to wonder what some people are doing on an internet forum when they're not remotely interested in having an honest discussion about anything?

(90 Posts)
Lottapianos Mon 01-Jul-13 13:41:27

I keep reading the following or similar....

'Get a life'
'Get a grip'
'Well if that's all you have to worry about.....'
'You can always switch over/don't have to watch it'
And my personal anti-favourite:
'You're overthinking it' angry

I'm not perfect - I sometimes start reading a thread and then decide I can't be arsed any more so I move on and don't leave a comment. I don't decide to tear the poster to shreds on my way out though.

Why on earth do people make these ridiculous, fatuous, completely unhelpful comments? They are just more or less polite ways of saying 'shut up and stop feeling what you're feeling'. Just because you have no empathy and can't wrap your brain around someone else's point of view doesnt mean that they are wrong and have no right to feel how they do. By all means disagree but do it honestly and put some effort into the discussion instead of just brushing people aside.

OK, that was therapeutic. Thank you for reading smile

BoysBoysBoysAndMe Mon 01-Jul-13 13:43:14

You're over thinking itgrin

SugarandSpice126 Mon 01-Jul-13 13:44:07

Well if that's all you have to worry about.....


skintandfedup Mon 01-Jul-13 13:48:21

I think 'get a grip' is an apt response in some cases.

flowery Mon 01-Jul-13 13:48:50

Sometimes the OP of a thread needs to know she's overthinking something, although I tend to agree with you about your other examples.

LuisSuarezTeeth Mon 01-Jul-13 13:48:55

Expressing an opinion? Even if you don't like it.

livinginwonderland Mon 01-Jul-13 13:57:19

But most of them do need to get a grip.

WhatHo Mon 01-Jul-13 13:59:07

I love the word 'fatuous'. That's all I have to say really.

Was that a useful contribution?

Some peoople like to be snippy.

The world would be a far duperior place if we were all Pags.

doingthesplitz Mon 01-Jul-13 14:01:57

It always makes me laugh when the title of a thread makes it perfectly clear what the subject matter is and some idiot goes to a the trouble of opening it in order to respond that they have no interest in the subject matter whatsoever. I presume they think it makes them sound all lofty and superior but they just sound like knobs.

I completely agree OP, I'm often amazed people go to the effort of posting something that adds nothing at all to the thread, all the ones that say 'FFS' for example.

Although am now concerned that this very post is guilty of this...

mrsjay Mon 01-Jul-13 14:02:36

apart from over thinking it I sort of agree with you people do overthink things panic and get worked up so people sometimes say oh I think you are over thinking and need to calm down it is about getting things into perspective imo, although I do think get a grip and biscuit comments are bloody rude but hey ho we would all be boring if we all agreed

mrsjay Mon 01-Jul-13 14:03:24

love the word 'fatuous'. That's all I have to say really.

I dont know what it means blush

Thurlow Mon 01-Jul-13 14:04:34

Nah, I agree. I think sometimes the OP needs to be told to get a grip or that they are worrying about something completely trivial. But other times I think some posters enjoy replying with pretty harsh and unhelpful comments and I think -really, what was the point?

But then it's a public forum and people are entitled to say whatever they want to.

Fenton Mon 01-Jul-13 14:07:02

Some people do come here and comment just to be snippy, I've seen it. Sometimes they grow out of it, sometimes not.

I really truly hate to see 'get a grip' thrown at anyone, I lose all respect for anyone who posts that.

WhatHo Mon 01-Jul-13 14:22:54

MrsJay - stupid and pointless. But to me it looks like that's what it should mean. Not onomatopoeic, more a silly-shaped word.

BackforGood Mon 01-Jul-13 14:25:05

I think most of those responses 'have their place', at times, as do the funny ones as do the slightly sarky ones (in the right place), as do the supportive ones, as, indeed, do even some of the sickly sweet ones. There's thousands of threads on here every day, it's difficult to know in what circumstances you don't think it's appropriate people be allowed to offer their opinion, and when they do.

limitedperiodonly Mon 01-Jul-13 14:28:45

I told someone to switch off if they don't want to watch the other day.

They were complaining about an important news story concerning someone they didn't like.

I explained why it was being covered, though I was puzzled as to why anyone would need that pointing out.

TVTonight Mon 01-Jul-13 14:51:11

"Meh". Is that on the list? grin

Lottapianos Mon 01-Jul-13 14:58:51

WhatHo, it is an excellent word smile

Surely 'overthinking' is just y'know, 'thinking'? And as a wise MNer once said, it's certainly better than underthinking!

The other one that drives me absolutely potty is when lots of celebrity names get mentioned on a thread, there is always some fool person who will come on and write 'I have never heard of any of these people', or 'who on earth is X?'. Either get Googling or just move on if you're not interested! <screams>

'I really truly hate to see 'get a grip' thrown at anyone, I lose all respect for anyone who posts that'

Agree - anyone who says that or similar just makes themselves sound like a numpty.

mrsjay Mon 01-Jul-13 15:03:24

Meh". Is that on the list?

I love a meh grin or a PFFFT i do PFFT quite a lot those are sounds not real words though

weisswusrt Mon 01-Jul-13 15:40:52

1st world problem.

melika Mon 01-Jul-13 15:43:54

But I hate the ones who dissect every little comma and why you have put it there. Some of them have nothing better to do than go into depth about something trivial when all the OP wants is a YANBU!

ChippingInWiredOnCoffee Mon 01-Jul-13 15:45:09

Get a grip.

ChippingInWiredOnCoffee Mon 01-Jul-13 15:45:26

Or a life.

ChippingInWiredOnCoffee Mon 01-Jul-13 15:45:42


yamsareyammy Mon 01-Jul-13 15:45:47

My personal gripe is those that do not read a thread.
I dont mind if people say they havent read it if it is a bit long,or say they havent got time to read all of it, but there do seem to be a few who have no intention of reading threads, and just reply according to the very first post, regardless of whether an op has backtracked, or changed their minds along the way.
I know that anyone can post anything though, so long as it is within the guidelines.

mrsjay Mon 01-Jul-13 15:45:50

I must really make some people cross with my total lack of punctuation on posts random,commas are my thing

ChippingInWiredOnCoffee Mon 01-Jul-13 15:45:58


ChippingInWiredOnCoffee Mon 01-Jul-13 15:46:13


mrsjay Mon 01-Jul-13 15:47:40

see meh is just fab grin

melika Mon 01-Jul-13 15:47:42

And the usual crowd who think they are always right!

mrsjay Mon 01-Jul-13 15:48:13

who is the usual crowd

Dackyduddles Mon 01-Jul-13 15:49:03

Sometimes people panic about the strangest things though. Real inconsequential or worse something so banal it is bemusing as to why they made a thread about it.

Panickers do sometimes need to be told to slow down, gather themselves, get a grip. The inconsequential /banal ones are just the forum version of posting pictures of your dinner!

The ones that do get me are the ones who say "I know x is proven best but I believe y so I don't care what you all think!" I mean why waste the time it takes to post something if its not even to debate/engage/learn/take part?

Ffs ;)

CoteDAzur Mon 01-Jul-13 15:49:47

You are overthinking it. It is an internet forum. People say what they think. Honestly. (So YABU - conversation here is far more honest than in RL, probably why you think it's unhelpful and lacks empathy)

<<Hands OP a grip>>


Is there a grip shop round these parts?

GiveMumABreak Mon 01-Jul-13 15:50:32

It's like listening to a friend unload a problem that's upsetting them. Saying 'get a grip' and then walking away or worse....'meh' and turning your back! grin

Tee2072 Mon 01-Jul-13 15:51:10

Is there a word for a silly-shaped word, in the spirit of onomatopoeia?

::misses point of thread::

melika Mon 01-Jul-13 15:53:00

Some familiar names come galloping through when maybe you have stepped a little over the line, can't remember exact ones. Funnily enough!

(now hiding behind the door)

Lottapianos Mon 01-Jul-13 15:54:19

CodeDAzur, several other 'hilarious' people got in there before you wink

'Get a grip' is never appropriate IMHO - absolutely never ever. 'I think that's a strong reaction' or 'I don't understand your reaction' or 'there may be another way of looking at it' - yes, fine. But 'get a grip/life' is not that far removed from telling someone to shut the jeff up afaic. Which is downright bloody rude! and makes you sound like a twit

So I can't say Shut the Fuck Up then?


Lottapianos Mon 01-Jul-13 15:57:03

Looks like you just did Exit. Well done smile

mrsjay Mon 01-Jul-13 15:57:16

actually thinking about it is that all you have to worry about annoys me more than all of the others, it is rude and dismissive

usualsuspect Mon 01-Jul-13 16:06:21

Is there anything we can actually post on MN anymore, without someone starting a thread about it?

weisswusrt Mon 01-Jul-13 16:09:59

What annoys me is if someone starts a thread that's been done a fair bit, but is denied the chance of being involved in any new discussions because the old 'crew' have already done it, and any newbies must simply live off the scraps of their old threads.

usualsuspect Mon 01-Jul-13 16:15:52

What annoys me are threads telling other posters how to post on MN.

Tee2072 Mon 01-Jul-13 16:16:05

Apparently not, usual.

Perhaps a thread listing all the things we're not allowed to do any more? Just so we can all keep it straight?

No hand holding.
No grip offering.
No FFSing.

What else?

Hullygully Mon 01-Jul-13 16:17:24

oh who cares

yamsareyammy Mon 01-Jul-13 16:18:30

I can never be sure anymore whether phrases start on here, and then go into the real world, or vice versa!

I think that MN is now so big, that I feel life, including language is somewhat speeded up on here.
So a new phrase this week, is old news by the end of the month!

Tee2072 Mon 01-Jul-13 16:19:02
Lottapianos Mon 01-Jul-13 16:20:29

usualsuspect, you just can't say anything anymore, can you? wink

ilovechips Mon 01-Jul-13 16:30:04

My biggest bug bear is "first world problem". Yes it is, because I should imagine most of us posting on mn are living in the first world. Not every problem has to be life or death to make it worthy of concern! angry

Lottapianos Mon 01-Jul-13 16:36:11

Quite right ilovechips. Those 'first world problem' people should knock themselves out starting their own threads about Big Important Things and leave the rest of us trifling little poppets to it smile

Cailinsalach Mon 01-Jul-13 17:08:51

I once started a thread which was quite lighthearted about my neighbour wanting to know a recipe.
I was told I was pettier than Tom Petty. I found this an excellent response. It was almost a pun and Tom Petty isn't petty at all (afaik).
However, when I had sobered up, I realised it was only a thinly veiled variant of "fuck off and stop posting boring shit" . So that was me told.....

limitedperiodonly Mon 01-Jul-13 19:34:51

Yeah, that's because you don't know how it feels to be me, cailinsalach wink

everlong Mon 01-Jul-13 19:38:39

Tbf OP there's a lot of shit posted on here these days that only warrant a meh, wtf or get over yourself.

Peaece and love

MalenkyRusskyDrakonchik Mon 01-Jul-13 19:53:20

I do think 'get a grip' (not phrased like that!) has a place sometimes.

Not so much the rest.

I think sometimes you can see someone is snapping because they're having a truly horrible day, or the thread brought up a bad memory for them, or whatever. I think that's part of what makes MN into a proper community though. Like, I was on a thread today where I wandered ready to be irritated about something I took to be trivial. And then I realized I'd got it wrong and for lots of people posting, it was a really upsetting topic. That's going to happen. We're going to get across each other sometimes.

I used to go on a forum where, if you once lost your temper, or decided to be a monumental wanker because you were in a foul mood (I have extensive personal experience of this), you'd never be forgiven. In fact you'd have to do a hundred Hail Marys and provide notarized evidence of one month's worth of anodyne supportive 'lol you're lovely hun' posts before anyone would speak to you again.

That is really dull, to me. I love that we can all be normal adults who sometimes react in a personal way or get fed up.

ChewingOnLifesGristle Mon 01-Jul-13 20:08:53

I agree. I do wonder at the 'if that's all you have to worry about..' comments.

It's usually just someone asking a simple thing or making a comment. Who gets to decide what is/isn't important anyway?

everlong Mon 01-Jul-13 20:10:34

Yeah good post malanky.

Mintyy Mon 01-Jul-13 20:11:28

I think there are some people who are on here all day every day and they run out of intelligent things to say eventually.

HoneyDragon Mon 01-Jul-13 20:14:09

Olivia, if you have extra e's you should share them.

MalenkyRusskyDrakonchik Mon 01-Jul-13 20:16:11

God knows I'm on here all day, and god knows I never had intelligent things to say, so ...

But surely it's easy to tell who's being rude on purpose and who isn't?

HoneyDragon Mon 01-Jul-13 20:17:42

Of course it's easy you big smelly arse hat.


limitedperiodonly Mon 01-Jul-13 20:18:51

I never run short of intelligent things to say. But maybe that's just me wink

everlong Mon 01-Jul-13 20:21:52

No it's not just you limited wink

MalenkyRusskyDrakonchik Mon 01-Jul-13 20:22:39

Just you.

And honey

And everlong

But mainly just you. biatch

Mintyy Mon 01-Jul-13 20:23:39

Russky you always have interesting things to say.

I think "You are overthinking this" is appropriate in some cases. Where the OP is along the lines of "My best friend said 'Good morning' to me today, when normally she'd have said 'Hello'. Do you think this means that she's offended by something I did six months ago with this long and complicated back-story, or perhaps she secretly fancies my DH. Or maybe she thinks that I secretly fancy her DH, though I can't imagine why, although there was this one incident at a party... Now I don't know what to do. Should I text her and ask why she didn't say 'Hello' or should I go round to her house to talk about it face to face?"

MalenkyRusskyDrakonchik Mon 01-Jul-13 20:25:58

I'm sure that's true, but it just makes it more of a pity what I post is largely bollocks.

(But seriously ... someone basically pleasant and decent getting stroppy once in a while is normal. It's horrible being on sites where you're not allowed to snap and then go back the next day saying 'sorry, I was an arse', isn't it?)

everlong Mon 01-Jul-13 20:26:41

Yep malenky it's blatantly obvious who is rude just for the hell of it.

Shakey1500 Mon 01-Jul-13 20:27:37

I haven't read all the thread but FFS you really are overthinking this. First world problem isn't in it if seriously, that's all you've got to worry about. Meh. I'd really consider getting over yourself. Go to the grip shop and buy one and when you've paid for it, fuck off to the far side of fuck and upon getting there, fuck off some more.

Did I get them all in?? Did I?? <childish> wink grin

BlueSkySunnyDay Mon 01-Jul-13 20:31:27

I know when my children were very young I got incensed about everything from child parking spaces, availability of the two child trolley, positioning of fire escapes, Bacardi discontinuing the lime breezer blush

I was vastly over thinking things, I had lost the plot completely and I did "need to get out more"

Forums are about differing opinions, it would be very dull if we all came on and agreed. Unfortunately the nature of the written word, rather than spoken it comments can sometimes come across as sharp when perhaps the intention behind them is slightly humorous.

Surely a lot of the "get a grip" type comments are humorous? Many of the LTB one are, aren't they?

MalenkyRusskyDrakonchik Mon 01-Jul-13 20:46:47

Ok ... now I am going to hope I'm overthinking it because I can't tell if you mean me.

If I come across that way, I'm sorry. I honestly don't mean to be.

HighBrows Mon 01-Jul-13 20:49:08

I often want to type CATCH YOURSELF ON, that's my version of get a grip. I always refrain though cos that's just unkind.

wigglesrock Mon 01-Jul-13 20:49:36

But I don't come on MN for a serious discussion all the time. I dip in and out of it, have a look at threads, topics that interest me, catch up with postnatal group, have an eyeroll at baby names.

I think that it can be possible to take MN too seriously, worry too much about anonymous posters on a huge forum think.

wigglesrock Mon 01-Jul-13 20:50:27

I use catch yourself on with regularity smile

everlong Mon 01-Jul-13 20:50:37

Nooooo malenky you plum. Not you grin

HighBrows Mon 01-Jul-13 20:52:05

I say it in my head in a Northern Irish accent too blush

wigglesrock Mon 01-Jul-13 21:02:03

I say it in my accent - which makes James Nesbitt sound RP trained.

LadyIsabellaWrotham Mon 01-Jul-13 21:13:24

I think that too Tolliver. I remember a thread from years ago where the OP was taking her (no doubt beautifully dressed and impeccable behaved DD) to school when next door neighbour came our with her brood, looked at her wistfully and said "god it must be so easy with only one". OP (not suffering from secondary infertility) was hugely offended by this offensive slur - how dare that bitch imply that getting one child up and out to school in the morning was less difficult than two/three!

It's always stuck in my mind as the paradigmatic "you're over-thinking it". Sometimes people just say the first thing that comes into their heads. Grips occasionally need to be proffered, in as nice a way as possible.

LadyIsabellaWrotham Mon 01-Jul-13 21:16:42

However - the posters who come onto a Sleb Twaddle thread and take pride in not knowing who anybody is can sod off. Nearly as bad as the people who log into the Graun's website each week especially to read the fashion/Lost in Showbiz section and then to tell the journalist how trivial and worthless the article is.

Solari Mon 01-Jul-13 21:24:35

The one that irritates me is seeing <yawn> on a thread. Really? You decided to devote even more of your precious attention to let everyone know just how un-entertained you are?

PromQueenWithin Mon 01-Jul-13 21:27:36

I simultaneously loathe with a fiery passion and think is perfectly acceptable 'you're over thinking it'

I loathe it when used to shut up someone who is talking about something complicated that the poster disagrees with (i.e. when is is said to me)

But it can have its place when used to reassure someone who has go all het up about something that is probably nothing to worry about (when it is said to somebody else)

SacreBlue Mon 01-Jul-13 21:29:20

It's hard reading sometimes but one of the things about that I like is that it reflects rl. Coming up against someone completely unmoveable happens in rl and it's fucking frustrating, on a forum you can read if you want and/or hide/report. It does tho give the opportunity to think about things that people in rl may not say to you out of politeness.

All of which says 'sometimes I like it, sometimes I don't and occasionally I realise I was being a dick/walkover when I didn't need to be'

<so waiting to use TL;DR but still at 'what if the OP is too vulnerable to hear that and not just a troll stage>

daisychain01 Mon 01-Jul-13 21:30:15

There's a great AIBU? thread at the moment talking about the Knox and Sollecito and whether its unreasonable to feel sorry for him. People are ripping lumps out of each other, handfuls of hair flying everywhere, some people know every last little detail, almost down to what colour her knickers were on the day of the trial, and I really very very nearly said "get a grip" but I just about stopped myself in time ...

then I joined this jolly conversation and thought Phew! Relief! I wont get torched!

Oh by the way I'm very new to all this and having read this thread, I bet you've all finished discussing it, had enough and all gone off down the pub.... So I'm left standing here, all on me todd, nothing left to say that hasn't been said... Oh bum... Oh well, night night.

Solari Mon 01-Jul-13 21:34:37

Your post made me laugh (in a good way) daisychain01 . Welcome to MN! smile

daisychain01 Mon 01-Jul-13 21:46:57

Hey a fellow MN, great to meet you too, Solari I hope you are enjoying your evening. This was a great thread, sat here chuckling away, its so funny! But very true!

I was going to add that I find it amazing that people post an open request for people to give their opinion about something and then hurl insults back at them when they dont get the response they want to read! I wonder what planet they are on ... "Um, well you DID ask...." Mind you if I asked for an opinion, I think I'd probably put a hard-hat on, some replies are a bit brutal :-)

Solari Mon 01-Jul-13 22:59:04

I do think some people post when they're convinced they're right and want to bask in the glow of being told so repeatedly (or to make a point to someone disagreeing with them).

If so, then it must come as quite a shock when it doesn't go as expected. I must admit, there are some OPs when I read it and am sure the thread will side one way, and then it does the exact opposite. shock

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