To ask if you slightly regret having a 4th child? Is it just too much?

(36 Posts)
Paperlessy Fri 05-Jul-13 22:28:38

Obviously no one would regret having a beautiful child but I just mean, do you sometimes look back and think about how much easier it was with 3? In terms of holidays, cars, money, getting out of the baby stage and perhaps the delay in going back to work? Or maybe not being able to give the older ones attention when needed and help with homework because there's a new baby?

We have 3 and are thinking about a 4th. But the truth is we're just not sure. Both being one of 3 however we hate the idea of there always being one that's left out.

Please give me your honest feelings and thoughts on this. If I'm totally honest, I sometimes have days when I think about how much easier it was just with two. But our 3rd is gorgeous beyond belief and we love him to the moon and back!

Overall I think it's definitely more fun with 3 but when it's difficult and everyone's tired it's also so much harder. I wonder if I would cope with 4, mentally and physically.

janowicz Fri 05-Jul-13 22:31:31

2 is too much IMO. But its down to the individual. the difference in workload between 3 and 4 is a lot less than between 0 and 1, or 1 and 2.

propertyNIGHTmareBEFOREXMAS Fri 05-Jul-13 22:34:20

I honestly d

xylem8 Fri 05-Jul-13 22:36:26

Honestly I found the leap from 3 to 4 children the hardest.

Gonnabmummy Fri 05-Jul-13 22:37:30

My cousin has 4 kids 2 from previous marriage and they cope better than I probably will when my first is born next month grin . The car situation isn't too bad they have one of those galaxy, people carrier types there's plenty different types about. The kids are some of the closest I've seen and never fight or bicker. The youngest two have very small age gap between them the 4th was a happy accident they've just got married last month and all 4 had a part in wedding and they behaved brilliantly ages are 13, 9, 4,3.
If its what you want go for it

jenbird Fri 05-Jul-13 22:37:42

The jump from 3 to 4 was much easier than 2 to 3. It is hard work but I know that when they are a bit older we will have a great time.

Almostfifty Fri 05-Jul-13 22:37:54

No.

Never. Mind, I have the most laid back, easy, brilliant fourth boy in the world.

Three is hard, four is easy.

celestialsquirrels Fri 05-Jul-13 22:38:41

I have 4. For all the reasons you have given (cars, holidays money, etc) it is more difficult than three. 2 or 3 is the sensible choice. We called No 4 "the straw" for the first year (ie the straw who broke the camels back...)
Now that they are all older it is all great fun and they are a great gang. Holidays still cost a fortune, cars still have to have 8 seats and need to get bigger and bigger as the older ones become lanky teenagers, you will be shelling out for childcare for the best part of 15-20 years if you manage to keep your career going and the thought of 4 sets of GCSEs, a levels and university entrance angst is almost worse than 4 lots of nappies, weaning and potty training. Only you know if you are prepared to do it!

Paperlessy Fri 05-Jul-13 22:38:50

I should add that I'm no earth mother. I don't enjoy my pregnancies and like order and a tidy clean house. The first year when we're in the baby stage I find quite difficult to cope with. The loss of sleep and general mess.

I a control freak and have to do everything myself.

Almostfifty Fri 05-Jul-13 22:41:39

My house was spotless when I had our fourth.

A combination of just having to get on with it, as well as a cleaner helped I think. grin

celestialsquirrels Fri 05-Jul-13 22:44:45

I'm not an earth mother either. I still work in a full on professional field, but I try and do it at about 70% which works for me. Im not really a baby person either - I basically wished their first 18 months away and really found things much easier when each had hit about 3. But they are a great bunch and it was definitely worth it, if you go into it with your eyes open!
I don't think you could be blamed for saying "actually, I'm sticking to three". There is a reason so many people do!!

Paperlessy Fri 05-Jul-13 22:46:02

Thank you for the great replies, what age would you say things get easier? Or is that waaaaay off in the future?

5madthings Fri 05-Jul-13 22:46:16

We have five, once you get past three of doesn't ,make a difference IMO. If we could afford it I would have another.

5madthings Fri 05-Jul-13 22:47:07

Once the youngest gets to 18mths to two years it gets easier, my youngest is 2.5 and its def turned a corner.

Fakebook Fri 05-Jul-13 22:48:31

I was the fourth child. I personally wouldn't do it. I think my parents kind of gave up with a lot of things physically (I never remember playing with my parents in the park), and I was always forgotten or was told to "make do" when it came to school events or uniform. I think my mum in particular just tired herself out with having a fourth child. I still had a lovely childhood, but I just have this memory of my parents always being run down or worrying about money, my mum in particular.

Paperlessy Fri 05-Jul-13 22:48:41

2.5! The start of nursery and a little bit of quiet time!

propertyNIGHTmareBEFOREXMAS Fri 05-Jul-13 22:50:01

I honestly don't find four any harder than three. My three dds are pretty well behaved though and so not challenging in terms of behaviour. If you can multi task well enough to manage three then you will be fine with one more. My fourth is the most beautiful little ds imaginable. To think I could have stopped at three and not ever known him chills me to the bone! My dds adore him and he adores them right back. One top is that breastfeeding helps. It gives lots if time to sit and chat with older children, do homework with them and get baby sorted out l at the same time. Good luck deciding.

Paperlessy Fri 05-Jul-13 22:51:22

I don't really play with them in the park now. I tell them to play with each other.

How many mums actually participate in hide and seek after the age of 2?

marriedinwhiteagain Fri 05-Jul-13 22:53:15

If you need to ask perhaps you shouldn't do it. Must be nice to have the choice though.

Paperlessy Fri 05-Jul-13 22:53:50

Just reread my last post facebook. Sorry I sound like a cow. Thank you for your reply it is good to hear from the other perspective.

Paperlessy Fri 05-Jul-13 22:55:32

I do think if we have any doubts at all then perhaps we shouldn't.

We have started them all in private education too so it would be a big stretch.

miffybun73 Fri 05-Jul-13 22:56:05

I have 2. Everyone I know with 3 loves their children, but finds life incredibly hard/demanding/exhausting/impractical.

I just can't imagine 4.

propertyNIGHTmareBEFOREXMAS Fri 05-Jul-13 22:57:16

As for the park, I spent an hour there earlier with dd3 and ds whilst dds1 and 2 had a sports class nearby. I find that after school activities for older children create play opportunity for the younger dc.

Kat101 Fri 05-Jul-13 23:02:32

We've reached our limit at 3. We feel quite thinly spread between the 3, and we just haven't got the resources to parent well if another was added to the mix basically frickin knackered

Can you wait 6months to a year and revisit the idea?

I think it gets easier at 2.5 too.

OutragedFromLeeds Fri 05-Jul-13 23:05:18

I think it depends a lot on the ages.

DC1,2 and 3 are really close together and having 3 under 3 was much, much harder than having 4 is now. There is a bit of a gap between DC3 and 4 (3.5 years) and it's really lovely because the others are old enough to really enjoy him, they're not jealous, they're actually genuinely helpful with him, they're understanding when he trashes their games etc.

ninani Fri 05-Jul-13 23:13:35

If you can cope with 3 I think you could cope with 4! Especially if your youngest is toilet trained and can also follow what the eldest do thus being more independent with basic things.

Good luck smile

Garcia10 Fri 05-Jul-13 23:23:23

I would have loved to have had just two children however I know that compared to many that I am lucky to have my beautiful daughter. I think you should feel blessed to be able to have four.

mumofweeboys Fri 05-Jul-13 23:23:40

I agree that it depends on the age gap. The bigger the gap the easier it is ie once they 3+ they can do liitle things for themselves which takes the strain off. Under that they r still babies really.

We have five, with the youngest three being close in age (well 3 babies in four years) and it is hard work. There are times when we do say things like "this is your fault for being so bloody virile/fertile" but we don't mean it iykwim.
We would have had more if we'd had room/money/a big house/perfect health etc, but when we had no5 we knew he would be the last - really if we'd been "sensible" grin we wouldn't have had him, but we did grin
We had to draw the line after him though sad I'd have loved seven sons with as many daughters as came along between them if our circumstances had allowed

OutragedFromLeeds Sat 06-Jul-13 00:26:27

Why seven? Do you have a 'seven brides for seven brothers' fantasy? grin

It was Will Stanton being an Old One in the Susan Cooper series blush
They were some of my favourite books when I was a child grin

oops should have said - he was the "Seventh Son of a Seventh Son" - I would have been the MiL from Hell if I had had a 7th son lol. His poor wife would have been a brood mare to my dreams bless her non-existant cotton socks

I have four and love it.

It is no harder than 3 and maybe even 2 (number 2 is seriously a hard work child though). I am busier. I never stop. Do I mind, not yet (number 4 is only 6 months old)?

We have always planned on having a large family. Yes many package holidays might be unaffordable but camping certainly isn't. We do budget and save for big days out and manage a few a year. I am aware of course that at the moment number 4 does not cost as anything- so this will change.

I have about 3 years in between them. The gaps aren't huge but bigger than I would have liked.

Private education is out for us but I am a SAHM. If I worked full time we could afford it but then I wouldn't be around for the kids so much so it's all about choices.

I love having four. The heart wants what it wants and I am very lucky to have what I want. Any sacrifices I have made are worth it. My children all appear happy and content with being part of a large(ish) family.

My husband is one of 5 and all him and his siblings get on really well and all want large (ish) families.

eshie Sat 06-Jul-13 00:56:06

Thought about it a lot prior to baby number4. Then had total unexpected mc. Devasted. Had number 4 he is a blessing and a joy both in deed and in his nature, we have never regretted it. Our children are 12, 9 6 and 2 the little one is totally adored by all, friends, family, neighbours etc! It is undeniably hard work, we have very little help and1 family member living near by ......we make time for each one and try very hard to give each what they need, sometimes being part of a big family and always having s sibling to play with Is all they need which is fantastic .

KobayashiMaru Sat 06-Jul-13 01:10:02

you just get on with whatever you have. Personally I think if you make a good stab at parenting the number of children is immaterial, up to a point.

Theselittlelightsofmine Sat 06-Jul-13 01:20:48

No and I had a few more DC after DC4 too smile

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