to want to push this performance parent off the train?

(122 Posts)
K8Middleton Tue 09-Jul-13 13:39:42

I'm on the London to Brighton train. There is a man with a four year old boy loudly performance parenting. The kid wants to just look out the window but every time he just sits quietly performance dad starts with Tim [not his real name], can you see the children? Tim, let's count to 40! Tiiiiiiim, where is the window? Is it on the left or right? Tiiiiiiiiim, when you go to school what month with it be?

AIBU to shove him out the window?

ImTooHecsyForYourParty Tue 09-Jul-13 13:40:26

Make a call. Talk loudly about performance parenting.

grin

YoniWheretheSunDontShine Tue 09-Jul-13 13:41:36

No, the boy may have SP and his parents may be trying to simply engage him with the world around him.

You have to work extra hard with some people on the autism range, and when out and about is a perfect time to do it.

I would happily give you a nice shove off the train......smile

Amrapaali Tue 09-Jul-13 13:41:56

Sit back and enjoy the performance. You'll get tips on how NOT to parent.

Very useful, IMO

Turniptwirl Tue 09-Jul-13 13:42:31

It's not unreasonable to performance parent that's his choice

It is unreasonable to share that choice with everyone in the vicinity!

Agree with PP for your revenge

1Veryhungrycaterpillar Tue 09-Jul-13 13:43:24

Next time take ear phones!

ImTooHecsyForYourParty Tue 09-Jul-13 13:44:34

As the mother of two on the autistic spectrum I say let them look out the bloody window if they want to! grin

pianodoodle Tue 09-Jul-13 13:44:54

Maybe Tim will push him smile

K8Middleton Tue 09-Jul-13 13:45:21

I can safely say the child does not have SP or other SEN

Corkyandviolet Tue 09-Jul-13 13:47:16

I hope you're not still in London, this could be a very long journey! I used to get stuck with trainspotters on the Cologne to Brussels train, it was infuriating! "Is that a 51342?" "Yes, but we've seen that one before. Let's note it down anyway." And yes, they really do bring cheese sandwiches with them!

Tiggles Tue 09-Jul-13 13:51:37

Can you performance parent child back.
I was on a train once when DS2 must have been about 2 years old, not performance parenting in anyway. When the family next to me were playing I spy. The mother decided that DS2 should be able to play I spy with her children. "Surely DS2 you must be able to play I spy by now". I could have cheerfully pushed her off the train.

Maybe you could do similar for this DS, ask him some really hard questions, way over his ability, and look surprised to the dad when child looks blank.

SelfRighteousPrissyPants Tue 09-Jul-13 13:52:35

The performance parenting I saw last week on the train was funnier. Dad making pretend farting noises and blaming daughter grin

Sparklingbrook Tue 09-Jul-13 13:55:03

Hecsy my friend's DS is autistic and she would be overjoyed if he spent a train journey looking out of the window. sad

K8Middleton Tue 09-Jul-13 13:56:10

I had taken action. I have passed a sleeping infant to PP and said "You'll need to be quiet now".

"Yes" replies pp. "I've told Tim to be quiet" shock

"No, I meant you" I said.

Peace is restored.

StillInBigKnickers Tue 09-Jul-13 13:56:14

Better than 'shut up you little shit' - heard on a bus last week.
(child showing parent where their friend lived out the window. 6y/old ish? Ignored repeatedly, then the above). sad

LEMisdisappointed Tue 09-Jul-13 14:09:53

Brilliant!!!

YoniWheretheSunDontShine Tue 09-Jul-13 14:11:43

This could be the only moment he has with the DC, I cant think of a more perfect time to engage with them.

Autism comes in many different forms, my cousins DS was spotted as having it at two/three ish Gm flagged it up as he wasnt pointing at things or noticing.

They hired a permanent person - to accompany them as they travelled round the world to engage with him.

Maryann1975 Tue 09-Jul-13 14:15:12

Poor child though. It's a boiling hot day, all they want to do is watch the world go by and their interfering parent keeps disturbing them. If it were me, I would be glad for the peace and quiet!

NigelMolesworth Tue 09-Jul-13 14:17:52

grin

ImaHexGirl Tue 09-Jul-13 14:21:01

OP, is it your DH that is guilty of being the PP? grin

Still, that is so sad sad

DameFanny Tue 09-Jul-13 14:22:17

I was going to suggest asking Tim if he wanted a fruit shoot till I saw your update grin

notsochic Tue 09-Jul-13 14:32:13

grin

ViviPru Tue 09-Jul-13 14:41:03

LTB

grin

OrangeLily Tue 09-Jul-13 14:54:18

haha is it your DH/DP that is the performance parent? Poor you!

ginslinger Tue 09-Jul-13 14:58:14

grin i wonder how many people will come along now to tell you how mean you're being!

K8Middleton Tue 09-Jul-13 15:16:40

Yea sadly I am married to said Performance Parent. I may ltb but we'll see if he redeems himself at the seaside.

LaGuardia Tue 09-Jul-13 15:18:08

At no point has the OP stated that the child of the PP has autism. Why oh why do MN threads always descend into a SEN bunfight?

K8Middleton Tue 09-Jul-13 15:20:26

Dh has no sen either btw. He is just a bit enthusiastic.

theodorakisses Tue 09-Jul-13 15:21:31

YANBU. Do it, husband or not.

Emilythornesbff Tue 09-Jul-13 15:21:32

Wtf is "performance parenting" and why do so many ppl give a shit about being able to overhear a person talking to their child?
YAbu
Chill out

theodorakisses Tue 09-Jul-13 15:22:34

Emily, they are not talking to their child, they are talking to the rest of the train.

humdumaggapang Tue 09-Jul-13 15:23:15

Better a PP than a disinterested fuckwit.

towerofjelly Tue 09-Jul-13 15:26:33

Bless him but yes married to him or not push him off ( maybe wait until the trains slows a tad he is family after all)

Well you can't shove him out of the window now, or sleeping infant will go too.

Is "Tim" breathing a sigh of relief?

Fluffycloudland77 Tue 09-Jul-13 15:27:06

Love it.

Yanbu! Show him this thread, so he gets an idea of what the world really thinks about performance parenting grin

OR start being a performance wife.

Darling, when is our anniversary? That's right, aren't you clever?! It's the 23rd, that's correct darling! Darling what do we do when we visit the toilet, that's right, we lift the lid, don't we darling? It's polite to lift the lid isn't it darling.

Emilythornesbff Tue 09-Jul-13 15:28:11

Meh.
Don't care.
Good for him.
Most ppl are different with kids than with adults.

Or should he just be reading the times and sharing the crossword with him?

Emilythornesbff Tue 09-Jul-13 15:29:55

Oh I see.
[slaps own forehead]

I think lots off ppl are like that.
Don't feel embarrassed. It wouldn't bother me.

exoticfruits Tue 09-Jul-13 15:33:48

I never understand why people can't tell the difference between engaging your child in conversation and performance parenting.

I would like to know from OP whether Tim responded to any of it?

Ha! Good one! grin

YouTheCat Tue 09-Jul-13 16:06:43

Excellent OP.

Glad you got the silly sod to shush and 'Tim' got some peace to look out of the window. grin

Wildfig Tue 09-Jul-13 17:39:35

Where is your recorder? Now would be a good moment for a little light Greensleeves.

BratinghamPalace Tue 09-Jul-13 17:47:44

I saw a woman do that once, non stop chatter to the child. Drove me mad, everyone else mad and so on. A few months later, much to my dread there she was at a party. Turns out she had adopted the little girl from Eastern Europe. The child had no linguistic skills and the docs did not know if there was permanent damage due to diet, emotionally restricted first 18 months ect. So she was told to chat non stop, engage her non stop ect. She did and the little girl is a fab 6 years old who talks up a storm!

JollyShortGiant Tue 09-Jul-13 17:55:40

Hahahhaha! Genius OP!

Please do what Kirjava suggested! smile

K8Middleton Tue 09-Jul-13 18:40:26

We are now on the way back. Dh/PP started with the "Tiiiiiiiiim" stuff, then checked himself, realised Tim was sitting nicely and quietly and said "Actually, he's fine isn't he?".

Phew. I was beginning to think I may never be able to go out en famille again.

JamieandtheMagicTorch Tue 09-Jul-13 18:44:17

Let the poor little bleeder look out the window in peace

If he then initiates a conversation, respond accordingly.

BeaLola Tue 09-Jul-13 18:57:07

I had a PP at a wedding the other week that I went to on my own (DH at another family thing with DS) .

PP to child: How many dinosaurs can we count Ben?
Ben: no answer, then "12"
PP: tell the nice lady (apparently that was me !) how many dinosaurs you can count .
Ben: 12
PP: tell the nice lady the names of the dinosaurs
Ben: went through list from TRex onwards - I'm slightly ashamed to say I wasn't really listening a 100% so no idea if he made it to 12 types
PP to nice lady: isn't he clever ? before I can even utter "umm" he then says "Ben why don't you tell the nice lady all the French words you know .

Nice Lady: Ben do you know the word for wine ? Can you pass that lovely bottle now please, Merci !

Emilythornesbff Tue 09-Jul-13 19:50:43

Ok. I concede that getting dc to perform at any and every opportunity isn't great.
And it's nice to look out the window in peace.

exoticfruits Tue 09-Jul-13 20:48:16

Children are people. If you hate being addressed as if you are a public meeting then you can bet they do too.

onestonedown Tue 09-Jul-13 21:34:40

haa haa great thread but I have to throw this one in the pot - we were at the Build-a-bear workshop last week and they have to kiss the heart and make a wish.

had me and DH sniggering for hours as the parents behind us said "make a wish, gemma" and she said "ummmm maybe a new bike" "oh no gemma you should wish for world peace"... pause.. "ummm OK dad, I wish or world peace" "Oh theres a good girl gemma, well done you" "OH ISN:T SHE WONDERFUL WISHING FOR WORLD PEACE"

My DH was beside himself I had to stop him form saying "actually your 4 year old wanted to wish for a bike!!"

MamaBear17 Tue 09-Jul-13 21:45:41

I'm the type of parent who will engage my kid in conversation during mundane activities. Partly because if I engage her in an activity there is a good chance she will stay seated and not disrupt other people. Partly because she is my kid, I work full time and I try and make the most of our time together. It really is a performance, but for my kid, not for anyone else (and I am quiet enough so as not to annoy anyone else). Better than sitting on Facebook and ignoring her.

exoticfruits Tue 09-Jul-13 22:20:42

Engaging your child in conversation is quite different- it assumes waiting for some sort of response from the child.

hazeyjane Tue 09-Jul-13 22:26:13

Um, unless the child is unable to respond, Exotic (obviously not wanting to start a 'sen bunfight'!)

Yes, yes I realise that the op was talking about her own dh, but I just don't get how I have managed to avoid ever seeing anyone doing this 'performance parenting'.

exoticfruits Tue 09-Jul-13 22:40:56

I was talking to an 8 month baby today. You need to give pauses- they may not speak but they do respond. If you always address them like a public meeting they get used to your voice and it just flows over them- the parent answers their own questions and steam rollers on and when they can talk they don't understand they need to take part!
You are jolly lucky if you have avoided it- although I will amend that - it is actually very funny! ( if you are just a bystander)

YouTheCat Tue 09-Jul-13 22:42:29

I think the one with the mum loudly encouraging her ds to speak French is hilarious. grin

I had years of chatting to ds and getting no response. I still get no response and he's 18 now. But seriously there is a wealth of difference between trying to get a 4 year old to say 'Mum' and getting your child to give a loud rendition of all the dinosaurs they know.

exoticfruits Tue 09-Jul-13 22:48:08

If you haven't heard it, hazeyjane, I would recommend Waitrose. It is really anywhere the parent wants to show off their DCs superior knowledge. Unfortunately it is generally one sided.

BlackeyedSusan Tue 09-Jul-13 22:52:57

fabulous. glad you got him to shut up

pigletmania Tue 09-Jul-13 23:00:21

Dd is autistic, if she is quiet and looking out the window than leave her too it. Sometimes Chidren just wnt to be leftalone and not have constant interaction

thebody Tue 09-Jul-13 23:04:49

Dd on train journey to London aged 11.. We were playing cards, she went to the loo and on return said loudly 'deal me in mom' loud and brummie..

Proud I am.

ZingWidge Tue 09-Jul-13 23:25:32

grin @ you should wish for world peace

Hahaha!!!

McGeeDiNozzo Wed 10-Jul-13 04:10:49

Yeah, as a 'neurologically odd' kid myself, if my parents tried any of that talkative, constant-intervention stuff with me I'd have bawled them out and demanded to be given a book about the Kings and Queens of England so I could make a list of all their birth and death dates.

That said, incidents like these are wonderful times to people-watch. Nothing better than something actually happening on a train.

hazeyjane Wed 10-Jul-13 05:55:06

I end up in Waitrose nearly every day, still yet to see anything like the stuff described on these threads. I hear people talking, sometimes loudly to their children about all sorts of stuff, but I have just never heard anyone do anything like the, 'wish for world peace' thing.

I understand how to talk to a child leaving a pause for response, but sometimes a running commentary is a good distraction, maybe it's like having a radio on in the background. I guess as well, it might seem as though I'm not leaving a pause for response because ds is signing.

I know that there is always an eyeroll on these theads when someone brings up their childs sn (unless you are saying, well I have a child with sn and never do it....) but I bring it up because I know people seeing me out with ds might well think I am one of these 'dreadful performance parents', but like mamabear said, the performance is really for him.

exoticfruits Wed 10-Jul-13 06:00:47

It is perfectly possible hazeyjane to do all that without drawing attention to yourself- I don't expect that you are doing it loudly to impress all passers by - that is the difference.

HoratiaNelson Wed 10-Jul-13 06:50:02

So now actually engaging with one's children in a public place is outlawed by MN because someone might overhear and be irritated, sigh...

ImTooHecsyForYourParty Wed 10-Jul-13 07:03:19

That's not what it is.

Engaging with your child is fine. It's great.

Talking at your child in a pretentious way while looking round constantly to see who might be observing you and be Impressed is pathetic.

Big big difference between actually interacting with your child and using them for show.

You can tell the difference because a parent interacting with their child will be interacting with their child. A performance parent will be loudly interacting with their child and looking at you to make sure you're attentive.

exoticfruits Wed 10-Jul-13 07:06:25

I can't understand why people can't tell the simple difference between engaging with your children in a public place and performance parenting.
The first is of no interest to others - the second could be used by stand up comics to give us all a laugh!

hazeyjane Wed 10-Jul-13 07:06:29

That is what I have never seen, though. Maybe I am completely blinkered to it, or I am too busy talking loudly to my own children about kumquats and French philosophy, but honestly I have never seen anyone doing the 'talk, look around to see if anyone is looking impressed' thing.

exoticfruits Wed 10-Jul-13 07:07:48

We need LeQueen- she does a wonderful take off for those who can't tell the difference. grin

exoticfruits Wed 10-Jul-13 07:08:43

You are just missing a lot of fun hazeyjane and are not in the right place at the right time.

ImTooHecsyForYourParty Wed 10-Jul-13 07:10:16

Then you've never seen performance parenting grin.

The thing that separates it from just plain talking to your kids is that they can't stop looking to see if you're impressed. If you'd ever seen it - you'd know.

I go round shops prompting my teenagers. If you buy this and this how much will it be, how much change will you have, which X is better... They have autism and I am teaching them life skills. I'm not performing.

If I was doing that in a stage whisper while repeatedly checking to see if the woman by the eggs had noticed - I would be. grin

exoticfruits Wed 10-Jul-13 07:18:40

I always used the supermarket with mine to count carrots etc- no one would have known- they were actually counting them too. I have never heard the poor child get a word in edgeways with the performance parent- if she has said they will count she then proceeds to do it for them!

HenWithAttitude Wed 10-Jul-13 07:26:18

I have travelled on trains with people engaging brilliantly and quietly with their DC.

Performance parenting is the equivalent of talking really loudly on the phone.

Not everyone wants to share your conversations and children do not need to be spoken to as if you are the teacher in front of 30 children....

I think the funniest bit is people indignantly leaping to the PPs defence not realising it was OP's DH

FamiliesShareGerms Wed 10-Jul-13 07:36:14

I've never seen performance parenting in full flow either - shame, as it sounds fun

Emilythornesbff Wed 10-Jul-13 08:02:15

But I think lots of people talk to their children in a "jollying along" way and I don't have a problem with it. I'd doesn't mean they don't leave pauses or neve allow quiet. It's like hazey says, like a distraction for them.

Emilythornesbff Wed 10-Jul-13 08:05:41

I think there's a lot of criticism I general of parents and their "styles"
I used to reassure ppl that others won't be judging them for their personal differences.
Since finding aibu I know that not to be the case.
<stands corrected>

rockybalboa Wed 10-Jul-13 08:15:44

Ha, snort to the PP being your DP!! Nice work with the sleeping infant!

Emilythornesbff Wed 10-Jul-13 08:48:46

<tries to retrieve sense of humour>

YouTheCat Wed 10-Jul-13 10:22:16

But I will judge.

I will judge the parent who swears and shouts at their children in the street as being crap. It's kind of like PP for chavs.

I will judge the parent who says 'now in French' to their 2 year old, loudly, and whilst looking at me and not the child. They are pretentious knobs.

I won't judge someone merely engaging and chatting to their child.

schoolgovernor Wed 10-Jul-13 10:51:47

Can't help wondering if some people have read the thread...

Emilythornesbff Wed 10-Jul-13 10:54:44

Yes I get that youthecat

But much judging goes on even without the extremes you describe.
I think it's unnecessary, unkind and a distraction from getting on with one's own parenting.

theodorakisses Wed 10-Jul-13 10:55:16

I hope I don't offend but, whilst really mean and meant lightheartedly, loved the comment my mum made after a visit from a particularly unbearable father who loudly proclaimed over a (beautiful) 3 month old for 6 hours over lunch and then told us that "freddie" had told him that he wanted us to bite his little bum when his dirty nappy was being changed. She said "I don't know why he didn't just slap his testes on the table and have done with it"

YouTheCat Wed 10-Jul-13 10:57:44

Emily, most people don't judge. I judge the extremes. Most people are too wrapped up in their own thoughts to even look at what other people are doing.

Lmao @ Theodora's mum. grin

JuliaScurr Wed 10-Jul-13 11:02:10

stillin that really upset me
the poor little child

Emilythornesbff Wed 10-Jul-13 11:15:17

And I know it's a bit OT.
But a bit of understanding wouldn't go amiss.
Sometimes if a parent is swearing or shoutng they'rer likely to be very stressed and upset and maybe don't have the skills at hand to manage the situation calmly. I know it's upsetting to see but dismissing someone as a chav is hurtful and divisive and certain,y doesn't help the child.
Ok, ok. I'll go and Finish my ironing and polish my girl scout buckle now. blush

TigerFeet Wed 10-Jul-13 11:25:35

Performance parenting bothers me because it isn't about the child.

Parent and child discussing things, child may be bright/vocal etc, parent encouraging... fine... the child is getting something out of it. This could be dd2 and me.

Parent talking at the child when the child clearly isn't interested and wants a bit of time to let the world go by... not fine. Children have as much right to sit quietly on a train and look out the window as adults do.

YouTheCat Wed 10-Jul-13 11:28:28

Ok - example. Woman on bus loudly admonishing child to 'sit the fuck down', whilst looking around the bus in a 'come and challenge me' way. What is wrong with asking and saying please? It isn't rocket science. That's not about lacking the skills. She wasn't at the end of her tether.

littlepeas Wed 10-Jul-13 11:40:46

I accident did some performance parenting yesterday. Was getting dd (3) dresses for ballet (at ballet) and she started pointing to butterflies on a newby baby's carseat and saying 'papillon'. She is learning French at pre-school. I was actually a bit mortified, but the more I tried to dumb it down, the worse I sounded! 'Well done sweetie! Papillon is the French word for butterfly, isn't it dd? In English we say butterfly.' Cringe! I am not a showy off sort if parent at all. I have also sent her to French today with a copy if Les Miserables (book) as it was the only French thing I could find in the house this morning when she informed me she needed to take something in! Saw much less pretentious lavender in garden when it was too late. Really want to email the French teacher and tell her I am not a ridiculous, pushy parent who sends 3 tear old to pre-school with copy of enormous, difficult book (which I haven't read).

littlepeas Wed 10-Jul-13 11:41:20

*accidently

littlepeas Wed 10-Jul-13 11:41:43

*dressed!

littlepeas Wed 10-Jul-13 11:42:44

Loads more typos! I give up!

Emilythornesbff Wed 10-Jul-13 11:48:30

I know youthecat
I hear you.
But I stand by what I say about some situations.

DoubleLifeIsALifeHalved Wed 10-Jul-13 11:49:25

I thought for a moment that you'd handed your baby to a complete stranger in an attempt to shut him up smile Extreme measures..,

PrincessScrumpy Wed 10-Jul-13 13:21:09

Puzzled, shouldn't we be happy parent is talking to their child? And how on earth can you tell child isn't sen? Hmmm. Having said that I hate having to listen to other people's conversations (unless they're juicy or hideously idiotic which is just entertaining) so I'd take head phones.

PrincessScrumpy Wed 10-Jul-13 13:25:53

Hang on, so it's wrong to encourage a child who is learning French to see a butterfly and speak French? I do talk to my child life this and explain everything - it's not about what people around me think is about the fact children are sponges and take in everything so why not make the most of it. If others judge me (and this thread suggests they do) then good for them, dd is performing well at school and we are a high achieving family... Guess it works for us.

Sparklingbrook Wed 10-Jul-13 13:28:02

Princess have you read the whole thread?

PrincessScrumpy Wed 10-Jul-13 14:18:45

No, i'm sure there are sensible comments too, just had a quick scan and a few comments caught my eye. Supposed to be working but keep getting distracted.

EDMNWiganSalfordandBlackpool Wed 10-Jul-13 15:01:03

"K8Middleton Tue 09-Jul-13 13:45:21

I can safely say the child does not have SP or other SEN"

Was going to come all angry and moan how could you possibly know the child has no sen, invisible blah de blah

Realises its your dh......

Sparklingbrook Wed 10-Jul-13 15:07:45

If you get chance to read it Princess it makes more sense.

EDMNWiganSalfordandBlackpool Wed 10-Jul-13 15:16:05

Princess the OP is talking about HER DH to save you reading it all. grin

littlepeas Wed 10-Jul-13 15:55:29

Of course I was encouraging my dd, but it was in front of lots of people and I felt like I was showing off, which is why I felt self conscious! I could well imagine someone thinking I was performance parenting! I killed the thread anyway.

theodorakisses Wed 10-Jul-13 19:09:39

We all show off a bit, it doesn't make us assholes. I am worse with animals than kids. Have fostered loads and my FB is tedious.

YouTheCat Wed 10-Jul-13 19:21:21

I'm terrible with cats. I think I PMCL (performance mad cat lady) - even if they aren't mine and I've just encountered them on the street. grin

Pixel Wed 10-Jul-13 19:36:56

A few, years ago we were camping and there were a couple of families camping together a little way from us. There was lots of pp going on (all kids had names like Willow and Adonis) which after a while got dd and I sniggering as the comments got more ridiculous (to us anyway, in silly mood). By the evening they were doing some kind of quiz game in a very loud show-offy way so the whole site could hear when actually we'd all have preferred some peace thanks very much, then it went quiet and there was some discussion about little Alexander-the-great using the camera. We were inside our tent by this time and I whispered to dd that they were probably making a human pyramid, in an attempt at sarcastic humour, and guess what? They were!
How's that for performance? grin

PrincessScrumpy Wed 10-Jul-13 21:33:26

Thanks for the catch upsmile

ArtemisatBrauron Wed 10-Jul-13 21:56:55

haha I went to an exhibition in the British Museum a few weeks ago and encountered the most extreme version of this I have ever seen. A mother with a baby about 18 months old, droning on and on to the poor thing "Look, Sebastian, how many tiles are there in that mosaic?"
Baby: "Gaaaaa"
Mum: "Yes, 1,376! Good Boy!! Look - what animal is that in the fresco?"
Baby: drools and looks away
Mum:"Yes, it's a purple-footed swamp hen! WOW! And how many rings does that cast of a dead woman have on?"
Baby: chews own hand
Mum: "THREE! YES! Good BOY!

Embracethemuffintop Wed 10-Jul-13 22:09:31

Im sure people must of thought this of me when my son had speech delay. I was advised to talk non-stop to him about everything and I did. It was a habit that has been difficult to break after he caught up. He's 11 now and I catch myself still doing it and sometimes he'll be like, 'you can stop narrating now mum'.

I know this situation is different, but I must of looked like a PP for many years even though I wasn't

ZingWidge Wed 10-Jul-13 22:18:52

artemisa grin grin grin

but you see how you remembered all those details?
so it was useful after all.wink

hazeyjane Wed 10-Jul-13 22:34:02

It is a strange thing as well, if a child is completely non verbal, for example, I can't imagine ds ever talking, we still chat - as in I talk and he signs and makes an 'uh' noise, but obviously there are no actual words and ds's world of interest is very small. I think sometimes I might overcompensate, because it would be easy to just stop talking altogether, or to just limit what I talk about to helicopters, fire engines and cake.

hazeyjane Wed 10-Jul-13 22:36:35

Ok have just read your 'extreme perfomance parenting' example, Artemisa and think that it just sounds normal, so clearly I am a performance parent, and that is why I have never seen anyone doing it.

ArtemisatBrauron Wed 10-Jul-13 22:39:29

haha hazey grin were you at the Life and Death in Pompeii exhibition recently?!

I think that conversation would be normal with an engaged 5 year old who actually knew what was going on but it was bizarre watching the mum talk at the baby like that, and claiming he was responding when half the time he was looking longingly over her shoulder at something else!!

ArtemisatBrauron Wed 10-Jul-13 22:40:42

Also different if there are SEN/other issues and the child can't respond but this was such a young baby that I am not convinced there was anything going on apart from mychildisageniusitis...

Ok I need to be less judgemental.

K8Middleton Wed 10-Jul-13 23:50:09

Haha at "world peace" grin Poor kid. Can you imagine the child's Christmas List?

Dolls' House
Bike
Ballet lessons
Pony

Helping out in a hostel soup kitchen
World peace
Contribution to poor kid's gap year fund to build schools in The Developing World
Oxfam goat

McGeeDiNozzo Thu 11-Jul-13 05:14:11

More straw men in this thread than the entire DVD box set of Worzel Gummidge!

No-one is suggesting that talking to your child in public, in general, is bad.

ImTooHecsyForYourParty Thu 11-Jul-13 06:30:51

Absolutely, McG!

you can talk to your kid in Latin at 3 days old if you want to. If you do it while scanning to make sure you have an audience/because (be honest) you're playing to the crowd and you don't interact with the child in this way if there's nobody else around to see it - you're a performance parent!

If the person who has your attention and focus is the child and no part of you is attempting in any way to get any sort of response or thought or opinion or attention from anyone around you and you are doing nothing that you don't do when you're somewhere there is not another living soul for miles - you aren't.

Trying to make people look is performance parenting. Thinking that you are impressing passers by is performance parenting. Looking for that eye contact so that you can smile and they will know how advanced your child is is performance parenting.

I don't understand why there's confusion between the two.

exoticfruits Thu 11-Jul-13 07:24:46

Well summed up, ImTooHecsy- I can never understand why people don't understand the difference.
Any thread about performance parenting gets people huffily saying that of course you should engage with your children or they have DCs with SEN and have been told to talk- that is not what we are discussing! You are not performance parenting!
They should not be confused.

ArtemisatBrauron Thu 11-Jul-13 07:43:08

hescy hat is off, bowing to your superior summing up skills!! The BM woman was scanning the room smugly after each utterance, lasering in on people whose children were playing/running around and curling her lip as if to say "MY 1.5 year old is enjoying the exhibition!"

ZingWidge Thu 11-Jul-13 08:02:04

hecsy good post.

I would even say it's just plain showing off.

K8Middleton Thu 11-Jul-13 08:41:06

Art at "more straw men than Worzel Gummidge" grin

Quite.

YouTheCat Thu 11-Jul-13 09:31:54

Exactly Hecsy. Round this way you get the anti PP people though. They aren't showing how clever their child is and looking for an audience. They are calling their kids little shits and looking for someone to challenge them to start a fight.

Some lovely sorts round here. hmm

My DP is a performance parent... He sings in taxis. hmm I have actually heard a taxi driver turn the radio on and up after he started singing "heads, shoulders, knees and toes" for about the 4th time in 10 minutes.

You have my sympathies!

Join the discussion

Join the discussion

Registering is free, easy, and means you can join in the discussion, get discounts, win prizes and lots more.

Register now