute control over.

DeepRedBetty Fri 12-Jul-13 17:18:43

Not often you see such uniformity in responses to an AIBU!

OP The Hive Has Spoken...

Pennyacrossthehall Fri 12-Jul-13 17:20:32

AMumInScotland The tattoo is a red herring

I was scrolling down this thread to find out what the tattoo was going to be, but this has exceeded my wildest expectations!

grin grin grin grin grin

JohnRebus Fri 12-Jul-13 17:50:59

Hi all. I'm new here but felt I needed to reply!

It is shared money, you have child benefit, etc and as you look after the children (which is not paid work, but oh so worthy), no childcare fees (expensive outlay) are needed - your paypackets would take a real basing were that not the case. As far as it should go, you are both equal partners and he doesn't ask for your approval when he goes for a (or several) pint/s more than once a week or a taxi to get to work (I struggle with the latter as to why, but hey). His pints, etc for a month (I'm guessing) total the amout you will pay out for your tattoo. If he's not happy that you are delving into the savings, suggest that he could top up the savings by abstaining from these (non-essential) pleasures for a month so that YOU can have something too.

What tattoo are you planning?

I am sorry, but with only 600 in savings, you are not really in a position to afford luxuries and blow 1/6th of the savings on adorning your body. It is madness, and a really stupid thing to do.

I also think kicking up a fuss about him having a pint after work will open up a can of worms where he can start asking if you never go out for a coffee, or have a muffin/jamdonut or anything fancy all day you spend looking after dc.

CloudsAndTrees Fri 12-Jul-13 18:01:42

YABU

If you had more savings, that were not part of a plan like a deposit for a house then I would say do what you bloody well like with it.
But....that's a good percentage of your savings all in one go.

Is your OH taking money from the savings account to go to the pub etc? Or is it money in his account IYSWIM?

I think you need to look at the finances jointly so you both have money that is "yours" so he can go to the pub, you can do what you please with yours.

But taking a chunk of money out of a savi GS account intended for a house deposit? I wouldn't do that.

HazleNutt Fri 12-Jul-13 18:09:50

YANBU to think it's your money too.

YABU to blow 1/6th of what you have managed to save over a whole year on a tattoo. If 600 is all you have in savings then I would not be spending money on frivolities just yet.

grumpyinthemorning Fri 12-Jul-13 18:10:38

QuintessentialOldDear, he can ask, I don't do those things. If we're going out I take drinks/snacks with me.

The tattoo is cherry blossom up my thigh, though I'm tempted to get a red herring instead grin

You both need a proper discussion about this. Savings IMO are for emergencies or specific big things like a deposit or holiday.
Perhaps give each of you an allowance so you can save separately for such things.
Also he needs to realise that you being a SAHM doesn't mean you're on a jolly. You're looking after his child!!!

Holly94 Fri 12-Jul-13 18:14:58

If you only have £600 saved I think YABU to take £100 of that for anything non-essential - not just a tattoo. What if something important breaks that needs replacing and you need that money?
Maybe talk toDP and ask him to curb his spending a little?

However YANBU to think it's your money too - you are a family, and all income should be family income!

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Aetae Fri 12-Jul-13 18:31:09

I think the tattoo isn't the real question. It might be a good example of the issues you're having though - you and he have different attitudes to money and you don't seem to have an equal say in how it's spent (and by that I don't mean the savings, I mean all of your family earnings).

Ideally you would have a budget for entertainment (each), a shared budget for emergency expenses (saved), a shared budget for weekly expenses etc - all adding up to the total coming in. And both agree to stick to it, or discuss it if there needs to be a change.

I think you should use this as an opportunity to have a good chat with him about how the two of you will manage money more fairly and agree some ground rules - hassling him to be more frugal isn't going to work. And yes, I think it's completely fair to get the tattoo, but at least make sure he understands why.

FrenchRuby Fri 12-Jul-13 18:51:37

I love tattoos and I regularly (once a month maybe) spend money on them, but I don't take money out of family savings, we are saving for a house too but I wouldn't take money out of that for a tattoo. I save a bit of money after all the bills are paid and then see if I have enough to book some time. Bills and savings come first.
You're right it is your money too but £100 is a lot out of your savings.

BackforGood Fri 12-Jul-13 18:59:35

I do think you are being short sighted to take £100 to deface your body spend on something that's not a necessity if you only have £600 saved between you.
However, the bigger issue is that he seems to think he can spend money on things he wants to that are not necessities (a drink in the pub) but that he doesn't think you should.
Why not each have the same amount of "pocket money" (for want of a better word) each month which is your own to treat you to whatever you want, or to save if you prefer to do that - if money is tight, then it might only be £20 a month, or, if you have a bit more, it might be £75 or something, but you each have the same and therefore can't criticise the other's choices.

BeCool Netherlands Sat 13-Jul-13 08:26:14

The taxi to work habit needs to stop. That would mightily piss me off!

As the others have said, the real issue is you don't have an equitable division of disposable income between the 2 of you. It seems he pleases himself while you have to ask for a few pounds now and then. This isn't a recipe for long term happiness.

Despite what I posted earlier I can totally understand why you want to spend some ££ on yourself. I do feel that it would be a shame to dip into savings. But I wonder how 'safe' those savings are from your P anyway? Like you, I'd be at the point of thinking 'fuck it I'm having the £100' - it really wouldn't solve anything thought (other than the cherry blossom issue).

BeCool Netherlands Sat 13-Jul-13 08:28:49

Though - not thought.

And red herring not cherry blossom.

Damn autocorrect grin

Whothefuckfarted Sat 13-Jul-13 08:33:57

More discussion needed as a couple in future about stuff like this.

i have tatts and i want another one, but i still think YABU.

A tattoo is for life, it can wait a bit longer until you're a bit more financially stable.

MidniteScribbler Sat 13-Jul-13 08:40:07

If your life savings are 600 pounds, you can afford 100 for a tattoo.

quoteunquote Sat 13-Jul-13 08:46:25

Don't get the tattoo,

Do a spread sheet of every penny that is spent each week,

It will highlight the places where money could be saved, bought lunches, taxis, pub trips,

then if all the unnecessary expenditures are cut you can predict how much will be saved,

agree to save half of this each month towards the deposit, and then split the other half equally between you,

then you can both either decided to spend it going out individually/together, or for personal treats such as taxi, tattoos,

That way the saving increase, you both get the same, and no one feels hard done by.

If he doesn't want to do this you need to question why.

BasilBabyEater Sat 13-Jul-13 08:53:03

What quoteunquote said.

It does sound like as a couple, you haven't really sat down and gone through finances and agreed how you're going to organise them.

It's really important that any division of labour/ money in a relationship is fair.

He's got most of the money and you've got most of the labour it sounds like.

That's generally not a very good recipe for contentment.

The tattoo is neither here nor there.

MidniteScribbler Sat 13-Jul-13 08:53:15

If your life savings are 600 pounds, you can't afford 100 for a tattoo.

BasilBabyEater Sat 13-Jul-13 08:54:38

Oh and tbh FGS at spending £15 a week on unnecessary cabs. He's got the weekend to sleep in, normal people don't have the luxury of doing that on a work day, or if you do, then you just have to either arrive late at work or miss breakfast or something.

That's real frittering that is. <Purses mouth in catsbum matter>

MidniteScribbler Sat 13-Jul-13 08:54:50

Weird double post.

Fairylea Sat 13-Jul-13 08:58:50

I think people are being very judgemental about the tattoo issue.. it doesn't matter that it's a tattoo, it could be anything. (For the record my dh is covered in tattoos and is currently halfway to saving for a full sleeve (arm) which is £700. He has spent over £2000 so far on tattoos which are all designed for him. They are not cheap but luckily we can afford it).

However, your finances are all wrong. You need to communicate more for a start and you both need to end up with exactly the same spending money, then you can save for your tattoo from this, which is what my dh has done.

I am a sahm, we pool all money and split what's left.

SoupDragon Sat 13-Jul-13 10:18:24

I think people are being very judgemental about the tattoo issue.. it doesn't matter that it's a tattoo, it could be anything.

I think I've separated my dislike of tattoos * from my thoughts about whether this is a good idea. I am pretty sure I'd still think it was a bad idea if the £100 was for jewellery.

I agree that the OPs finances need sorting out though - pool the money, divert £x per month to the savings and allocate £x "pocket money" per person.

* Just my personal feelings, entirely non-judgemental smile

Mia4 Sat 13-Jul-13 10:23:34

I think YANBU to be annoyed about his spending, but I think spending 1/6 of your savings is unreasonable tbh-unless it's on something essential.
He needs to stop taking cabs unnecessarily though. I think you need to sit down and write down all your expenses. What's left should go mainly towards saving then play money for both of you.

You both should get 'play money' after savings either to save for a tat or put towards unnecessary cabs or drinking or beauty/grooming stuff whatever.

MidniteScribbler Sat 13-Jul-13 10:32:09

Fairylea, it has nothing to do with the tattoo. My view would be the same if it were a new phone, jewellery, rims for a car, expensive toy for a child, any unnecessary item.

NotYoMomma Sat 13-Jul-13 10:34:10

£600 savings only and you want a tattoo? seems utterly wasteful to me

NotYoMomma Sat 13-Jul-13 10:36:44

also if you spend your half on crap and his is saved for the deposit then will themortgage be in his name or both your names?

it is ridiculous.

later down the line of you need to use thesavings for anything I presume you will say it is still half yours?

all savings spending should be a joint and agreed and mutually beneficial decision, esp when your savings are so low

imo

The issue isn't what you want to spend the money on, it's how your finances are organised. I spent a month writing down every penny spent and it was a real wake up call. I bet he doesn't realise how much he is wasting each month on cabs etc.
I am another believer in equal pocket money after bills and savings.

DoJo Sat 13-Jul-13 11:03:47

If he is wasting money and that's annoying you, then you wasting some too doesn't really resolve the issue. Would you feel as though you had redressed the balance and be able to move on in a more frugal mindset to achieve your joint goals (as opposed to individual goals).

PearlyWhites Sat 13-Jul-13 11:06:23

Yabu and irresponsible

PearlyWhites Sat 13-Jul-13 11:09:00

(Posted to soon) to spend money that will benefit your dc's future ie a better home on something frivolous that will only benefit you.

Khaleasy Sat 13-Jul-13 11:10:23

YABVVVU.
Had a tattoo yesterday so am in no way biased against tattoos - but they are a luxury and not one to be spent with savings. Savings are for holidays, deposits and emergencies.

WafflyVersatile Sat 13-Jul-13 11:14:09

I think you need to sit down together and work out what comes out of necessities and what is discretionary spending. It's not 'his' money, it's family money. If you work out what are necessities and what aren't, what is family expenditure (ie taking the kids out) then you have £x a month each to spend on whatever you choose and he can work out from that how many taxis and pub visits he can afford and you can use it to save for a tattoo.

soverylucky Sat 13-Jul-13 11:15:51

This is clearly an issue of you needing to sort out the family finances. If he has a debt then surely that should be paid off first?

My point earlier still stands - £600 is a very small amount to have in savings. You should aim for 6 months salary in the bank. Supposing the car was to break? Or your partner loses job?

It really isn't about the tattoo. The best idea earlier up in the thread is where you give yourself a set amount each week to spend on what you want. He could use that for his pub money and you could use yours for a tattoo.

80sMum Sat 13-Jul-13 11:19:19

I think if you only have £600 of savings, you would be very foolish to spend £100 of it on something as frivolous as a tattoo.

On a separate issue, it does sound as though your dh is not being fair in his attitude towards the family finance. Yes, he the one who is earning but you are also contributing by carrying out tasks that would otherwise have to be paid for. You need to sit down and discuss where each of you stands.

Khaleasy Sat 13-Jul-13 11:20:54

Plus those savings are JOINT savings ie. savings to be spent on things that will benefit the family.

I agree with all who say you need to work out a way to get some money put aside for you to spend. But once money goes in the savings pot you should see it as already spent.

£600 is not a lot of money to have in savings, you need to be building it up not chipping away at it

Chunderella Sat 13-Jul-13 13:13:10

Neither of you can afford the things you want, if you only have £600 in your rainy day fund. There are two separate issues here:

1. Is he BU to piss away money on cabs to work and more frequent socialising than he can afford?
Answer- yes

2. Are you BU to want to spend 1/6 of your savings on an inessential with no resale value or use?
Answer- yes.

I get that he's a total hypocrite. That's a reason for him to become less profligate, not for you to attempt to match him. You both need to work out how much spending money there is available per month, then take half each. If you want to save yours up to spend on a tattoo, fine. If he wants to use his on taxis to work, fine. As long as you both do it from this money and no other.

Patchouli Sat 13-Jul-13 13:28:24

I'm not really a tattooey person - but surely if you're going to get one it would be favourite under happier circumstances.
Rather than it be a permanent symbol of resentment.

I don't see how you'll be able to truly like your cherry blossom leg without having feelings of guilt about the family savings or resentment about how your DP sees it as the family savings.

DameFanny Sat 13-Jul-13 13:40:39

Book the tattoo for a month's time. Point out that in that month he'll have spent at least as much on beer and cabs. If he's genuine about saving, suggest he halve his play money and you'll have the tattoo in 2 months with your play money.

I think given the history Yanbu, but the tattoo's what's brought things to a head. Use the opportunity to properly sort your joint finances and expectations over what each of you should have or control money-wise.

And a red herring would make an awesome tat grin

DontmindifIdo Sat 13-Jul-13 13:52:10

I think that right now, getting a tattoo isn't the best idea. However, what I would do is use this as a dicussion on your finances and how they are split, the unfairness of him having more disposable income than you.

So joint account for bills and food, work out what is left after that, split it in 3, an equal share each, and a share for savings. Out of your money you can choose to save for a tattoo, or spend on taxis, lunches out etc. But your 'fripperies' money should be the same. Then it is yours. It does seem you have different attitudes to savings/spending then this is the only way you can really do it. Stop the resentment about spending.

Get your tattoo out of your personal 'fun money' in a few months time. Then there'll be no way he can argue that you should save it if he's spent the exact same amount on crap.

DontmindifIdo Sat 13-Jul-13 13:54:58

Oh and on the 'your money' take it out of hte joint account each month and put it in your individual accounts, that way it's quite clear and you do'nt need to see how much each other did actually spend on each thing in order to judge how they've spent their 'me money'. When you have very different spending patterns, reducing flash points and avoiding potential arguments is a good idea...

Sallyingforth Sat 13-Jul-13 14:06:19

OP in your first post you said that you didn't know that you/he were saving for a deposit. It seems to me that where you live is a far bigger issue than the tattoo, and should be resolved first.
You need to talk about your joint priorities and goals in life and decide what you both want.
Did you both actually want to buy a house, or are you happy to rent forever?
If you both agree that you want to save for a deposit then you should both be prepared to economise. That means not spending money on tattoos or three nights a week in the pub.

lottiegarbanzo Sat 13-Jul-13 14:09:53

So he buys two pints three times a week = £20 or more
plus £15 a week on a taxi because he's disorganised.
gives a total of £45 a week on completely unnecessary items.
That is £2,225 a year.
That is a good amount to save for a deposit.

He could have a few cheap beers at home for £5 a week, or limit himself to one social trip to the pub at £7, still saving £2k a year.

Stop all this asking him for 'his money' crap. Make sure you have a bit for luxuries.

Discuss and agree what your savings are for, then stick to it.

formicadinosaur Sat 13-Jul-13 21:59:31

I think you need to work out what he spends on the pub and take that amount out each week till you have enough. If its only 5 pounds a week, it's going to take ages to save for tattoo

foreverondiet Sat 13-Jul-13 23:58:15

Sorry think you are mad to spend £100 on tattoo of you only have £600 savings. However it is jointly your savings...

BadLad Sun 14-Jul-13 03:19:13

Have a shake up of your finances, then keep some back out of your half of the newly-worked out leisure-spending money for your tattoo.

I wouldn't dip into the savings, especially when they look as it they wouldn't even cover a month's expenses.

McGeeDiNozzo Sun 14-Jul-13 03:28:03

How much does he actually need for the mortgage deposit? £600 isn't going to make a dent. Is this a five-year-plan or a 3,000-year-plan?

McGeeDiNozzo Sun 14-Jul-13 03:31:18

Also, I've no problem with the trips to the public house as partaking of fermented yeast is a time-honoured activity, but he can't be cabbing to work and lecturing you about money.

That said, if it's a luxury you're paying for out of savings it's not a luxury you're in a position to afford.

grumpyinthemorning Sun 14-Jul-13 09:47:08

Like I said, there was more in the savings, but we recently had to fix the washing machine and the fridge. It doesn't take long to build back up.

I don't want to rent forever, but I also don't think we have to rush to get a mortgage. I'm happy to live a little now and buy a house in 10 years (I would be 33 then). I think the whole thing really stems from the fact that we're getting married, and one of his friends has just bought a house - he feels like his life isn't where he expected it to be at this point. I think it's daft, you can't predict these things, but there you go.

I guess I'm just a bit disgruntled with the fact that I have very little play money, and I figure if I had the same amount as him it wouldn't have gone into savings, and I could have had my tattoo months ago. And it's not like he withholds money from me, I just don't go out very much, I'm usually too tired after a full day with an energetic toddler!

primroseyellow Sun 14-Jul-13 09:50:03

YABU

kalidanger Sun 14-Jul-13 09:57:13

I think you should have your tattoo then consider a fresh start - have a good talk about organising finances so you can both save and both have fun. Whatever you're doing now isn't quite working. especially cabs to work! Honestly, talk about unnecessary expense!

GinOnTwoWheels Sun 14-Jul-13 10:23:46

Do you like where you live now? If you do you're lucky as you also have a secure council tenancy. A mortgage is likely to be massively more expensive than council rent.

Until you graduate and start working it doesn't look like you can afford to buy but it's good to start saving.

Like others have said you need to make sure all you're bills are paid, you have some savings for irregular exps like Christmas and broken white goods. Then you need to look at long term mortgage deposit savings. You should then split what's leftover 50/50 for fun stuff whether tattoos or pub trips.

BreadNameBread Sun 14-Jul-13 10:38:14

YABU
£100 out of £600 saving is too much.

Yourborfriend is also being very unreasonable.

I would be worried about marrying him sad he sounds extremely selfish.
It's not ice or him to go to the pub 3+ times a week when he has you and the baby at home. It's too much and doesn't bode well for the future. He doesn't seem to rate you highly

HappyMummyOfOne Sun 14-Jul-13 11:28:27

Can you not get a job outside his hours? Lots of mums work nights and weekends around their partners. If his salary is low that you have so little in savings, then you might get help with childcare costs anyway so could work in the day. You will have very little play money if not working and your dh's salary sounds like it doesnt cover everything on its own as it is as you get tax credits.

Spending a sixth of your savings on something that is a luxury is madness. What if the baby needs something or something else breaks in the household? A wedding itself is going to cost and saving for a house deposit is very sensible.

grumpyinthemorning Sun 14-Jul-13 12:48:58

The wedding is paid for already. Between childcare, housework and my degree, if I try to work too I'll end up burning out. I know my limits.

But MN has spoken sad we've had a chat about finances, but haven't had a chance to properly sort it as he was out last night. He said "if you're ever short all you have to do is ask". I honestly can't find the words to explain how far off the mark this was...

Emilythornesbff Sun 14-Jul-13 13:40:58

I think he considers that this is his money because you aren't going out to work.

Other pp have given quite good advice about saving for personal spending money IMHO.

It seems unfair that he has his spending money and you don't. And the taxi thing would really piss me off tbh. That's quite a luxury.

If nothing else, the taxis have to stop. If he gets a taxi to work once a week for 40 weeks of the year at 15 a time. That's 600 a year. Exactly what you have in savings. He's sabotaging his 5 year plan because he wants a lie in once a week? Two pints three times a week is around 30! A week. So do you get 45 a week to spend on fripperies? You should. You do need to sit down and work out what is coming in and what is going out. How much do you want to save. Will your holiday/emergency fund be separate from your mortgage saving fund? What you both have at the moment is a five year pipe dream. What you need is a plan.

DameFanny Sun 14-Jul-13 20:18:30

So don't explain to him how far off the mark he is - explain too him that you're pooling finances - and this includes cost of childcare - and you'll be sharing the spare money once the joint expense including savings have been met.

Or, once you're earning loads more than him as a post-grad, you give him an allowance and keep the rest to yourself...

nkf Sun 14-Jul-13 20:22:47

That is a large proportion of your savings. Time to talk about money and shared money and so on. I don't think savings should go on tattoos either.

McNewPants2013 Sun 14-Jul-13 21:56:17

I cant believe i am going to type this....but the debts come 1st and i am saying to you as a couple and not you alone.

BasilBabyEater Mon 15-Jul-13 07:59:06

Having to ask for money is demeaning and you need to get him to see this.

He's being obtuse (deliberately? maybe not, but possibly?) about this because he wants to keep control of the finances.

that's not acceptable in a healthy adult relationship.

I thought you only find those kind of things on Netmums...

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