To think that I am just pathetic

(82 Posts)
suchawimp Wed 03-Jul-13 20:12:47

and it isn't normal to be like this at 26.

I did something wrong at work and have to tell my manager tomorrow. I feel sick and am shaking and going hot and cold - I just can't seem to deal with stuff like this. It just makes me feel small and useless.

I don't know what she will say but it won't be nice. I hate being told off and really hate confrontation and raised voices. I don't know why and it is pathetic I know.

Is there a way to toughen up and get over this sort of thing?

OwlinaTree Wed 03-Jul-13 20:15:40

Everyone feels bad when this happens. I did something wrong a while ago and felt the same, dreaded admitting it. You will be doing the right thing to own up. If possible, try to think of how you are going to rectify the error, so you can tell the manager your solution too.

Good luck, i hope it goes well.

Mouthfulofquiz Wed 03-Jul-13 20:28:43

It will be fine. Honestly, everyone makes mistakes and there is very little that can't be sorted out. Good luck and hugs :-)

LuisSuarezTeeth Wed 03-Jul-13 20:30:35

What did you do? If it helps, being honest does endear you to the person affected.

Crumbledwalnuts Wed 03-Jul-13 20:31:19

Do you have to come clean? Apologise and explain as little as possible. Be tough, be hard. Have you seen how many mistakes people earning wads and wads of money make, and they just get promoted or move on to better jobs? It's because they never apologise or explain. They just brush it off, pass it off or ignore it. Is this possible for you?

LuisSuarezTeeth Wed 03-Jul-13 20:31:36

Owl ins is right - I have done X so I propose Y to fix it

ThreeEyedRaven Wed 03-Jul-13 20:32:05

I'm quite hard in RL but stuff like this makes me feel exactly how you've described it. It's a horrible feeling and the only way you will feel better is to talk it thru with your boss. In my experience it is rarely as bad as you think it will be.

I know its hard but we really all do make mistakes and its all too easy to let your imagination run away with you.

Try and do something to take your mind off it. I promise this will pass x

LuisSuarezTeeth Wed 03-Jul-13 20:32:09

Sorry, owlina

Fakebook Wed 03-Jul-13 20:33:24

There shouldn't be a need for raised voices and confrontation. Everyone makes mistakes. Is your boss a bully?

DonkeysDontRideBicycles Wed 03-Jul-13 20:37:03

Bad luck OP but better to get it off your chest, own up and you'll probably never make that mistake again, will you. Chin up, everyone makes mistakes.

ilovesooty Wed 03-Jul-13 20:40:55

You aren't pathetic. I'm a lot older than you and I'd feel exactly the same.

suchawimp Wed 03-Jul-13 21:01:33

I just can't seem to be rational - I am actually scared. I keep playing what I have to do over and over in my head. sad My stomach is churning and I can't think about anything else. Can't even concentrate on reading a magazine and just sat though a 30 minute tv show and don't think I heard a word of it.

EarlyInTheMorning Wed 03-Jul-13 21:04:01

Focus on the way forward, what you're planning to do to make sure it never happens again, lessons learned and all that

FayKnights Wed 03-Jul-13 21:06:45

I totally sympathise and have been in your position and honestly how bad you imagine it to be it won't be as bad in real life I promise. Make sure once you fess up you have a resolution to the issue.

scripsi Wed 03-Jul-13 21:08:16

I agree on focusing on fixing it. Also try to plan yourself a treat for tomorrow evening so that you can reward yourself for getting through the experience?
I am another one who is a lot older than you and would also feel dreadful: a lot of us hold ourselves to very high standards and can't handle it when we "fall short".

wharrgarbl Wed 03-Jul-13 21:09:10

Would the ten-year rule help? (Will this matter in ten years?) It's one my sister taught me about things children do, or don't do.

Xmasbaby11 Wed 03-Jul-13 21:09:55

It's normal to dread that - I'd be the same! It will be a great relief to get it over with. Good luck!

Snoopingforsoup Wed 03-Jul-13 21:10:44

Most of us have been there and felt that way. I've worked for some horrors.
Be as professional as you can and once this is over, try some sort of assertiveness training which will help you deal with workplace confrontation in the future.
The symptoms are classic anxiety and they will subside once you've dealt with the situation.
The thought is often worse than the reality.
Good luck

MammaTJ Wed 03-Jul-13 21:12:20

She will be more glad you have owned p to your mistake than mad you made it in the first place.

FayKnights Wed 03-Jul-13 21:12:50

What did you do? Would you care to share and we can all make you feel better with our own stories?

NapaCab Wed 03-Jul-13 21:13:27

Sounds like you are in a negative atmosphere at work. Any normal situation wouldn't cause you to get this wound up.

Is your boss bullying you? Don't underestimate how insidious this kind of thing can be. You might not even realize it's happening unless you sit down and think about it. Does s/he devalue your work a lot, criticize you, ostracize you?

Don't necessarily blame yourself: you might just be working in a hostile environment.

Hassled Wed 03-Jul-13 21:14:38

I absolutely understand - went through something very similar a couple of weeks ago and was just beside myself. But the one advantage of having that level of dread and fear is that the reality is never as bad as your imagination has convinced you it will be - apologise straight away, take responsibility and that usually deflates the anger. Good luck.

wharrgarbl Wed 03-Jul-13 21:15:04

Another technique to get out of the endless worry and obsession cycle (so familiar to me!) is to write it all down - write down what you're feeling, what you think might happen - but try to envisage as many outcomes as you can, from mild to diabolical. Get it all out of your system, if you can.

HollaAtMeBaby Wed 03-Jul-13 21:15:20

Can you draft an email confession to get it all out of your head? Probably better to tell her face to face but maybe writing it down would make you feel calmer, and it could also help to get your thoughts in order so that you don't get in a flap tomorrow.

I also want to know what you did. I bet I've done worse grin

HollaAtMeBaby Wed 03-Jul-13 21:15:57

ooh, x-post wharrgarbl smile

suchawimp Wed 03-Jul-13 21:17:39

I just know that I will get really hot and start blushing and stammering. I am a worrier by nature.

I just can't think of anything else. I don't know how I am going to walk into the office tomorrow.

I don't know how to approach her or what to say. My mind is just circling. sad

FinallySaidMama Wed 03-Jul-13 21:18:11

I've been there. In fact I still have a fear of 'authority figures'. Fortunately as a SAHM I don't have to deal with these things at the moment, but one day I will.

I'm sorry I don't have any sage words for you but hopefully some of these wise mnetters words will help you out. Best of luck.

specialsubject Wed 03-Jul-13 21:20:17

we've all made mistakes. The most sage advice I was given by an excellent boss was words to the effect of 'well, not good, but glad you told me now rather than letting it get worse'.

unless you are a brain surgeon with a shaky hand, it really won't matter in ten weeks, let alone ten years. But do 'fess up.

Hmm, being scared about this makes me wonder whether your boss is horrible, as others have suggested, or maybe whether your parents were particularly difficult when you made mistakes, as a child.

suchawimp Wed 03-Jul-13 21:27:26

My parents weren't really difficult with me as a child. I always felt that I had to be good all the time so not to increase their stress due to a family situation.

Authority figures scare me a lot - I remember ending up in tears when I was late to class after a teacher told me off.

Ah, were their parents (older siblings, whatever) difficult with them?

One way or another, you learned the lesson, as a child, that messing up was a DISASTER and must be avoided at all costs. That can't be fun.

Oopla Wed 03-Jul-13 21:33:05

It's how you deal with these things that makes the difference. It's awful admitting mistakes but makes you so much more self aware admitting and making things right than running away.
You can see you're not alone from the replies here. Big hug from me, wish you well. You're doing the right thing. Honestly. What is the worst that could happen. You could try envisaging your boss whilst you fess up wearing a nappy if that helps grin

suchawimp Wed 03-Jul-13 21:36:34

Even little mistakes were always a huge deal to me. I just have felt from a really young age that I let people down all the time. I even remember feeling like that before I started school so at 4.

I don't even know how to start the conversation. I am even dreading that I will wake up in the morning and have briefly forgotten and then it will all come back to me.

NoisyDay Wed 03-Jul-13 21:58:29

I am sorry you are feeling this way. When I make a mistake in work I feel like this as well,I really hate to feel embarrassed that I have got things wrong, especially if it's something that will be obvious to loads of people. What I do is write down in colums,firstly, what went wrong , then the reasons why it happened, then two things I can do to either rectify or reduce the severity of the situation. Then write in the last column the worst possible outcome of the situation and how I will feel if it happens.i think breaking things up like this helps to reduce the situation into something more manageable. Maybe you could try this?good luck.

LaQueen Wed 03-Jul-13 22:03:01

such do you think your boss will actually raise their voice, or get verbally agressive with you? Because that's really inappropriate, and just demonstrates that they are actually crap at their job.

I've managed a team in the past, and currently manage a small number of staff. It simply wouldn't occur to me to raise my voice, or be verbally abusive.

I do sympathise with you...it sounds like you have very entrenched good girl morals (google Coleberg's Morality Principles, if you fancy a bit of psychobabble), and that you have been brought up to always please, and be compliant, and do the right thing.

Explain what you have done wrong. Be very direct, don't down-play it, don't exagerrate it...apologise, and then have a suggestion ready for what you can do to make amends.

If your boss continues to berate you, after you've done this...then, frankly they are just being pathetic and spiteful, and enjoying being a bully.

busyboysmum Wed 03-Jul-13 22:05:19

I think you are reacting normally, I do in such circumstances and am 43 and my mum does and she is 70! It's really hard but you are obviously a caring thoughtful person with high standards who hates to make mistakes. Just think that it is far better to admit to your mistakes than trying to wriggle out of it or pin the blame on someone else as many do. Best of luck with it.

SplitHeadGirl Wed 03-Jul-13 22:07:46

OP, you have been given great advice. I was always a bit of a mess in front of the boss (thanks to a previous boss who took great delight in bullying his female staff) but over time, I got to be friends with my bosses and realised that they are just human like me, lacking in confidence at times, trying to struggle on at work, and with different insecurites.

All I can say to you is that the key to interviews with people is twofold. Prepare well, and have confidence. And if you don't have confidence, ACT like you do!!

Wuldric Wed 03-Jul-13 22:11:13

If I were your manager I would be utterly horrified that you were feeling like this. When my lot screw up (happens weekly) there are no recriminations, we know what has happened, they get an arm around them and we move on. I only ever get grumpy about repeating the same mistake. Which is just sloppy. And even then grumpiness manifests itself in a raised eyebrow. WE ALL MAKE MISTAKES. To err is human. Please stop beating yourself up like this. It's no good for you.

Unless you actually killed a patient, all mistakes can be rectified.

Now, 20 years after the event, I can almost laugh about my monumental cock-up that led to the pulping of 200,000 brochures.

briany Wed 03-Jul-13 22:18:14

lots of people make mistakes at work. it's the fact that you care that makes you stand out. you might be a bit of a detail person/perfectionist. that's a good employee to have. explain, apologise, rectify and move on. but don't be losing sleep over it. it happens to everybody at some time or another.

Ach. This too will pass. Try to picture yourself on the other side of the fessing up. Seriously, what s the worst that can happen? You will be fine and I say that as a fellow worrier.

LucySnoweShouldRelax Wed 03-Jul-13 22:43:24

It might be no harm to speak to your GP? I feel very similar to you (I have issues with needing to be 'perfect', not making mistakes and being good at everything, because if I'm not, people will see how 'stupid' I actually am) and went on a course of CBT. It's not about being normal or not normal, just trying to save yourself stress and mental anxiety.

CBT is not perfect, by any means, but it does try and give you tools to deal with specific situations, like how you are feeling now. For example, I had to make a small error on purpose, and write down my expectations and the actual outcomes, I observed colleagues when they made mistakes, and try and divorce my negative projections of myself onto other people's opinions of me.

DonkeysDontRideBicycles Thu 04-Jul-13 04:20:26

What bosses can't stand is staff who cover up or try and pass blame. They need to know in time to figure out a solution. They may think oh crap, a problem -but s/he will appreciate you bringing it to their notice. Okay they won't clap or do handstands but if they get a bit shouty that's a knee jerk reaction which is soon over.

Things you may consider saying:
Who you are
Who you report to
What you did + apology
When you realised
Who you reported it to (if anyone)
What steps (if any) you have taken since
Any suggestion you have to put it right

Have a tissue handy in case of tears but you're not a liar, you're not a thief. You are conscientious and remorseful. You will make a better impression if you have a solution in mind to rectify the error.

McGeeDiNozzo Thu 04-Jul-13 05:04:14

I could tell you about the time I made a small programming error, involving a single colon and nothing else, that resulted in ALL client deliveries being delayed for hours that morning.

Or about the time I was working for a big PR firm and sent an e-mail to ALL clients which contained the phrase 'big breasts' instead of 'big beasts' (yes, it sounds weird - it was a mistyped newspaper headline about politics).

Or about the time ten crates of posh food for an imminent dental conference luncheon meeting turned up right on cue... five miles across town, because they'd been sent to the invoice address rather than the delivery address.

It's a horrible feeling. But unless someone died, you'll be OK. For the 'breasts' mistake, which was easily the most egregious of the ones I've listed, I took full ownership of the problem and grovelled: that's always a good strategy. Like Donkeys, I concur that what bosses hate most is buck-passers and cover-uppers. You clearly do not fall into that category.

Purple2012 Thu 04-Jul-13 06:49:54

I agree that any reasonable manager will likely be ok with mistakes as long as they are not covered up.

Just go in, tell them the facts, that you have made this mistake and you are sorry. If you can give them a solution then do so. If not aak them for help in finding a solution.

Good luck.

LaQueen Thu 04-Jul-13 08:34:37

Someone I know (ahem...cough...cough) once mislaid a student's dissertation, that had been given to her for safe-keeping in the university library - and, this was back in the day when the damned things were hand-written, and it was her only copy.

It didn't turn up for over 24 hours (an overly enthusiastic shelver had whisked it away, and it was sitting quietly on a trolley).

That was a very, very unhappy, stressful 24 hours hmm

FayKnights Thu 04-Jul-13 15:34:03

How did it go? Hope you feel better and resolved the issue?

Agnesmum Thu 04-Jul-13 17:26:18

I once deleted an audio tape I was supposed to be typing for a doctor, it had taken him an hour to dictate and was very urgent. I felt like running out of the building when I realised i had pressed the erase key but I told him and he was ok about it. Good luck, I am sure,it won't be as bad as you think it will be. Everyone makes mistakes and I am sure your manager has made a few in their time.

suchawimp Thu 04-Jul-13 18:34:44

Thought I was going to be sick or faint as I went to work. sad Lots of people in the office today unfortunately so I kept putting it off but there was always someone about.

Set myself a deadline and went to talk to her. Basically she is really disappointed in me and I am not reliable and can't be trusted with any complicated tasks now. Plus she said it will probably mean that I won't be able to to do course that I wanted to as it means 4 hours a week out of the office and she doesn't feel that she can approve it now that I have let her and the team down.

I have to talk to my manager and her manager on Monday so am freaking out about that especially as my manager said that if there is any come back then I am on my own.

LaQueen Thu 04-Jul-13 18:42:04

ER...well, she sounds like a shit manager, frankly hmm

"my manager said that if there is any come back then I am on my own."

I don't recall ever learning that little homily, on any management training course I ever went on?

Is she an actual, properly trained manager? Because she doesn't sound like it to me?

suchawimp Thu 04-Jul-13 18:44:35

She came in as a manager - never been on the lower levels. Not sure if that makes a difference. She has some management qualifications though.

Still feel shaky now. Dreading Monday. Plus I really wanted to do the course as it is in a totally different field. Not work related though so I would need her approval to finish early one day a week and to make the hours back up.

DonkeysDontRideBicycles Thu 04-Jul-13 19:05:47

I have to talk to my manager and her manager on Monday so am freaking out about that especially as my manager said that *if there is any come back then I am on my own*

Translation: When the shit hits the fan they're all going to be sheltering under the same umbrella.

If nobody's mentioned any disciplinary action and it's a job you want to keep, consider it a temporary blot, you have to win back their trust.

Do you get on with the team usually? They can think what they like but they'll recognise you owned up to it, you haven't tried to implicate anyone else. I would like to say it will be a 9 day wonder and soon blow over but I obviously don't know your situation. However anyone who isn't a cock will understand what's been said upthread, very very few go through life without blundering at some point. Pick yourself up, keep going.

Crumbledwalnuts Thu 04-Jul-13 19:09:12

She sounds ghastly and sounds like she is covering her own back. You put in as good a defence as you can on Monday, be tough, take them aback. Tell them - it's one error, I'm otherwise good at my job, no complaints, and it can be fixed. Stand up for yourself. What have you got to lose? Don't be a doormat - if they see someone self-blaming who they can treat badly, they will.

Crumbledwalnuts Thu 04-Jul-13 19:11:13

Hold your head high. Don't let the B* grind you down. Ten to one she has made mistakes too. Don't be afraid.

Crumbledwalnuts Thu 04-Jul-13 19:12:01

that should be B*s not b***h because I don't use that word!

scripsi Thu 04-Jul-13 19:21:26

^^ I second everything crumbledwalnuts has said.

Sounds like the manager is really looking after herself, she sounds rather insecure and very unprofessional. Honestly, hold your head up high on Monday.

Everyone makes a mistake at some point, you can tick that off the list of life experiences we all have to go through.
When that manager makes a mistake I should think there'll be a fair few people who will be very glad to make the most of it!

Keep repeating the mantra: it is only work.

LaQueen Thu 04-Jul-13 20:13:34

Managers who use phrases such as 'If the shit comes, then you're on your own' are not very adult, and they're not very professional.

These people sound very small ...small minded, petty, and just looking to cover their own backs.

ilovesooty Thu 04-Jul-13 20:27:51

Is this meeting on Monday a formal meeting? If so you should be advised of the issues in writing and be given the opportunity of being accompanied by a union rep or a friend. I don't want to worry you but I'd give serious consideration to having someone with you to record the meeting for accuracy.

And any manager leaving you to fret like that until Monday is a bully.

Crumbledwalnuts Thu 04-Jul-13 20:36:53

yes Sooty is right. Make this manager feel nervous herself. Make contemporaneous notes of the meeting you had today as well - do it now, write it all down.

Crumbledwalnuts Thu 04-Jul-13 20:38:29

think of David Nicolson. Hundreds of people died on his watch. What does he do ? He brazens it out.

SugarPasteGreyhound Thu 04-Jul-13 21:01:31

Shit manager. Don't let her walk on you - people make mistakes! If you have apologised and taken ownership of the problem then why is she punishing you for it?

How dreadful. Not sure what industry you are in but your manager should be there to support you, not hang you out to dry.

Crumbledwalnuts Thu 04-Jul-13 22:27:13

All too predictable unfortunately. That's often how people become managers. OP would never have been so terrified if she hadn't known, inside, that this is how she'd be.

True

FayKnights Thu 04-Jul-13 23:54:53

A good manager would back you to the hilt, she sounds terrible.

ghosteditor Fri 05-Jul-13 08:12:08

Wow. Well done you on taking the responsible first step.

Your manager sounds shite, to be frank. I'm a manager and the people who report to me are my responsibility. If they make a mistake, it's ultimately my responsibility to fix and figure out why it happened. And tbh I make damn sure that there isn't a culture of recrimination and fear which leads to stress and more mistakes.

Right now you need to address the issue at hand. If your manager is allowed to land this all on you then her managers aren't worth their salt either. Seriously - can you look for a new job? No one should have to live with this level of fear.

Like others have said though, this isn't just about the present situation. Have you considered some CBT or, possibly more appropriately here, some professional coaching? I've had three sessions with a coach and have common leaps and bounds with professional confidence. And they were very personal issues we discussed and which were holding me back.

Good luck.

Oopla Sat 06-Jul-13 23:08:17

I think you're ace. How much sadder to be telling folk " you're on to own if the shit hits the fan" honestly like this is your real life !

Times like this you look a tbyour manager and realise you could do the job 100 times better. * very long lingering meaningful look at OP*

MummytoKatie Sun 07-Jul-13 03:11:05

I abate staff. If they do something wrong and there is comeback then it is my fault and my problem because I manage the team.

My boss feels the same about my cock ups!

MummytoKatie Sun 07-Jul-13 03:19:38

Manage - not sure where abate came from!

ilovesooty Mon 08-Jul-13 01:47:40

I just want to wish you good luck for today.

Thepursuitofhappiness Mon 08-Jul-13 08:16:33

Hope it goes okay today OP and hope you managed to enjoy the sunshine this weekend without worrying.

I can be very like you, I've always felt the weight of responsibility in my jobs and lost sleep countless times about stuff I've done/not done. Without exception none of those times were worth the stress and work always copes.

Good luck.

Dackyduddles Mon 08-Jul-13 08:27:33

How you doing op? You should post this in employment issues. There's various excellent hr professionals and legals who can (tie that bitch of a manager in knots) really advise you well.

Def write down everything that's happened this far with dates & times and witnesses. Print out all policies relevant to this situation. Ask them to be clear which policies or procedure you have broken. I'm not suggesting fighting as if you are completely innocent just ensuring that you are treated fairly and equally as would anyone else in similar position in your team.

Good luck

Dackyduddles Mon 08-Jul-13 08:28:37

Agree with mummy to Katie too

imademarion Mon 08-Jul-13 09:06:37

sucha, was The Bad Thing something you had received training on? Who gave you the training if so?

Unless you have behaved in an illegal, immoral or deliberately unprofessional manner, your manager should be taking some responsibility for this situation.

Excellent post from dacky re documenting.

When cock-ups (inevitably) happen, I always look for the following in my staff:
1. Immediately bringing it to my attention
2. The facts and the sequence of events
3. Where appropriate, an apology and recognition if responsibility
4. (Most important) A desire to learn and use the experience to improve systems or service and sometimes even share the lessons with colleagues (unless this is too distressing)

Everybody fucks up at work. It's the law. What matters now is taking the emotional heat out of it and getting some perspective.

And maybe some help so you don't feel so awful and sick the next time.

As your boss, I'd feel ashamed that an employee felt like that.

theodorakisses Mon 08-Jul-13 09:24:56

I don't think confrontation and raised voices is acceptable, no wonder you are upset. I would be devastated if people felt like that about me. I recently had someone make an error with a booking that meant production was delayed by 12 hours which cost a lot of money. Nobody shouted, we have insurance and they came to us as soon as they realised they had forgotten to do it. What do you do? Fire them? Shout? In my company that would be seen as completely unacceptable. If things do get nasty, maybe keep a note of what was said or take someone in with you. Good luck.

froubylou Mon 08-Jul-13 09:30:57

Op, my grandfather used to say to my ma 'worse things happen at sea'.

And although it sounds trite he was right.

You made a mistake. It happens. Use it to become better at your job. I've been there. I left a set of safe keys on my desk. Safe was emptied over night. 3k was never seen again though the keys were returned helpfully to my desk by morning. I got a huge bollocking. But my boss at the time backed me up to head office and put his own job on the line to help me keep mine.

For that I worked harder for him than anyone else I have ever worked for before and my loyalty to him saw ud both shoot up the ladder far quicker than anyone would have believed and even 10 years on I still class him as a friend even though I left the company.

Use it to be a better manager than yours is now. A manager is only as good as the team they have and getting the very best out of all kinds of people isn't something you can learn on a course.

And make sure you are organised for today. You have had some fantastic advice on here. If your manager is passing the book then let her. Request the meeting withher mmanager alone. You will be better thought of in the long run and it will give her something to stew over.

shewhowines Mon 08-Jul-13 09:31:46

I think it's normal to feel like that. I know I have in the past. I think it's worse because she sounds a nightmare boss.

I know it's easy to say and harder to feel - but it is only a job. You are so much more than the sum total of one job. What feels like the end of the world right now, will fade into insignificance soon.

I don't believe there is a person alive who has never cocked up big time at some point or another.

Hope today goes well

DoubleLifeIsALifeHalved Mon 08-Jul-13 11:44:32

Ouch, nasty reaction from your manager... Hope today is bearable

weisswusrt Mon 08-Jul-13 14:03:25

Can you turn it back on her?
Her "You screwed up"
You "yes, I'm sorry. How should I handle situations like this in future"

She is paid to manage people after all....so make her come up with some answers!

theodorakisses Mon 08-Jul-13 14:20:25

Please report back, I hope it goes ok

PrettyKitty1986 Mon 08-Jul-13 14:31:30

Tbh I think the manager is getting a tough deal here.

The op said she 'did something wrong' at work. People seem to be interpreting that as she made a mistake.

For all we know the 'something wrong' could be bordering on gross misconduct. In which case, removing privelages (such as the ops course) could be the best way to go for the manager.

I don't see how people can possibly comment in the Seth they have with such limited information really.

theodorakisses Mon 08-Jul-13 16:21:42

anyone who feels scared, unless are being manipulative weirdos would not have posted this, I would rather make a fool of myself with a troll than not support a real person

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