to want to tell a shop where to go!

(87 Posts)
Dawndonna Sat 29-Jun-13 20:22:41

Friend of a friend takes a dress into the changing rooms.
Assistant says to friend that there is no point in her trying on said dress as you had to be slim and confident to wear it, and the person trying on the dress was not.
WTAF! How dare she! Not the sort of place for those with low self esteem.

YouTheCat Sat 29-Jun-13 20:23:27

Which shop?

RinseAndRepeat Sat 29-Jun-13 20:23:46

Woah. Complain to the manager. That's dreadful!

absentmindeddooooodles Sat 29-Jun-13 20:23:52

Where the hell was this???!!! That's bloody horrendous! There's helpful advice and then just rudeness! Your poor friend!.... Of a friend.

Dawndonna Sat 29-Jun-13 20:25:43

Message deleted by Mumsnet for breaking our Talk Guidelines. Replies may also be deleted.

DramaAlpaca Sat 29-Jun-13 20:26:34


That was the perfect occasion for the MN line "Did you mean to be so rude?"

GiveItYourBestShot Sat 29-Jun-13 20:48:43

Or the Pretty Woman defence..."you work on commission? Big mistake."

ShellyBoobs Sat 29-Jun-13 21:31:44

How man iterations has the story gone through, though, before you heard it?

Is it definitely true and accurate?

I'm wondering if the assistant was worried about someone ripping the dress if it was too small.

If the story is 100% true, then it's appalling and the manager needs to know for sure.

Dawndonna Sat 29-Jun-13 21:44:22

Just the one Shelly.

Fakebook Sat 29-Jun-13 21:49:38

Message deleted by Mumsnet for breaking our Talk Guidelines. Replies may also be deleted.

ShellyBoobs Sat 29-Jun-13 22:03:32

Just the one Shelly.

Having re-read your OP, I see that now. It was the friend-of-a-friend bit I picked up on but now I see that it was your friend who the assistant spoke to.

Utterly appalling and bizarre too. I just can't imagine what on earth the assistant was thinking.

I wonder if they've ever considered their own suitability for a job where you're being paid to make customers feel good about themselves, as much as anything else.

IsotopeMe Sat 29-Jun-13 22:36:58

Goodness. Not what I would call good customer service!

ZillionChocolate Sat 29-Jun-13 22:38:48

I wouldn't bother complaining to the shop, but I would spread the word about this incident. Maybe by posting on a busy website.

mummydarkling Sat 29-Jun-13 22:47:53

I have emailed through the "contact us" section of the website. I think they should have a right to reply as they are an independent boutique and this would not be good for business especially the hearsay aspect....sorry for your friend of a friend if this is for real. I am not actually trying to be rude just even handed.

50ShadesOfGreggs Sat 29-Jun-13 23:08:37

I have visited this shop several times, but didn't interact much with any of the staff.

I'd be interested to know what their response is, as it would definitely determine whether I would go back or not!

VivaLeBeaver Sat 29-Jun-13 23:11:53

It looks like the sort of shop my mother would frequent.

I think they did the friend a favour.

VivaLeBeaver Sat 29-Jun-13 23:13:17

Ooops, sorry Greggs. I'm sure it's nicer in real life than the photo on their Fashion page would suggest. blush

I've never heard of this shop but I do remember walking into a shop with my mother, who was looking for a outfit for a wedding. The assistant met us as we walked in and said that she was very sorry but they didn't stock anything that would fit. My mother was so humiliated, she ran out of the shop. and to my everlasting shame I said nothing

Can we start critique-ing their website?


VivaLeBeaver Sat 29-Jun-13 23:20:57

There isn't enough time Chaos, I have to go to work in the morning!

Ilovemydogandmydoglovesme Sat 29-Jun-13 23:25:05

The correct response is 'I beg your bloody pardon?' said in a really loud cross voice so that everyone heard accompanied by the most fiercest death stare you can muster.

What a twat.

Or remind her that she works in a shop and is paid to help you. They don't like that much. I didn't when it was said to me. <bitter>

timidviper Sat 29-Jun-13 23:27:17

Sometimes shop assistants can be awfully offensive. A friend of mine was telling me recently about shopping for an outfit for her daughter's wedding and a bad experience. I once had very rude service from a bra fitting woman in M&S and it was only because my DD (then aged 18) was so angry I complained although it made no difference, the woman still works there and, when I commented on it recently, another member of staff told me she is often rude and they have had quite a few complaints.

Dawndonna Sat 29-Jun-13 23:27:39

In all the time I have been here nobody has taken it upon themselves to email a shop on behalf of a poster after a complaint. Apart from the fact that it would have been good manners to check with me first, it could for all you know land me in trouble. I shall ask for this thread to be removed. I have enough bother in my life to deal with and cannot be arsed with other peoples even handedness.

BrianTheMole Sat 29-Jun-13 23:29:40

What a bloody bitch, tsk, some people angry

BrianTheMole Sat 29-Jun-13 23:31:00

The shop assistant that is blush


That wasn't at you Brian

sarah0000001 Sat 29-Jun-13 23:39:56

why are you being funny cos someone has emailed them?dont name an shame as it can hav consequences,tho if this is true then the manager has a right to know how the staff behave an hopefully that member of staff can have a lesson in customer service!!!the poor friend.

PeazlyPops Sat 29-Jun-13 23:41:04

OP, if it could land you in trouble, you shouldn't have listed on a public site. It's only fair that we hear both sides of the story.

PeazlyPops Sat 29-Jun-13 23:41:21

Posted, not listed!

RinseAndRepeat Sat 29-Jun-13 23:43:17

You were the one who named and shamed.

Why wouldn't you want to complain anyway? If it happened the way you tell it then that's appalling. They'd have to expect that bad customer service would spread by word of mouth.

Lazyjaney Sat 29-Jun-13 23:47:23

An anonymous "friend" and an attack on a named business on MN where they have no comeback.

mummydarkling Sat 29-Jun-13 23:55:52

Yes that was why, the named business aspect. If true they need to address customer service if untrue just rebut. Surely as long as the owner doesn't know your MN and RL identity you are safe-ish. Also it was the fact that it wasn't a chain but a mom and pop concern as evidenced by dodgy website. We all have troubles enough but also a sense of justice. Just posted a comments as such. This is a public forum they could have seen this anyhow.

TidyDancer Sat 29-Jun-13 23:56:30

Quite right OP. the poster who took it upon herself to contact the company was wrong.

And in answer to your original question, yanbu.

TidyDancer Sat 29-Jun-13 23:58:03

It wasn't a random's right to contact the company. The OP was asking if she should contact. I suspect she would've done. But to just do it and then tell the OP? Not right IMO.

BlameItOnTheBogey Sat 29-Jun-13 23:58:34

OP I am with you. Just because you post something on the web it doesn't mean other people should go ahead and fight your battles for you without asking (this is happening on another thread too - the one about the SIL giving the DD a walnut whip when she had a peanut allergy - only there, posters have taken it upon themselves to talk to the police). Note to self: never ask for advice on mumsnet unless you want people inserting themselves into your business.

Then don't post the name of the company on a public forum.

WorraLiberty Sun 30-Jun-13 00:03:17

I'm on the fence really regarding the email to the shop

On the one hand, I'm sure the OP is thinking WTF??

But on the other hand, I don't see how it can get her in trouble if she doesn't work there?

If the friend of a friend is telling the truth then the manager needs to know. If the friend of a friend isn't telling the truth, then I'm sure the manager would still like to know.

Either way, it's damaging to the store.

But I can understand why the OP might feel uncomfortable and regret naming the store.

<< Picks splinters out of arse >>

Lazyjaney Sun 30-Jun-13 00:03:28

I agree the shop needs to be told about this thread, it could just be vindictive bollocks, or a slagging by a competitor - who knows?

But too many people will read and believe without question, and the shop has no redress.

SoftlySoftly Sun 30-Jun-13 00:06:11

I think it's fair, the other poster wasn't making a complaint she was giving an independent company the right to reply on what could be a damaging thread.

Don't name and shame unless you are willing to back it up is the lesson

mummydarkling Sun 30-Jun-13 00:14:43

Yes not complaining on anyone's behalf. Must go and reread rules etc I still really love AIBU though.

Dawndonna Sun 30-Jun-13 10:35:58

Lazy You know damn well I've been here a good while and am not someone who's come on to 'slag a competitor'.
Mummy It still would have been both appropriate and good mannered to contact me first. You know nothing of my cirmcumstances, ergo, you would have no idea how I would react. As it is, I did worry half the night. You are pretty ill mannered, you were damned quick to get your justification up here, but had I been in your shoes, my apology would have gone up first. hmm

RedHelenB Sun 30-Jun-13 10:42:30

DawnDonna - I think it perfectly justified to email the store as you are suggesting through a friend of a friend on a PUBLIC forum that their customer service is shit & could well make me think twice about shopping there. If you had told me a s a friend I would think differently. And how are you to know that 99 % of the posters reading this haven't done similar?

Why name the shop on a public forum then?

Dawndonna Sun 30-Jun-13 10:53:06

I have asked for this to be deleted. It was up to me and said friend to contact the shop. Which in fact she had done. But for those of you who don't know me, I have a disabled dh and three disabled children. I have enough on my plate without having to worry about other stuff too. I enjoy a good debate on AIBU but not when it encroaches onto my home life. I have quite literally been sick with worry about this. It may be that I don't need to worry, it may be that I'm stressed anyway, but the fact is, this particular thread has had an impact on my wellbeing that I can't afford for it to have. So it will go in a bit.
Thank you for all your replies.

Greenkit Sun 30-Jun-13 11:07:53

I went into a 'larger womens' store and bought a pair of size 18 jeans, I joked with the assistant that soon I would be back for the size 16s as I was trying to lose weight, she replied 'I doubt it' blush

WorraLiberty Sun 30-Jun-13 11:21:28

Unless you know the owner of the shop, I don't get what you're worried about OP?

Honestly, try not to tie yourself up in knots about it.

WorraLiberty Sun 30-Jun-13 11:22:15

OMG Greenkit shock

jacks365 Sun 30-Jun-13 11:26:09

I think its appalling to name and shame then not expect the shop to have the right to respond which is all that happened. Your attitude to them being notified of the thread is extreme which makes me quedtion just how involved in this you are.

OnTheNingNangNong Sun 30-Jun-13 11:26:35

Why has it had an impact on your well being, when you're nothing to do with the story you've told us?

WorraLiberty Sun 30-Jun-13 11:35:43

This has nothing to do with the thread but Greenkit just reminded me of it.

I went to the market last week and there was a poorly handwritten sign on a stall, saying 'Clothes for the lager ladies' grin

I really think if you post something online you need to be aware that anyone can read that and do what they want with the information. More and more I see stuff on here and facebook and cringe as it's clear that people write stuff almost as if there are no consequences.

You're massively overreacting OP. Ridiculous. Was your story actually true? Surely you'd be glad that this was brought to the company's attention? confused

Ashoething Sun 30-Jun-13 12:52:57

hmm-don't post name of shop on public forum if you are then going to be arsey about it...

Take no notice Dawndonna, don't let this upset you. brew

Ashoething Sun 30-Jun-13 12:55:22

Oh right so you can just email mhhq and have any thread deleted now when you decide it it no longer suits your agenda? Riiiight. I am sorry for your home life troubles op but perhaps if a thread of so little consequence in the big scheme of things is making you this ill you should consider a break from mn?

ParadiseChick Sun 30-Jun-13 12:56:31

Their website is awful.

carlywurly Sun 30-Jun-13 13:54:47

Their website needs proof reading for rogue apostrophes. <helpful>

50ShadesOfGreggs Sun 30-Jun-13 14:14:34

viva no offence taken, I was actually in there looking for a present for MIL grin

OP I don't understand why you are so upset?

This thread has left me a tad confuddled.

Bathsheba Sun 30-Jun-13 15:49:44

If this genuinely happened then the owner/manager should know about it - and if their name has been mentioned negatively on a public forum they have a right to reply - espif it is to come and publicly apologise...

Of course there my be issues if what was reported wasn't exactly how it happened....

ZZZenagain Sun 30-Jun-13 15:53:28

I am sorry your thread has gone this way Dawn.

usualsuspect Sun 30-Jun-13 16:03:13

Someone emailed the shop?To tell them about this thread?
Bloody hell, I can see why Dawndonna is pissed off.

usualsuspect Sun 30-Jun-13 16:07:10

I think it's bloody stupid that someone took it upon themselves to email the shop on OPS behalf.

Why the hell would you do that?

insancerre Sun 30-Jun-13 16:15:31

it was a pretty low thing of the op to do in the first place though
to name the shop
it's not as if it happened to the op, anyway
I think the shop have every right to know about this thread
it could damage their business
and for what?
a second-hand story

usualsuspect Sun 30-Jun-13 16:22:04

Posters name and shame on MN all the time.

I've never known anyone email the shop before though.

If she hadn't named the shop,the thread thread would have been full of 'name and shame' posts

insancerre Sun 30-Jun-13 16:28:21

I am all for naming and shaming when the need arises
this thread doesn't sit well with me
a friend of a friend?

usualsuspect Sun 30-Jun-13 16:32:28

Someone sneaking behind OPS back doesn't sit well with me,either.

Posters could have raised their concerns on the thread imo.

ItsAllGoingToBeFine Sun 30-Jun-13 16:36:18

The person who emailed the shop did no wrong. This is a public internet forum. And it is unfair to try and ruin someone's business behind their back.

The OP had no reason to post the name other than to try and damage the shops business. Why on earth would it not be reasonable to warn the shop.

Ashoething Sun 30-Jun-13 16:39:06

So I see this threae is still here...

Ashoething Sun 30-Jun-13 16:39:43

Thread.damn phone.

usualsuspect Sun 30-Jun-13 16:41:19

Name of shop has been deleted though, so you can all stop wringing your hands.

Ashoething Sun 30-Jun-13 16:44:19

No hand wringing here usual. They haven't deleted the name of the shop from our memories though have they?hmm I still fail to see why the op got so arsey about it?

usualsuspect Sun 30-Jun-13 16:49:19

I would have got arsey too, if posters didn't like the naming they should have said on thread.

Not sent a sneaky email first.

usualsuspect Sun 30-Jun-13 16:51:07

Bloody hell, people slag off shops all the time on here.

I'm not sure why anyone thought this shop deserved a warning.

It is a salutory tale though, once you post something on the internet you have zero control over what people may do with that. I think it would do us all good to remember that.

landofsoapandglory Sun 30-Jun-13 16:56:26

I'm on the fence. Had the shop have googled their name before it was deleted then this thread would have shown up. It is a lesson to everyone, and has been said time and time again, once it is posted it is out there for all to see!

SodaStreamy Sun 30-Jun-13 17:00:31

Maybe she's upset Ashoething?

We have all heard about police becoming involved in internet posts on social meida sites so, as she said she is dealing with other RL issues at present and may well feel vulerenable now.

OP you haven't said anything that asked for comments on how your friend was treated and that is nothing to worry about.

Perhaps the company will reply, maybe they won't but either way you haven't done anything wrong if you are simply recounting details accurately

The pack mentailty of some posters to belittle others and score points beggars belief at times, and the double standards

usualsuspect Sun 30-Jun-13 17:03:23

So, some shops are fair game and some are not confused

"Bloody hell, people slag off shops all the time on here."
Yes they do. Big shops, multinational-type shops like B&Q or Parcelforce who our slagging can't damage. Not small independent retailers who could be seriously harmed by a slagging. Which came via a friend-of-a-friend (a.k.a hearsay).

IMO there's really not a lot of difference between an independent retailer and an individual person. That business is like an extension of that person, with their family's financial security dependant on it. Endangering that should not be done lightly.

There MNer who emailed the business did so openly; informing the thread that she had done so. IMO she was in the right, I found the 'naming & shaming' sat badly with me. I also find the OP's over-reaction to the shop being emailed confusing. Why would the shop knowing about this thread affect the OP in the slightest? Why lose sleep over it? Sorry, but that smacked to me of being happy to say something behind a person's back that you weren't willing to say to their face. And that also sits badly with me.

usualsuspect Sun 30-Jun-13 17:12:49

Well emailing the shop sat badly with me.

Ashoething Sun 30-Jun-13 17:13:13

Really the police would be interested in one womens comments to another in a clothes shophmm really?

At worst it could be seen as libellous if the shop refutes what happened but even then would be a civil matter. Hardly something for the poster to lose sleep over?

Mnhq haven't deleted the thread at op's request either which makes me even morehmm

I did wonder if it would be deleted.

Nerfmother Sun 30-Jun-13 17:53:33

Oh god anyone who's been on mumsnet any length of time should know that you run the risk of posters trying to merge real life and what you post. Anyone remember Riven? And the massively unhelpful roller coaster of people tweeting, contacting journos etc? All before being asked personally. Baby Botd or something claiming to be in hospital with a baby - poster rang the hospital confused . Some hotel thread where the hotel came on and offered huge apologies for some credit card mix up? If the op hadn't posted the link, the poster couldn't have emailed.

usualsuspect Sun 30-Jun-13 18:00:04

I think all the posters that do the rl thing are wrong to stick their oar in without asking.

And yes, I have been here a long time.

Nerfmother Sun 30-Jun-13 18:06:27

Not saying its right, just an occupational hazard. And you can't expect people to ask your permission. Under another name I was cautioning a bit of restraint on Rivens thread, but lost in the enthusiasm. Just, don't post a limo to your real life if you honk it would matter to have the two joined up.

Nerfmother Sun 30-Jun-13 18:06:57

Or don't post a link if you think

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