Or is it just unusual where I live.

(43 Posts)
midnightisaplace Wed 10-Jul-13 21:21:54

Since the good weather began DS (3.8) has been playing out much more than usual. There are a group of about six children who are all within about a year of each other and they have a great time together.

We have always started DS bed time routine at 7 with a bath after which he goes straight to bed. DS hasn't been too keen on coming in from his friends over the last week or so but I have stuck to my guns and he goes to sleep straight away so I know he needs it.

The other six children were still out playing when I came into the house from a walk ten minutes ago at 9pm. Some of the parents have been looking at me lke I'm mad when I call Ds in at 7. Am I being unreasonable in making my DS stand out as different from his friends?

Sparklymommy Wed 10-Jul-13 21:24:13

Tbh my children aged 4, 5, and 6 all go to bed around between 7 & 8pm. There are kids around us who are still out playing now but how do they cope with a full day of school?

mrsjay Wed 10-Jul-13 21:27:22

MY children were the ones coming in early they hated it but I did start to relent as they got a little bit older your wee boy is not even 4 I think 7pm is late enough

ThePowerof3 Wed 10-Jul-13 21:28:47

Mine are 4 and 6 and go to bed at 7 or won't cope at school the next day, it's not long until the holidays and you can relax a bit more. I have a friend with 2 DCs the same age as mine and they were with her in the park at 8.30 last night but they just keep different hours, when my DD moans I just say our rules are ours etc etc

NoComet Wed 10-Jul-13 21:29:02

Easily, no point in getting my two in in summer, their rooms (especially DD1's) are too hot anyway.

Seriously, bright sunlight reprograms the body clock and and they really don't mind.

Relax, let them play, they will be absolutely fine and it's incredibly useful for holidays and day trips to have DCs who are nice well after 'bed time'.

7pm for a 4yo sounds about right. Maybe allow him one later night a week through the holidays IF YOU feel the need, but wouldn't worry about other parents looking at you. They are probably more jealous about "how does she manage to do that" than thinking you are wrong.

McNewPants2013 Wed 10-Jul-13 21:29:47

I think with only a week or 2 left in school that its mostly fun things going on in school.

Ds has autism so the school warned me about the changes in school so we could plan for them.

I have relaxed about the routine and normally it 7 pm bath time but as the weather is so nice it's been around 8:30 them going to bed.

Myliferocks Wed 10-Jul-13 21:29:49

My 12 yr old DD goes to bed at 9. Most nights the 4 yr old next door is up until at least 10.
The other night he was out in the back garden making a right racket with his parents at 10.30.

midnightisaplace Wed 10-Jul-13 21:30:31

Thanks! We are lucky in that his bedroom is at the back of the house. The kids tend to play just outside our front and it would be awful if he had to lie in bed listening to them.

mrsjay Wed 10-Jul-13 21:30:35

I think if he hasnt got nursery over the holidays it really is ok to let the routine slip a bit and let them play out a little later

YoniRanger Wed 10-Jul-13 21:30:58

The report out yesterday regarding late and irrational bedtimes for kids seemed pretty clear that kids can't cope with these late nights.

tedmundo Wed 10-Jul-13 21:31:54

Ds2 went to bed at 8.30 and he is nearly 5. But that is only because of the weather. I can't bear to drag them out of the garden when who knows how long this weather will last. And schools / pre school iare winding down so it is not very demanding at the moment.

But, if he seemed tired and came in happily and settled easily then you clearly did the right thing.

tedmundo Wed 10-Jul-13 21:32:54

Crossed posts with mcnewpants .. We say the same thing.

ThePowerof3 Wed 10-Jul-13 21:33:11

Children don't play out where I live as we're on a v busy main road, it's nice that your DC can do that, not relevant I know!

midnightisaplace Wed 10-Jul-13 21:34:07

Sounds like a mixed bunch of opinions. I suppose it is one of those things that is each to his own! DS has always been a bad sleeper and I know I am over anxious about keeping him in his routine. I like the suggestion of one night a week were I relax the rules a bit.

ThePowerof3 Wed 10-Jul-13 21:34:24

Oh and my DCs school seem to be stuffing all the exciting things in these last couple of weeks, school trip anyone?

NoComet Wed 10-Jul-13 21:35:31

Honestly they will cope with school, school isn't a marathon, it's six relaxed little hours.

DD2 was happy to 8.5 hour at nursery without a nap from 2ish and still run about with her big sister until bed at 8pm.

I don't get these 'tired' small children.

As the wonderful jojo mama be PJs said
"Why do I have to go to bed, it's Mum who's tired"

midnightisaplace Wed 10-Jul-13 21:35:49

The powerof3 I know it is nice. We live in a cul de sac and all the children seem to be the same age so it is lovely that they can actually play out.

Sparklysilversequins Wed 10-Jul-13 21:36:08

Do people really let their three year olds play out? Can you see him OP?

maja00 Wed 10-Jul-13 21:38:28

My almost 3 year old is in bed by 8pm, but there are children (aged 6-10) playing out in the street til 9 or even 10pm shock

McNewPants2013 Wed 10-Jul-13 21:38:34

Dd aged 4 goes out the front when I am there, other wise she put the secure back garden.

Twattybollocks Wed 10-Jul-13 21:38:41

Not usual here. Kids here are all inside for 7.30 latest. There are a couple of older kids who I know don't go to bed until 9pm but their mother says 7.30 is late enough for them to be out playing on school nights, and it makes it so much easier when they all go in at the same time.
Summer hols are different tho, they play out till 8.30-9 if its light enough.

midnightisaplace Wed 10-Jul-13 21:38:59

Yes sparklysilversequins people do really let their three year olds play out!

PrincessScrumpy Wed 10-Jul-13 21:39:32

I do stick to bed time but dtds have only just gone quiet - i'm blaming the heat. Maybe if I let them play longer they'd go straight to sleep.
if they haven't got school it's not a massive issue - each to their own.

noisytoys Wed 10-Jul-13 21:40:32

We are on a very busy main road too. Even if we lived in a deserted street DCs would still go to bed at their bedtimes they need their sleep or they are very cranky the next day (and a few days after that until they catch up with their sleep)

LaQueen Wed 10-Jul-13 21:43:53

At 3.8 my DDs were always in bed for 7pm. They needed their sleep, and DH and I needed our evenings of peace and quiet.

Nowadays, at 10.5 and 9.5, our DDs are in bed for 8pm, and they can read for a few minutes, if they want. DD1 is always sleepy by 8pm, and rarely reads. DD2 usually reads, but she's always asleep by 8.30pm.

Notcontent Wed 10-Jul-13 21:50:13

The vast majority of children do need more sleep than adults.
My 7 year old needs at least 10 hours sleep or she looks terrible and gets very cranky.
Even as a teenager I used to be in bed by 9 or 9.30.

Sparklysilversequins Wed 10-Jul-13 21:59:03

Well I think it's far too young and I would call it irresponsible, unless you have eyes on him constantly. He's no hope of getting himself out of a sticky situation at that age and it can happen so quickly.

marriedinwhiteagain Wed 10-Jul-13 21:59:43

Ours never needed much sleep. But tea was at 5.30, bath time at 6.30, story at 7.30 and quiet time from then - often still up. Ds needed sleep from 10 ish as a litly and would goo through to 6 if we were lucky; dd needed to nbe down by 9-9.30 and would wake at 7ish.

No way would they have been playing out - ever at that sort of age. Or even older tbh.

LisasCat Wed 10-Jul-13 22:06:56

I've had exactly the same situation as you. I am quite strict about 7.30 bedtime on a school night and will ignore any cats bum faces when I break up playtime to bring mine indoors. I don't care what other people do for their children (although I do judge when they're off school the next day, 'poorly'), but I want mine to know that a good night's sleep is integral to feeling healthy and alert, and able to concentrate at school.

katydid02 Wed 10-Jul-13 22:11:57

7pm is late enough for his age. My DC play out and they and their friends (age 7-11) all go in at six for dinner. DCs play in the garden until 8pm latest and then are in.
School holidays are different but that doesn't apply to you I guess.

nenevomito Wed 10-Jul-13 22:12:20

Both DCs get called in at 7 and are in bed - usually asleep by 8.
Hooray!

PeriodMath Wed 10-Jul-13 22:15:28

I can't imagine my 3 yr old playing outdoors without me or another adult supervising. Not saying you shouldn't, just interesting that it's obviously normal for you but terrifying to me.

NeoMaxiZoomDweebie Wed 10-Jul-13 22:15:41

Another one shocked at a three year old playing out. I also live in a cul de sac...I'd never let a toddler out though! My DDs go out to play but they are 8 and 5....the 5 year old is only allowed on our (open) lawn. I keep the front door wide open so I can see her.

Three is TINY!

No way would my Ds been playing out at that age unless I was with him.......is there any adult supervision?

FullOfChoc Wed 10-Jul-13 22:16:02

I work in a school and all day every day I watch worn out kids struggling to concentrate on the lesson.

7 pm sounds just right.

I wouldn't let a child that young play out either, if something happened and they weren't being supervised by an adult, social services would, rightly, nail your ass to the wall for neglect. A child that age cannot judge hazards, or be trusted to not follow something that interests them.

NeoMaxiZoomDweebie Wed 10-Jul-13 22:45:43

Yes and other, older children can't always be trusted with smaller ones. They can be quite mean at times. DH clearly remembers being made to stand on an ant hill as a small child by some older kids who were his "friends" this wasn't England either and the ants where he grew up bite hard.

ThePowerof3 Thu 11-Jul-13 13:31:34

I can't imagine my 3 almost 4 year old out without me but again I don't live somewhere where it'd be possible anyway

doingthesplitz Thu 11-Jul-13 14:25:38

I wouldn't let a three year old play outside unsupervised. Even in a cul de sac you will have some cars driving down the road or backing out of drives, or the possibility of them straying off somewhere or another child lifting them up on to a wall that they then fall off or somesuch.

CrispyFB Thu 11-Jul-13 15:03:34

A lot depends on when they get up though. I'm always hearing parents complain about their school age DC waking up at 5.30am or similar, and these are always the ones with the 7pm bedtimes.

Sometimes ours play [quietly, or they're straight indoors, they know the score] in the garden a little later, and I'm quite sure we probably get a few hmm from the neighbours, but ours don't get up until 8am as that's what works best for us with our morning routine.. up and out and no faffing. Plus DC2 (4) in particular really doesn't seem to need as much sleep as other children her age.

There's the old saying that I may have altered slightly about how you can lead a child to bed, but you can't make it sleep.. I'd far rather them running about in the garden tiring themselves out over them banging and crashing around upstairs making "craft" stuff aka piles of mess or whatever because they're bored and not tired.

ThingummyBob Thu 11-Jul-13 15:13:24

Am I the only one amused that Op who had her judgey pants hoiked up about other peoples bedtimes is now on the receiving end of the judgey pants brigade grin

OP, my dcs have always slept later if they stay up later. Even now age 10 I know some would be a bit hmm as he and all the kids on our street have been out until after 9 all week. He's in bed for ten and up at 8. Its plenty of sleep smile

Apileofballyhoo Thu 11-Jul-13 15:31:51

Yes to later mornings - DS (5) sleeps 10-11 hours. We are up at 8 and he is usually asleep at about 9.30. He is sometimes playing out till close to 9.

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