to think if we are going out for family meal ds should get one too

(86 Posts)
likesnowflakesinanocean Fri 12-Jul-13 13:41:02

family occasion coming up, two elder relatives have decided to take family out totalling about 18 people so has to be booked. my dad told me in passing yesterday that they won't be ordering ds age 6 a meal because it would be a waste of money. ds is quite a good eater there are lots of things he likes. I then said well I will pay for ds meal. oh no they are going to ask for a small plate so he can have bits that won't get wasted. aibu to think if you invite us out for a meal you invite us all and that 6yo ds is capable of eating a children's meal in restaurant. its not as though they don't see him often so know that he will. wibu to say we were not going if this is the case.

FoxyRevenger Fri 12-Jul-13 13:42:56

Well, he's 6, he should have a meal of his own, not scraps! A 1 year old, fair enough, but 6?

I would just not mention it again and order DS a meal at the time; if there's any debate just pay for it yourself.

Robinredboobs Fri 12-Jul-13 13:44:12

Yanbu. Thought you were going to say he was 2 or 3 years old..then maybe sharing a plate would be fine. To do that to a 6 year old is mean.

likesnowflakesinanocean Fri 12-Jul-13 13:44:15

I thought that too, wouldn't object if he was a toddler but he is 6 that week. good idea about paying when there.

My 15mo gets a meal when we go out! Surely at 6 he's perfectly capable of sitting and eating a meal with family? I'm a bit baffled by their logic really.

Groovee Fri 12-Jul-13 13:45:34

My children have always had good appetites. I'd order a meal regardless

NinaJade666 Fri 12-Jul-13 13:47:07

What foxy said.

How bloody rude!

likesnowflakesinanocean Fri 12-Jul-13 13:47:27

I'm baffled too, he goes there for tea so they know he will sit and eat. they do a children's roast which he loves.

BrandiBroke Fri 12-Jul-13 13:47:35

I agree with Foxy. Just go and when you get there ask the staff if they can add on a child's meal that you will pay for separately. I'm sure they will do this.

DaddyPigsMistress Fri 12-Jul-13 13:48:03

What?! My two year old wouldnt be content with peoples scraps!


Meglet Fri 12-Jul-13 13:48:14

yanbu. My DS can eat a decent sized meal in a restaurant, he'd be whingy and hungry eating leftovers.

Sirzy Fri 12-Jul-13 13:48:34

Of course a 6 year old should have a meal. What a strange thing to suggest!

Dackyduddles Fri 12-Jul-13 13:48:45

Just order yourself on the night and watch them eat words as he cleans plate.

Hopefully, else they will sit triumphant!

raisah Fri 12-Jul-13 13:49:13

Take him and order and pay for his meal to show that he is a good eater. They can't stop you from buying your son a meal so swallow your pride & go, this is your opportunity to show them up.

Dackyduddles Fri 12-Jul-13 13:49:33

Reckon they just don't want to pay....

PrincessKitKat Fri 12-Jul-13 13:52:18

Scraps from others plates?!!!
Have they booked a restaurant in 1804?!

ihearsounds Fri 12-Jul-13 13:52:24

Show up and order him a meal. My youngest would be offended at not having his own meal, and would not shut up asking where his meal was.. He would not accept other peoples scraps. He would eat his own meal and depending what I/dp/siblings were having, help us as well..

5madthings Fri 12-Jul-13 13:52:51

Yanbu even my two year old gets a meal when we go out. If I tried to just give my five year old bits of mine etc he would be very unimpressed!

likesnowflakesinanocean Fri 12-Jul-13 13:53:28

I wondered if it was cost, but they aren't short of money they are paying for entire meal for all guests. feel abit put out as 9 and 11 yr old family no questions but ds supposedly will waste it.

wonderingifiam2013 Fri 12-Jul-13 13:53:28

Can you politely tell your Dad that you won't be sharing your meal as your DS eats far too much! But you're happy if they want to share theirs ... wink

Then suggest it might be sensible to order him a children's meal after all - so as not to 'spoil' anyone elses meal and leave THEM hungry wink

likesnowflakesinanocean Fri 12-Jul-13 13:56:02

that would be hilariousgrin he would go round take everyone else's meat and be quite happygrin.

NatashaBee Fri 12-Jul-13 13:59:42

YANBU. DS isn't even 2 and will polish off a kids meal! I'd send your son over to your dad to beg for scraps and annoy him <childish>

TWinklyLittleStar Fri 12-Jul-13 14:00:04

Haha, they are being very unreasonable, at 6 my nephew could eat more than me when the mood took him. My family would never.suggest this because the scraps my relatives would leave.wouldn't feed a gnat on hunger strike.

wonderingifiam2013 Fri 12-Jul-13 14:01:35

and then scoop a mahooosive spoonful of dessert into his mouth ... followed by 'please sir ... grin

They're just being mean - in all seriousness, if it's going to cause problems I agree with the posters above about ordering him a meal when you get there

likesnowflakesinanocean Fri 12-Jul-13 14:02:15

should say not my dad who's saying no meal for ds its the elderly relatives who are planning the meal. think it will be a case of ds gets own meal or we don't go. am working so hard trying to get him to recognise he is growing up a bit things like this I don't want to encourage

ouryve Fri 12-Jul-13 14:07:35

If I don't give my 7yo enough food to keep him busy, he starts to help himself to mine! (not the vegetables, of course. I'm allowed to keep them)

No, YANBU. He's 6 years old, not 6 months confused

PinkPepper Fri 12-Jul-13 14:09:23

Crazy. I sometimes order my one year old a meal if I'm hungry, then we share both (obviously he doesn't always finish it but I hate only having half a meal!)

BumbleChum Fri 12-Jul-13 14:10:31

The elderly relatives must be totally out of touch, and not remember what a six year old is like! No way would I do that. If it becomes a great big family thing, whereby the relatives would be offended etc. etc. then I would go, and order for myself the meal that DS wants - then put the plate in front of him. Then see if people scrape up a plate of leftovers for me...

Mind you, I don't think my relatives would do that. It's barking!

HaroldLloyd Fri 12-Jul-13 14:10:34

I would order a meal for my 2.5 yo DS, that's bonkers at 6.

He'll be gutted!

thebody Fri 12-Jul-13 14:12:24

Bloody rude!!

Alwaysbloodyhungry Fri 12-Jul-13 14:25:03

No ignorant of them and I would quite frankly be offended and pissed with them they not spend much time with him to know what a good eater he is? Oh sorry just read back they no previously said dont mention it again and just order his dinner at the table...oh and don't ever let them take him out to dinner alone! Ha ha!

WireCat Fri 12-Jul-13 14:29:08

How weird.

I'd order him a meal.

Or not go at all!

Yanbu. When you don't get to go out often then last thing you wang is to have to tone down what you order so that you can divvy it up with the kids. My dds get a meal shared between them as neither one will eat a full adult meal but they eat too much to just have scraps from ours. Go out, enjoy your meal and get your ds his own. At six he will eat enough to warrant it!!! smile

Eyesunderarock Fri 12-Jul-13 14:32:06

He's a person, not a dog. He should have a meal.

Since your dad is the one talking to the elderly relatives I think you should ask him to politely get back to them and say "The kid eats like a horse, better get him his own meal" They are probably just forgetting what they are like at 6 and would be embarrassed to think you are upset/annoyed.

If they can't be asked, or say no, then order one up quietly when you arrive.

treas Fri 12-Jul-13 14:32:59

Or .... might your ds really enjoy the opportunity of experiencing a lot of different foods

Besides if he's getting bits off everyone plates someone (you) will have to co-ordinate it and can select the most expensive part of everyones meal and in a large quantity grin

Actually, we often get a small plate for our dd 10 y.o. to share from dh, ds and my plates but only from somewhere we know provide ridiculously sized portions for adult meals which even dh could not complete

likesnowflakesinanocean Fri 12-Jul-13 14:33:27

am glad im not being a cow, its lovely of them to invite us out but he would hate to be treated like a baby and i think it would spoil it

Eyesunderarock Fri 12-Jul-13 14:34:52

How cute is he?
He could go round from table to table, begging for scraps as his own family
has not seen fit to feed him and he's living in scraps and hungreeeeeeee.

'Just a crumb mister, a chip or two...sniff'

likesnowflakesinanocean Fri 12-Jul-13 14:40:02

he's quite cute but I'm bias. he's also very shy and half the people there he won't remember grin

Eyesunderarock Fri 12-Jul-13 14:42:47

Make him a sign, so he doesn't have to speak.
'Scraps received with humble gratitude'

Seriously, your elderly rellies are being dim. Go, order him a proper meal. smile

piprabbit Fri 12-Jul-13 14:44:24

My DD would have been mortified to be given scraps at that age. She was always very proud of sitting with the grown-ups, choosing her meal, getting complimented on eating so nicely etc.

To deny her that self-esteem and pleasure would have been rude and unkind.

I wouldn't go to a meal where my DD was treated like a second-class citizen.

It wouldn't matter if he didn't eat it imo anyway. At six, he's old enough to be part of the family occasion and the manners it requires to sit and eat a meal. ie you sit down and eat your meal nicely. You do not steal other people's food , swap around, or eat scraps off everyone's plates. You make a choice and you accept that it's what you chose.

likesnowflakesinanocean Fri 12-Jul-13 14:52:15

he does eat well,at table. he is my only along with sc who spend certain days here so his meals out or at table have been mostly with adults or those older than him . just glad i wasnt being daft as i know he would be put out to have a side plate with bits on rather than a full meal.

encyclogirl Fri 12-Jul-13 14:52:48

I would just order it myself when I got there. When my ds was 6 he was devouring kids size meals, we had to move up to full adult meals by the time he was 8

likesnowflakesinanocean Fri 12-Jul-13 14:53:26

does make me worry that if i dont eat all my dinner now will i be in trouble, or will any of rest of guests grin

encyclogirl Fri 12-Jul-13 14:53:47

Also the idea of 'bits' make me want to vom for some reason.

I wasn't saying he doesn't likesnow smile just that them expecting him to walk round taking bits and pieces off plates is not using the manners that we encourage them to have smile

And tbh it's not nice for the other guests to have to sit their hacking up their meals.

You are totally right snow he should be part of it properly! smile

likesnowflakesinanocean Fri 12-Jul-13 14:57:14

thats my thing too i think, why should he get some meat, some mash ect when he could have his own meal.

likesnowflakesinanocean Fri 12-Jul-13 14:59:04

i know. sorry if it came across wrong was just highlighting that he wasnt a child that wasnt used to sitting with adults or meals out. im glad i asked now smile

mrsjay Fri 12-Jul-13 15:02:46

JUst shrug and then order your sons food when you get there or ring them up yourself and warn them he will be eating his OWN food the oldies probably cant remember what having a 6 yr old is like and they are big enough t eat their own food

likesnowflakesinanocean Sat 20-Jul-13 10:01:26

thought is update you all that the madness continues and due to them pandering to everyone's differing schedules we won't be eating till gone eight so ds will probably end up having tea at home then a pudding at the meal as he won't be able to wait till 8 to half past for his tea.

CSIJanner Sat 20-Jul-13 10:15:28

If the table is for eight, expect to eat around nine. That's personally too late for me these days, especially with children, so if it was me, I would decline.


MissDuke Sat 20-Jul-13 10:24:06

My sil decided she didn't want any children at her wedding as she didn't want to have to pay for their meals, so I actually did say that either we would pay or my then 6yo and 3yo could share our food - the youngest was only a few weeks old and bf by the time of the wedding. She said no because if she allowed me to bring even my baby, then others would want to bring kids too, and would expect to be fed (naturally). The kids meals were only a few pounds :-/

So we didn't go, I wouldn't have left the baby anyway.

In your case, I would def go ahead and pay for the meal myself. Though I must admit my kids love getting scraps, they enjoy the variety of a 'bit of everything' and by the time everyone donates a bit, they end up with loads!

Emilythornesbff Sat 20-Jul-13 11:02:09

OMG. I wouldn't go.
Can't bear all that fucking about.
Stay at home and leave them to it.

Take DS a "meal" with you, preferably a McD's happy meal. He could sit and eat it out of the bag (using his fingers) in front of everyone. You could explain the problem to anyone who asked. IME elderly relatives would love to see that at a family occasion.

I reckon you'd find a meal being ordered before the second nugget was out of the box! grin

MortifiedAdams Sat 20-Jul-13 11:13:36 years old! Do the relatives who are saying this know how old he is? DD is 18mo and I will not be able to do the sharer thing for much longer.

Plus, a kids meal is, what, a fiver?! So what if he doesnt clear his plate!

Patosshades Sat 20-Jul-13 11:18:34

I'm guessing the other relatives ordering this don't have much day to day interaction with your son. If that's the case they may not be aware of how much food a 6 year old can pack away and probably have visions of him being served up an adults meal and it being left there.

Go to the meal, order him a childs meal when you get there. They're unlikely unless completely bonkers to take the plate away from him once you're all seated and ready to eat.

Lollydaydream Sat 20-Jul-13 11:30:17

Are they very elderly, have they reached that stage where they think that meals out are huge and they talk throughout the while meal about only having a small appetite and ostentatiously ask the staff about small portions? If so maybe they really don't think he will manage because they don't think they will?
It all sounds a bit of a palava, try to not let it get you down and just get your boy whatever he needs.

ManifestoMT Sat 20-Jul-13 11:42:30

Gosh 8 o'clock is late for a 6 year old.

You will just have time to scoff and go. You won't get out of the restaurant by 10 ish he will be exhausted.
( possibly playing up with tiredness )
I would think about babysitters or dh staying home with ds or not going at all.
We had a family celebration with the same sort of thing. Old people actually affronted as how many potatoes the had been given as there were too many.
And they were really loud in a passive aggressive way about it.

Over spuds ffs

likesnowflakesinanocean Sat 20-Jul-13 12:46:13

mcds would be hilarious to do, ds would probably be happier to as its a really poncy place that over complicate the simpliest of recipes. I am abit worried about the time too as he gets up early will spend all day busy, has swimming that day then will be expected to be wide awake and chatting at 9pm. cant see it happening to be honest! am wondering whether its the best idea for us to go to be honest which is a shame as i dont see family often but they havent taken him into consideration at all but are insistent that he comes.

ElizabethHornswoggle Sat 20-Jul-13 13:05:06

You what?! He's 6, not a toddler! I could get their point if he was a toddler as I used to do that to mine when they were about 1 or 2 years of age as they were content with a small plate.
At 6 though? My ds is 6 now and would definitely still be hungry after just having bits off others plates!

My DS1 first cleared a child's plate of food at a restaurant at about 11mo. It's outrageous to refuse to buy a 6yo a meal in these circumstances. Scraps indeed!

ManifestoMT Sat 20-Jul-13 13:14:23

Well they can insist but I'd say its too late for a 6 year old , fed on scraps, in a poncey restaurant.

Insist away but it should be at a reasonable time

Weird that they think he is too young to eat but old enough to stay up.
He will probably be bored shitless as well.
It's not as if he can drink alcohol to numb the boredom

SaucyJack Sat 20-Jul-13 13:17:37

Weird! YANBU.

kungfupannda Sat 20-Jul-13 13:22:00

Bloody hell, my 18 month old DS2 ate a entire kid's meal yesterday and then polished off all his brother's leftovers, and was still wanting more!

I think you might need to get a bit shirty about this. Normally I take the view that if someone is treating you, then you shouldn't start making demands, but it doesn't sound like much of a treat - more of a summons. You SHALL come to the meal and you SHALL eat scraps and be grateful.

I would be inclined to tell them that it is completely unreasonable to expect a six year-old to be fed with scraps off people's plates, as if he was a baby and that he either has a meal, like the other children, or he doesn't come.

Alternatively, just ring the restaurant yourself and place the order yourself. Then if they object on the night, pull this face hmm and say "I'm paying for it. What's the problem?" They're going to look a it odd if they throw a hissy fit over a child having a meal that someone else is paying for.

pigletmania Sat 20-Jul-13 13:22:29

Yanbu at all tightwads.imwould even order dd 6 a chids meal and she is a dreadful eater. Once you get there order and pay for a meal yourself, they can't stop you, Now way would my chid be eating scraps hmm

nkf Sat 20-Jul-13 13:23:02

Stop talking about scraps and leftovers in this Oliver twist sort of way. Just sort out his meal when you get there. If course they are being ridiculous and a bit crap. And don't try to make.him eat a huge meal just to prove a.point.

kungfupannda Sat 20-Jul-13 13:23:23

Or just turn up without him. Again, if they complain just look blank and say "We said it was too late for him and it's not as though you'd ordered him a meal, so what's the problem?"

nkf Sat 20-Jul-13 13:25:09

Just seen the time. Even easier. Get a babysitter. If you don't have a babysitter, one of you go.

Thumbwitch Sat 20-Jul-13 13:32:56

After your update, I'd be telling them where to stick it as well, tbh. As others have said, if you turn up at 8, it will be nearer 9 by the time you eat and even my DS (5) is in bed by 9.

We went out for a meal last night for my birthday, and got there at 6:15, ate at around 7, had to wait at least 20 minutes for dessert and then home by 8:30. THAT schedule worked very well for us - we could have managed up to half an hour later, but no more than that in reality (and that would have been difficult).

I think you may have to accept that one or more of you don't go.

likesnowflakesinanocean Sat 20-Jul-13 14:26:03

we may end up not going as Noone to babysit they are all at meal. thanks for all advice

likesnowflakesinanocean Sat 20-Jul-13 14:28:27

nkf I agree he wouldn't want a huge meal and I wouldnt make him just to prove a point just seems as though they are jumping thrpugh hoops to accommodate the adults and not factoring in the children

Viviennemary Sat 20-Jul-13 14:34:25

I would be more than a bit put out as well. Your DS is six not one so is entitled to his own meal. I could see the point if a child has a habit of wasting an entire plate of food but not if your son eats well. I might think about not going at all. If it was no children's meals paid for then fine but if other children are having their meals paid for then it's more than unfair. Families!!

Alisvolatpropiis Sat 20-Jul-13 14:42:31


Wtf is that about?!

Bogeyface Sat 20-Jul-13 14:56:41

This sounds far too much like hard work, I would just not go!

formicadinosaur Sat 20-Jul-13 14:58:20

If he was 2 that would be fine but a 6 year old needs a meal.

mikkii Sat 20-Jul-13 15:36:20

At 2, DS and his cousin (same age) would share an adult meal between them (their tastes ran better than most places children's menu).

DD1 is 6, if she and I were expected to share, I would go hungry! She has a very healthy appetite and usually would not be satisfied with a children's main course. That would be enough if there had been starters/nibbles and a dessert.

YANBU, but, perhaps the elderly relatives are forgetting is age and what a good eater he is. My parents forget stuff like this now.

BoneyBackJefferson Sat 20-Jul-13 15:48:19


Tell them to do one, they obviously don't want him there.

You should get him to get a plate and in Oliver Twist style after he's been given a scrap say,

"Please Sir, I want some more!"

See what your Dad says then.

Is it just your DS or any other young kids that will be eating (under 7?) are the 9 and 11 year old yours, or another siblings?

Just baffles me.

Oh and 9 o'clock seems very late to eat, even for a lot of adults.

I'd simply not go. I know it's gutting as you don't get to see family often, but if they aren't factoring in your DS what can be done?

Have a little meal of your own at home instead as a little treat. Pretend to be eating fancy food and make it fun for him smile

nkf Sat 20-Jul-13 16:14:21

Some places don't do kids menus. Fancy places don't on the whole. Of course what people mean by fancy varies, but lots and lots of places don't bother. Particularly at night. Old people often are a bit clueless about kids. I remember my grandmother buying me tea sets when I was about 12.

Of course, on an MN AiBU, everything is a calculated insult and requires a full on passive aggressive response, preferably via Facebook.

What the fuck!
Hell would freeze over before my child would be given leftovers!
And so on.

Sounds like they don't want him thereshock scraps for a 6yo!
I wouldn't even bother going if they cannot be straight with you!

FunLovinBunster Sat 20-Jul-13 16:18:28

I wouldn't go because its far too late for a 6 year old IMHO.
My DD is a lousy eater, but I would still order her her own choice of meal.
Your relatives are extremely rude. I wouldn't waste your time visiting them either. If they ask why cite their rudeness, inflexibility and inability to understand a child's point of view.

OhMerGerd Sat 20-Jul-13 16:27:57

Just go enjoy time with your family stop worrying. It's a restaurant whether a bargain barn or Michelin starred if you ask for a meal for your son they will make one.
Just go. Have fun I'm sure no offence intended.

Notcontent Sat 20-Jul-13 17:16:15

My dd, of a similar age, would be in tears if she wasn't allowed her own meal. It does sound like something from the Victorian era....

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