aibu to not want to sit in a tent to bf my baby at kiddicare?

(126 Posts)
inneedofsomehelpplz Sun 07-Jul-13 10:50:44

went to kiddicare with my dh & dc & had lunch whilst we were there, baby woke up so i bf her in the main restaraunt area and male member of staff came over to tell me that bfing tent was open & could i feed in there? this meant leaving my lunch & my family for 30 mins so i refused. i am very descret & habe nothing on show. aibu?

IvanaCake Sun 07-Jul-13 10:54:21

No Yanbu at all!! Well done for refusing.

Pimpf Sun 07-Jul-13 10:56:23

Am amazed that this was in kiddicare.

Yanbu and I would have complained.

I know there are some mother who do feel uncomfortable bf in public, so I like that they do provide a tent for that reason, but to ask you to move there, disgusting

TheDeadlyDonkey Sun 07-Jul-13 10:58:14


I would probably send a letter to head office suggesting that at the store you went to, the staff need training wrt breastfeeding.
The law states that you can feed your baby wherever you want.

Lj8893 Sun 07-Jul-13 11:00:09

That is awful!!! Yes i agree that you should write a letter of complaint to head office.

Abra1d Sun 07-Jul-13 11:01:41


CloudsAndTrees Sun 07-Jul-13 11:04:08

It depends how it was worded. If you were told you had to feed in the tent, then YANBU.

If you were offered the use of the tent by someone who thought you might appreciate it, then I don't see the problem.

What was the response when you said no?

kali110 Sun 07-Jul-13 11:04:56

So the employee gets in trouble?it doesn't sound like he was rude by what you've said. He had been rude and asked you to move but it sounds like he didn't, just was telling you? Maybe he thought he was doing you a favour incase you had wanted to go in there

KobayashiMaru Sun 07-Jul-13 11:05:06

Why complain? They were offering you a service, not ordering you to cover your shame.

pigletmania Sun 07-Jul-13 11:06:38

I agree with clouds, it depends ho it was worded. If he said that you had to use the tent than yanbu. It does not sound like you had to use it as you carried on bf and he made no further comment

They'll just say they were offering in case you weren't aware that somewhere private was available for breastfeeding, for your 'comfort'.

I had a similar experience in a Tesco cafe and was promptly informed of a breastfeeding room they had just off the toilets. I got a bit annoyed and they apologised, saying the above. Then they left me alone.

TNETENNBA Sun 07-Jul-13 11:08:15

If he was offering the tent to you as an option then there was nothing wrong with what he did at all. Some people welcome having somewhere quiet to breastfeed that's not a toilet

If he was insisting you had to breast feed in the tent and nowhere else then he was clearly being unreasonable.

I can't tell from your post if it was a case of you being easily offended or whether he was being out of order. Can you clarify?

Lj8893 Sun 07-Jul-13 11:11:32

The OP said that the employee said "the bf tent was open and COULD she feed in there"

That doesn't sound an offer of service to me.

It was still wrong of him even if he was just offering OP the option of the tent. That sends the clear message that she is doing something that shouldn't be seen in public. Clearly she was fine bfing where she was, as she was already doing it and hadn't asked him if there was anywhere else to bf.

Elquota Sun 07-Jul-13 11:21:57

YANBU. If you're having a family lunch why shouldn't you all stay together and baby have lunch with you?

Pozzled Sun 07-Jul-13 11:27:03

If they were just offering the use of the bf tent, I'd expect the staff member to say something like 'if you'd like' or 'if you prefer'. It sounds like they wanted you to move, and that is illegal and discriminatory. I'd be interested to know how they reacted when you declined the offer.

maddening Sun 07-Jul-13 11:29:48

If they offered it in case you weren't aware it was there and you might want to use it then yabu - it's nice that places offer alternatives for bf women.

If they tried to insist that you move there and were not welcome to bf in the restaurant then yanbu.

Elquota Sun 07-Jul-13 11:29:58

I don't think they need even to "offer" the tent as an option. If someone's clearly breastfeeding happily then just leave them to it. Women can always ask if they're looking for a dedicated feeding area.

TidyDancer Sun 07-Jul-13 11:31:54

I think the OP needs to give a bit more info.

I have a hunch it wasn't quite as directive as some are thinking.

catgirl1976 Sun 07-Jul-13 11:32:23


Complain - that is horrendous.

Well done you for telling them where to go

maddening Sun 07-Jul-13 11:33:35

But I was offered the ikea bf room - in a "if you want to there is a bf room available with comfier chairs" way - I just said I was fine as I was - I didn't feel bothered or harassed by it.

scottishmummy Sun 07-Jul-13 11:34:17

I don't see what the issue,they offered a designated area not a Wendy house
By all means you can decline and remain where you were.
I wonder if you're trying to whip up an issue here,some faux indignation

I worked in a student pub that served food in Manchester. One lady came in and would bf while hiding under a blanket in full view of everyone. No one cared or even knew that she was bf-ing they were just wondering why someone was sat under a blanket. They would look at her, elbow each other and maybe laugh about it. Then she would come to the bar to complain that people were looking at her bf-ing. It wasn't an argument you could win really. When I offered to set her up in the otherwise empty no smoking lounge with a big comfy couch, tv and me bringing her drinks with no need to be sweltering under a big blanket that offer was turned down with a "I'll feed where i want to thanks!" But then she would sit under a big blanket covering her modesty and hot baby in the smokey bar... I was baffled. I've got three that I bf too but I was perplexed by her.

TidyDancer Sun 07-Jul-13 11:51:18

maddening and scottishmummy - both of you have hit on what I was thinking. I could be wrong, but I think the shop assistant was trying to help rather than judge and I wonder if the OP may have been geared up towards having a bit of a spat.

Like I said, could be wrong, but that's just the impression I got.

pigletmania Sun 07-Jul-13 11:54:48

Reading op again he was asking you to go to the tent to bf, no bloody way it's illegal and I woul hv told him tat. Good on you op you go girl!

pigletmania Sun 07-Jul-13 11:57:58

Yourmano that is strange of the woman and she sounds quite rude. I would have taken the offer of an empty lounge with comfy seats, with offer of drinks anytime, than sit in a smoky lounge and subject my baby to passive smoking confused

Ezza1 Sun 07-Jul-13 11:59:33

So what did the Kiddicare employee say when you said you prefer to stay sat at the table with your family?

pianodoodle Sun 07-Jul-13 12:07:28

If he had just mentioned the facility fine, but he asked if you could feed in there, which is asking you to move and I would write a letter asking staff to be better trained.

Comfy seats would do anyway. Don't see the need to be herded into a tent myself!

fluffyraggies Sun 07-Jul-13 12:08:39

It's all in the wording.

''There's a dedicated BF area, would you like to use it?''
said in a passive aggressive sort of way could be a request. ie ''go and BF elsewhere''.

''There's a dedicated BF area, would you like to use it?''
said in a kindly way could just be a offer of help. ie: ''did you know, and do you need me to tell where it is?''.

Elquota Sun 07-Jul-13 12:11:29

I think it's odd that it would occur to a member of staff that a woman with her family might prefer to go somewhere else. No need at all to mention the tent unless anyone asks.

scottishmummy Sun 07-Jul-13 12:15:46

It's not odd At all to inform customer of facilities they may wish to use
Had they compelled her to go to designated area,that would be odd
But merely offering the information was probably with good intent

NotYoMomma Sun 07-Jul-13 12:24:16

he said could not should though hmm

I do not get what is so offensive as some people like to be elsewhere and some people don't confused

I think sometimes if people even mention bf to a Mum they go all 'how dare they?!'

its tiresome.

a no thanks would have done

inneedofsomehelpplz Sun 07-Jul-13 12:27:06

i was sitting next to the tent so i could quite easily see it - it was a young lad clearing plates & his words were "there is a bf tent next to you for bfing". i said i was fine thankyou & he rolled his eyes. first problem ive ever had with any store with any of my dc.

WorraLiberty Sun 07-Jul-13 12:31:29

He rolled his eyes?


usualsuspect Sun 07-Jul-13 12:35:27

The was just telling you If you wanted to use it.

You do the bf cause no favours by posting about problems that are in your head.

usualsuspect Sun 07-Jul-13 12:35:50


Elquota Sun 07-Jul-13 12:37:40

The default should be to let breastfeeding women just get on with it, and not make any comment. I wouldn't expect staff to approach me to say "There's a cafe/toilet/checkout/trolley/mirror/exit over there" either, if I hadn't asked. It implies they think you're in the wrong place if there's no other reason for them to bring up the subject. The default assumption should definitely be that the woman won't want to move somewhere hidden away, as there is no need.

That is not what you said in your OP

usualsuspect Sun 07-Jul-13 12:39:02

He was a young lad, he probably had no bloody clue about BF etiquette.

WorraLiberty Sun 07-Jul-13 12:39:43

I've often had an overflowing basket and a member of staff has pointed to a free trolley.

I never assumed they thought I was wrong somehow?

Just being helpful.

SoupDragon Sun 07-Jul-13 12:40:22

So, he didn't actually say that that bfing tent was open & could you feed in there? He simply pointed out that the tent was open...?

jammiedonut Sun 07-Jul-13 12:43:28

Maybe politely inform his superiors that you were a little offended by the implication that you should go elsewhere, he's a young lad and probably not aware of the etiquette. Fwiw kiddicare are usually wonderful in regards to bf. I was motioned towards the comfy expensive nursing chairs on display to 'try out' when I was bf ds there, definitely not required to sit away from the public!

HarrySnotter Sun 07-Jul-13 12:43:58

Can you clarify what he actually said. You have offered two different versions.

Have you been in the tent before? I've heard they have some nice freebies, drinks, comfy seats, cooled or warmed appropriately etc. I'd have left dh with the other kids and gone for a nice comfy feed with my dd for 20 mins or so.

pigletmania Sun 07-Jul-13 13:36:24

That was not what you said in your op. he did not ask you to use it, but merely pointed out that there was a tent there. Yabvu for that. As he was a young lad he might not have a clue about bf etiquette

Alanna1 Sun 07-Jul-13 13:43:26

I'd be amazed if kiddicare intended to offend you - you are their target market!! I think probably it was just insensitively worded by a young man. I would send them a polite letter or email saying you felt a bit awkward and suggesting they think about how they word it.

Personally I'll bf anywhere but I have good friends who would feel uncomfortable bf openly in a busy restaurant. Indeed I was at a small wedding a few weeks ago where one of the guests choose to go and sit in a tiny dark corner behind the coats to feed. Some people find it harder or really want more privacy.

TidyDancer Sun 07-Jul-13 13:46:18

I really don't think that staff member did anything much wrong. And I'm afraid I don't believe the eye rolling part either.

I have and would breastfeed anywhere I needed to, and would stand up for any woman told she couldn't, but I just get the feeling that the OP wasn't treated as badly as she feels she was.

Innacorner Sun 07-Jul-13 13:49:39

What law is that deadlydonkey ?

IneedAsockamnesty Sun 07-Jul-13 13:51:38

Going by your update he did nothing wrong. You just wanted someone to.

thistlelicker Sun 07-Jul-13 13:54:24

Oh dear two versions of events! Poor
Will get reprimanded for potentially
Being polite and offering u discretion if u wished and here u are cant make up ur Mind as to what happened!hmm

IneedAsockamnesty Sun 07-Jul-13 13:54:45
Innacorner Sun 07-Jul-13 14:05:06

Thank you for the link sockreturningpixie

TSSDNCOP Sun 07-Jul-13 14:11:39

YABU. Your second post suggests all he did was point out a pleasant facility. Please don't complain about him on the strength of this.

If he did roll his eyes I'd bet the fiver in my pocket it was at your tone.

Lj8893 Sun 07-Jul-13 14:13:23

Sorry OP, I was in support of you at the beginning of this post but since your second account of what happened I have changed my mind.


catgirl1976 Sun 07-Jul-13 14:14:13

I was also on your side from your first post, but your second version of events is totally different

If he told you to go bf in the tent - YANBU

If he simply pointed out the tent was available if you wished to use it YABVVU

scottishmummy Sun 07-Jul-13 15:22:42

If that's the extent of the interaction,staff informing you of designated area
I cannot see what the issue were not pressured or compelled to move
This really is being indignant for sake of it

nennypops Sun 07-Jul-13 15:48:39

I don't get why everyone thinks the clarified version of what the staff member said exonerates him. He comes up to someone who is happily breastfeeding and not asking for help, and decides that it's necessary to point out to her that there's a bf tent next to her, knowing that she's close by and can see it for herself. He obviously didn't need to say anything at all, and there's a clear implication that the tent is the place where bfing should happen, not out in public. It's very strange to assume that the OP would have wanted to stop feeding, disturb the baby by getting up and moving somewhere else, leave her family and hide away. He then rolls his eyes when OP says No thanks. As someone has pointed out, a lot depends on his tone, and it is clear that his tone indicated that he thought the OP should be using the tent - she's the only one who heard and saw him, and that's what she's reporting.

I don't get why Kiddicare are providing a tent at all. Surely if there is one environment where it is taken for granted that bf is welcomed, that should be it; providing a tent seems to be a clear suggestion that bf mothers should be hiding themselves away. OK, some people might want to, but you can bring a shawl or one of those bf bib things with you if you're that bothered.

TNETENNBA Sun 07-Jul-13 15:54:06

The tent isn't there to hide the BF mother from the other customers. It is there to provide somewhere quiet and relaxing for the Mother. Some babies are easily distracted when feeding and a cafe can be noisy and busy.
Also, I know it seem frowned upon by some, but some BF mothers Do like a bit of privacy.

scottishmummy Sun 07-Jul-13 15:56:52

Presumably the designated bf facility is for clients who wish to use it.not compulsory
Op was informed of the facility.not compelled or coerced to use all
Extent of interaction was staff imparting information,there was nothing untoward going on

Ezza1 Sun 07-Jul-13 15:57:52

Was it at the brand new store in Cribbs Causeway? If so, that may possibly explain why he felt the need to point out the facilities available? From his training and all that...?

scottishmummy Sun 07-Jul-13 16:01:39

Its not a clear signal to hideaway at all.its offering option of use of that area
As has been acknowledged,some mums maybe grateful of such a facility
John Lewis has parent room for feeding,that's not hiding away its offering a facility

usualsuspect Sun 07-Jul-13 16:08:47

So some bf moan about the lack of bf facilities but when they are provided they moan about that as well confused

babyhmummy01 Sun 07-Jul-13 16:26:35

his is ridiculous, your posts contradict themselves op. He either mentioned it put of courtesy or insisted you used it, which was it? And I agree your reaction and tone may have had more to do with any perceived eye rolling.

The kiddicare near me has lovely staff and have seen them on occasion point out the feeding area to mums and dads. It's not a common facility and in ours its not immediately apparent so I suspect he was trying to be helpful and your rebuff was the cause of the eye rolling.

Please don't complain until you have looked at it calmlyand decided if he told you to.go in there or merely pointed out it was there if you would prefer

IneedAsockamnesty Sun 07-Jul-13 18:14:51

Some mums would be very pleased to know there is a private comfy area where they can sit and feed in peace without having to purchase food for themselves. Breast feeding or bottle feeding it can be a pain in the arse if the only change you have on you is for the parking meter and you can't be arsed to use a card to buy a drink or your broke after a shopping trip.

You don't have to use it if you don't want to but its there if you do.

I've never been one for special maternity clothes or breast feeding tops and I wouldn't bother using a blanket or putting a cover over a feeding baby the way I see it is if anyone has a problem seeing a baby feeding they can put a cover over there own head. I would just sit where ever I happened to be and feed but lots of mums prefer not to or may just be getting to grips with it and not be quite so confident in public. Offering a private area should they wish to use it,is a simple but good way to encourage all types of breast feeders to feel confident to go out and about and not feel isolated.

Having the choice normalises bf in public but makes sure that each mum makes that choice for themselves and is able to stay within there own comfort zone.

Ham69 Sun 07-Jul-13 18:25:07

I'm absolutely with the OP. you were feeding your child, nO doubt if you wanted more privacy you would have asked. I'm sure you didn't look uncomfortable. It happened to me in Ikea once and I was a bit put out, especially as I was very comfortable where I was, enjoying my tea and cake on a sofa. It's great that these facilities are around for mums who aren't so confident with feeding in public, but be interrupted if you're perfectly happy and relaxed? Would a mum bottle feeding be given an option to m

Ham69 Sun 07-Jul-13 18:29:33

I'm absolutely with the OP, YANBU. You were feeding your child. No doubt if you wanted more privacy you would have asked. I'm sure you didn't look uncomfortable. It happened to me in Ikea once and I was a bit put out, especially as I was very comfortable where I was, enjoying my tea and cake on a sofa, and made me feel like I should move.. It's great that these facilities are around for mums who aren't so confident with feeding in public, but to be interrupted if you're perfectly happy and relaxed? Would a mum bottle feeding be given an option to move? I doubt it.

scottishmummy Sun 07-Jul-13 18:32:39

Which points are you completely with op on?her posts are contradictory to say least
She wasnt coerced,asked to leave cafe,she was merely informed of a bf area
This isn't a quick write to papers or get the flash mob to bf en masse moment

usualsuspect Sun 07-Jul-13 18:35:25

He had probably been told to make people aware of the bf tent.

thistlelicker Sun 07-Jul-13 18:36:20

Perhaps op has sold story to daily fa?

scottishmummy Sun 07-Jul-13 18:40:52

Maybe she anticipated more of the lactavist types to pile in,howling at the discrimination
Has anyone linked in one of the worthy bf charters or wish lists yet
We wish every bf mutha be sprinkled with unicorn dust and that bf be made an olympic event

WorraLiberty Sun 07-Jul-13 18:43:33

Ham69, as someone else pointed out, the tent has comfortable chairs and provides refreshment.

He was probably just alerting her to this facility, should she wish to take advantage of it.

No different to a car park attendant alerting parents to the P&C spaces.

McNewPants2013 Sun 07-Jul-13 18:53:11

I really hate it in cafe and restaurants when staff come up and interrupt a meal.

I don't thing either was wrong

Ragwort Sun 07-Jul-13 18:54:23

I agree there is quite a 'militant' band on mumsnet who seem out to prove themselves at every point that breast feeding is their right when and wherever they want - which is of course true but there are some mothers (I was one of them) who prefer to breast feed in private, is that now a crime confused? I feel quite sorry for this young man, sounds as though he was just pointing out the facility and the OP gets in a right huff about it, most people would have kindly said 'no thanks' and carried on enjoying their lunch rather that indignantly posting on Mumsnet about it.

Love to know exactly what a breast feeding tent is, the mind boggles. grin.

MrsBungle Sun 07-Jul-13 18:54:59

So in version 1 he says "could you use the tent ". In version 2 he lets you know theres a breast feeding area - no asking you to use it at all.


scottishmummy Sun 07-Jul-13 18:56:49

Well yes the account its all over The shop

Ham69 Sun 07-Jul-13 20:02:34

I'm not (wasn't) a militant breastfeeder and don't judge how people choose to feed their babies. It's just a shame that a family can't sit down together for a meal without being interrupted. Yes, as I said previously, breastfeeding areas can be a great thing for those not comfortable with feeding in public. But OP was feeding her baby, minding her own business, with her family. Why make her feel like she should move (that's how i'd feel). If I went to a separate section when my DCs were babies, I would have been on my own for ages and felt quite alone as they were fussy latchers and fed frequently. I'm sure the man in question was just doing his job but i would have found the mere question annoying if the area was clearly visible to me and I was happy with my family at a table.

thistlelicker Sun 07-Jul-13 20:15:17

Ok let's just report the man for
Being polite! Perhaps he was asked
To inform ladies the service was available? Until the op comes
Back with correct facts and not contradictions to her own story who actually knows what was said! Crikey!

inneedofsomehelpplz Sun 07-Jul-13 20:49:03

who said i was going to the man?! not gonna report the young lad as i may have it wrong but he sure didnt seem.comfortable with me bf where i was. & no, this isnt im great im bf lol, millions of woman do it & im just one :-)

inneedofsomehelpplz Sun 07-Jul-13 20:49:36

*report the man?!

pigletmania Sun 07-Jul-13 21:46:05

He sounds like an awkward teenager who needs more training. Major overreaction, he dident ask you to move, merely pointed out te facilities. Mabey he was told to by his superiors to promote store facilities.

scottishmummy Sun 07-Jul-13 21:47:39

And you sound like your making stuff up to embelish your pov

sameoldIggi Sun 07-Jul-13 21:54:49

Some posters are excusing him as being just a young lad, didn't know how to approach it etc. I would imagine the default position for a young man would be to go nowhere near a bfing woman, and say nothing at all - out of embarrasment if nothing else!
He is wrong if he thinks the provision of a bf tent means that is where you should go to bf. It would be worth having his employers educate him on that.

scottishmummy Sun 07-Jul-13 22:00:28

This is really a non event being bigger up into something more significant
The worker merely informed op of location of facilities,no other dialogue
Bf was not undermined,and op wasn't compelled to alter her arrangements

pigletmania Sun 07-Jul-13 23:04:25

Yes totally non event.

OHforDUCKScake Sun 07-Jul-13 23:16:27

When I was bf my PFB in hospital the MW asked me if I wanted ger to close the curtain and started pulling them across. I was suprises and said no, wondered why she asked. In turn she was suprised I said no.

Her offer and reaction made me go from feeling comfortable and at ease with feeding my 5 hour old baby on my bed on the ward, to suddenly feeling like I was exposing myself and was doung something wrong.

Whilst the OP got the wording wrong, I actually understand her distain.

She was happily feeding. The staff pointed out a designated area for mothers who wanted it, except she didnt. It may have made her feel as though she shouldnt have been doing it where she was.

IMO it simply didnt need pointing out.

scottishmummy Sun 07-Jul-13 23:20:28

How could retail worker possibly surmise and know her preferences regard bf
He simply informed her of a facility,should she wish to use it.
The worker has done nothing wrong,op has given conflicting accounts.its non event

OHforDUCKScake Sun 07-Jul-13 23:23:47

He just shouldnt point it out.

However, there is no doubt in my mind that I would be agreeing with the majority had it not been for my experience with the MW. It sounds so petty now but it hugely knocked my confidence.

MrsMook Sun 07-Jul-13 23:28:48

Nothing wrong in offering a service. Generally I'll feed in a cafe as I want the refreshment. I'm happy to know where feeding rooms are so that I have the option if I'm not feeling inclined to buy a drink/snack. In places like IKEA I'll pick the cafe/ feeding zone to pick my need.

In the context of a Kiddicare store, I'd assume that it's policy to inform customers about the facilities they offer. It's hardly to their advantage to alienate their main customer base.

scottishmummy Sun 07-Jul-13 23:30:09

Why should the retail asst not inform of a facility?op may have had interest
The retail asst could not possibly have known this cause offence to op
It was a brief relay of information,not an undermining act.

Ham69 Sun 07-Jul-13 23:33:18

I think both sameold and OHfor have hit the nail on the head. Not a 'non event' if a mum is made to feel uncomfortable when doing the most natural thing in the world. Yes, she slightly contradicted herself, but give OP a break. I'm sure we all got the gist of the story.

MrsMook Sun 07-Jul-13 23:34:03

I found it awkward BFing in hospital. I didn't particularly want to be hidden behind a curtain, but felt a bit exposed with the style of my nighties, faffing with a new baby and aware of the partners of other mums being around and close by. I did feed with them open after a few feeds, but not a very comfortable environment- too many bored people sitting around!

The MW was probably suprised that someone was comfortable to have them open.

mynameismskane Sun 07-Jul-13 23:42:45

Wow scottishmummy, do you have some kind of chip on your should about breast feeding?

Not sure why anyone at Kiddicare would feel the need to go over to a mum who is quietly breast feeding and point out other places to go, it's rude and unnecessary.

thistlelicker Mon 08-Jul-13 06:50:39

The hospital
Where I work encourage curtains open at all times! But when It comes
To feeding ask if curtains want closing to offer privacy and dignity and respect while trying to establish breast feeding! Plus also a cultural thing! Sometimes it's dammed if u do dammed if u don't!

MalcolmTuckersMum Mon 08-Jul-13 07:02:24

Really myname? Sounds to me more like scottishmummy has a chip on her shoulder about embellished bullshit. Try reading the whole thing in context.

EDMNWiganSalfordandBlackpool Mon 08-Jul-13 07:05:47

Honestly I think he was just making op aware of services. Personally I would have been greatful for somewhere private as I felt very concious, others weren't bothered.

He was simply offering a service with the sounds of your second post.

Ham69 Mon 08-Jul-13 07:50:31

Yes, malcolm, I thought the same as myname. Have you read all of scottishmummy's posts?

Twattybollocks Mon 08-Jul-13 08:26:13

No, yanbu. I fed dd sat in the garden furniture display at Asda the other day right by the front doors. No one commented or batted an eyelid.

Figgygal Mon 08-Jul-13 08:38:36

Sounds like he was offering a service stop being so indignant

If that had been me who hated BFing in public I would have been quite happy being approached and told there were other options available.

cory Mon 08-Jul-13 08:38:55

If the word order in the OP is accurate, then it was not a suggestion but a request.

"bfing tent was open & I could feed in there?" - suggestion

"bfing tent was open & could I feed in there?"- direct request

If I say to my teen "You could take the bus home", it is a helpful suggestion (to save you from walking) or at best a very discreet and indirect request, leaving the choice to her.

"Could you take the bus home?" is a direct request which demands an answer and presupposes that the answer will be "yes".

Simple question of grammar.

KenAdams Mon 08-Jul-13 09:05:05

Pop a link to this thread on their Facebook page.

SoupDragon Mon 08-Jul-13 09:09:17

According to the Op, later, his words were "there is a bf tent next to you for bfing"

Lovecat Mon 08-Jul-13 09:56:42

I'm simply bemused by the idea of a tent sitting in the middle of a cafe.

Unless it's some kind of silk-ceilinged Arabian Nights glamped up thing with cushions low tables and a tealight chandelier (which I doubt) why the hell would you want to sit in a sweaty nylon erection (especially in this weather) in the middle of a cafe?

<realises she spends far too long on the camping threads if this is her first reaction to the thread...>

MiaowTheCat Mon 08-Jul-13 09:59:22

Scottishmummy - I think I just fell in love with you over the unicorn dust charter.

Well obviously the solution is simple. You re-write your version of events again, spread it all over the internet so people descend on the store with pitchforks and burning torches for offering facilities and we have a good old fashioned lynch mob on our hands. That's what you want isn't it?

MiaowTheCat Mon 08-Jul-13 10:00:31

Mind you - considering our local kiddicare - if you went and cowered in a tent you'd escape from the leaflet dropping and "we're just doing a taster session in sing and sign baby Esperanto today" salespitches.

Ragwort Mon 08-Jul-13 10:00:32

Agree Lovecat, I really want to know the details of this 'tent' grin.

ShowOfHands Mon 08-Jul-13 10:13:36

I've never seen a kiddicare, only seen the odd advert or mention on here and I assumed it was a shop, like mothercare or the early learning centre. From the thread title, I had visions of a woman in a sea of plastic tat, crawling into a little pop-up play tent to feed her baby.

I'm SO disappointed.

And for the record, as a bfing mother, I'd be happy if somebody pointed out designated facilities to me.

maja00 Mon 08-Jul-13 10:18:48

I'm as militant about breastfeeding as anyone, fed everywhere, never used facilities or muslins or covers or any of that stuff, but I still don't see the problem here.

They have a special breastfeeding tent, a staff member pointed this out - he didn't tell the OP to stop or move - OP was happy at a table. No problem.

CuppaSarah Mon 08-Jul-13 13:28:19

Young men and BF are a brilliant mix. I wonder if he saw there's a tent dedicated to it and assumed it was compulsory. Then rolled his eyes at this rebel-without-a-cause mother? Thinking to himself:

'gaawd all these women breaking the rules about the boob tent.'

SoupDragon Mon 08-Jul-13 13:57:11

Or maybe he simply pointed out the tent politely and then went on his way with everything else being imagined.

MiaowTheCat Mon 08-Jul-13 14:05:43

'gaawd all these women breaking the rules about the boob tent.'

OK - now I have a mental image of those domed pop-up tents (that you never get back into the bag when they're popped up) in pink with a giant nipple on the top.

HaroldLloyd Mon 08-Jul-13 14:13:08

If there is a boob tent up with refreshments I'd consider using it.

I don't understand generally people getting the arse with facilities being pointed out. All you have to say is no thanks I'm ok here.

I was offered a curtain pulled at hospital as people often used it as some private skin to skin time too. Not because there was an inference it was something to be done behind closed doors.

Lovecat Mon 08-Jul-13 14:45:02

Come back OP and tell us about the tent grin

Is it indeed a dome in the shape of a boob? A 2 man popup recycled from last year's Glasto? Or a naice fully-bunted Bell tent with fairy lights and one of those peculiar breastfeeding rocking-chair-and-moving-footrest combos that so alarmed me at the Ideal home exhibition the other year?

We need to know (I'm bored, can you tell?)!

Lovecat Mon 08-Jul-13 14:48:03

Or worse, following on in the tradition of Mothercare having their feeding room in the loo, is it one of these? grin

(because if it is, I can understand why you didn't want to go... grin)

CuppaSarah Mon 08-Jul-13 16:07:32

I think I found our tent Here

scottishmummy Mon 08-Jul-13 16:23:23

Oh myname if you're going to turn up at tail end with youse a bad un comments
Try reading the thread,might make you look less indignant and no so fick
Now will you have some vinegar seeing you're giving out chips?

ThingsThatMakeYouGoHmmmmmm Fri 12-Jul-13 12:47:48

Old thread but this just popped up on my newsfeed.

ThingsThatMakeYouGoHmmmmmm Fri 12-Jul-13 12:48:08
BreadNameBread Fri 12-Jul-13 16:21:45

It's a bit weird. confused If that is the OP in the paper then her story keeps changing .

I wonder what actually happened.

Ezza1 Fri 12-Jul-13 16:41:03

Kiddicare appear to be a bit shit then.

Lora1982 Fri 12-Jul-13 16:52:21


Lora1982 Fri 12-Jul-13 16:53:03

And biscuit

Lora1982 Fri 12-Jul-13 16:53:44

<ashamed my first biscuit was a fail>

DuelingFanjo Fri 12-Jul-13 16:55:07

WTAF is a 'breastfeeding tent'?

HaroldLloyd Fri 12-Jul-13 16:56:53

Dunno sounds like it could be fun, I was thinking I would be in there feeding whilst teenage boys bring me tea & biscuits.

Probably not though.

HaroldLloyd Fri 12-Jul-13 16:58:11

Even more bizarre its a nursing nest.

DuelingFanjo Fri 12-Jul-13 16:58:43

"IMO it simply didnt need pointing out."

what Oh forDUCKSake said.

If someone is breastfeeding 'in public' then the assumption should be that they are perfectly fine breastfeeding in public and I personally think it's wrong to then offer an alternative as it does have the potential to make people self-concious. Just leave them be.

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