To Think Accidental Pregnancy Does Exist?

(160 Posts)

Just had a very bizarre conversation with mother collecting DDs friend.

I won't list of the exact details of the conversation, but on discussing a certain topic it came to light that she doesn't believe anyone accidentally gets pregnant.

I informed her it bloody well does, I've 3 of my 5 DC as evidence. She then scoffed at this and gave me a wink before walking off with her DD.

She used the sentence, "everyone knows accidents are bullshit, people never buy that excuse". Is this true? Or have I been bullshitting my way through the past 20 years without realising.

I feel quite annoyed that she implied I was lying. I'm a confrontational person but as this is DD's new friend I was trying to keep it under control.

AIBU to think its pretty fucking obvious, especially to those with a child or just basic sex education, how one might become pregnant by accident?

allbie Mon 01-Jul-13 20:09:33

Well, I have three accidental pregnancies out of four!! Ho! The last one was post vasectomy so there you go! And no, I did not have an affair!!

She's really fucked me off, its such an odd thing to say.

She only has one child, so maybe contraception is just extremely effective for her.

MamaChubbyLegs Mon 01-Jul-13 20:12:41

Of course accidental pregnancy happens! If you didn't intend or expect it, it's an accident. Is ir not? Contraception has a failure rate, doesn't it?

My DS was an accident surprise. Best surprise of my life smile <cue uncharacteristic soppy moment>

grobagsforever Mon 01-Jul-13 20:13:31

I'm intrigued how you have three accidents though. Surely after one you are in pill plus condom plus timing terrotory? You can't be that motivated not to get PG???

chesterberry Mon 01-Jul-13 20:13:37

YANBU. Ex-partner and I always used contraception, always, but even so I am pregnant. No contraception is 100% and accidents clearly do happen.

purplemurple1 Mon 01-Jul-13 20:13:53

YANBU
I got preg while on the pill and using a condom and I'd class that as an accident.

Although I suppose it depends what you mean by 'accident' i.e. if you know sex can lead to pregnancy, if you really don't want to be preg you could not have sex.

snickersnacker Mon 01-Jul-13 20:14:19

Perhaps she only has sex if she's TTC...

NumTumDeDum Mon 01-Jul-13 20:14:42

Ds was another lovely accident!

grobagsforever Mon 01-Jul-13 20:14:54

I really don't mean to offend but the only person.I know with three 'accidents' relies on.the withdrawal method.....

CalamityJ Mon 01-Jul-13 20:16:28

My brother is a mini pill accident and I'm a post vasectomy accident!

FrankellyMyDearIDontGiveADamn Mon 01-Jul-13 20:17:10

To look at it from another point of view, I can understand that some people who have struggled to conceive might find it hard to believe anyone can get pregnant by accident. Having spent 3 years TTC, and having finally got my BFP last week, I can see how someone could think that way.

To play devil's advocate, surely you have to consider pregnancy as a potential outcome every time you have sex, therefore unless you slip and fall on a cock, it's not really an accident wink

ruledbyheart Mon 01-Jul-13 20:17:25

3 out of 4 accidental pregnancies here, my 2nd I was on the injection so no user error, 3rd I was on the pill but had been ill and condom split and this pregnancy comes about after being told I am infertile by a specialist after many scans and hormone tests and being booked for a hysterectomy.

So YANBU!

whatsonyourplate Mon 01-Jul-13 20:18:34

YANBU my third was -a huge shock- accident. But am being extra careful to make sure it doesn't happen again.

Ds was an accident and I was on contraception. I also have a friend who doesn't believe it can happen!

littlepeas Mon 01-Jul-13 20:20:39

My happy accident wasn't a proper accident as we knew there was a chance of getting pregnant - I fell pregnant before my first period after having dc1, I was bf and he was under 6 months so we figured we were fairly safe, although we knew there was a chance. I think if you knowingly take a risk, it isn't really an accident - do you think she means that? Playing devil's advocate, you could argue that having sex at all, even using contraception, is a knowing risk and the only way to prevent pregnancy is to abstain. Perhaps that is what she's getting at?

YANBU by the way - I agree with you, just trying to understand what she means.

Januarymadness Mon 01-Jul-13 20:20:49

Hmm I am a bit torn here. Of COURSE her sweeping statement that there is no such thing as an accidental pregnancy is utter bullshit. However I think accidents are a bad definition. There are contraception failures, there are common sense failures, there are flat out thinking failures and there are situation manipulations. You cant really group them all together

Namechanger012345 Mon 01-Jul-13 20:23:25

I got pregnant by accident as a lot of people do, of course it can happen. I did get a few hmm faces from some of my friends though as well as a nurse who seemed to not believe me that this could have happened while using contraception!

mrsjay Mon 01-Jul-13 20:23:46

ocht you see it on here all the time there is contraception for all there is no excuse for unplanned pregnancy blah blah, yes it happens whether people think it is true is up to them but they are wrong this woman was an obvious idiot who thought she knew better, It did happen to me too ,

Does it really matter what she thinks - why are you so cross? It isn't odd it is a stupid and crass comment to make.

No contraception method is 100% accurate so there are accidents. But 3???

mrsjay Mon 01-Jul-13 20:24:42

I got pregnant on depro ,

puds11isNAUGHTYnotNAICE Mon 01-Jul-13 20:26:14

I had an accidental pregnancy, so I would have to say they do exist.

Sorry I'm trying to post and rant to DH/DM about this!

I'd say you can have sex without expecting to get pregnant and so the slipping and falling on a cock analogy is a bit silly. Its not accidental sex its accidental pregnancy.

I also don't think contraception failure is the only reason for accidental pregnancy. If whatever reason you didn't think you would get pregnant, and you do its an accident.

DS1- Accident 1- I can't even say how this happened, I was 18, technically on the pill and we did generally use condoms, but as it was a rather drink and drug heavy relationship I'm not sure I was religious with all the pill taking or if certain things didn't interact with the pill.

DS3- Accident 2- I was on the pill and taking it properly, still got pregnant. It worked very well for a number of years, but for some reason he managed to appear

DS4- Accident 3- I had the implant, was told wait a month to stop using condoms, followed this advice, waited 6 weeks. Got pregnant week 7.

Yes contraception failures happen. However, most people I know who have 'accidental' pregnancies were using no contraception ie not actively trying for a baby. In my book this isn't accidental at all but they claim it is. That really annoys me.

WorrySighWorrySigh Mon 01-Jul-13 20:28:38

DD2 born practically clutching the damn copper coil.

ShaggingZumbaStylee Mon 01-Jul-13 20:29:17

of course it does!

McNewPants2013 Mon 01-Jul-13 20:30:38

i don't believe it exsist, even if you are on contraception there is a faliure rate.

Even permanent ways of preventing pregnancy there is a faliure rate.

if you have sex it could result in a pregnancy

GibberTheMonkey Mon 01-Jul-13 20:30:53

Two of my four were (happy accidents) dc3 I was on the pill, no illness, no missed ones or any of the obvious reasons, it was cilest though which I have since found out isn't great.
Because of the pill failure we were using condoms for dc4. Still no idea quite what happened, condom hadn't obviously split or anything but something obviously failed.
I did get pregnant right off with my first two (when trying) so we're pretty fertile.
Dh has since had the snip and the all clear. Even now I wouldn't be surprised smile

DS was an accident. I thought I was infertile so (for the only time EVER) wasn't particularly careful.

THing is, though, some people are simply more fertile than others.

specialsubject Mon 01-Jul-13 20:35:33

it does happen, and if you are going to play hide the sausage it is a risk you have to accept. A small risk if you use real contraception (Not withdrawal) but a risk nonetheless.

the grown up bit is realising this and being prepared for the consequences.

ReallyTired Mon 01-Jul-13 20:36:07

I had one accident and one planned. I think that pregnancy is an occupational hazard of having sex! The human race would not number 7 billion if accidents didn't happen.

There is the very cruel and harsh opinon that a woman can have an abortion if she has an unwanted pregnancy in the UK. However life is never that simple.

Why am I so cross? Because it seems such a fucking stupid thing to say, totally dismisses my experience and the way she said it felt very much like she was implying I was lying.

It had this sort of "keep telling yourself that love" attitude about it, which has pissed me off.

I also don't think 3 is that shocking. DS1 is not with DH, but have been with DH over 20 years, say on average sex 3 times a week, although more in the beginning, taking off the weeks I've had my period, we've probably had sex over 2500 times, those 3 pregnancies fall well within the failure rate.

thebody Mon 01-Jul-13 20:36:34

Frank!! 'Unless you fall and slip on a cock'

Mumsnet quote of week! 😃😃

sydlexic Mon 01-Jul-13 20:37:24

I know it happens but I suspect not as often as is claimed.

LalyRawr Mon 01-Jul-13 20:37:54

I was on the pill AND using condoms.

My accident is currently asleep in her cot.

The only sure fire way to not get pregnant is to not have sex.

havingamadmoment Mon 01-Jul-13 20:40:50

1 of my 5 was accidental, the first 4 carefully planned the last a surprise.
I was breastfeeding and hadnt had a perios since dc4 was born and we didnt have sex. We did "other stuff" and apparently one little sperm managed to get close enough to goal to make dc5. So I got pregnant the first chance I could have had since having dc4 without even having sex in between the two babies grin. I feel it was pretty accidental.

GibberTheMonkey Mon 01-Jul-13 20:40:57

Saying knowing that sex can create pregnancy so there's no such thing as an accident is like saying someone who gets hit by a car crossing the road after having looked both ways and the road can't claim it was an accident because they know there are cars on roads.
(Not using contraception is like walking out without looking or listening)

wannabeawallaby Mon 01-Jul-13 20:41:18

Not taking your pill properly is not an accident IMO

I don't know anyone in real life who has got pregnancy accidentally. Plenty who just chanced it, being a bit frivolous with their contraception - but no accidents.

Corygal Mon 01-Jul-13 20:43:03

I'm shocked - and delighted - by these happy accidents! I don't know anyone who's ever been pregnant by accident - lack of contraception, yes, not wanting it, yes, but not an accident to be had.

Such lovely stories here.

Damnautocorrect Mon 01-Jul-13 20:44:56

I've a 4 year old surprise, was on the pill and took the morning after!

Solari Mon 01-Jul-13 20:47:05

None of the contraception methods are actually 100% effective, which means there will always be a small failure rate.

On a population level, even a small failure rate (say 1%) is going to result in a lot of accidental pregnancies every year.

That's not to say a lot of accidents aren't preventable or the result of carelessness, but even with perfect use, there are still accidents (including after sterilisation!)

Satnightdropout Mon 01-Jul-13 20:49:25

My first was a accident. A true accident, but also down to myown stupidness as I had come off the pill to go on implant and was under the impression that it stayed in your system for a bit longer than a week, lol.

However, I know a woman who says all 7 of her kids were "accidents"....the last one she was apparently on the pill, hadjust come off her period and used a condom - some women would kill to have her fertility, lol.

Gobbolinothewitchscat Mon 01-Jul-13 20:49:35

I'm currently pregnant with DC2. DS is 7 months.

I was breastfeeding him so my periods were very erratic and had just come back. DH and I managed a shag one morning when he was 4 mo ths old and voila!

I obviously knew that pregnancy could be a risk but I thought by the law of averages that the risk was veeeerryy small. It wasn't a disaster for us - although a bit if a shock - if it had been, I would have abstained or made sure we had used contraception

However, bearing in mind I had just turned 35, according to the daily mail I should practically be infertile, therefore I thought a one off shag would be pretty safe grin

I'm 10 days post giving birth to DS2, who was an accident. I was using the nuvaring, it was still in place when I took the pregnancy test and it hadn't been removed except to be changed since I went on it.

Total accident and I really wasn't happy to find out I was pregnant again so definitely not an 'accidently on purpose' thing.

Very happy now though.

IsThatTrue Mon 01-Jul-13 20:50:28

Dd was an accident, best damned accident of my life but an accident none the less.

I was on the pill and using condoms. She's 8yo now. Ds1 and ds2 were very much planned.

YANBU

ShowOfHands Mon 01-Jul-13 20:51:52

Your friend would have got an absolute mouthful from me I'm afraid. Well not really because I'm wholly pathetic at confrontation. I may have burst into tears. I fell pregnant accidentally. I was on the pill and using condoms. No user error. I ended up in a family planning clinic, having a panic attack and sobbing with unbridled fear. It was the worst period of my life.

How dare she?

ragged Mon 01-Jul-13 20:54:01

40% of the people living are the result of unplanned pregnancy? I think that's the statistic. Almost all of my & DH's close relatives (and us ourselves).

SmiteYouWithThunderbolts Mon 01-Jul-13 20:54:34

Three of my four children resulted from contraception malfunction.

1) mini pill, taken correctly but just didn't work
2) just condom
3) different brand mini pill plus condom hmm

My body defies contraception. DH has now had the snip!!

ReindeerBollocks Mon 01-Jul-13 20:56:29

Schro congratulations on DS2 thanks - ten days old he probably still smells of new baby smell doesn't he? <broody>

Of course accidental pregnancies can happen - even when using condoms, pill and morning after pill. The only sure fire way is to abstain, but a contraceptive failure (when used properly) that results in pregnancy is clearly accidental.

NeverKnowinglyUnderstood Mon 01-Jul-13 20:58:06

alot of the failure rates of the hormone based contraceptions are weight related.

(don's hard hat)

the mount of hormone is calculated on a certain weight of person, as an over weight lady myself (13 st @ 5ft 7") the gp suggested there is research to suggest I should perhaps be taking more than one tablet a day.

I have to be honest and say that I feel that the phrase unexpected or unplanned is correct.. rather than accident. certainly your first description of accident for me would not count as accident.

McNewPants2013 Mon 01-Jul-13 20:58:20

Its nice to hear that all pregnancy that wasn't planned have had happy outcomes.

MamaChubbyLegs Mon 01-Jul-13 21:02:19

Im petrified about getting pregnant again. High stroke risk, so no hormonal contraception for me. Condoms only.

Still, some people insinuate that I planned my surprise. What do they think I did? Stuck holes in the condoms? FGS

absentmindeddooooodles Mon 01-Jul-13 21:02:32

Fell pg with ds on the pill. Had always worked for me before. Was on it years and years and no accidents. I took it religiously at the same time every day. Was not sick, no stomach upset. No drugs or copious amounts of alcohol or anything else that could affect it for that matter. Contraception does not work all the time. The evidence is now running round my front room covered in spag Bol chasing the dog :-)

WorraLiberty Mon 01-Jul-13 21:03:18

Of course accidents happen.

But having said that, some people are just completely careless.

Not using any contraception or not using it properly and then saying you got pregnant by 'accident', is the equivalent of laying on your back in the middle of a busy motorway and saying you 'got run over by accident'.

Yes, technically it was an accident if you didn't plan either of those things

But also extremely careless.

NeverKnowinglyUnderstood Mon 01-Jul-13 21:03:57

Mama have you thuoght about sterilisation for either you or your partner?

My friend has just been sterilized after her 6th baby as she CN@T have anymore without major medical issues

Nottalotta Mon 01-Jul-13 21:04:05

I have heard of two real accidents recently. One friend wondered why she couldn't lose her mummy tummy. She had been on depo provera 12 months and found out she was pregnant with only 8 weeks to go!!! Another tried for many years, eventually had ivf for first pregnancy. Child is nearly 4 and hey Presto she's preggrs !! No she wasn't using contraception but honestly didn't think she would need to. No such luck for me.

honeytea Mon 01-Jul-13 21:05:23

I think people my mother often claim that unplanned pregnancies were accidents.

Neverknowinglyundersold, that's an interesting point about weight and if true should surely be more publicised considering how many overweight people there are. Don't think you need to don a hard hat to say something which could be quite useful to others

However I can say for myself that before my first pregnancy, and during the early stages, I was 'underweight'. Had lots of you must eat more talks from various medical people at the time, despite eating like a horse. The only period of my life where I've been overweight was after DS4, so I don't think it was a factor in my accidents.

I would class DS1 as an accident because whilst I've admitted drink and various substances were present at the time and mean I can't be certain, we generally did use contraception and didn't have much sex when drunk or on anything because he could never get it up. So to me it feels very much an accident.

I was pregnant when I was much younger, but thankfully had a mc, I would never say that was an accident because that was a total lack of contraception and just sheer stupidity. I can tell the difference,

reggiebean Mon 01-Jul-13 21:22:53

I took the pill properly (exact same time every day, without fail) for years, and was actually only on it because it helps keep my skin clear, as I had been told I wouldn't be able to get pregnant very easily, if at all.

Suddenly, I start feeling queasy and faint and mainly took a pregnancy test so the doctors could rule that out, and viola. Pregnant by accident.

Not the best of accidents, but yes, it absolutely happens.

Arseface Mon 01-Jul-13 21:29:53

Twins on the coil here.

DH has now been snipped and we're taking no chances (no shagging) till he's medically confirmed wriggler-free!

Reindeer Thanks, and yes he does. grin I can't remember DS1 smelling like that but it's a lovely smell!

However, after reading on in this thread I am now bloody petrified to ever have sex again!

NotYoMomma Mon 01-Jul-13 21:44:53

I would say your ds1 was more like playing Russian roulette with a sperm and egg tbf

course accidents happen, that woman is batshit.

I do however know two nudge wink accident women so maybe she has just met the wrong type of people previously? shrug

megsmouse Mon 01-Jul-13 21:51:57

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

williaminajetfighter Mon 01-Jul-13 22:06:41

So many of the accidents on this thread happen to women who seem to have a lot of children(in my books 4 is a lot!). So it sounds like there are a contingent of women who are very fertile and thus more 'accident prone'.

FavadiCacao Mon 01-Jul-13 22:07:26

DD happened on pill plus condoms! I used to be so punctual, I knew she was coming (ah! ah!) within two hours of missing my period!!!!! The irony: it took years before ds came along (same dad!). Accidents do happen! I love my first 'accident' and not only do I love but I'm grateful of my second 'chance'. smile

babyhmummy01 Mon 01-Jul-13 22:12:31

I am treatment, told by obs and gynae for 17 years that I was infertile and out of the blue I am pregnant, never been on pill cos it made me ill when I was a teenager and up to a brief incident with current dp where condoms failed always used them with new partners in early dayd. Few lustful encounters with dp and am apparently misguided faith in Dr's assurance and am up the duff to the tu.e of 33 week so very possible I can.assure you

Hassled Mon 01-Jul-13 22:14:03

That's an interesting point, william. I'm probably one of those - 4 DCs, 2 of whom were completely unexpected.

And TigOldBitties statistics were interesting - I think (I may well have that wrong) that her 3/2500 failure rate is 0.12%, which has some sort of logic given the 99% success rate of condoms. Have I got that right?

Swallowing Mon 01-Jul-13 22:14:40

I think that it does depend on individual interpretation of the term 'accidental' ultimately. I think 'accidental' means completely beyond your control. Already on this thread we have heard, amongst others, things like 'I didn't know that a gap of a week between coming off the pill and getting an injection would mean I could get pregnant' or 'I was very drunk, but it was still an accident'. I don't think these are accidents as they are not beyond a persons control. I think that although accidental pregnancies do indeed happen, they are much rarer than this thread would have people believe. I think many times accidental is used instead of unplanned. I think people prefer to use the term accidental as unplanned may imply carelessness or stupidity.

gettingeasiernow Mon 01-Jul-13 22:22:45

I practised natural birth control all the way through an 8 year relationship, got pregnant 9 times intentionally (misscarried eight), each time on first month of trying, and never got pregnant when not trying, having very active sex life. So I think accidents don't need to happen if you are knowledgeably practising natural bc.
That's not quite the same thing as saying a different method doesn't sometimes fail, or that you fail to implement another method properly, but I suspect the latter happens more often than the former.

YoniBottsBumgina Mon 01-Jul-13 22:28:49

Just to point out, your 3 out of 2500 isn't strictly "within the failure rate" because failure rates with contraception are based on the amount of couples who fall pregnant within a year. For most women if you are fertile and sexually active for approximately 25 years and use reliable contraception properly every single time you have sex, around 1 in 4 women will experience a contraception failure once in their life. Which is higher than you would think, and doesn't account for all the other reasons that accidental pregnancy could happen of course either.

StuntGirl Mon 01-Jul-13 22:30:23

Jesus you lot are terrifying me shock

<never having sex again>

YoniBottsBumgina Mon 01-Jul-13 22:33:16

Within a year rather than being a 1% chance of failure every time you have sex. (sorry meant to say this)

Purple2012 Mon 01-Jul-13 22:36:03

I have a friend who got pregnant using condoms, when she had th injection and with a coil.

fuckwittery Mon 01-Jul-13 22:37:05

I am currently pregnant following a split condom, and failed morning after pill (taken 12 hours later)

DD1 pregnant after we both were drunk and forgot I was on a break from my pill, so one off slip up. We were away for the weekend and chanced to with no morning after pill. So, an accident kind of.

Dd2 pregnant within a month of coil removed.

I am very fertile!

bimbabirba Mon 01-Jul-13 22:37:08

How can anyone get pregnant on the pill AND condom shock
I'm never having sex again!

YoniBottsBumgina Mon 01-Jul-13 22:37:20

Well what it basically means is that statistically on the pill you'd have to be having sex for 99 years to reliably conceive. Since this is unlikely, most women are well protected by the pill. But spread those 100 years between 4 women and statistically one of them will fall pregnant while using the pill.

Samu2 Mon 01-Jul-13 22:37:49

Well, I fell pregnant on the pill and the bloody IUD.

IUD was still in place, they took it out and I was expected to miscarriage.. it was that or risk a late term miscarriage or stillbirth. She is five now grin

I took the pill religiously too.

Samu2 Mon 01-Jul-13 22:40:27

miscarry*

ShadowStorm Mon 01-Jul-13 22:41:10

Given that no form of contraception - other than complete abstinence - is 100% effective, even when used properly, I agree that it's certainly possible to have an accidental pregnancy.

But I also think that the definition of "accidental" can get a bit blurred. And sometimes people say that the pregnancy was accidental rather than unplanned when they were being careless and not using contraception properly, or at all.

I'd guess there's probably a lot more pregnancies relating to careless (or non) use of contraception than there are relating to failure of properly used contraception.

YoniBottsBumgina Mon 01-Jul-13 22:41:13

Or does it work like that? If you roll a dice you stand a 1 in 6 chance of rolling a 3. So if you roll the dice 6 times there's a high probability that there will be a 3 in there, but not 100%. (brain explodes) Maybe I need to read up more on probability?

EMUZ Mon 01-Jul-13 22:44:43

<pops in, makes face of horror, exits thread>
So I've just had a copper coil in, I'm using that along with persona to track my cycle. Should be safe... But after reading this I'm tempted to throw condoms in the mix too grin

bimbabirba Mon 01-Jul-13 22:46:16

But Samu, did you forget to take a pill? Or was the IUD not fitter properly?
Honestly I'm struggling to believe how that can happen to someone who takes the pill properly. Doesn't it thicken the lining of the womb and prevents implantation as well as most of the times inhibiting ovulation? If you combine these two with a barrier method or an IUD then I find it hard to believe!

chickenliversfortea Mon 01-Jul-13 22:47:20

It would be hard to have 3 by accident though? If the pill didn't work for the first one or two one would assume you'd change contraception.

Think it is quite easy to have babies whilst using condoms as "proper" usage can be tricky.

Perhaps she is making the point that now with morning after pill and early pregnancy abortions pills having a baby is more of a choice than an inevitable outcome.

Samu2 Mon 01-Jul-13 22:50:04

I didn't forget to take the pill at all. Wasn't on antibiotics either.

The IUD was perfectly in place. I had a scan to check the placement when I got the positive pregnancy test. It was exactly where it was meant to be.

Ahh.. sorry, I wasn't on the IUD and the pill at the same time. They were two different pregnancies.

StuntGirl Mon 01-Jul-13 22:50:32

I'm tempted to kick my partner out to the spare bedroom. Don't even want to risk sharing the bed now grin

I do agree sometimes people say accident when thats not what they mean. I remember my friend telling me how he was shocked and surprised that his wife was pregnant. Eventually turns out they had NEVER used contraception. I told him my only surprise was it took so long to happen!

Yoni I'm shit with anything maths or science related, maybe that's why I keep getting knocked up, but I just based those statistics on my own assumptions. I did have a feeling I'd be wrong.

I still don't think 3 in 2500 is a particularly high amount if you just say contraception snt 100% effective without taking into account the specific failure rates.

bimbabirba Mon 01-Jul-13 22:50:52

Phew!

iamadoozermum Mon 01-Jul-13 22:51:41

EMUZ I'm right now breastfeeding DC4 conceived with a copper coil in situ. Had it removed once pregnancy was confirmed and doctor said it was in exactly the right place and had been in for two years so she had no idea why it hadn't worked. Apparently, if the coil fails it usually happens in the first couple of months and is because it has moved out of position. DH has said we're never having sex again (not sure how long that is actually going to last for grin).

Samu2 Mon 01-Jul-13 22:52:54

And dh is snipped now.

HeffalumpTheFlump Mon 01-Jul-13 22:53:24

I would very much disagree with your friend as I am currently 25 weeks pregnant, and it was very much an accidental conception!!

I have PCOS and expected to have to ttc for years, so when we had one split condom I was not really concerned. I hadn't had a period for 4 months, due to the pcos so had no way to tell if I was ovulating or not. This baby was definitely meant to be as I fell pregnant from that one split condom. The chances of that happening in my situation still boggle my mind!

Very much an accident though!!

Oh and i did think this earlier but just made the same mistake again.

It's 2 in 2500 as Ds1 is with a different man.

I probably am quite fertile but I don't have any way of measuring this.

StuntGirl Mon 01-Jul-13 22:57:31

I think your 4 kids are a good measure grin

reggiebean Mon 01-Jul-13 22:57:43

bimbabirba Yes, in theory, that's what the pill does, but it clearly doesn't always work. I wasn't ill before I became pregnant so didn't throw up a pill, and I have an alarm that goes off on my phone, so I actually take it within a 5 minute window of the same time every single day. I was 22 or 23 when it happened, so it certainly wasn't because I had sex more than the probability allows for!

YoniMatopoeia Mon 01-Jul-13 22:57:52

My dd was conceived while I had a merina coil - in the right place.

Accidents do happen.

quoteunquote Mon 01-Jul-13 23:00:19

my happy accident is 22 working in london on his break from uni,

we were using lots of contraception, we were very very surprised, my friends took the mick as I was always the one making sure everyone was using several forms of contraception,

the smallest cell in the human body is a sperm, (the largest an egg), tricky little things, it is impressive that contraception works as well as it does.

tabulahrasa Mon 01-Jul-13 23:04:56

I know someone who conceived a few years after her DH got the all clear from a vasectomy...that seems pretty accidental to me, lol.

Stunt my 5 don't seem like that much. I'm one of 8, all but 2 of my siblings have at least 4 children, some have 6 or 7. DH is one of 11 and his siblings pop out kids like there is no contraception.

I would be intrigued to know if I was more fertile than the average, whatever that is. Then if so, if that has influenced my accidents or if it was just a couple of lucky shots.

Samu2 Mon 01-Jul-13 23:05:57

My daughter is actually 4 not 5 smile

My mil did accuse me of taking my IUD out and putting it back in again confused which was stupid, if I had wanted another child I would have just had it removed properly. I suffered with hyperemesis with my 4th and feared getting pregnant again and dh was on the waiting list for the snip.

Weegiemum Mon 01-Jul-13 23:17:23

I had an accident, mirena coil failure. I'd been advised the mirena as I'd been very unwell with kidney problems in my pg with ds, and was told it was more reliable than having my tubes tied, especially with he risked of anaesthetic at that point. Dh was on waiting list.

Once I found out I was pg with dc3, and my kidney problems came back (I was offered a 2nd trimester termination, and lucky to keep both kidneys), dh was bumped up the list and had the vasectomy "all clear" before dd2 was born (this isn't normal policy, but another pregnancy might have killed me).

Even with the vas all clear I had another mirena and used condoms until a year+ of dh's neg test.

Nicest accident of my life, but I wouldn't relish going through the pregnancy and 2.5 years of recovery again!

olgaga Mon 01-Jul-13 23:18:03

An awful lot of the "accidents" described here sound rather inevitable!

quoteunquote Mon 01-Jul-13 23:26:05

I was on pill, condom and cap(and jelly), turns out that pill does nothing to me, and DS1 father, has one ball and has never had another child since, they have given up now, we felt at the time it must be a determined sort of baby, one of the factors in not going through with an abortion.

one of my friends who is a midwife has seen so many coils in placentas, she has banned her daughters from rely on them.

HappyMummyOfOne Mon 01-Jul-13 23:28:50

Unplanned pregnancies i believe happen but not accidental ones. You take the risk having sex that you may become pregnant. Lots of stories on here are not accidents.

YoniBottsBumgina Mon 01-Jul-13 23:42:31

OP you do sound very fertile grin I wasn't having a go re the maths part, am now trying to work it out but getting myself in a muddle. For me 3 contraception failures in 2500 times of having sex is pretty high. I find the planned ones hard enough sad

Buildershateme Tue 02-Jul-13 00:16:47

Stop talking about coil failures damn you, I'm four days late and la la la la not worried for all I'm worth.

olidusUrsus Tue 02-Jul-13 01:06:44

I agree olgaga!

musicmadness Tue 02-Jul-13 01:27:18

I believe in accidental pregnancy but I can understand how people can be very skeptical. I know a woman who claims that 7 of her pregnancies were accidental. I honestly don't think that it can happen that many times if you are correctly using contraception (and according to her multiple methods have all failed).

MrsMook Tue 02-Jul-13 01:27:29

Product of nieve teenage firsy relationship reporting in.

My friend (19 at the time) was in an ambulance with suspected appendicitus. The ambulance man thought differently... It was labour. Adds a new meaning to having a "suprise"
There was the solider last year who "randomly" had an unexpected baby at 7 months pg while on active service.

nooka Tue 02-Jul-13 01:43:17

Thing is though as those who try to conceive for a while can tell you, having sex does not equal getting pregnant, so the one off mistake leading to pregnancy can be very unexpected.

My dd was certainly unplanned, and I would say that she was a bit of a (happy) accident. But she was the result of a single incident of unprotected sex. ds was pretty little and I'd not long stopped breastfeeding. I thought the chances of me getting pregnant were small. I suspect that over the ten odd years that dh and I had been having sex before that there must have been occasions when I wasn't fully protected as I'd never been that careful with the pill, but I'd not even had a late period once.

Dictionary definition: An unfortunate incident that happens unexpectedly and unintentionally

We didn't expect or intend to have dd (at least not then), so I don't think that saying the pregnancy was accidental is incorrect.

Swallowing Tue 02-Jul-13 03:55:15

I am not sure you are necessarily more fertile than average OP. your first accident doesn't sound like much of an accident, and you say yourself that you had many years of success with the pill. I think human error is a more likely scenario in most of these 'accidental' pregnancies reported in this thread

Swallowing Tue 02-Jul-13 03:59:56

Nooka, you call it an accident, I call it carelessness. I am not having a go, but I think this illustrates that many 'accidents' are completely avoidable, which is why many people don't believe true accidents are all that prevalent. Having unprotected sex may equal pregnancy, that is just basic biology, it is definately NOT unintentional.

raisah Tue 02-Jul-13 04:02:25

I had 1 out of 2, was planning a 3/4 age gap between my kids rather than the 2 year gap I have now.

nooka Tue 02-Jul-13 04:50:40

Well the sex was definitely intentional. The pregnancy less so smile

Most accidents are caused by carelessness, when our children knock things over unintentionally don't most people say 'it was an accident'?

Car crashes etc, mostly called accidents (except for the rare occasions when someone deliberately aims to crash) often caused by stupidity, often claimed to be 'an accident waiting to happen'.

I would hazard a guess that the majority of accidents are avoidable.

On the other hand my dh's cousin claimed that all of four/five? of her pregnancies were caused by a condom splitting, which frankly seemed unlikely.

TheRealFellatio Tue 02-Jul-13 05:10:45

I definitely believe that accidental pregnancies exist - I know because I've had one. But I think they are rarely as the result of cast iron birth control gone wrong. They are usually accidents resulting from a degree of negligence - as was mine. It certainly was an accident but it was also 100% caused by my own stupidity. I took a chance with BC thinking I was at a safe time of the month (not very regularly but I had done it more than once, although usually months apart.) But as far as I'm concerned it was an accident because I didn't mean it to happen and I didn't want it to happen.

So I suppose it depends on what your definition of genuine 'accident' is.

I also believe (in fact I know) that many women claim a pregnancy was accidental when it absolutely was not. Very often when people have birth control 'slip ups' it's willful, deliberate negligence with a large dose of wishful thinking. You can usually tell the ones who secretly wanted to get 'accidentally' PG because they are the ones who despite claiming they are devastated, shocked etc, are adamant they can't have an abortion.

Not always, the case, but very very often.

BubaMarra Tue 02-Jul-13 08:30:26

Condoms have failure rate, okay. It's small, but still exists. Other means of contraception have their failure rate. Small, but exists. But what is a JOINT probability of condom AND pill failure? Miniscule, I'd say. Statistically, far lower than this thread would suggest.

cory Tue 02-Jul-13 08:36:03

Even a minuscule probability, if it exists at all, will happen to somebody.

There are medical conditions so rare that only a handful of people have them. Statistically, therefore, the likelihood of any one of those people having them is minuscule. But it doesn't make them liars.

Quite a few people on this thread have got pregnant with a correctly positioned coil. So how did they manage their negligence?

reggiebean Tue 02-Jul-13 08:36:54

I'm really surprised at some of the posts on here. Yes, I agree not using any form of bc cannot be referred to as an accident, but I feel like I really have to justify that my pregnancy was completely an accident, in any sense of the word. No, I didn't have a "slip up" in my birth control, I was devastated and terrified when I found out, and I did have an abortion because it was such an unwelcome accident.

So yes, it happens, and not just to bunny boilers who are trying to ensnare men.

BubaMarra Tue 02-Jul-13 08:43:25

cory, I wasn't saying that miniscule is equal to zero. Mathematically, that would be nonsense. As I said in the last sentence of my previous post, that probability is far lower than this thread would suggest. Did I anywhere claimed it was zero? Did I calimed that ANY mean of contraception is 100% succesful? No.

samandi Tue 02-Jul-13 09:09:19

Of course it does. Three accidental pregnancies is quite unusual though, I'd imagine.

samandi Tue 02-Jul-13 09:12:29

On the other hand my dh's cousin claimed that all of four/five? of her pregnancies were caused by a condom splitting, which frankly seemed unlikely.

Perhaps try a better brand of condoms? confused Or another method of contraception altogether?

SanityClause Tue 02-Jul-13 09:19:32

I fell pregnant on the Mirena. My GP said afterwards that if 100 women were on the Mirena for 100 years, one of them would fall pregnant.

People get pregnant when their partner has had a vasectomy, FFS.

Of course accidental pregnancy can happen.

Careless pregnancy can also happen, of course, but that's different. I would describe your first pregnancy as "careless", TBH.

Bearfrills Tue 02-Jul-13 09:53:19

YANBU, accidents do happen and often carelessness falls under the heading of accidental - anything you weren't planing to happen is generally referred to as an accident.

There will always seem to be loads of people with accidental pregnancies on these threads because purely by their nature they'll draw in people with that experience.

Crinkle77 Tue 02-Jul-13 15:07:52

What some people claim is an accident on here astounds me. 'Oh mine was deffo an accident. I thought it was a safe time of the month...' Really? It was not an accident then. You had unprotected sex so was hardly an accident.

BeeMom Tue 02-Jul-13 15:55:28

Well, whether sterilised using contraception or doing it free as nature, one thing MUST occur to become pregnant, and that can't happen "accidentally". So... technically, she must believe she is right.

My pregnancy with my son was unplanned, but not an accident. I had intercourse with my husband, and sometimes intercourse makes babies hmm .

My daughter, OTOH, was very much a surprise. It was 4 months after I suffered a spinal cord injury, I was taking oral contraceptives faithfully, and was on a course of antibiotics. The chemist neglected to tell me that the antibiotics might render my birth control pills ineffective. Oops. Still - technically not accidental, though, as that one piece of the puzzle still had to be added. Contraceptive pill + antibiotics =/= pregnancy. Contraceptive pill + antibiotics + intercourse = new bundle of joy grin

Well as someone said earlier, the Oxford dictionary definition is: An [unfortunate] incident that happens unexpectedly and unintentionally, typically resulting in damage or injury.

That doesn't mean if its preventable something isn't an accident, because then you could say that about every accident down to the nth degree; you shouldn't have got in the car that day, you shouldn't have left the house t that day, you shouldn't have put the oven on at that exact time.

There's an element of risk in most things we do and a large proportion of accidents can be blamed on a human error or choice somewhere along the line.

As far as I'm concerned you can have sex without planning or expecting to get pregnant, such as because you're using birth control (presumably in what you believe to be in an effective way, it usually only later you find out you might not have been). Therefore if you didn't plan or expect the pregnancy it's an accident.

Just because its not an accident you would have, it doesn't mean it isn't an accident, it just means that you've a different approach. To use the car analogy one more time, 100 people might drive along a road, with a small percentage misjudging the bend, doesn't mean it's not an accident because others passed it with ease, just that some were unfortunate, they may be fine on another stretch of road where some other drivers aren't.

4 out of 5 were unplanned for me ( I prefer the term "unplanned", I'd hate my children to think they were "accidents"). The first I was taking the pill (although may have missed some) and using condoms as well, the second was planned and took 3 years to conceive. The third, we thought would take longer than 2 weeks off the pill (so not really unplanned so much as a surprise!). The 4th, I was depo and the fifth I had a coil - which obviously didn't work either - now we'll see how a vasectomy works out. All I can say is "I love my accidents"!! grin

Swallowing Tue 02-Jul-13 17:01:06

But if you do something to prevent an accident ie, use contraception correctly (and not be too drunk to remember) then yes it is an accidental pregnancy. Your first pregnancy, whilst not planned, could have been prevented, therefore it was not an accident. I guess this is why many people don't believe that accidental pregnances are that prevalent, many could be prevented.

MrsZoidberg Tue 02-Jul-13 17:24:46

Hmmm all you going on about "accidents" after DH's snip are scaring the hell out of me shock

I have not had a period for 42 days, but put it down to menopause. I did not at any stage contemplate any other scenario. Shit, I knew I shouldn't had clicked on this thread, I'm now going to have to POAS.

internationallove985 Tue 02-Jul-13 18:23:17

Of course accidental pregnancies can happen. Contraception can fail. The same may happen to her! She like right closed minded and judgemental bitch. xx

allbie Tue 02-Jul-13 19:38:58

Just to be absolutely sure we would stop our accidents...as lovely as they are...I was sterilised after DH had his second vasectomy!! Ho!

Ruby1080 Tue 02-Jul-13 22:05:35

I think there's just a lot of confusion over terminology. A lot of the situations people are describing here are human error, not birth control failures. All of them might have been unplanned, but some more preventable than others.

dementedmumof6 Tue 02-Jul-13 23:13:19

Accidents happen my 1st was unplanned condom split took morning after pill and still became pregnant 2nd and 3rd planned 4th a definite accident, had my tubes tied, waited the month the doctor told me to before having sex without condoms and fell pregnant the first time I did, it seems i'm the one in 200. then fell pregnant while on the pill and using condoms and unfortunately lost that baby, so baby 5 and 6 were then planned, and now have had my tubes removed completely so no chance of further accidents

TheDoctrineOfAllan Tue 02-Jul-13 23:39:55

POAS, MrsZ, g'wan g'wan!

meboo Wed 03-Jul-13 01:02:44

Of course there are no accidents, if you have sex, regardless of contraception you stand a chance of becoming pregnant - that is not an accident it is a deliberate act.

nooka Wed 03-Jul-13 01:46:21

The sex was deliberate. The potential for getting pregnant is a risk that you run. People seem to be using the term 'accident' with regard to pregnancy in a completely different way to normal circumstances.

I had an accidental pregnancy due to a birth control cock up. I am totally responsible for dd coming along when she did, but it was completely unplanned and not my/our intention to get pregnant at that time. Fits the dictionary definition of accident as the pregnancy was to us 'unexpected and unintentional'. Perhaps it shouldn't have been unexpected, but most people I knew at the time spent months getting pregnant especially after recently breastfeeding (years in the case of both my sisters and my mother) so I really did not think we were running a very high risk.

nooka Wed 03-Jul-13 01:47:13

Made me paranoid after dd was born though. I really was only able to relax after dh got the snip.

courgetteDOTcom Wed 03-Jul-13 02:36:05

Eldest stepson was a condom failure. My first pregnancy was on the pill. My most recent we weren't even having sex blush confused which proves my theory we get pregnant by talking about it! I made the mistake of pointing out my period was two weeks before our wedding and we would have a honeymoon baby... 6 months later along comes our baby. By dates I was pregnant two days before the wedding. I was starving him because we're too fertile for him not to get the snip (thrombophiliac so limited options) he only has himself to blame that a year later he still hadn't been donehmm when I've been trying to get him there 5 years.

Orangebirdonatable Wed 03-Jul-13 06:41:14

I agree that many of these stories are not accidental pregnanies.

I had an unplanned pregnancy when using the withdrawal method. It was not an accident.

foreverondiet Wed 03-Jul-13 06:57:30

A lot of accidents aren't really accidents - but sloppy use contraceptives but yes some extremely fertile couples do get pregnant by accident even when using contraception.

YummyYummyYum Wed 03-Jul-13 12:13:35

Accidents happen. My MIL says she had 3 accidents. One regular pill, second coil, and 3rd mini pill. Only 1st one planned. She had a hysterectomy after the 4th. She did not want to take more risks.

peanutMD Wed 03-Jul-13 12:19:28

I was a pill/condom failure.
My brother was a coil failure.
My sister was planned BUT her ID twin was not grin

ICBINEG Wed 03-Jul-13 12:23:09

If you are using contraceptives as intended then a pregnancy is an accident in the same way that a car accident is an accident.

You cannot have a car accident without leaving you house, so you make a deliberate decision to do so....it is still an accident if something happens.

courgetteDOTcom Wed 03-Jul-13 16:22:59

Can I just point out, we weren't having sex (yes he's his!) with my youngest, not even withdrawal. I'm convinced we get pregnant by discussing it. He's just way too fertile!

olidusUrsus Wed 03-Jul-13 17:37:52

Courgette, are you seriously saying you didn't have sex but managed to conceive a child?

courgetteDOTcom Wed 03-Jul-13 17:54:00

I'm not saying we were holding hands and kissing, but from my last period to when I got pregnant we hadn't had sex, I had enough scans to know dates were exactly right from my last period. You can get pregnant without PIV.

honeytea Wed 03-Jul-13 18:27:26

Courgette that is amazing! I would have called him Jesus if that had happened to me!

ComposHat Wed 03-Jul-13 18:28:46

Stupidest comment ever as a result of 'surprise' pregnancy: my husband was getting a vasectomy next week. A bit like driving a car with no brakes and saying 'I was going to get them fixed next week' when the inevitable crash happens.

This was from an intelligent woman too.

Gooeyhead Wed 03-Jul-13 18:43:45

I'm in the "have sex you run the risk of getting pregnant" camp... I don't think "accidental pregnancy" is the right wording here; listening to your stories then I'd say "a shock/surprise pregnancy" rather than an accident!!

Solari Wed 03-Jul-13 18:58:48

Accidental pregnancy without sex is indeed possible, although very rare. All it takes is for Ingredient A (sperm) to meet Ingredient B (egg), and the little swimmers can be quite lively. A drop or two transferred via finger to the vagina (or even in close proximity), can quite happily make their way all the way up into the womb given helpful (moist) conditions.

Rare though!

HeffalumpTheFlump Wed 03-Jul-13 19:18:01

One of my DH's friends had to take the father of her baby to court because he did not believe he was the father. They had never had sex, but he was the only person she had had any sexual contact with. She paid for a private DNA and he accused her of faking it. Finally it was proven in court that he was the father. I have to admit I would be pretty dubious in that situation too!! Now that's definitely an accidental pregnancy!!

expatinscotland Wed 03-Jul-13 19:18:04

There are many many accidents on MN.

gindrinker Wed 03-Jul-13 20:52:19

I think there are accidents and 'accidents'.
If you get pregnant with the implant/IUD/ injection, then you've taken reasonable precautions and getting pregnant although possible isn't very likely. Classed as an accident.
Taking the pill irregularly, using condoms badly etc is taking your life in your own hands.
Not using contraception and chancing it is just irresponsible or trying to have a baby without actually discussing it. Laws of averages state that you'll loose the game at some point.

Then there are the loons who stop taking the pill/stab holes in condoms is play the 'accident card'

I'm 29 and I've never had a scare let alone take a pregnancy test to rule it out.

KobayashiMaru Wed 03-Jul-13 20:59:46

Of course there are accidents, but the vast majority are human error, not true contraceptive failures. Once you've had one accidental pregnancy, you need to get a bit more careful. After two, you're going to get a raised eyebrow or two, unsurprisingly.

Namechanger012345 Wed 03-Jul-13 23:47:37

Getting pregnant while using condoms or the pill doesn't automatically mean you have committed some kind of "user error" and done something incorrectly. Just annoyed by some of the suggestions that people who get pregnant while using these methods are somehow just being sloppy and careless angry I think I'm taking some of these comments overly personally but I recently had a completely accidental pregnancy while using condoms and I was not being careless. I wonder if it was one of those far fetched scenarios with a bit of sperm on a finger or something as mentioned above. Certainly there was no breakage or any noticeable failure. In the end I decided to have an abortion and it was a really really horrible time. I would hate to think anyone thinks I brought this all on by my own sloppiness because I didn't.

courgetteDOTcom Thu 04-Jul-13 00:05:08

No contraception is 100% used perfectly.

Did anyone read a few years who the couple who had both been sterilised several times? I've also heard one that got pregnant and carried after a hysterectomy, sex the night before the op and implanted inside her. Usually those aren't viable but it landed somewhere safe.

TheDoctrineOfAllan Thu 04-Jul-13 00:06:54

Gin, KobayashiMaru (have you read the book of that name too?) - some couples are more fertile than others though, so we might all be having accidents all the time eg sperm on the outside of the condom, a duff pill that missed having any hormone in it or whatever BUT we are lucky in that sperm didn't happen to meet egg.

Have friends who had to have fairly extensive medical intervention to have their first then got pregnant with their second after one condom free shag. Not an accident per se but unexpected (and luckily welcome, if shocking at first).

TheDoctrineOfAllan Thu 04-Jul-13 00:07:57

Namechanger, that's sad, sorry that happened.

Mamagiraffe Mon 08-Jul-13 03:43:45

9 months ago me and my (supposedly infertile) husband (as he is now) had a condom break and took the morning after pill (you can see where this is going can't you? ;-)) ... I type this on my phone in bed next to hewhosnoresalot whilst I'm pretty sure I'm in the early stages of labour!

kickassangel Mon 08-Jul-13 04:45:11

I think that there are real accidents, where all sensible precautions have been taken, and only complete abstinence could be safer.

However, I have also heard of a LOT of 'accidents' which were carelessness. I have also heard people say they had a car accident when they are clearly feckless. I think some people are just better at accepting responsibility than others.

So I can understand someone being skeptical about accidents, but it is still rude to say it to someone.

Just as an aside, why is it so often the women who get frowned upon for getting pregnant? I'm assuming there was a man around somewhere for the accident to happen.

Reading the adoption pages of monkeyworld... Some of the monkeys born in monkey world were the result of contraception failure!

CuppaSarah Mon 08-Jul-13 13:38:17

DD wasn't an accident, but we weren't actually ttc. We discussed the possibility of children. Decided it was something we did both want, but we also weren't in such a rush we were going to get onto ttc. We started using early withdrawal and natural rhythming, knowing it was always a possibility.

But we tell people she was a lovely accident because it's much shorter to explain and people aren't really that interested.

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