AIBU not to pay Plumber who groped me

(143 Posts)
Sazzle41 Wed 03-Jul-13 10:52:38

Am still wobbly tbh. He was pointing out it wasnt drains but rats nest re. smell, i bent to look and he walked across the bathroom, grabbed my hips and ground against me. I immed. said get off and he said "sorry, its the proximity". Yes, because you walked across the bathroom to get to me. So wobbly i got rid asap and realised had no cash and he couldnt take card. He then said he would come back tonite for the cash. I then got mad and texted him not to come back as i was going to report him & def not paying him. Can I , should I report him? I felt horribly vulnerable and its been a vile 2months already without feeling invaded in my own flat. Or should i just not think about other vulnerable women having to put up with that/would police even care?? And what about the posh 'village magazine' he advertises in? (its that kind of village, why i picked it, safe, neighbourhood watch etc)..Sorry to be so wussy but shaken...

JaneFonda Wed 03-Jul-13 10:54:26

Yes, absolutely report him to the police.

RobotBananas Wed 03-Jul-13 10:54:38

Report him.

Tell the police.

GibberTheMonkey Wed 03-Jul-13 10:55:29

Of course, phone the police. Hope you're ok

CrowsLanding Wed 03-Jul-13 10:55:54

Hope You are ok op. Please report this perv before he does it to someone else x

Tiredmumno1 Wed 03-Jul-13 10:56:06

Absolutely report to the police, he can't go round doing that, it's disgusting.

itried Wed 03-Jul-13 10:56:07

Yes, report him to the police. I guess you may well not be the first.

Report to the police right now.

nameuschangeus Wed 03-Jul-13 10:56:18

Couldn't just read and run on this one. I think he deserves to be reported to the police but realistically it probably depends if you feel up to doing that. I'm sure ill get flamed for that response but you do need to feel able and strong enough to tell them. Whatever happens you shouldn't pay him and I would make it very clear that he should not come to your home under any circumstances.

stottiecake Wed 03-Jul-13 10:56:53

oh my god!! you poor thing sad i woulf be phoning the police right now. have you anyone you can call- a friend or family?

HormonalHousewife Wed 03-Jul-13 10:56:56

Good grief how awful for you.

Definitely report him.

Has he actually done any work or did he just come around to give a quote ?

I wouldnt be giving him any of my hard earned cash.

FruitSaladIsNotPudding Wed 03-Jul-13 10:57:44

Definitely report. He almost certainly has form for this. Yuck.

Report him. He should be too embarrassed to ask for payment.

eurozammo Wed 03-Jul-13 10:58:57

Tell the police. He will try it with others. Awful.

RaisingChaotic Wed 03-Jul-13 10:59:06

Report him.

cozietoesie Wed 03-Jul-13 10:59:30

He sounds so confident that I'd have to guess that he'd done something like this before and got away with it. Poor other women.

Report him directly.

boschy Wed 03-Jul-13 10:59:47

god you poor thing, no wonder you are shaken up. definitely report him to police.

Tiredmumno1 Wed 03-Jul-13 10:59:57

Also if he does come to your door, just ignore and do not answer it, and hopefully if you do report it, then the police will be aware. So you can call them if he turns up. thanks

Sazzle41 Wed 03-Jul-13 11:02:30

Thanks everyone. I wasnt sure if the police would want to know but i keep thinking what about another woman who might freeze with shock & not say get off.. and then... oh god what an absolute pig of a man. He didnt even care, kept smiling horrible creepy smile. I felt unclean after he had gone, had to change clothes etc. Just eugh....

LEMisdisappointed Wed 03-Jul-13 11:03:05

Definately call the police and make a complaint - that is a sexual assault BASTARD

MrsHoarder Wed 03-Jul-13 11:03:32

I'd report him, and lock the doors tonight.

But I wouldn't avoid paying remotely (posted check if he sends an invoice for example) if the police are taking it seriously, because I wouldn't want him to get away with it by claiming you are reporting to avoid paying.

But most importantly of all, look after yourself.

OP the police will most definitely want to know about this. They won't think it's trivial in the slightest.

I hope you're ok?

Sazzle41 Wed 03-Jul-13 11:08:09

He just pointed out it smelt like rats and took bath panel off then left Hormonal Housewife. All the while being horribly calm n creepy - didnt even seem bothered that i was curt/off: just grinning like it was something he thought really funny and staring unblinking... so creepy.

Latara Wed 03-Jul-13 11:09:42

Call 101 for advice. Calling 101 is ok, I've had to call 101 and the police on there were very nice, it's not as scary as calling 999 for example.

It is hard not to feel vulnerable when you live alone and to not feel threatened by a man like this; I know because I had similar problems with a neighbour last year. I had poor MH so it made me very paranoid.

It's easy for people to say 'report' but in reality reporting isn't that easy.
I think you should though because it's a clear cut case of sexual assault.
Even if you don't wish to press charges the police should at least be made aware of him; other women may have had the same experience.

Whatever you do don't pay him or have any further contact.
Log any calls you get from him as it could be harassment.

Later on make the village magazine aware that he has behaved badly but you don't need to go into detail if you don't wish to; just try to ensure he can't advertise in there.

I hope you realise that this is unusual and you've been unlucky; I've had lots of workmen in my home and they've never behaved this way. Sometimes I feel vulnerable but my attitude is that I pay a lot of Council Tax therefore I have the right to feel safe in my own area!

BlueSkySunnyDay Wed 03-Jul-13 11:10:07

I think its important that a man with so little impulse control is reported. H (a tradesmen) has been in houses where teenage daughters of clients have behaved inappropriately and he has made himself scarce as he was embarrassed grin

It worries me that a man like this would not walk away from a situation like that - so he shouldn't be working in peoples homes.

Even if he just gets a talking to by the police hopefully it would be enough to scare him out of doing it again.

Regarding payment - difficult one as his defence is going to be you made it up to avoid paying him.

i agree with everyone else!

hope you're ok x

Latara Wed 03-Jul-13 11:12:38

Meant to say - don't pay him as he may construe that as a positive thing in his warped mind; ask the police's advice about paying. Say you are too scared.

JackNoneReacher Wed 03-Jul-13 11:16:17

Disgusting. Incredible that he didn't just leave immediately. Somewhere in his tiny mind I guess he thinks that's acceptable. Wonder what else he's done/planning?


Has he actually done any work? Did you agree a call out charge or something?

BlueSkySunnyDay Wed 03-Jul-13 11:17:06

I agree, ask the police what they recommend with regard to paying.

I was groped in the street years ago and thought I was fine about it but actually I have come to realise that it has had a long term effect on how I feel about people touching me - if you need help make sure you discuss this with someone.

magimedi Wed 03-Jul-13 11:18:22

Poor you. But, please make the police aware of this man.

Picturepuncture Wed 03-Jul-13 11:18:54

Please phone 101 OP.

He has no right to make you feel vulnerable in your own home.

Don't answer the door to him tonight.

PeppermintPasty Wed 03-Jul-13 11:21:54

The police won't give you advice about paying, but hopefully they will arrest the fucker which will be a start.

Don't worry too much about the payment side of things, but if you do need advice on it you'll have to give us more info, ie what you agreed, if anything, in advance. Does he work on his own or is he an employee of a company? As a solicitor, if a client of mine came to me with this, I would tell the plumber in writing to get to hell asap if they had demanded payment.

In truth, I think you'll find the payment side of it will fade away, in the circumstances.

And don't ever let him back in, the arsehole.

squeakytoy Wed 03-Jul-13 11:22:31

Is he registered on Checkatrade?. If he is, then report him on there too.

I would certainly go to the police.

Sazzle41 Wed 03-Jul-13 11:24:04

JackNoneReacher (love Jack Reacher books too, great taste). No he just took the bath panel off and was very slow to leave tho i was very obviously shaken. He was so calm and unblinking afterwards that was the horrible thing, not bothered one bit..what kind of man thinks thats ok .. luckily i have a gay male friend who came round and gave me bit of tlc and mug of tea... ashamed to admit had a bit of 2min weep on his shoulder, been a bad 2months already.

EDMNWiganSalfordandBlackpool Wed 03-Jul-13 11:25:53

Phone 101, its sexual assault.

Trazzletoes Wed 03-Jul-13 11:26:47

Please tell the Police. They WILL listen. A friend was groped in the lift at work by a client of hers. No witnesses, clearly. He was convicted of sexual assault - had to go on a 3 year course and is on the Sex Offenders Register now for his troubles.

He walked over to her and rubbed his hand once between her legs. That was enough. That man had NO RIGHT to do that to you. Anywhere. Let alone in your own home.

Call the Police.

Ilovemyself Wed 03-Jul-13 11:27:00

Report him now ( if you are u

Sazzle41 Wed 03-Jul-13 11:27:11

Peppermint Pasty we agreed £30 at the time - as he didnt do anything but take the bath panel off , then as soon as he'd gone i cried for about a minute, then got myself together and sent text saying that was assault dont come back and i am not paying you.

Picturepuncture, thx i didnt know about 101, finding a quiet room at work and calling them in a mo. Thx everyone its lovely to have the support..

SmiteYouWithThunderbolts Wed 03-Jul-13 11:28:06

You poor thing! Absolutely ring 101 to report him. I am so angry on your behalf. Yeeurgh!

I feel sick reading this. You poor, poor thing.

Call the police as others have said, and DEFINITELY don't part with any bloody money.

Did he respond to your message?

PeppermintPasty Wed 03-Jul-13 11:29:54

Good good. Don't you dare falter and pay him will you wink. He can whistle for his money. That's official legal advice that is grin

We're here. We support you flowers

HadALittleFaithBaby Wed 03-Jul-13 11:30:50

Don't be ashamed that you got upset - he assaulted you! He took advantage in your own home, of course it upset you! I agree with everyone else - go to the police and hold off paying him or contacting him until you've spoken to them.

Ilovemyself Wed 03-Jul-13 11:31:33

Oops. Sorry. Report him now if you are up to it. You can bet your bottom dollar he has done this before and will do it again. The fact he didn't leave straight away and grinned shows what a dangerous person he is.

If he gets away with it time and time again it will only be a matter of time before he escalates his behaviour.

I would lock him up and throw away the key. He sounds dangerous to me.

Also, I am sure you will find helplines on here. Give one a call and chat it through with them. But call the police.

MrsDeVere Wed 03-Jul-13 11:33:12

YOu poor thing!
Yes to reporting him.
This man goes into people's houses!

You did NOTHING to make him do this. You do not need to go over what you did or where you were or what you said.

He did this because he is a bastard.

BlueSkySunnyDay Wed 03-Jul-13 11:33:56

Hmm - he's not actually done any work then has he - i'm pretty sure my H would think of this as the visit he does prior to quoting (unless the bath panel was fitted with foot long screws)

Please report him - he definitely sounds like she shouldn't be working in peoples homes.

BlueSkySunnyDay Wed 03-Jul-13 11:36:22

Please report him - he definitely sounds like he shouldn't be working in peoples homes.

Was he young or old? Very strange that he was so unabashed when you were obviously put out - I would bet if you speak to people in your area he has a reputation for this.

zipzap Wed 03-Jul-13 11:37:59

Definitely report to the police - as others have said, ring 101 and do it, and ask their advice regarding payment so that the plumber can't turn around and say that you are saying this to get out of payment.

It might be that you are better off doing something like sending a token £5 cheque in full and final payment for the removal of the bath panel but that you are not paying any more due to the stress and trauma you suffered as a result of him walking over to you and deliberately groping you, and that you want no further contact or you'll construe it as deliberate harassment. If it's all written out like that - and do keep a copy - then he has to decide whether or not to accept your payment and have your note on file where others might see it (wife, accountant etc) or not to take it any further. I'm sure there are others on mn that can give you better wording or the police on 101 might help too.

Also it's not like he's been at your house for 3 weeks and fitted a bathroom and you owe him thousands you're trying to get out of paying - it sounds like he had only been at your house a few minutes. All the more reason to report him if he's willing to risk assaulting you so soon after meeting you.

I would also talk to trading standards and any plumbing professional bodies he claims to be a member of, and put in a complaint to them so it registers on his file so they can also keep a look out for him. If he's sleazy enough to do that then he may well also be sleazy enough to do things like overcharge for work or do poor quality work.

Oh and definitely get advice from 101 about what to do about him coming to your home tonight potentially to collect payment. They might send a friendly policeman around to pick him up...

ChippingInWiredOnCoffee Wed 03-Jul-13 11:38:55

I wouldn't pay him for what he did anyway - irrespective of how he treated you while he was there, he didn't actually do any work, he did less than a quote.

Sam100 Wed 03-Jul-13 11:45:04

If he contacts you then tell him to invoice you - so that you have proof that he was in your flat at the time you said he was doing the job he was supposed to do. That way he cannot claim you invited him in and that he was there for social reasons. Then write to him and explain that you are not paying him because a) he did not actually do anything and b) he assaulted you. His only course of action would be to take you to small claims - can't see him doing that with that letter on file!

BlueSkySunnyDay Wed 03-Jul-13 11:46:55

I doubt this guy is going to be on check a trade if he's a sole trader - the cost of that is prohibitively expensive.

I would deal with speaking to the police before contacting anyone else.

DreamingofSummer Wed 03-Jul-13 11:50:47

Just adding my voice to those saying report him to the police immediately.

Also sending cyber hugs

Crinkle77 Wed 03-Jul-13 11:51:51

yes deffo report him. You should feel safe in your own home and so should other women. he acted completely unprofessionally and took advantage of the fact that you were a woman on her own.

DoubleLifeIsALifeHalved Wed 03-Jul-13 11:52:45

Oh you poor thing. I hope you can report it as he's not a nice man and shouldn't get away with making you feel like this. Really disturbing. Gentle Hug in your direction...

Sazzle41 Wed 03-Jul-13 11:56:36

Thx everyone, such lovely messages and people i work with have been lovely and supportive too. Its how calm and the creepy smile that freaked me out - and that he took his time going... am trying to find somewhere quiet to call 101... thanks for being a massive support everyone..calling the village magazine too.

Viviennemary Wed 03-Jul-13 11:57:17

I too think you should report this. And absolutely don't let him in your house again. And I agree that the police should be made aware of him. Because another time his behaviour will get worse in someone else's house. When will it end if nobody reports him. That's what would worry me and make me at least dial 101.

RandomFriend Wed 03-Jul-13 11:59:22

What a horrible thing to happen - no wonder you are wobbly. Hope you are feeling better.

YANBU to report the assault to the police and to refuse to pay him.

Please do report him - he has probably done something like this before and will do it again until someone is brave enough to report him.

yamsareyammy Wed 03-Jul-13 11:59:54

Definitely report him.

And take police advice about paying him.
You could also ask police about whether it would be a good idea to have a word about his advert in the village magazine? Dont know what police would say about that.

Oh,and it is nothing to be ashamed of to cry about it.
Who wouldn't cry?

StuntGirl Wed 03-Jul-13 12:01:36

I agree he needs reporting.

Glad you have someone IRL for support too, I hope you're feeling ok x

ChasedByBees Wed 03-Jul-13 12:04:02

Glad you're calling and sorry this happened. What a creep. Don't pay, he didn't do anything.

Oscalito Wed 03-Jul-13 12:05:31

Oh god that's terrible. And to say he's coming round tonight to collect your money. Well done for telling him off and telling him you'll report him.

You could also ring the paper you found him in and let them know he assaulted you.

The fact that he grabbed your hips means it wasn't 'accidental'.

And he didn't do anything so why would you pay him?

The unblinking eyes and grinning is weird - maybe he was on something.

What a bastard. Yes, report.

He sounds dangerous and scary, and I absolutely agree you should report him.

I was going to say you should pay him (or get a big hairy bloke to pay him on your behalf) for work done to draw a line under it and make clear that it is the assault you are complaining about, not his plumbing. But seeing as he didn't do any plumbing, is basically charging you an unreasonable call-out charge, and the call-out seems to have been a pretty thin mask for assaulting you, I would not. If he wants to send you a proper invoice, then that's up to him. He can dispute it anotehr time. bet he doesn't invoice and wasn't declaring earnings for tax anyhow

JustGiveMeFiveMinutes Wed 03-Jul-13 12:12:23

Do not pay him anything.

Do what Sam100 has suggested. That is by far the best advice you have been given.

You MUST report him.

LilRedWG Wed 03-Jul-13 12:16:01

More hand holding here - call 101 and report him. They will give you advice on hoe to proceed.

BeCool Wed 03-Jul-13 12:17:20

"sorry, its the proximity"
Yeah he so would have done that to a man!

Good on you for reporting OP - it is the right thing to do.
What a fucking creep and a violation in your own home - hope you are feeling better soon.

I agree with Sam100's advice too.

melliebobs Wed 03-Jul-13 12:18:24

Report it and in future only hire people off the safe trader register smile

pianodoodle Wed 03-Jul-13 13:20:50

This is terrible of course you're upset - HE should be ashamed though, not you!

Ugh! How dare he do that at all let alone in your own home.

I'm so glad you're doing the right thing and reporting this.

When I was a waitress an old man tapped my ass to get my attention and I gave him a mouthful of abuse. My boss took me to one side and said. "Oh that's just old Mr so-and-so he's a regular he's harmless ..."

So not only was she defending him but she also tried to make me feel bad for being mean to poor old Mr so-and-so?! People do this and then do it again and again when they are allowed to get away with it.

"proximity" is not an excuse for assault and not being able to control yourself.

If I thought that really was a valid defence I'd punch every person who stood too close behind me in the queue at Tesco.

As it is, I just have to stand nicely and behave myself like a normal person and that's what this plumber should have done!

Good luck x

SuperiorCat Wed 03-Jul-13 13:25:50

Ugh what a vile man. I don't know about the legalities of such things, but just wanted to say I hope you are ok, this was not your fault, it was the fault of a horrible man.

Soupa Wed 03-Jul-13 13:35:07

What a horrid and scary experience. I would also report him.

Cheeseatmidnight Wed 03-Jul-13 13:39:30

Definitely report him and let him take you to small claims if he wants to. My guess is he won't

greenhill Wed 03-Jul-13 13:50:16

Report him, he is a danger to women and is using his job to gain access to homes.

Hope you are ok.

boschy Wed 03-Jul-13 14:14:43

just a thought, can one of your friends be at home with you this evening, just in case he does pitch up? I dont mean to make you nervous, but maybe it would be nice to have some company at home anyway.

hope you're feeling a bit better now and that police have been helpful.

WilsonFrickett Wed 03-Jul-13 15:00:36

Bloody hell OP! What a fucking creep. I'm so sorry this happened to you. You must report him - even if the police only interview him it will show him that his behaviour is wrong and won't be tolerated. I bet it's not the first time either. ((hugs))

I do agree with boschy though - creeps like this work on having power over women and they can react badly when their power is threatened. If you could have someone over tonight that would be great. But if not, keep your doors and windows locked and do NOT open the door to him - in fact, call 999 if he shows up.

I realise that looks like I'm scare-mongering, I don't mean to, he probably won't dare show his face, but do take care.

BrianTheMole Wed 03-Jul-13 15:09:48

Fuck. He sounds dangerous. Hope you've called the police. Its likely he would go further in the future with someone else if he gets away with it.

Yonihadtoask Wed 03-Jul-13 15:20:39

Oh gosh OP. What an awful thing to happen.

I hope you are okay. Please do report him. He probably chances it with many women - in the hopes that he may get further. Grr..

Agree with the others, can someone come round and be at your house this evening? Just to be on the safe side.

LouiseSmith Wed 03-Jul-13 17:15:27

Report to the police and call the paper.

def report. this arsehole is going to do it again, and the more he gets away with it the more he thinks he'll get away with.

FreudiansSlipper Wed 03-Jul-13 17:19:59

please report him

and do not take his calls or respond to his text messages and log everything

my dealings with the police when i had to report a workman was very positive they were very helpful and supportive

Lemonies Wed 03-Jul-13 17:25:38

What a bastard.

Sorry this happened to you OP don't pay the cunt he clearly gets off on pretending nothing happened and relies on normal people to err on misunderstanding and pay him.

RiotsNotDiets Wed 03-Jul-13 17:28:59

Well done for standing up for yourself OP flowers

And well done too for reporting this pig!

CrapBag Wed 03-Jul-13 18:06:25

Yuck. Men like this make my skin crawl.

I was in a shop last year, in a wide aisle on my own looking at something. Vaguely aware that an old man was walking down the aisle. Loads of room behind me and he wasn't actually looking at anything as he didn't stop. He did manage to walk so close to me that he touched my bum though, as in brushing it as he walked. I was too frozen to say anything and felt horrible about it. I still do but its not the first time I have had a bad experience.

Funnily enough, on here people seemed to brush it off as nothing. Certainly wasn't nothing to me.

itried Wed 03-Jul-13 18:11:47

Sazzle, hope it is going OK. Be prepared for him telling them that you came on to him (which clearly you did not). If he cannot control himself he should be mature enough to know he should either learn or take up employment where he is never alone with a woman.

What a horrible experience.

amazingmumof6 Wed 03-Jul-13 18:14:52

what a vile thing to do, poor you.

report him.
is there anyone who can come over tonight to stay with you for a bit of protection and support?

sorry this happened, no wonder you are wobbly.thanks

Max28 Wed 03-Jul-13 18:22:57

Hi sorry to read about your bad experience, why do men think it is necessary to take advantage of a situation like that. I trained to be a plumber to avoid any situation like that. I suggest you report the matter to the police or the next female won't be so lucky

Sam100 is right get proof he was in your home

see my thread if your interested

BatwingsAndButterflies Wed 03-Jul-13 18:24:30

Poor you OP, he is a vile tosser. Hope he gets his arse handed to him professionally.

Yes I agree - you should report if you feel up to it.

You have the whole of MN behind you on this. What a vile man.

You talk about his vile smile and taking his time to leave. This means he enjoyed your shock and upset (like a flasher) and suggests some kind of history and predatory tendencies.

He is scum bag. I am livid for you.

Have a very non-pervy ((hug))

crashdoll Wed 03-Jul-13 18:45:03

So sorry this happened to you. sad You deserve to feel safe in your own home. I hope you can find the strength to call the police and do not pay him, please! He's an arse.

thanks for you x

I agree with the others, it really does sound like he's done this before, and maybe worse.

Hope you're calling 101 now.

MamaChubbyLegs Wed 03-Jul-13 19:09:27

What an absolute disgusting fucking arsehole.

You poor thing, I bet it was terrifying. You were really brave to hold your shit together long enough to get him out of the house. I probably would have locked myself in the bathroom and hysterically phoned the police!

You will phone them, won't you? Don't play it down. It IS sexual assault. They will take is seriously.


Floggingmolly Wed 03-Jul-13 19:12:53

Of course report him to the police. And don't even think of paying him! shock

weisswusrt Wed 03-Jul-13 19:27:31

I once worked with an 'accidental' bum brusher, it went on for months. This was about ten years ago, and to this day I can't stand men walking behind me. Report. I wish I did.

zipzap Wed 03-Jul-13 21:39:08

Remember - it's not just that he groped you - it's an assault. You're not being wussy at all. And I think all of us here would feel pretty shaken if this had happened to us.

Don't downplay it; it was a horrible and deliberate thing that he did to you, he knew damn well what he was doing and enjoyed it. If he'd been a genuine bloke that had accidentally bumped into you he would have been mortified, apologising, and you would might both be a bit embarrassed or shaken but you would know very well that it was an accident. Just as this time, you know very well that it wasn't an accident but was deliberate and he enjoyed it.

hoping that you have managed to speak to the police and that he didn't come around tonight - and that he has agreed to send you an invoice for coming around to give you a quote!

Sazzle41 Thu 04-Jul-13 10:26:33

Thx everyone, its made such a difference having the supportive messages on here and special mention to Briefcaseoffacts for emailing me relevant legal info. Police coming tomorrow to take my statement and told me that this is often how serious offenders start off, then they escalate to worse (shudder). Thank you all, you are all lovely & your kindness so appreciated...

DreamingofSummer Thu 04-Jul-13 10:28:32

Sazzle Well done you! flowers

Picturepuncture Thu 04-Jul-13 10:32:12

Well done you. flowers

Tiredmumno1 Thu 04-Jul-13 10:34:33

Fantastic news OP, well done smile you made the right choice, must have taken a lot of courage thanks

becscertainstar Thu 04-Jul-13 10:36:05

well done Sazzle41 that took real bravery to call the police. You won't be the only woman that this man has assaulted. I am so sorry that such a horrible thing happened to you. In making him known to the police you're potentially protecting other women. Thank you for doing what you can to protect us, it's very, very courageous of you.

eurozammo Thu 04-Jul-13 10:36:24

I'm so glad the police are taking it seriously. Well done for reporting it, OP!

Well done for telling the police. These arseholes get away with this shit by making you doubt your own version of what has happened. Your courage in reporting it will hopefully save other women from being assaulted by this wanker. I hope you're feeling stronger, because you have shown admirable strength x

sheeplikessleep Thu 04-Jul-13 10:41:36

Well done OP, you've done the right thing.

What a horrible, upsetting experience for you, made even more vile by it being in your own home.

piratecat Thu 04-Jul-13 10:41:49

well done. you've been really brave. the sheer gall of these people causes victims to doubt their own minds.

good luck.

Oh Sazzle well done you.

And the police are absolutely right of course. Offenders build up to more serious crimes.

Good luck talking to police.

lionheart Thu 04-Jul-13 10:51:40

What a bloody awful experience to have had, Sazzle but well done for reporting it. He needs to be stopped.

greenhill Thu 04-Jul-13 11:02:26

Well done sazzle you were brave and have done the right thing. flowers

Euphemia Thu 04-Jul-13 11:05:34

Bloody hell what a creep! Well done on phoning the police - if he thinks he's got away with this he could well be bolder next time.

well done sazzle

itsblackoveryonderhill Thu 04-Jul-13 13:01:29

Sazzle, I've not read all the posts, but flicked through to see that you have reported the slimy fucker - well done

Just remember, don't down play what happened when you do your statement, say it as it happened etc.

BrianTheMole Thu 04-Jul-13 13:06:23

that this is often how serious offenders start off, then they escalate to worse

That is the worry. Many sex offenders start off like this and then you end up reading about it in the papers years on after they have left a trail of devastation behind them. Thank goodness you've called the police at this early stage.

Well done thanks

BlueSkySunnyDay Thu 04-Jul-13 13:21:43

Well done - I wish I had reported mine, older and wiser I certainly would now.

Buzzardbird Thu 04-Jul-13 13:29:33

Well done Sazzle what did the village magazine say?

LeGavrOrf Thu 04-Jul-13 13:30:11

Well done on reporting that fucker.

I hope you are ok, what a shocking thing to have happened. Please look after yourself.

LilRedWG Thu 04-Jul-13 13:31:31

Well done! You are very brave.

peachypips Thu 04-Jul-13 13:34:32

You poor thing. He sounds like a potentially very dangerous man.

Oscalito Thu 04-Jul-13 13:37:21

Just adding my well done. What a waste of skin that man is, it's really brave of you to make the call.

Cherriesarelovely Thu 04-Jul-13 13:39:01

Well done Sazzle. Because of your brave action some other woman will most likely be saved from a similar assault. Hope you are ok and that it goes ok with the police. I didn't report a similar incident that happened about 20 year ago because the people I told said it was insignificant and the police wouldn't be interested. I really regret that now and worry that the perpetrator may well have been building up to worse offences. Well done you.

BlackeyedSusan Thu 04-Jul-13 13:41:54

well done. hope the interview goes well. you are doing lots of people massive favour. thanks

Samu2 Thu 04-Jul-13 14:02:33

Well done, please keep us updated when you can.

lurkingfromhome Thu 04-Jul-13 15:40:33

Well done, sazzle. You have quite probably saved at least one more woman from serious sexual assault. I would be utterly horrified at the thought of letting a workman into my house who had committed such a vile act to another woman previously. That was very brave of you and please don't think of playing down what was a disgusting violation in your own home. Hope you're feeling a bit better for having taken that first step.

MarinaIvy Thu 04-Jul-13 15:41:59

Glad you reported, OP.

Crapbag, and anybody else who had "little" brushes like this: get angry! And faster!!!

I think we all suffer too much from a "ooh, what if I'm wrong" element of things, but look at it like this: they wouldn't dare do this with a man. Keep that plastered in the top of your head.

Think about how men kick seven shades of crap out of each other for as little as "oi, you looking at me?". OK, an overgeneralisation, and I'm not recommending violence much, but I'd rather err on the side of getting stroppy than feel like a mug afterwards.

Seriously, we need to be doing society some good works here. This needs to stop. angry

MarinaIvy Thu 04-Jul-13 15:49:34

Oh, and here's my personal experience:

Groped in a Tube station by a busker. He very deliberately took his hand off his guitar and squeezed my breast (no accident, tripping, etc). He knew exactly where to stand so the CCTV didn't catch it.

The police let me know after the trial (he got off, btw), that he'd had priors, mainly flashing types of offenced. So assault was of course a progression.

I don't know what he's doing since, or perhaps if at least that trouble put a bit of a halt to it. Doubt it.

Don't mean to hijack. My point is: Yes, they do progress if they're not stopped.

MarinaIvy Thu 04-Jul-13 15:57:47

Ooh, OP - did he try to collect the money? And how did the police go?

Sazzle41 Thu 04-Jul-13 16:38:58

No he didnt try re the £ MarinaIvy, giving statement to Police tomorrow and emailed village mag he advertises in giving police ref no. Just angry he thought it was ok and then sad... what kind of upbrininging produces that warped mindset towards women, he must have 'learnt' it somewhere.

Buzzardbird Thu 04-Jul-13 16:50:55

It happened to me when I was about 14 at a bus stop by a great big, about 20 years older than me Hells Angel. I was too scared to do or say anything and no-one tried to help me.
I am so pleased that you were braver than me. I regret not reporting but back in those days awful things went un-reported.

Greyhound Thu 04-Jul-13 18:20:58

Just seen this - well done for contacting the police. I was groped by a guy who pressed his dick into my backside whilst I was on the tube. It was awful. The train was crowded and I couldn't get away sad I wish I'd called the police but, in those circumstances, I doubt they would have caught him.

StickEmUpPunk Thu 04-Jul-13 18:23:34

Well done on reporting this. I feel so sorry for you.

CalamityJ Thu 04-Jul-13 18:52:27

Well done OP. So important to stop this happening to someone else in your village.

Alisvolatpropiis Thu 04-Jul-13 19:07:53

100% do not pay him!

As other have said report him.

Alisvolatpropiis Thu 04-Jul-13 19:08:47

Ah - have seen your update.

Well done reporting him. What a horrible experience for you,vile man.

DoubleLifeIsALifeHalved Thu 04-Jul-13 20:35:55

Well done, you are very brave x

CrapBag Thu 04-Jul-13 20:45:51

Well done for reporting and thanks for the advice Marina. Unfortunately I have had worse experience and a couple of other 'minor' things when I was younger. One which my dad sorted out and I doubt the boy ever made remarks like it again, another which nothing was done. Nothing done about the worse experience either as it was a his word against mine and I didn't think people would believe a 15 could be an naïve as I was. sad

Its all too common I find.

Keep us updated OP. smile

Ilovemyself Thu 04-Jul-13 20:57:22

Well done. I can't even imagine what you had to go through to report the scumbag.

I hope he gets what he deserves.

There is one positive to come from this is you have almost certainly saved someone else from going through what you have.

bellasuewow Thu 04-Jul-13 20:57:59

What a wanker give him a choice write up on checks trade or rated people if he is registered with either of them

greyhound I've had that happen to me too. Awful, just awful.

sazzle well done for going to the police. As easy as it is saying to call them, when you are in that situation it really isnt. Glad you have been brave enough.

TVTonight Fri 05-Jul-13 15:57:30

How did you get on today with Police?

I know you've already done so, but def right thing to do to report him. Is he a sole trader do you know? If he's employed complain to employers as well. What a creep, well done you for getting in touch with the police.

Ilovemyself Fri 05-Jul-13 21:30:49

I think we shouldn't really ask how things went. If this goes to court which I think we all hope it does discussing the issue on an open forum could prove prejudicial to the case.

BOF Fri 05-Jul-13 21:40:04

I think that is unlikely, tbh, ilovemyself. There are no identifying details, and it's not a national news story.

ILove I don't need to know what was discussed, but I'd like to know she's getting support.

Ilovemyself Fri 05-Jul-13 22:35:39

Fair enough. I just wouldn't want the scumbag to get off on a technicality because of something said on here. I hope you know where I am coming from.

Gonnabmummy Fri 05-Jul-13 22:52:47

sazzle just read your post hope your ok. Hope everything went well with the police today and he gets whats coming to him dirty get

PedantMarina Wed 17-Jul-13 05:43:14

Thanks for the update, OP, and hope you're feeling better now (more empowered, anyway).

I'm torn between wanting to ask for further update and what others have said (about possibly prejudicing a court case). If you can let us know, please do.

Is it possible to get this moved to OTBT or something?

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