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To think not all men watch porn...?

(122 Posts)
MrsWolowitz Sat 06-Jul-13 18:22:04

I was chatting with some colleagues (makes and females) a few days ago when the topic of poem came up.

They were talking about watching it and what sort they liked. I said DH doesn't like porn and they all thought this was hilarious and said that he is lying to me.

I'm very broad minded sexually and more adventurous than DH. I don't like porn as I don't agree with the industry however this is a new opinion of mine (since being educated about the facts of porn on MN).

When DH and I got together I didn't have any opinions on porn and would have been happy for him to watch it.

I know DH doesn't like it. He masturbates often and that is fine with me just as he is fine with me masterbating it's just that neither of us happen to like porn.

AIBU in thinking that not ALL men watch porn and that their insistence that DH is obviously lying to me is actually quite rude?

MrsWolowitz Sat 06-Jul-13 18:22:49

Males not makes and porn not poem!

Darn autocorrect!

Latara Sat 06-Jul-13 18:23:26

YANBU Some men hate porn; some women enjoy porn etc etc everyone's different.

BlameClaimProfit Sat 06-Jul-13 18:24:08

Not all men watch porn.

Some are blind.

CajaDeLaMemoria Sat 06-Jul-13 18:24:37

It's a bad place for this discussion.

Not all men watch porn. Some do. Some do and lie about it.

Mumsnet seems to have a lot of people who believe that all men do watch porn, and anyone who doesn't believe it is being lied too.

I can only imagine that it's a coping strategy - if you think all men secretly watch porn, you can't really object to it? I don't know, though.

I know a lot of men who don't watch porn. I know a lot who do. No reason to believe either are lying, and I know for certain they aren't in some cases.

It's an argument that baffles me.

MrsWolowitz Sat 06-Jul-13 18:26:56

It baffles me too.

That these people who barely know DH would presume to know him better than me by generalising him because he has a penis.

I like anal sex and DH isn't mad keen but will do it because I like it. Kinda screws up the gender stereotypes about that too I guess.

<Pimms related TMI>

TabithaStephens Sat 06-Jul-13 18:31:19

Not all men watch porn. But a lot do, and plenty of men say they don't but do.

StickEmUpPunk Sat 06-Jul-13 18:34:57

My DH doesn't watch porn either.
YANBU.

MrsWolowitz Sat 06-Jul-13 18:37:05

The thing is DH is just not into porn.

Never has been. He knows I wouldn't mind if he watched it and I know he wouldn't mind if I did (like I said, not my thing though so I won't be watching it).

DH is an honest guy and we have a healthy relationship and very good sex life and it annoyed me that these people would just assume that he is lying to me when he isn't.

Meh. Silly people.

maternitart Sat 06-Jul-13 18:37:50

LOL at poem autocorrect!

YANBU, my DH doesn't watch porn. He really doesn't.

YANBU. Some men watch porn, some men don't, some women watch porn, some women don't. A lot of people say they don't, and some of them probably do. People lie <channels House>

GiveMumABreak Sat 06-Jul-13 18:56:45

YANBU. My DH doesn't watch porn (and no, he's not lying about it)
But there do seem a lot if threads on MN about DH and DP with porn problems, so you may find a different reaction here. Perhaps it is one if those problems in a relationships that people come here for support, so it seems quite prevalent?

gnittinggnome Sat 06-Jul-13 18:56:53

My DH doesn't seem to be into porn - if I wanted to watch some with him, he'd probably be up for it, but it doesn't seem to cross his radar, and I utterly implicitly believe him when he says he doesn't watch it when he's alone.

Ignore what your colleagues think - you won't persuade them that they are being dense by making blanket assumptions, so don't let it worry you.

defineme Sat 06-Jul-13 19:04:23

Dh not arsed about it-he doesn't use computer at home, would be sacked at work if he did, hasn't got internet on phone(yes really!) and if there's a secret stash of magazines I would have found them cos I'm clear out queen!
He's 50 and says he grew up at a time when porn wasn't accessible and so you used your imagination!
He's also a very clever, educated, caring man and he has mentioned how tragic he finds the idea that young vulnerable people can get caught up in such an exploitative and tragic industry.
I do think it may be harder for younger people to imagine a world without porn.

everlong Sat 06-Jul-13 19:07:19

I think men lie about not watching it is more likely the truth. But what do I know.

My OH isn't into porn - mostly because he doesn't like 'sex noises', big tits, or fake looking women.

TylerHopkins Sat 06-Jul-13 19:09:24

I do think it may be harder for younger people to imagine a world without porn

I agree. Quite sad really.

catgirl1976 England Sat 06-Jul-13 19:10:20

Oooh I've been on the Pimms as well MrsW - it's lovely. Though there's been no bum sex yet but the night is young

YANBU - Saying all men like anything is far too sweeping a generalisation to make. Like saying all women like shopping. I fecking hate it.

defineme Sat 06-Jul-13 19:13:13

But when exactly would my dh watch it everlong? He goes to bed first and nobody pays for the sex channel on my tv cos I read the bill. He has a £5 phone with no internet. He couldn't at work-he's a teacher! He is very very rarely home alone-I get home first and he's with me or kids rest of the time.

sameoldIggi Sat 06-Jul-13 19:13:50

I'm amazed a group of work colleagues in 2013 would discuss what kind of porn they liked.
Far too risky, never mind a bit bleugh.

MrsLion Sat 06-Jul-13 19:15:32

Yes on here you get a lot of posters insisting all men watch porn. They don't.
I have been in a long term term relationship with a porn watcher even though he thought he was being secretive. It's quite obvious.

I have had other partners who dabbled occasionally (more playboy style photographic stuff than vile dvds) and were open about it. Which tbh didn't actually concern me all that much.

Dh doesn't like or watch porn. I believe him, and its something I don't give a second thought to.

I have a girlfriend on the other hand, who likes porn and has been known to be the one to suggest going to strip clubs with her boyfriend.

Each to their own.

OxfordBags Sat 06-Jul-13 19:15:39

No, my Dh doesn't like porn either. He hates the fakeness of the bodies and the whole scenario, and he is disgusted by anything other than the most vanilla shenanigans. He also says he finds it hard to be aroused because he knows how exploitative most porn is (he's a male feminist). He likes looking at tame pics of pretty women in lingerie or with their tits out, but he doesn't go looking for them or buy mags or anything, just enjoys seeing them if he comes across them, just like I appreciate a pic of a hot guy in swimming trunks or whatever in a mag.

Also, don't know when he would watch it even if he did like it.

Signet2012 Sat 06-Jul-13 19:16:51

My dp doesn't to my knowledge and he has no reason to lie to me. When we have had honest discussions about it he says there isn't anything attractive about it, in his words the women are fake and it does nothing for him.

he just checks out any woman passing us with a nice arse

ouryve Sat 06-Jul-13 19:21:01

YANBU. DH CBA with it.

Ex liked it, though.

MrsLion Sat 06-Jul-13 19:21:48

My dh is like yours Oxford. He also says he finds the women deeply unattractive, fake and it's embarrassing more than a turn on.

An attractive beach volleyball player in a bikini is much more likely to turn his head! (as would the male version for me)

Branleuse Sat 06-Jul-13 19:23:32

of course not all men watch it. There are many different kinds of men in the world.

Im pretty sure all men could get aroused by it or enjoy it, but I dont think all men watch it or seek it out

Branleuse Sat 06-Jul-13 19:24:43

my dp does quite like it every now and again though, which i dont really feel is any of my business

2andout Sat 06-Jul-13 19:33:16

My DH doesn't like poems or porn grin

mamapants Sat 06-Jul-13 19:35:02

YANBU.
I have very honest relationships with my OH and previous boyfriends. One of my exes was very into porn. But others not so much.
DP remembers a porn mag they used to hide in a tree house when he was young but that is it really.
He wondered if he was a teenager now that he would have seen a lot more but I think when we were teenagers you could get hold of it if you wanted.
My DP has admitted to some pretty embarassing stuff so I really don't see why he would lie about porn.

SplitHeadGirl Sat 06-Jul-13 19:43:27

My DH has no interest in it and never watches it...I would bet my life on it. He just isn't wired or geared that way - plus he is very aware of the exploitation involved. He also finds men who objectify women really sad and naff. It irks me when people assume our husbands are lying to us....like they know them better than we do, who LIVE with them???

MrsMook Sat 06-Jul-13 19:52:09

I don't believe DH has any interest in porn. He's not attracted to that kind of synthetic "beauty", he's never suggested anything inspired by porn. Again, I can't imagine him viewing at work. Never found a hint on the computer when doing techical things or searches. When he's crashed out on the sofa late at night, the TV will come on to Russia Today having dozed off during economic/ political news. He's not interested in page 3 or magazines. We've talked about it and I have no reason to believe he's lying.

He's joked about going to the strip-club in town, and I say (lightly) "OK see you later". He's not afraid of my reaction.

I have no interest in that kind of thing. Is it so rediculous that he wouldn't either?

He has a mild interest in children's poems at bedtime.

mamapants Sat 06-Jul-13 19:52:59

And thinking about it before we moved in together DP didn't have a tv or computer at home and his work is openplan so pretty sure he didn't watch it there.

Samu2 Sat 06-Jul-13 19:55:28

Mine doesn't.

In fact, it's a deal breaker for him and he hates the objectifying of women. He thinks men who go to strip clubs etc are sad and you won't even find him talking about someone sexually in a degrading way... example "look at the tits on her" kind of thing.

Of course people tell me he is lying hmm I know from how he got ribbed from friends that he has always been this way.

He had a mag when he was 14 years old and took one look and chucked it out.

I think it is stupid that people think all men watch porn or they are lying. It might be quite rare for men not to watch/read it but dh isn't the only man I know who has no interest in it.

JaffaMyCake Sat 06-Jul-13 20:25:28

I don't think all men watch porn, I think most ment watch porn.

My DH does, it doesn't bother me, if your DH doesn't, it doesn't bother me either. However if you tell me your DH doesn't I'd believe you and frankly it's none of my fucking business anyway.

curlew Sat 06-Jul-13 20:30:01

No, not all men watch porn. Because there are some men who don't like the idea of supporting an industry that exploits and degrades women. Some men aren't bothered about stuff like that. But many, thankfully , are.

valiumredhead Sat 06-Jul-13 20:31:52

I agree with caja, very odd posts about men and porn on MN imo.

WhatWouldBeyonceDo Sat 06-Jul-13 20:39:42

XH never watched it and never would, I'm 100% sure of that.
One XP watched tame porn a few times a week (long distance relationship)
One XP locked himself in the bathroom to wank to porn, for two hours, in the middle of the day shock he liked hardcore stuff and was a god awful shag because of it.

One of my female friends watches porn nearly everyday to masterbate to. I would watch tame girl on girl where no one gets hurt/humiliated etc. but nothing else.

Everyone is different.

Futterby Sat 06-Jul-13 20:46:15

YANBU. My DP doesn't watch porn. I have no problem, at all, with him watching porn and I've watched the occasional blue flick myself but he just can't be arsed with it. He knows, 100%, that I don't care whether he watches porn or not but still doesn't. He used to, though, but for some reason has kind of gone off it.

BelfastBloke Sat 06-Jul-13 20:47:59

While 'fake' and 'synthetic' performers might be the majority in porn, that doesn't mean that 'real' or 'mature' performers (including amateurs) are not available at the click of a button. There are hundreds of different categories to cater to all interests.

So the protests about not liking the fake look of the performers does not really matter in this internet age.

fuzzpig Sat 06-Jul-13 20:59:37

My DH hates it and hates the fact that lots of people assume all men watch it. He finds it insulting TBH, the underlying idea he's come across (arf) that you're not a real man if you don't use porn. Or even that you must be gay FFS

valiumredhead Sat 06-Jul-13 21:20:23

Mine too fuzz

SplitHeadGirl Sat 06-Jul-13 21:46:48

Yes, it is basically an insult to men, that they ALL watch porn and often lie too. Like a kind of depraved Borg.

Euclase Sat 06-Jul-13 22:23:43

YANBU - my DH doesn't like it either.

DonDrapersAltrEgoBigglesDraper Sat 06-Jul-13 22:32:51

Yes, apparently on MN - or more especially, the Stepford stronghold that is AIBU wink - all men either watch porn openly, or watch porn and lie about.

I'm sure plenty of men do watch porn and lie about it. But clearly there is a sizeable third subset of men who aren't into porn at all.

The fact that some women (and men, of course) find this so impossible to believe says more about them, than anything else. Imagine being so ingrained into porn culture and having such a, well, low opinion of men, that you find it impossible to believe that some men do not like it. confused

figurines96 Sat 06-Jul-13 22:39:59

My DH is a male feminist who abhors pornography. In fact he has chopped 3 inches off his penis and wears fake breasts to his job as a builder to make the other men there think about their attitude to women.

WorraLiberty England Sat 06-Jul-13 22:41:35

Is his name 'Justin'? grin

exoticfruits Sat 06-Jul-13 22:44:04

It makes men sound pathetic - they don't all want to do anything. It is just as bad as saying that all men like watching football or all men would want to drive a fast car. They are all different.

morethanpotatoprints Sat 06-Jul-13 22:45:58

Some men like porn, some women like porn.
Some men and women like porn together.
Some men and women hate porn.

Some men like porn but won't admit it, because their oh doesn't like it.
Some men are go covert because their oh doesn't like it.

SplitHeadGirl Sat 06-Jul-13 22:47:50

Exotic, I often find it is MEN who say that all men watch porn, and the ones who say they don't are nothing more than liars. I can't get over the low opinion they seem to have of each other!! Or maybe they are just trying to justify watching women being exploited and degraded.

HotCrossPun Sat 06-Jul-13 23:11:52

My DP doesn't watch porn.

Aside from the fact that he doesn't know how to use a computer - yes really grin he's nonplussed by the whole thing.

I once suggested that we watch something together and he was genuinely confused as to what the appeal would be.

Loads of men watch porn, some don't. It's patronising to men to suggest that the latter couldn't be true.

Iwantmybed Sat 06-Jul-13 23:25:44

Perhaps its the type of guys I know and worked with with (what does that say about me) but I got the impression that most if not all of them watched porn. One was caught at work by the cleaner. DP is open about his viewing and I think he's yet to come across a guy who doesn't, his thoughts are that Men need more visual stimulation than women, Women have more creative imaginations or prefer to read erotic stories. That's not to say its a myth, of course there must be Men who are not interested in Porn.

EliotNess Sat 06-Jul-13 23:27:00

They all do. They are lying

EliotNess Sat 06-Jul-13 23:28:16

The more they protest they don't they do. There is tasteful porn you know.

navada Sat 06-Jul-13 23:29:04

Not all men no - just 99%.

WorraLiberty England Sat 06-Jul-13 23:34:00

Of course not 'all' men do anything because just like women, they're individual people.

But since the birth of the mobile phone with internet connection, it is much easier for those who lie to their DW's, to get away with it.

My DH works in a very male dominated industry and it's weird how many of them who are 'not allowed' to watch it at home, spend their breaks watching it on their phones....before carefully clearing the history and swearing blind to their DW's that porn sickens them/doesn't interest them.

But just because it's easier than ever to watch it in secret, doesn't mean all men are interested in it.

valiumredhead Sat 06-Jul-13 23:37:08

Dh can only just about text on his mobilegrin

Purple2012 Sat 06-Jul-13 23:38:12

My dh doesn't watch it. He spends all his time on the computer playing chess/looking at rugby/car/bike sites. He doesn't use the Internet on his phone and the history is never cleared. Oh and we don't have a dvd player.

If he was into it he would tell me.

Thisvehicleisreversing Sat 06-Jul-13 23:39:07

My DH isn't keen on porn either.

If I suggested watching something together he'd probably be up for it, but he definitely doesn't choose to watch it on his own.

He's another who hates 'fake' women and silicon tits.

FreyaSnow Sat 06-Jul-13 23:45:51

I wonder who many men lie and tell people they do watch porn when in fact they never do. Because if people keep saying all men watch porn, you're going to look abnormal if you admit you don't.

WorraLiberty England Sat 06-Jul-13 23:46:35

Not all porn is 'fake women' and 'silicone tits' though.

The internet is full of amateur, home made porn by couples who just like to film themselves and share it...for their own kinky reasons grin

Not that it takes anything away from what you said, Thisvehicle

It's just that porn comes in many different genres

Darkesteyes Sun 07-Jul-13 00:13:25

Those of you who say all men watch porn.....does that include asexual men who arent into sex or porn at all.

curlew Sun 07-Jul-13 00:16:57

"Not all porn is 'fake women' and 'silicone tits' though."

No, a lot of it shows really women with real tits who have been trafficked or exploited, or who are desperately trying to support a drug habit.

WorraLiberty England Sun 07-Jul-13 00:21:30

You're absolutely right curlew

And a lot of it shows your average couple next door who get a kick out of videoing themselves and uploading it on to the internet.

I guess seeking out the trafficked from the willing is he hardest part.

curlew Sun 07-Jul-13 00:26:33

Yep. Which is why decent adult men (and women) don't watch it at all.

CatelynStark Sun 07-Jul-13 00:31:56

I've been married twice. Neither of my ex husbands watched porn while they were married to me. They had no interest. They might have been arseholes for different reasons but they didn't lie about this.

I haven't a clue if they do so now and care not a jot what they do but it's bollocks that all men do. Sorry if that's against the grain of the MN massive but it's true IME.

Futterby Sun 07-Jul-13 00:33:21

That's rubbish, curlew. I'm a student nurse with a volunteer job helping to run a club for autistic children, and I regularly donate to charity and give gifts (not money) to homeless people. Yesterday I was first to assist an 80 year old man who collapsed in the street. I donate blood, I'm on the Anthony Nolan register and the Organ Donor's register (have been since I was 12) and am planning to donate breast milk to the hospital that I'll be giving birth in in November. I watch the occasional blue flick.

I never, ever broadcast the good that I try to do, but your comment offended me massively. Because I like to watch the occasional dirty video, are you saying that all the good that I try to do is discounted and that I'm not a decent person? Because I try as hard as I possibly can.

WorraLiberty England Sun 07-Jul-13 00:36:07

I'm not so sure really.

There are plenty of 'decent' posters on MN who won't dismiss a whole industry because they can't be totally sure of how ethical it is.

For example, in the 2 and a half years I've been on MN, I've seen tons of threads about how upset posters are that they received the 'wrong' kind of flowers on Mother's Day/Valentine's Day/Birthdays. They weren't the kind they liked or they were purchased from a garage/no thought went into the purchase.

But in all that time I've yet to see an angry/upset MNetter in tears because the flowers/chocolate/whatever wasn't Fair Trade.

Equally I've never seen a thread from someone angry/upset that their DH bought them chocolates, where the cocoa beans were sourced by young children and adults forced to work/traffiked into working in dreadful conditions with cancer causing chemicals etc...

Lots of us will be posting using computers/mobile phones where we can't be sure of the conditions/health/fairness of the workers involved in producing them.

And don't even start me on designer handbags/shoes/clothes.

I've yet to see a poster write off an entire industry (other than porn) because they're unsure of how the workers are treated.

FreyaSnow Sun 07-Jul-13 00:37:54

Futterby, what is the point of your post? If you wrote all of that and finished by saying and I also sometimes steal from collection boxes, punch kittens etc would those suddenly become the actions of a decent person just because you're a student nurse?

Futterby Sun 07-Jul-13 00:41:07

The point of my post is to day that I try bloody hard to be a decent person, and that just because I watch the occasional dirty video doesn't mean I'm not. If you'll care to actually read my post, the fact that I'm a student nurse was a minor point.

Futterby Sun 07-Jul-13 00:42:03

*say

FreyaSnow Sun 07-Jul-13 00:45:57

so are you saying that because you are a decent person when you do something that other people consider unethical, then

a. the act cannot possibly be unethical because you do it and you're a decent person, or...
b. the act is unethical but it is okay for you to be unethical on that particular occasion because you're such a decent person the rest of the time?

Futterby Sun 07-Jul-13 00:47:32

Or

c. In my opinion the act is not unethical.

FreyaSnow Sun 07-Jul-13 00:52:59

So what is the point of you going into all the details of your life? Other people consider porn an unethical thing that decent people don't do. No amount of going on about your volunteer work etc is going to change their minds that what you're doing is unethical.

If you think it is okay to watch it, you just have to accept different people have different moral standards.

Futterby Sun 07-Jul-13 00:54:00

So I'm a bad person because I enjoy the occasional dirty video?

Futterby Sun 07-Jul-13 00:54:29

I accept perfectly well that some people will not approve. That's fine.

Just don't call be a bad person because of it.

FreyaSnow Sun 07-Jul-13 01:02:29

Some people will think so, yes. Some people will think I'm a bad person for various things I do. People are not obliged to consider me a good person if I do things they think are morally wrong. I think that's pretty obvious TBH.

AllYoursBabooshka Sun 07-Jul-13 01:08:59

My DH works in a very male dominated industry and it's weird how many of them who are 'not allowed' to watch it at home, spend their breaks watching it on their phones....before carefully clearing the history and swearing blind to their DW's that porn sickens them/doesn't interest them.

See I just find this so odd! There is more than one man in your husbands place of business watching porn during their lunch breaks?

Just openly watching it on their phones?

And how could you possibly know that they are sneaking about or what they are swearing blindly to their wives? How does that even come up?

DH also works in a place where the majority of people are men and says anyone who was watching porn with their sandwiches would be called a Prat and told to pack it in. grin

DonDrapersAltrEgoBigglesDraper Sun 07-Jul-13 01:42:57

Futterby - you're not a bad person because you enjoy the odd dirty video.

You're arguably a bad person because you support an industry which does not treat the majority of its participants well. And, indeed, is known for treating many of them abysmally.

DonDrapersAltrEgoBigglesDraper Sun 07-Jul-13 01:46:23

I am also curious about the sort of work place where men sit around knocking one off on their break, before furiously/furtively wiping the history, and then sharing with everyone else that they're so under the thumb that they lie to their OHs about their viewing habit.

Intrigued, even. grin

Is it a zoo? Are they baboons?

Because that's the only place I've been to where the males are happy to do it in full view of everyone else.

FreyaSnow Sun 07-Jul-13 01:51:46

Maybe we're all misunderstanding and these men are watching porn during their work breaks because they find it generally entertaining viewing, not because they're masturbating together at work.

Futterby Sun 07-Jul-13 01:56:16

Would you say the same because I don't buy Fairtrade? By your standards, anyone who watches porn and doesn't buy Fairtrade are awful people. Which I don't, and won't, agree with.

DonDrapersAltrEgoBigglesDraper Sun 07-Jul-13 01:56:19

Possibly.

I suspect they're not actually knocking one out in a group/bonding situation. They're probably 'just' getting sexually aroused around each.

Which, you know, is much better. smile

DonDrapersAltrEgoBigglesDraper Sun 07-Jul-13 02:00:24

Well, it's matter of degrees I guess - and what's important to you.

Someone pointed out on here once that as you have no way of knowing which women are genuinely happy to be participating in porn and which are not, then it follows that the chances are you're watching - getting turned on even - by someone who is not consenting to what's happening to them. In other words, they're effectively being raped.

I dunno, after I read that, it really made it difficult for me to have a great deal of time for the industry. sad

To me, that is worse than whether or not you buy fair trade coffee. But I am prepared to admit that maybe my priorities are wrong.

FreyaSnow Sun 07-Jul-13 02:13:31

I don't think people who buy non-fair trade chocolate sit around watching videos of child slaves harvesting the cocoa and masturbating to the images. There is surely a difference between buying something that may or may not be produced by a child or an adult in a situation of exploitation and being unsure if that has happened (which is something we all do as there is no way of buying products and being 100% sure no slavery was involved) and seeing an actual image or movie of the child or adult in that situation and be capable of being aroused by the images.

* MrsWolowitz* of course the fact your colleagues do not believe you about your husband says more about them than about your husband, it says they are pretty sad (IMHO). I think it is sad they think all men watch porn, and I think it is sad they don't believe you.

I think it is all part of an effort in some parts of society to normalise porn. Which I personally think is a very bad thing.

lessonsintightropes Sun 07-Jul-13 02:18:02

My DH has a lower sex drive than I do (can't even believe I just admitted that) but although he's got a couple of DVDs I know he doesn't watch it at home. He's not that keen on strip clubs etc either. I think all of us differ in what we find erotic. Exes were obsessed with it, one of the reasons DH is, well DH, wouldn't consciously choose to be in a relationship with someone who's too into it.

lessonsintightropes Sun 07-Jul-13 02:29:44

Oh and Futterby? You sound like a lovely person. There (despite a ton of MNers telling you otherwise) actually isn't anything morally wrong with watching the occasional smutty flick. I like erotic fiction, that's what floats my boat, I'm not into films. I also very much agree with the total hypocritical double standards out there about porn vs fairtrade chocolate/ flowers, and think that anyone who does indulge in that kind of thing probably can make some informed choices about who participates.

None of the low grade stuff I have seen looked coerced in the slightest, and I've known several women who've done it for additional income. Come of your high horses ladies.

zippey Sun 07-Jul-13 02:29:53

Saying you don't like porn is silly because you are dismissing a whole genre of films with different styles catering for different tastes. It would be like saying you don't like horror films. Sure there are the nasty torture horror as there is the generic nuts and bolts porn, but there is also tasteful and quality stuff out there too.

I don't like horror films either.

I think it is perfectly valid not to like certain types of film or certain types of book.

FreyaSnow Sun 07-Jul-13 02:52:15

Surely in porn people are really having sex and horror films are just pretend?

I have an interest in sexual material as long as it is pretend (written or drawn). I think that is different to watching actual other people having actual sex (which is potentially ethical if you know them so are sure of consent) which is what porn is which is voyeurism. A lot of men and women are simply not voyeuristic.

DonDrapersAltrEgoBigglesDraper Sun 07-Jul-13 03:10:14

No-one is saying there is no consensual porn. Of course there is - it would be silly to suggest otherwise.

But most people opt for free porn these days, since it's so readily available. And that's the genre where consent issues are far more likely to be pretty hazy.

I'm not on my high horse. Sorry, but I think that's a defensive reaction. I apologise if my contribution makes you feel uncomfortable. It certainly made me very uncomfortable the first time I read it, so I empathise.

VestaCurry Sun 07-Jul-13 03:21:32

Dh doesn't, makes him feel queasy grin. It's just not his thing.

BadLad Sun 07-Jul-13 04:53:08

I don't watch it. It's not for any particular reason other than the fact that it just doesn't particularly interest me. DW watches it sometimes.

Of course porn and horror films are totally different things, I was just answer the poster who implied you could not dislike all forms of porn just like you could not dislke all forms of horror film.

I find it very strange that anyone should need to defend why they don't watch porn!

curlew Sun 07-Jul-13 10:12:03

"I never, ever broadcast the good that I try to do, but your comment offended me massively. Because I like to watch the occasional dirty video, are you saying that all the good that I try to do is discounted and that I'm not a decent person? Because I try as hard as I possibly can."

Nope. I am saying that in this particular area of your life you are not behaving like a decent person. You sound like a caring, thoughtful person- I am sure if you do a bit of research into the porn industry, you will decide that you cannot support it.

YoniBottsBumgina Sun 07-Jul-13 10:33:59

I believe there are men who don't watch porn, but I don't know any. All of the men I know or have known well enough for it to have come up, do.

I'm 25 so not sure if a generational thing.

For me attitude towards it is more important in how I would judge a person than whether they watch it or npto.MMaybe if I knew more people who never watched it, it would be easier to make a stronger line, but I'm happy enough with my moral line at the moment.

curlew Sun 07-Jul-13 10:39:13

And you have no concerns about the people in the porn you watch?

motherinferior Sun 07-Jul-13 10:40:26

I did actually once start a thread about non fair traded chocolate rabbits and my dilemmas thereupon. Admittedly it was partly tongue in cheek but not totally.

I don't like porn. My partner doesn't watch it; he doesn't like the sex industry. We are not, incidentally, po-faced killjoys.

motherinferior Sun 07-Jul-13 10:42:30

Anyway he's too busy doing the hoovering at the moment grin unless of course he has managed some complicated linkup to access it at the same time. Poor bloke, a living example of what happens when you live with a feminist grin

curlew Sun 07-Jul-13 10:46:33

"We are not, incidentally, po-faced killjoys."

Are you sure? <hard stare>

motherinferior Sun 07-Jul-13 14:13:42

I will decide when I have recovered from the champagne I had at lunch...

morethanpotatoprints Sun 07-Jul-13 14:31:03

If you like it then watch it, if you don't like it don't.
Lifes too short to listen to people who try and stop other peoples fun, just because they don't like a particular thing themselves.
If you feel so strongly about women in the porn industry, do something about it.
Start a campaign to save a porn star, give up a room in your house to look after one of these down trodden women grin

motherinferior Sun 07-Jul-13 14:44:23

Er...great political analysis there. Right. Just out of interest are there forms of 'other people's fun' that you would want to stop?

curlew Sun 07-Jul-13 14:49:49

"If you feel so strongly about women in the porn industry, do something about it. "

I am. One of the things I am doing about it is drawing the attention of other women on, for example, Mumsnet, to the issue.

morethanpotatoprints Sun 07-Jul-13 22:34:40

motherinferior
I wasn't aware there was a political debate, too boring for me.
No, I don't involve myself in stopping other peoples fun. As long as nobody is getting harmed then its up to them what they do, I am not the fun Police.

Curlew.
I don't think most women need to be informed about porn grin or any issues you may believe you know about.

Morloth Mon 08-Jul-13 03:18:44

Well obviously sone random on the Internet kniws more about the man I havebeen with for 20 years then i do, duh!

curlew Mon 08-Jul-13 06:23:35

Who are you and what have you done with morethanpotatoprints?

PasswordProtected Germany Mon 08-Jul-13 08:16:21

Toyboy definitely does not, well not at home as he doesn't have internet. He dies read Playboy, though, and has tried to convince me it contains good articles about cars etc. Hmmm.

Eyesunderarock Mon 08-Jul-13 08:29:51

My DH doesn't watch porn either, though some of his art books are a bit raunchy and he's got a portfolio of life drawings he did.
Defineme's husband and mine sound similar.

He uses his computer at home in full view of the rest of us, he has no laptop or Ipad, wouldn't risk his job over it, has a basic calls/text phone, no secret stash of mags.
Her OH is younger than mine, perhaps it is a generational thing.

'he grew up at a time when porn wasn't accessible and so you used your imagination!
He's also a very clever, educated, caring man and he has mentioned how tragic he finds the idea that young vulnerable people can get caught up in such an exploitative and tragic industry.
I do think it may be harder for younger people to imagine a world without porn.'

^ ^ This.
I've given up saying that we don't use porn because so many women refuse to believe it and I can't be arsed justifying my stance.

Eyesunderarock Mon 08-Jul-13 08:34:24

I agree with this too, DomDraper
'The fact that some women (and men, of course) find this so impossible to believe says more about them, than anything else. Imagine being so ingrained into porn culture and having such a, well, low opinion of men, that you find it impossible to believe that some men do not like it'

sparechange Mon 08-Jul-13 08:58:13

Neither my ex-DH or current DP have even a passing interest in porn.
On the rare occasions I've mentioned this to friends, I've had the nudge/wink, yeah course he doesn't, or 'that's what he wants you to think' sort of answers, but they have no reason to lie to me.

In fact, I was showing DP the un-cut video to 'Blurred Lines' a few weeks ago, and he asked me to turn it off after a few minutes because he was bored by it

treaclesoda Mon 08-Jul-13 09:23:05

My DH is not interested in porn. We have been together since we were teenagers and at that time I knew his large group of friends well. Few of them were interested in porn, they saw it as a bit tragic and openly laughed at the ones who did like it. They were too busy working out how to sneak booze past their parents. But that's 20 years ago now, and I know there has been a huge change in that time, with it being seen as mainstream and acceptable, so I guess if we were 15 years younger it could all be different.

I've been informed that I'm deluded, that all men watch it, but if my DH has a secret porn habit I really can't understand how. For starters, I believe him when he says he doesn't like it. But on a practical note, he only ever accesses the computer or tablet in full view of me or the dc, we don't have a home office, so there is no sitting in a room alone. He has a laptop for work but he certainly wouldn't be using that for a porn habit! And he has a really basic phone. And he is quite reclusive, so rarely goes out with groups of male friends as its just not his thing. So if he watches porn, he must do it in the middle of the night, without waking anyone up (even though I suffer from insomnia and rarely sleep through) on a computer that I don't even know he has. Seems like a lot of effort to me...

crashdoll Mon 08-Jul-13 13:31:13

I found the judgement of someone being a "bad person" because they watch porn very odd because there are so many facets of a person. Who are you to label anyone as intrinsically good or bad? Look at the clothes you wear and the device you are typing on, there is a good chance that the person who made those items was being abused. Using a laptop does not make you a bad person, neither does watching porn. I can only assume that the posters who thinks watching porn making you a "bad person" are saints.

curlew Mon 08-Jul-13 16:51:35

Good people can do bad things. Supporting the porn industry is a bad thing.

crashdoll Mon 08-Jul-13 17:38:18

In your opinion......

propertyNIGHTmareBEFOREXMAS Mon 08-Jul-13 17:44:22

Add message | Report | Message poster BlameClaimProfit Sat 06-Jul-13 18:24:08
Not all men watch porn.

Some are blind.

^^
grin
I think this sums it up for me.

curlew Mon 08-Jul-13 18:33:56

Nope. Objectively a bad thing. It's an industry that depends on trafficked and abused women. And one which presents an image of women that is damaging to women in particular and society in general.

crashdoll Mon 08-Jul-13 18:37:35

So, I repeat - I assume you don't wear clothes that have been made in a factory by abused children because that would make you a hypocrite as well as a "bad person".

curlew Mon 08-Jul-13 18:38:58

I don't actually.

But I do use Apple products- and yes, that does make me a significantly worse person than I wish I was.

Alisvolatpropiis Mon 08-Jul-13 18:43:26

Wait - your colleagues were discussing what porn they liked at work?

I get on with my colleagues but sexual preferences aren't usually something we discuss on our lunch hours hmm

DonDrapersAltrEgoBigglesDraper Mon 08-Jul-13 19:50:01

I already said upthread, crashdoll, that maybe my priorities are wrong, and maybe ensuring I buy fair trade coffee and chocolate is more important than not wanking off to someone (without paying anything for it) that I can't be absolutely sure isn't being abused.

Maybe my priorities are fucked up.

I'm just saying that for me personally, once I became a little bit more educated around this issue, use of porn became deeply uncomfortable.

I'm not perfect by any stretch. Just for me, porn has become something I can't support, or even be that blasé about.

Other people - like yourself I guess? - really might not see the issue like that, or not care. That's fine. But by talking about it on threads like this, others become a bit more enlightened, and maybe the demand for it goes down by another one or two people. In which case, good.

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