To ask you where to bury/hide the body

(53 Posts)
FrustratedSycamoresRocks Mon 01-Jul-13 19:55:53

Since I'm not going to LTB, I have cryogenically frozen DH until a cure for annoy-the-wife-itus is found. In the meantime where can I bury/hide him that won't raise suspicions?


SantanaLopez Mon 01-Jul-13 19:56:53

Madame Tussauds?

FrustratedSycamoresRocks Mon 01-Jul-13 19:57:53

Might be an issue with getting him there on public transport...

ItsAllGoingToBeFine Mon 01-Jul-13 19:59:54

Have you tried asking Siri?

ColinFirthsGirth Mon 01-Jul-13 20:00:16

You could pop him somewhere in your house and use him as a coat hook.

dementedma Mon 01-Jul-13 20:02:10

Whack him with a hammer until he shatter a into tiny shards then keep in a shoe box

SuffolkNWhat Mon 01-Jul-13 20:03:46

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Shop window display as a dummy?

Flossiechops Mon 01-Jul-13 20:05:28

No idea but can you tell me how you do it so I can freeze my twat of a husband too?!

missorinoco Mon 01-Jul-13 20:09:39

Take inspiration from Star Wars, and put him on a wall as your favorite display. When questioned, laugh and say you have frozen him in carbonite. No one will believe you actually did it.

Tee2072 Mon 01-Jul-13 20:15:18

I have plans for my patio slabs and my husband some days.

Would you care to come see if it will suit? Then you can say he's away on business.

babybearsmummy Mon 01-Jul-13 20:17:44

Strap sme wheels and a motor to him and send him round with the Hoover? May as well make use while you still have him

ipswichwitch Mon 01-Jul-13 20:21:50

Prop him up in the local park with an upturned hat in front and claim he's a human statue. They stay still for a very long time. It has the added bonus of making you some money while you wait for science to cure him of the annoying tendencies

FrustratedSycamoresRocks Mon 01-Jul-13 20:46:40

Siri wants to offer me a metal foundry.

Tiny shards in a shoe box might work if i was any good at jigzaws (for when i find the cure)

The statue in a park sounds good, maybe I could use him as a bird feeder?

Put him beside a window, one where he'd be out of the way. That way you'd never get burgled.

OnTheNingNangNong Mon 01-Jul-13 20:53:01

I always think of the patio, it's plenty big enough.

Nagoo Mon 01-Jul-13 20:55:42

Steal your neighbour's wheelie bin.

WafflyVersatile Mon 01-Jul-13 20:56:37

Sit him cross-legged outside a tube station with an empty coffee cup in front of him and watch everyone carefully not see him.

GrimmaTheNome Mon 01-Jul-13 20:58:45

Lying on the sofa - if you can get the TV remote into his frozen hand.

Pennyacrossthehall Mon 01-Jul-13 20:59:04

WafflyVersatile Sit him cross-legged outside a tube station with an empty coffee cup in front of him and watch everyone carefully not see him.

The winner.

ivykaty44 Mon 01-Jul-13 21:00:35

text all your friends and ask for their ideas?

DespicableMa Mon 01-Jul-13 21:01:33

Put him in IKEA, in one of their bedroom displays. You can buy some new glasses and more bag clip thingys when you pick him up!

FrustratedSycamoresRocks Mon 01-Jul-13 21:02:30

Ooh nagoo I could do that, my neighbour is away.

waffly definatey a winner!

And if I stick him in the wheely bin I can get him there on the train.

In the middle of a large roundabout, it's best if you can find an overgrown one as no one will see you digging the hole

headlesslambrini Mon 01-Jul-13 21:09:41

Do you like Christmas? If so, then stick some tinsel on him, a couple of baubles, a fairy on top and a string of lights flashing grin

At least he won't drop any needles and you can tell your friends that you are road-testing the very latest in Christmas trees for next year.

ICantRememberWhatSheSaid Mon 01-Jul-13 21:11:35

How about in a cemetery right under their noses and all that...

McNewPants2013 Mon 01-Jul-13 21:12:14

sending him busking as a living statue, may as well make some money while he is frozen

Wouldn't he begin to defrost if left in the open? It would make a right mess if he dripped all over the carpet.

ChasingDogs Mon 01-Jul-13 21:19:13

I was going to suggest the obvious "feed to pigs and muck spread the results over several acres" or "drop in a slurry pit". That might be a little permanent though if you're planning on defrosting him.

Are you sure you want to save him for later?

marriedinwhiteagain Mon 01-Jul-13 21:21:24

Cupboard under the stairs.

FayeKorgasm Mon 01-Jul-13 21:23:58

Mine's going in our septic tankgrin

LetsFaceTheMusicAndDance Mon 01-Jul-13 21:33:34

Just donate him. There are lots of single women out there who'd be glad of the chance/still have the enegy to train him up.

If he's too atrocious to inflict on others, freeze him in a sitting position and LTB on a bus.

FrustratedSycamoresRocks Mon 01-Jul-13 23:17:14

letsfaceit if it was possible to train him I'd have managed in already.

Hmm graveyard is an idea.

Cupboard under the stairs... Aka the garage.. Not enough room with all the crap he still hasn't cleaned out from there.

quoteunquote Mon 01-Jul-13 23:44:09

Inside one of these babies

Then you can put him where ever you want.

FrustratedSycamoresRocks Mon 01-Jul-13 23:46:02

Wow quote. What are they; giant jelly babies? And where so I find one?

MortifiedAdams Mon 01-Jul-13 23:46:39

Six feet under a dead dog. Police dogs will pick up a scent, a dead dog will be dug up and no one will think to look deeper. Mwah ha ha.

«scares self»

lookoveryourshouldernow Mon 01-Jul-13 23:55:49

... the way things are going you will only need just a little DNA from him - steal it while he is not looking and recycle the rest !!!

Your biggest problem will be to work out whether he is vegetable, mineral or animal - so you can recycle him appropriately - around here the recycling operatives are a little sniffy about putting stuff in the wrong bins...

You could always make him into a diamond though after capturing the DNA - that's if you get fed up of dusting the corpse.

..but by then they may even have mastered the art of doctoring DNA to remove any annoying traits.... and you can then just specify those attributes that you need/want ...

amazingmumof6 Tue 02-Jul-13 00:00:24


amazingmumof6 Tue 02-Jul-13 00:02:01


amazingmumof6 Tue 02-Jul-13 00:02:38

wherever - but the key is to hide it in plain sight.

Needtostopbuyingcrap Tue 02-Jul-13 00:10:55

Use him as a washing line prop, a door stop etc... The list is endless.

timidviper Tue 02-Jul-13 00:14:24

Buy a suit of armour, pop him in it, stand him in the hallway and pretend you live in a stately home

quoteunquote Tue 02-Jul-13 11:34:45

I do actually know the guy who made them for the artist.

amazingmumof6 Wed 03-Jul-13 01:05:45

can you shape him then throw a blanket over him and use him as a chair or table etc.

if you freeze him while he is horny you can use him as a lawn game, throwing little hoops onto his manwood.

I have the perfect spot for when dp finally tips me over the edge. There's a copse of trees near us with two really deep ponds. No one ever goes there so even if he floated up the chances of him being found are miniscule.

Not that I've thought about this a lot or anything <whistles innocently>

AudrinaAdare Wed 03-Jul-13 01:19:43

I think you either need to eat all the evidence (pets can help) or unfreeze him and have him fall off a bridge. Hiding bodies is very tricky.

AudrinaAdare Wed 03-Jul-13 01:25:08

"I have the perfect spot for when dp finally tips me over the edge" grin

SummerRain that sounds wonderful. If I win the lottery I will be looking for just such a feature when house-hunting.

badbride Wed 03-Jul-13 06:41:09

In the House of Lords, preferably amont the Lords Spiritual. He'll fit right in grin

badbride Wed 03-Jul-13 06:41:24

among. Sorry

All I'd do is buckle him into the passenger seat of the car, drive out into the middle of the Northern Territory, travel off the road for a good twenty kilometres, open the door and <push>

However, if we're going for retrievable, I'd take him to the museum, dress him in an appropriate period costume and place him in one of the glass cabinets.
After, of course, shaving his beard and cutting his ponytail into the appropriate styles.

LimitedEditionLady Wed 03-Jul-13 07:37:07

Just stand him at your window so people know theres always someone in.

RollerCola Wed 03-Jul-13 07:43:17

Hire him out for Ann Summers parties?

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