Traffic mastubaters

(101 Posts)
lollylaughs Tue 09-Jul-13 16:02:35

Really, is it just me?? Twice now in one year I've been subjected to seeing men masturbating - at a red traffic light, and now one in a traffic jam...

I have a big car so I am higher up then them so just happened to glance down and yep, there he was - having a good old tug!! Well this one seem no worse for wear and was just getting stuck in there, the previous one was looking at me while doing it - ughhhhh.

First time I was so flabbergasted I didn't think to take the registration number, and this time I couldn't see it. -- I was too busy concentrating on how to get the hell out of there-- I didn't even realize at first but when I saw the arm movement and he moved his car closer to mine I saw him.

Some people are just sick! What if dd had been with me in the car!

Ezio Tue 09-Jul-13 16:05:34

Maybe he was just changing gear??

RobotBananas Tue 09-Jul-13 16:07:34


lollylaughs Tue 09-Jul-13 16:07:46

No he most certainly wasn't changing gear ezio

FruminousBandersnatch Tue 09-Jul-13 16:07:59

I have seen this!

I was on a south London bus. I was sat on the bottom of the bus. While we were stopped at the lights, I casually looked into the car in the lane beside me and there was a man masturbating. That's not all - he was butt naked! I have told a few people and no one ever believes me.

It was one of those moments that was so disturbingly odd that years later I have trouble believing it myself.

WhatWouldBeyonceDo Tue 09-Jul-13 16:08:17


ilovechips Tue 09-Jul-13 16:09:03

Just how long must the lights be red for, for there to be any, erm, conclusion!

meganorks Tue 09-Jul-13 16:09:44

I saw someone in France doing this on a massive dodgy roundabout. I was on a school art trip and we could all see him out of the coach! Pretty gross.

Nottalotta Tue 09-Jul-13 16:09:47

Really????? Wtf??? Why? What do they do the end?

Never seen this.

Is it a thing? Like they have to 'finish' before it changes? hmm

Wishfulmakeupping Tue 09-Jul-13 16:10:37

So weird

FruminousBandersnatch Tue 09-Jul-13 16:10:54

Well the guy I saw drove off still playing with himself. His member looked sad and flaccid. I guess he couldn't cope with the pressure of trying to wank AND navigate heavy rush hour traffic. Which is fair enough.

lollylaughs Tue 09-Jul-13 16:11:14

well I didn't hang around to see an end result...

That's my question....why??

Ezio Tue 09-Jul-13 16:15:09

Maybe its a speed test thing, how far they can get before green, almost like the bleep tests we did in PE.

YouTheCat Tue 09-Jul-13 16:15:46

If there is a next time, just waggle your little finger at them. grin

somebloke123 Tue 09-Jul-13 16:16:00

It would be embarrassing to be (ahem) pulled over by the police for erratic driving in such a state.

YouTheCat Tue 09-Jul-13 16:16:28

Also, how can these blokes complain about women putting on their makeup at the wheel! shock

Nottalotta Tue 09-Jul-13 16:16:31

Next time can you just wait and see?

If you see it again make sure they see you squint at them and then laugh

softlysoftly Tue 09-Jul-13 16:16:44

Surely that's dangerous driving? That's grim never seen it!

Samu2 Tue 09-Jul-13 16:18:24

I have never seen it but heard of it many times from people online and friends.

JaffaMyCake Tue 09-Jul-13 16:20:44

What the actual fuck?!

MoodyDidIt Tue 09-Jul-13 16:21:00

omg thats disgusting sad

crazyhamsterdisguisedasahippo Tue 09-Jul-13 16:21:05

shock so blokes actually do this

MalcolmTuckersMum Tue 09-Jul-13 16:22:42

Never seen this - never heard of it and don't know anyone that has! I honestly give thanks daily for the amazing shit you learn on this site smile

Every day is a learning day...

HairyGrotter Tue 09-Jul-13 16:25:31

I've heard of this happening from several people but I've yet to witness the horror. There really is a time and place for a wank and driving isn't one of them! How can they concentrate on either task ha

mignonette Tue 09-Jul-13 16:25:57

I know a psychiatrist that I work with who has the lovely hobby of wanking as he drives along. He's not particularly ashamed of it either.

TheFuzz Tue 09-Jul-13 16:26:54

Never seen it

Preciousbane Tue 09-Jul-13 16:27:34

Surely that's driving without due care and attention?

As a cyclist I see a lot of rubbish driving and have been known to mutter 'wanker' a lot under my breath as cars pass. Who knew? Turns out I was absolutely right!

CrispyHedgeHog Tue 09-Jul-13 16:31:12

haha.. went to open this thread and on the active convo list was as follows

Am I being unreasonable?

Traffic mastubaters


White goods included?

made me grin - or am I the only mucky minded bugger round these parts?

EatingAllTheCrumpets Tue 09-Jul-13 16:53:08

I've seen men do this twice, once I was with my mum and he asked if we wanted a go [shocked] my poor mum was devastated by it
I did see a women in a convertible having a crafty fiddle last summer, I think I was more shocked at that to be honest!

Ezio Tue 09-Jul-13 16:56:02

You gotta wonder, are their sex drives so insane they cant wait?

Oh I've never seen that. It's hilarious. Surely illegal though?

Unless of course young people see it then it's disgusting grin

ImNotBloody14 Tue 09-Jul-13 16:58:07

next time take a photo on your phone and make sure they see you doing it. oh and laugh also. hysterically as if thinking of how much your friends will laugh when they see it.

ImNotBloody14 Tue 09-Jul-13 16:59:29

no actually- don't take a photo. just pretend to. unless you want proof for the police. get their reg number too in that case.

ShatnersBassoon Tue 09-Jul-13 17:03:02

meganorks the exact same thing happened to me. I wonder if we were on the same coach!

Leverette Tue 09-Jul-13 17:12:03

Also saw this from a coach in Paris grin

Would have been around 1988

OTTMummA Tue 09-Jul-13 17:14:36

2 things I have learnt today, babies need wigs and men can multi task grin

HeffalumpTheFlump Tue 09-Jul-13 17:17:52

Anyone seen the video where all the office workers can see a bloke having a wank in his parked car? One of them goes down and stands by the car waving up at his colleagues. The guy realises and drives off. So funny!! At least he was parked up though!

FreudiansSlipper Tue 09-Jul-13 17:19:03

i have walked past parked cars and seen this. i went to an all girls high school quite a few men felt the need to do this

phantomnamechanger Tue 09-Jul-13 17:24:40

surely there comes a point when they are in danger of , erm, losing control of their vehicle ??

<sniggers at own wit>
<apologises and sneaks off>

Ezio Tue 09-Jul-13 17:29:01

Freud, where they parked outside the school perving, thats just sick and creepy.

FreudiansSlipper Tue 09-Jul-13 17:37:21

yes and saw other men walking past who somehow managed to forget to tuck their cock in their trousers hmm it was not an everyday occurrence thankfully. school of a 1000 teenage girls unfortunately attracted many perverts from across south london

one couple parked outside the primary school and had sex (van was rocking...)

Ezio Tue 09-Jul-13 17:40:00

There is something seriously wrong with some people.

I've never seen this.

A coach load of us from school did get mooned by someone (passenger!) in a white van on the motorway though.

imawigglyworm Tue 09-Jul-13 17:48:32

There was a story in the newspaper recently (can't remember if it was local or national) about a bloke who got done for wanking while driving as there was a mother and daughter in the car next to him who took his reg and reported him, but supposingly he had a bladder problem and often has to pee whilst he's driving hmm I'm sure he was let off for it!

FruminousBandersnatch Tue 09-Jul-13 18:00:05

Re: the pervs outside the school. I used to work in an all girls' high school in South Korea and you used to see a lot of wankers loitering outside. They were called 'Burberry men' because of their coats.

It was so normal that it was considered good luck to see a Burberry Man on the day of your exam!

sofadahl Tue 09-Jul-13 18:01:11

I saw a bloke pleasuring himself driving down the motorway.... He was wearing a long skirt too.

McNewPants2013 Tue 09-Jul-13 18:02:22

What the fuck.

I did once see a women giving a blowjob to the male driver on a duel carriageway.

MmeLindor Tue 09-Jul-13 18:06:05

Euuuw. That is disgusting.

We renamed a square in Rome 'Piazza di Wanker' after walking past an alfresco self-pleasurer.

DrHolmes Tue 09-Jul-13 18:24:07

Me, my bf, my cousin (all in back seat) and my parents in front seats were driving into Monaco from Nice and we notice this Ferrari coming up to the left hand side of us going so fast. We all looked in as it passed and here's the guy getting a bj from some blonde. Our car was in silence for the rest of the journey haha! I can't believe he didn't come off the road!

LessMissAbs Tue 09-Jul-13 18:36:05

Yeah, I saw it when I was in a traffic jam on a motorway. It was a van and they opened the side doors and started shouting at me to attract my attention and then hand down the pants, flies opened, etc.. Weird thing was there were three of them in there, although only one of them was "pleasuring" himself.

I purposefully didn't look, but noted down the business details on the van. Turned out they had quite a big HR dept which I spoke to, who took it very seriously and phoned back to say they had denied the masturbating (from their tone they obviously believed me not them) but had admitted smoking in the van which was against company policy, and they were being given a formal warning to go against their records.

Laurier88 Tue 09-Jul-13 18:47:21

I saw this once when I was walking home from school - I was 11. To be fair when the bloke realised I had seen him he looked horrified and drove through a red light to get away. Didn't scar me for life or anything, but my mum did have to have an awkward conversation with me! Wish people who are crackers enough to want to do this would realise that anyone might see them.

KnittedWaffle Tue 09-Jul-13 18:51:35

At a red light?! Can't need very long then!

I remember being subjected to similar on a train. Guy was masturbating behind a broadsheet newspaper on a packed train.
I was still at school so my naivety saved me a little (although that also makes it seem even worse when I look back on it)

TattyDevine Tue 09-Jul-13 18:54:30

This one time at band camp my husband and I, plus children were driving home from McDonalds some eatery. The children had a toy and a part flew off and landed near Mr Devine's feet.

By happenstance we were approaching a roundabout as I leant down to grab it. A "white van man" caught this gesture in his line of vision and gave Mr Devine the thumbs up, to which the bastid he winked knowingly and nodded in agreement.

My sorry head emerged with some crappy plastic and wondered why various husbands were smirking and looking self-congratulatory.


Hmmkay Tue 09-Jul-13 19:19:32

grin tatty

I don't know why but I had to google that you tube video someone mentioned earlier up thread.

It is shock and grin

Disclaimer: Fortunately you can't see any "rude parts"

I had no idea this kind of thing was so prevalent - what strange people!

Ezio Tue 09-Jul-13 19:25:37

I forget how funny that was, just love the guy waving at his mates.

HeffalumpTheFlump Tue 09-Jul-13 19:55:00

Hmmkay that's it!!! Hilarious!!

Hmmkay Tue 09-Jul-13 22:33:11

Haha it is hilarious! And very cringeworthy too grin

Traffic jam.

Fnarr, fnarr!

LouiseSmith Wed 10-Jul-13 12:09:41

WOW! Cant say I have ever heard of that, or thankfully seen it..

Men are awful creatures.

GinOnTwoWheels Wed 10-Jul-13 12:19:01

A couple of years ago a family was killed in a terrible motorway accident near us. It turned out it was the fault of a driver of another car. News reports at the time stated that he was drunk, on his mobile phone and 'performing a sex act on himself' at the time of the accident sad.

That's just grim. I've never come across wanking in traffic, but I did sit next to someone (female) on a long-haul flight once who was having a wank. Economy class, so it wasn't like there was any space between us.

Grim grim grim, especially as I was in the window seat and would have had to climb over her to get out. I was 16 at the time and hugely shy, and seriously couldn't think of what on earth I could say.

Crinkle77 Wed 10-Jul-13 12:44:27

I have never seen this. Are you sure he wasn't just having a good scratch? I am going to have to start paying more attention at the traffic lights.

Theselittlelightsofmine Wed 10-Jul-13 12:53:14

I am never buying a second hand car ever again. confused

GinOnTwoWheels Wed 10-Jul-13 12:55:12

A little too graphic report of the incident I referred to.

FuturePerfect Wed 10-Jul-13 13:01:48

In France, a guy once jumped off his moped and started wanking at me in the street. Kept his helmet on too which made it even weirder.

kerala Wed 10-Jul-13 13:07:14

Nothing surprises me about pervs and France. On a school exchange in St Malo I was flashed at/wanked at 3 TIMES IN AS MANY DAYS! It is a town of utter perverts. I was a geeky 14 year old the time.

lollylaughs Wed 10-Jul-13 13:09:01

No Crinkle it wasn't just a scratch.

At first I thought maybe he was suffering with Parkinsons or something as I noticed as I stopped that his arm was moving, y'know, like a shake. So I'm looking around waiting for lights and the next minute he moved his car closer to mine (I was second in q at lights, he was first but didn't move forward into the gap at front, he just stayed next to me) and so when he moved his car closer to mine, his mirror just about knocked the bottom of my mirror as mine was higher.. He was trying to get my attention I reckon. So I looked and he carried on mid wank and gave me this most awful grinning glare. At that point the lights changed and I whizzed off round the corner. I was so shocked I didn't even think to take his numberplate. I have to add though, that when I was just about around the corner I glanced back to where his car was, and he hadn't moved his car at all, and they were honking him from behind.!!

I phoned dh and he was with all the blokes in the office. They all laughed and the fellas always have a pop at me about it when they see me now. If someone had told me the story, I probably would have thought it funny to, but really I didn't and I was quite upset about it...

Yesterday the guy was unoblivious to anyone around him, I don't think he even saw that I saw.. I was just out of that lane into the other one to get away from him. He was in a Clio so I could see his er crotch area quite clearly shock

JuliaScurr Wed 10-Jul-13 13:10:48

this thread had 69 messages :D

DrDre Wed 10-Jul-13 13:16:11

Didn't someone get prosecuted for this? He caused a fatal crash and it transpired that he was masturbating while he was driving.

chicaguapa Wed 10-Jul-13 13:24:26

I thought this was going to be a thread about people who slow down to look at an accident. blush

There was a lady who was done for this too. She was in the fast lane on the motorway and had apparently had a stressful day.

ClockWatchingLady Wed 10-Jul-13 13:25:16

Ex-BF told me he sometimes did this while driving on the motorway (drove a van so couldn't often be seen). Idiot - he could at least have waited for some traffic lights....

melika Wed 10-Jul-13 13:27:53

omg such wankers!

PerilsAsinger Wed 10-Jul-13 13:30:59

I saw an Arab in full Dishdash expose himself and doing this in his car as I walked past. I was in Dubai so it was pointless even thinking about reporting him - I'd have probably been locked up.

DocMarten Wed 10-Jul-13 13:32:26

From henceforth they shall be referred to as

Trankers as in Traffic Wankers grin

myfirstkitchen Wed 10-Jul-13 13:34:50

It's gross. I've seen this. The bloke had a baby seat and baby toys all over the back seat.

DocMarten Wed 10-Jul-13 13:43:27

Just showing my friend this thread and she said she saw a man and woman having a trank from a bus she was on. Eeeewwwww

Obv more common than we think.

fuzzpig Wed 10-Jul-13 13:51:35

This brings a whole new perspective to the sponsored discussion thread "Let Barclays know how you make the most of an unexpected 5 minutes downtime out of the house" grin

FloweryOwl Wed 10-Jul-13 13:59:35

During a charity walk in Spain me and two friends ended up at the back. We noticed a man following us in a car very slowly, then he drove off ahead.
Once we got further down the road we saw him again with his door open, pants down, playing with himself while we walked past. He just stared at us!

Another time I was walking home from MIL's when a car pulled up next to me and the man inside was having a play. His window was open, he said something that I didn't hear and then drove off! I went back to my MIL's and got a lift.

QOD Wed 10-Jul-13 14:07:48

My sis and I were sitting together in Florida on a coach aged 17 and 19 with mum and dad row behind.
Naked man driving alongside sis and I wanking, oh we did laugh, oh mum did shout oh dad was mortified grin
Due to our age, it amused us rather, if we were 7 and9? Not funny

lollylaughs Wed 10-Jul-13 14:12:41


Trankers it is grin

Raum Wed 10-Jul-13 14:21:05

I really can't understand this,as a bloke I like somewhere nice and relaxing to batter the bishop, not in public whilst driving a 1 tonne vehicle at high speed or sat in traffic. Just doesn't make any sense.

I like the Trankers title though, seems appropriate!

Peetle Wed 10-Jul-13 14:36:00

A friend of mine's brother used to be an HGV driver. Being high up and spending a lot of time on motorways he said he was always seeing drivers pleasuring themselves - men and women.

I don't know, I worry about loosing concentration when I sneeze behind the wheel...

JakeBullet Wed 10-Jul-13 14:41:19

Loving "Trankers" grin

Been fortunate enough to never witness this but if I do then I shall know how to refer to their activities if I report to the police.

.....just to see the expression on the poor unfortunate officer's face.

"What do you mean you've never heard of tranking? Have you not heard of Mumsnet"?

HaveTeaWillSurvive Wed 10-Jul-13 14:55:16

Oh my god this just reminded me of one day when I was on a bus popping home in my lunch hour, and was idly looking down at the middle aged man in the v suburban car next to me whilst we were at the lights. He was dressed in a shirt and tie and leaned down and picked up a file from footwell of car, flicked through some paper / number work type sheets to some gay porn images shock

The bus sat there just long enough for me to be certain of what I saw before the bus drove off. I thought I was pretty unshockable but my face must have been a picture! Had totally forgotten about it till now, epic suppression capabilities my mind.

Ezio Wed 10-Jul-13 15:00:30

Haha Trankers, i loves it.

Do these Trankers have really high sex drives or just really perverted, i go for..........yeah Perverted, gotta be perverted.

fuzzpig Wed 10-Jul-13 15:17:00

HaveTea, when you say 'shirt and tie', do you mean like a suit or literally just a shirt and tie grin

4athomeand1cooking Wed 10-Jul-13 15:21:21

Explains the tissues on the dashboard!

HaveTeaWillSurvive Wed 10-Jul-13 15:47:12

Ha ha no thankfully he had trousers on! grin

Just kept thinking he looked so average, like he'd be your friends dad - eeww

Ezio Wed 10-Jul-13 15:54:11

Explains the tissues on the dashboard!

Damn right!!!

fuzzpig Wed 10-Jul-13 16:17:55

HaveTea, thanks for clearing that up much like he did with the tissues grin

DocMarten Wed 10-Jul-13 17:44:30

jake grin

twistyfeet Wed 10-Jul-13 17:55:38

blimey, I shall be avoiding motorways!

GameSetAndMatch Wed 10-Jul-13 18:10:07

guy on bus today doing that. we had to get bus and sit near the back. me and a child. no one dared say anthing to him. saw out of corner of my eye, heard someone whispering to her friend, behind us thats exzactly what he was doing.

told bus driver as we got off (!) bus. dont know what happened after that.

what is it with guys playing with themselves in public?

I am on a really long coach journey at the mo but I now have a new activity to keep me amused. Tranker spotting!
Nothing so far, I shall keep you posted!

KitCat26 Wed 10-Jul-13 18:33:21

I was about 14 and walking past the local primary. There was a man in a van having a wank. I did report it, through my school, which was next door, but I was too shocked to get any details.

It was very blush having to describe to the headmaster what the pervert was doing.

MegaClutterSlut Wed 10-Jul-13 18:55:51

My DH's mate often goes to the toilet at work and has a wank. Why can't they wait until they get home? confused

melika Thu 11-Jul-13 12:37:35

There must be a bye law against it??

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