To think that 8 p.m. is too late for children to eat their tea?

(184 Posts)
whatever5 Sat 29-Jun-13 19:15:18

Dh cooks tea for us all on Saturday (I cook during the week) and as usual he is outside having a beer in the garden at 7 p.m. rather than getting on with cooking.

He can't see the problem and thinks that I am being unreasonable and "controlling" to be annoyed that the children (age 9 and 12) won't get any food until 8 p.m.

Am I being unreasonable?

pompeii Sat 29-Jun-13 19:16:33

Depends what time they got up and what they've eaten today. And what activities they have done.

thebody Sat 29-Jun-13 19:16:34

No think that's perfectly ok. They aren't babies so 8 pm on a sat is quite normal.

maja00 Sat 29-Jun-13 19:16:50

Guess it depends if they are hungry or not? I don't think an 8pm dinner is too late on a saturday for older children though.

Can't they just have a snack to keep them going if they're ravenous?

thebody Sat 29-Jun-13 19:17:02

Point them to the fruit bowl.

peppersquint Sat 29-Jun-13 19:17:44

That's normal here in France - every evening dinner is at 8pm at the earliest not just weekends - and that's for tiny ones as well. So I guess YABU but maybe not so much if the children are used to eating at an earlier time

valiumredhead Sat 29-Jun-13 19:18:21

We've only just eaten but ds and his mate had a snack about 4 pm to tide them over our they wouldn't have lasted.

It's the weekend, it's fine, pretend you're on holiday and abroadwink grin

Saturdays are different though aren't they? It's supposed to be a bit relaxed and snacky. Or it is in my house at least. I agree, point them to the fruit bowl.

valiumredhead Sat 29-Jun-13 19:18:45

Or not our

primallass Sat 29-Jun-13 19:18:49

Perfectly OK in my book.

YDdraigGoch Sat 29-Jun-13 19:18:56

Are they moaning that they're hungry, or are they happily occupied with something?
What time do they go to bed?

If the kids are OK, then I don't see the problem. Chillax!

LyingWitchInTheWardrobe Sat 29-Jun-13 19:19:08

1) What is he cooking and how long will it take?
2) Does he have everything he needs or does he need to go out and get anything?
3) What time did your children have lunch?
4) Are they mithering or fine to wait until 8pm?
5) Will it be ready by 8pm?
6) What time do you usually give the family dinner?
7) Does your DH chivvy you along or intervene/interfere in any way?

Depending on your answers, it's the weekend. Your children aren't that young and if they're happy to wait until 8pm to eat, that should be enough for you.

whistleahappytune Sat 29-Jun-13 19:19:11

I understand your point OP, but can you not be a bit more relaxed on the weekend? I would say it is too late on a school night, but I get a bit more "Mediterranean" on the weekend and on holidays. Also, age 9 and 12 are old enough to cope - not like they are 4 or 5 years old.

So YABU. Have a glass of wine and go with the flow. Enjoy the fact that DH is cooking tea.

tumbletumble Sat 29-Jun-13 19:19:25

Wait till they are complaining they're starving, tell them no snacks as it's nearly supper time and send them out to DH if they wish to discuss further.

If they don't start complaining then YABU.

youmeatsix Sat 29-Jun-13 19:19:34

sounds fine to me too, you sound like my mother, she thinks its neglect grin ours would soon shout up if they were hungry before that

ChunkyPickle Sat 29-Jun-13 19:19:37

Seems pretty OK to me - DS is 3 and doesn't eat until 7:30/8pm most nights, then gets to bed at 8:30.

I wouldn't want to eat much earlier (and DP wouldn't be home), and I don't want DS or DP eating alone, so a family dinner then seems just fine to me.

whatever5 Sat 29-Jun-13 19:20:12

They normally eat at about 6.30. They are very hungry now (and every other Saturday).

valiumredhead Sat 29-Jun-13 19:20:22

One of the things I love about the weekends now ds is older is that all routine flies out the window and we pretty much do what we like.

ImTooHecsyForYourParty Sat 29-Jun-13 19:20:23

Are they hungry? If so, they could snack on some fruit

Hassled Sat 29-Jun-13 19:20:45

If they're cranky with hunger then YANBU.
If they're fine and dandy and enjoying a summer's evening, YABU.

Hassled Sat 29-Jun-13 19:21:09

X post. If they're hungry he should get off his arse.

aldiwhore Sat 29-Jun-13 19:21:23

YABU.

Perhaps with younger children who are absolutely famished on a school night you might not BU.

In many countries, families don't sit down to eat until 9pm. My friend from Barcelona found it very strange that our children eat at 6pm, yet my friends think it's too late.

I think some routine is important, so you can regulate hunger, but I'm all for breaking it at the weekend.

ImTooHecsyForYourParty Sat 29-Jun-13 19:21:29

X post.
So give them some fruit or a piece of toast.

Chopchopbusybusy Sat 29-Jun-13 19:21:46

I think it's fine. They could eat something now to keep them going. Think of it as a starter.

Mintyy Sat 29-Jun-13 19:22:02

My dc are 9 and 12 and they haven't had their dinner yet. They are watching a dvd with their Dad while I pootle around on the internet. They'll be fine.

valiumredhead Sat 29-Jun-13 19:22:05

They just need to have a snack earlier OP, it's no biggy.

kim147 Sat 29-Jun-13 19:24:15

I'm sure they'll survive till 8.

But 8 is late for tea on a weekend anyway especially if he is having a beer instead of cooking it.

watchingout Sat 29-Jun-13 19:24:48

Go hide and let them bother DH!

badguider Sat 29-Jun-13 19:25:01

Just have a snack.

I have only one rule with DH and timing for food (he cooks) and that is that he tells me when we're going to eat so I can plan to have snacks or not to have snacks.

5madthings Sat 29-Jun-13 19:25:16

Yabu, we have just had dinner, five kids from 13 down to two years, they had a snack of crackers and cheese at about 4pm.

Its the weekend and its summer -supposedly tho yesterdays weather made it feel more like feb-- anyway at 12 and 9 yes they are more than capable of getting something to eat if they are hungry, hell they could even make dinner.

NeoMaxiZoomDweebie Sat 29-Jun-13 19:26:20

YAbu my 5 year old has only just finished her tea...7.30pm. Children of your DCs ages can wait! It's the weekend.

TheDoctrineOfAllan Sat 29-Jun-13 19:28:19

YANBU. If they are used to eating at 6:30 and expected to eat at 6:30 then all should agree a new eating time.

4leafclover Sat 29-Jun-13 19:31:36

Yabu it's 7.30 and my 5 & 8 year old dc have just sat down to eat.

It's a weekend treat for them to stay up later smile

valiumredhead Sat 29-Jun-13 19:31:43

5 mad-I agree,ds would just announce he was starving and go and find somethinggrin

helenthemadex Sat 29-Jun-13 19:31:46

YABU my dd (9,7 and 4) have just finished eating and its 8.30pm here they were to busy playing grin

pigletmania Sat 29-Jun-13 19:33:19

Give them some toast or fruit

wankerchief Sat 29-Jun-13 19:33:23

Surely they are big enough to make themselves some toast to keep them going?

maja00 Sat 29-Jun-13 19:34:00

If dinner is always later on a Saturday, why on earth don't you just let them have a snack earlier confused

kim147 Sat 29-Jun-13 19:34:40

What time did DH say he was going to make tea (before he started on the beers)

marriedinwhiteagain Sat 29-Jun-13 19:35:40

Give them snack at 4.30/5 on Saturdays then. Sounds perfectly normal to me if you do that.

1Veryhungrycaterpillar Sat 29-Jun-13 19:35:41

I'd be aggravated but I do have order and control issues!

TheDoctrineOfAllan Sat 29-Jun-13 19:36:17

Does no one else think that four people are affected by this decision but only one person is making it?

5madthings Sat 29-Jun-13 19:37:30

Same here Valium they would just help themselves to some toast, fruit, whatever. Ds1 made dinner tonight whilst I was busy sat on my arse mnetting grin

Alibabaandthe40nappies Sat 29-Jun-13 19:37:30

I think you are being a bit controlling actually. They are 9 and 12, not babies, and can surely help themselves to a banana or something to keep the hunger pangs at bay?

Mine are 2 and 4, and we had our dinner at just after 7. We eat around 6-6.30 during the week, but it is lovely at the weekend to have the whole day without stressing about what time the dinner is getting onto the table.

whatever5 Sat 29-Jun-13 19:38:24

Interesting that some of the people who think I'm being unreasonable have just finished their food or have started to eat. Dh hasn't started cooking our food yet!

If they have snacks, younger dd doesn't eat any tea (or very little). This is what often happens which is one of the reasons I am annoyed that it always has to be so late.

NeoMaxiZoomDweebie Sat 29-Jun-13 19:39:22

But I wouldn't mind if DH didn't start cooking till this time really....not on a weekend. We relax bedtimes and everything really.

5madthings Sat 29-Jun-13 19:39:51

Its one night a week. The op says she cooks during the week, and decides what time to cook. The dh cooks on the Saturday and decides what to cook.

The children are old enough to get a snack if they want.

NeoMaxiZoomDweebie Sat 29-Jun-13 19:40:10

Oh and if my 4 year old was starving then I'd make her a sandwich and a little platter of cut up veg or fruit...then she'd go to bed on that. Not going to harm her at all...

ImperialBlether Sat 29-Jun-13 19:40:33

It's not controlling when the only person this meal time suits is her husband!

OP, could Saturday night dinner for the children be fish and chips or similar, so that they can get that whenever they are ready to eat?

cory Sat 29-Jun-13 19:40:45

I would have felt the same when dc were little. But 9 and 12 are not little in my book. And I've just been out to look at my curry- it's not ready yet.

valiumredhead Sat 29-Jun-13 19:40:58

OP you didn't say that though, you said he would cook for 8 pm. So what time will food be ready? Can you not just say to him that next week can he start food earlier?

MrsWembley Sat 29-Jun-13 19:41:30

So they have no snacks at all during the afternoon? What time do you all have lunch?

5madthings Sat 29-Jun-13 19:43:49

As long as she has a reasonable snack it won't hurt her to eat very little for dinner.

I guess maybe it depends if you are a routine person? I hate that during the week we need to always get dinner done and the little ones in bed by 7:30 so its nice to relax at wkends, I can't wait for the summer holidays, no having to be out by 8am, late dinners, chilled out evenings, let's hope we get some good weather to enjoy!

valiumredhead Sat 29-Jun-13 19:43:55

If the younger one has a snack does it actually matter if he had a smaller meal OP?

Saidar Sat 29-Jun-13 19:46:22

I don't think it's too late for dinner, but they shouldn't be hungry.
Either snacks or an earlier time for dinner.

CaptainSweatPants Sat 29-Jun-13 19:48:33

Send them out into the garden to nag him

Or phone for takesway

Aslong as they have had lunch and snacked, nothing wrong with children if these ages eating at 8pm. It's nice ti have routine but don't be too rigid with it, it's the weekend relaxsmile

Tend to eat around that time in the cheese household.......mainly because I found we were eating too early when we weren't really hungry then nibbling late evening.

merrymouse Sat 29-Jun-13 19:49:42

What time are you thinking they will go to bed?

if they are 12 and 9 I'd get them cooking if they are hungry, what are you having?

GetStuffezd Sat 29-Jun-13 19:49:56

It's not too late at all. To be honest it sounds like you're pissed off with him having a beer out in the garden. Are you?

Shitsinger Sat 29-Jun-13 19:53:45

we always have a few nibbles and wineor pepsi on a Saturday evening while dinner is cooking.
So breadsticks, crisps, olives, salami,feta ,veggies and dip etc.
I prefer to eat about 8pm ish so Im wondering is your DH holding out in the hope you will do it instead ?hmm

LauraPashley Sat 29-Jun-13 19:53:57

I'm in the middle of trying to put a 2yr old and a 5yr old to bed, if the weather was any good here I'd be missing another beautiful evening doing this! I can't wait till they are older and don't crumble to bits at 6:45pm every night! Why don't you go out and have a beer with them? Lob a banana at your kids!

cardibach Sat 29-Jun-13 19:54:56

Point the DCs in the direction of the fruit bowl/crackers and cheese/toast and join your DH in the garden with a beer. It's a lovely evening - enjoy it! If the DCs then eat little of the tea, so what? One day of unbalanced meals per week will not harm them. Relax - it's the weekend!
For the record, my DD (now 17) rarely ate before 7.30/8 even in the week at those ages, and often much, much later. She seems to have survived.

Shitsinger Sat 29-Jun-13 19:55:36

Emphasis on eat rather than start cooking at 8pm - ready at 9pm

merrymouse Sat 29-Jun-13 19:56:25

Anyway I'd say 8 isn't too late for a 9 year old at weekend, but would be too late for my 9 year old during the week as it would make bedtime too late.

It sounds as though you think it might be served closer to 9 though? That wouldn't bother me if I was also having drink In Garden, but would bother me if trying to get on with something else.

AaDB Sat 29-Jun-13 20:01:31

My oh is the same; this would irritate me. DJ just doesn't follow any routine meal, bath and bed times are much later when he is in charge.

Ds is used to dinner between 5/6 PM. If he and I ate lunch at 12 and had a snack at 3 ish, dinner should be around 6ish. I'd be fecked of to have more snacks because DH is on a different schedule to the rest of us. DS and I are both irritable when hungry.

At 9 & 12 they could take charge of a meal?

If your DH knows that the rest of the family want to eat early he ibu. I'd be happy to wait a bit or until ds was in bed. I would be hangry to wait without prior agreement.

maja00 Sat 29-Jun-13 20:03:04

If you know Saturday dinner is late though, why not have a snack/tea at 4ish, then everyone will still eat at 8pm (or later). Just seems like a big fuss about nothing.

DrCoconut Sat 29-Jun-13 20:12:35

DS2 is only 2 and has just eaten after a day out. He's now running round outside with DH.

prettybutclumpy Sat 29-Jun-13 20:17:51

YABU! My DC are younger and we just finished eating. Let your DH have a beer in peace

HildaOgden Sat 29-Jun-13 20:25:18

What is he planning to cook?.TBH, I think it's a bit uptight to have them eat exactly at 6.30 on the dot all the time...if they were that hungry,an apple or slice of toast at 6.30 would have tied them over.

Choose your battles.Stressing over a delayed tea (with big kids like yours) really isn't worth it.

Better still,let them cook Saturday tea for both of you from now on,then you can both chill out while teaching your kids some self-reliance.

RoseandVioletCreams Sat 29-Jun-13 20:27:08

Think of it as dinner not tea.

ChewingOnLifesGristle Sat 29-Jun-13 20:28:15

Agree with Kirjavathecat. Saturdays always relaxed and snacky here too (ie forage for yourself and I'll cook pizza later).

I make up for it on Sundays thoughblush You've got to have a chillout day re food imho esp when it's warm and sunny.

Nottalotta Sat 29-Jun-13 20:33:50

I don't have children but just about everyone i know feeds theirs at about 4.30pm! Which i thought was bizarre so am glad people on here are saying that children can be fed as late as 7pm!!!

I think its a bit of a control thing and its just the sort of thing that would really get on my wick (as i am a bit controlling) but i agree, if you know it will be late as it is most weeks, plan a snack, expect to eat no earlier than 8 have a glass of wine and try to relax.

MakeGlutenFreeHay Sat 29-Jun-13 20:34:37

I didn't think it was particularly good for anyone to eat that late in the evening? Especially children who will (presumably) be going to bed very soon after supper? Would be too late for me, I'm afraid - as a one-off, fine, but every weekend would drive me a bit crazy too.

However, there's a big part of me that would consider eating at midnight if it meant DH would cook occasionally....!

runningforme Sat 29-Jun-13 20:44:47

We always eat around 7:30 here as DH doesn't get home until 7 most evenings. I find it bizarre that so many people have their kids fed by 5pm.... I prefer that we get to eat together as a family, so the kids get a snack after school, then we eat dinner when DH is home.

maja00 Sat 29-Jun-13 20:45:34

Why would it be bad to eat late/close to bedtime?

londongirlatheart Sat 29-Jun-13 20:49:01

I have the same problem. My DC older but have always eaten early. It 's a running joke in our house now. He even asks them what time they want it.

RoseandVioletCreams Sat 29-Jun-13 20:51:24

Same here running, people say they get home from work and have no time for thier DC as in bed by 7pm.

Mine are in bed at 8pm. they look the same, achieve the same in school...why 7?

valiumredhead Sat 29-Jun-13 20:55:03

Running-ds is 12 and had tea at 5 pm latest in the week. He eats lunch at 12.30 and is ravenous by 5!

whatever5 Sat 29-Jun-13 20:58:15

Interesting that most people seem to disagree with me as I know all my children's friends eat earlier than 8- 8.30 p.m, even on a Saturday.

I'm not particularly keen on routine and dinner certainly doesn't have to be ready at 6.30 p.m. on the dot. I just don't think that it's good (for digestion) to eat and then go straight to bed which is what 9 year old dd will end up doing.

It wouldn't be a problem if it was once in a while but DH seems to make a point of cooking late every Saturday just for the sake of it.

kim147 Sat 29-Jun-13 21:00:40

Please say you've had dinner now ( I think it's officially dinner now and not tea)

I agree that it's not good to eat late and then go to bed. DS eats about 6 - 7 on a Saturday depending on factors (like if the BBQ lights)

HumphreyCobbler Sat 29-Jun-13 21:02:51

If they are used to eating earlier then I would think it was a bit mean to leave it till nine before eating. I can't eat that late comfortably. We tend to eat about six thirty, but we do have younger children than the OP.

Everyone on this thread is like "Oh, look at me, how lovely and relaxed I am grin" It is funny because on a different thread you would be getting told off for giving snacks before a meal.

GajarHalwa Sat 29-Jun-13 21:11:21

I agree that 8-9pm is considered normal dinner time and it continues to surprise me that in UK, it's common for folks to have dinner around 6. And why is dinner called tea? Isn't tea what you have at 4pm?

Depends on how hungry the kids are and what they had to eat earlier in the day

Shitsinger Sat 29-Jun-13 21:23:34

Humphrey we are pretty relaxed because are DC are Teenagers and go to bed at midnight !

Agree - Gajar stop calling it tea !!!

Shitsinger Sat 29-Jun-13 21:23:58

our

FredFredGeorge Sat 29-Jun-13 21:26:46

They're 9 and 12, if they're hungry they could feed themselves surely? Eating when you're hungry makes most sense to me, DD is 2 and already makes it perfectly clear if she's hungry and will bring food for us to open for her to eat.

Of course with a family you may not all be hungry at the same time, but then it's down to the person cooking either deciding or a negotiation, so YABU as you've not had the negotiation and you're just trying to say it's too late for your children. I suspect it's actually you who are hungry and are projecting on to the kids.

HumphreyCobbler Sat 29-Jun-13 21:30:10

Yes but I go to bed at midnight and I still would rather eat before eight. I am 40 grin

HildaOgden Sat 29-Jun-13 21:30:27

whatever5,what did he cook in the end?

HumphreyCobbler Sat 29-Jun-13 21:31:27

It seems that the DH is pleasing only himself here. Perhaps he is trying to get out of cooking once a week?

specialsubject Sat 29-Jun-13 21:32:09

'normal dinner time' in the UK is NOT 6pm. Some eat then, some don't eat until much later. Bit of a north-south thing, bit of an age thing but no absolutes.

Shitsinger Sat 29-Jun-13 21:34:06

The whole thing of tea hmm on the table at 6.30 on a Saturday evening ,no wine, no nibbles ,no relaxation, just sounds so grim to me.
Relax OP your DC are getting older , you could enjoy it a bit more !

Jengnr Sat 29-Jun-13 21:34:40

What time did they have dinner? I don't think 8 is late for older kids.

HumphreyCobbler Sat 29-Jun-13 21:37:27

We are all different Shitsinger. There is no need to assume that the OP is uptight just because she wants to eat a little earlier than you. Relaxing is not all about wine and nibbles...

We don't have relaxed saturday evening dinners at all here as DH invariably has a gig to go to by five. We have lots of relaxed meals together at other times though.

YANBU
It's not the time that's the issue - its the fact that the DH is almost deliberately making a point about not making dinner when it would be done normally.

People going on about their routines and their Mediterranean style dinners is irrelevant.

Fakebook Sat 29-Jun-13 21:43:25

Make it yourself if its bothering you that much. 9 and 12 year olds can cope with a bit of hunger.

Shitsinger Sat 29-Jun-13 21:45:09

Its sometimes a matter of realising things have changed though Humphrey
The DC are not tiny so time to move on a bit .
My DM wants dinner on the table at 5.30 sharp - and eaten and cleared away asap hmm
Maybe we are odd but dinner is way more than refuelling in this house.

HumphreyCobbler Sat 29-Jun-13 21:52:19

But the OP isn't saying that dinner should be ready at 5.30. She is saying that the kids are hungry and her DH hadn't STARTED cooking by eight o'clock in the evening. And perhaps he should get a move on. I cannot see she is unreasonable, or uptight.

HumphreyCobbler Sat 29-Jun-13 21:53:08

Let's hope they have all eaten by now, anyway grin

HumphreyCobbler Sat 29-Jun-13 21:53:52

although, perhaps I should read the OP more carefully as she did say seven, not eight.

HumphreyCobbler Sat 29-Jun-13 21:55:06

'Maybe we are odd but dinner is way more than refuelling in this house'

I care so much about food that I rear my own meat and butcher it...it is not all about refuelling here either.

pickledthing Sat 29-Jun-13 21:58:51

My dd is 10,we have only just finished our dinner(20 minutes ago) but then on Friday and Saturday she allowed to stay up till 10.30,so she not going to bed straight after dinner! Also during week we have dinner at 7.30( dp finishes work at 6 and I work till 6.30),as i like to sit at the table and have family dinner we have to eat later to accommodate around our times!! she has a snack around 3.45 and still eats an adult size meal!!!

MrsMook Sat 29-Jun-13 22:06:41

We eat around 8 ish. DS1 is 2 and doesn't have to be anywhere in a hurry in the mornings. It may well have to go earlier at some point in the future, but for now it allows us to eat one meal as a family around the table as DH's time in from work varies, and DS and I go to Brownies one night a week.

whatever5 Sat 29-Jun-13 22:10:52

Shitsinger you are making a lot of assumptions. I didn't suggest that we all have to eat at 6.30 on a Saturday. I think that 8.40 p.m. (the time we had dinner in the end) is too late for the children though. This is not because I am uptight or because I don't think they can cope with hunger. It is because I don't think it is good (for digestion) to eat and then go straight to bed which is what youngest dd had to do.

valiumredhead Sat 29-Jun-13 22:10:59

Lol @the notion that if you don't have wine and nibbleshmm you aren't relaxed!

valiumredhead Sat 29-Jun-13 22:11:59

I can't eat and go straight to bed or I dream all night!

banana87 Sat 29-Jun-13 22:13:08

I am really bad. DD1 is eating dinner at 10pm tonight.

HildaOgden Sat 29-Jun-13 22:13:25

I'm going to ask again....what did he cook? (it's relevant)

valiumredhead Sat 29-Jun-13 22:14:39

Actually I've changed my mind, if he's doing a 'I'll do what I like, sod the rest of you' then he's being U.

It wouldn't hurt to get food on earlier or make something really easy so you can all relax in the garden but the kids can still eat at a decent time.

whatever5 Sat 29-Jun-13 22:14:57

Fish and chips.

BigBoPeep Sat 29-Jun-13 22:15:46

Gosh. We're farmers and regularly eat past 9pm and go straight to bed after! Never does me any harm grin DDs happy to eat anytime, if she's hungry she'll let me know and I give her something to put her on. Life's too short!

coffeewineandchocolate Sat 29-Jun-13 22:17:59

if it was such an issue and the dc's were hungry then either cook for them yourself or get them to nag incessantlyat dp until he starts cooking? if they eat late maybe keep them up later if possible to digest the good (you may even get s lie in tomorrow :-)

I can see why op is pissed off though, as it is the one day he has to cook and he is obviously is putting it off, so i take back what i said earlier, didn't realise he was making a continous thing of this.

ihearsounds Sat 29-Jun-13 22:23:17

Weekends we eat whenever.

You know that Saturdays involve a late dinner, have a mid afternoon snack somewhere reasonably between lunch and dinner.. This is what we sometimes do.
But then, weekends and holidays my dc's also stay awake later.. Probably going to get flamed, but the 7 year old hasn't been in bed that long.

BigBoPeep Sat 29-Jun-13 22:24:53

I dunno, I cook and I therefore dictate what and when we eat. I can ask for opinions, but ultimately it's down to me. Anyone has a problem, they are more than welcome to buy a takeaway instead cook for me grin

HildaOgden Sat 29-Jun-13 22:25:13

He doesn't like being told by you what time to have the dinner on the table.

I'm guessing you wouldn't like being told what time to have the dinner on the table,either,on the nights you cook.And if he was trying to dictate it to you,we'd tell you not to accept his controlling ways.

Seriously,an apple or a slice of toast wouldn't have ruined their appetite for fish and chips.The weekend is a time to relax on schedules,surely.It's not as if the children are babies....your eldest is two thirds of the way to being an adult.

Step back.Let him be in charge of cooking on the day it's his turn.And let your children learn how to 'cope' with dinner being a bit late.It really and truly won't kill them.

Shitsinger Sat 29-Jun-13 22:34:59

The weekend is a time to relax on schedules I agree
but if I had to wait for my DH to cook ... fish and chips ,would have legged it to the chippy long ago !

valiumredhead Sat 29-Jun-13 22:38:47

I think if the kids were hungry and Dh felt that 8 was to late to eat then I would probably take on board the rest of the family's feelings.

I've completely changed my mind on this, in fact LVBgrin

Shitsinger Sat 29-Jun-13 22:42:54

I should add my suggestion to have drinks ( not necessarily wine) and nibbles was meant to be helpful - if the DC are hungry and its a nice evening ,instead of getting ratty with DH ,take some bits out into the garden.
however now I have seen that he cooked fish and chips ( who cooks fish and chips at home ) yanbu.

valiumredhead Sat 29-Jun-13 22:43:33

You forgot to say LTBwink

Shitsinger Sat 29-Jun-13 22:46:40

LVB/LTB ??

valiumredhead Sat 29-Jun-13 22:49:17

LTB= leave the bastard!

LVB= my stupid phone posting nonsensegrin

BackforGood Sat 29-Jun-13 22:49:57

I'd not be happy with that - forget the dc, I'd be fading away LONG before then.
Doesn't really matter what time you have your usual meal nor if you call it tea or dinner but your body gets used to it, so if you are normally eating by 6 - 6.30, then you need to be eating at a similar time at the weekend if your breakfast and dinner/lunch were at normal times. If, of course you didn't have breakfast until 11am, and then lunch at 3pm, then 8pm is OK for tea.

Shitsinger Sat 29-Jun-13 22:50:58

Hahahahaha !
LTB ? Nah would just go " who wants a chippy dinner "?grin

Shitsinger Sat 29-Jun-13 22:53:33

ps " yer fathers paying "

OhMerGerd Sat 29-Jun-13 23:26:12

This may sound harsh but cook it yourself if it bothers you that much. 8pm on a weekend is not that late and at 12 and 9 they could actually be cooking it for the both of you with a bit of help to prep in advance and an eye over proceedings.

resipsa Sat 29-Jun-13 23:33:56

Are there seriously people with 2 yr olds who feed them after 8pm? Ours is in bed by 7pm (until 7am or later if she could). We'd have to be masochists to feed her much after 6pm.

TheDoctrineOfAllan Sat 29-Jun-13 23:46:44

Why should OP cook it herself when it's her DH's agreed chore and three out of four people want to eat earlier?

If he'd cooked at 6:30pm he'd still have had time for a beer in the garden after!

HildaOgden Sun 30-Jun-13 00:08:09

Listen,he's told you he thinks you're being unreasonable and controlling.

And when it's his turn to cook,he always makes it for 8 pm or after.

You may be in charge of what happens the other 6 nights a week....on this one night a week,he gets to do it his way.

Make adjustments...eat a later lunch,have an afternoon snack...but you know this is the way it happens when he is 'chef',stop digging your heels in.

It really won't damage your kids to have a late tea/dinner once a week.Is there sleeping/bedtime routine regimented for the full 7 nights too? (please,please tell me you don't send your rapidly growing children to bed at the same time on a Summer Saturday night as you do on a school night...)

formicadinosaur Sun 30-Jun-13 00:09:07

We always eat at 5 if we can. Hunger drives us too cook then!

Alconleigh Sun 30-Jun-13 00:09:39

dinner at 8 for children of that age is completely normal.

BrianTheMole Sun 30-Jun-13 00:12:50

I think its ok. But if the majority are unhappy with it and hungry, then its not ok.

If a 9 and 12 year old can't make themselves a sarnie around 6 oclock then I wonder what's going on. food in cupboard? tick. food in fridge tick? let them get on with it and then eat dinner/tea/supper when its served up by dh.

Unless you need to control what they eat to the point of still making the snacks at that age, then I can't see the issue.

Dinner on a full tummy? so what?

TheDoctrineOfAllan Sun 30-Jun-13 00:25:24

Did no one else grow up being told it's bad for digestion to lie down after dinner? Just me and OP?

KeefRegina Sun 30-Jun-13 00:28:01

I cant bear this order and strictness.

Like being in the army.

You need cognitive BT.

Try eating at totally different times and realise you all still live and survive.

1Veryhungrycaterpillar Sun 30-Jun-13 08:53:20

Where do I sign up??

merrymouse Sun 30-Jun-13 09:17:13

I don't think having regular meal and bedtimes is that radical or controlling. I'd say its just having a healthy life style.

I can understand sitting around in the garden having an extended meal with a glass of wine.

However, children foraging for sandwiches then late fish and chips is not Mediterranean eating. I can't say I wouldn't ever be in a situation where I did this. However it would be because I couldn't be bothered to cook, not a life style choice.

valiumredhead Sun 30-Jun-13 09:19:10

Allan-not just yousmile

The OP needsCBT, seriously? Rude!

tungthai Sun 30-Jun-13 09:21:26

8pm is normal for ds (aged 8) at the weekend.

In the week he eats with his younger brother at 5:30 ish but at the weekend he eats with us between 8 and 9.

propertyNIGHTmareBEFOREXMAS Sun 30-Jun-13 09:22:31

Yabu. It is not a big deal at all provided that they have access to small, healthy snacks. Poor dh, I hope he managed to enjoy his beer.

MakeGlutenFreeHay Sun 30-Jun-13 09:23:21

Allan - I said the same.

valiumredhead Sun 30-Jun-13 09:26:55

It's not a big deal if everyone's happy but the kids are hungry and the OP wants to eat earlier too. Is it really a big deal to eat a bit earlier?

It smacks of 'I'll cook but only when I say, and of you don't like out then cook it yourself' which isn't a nice attitude.

Perhaps Saturdays should be brand on toast night?wink

valiumredhead Sun 30-Jun-13 09:27:14

It not out

Bowlersarm Sun 30-Jun-13 09:27:20

YABU and uptight.

Weekends should be about relaxing and going with the flow imo. If your DH is in charge of dinner on a Saturday then let him be in charge.

Agree with those who say the DC's should eat fruit if hungry-what a great way to get a few portions of fruit down them.

I cook on a Saturday (if we're not going out) and I don't get round to it until much later than during the week, serving up anywhere between 7.00 and 9.00.

valiumredhead Sun 30-Jun-13 09:28:08

Anyway, as I said earlier just LTB and it's all sortedgrin

lilystem Sun 30-Jun-13 09:28:37

Dh and I wouldn't cope eating at 8pm - let alone the kids. Breakfast at 9.30
Lunch at 1
Tea at 5.30
Supper if needed at 9

Might be regimented but works for us!

ExcuseTypos Sun 30-Jun-13 09:34:07

Fish and chips? Did I he just chuck frozen fish and chips in the oven or did he make 'proper' fish and chips.

If it was the first, there is no way I'd wait until 8.40 for that.

MadeOfStarDust Sun 30-Jun-13 09:35:27

hahahahaha - I love all the fruit or toast suggestions for a snack to keep them going from lunchtime to 8.40pm some very worthy parents on MN - mine would have had a sandwich, some crisps, fruit and a biscuit to keep them going til then!! they are 10 and 12 and would have been pestering for food from 6pm....

luxemburgerli Sun 30-Jun-13 09:45:18

YANBU OP.

It doesn't matter if everyone else is happily eating at 10 pm. Three of the four people in your household were unhappy with the arrangement, that is what matters. Your DP could easily have made fish and chips 2 hours earlier and THEN had his beer in the garden. Much more relaxing for everyone.

Emilythornesbff Sun 30-Jun-13 09:47:01

This would annoy me because I think he's being controlling.
Maybe that's because he feels he has to "endure" your routine for the rest of this week and Saturday supper (dinner, tea whatever) is his field but it's a tiny bit knobbish IMO.
However, at this age it won't do them any harm I don't think.
We all like a bit of control now and again and if you argue or "nag" then you're playing into his hands as it were.
So. Be happy that your way is best but let it go.
Could you do something for yourself in this time? Habe a drink with him or lie down in a dark room (my personal dream) or do a chore you moght otherwise have to do later?
Make it look like you're all chilled about weekend mealtimes even though he's wrong and avoid the antagonism save your energy for when he's really pissing you off.

merrymouse Sun 30-Jun-13 09:54:07

Yes madeofstardust, or in other words their evening meal would have been sandwiches etc etc eaten at their regular meal time, which makes the full evening meal at getting on for 9 a bit pointless.

midori1999 Sun 30-Jun-13 09:58:44

Surely if he is cooking, he gets to cook at whatever time he chooses? If you don't think the DC should eat that late, give them a decent snack earlier and it won't matter for one day a week.

merrymouse Sun 30-Jun-13 10:01:00

Well personally if I was having to make a decent snack for the rest of their family at their normal meal time, I'd call that me cooking.

5madthings Sun 30-Jun-13 10:31:54

Given the ages of the children they can get themselves something to eat if they are that bothered.

If its being done by the duh in a passive aggressive way to get out of the cooking then that's a different issue.

Shitsinger Sun 30-Jun-13 10:41:49

Please come back OP and tell us whether it was homemade fish and chips or bung it in the oven Iceland special!
if it was the latter I would just have gone to the chip shop.

merrymouse Sun 30-Jun-13 10:46:42

True, but everyone grabbing their own food because they're starving isn't really a lovely weekend family meal.

Pagwatch Sun 30-Jun-13 10:50:15

We often take the DC out to supper around 8.00 on a Saturday.
They just have fruit/a sandwich/something small for tea at about 4.00.

whatever5 Sun 30-Jun-13 10:50:25

They would be very happy to get themselves something to eat but as madeofstardust says if it was later than their normal meal time that would be a sandwich, some crisps, fruit and a biscuit. Then there would be no pointing in DH cooking tea.

Also, if they are going to have snacks one day a week to save the effort of cooking I think that it would be more reasonable to do that on one of the six days I cook, not the only day that DH does it!

whatever5 Sun 30-Jun-13 10:53:51

It was homemade fish and chips. DH spends ages choosing and preparing the fish and would be really annoyed if the children didn't eat it because they had filled up on snacks before hand.

Shitsinger Sun 30-Jun-13 10:57:16

He sounds like an arse.

ExcuseTypos Sun 30-Jun-13 10:59:08

Well there's your answer OP

Tell him that the dc are being wingey about being hungry every Saturday evening, things have to change. He either starts cooking around 6.30 or they have a snack and then won't eat his lovely food. It's his choice.

Bowlersarm Sun 30-Jun-13 10:59:37

How about having a later lunch on a Saturday to fit in with a later evening meal? (Apologies if that has already been suggested)

kelda Sun 30-Jun-13 11:00:24

I would be annoyed. Why can't he relax and drink his beer after dinner? That's what most parents do.

Snazzywaitingforsummer Sun 30-Jun-13 11:06:28

Amazed at people competing to be the most 'relaxed' and 'Mediterranean' about how they spend their weekends! That's all fine if it's what you want but it isn't a virtue in its own right, and definitely not if one person is passive-aggressively making three others wait and get hungry for two hours later than usual while he sits having a beer. I know who I think is being controlling in this scenario!

Also, where are all the posters usually insisting that partners share the cooking 50-50? This guy cooks ONCE a week when the OP does the rest, and everyone is telling her to leave him alone / get the kids to do it / do it herself if she's not happy? Why shouldn't he be expected to do more and to consider the needs of his family? Next people will be telling her to be grateful he cooks at all!

OP - first, YANBU, and second, two hours for fish and chips? Did if

Snazzywaitingforsummer Sun 30-Jun-13 11:08:18

continued - Did he have to catch the fish himself? Tell him in future you will get the kids to make a sandwich for themselves if there's no food by say 7.30 and his precious masterpiece will go in the bin.

insanityscratching Sun 30-Jun-13 11:10:27

We eat late on a Saturday, dd 10 didn't eat until 9pm along with the rest of us. It's what makes it a weekend, late getting up, cooked brunch instead of cereal and toast for breakfast, high tea instead of dinner and a late supper and a late bed time. I'd just be happy that dh was cooking and adjust other meals accordingly rather than getting stressed tbh.

Jengnr Sun 30-Jun-13 11:10:33

If they got up late, had their dinner at, say, 2.30 I don't think 8 is too late for tea.

If they had their dinner at 12 then they'd need summat in between. I still don't think 8 is too late though - they're old enough to grab a bag of crisps or a banana or whatever.

Shitsinger Sun 30-Jun-13 11:16:45

Snazzy no one is competing- it was just a suggestion to try to resolve the situation.
I have older DC and so we are more relaxed about mealtimes ,more so than when they were little and age 2 or 3 when meltdown would have occurred.
However it does seem that the DH is being a dick and deliberately make the whole thing "about him" and as you say "his precious masterpiece"
Why do some men need applause and everyone going "wow" just because they cooked a bloody meal!

forevergreek Sun 30-Jun-13 11:20:55

Ok... We must be the worlds worse parents by this thread!

We don't get home until 7pm so v rarely eat before 8pm

Last night we had a 9pm reservation at a japanese restaurant. We left at 11pm. Kids are 2 and 3 years. They loved it, and were very well behaved. They had napped and eaten at appropriate times during the day to allow later eating/ bed.

Surely it just depends on the day schedule of child? Yesterday ours woke at 9.30am, ate breakfast around 10am. Lunch 3pm, napped 3.30-6pm. Therefore eating at 9pm with 11.30pm bed seems perfectly fine. They just woke around 30 mins ago, and eating eggs now smile

merrymouse Sun 30-Jun-13 11:26:38

9 and 10 year olds don't tend to nap during the day.

merrymouse Sun 30-Jun-13 11:27:03

Sorry, 9 and 12 year olds.

insanityscratching Sun 30-Jun-13 11:31:32

No naps here but dd aged 10 loves a late bedtime it was midnight last night and she got up at 10.30 I think at 9 and 12 most children can cope with a change to their daily routine without too much trauma.

WellHmmm Sun 30-Jun-13 11:37:37

They'll live.

forevergreek Sun 30-Jun-13 11:40:21

No but 9-12 year olds an generally cope with being awake for more than 12 hours a day.

We have a very non scheduled lifestyle as both work here in uk/ sometimes from home/ sometimes abroad. Our children although young have adapted very well to different routines according to day/ location.

I suppose some children find it harder If used to something very different.

ExcuseTypos Sun 30-Jun-13 12:12:25

I don't think it's the children in this situation, who are the problem. I'm sure they'd 'adjust' to different routines-AS LONG AS THEY WERE ALLOWED TO EAT A SNACK.

Sorry for shouting but people seem to be missing the main point. Their Father doesn't want them eating snacks, so everyone is hungry.

ByTheSea Sun 30-Jun-13 12:20:25

That is our normal dinnertime.

AaDB Sun 30-Jun-13 12:39:01

This is about a passive aggressive adult making a point of making dinner later than the rest of the family.

It's not a snack they need, it's dinner.

Op's oh is bu and selfish.

I also need to know what they had for dinner and how long it took too make (nosy).

AaDB Sun 30-Jun-13 12:40:10

That should be one person wants dinner much later than the rest of the family.

TheDoctrineOfAllan Sun 30-Jun-13 13:22:42

Four friends want to go out for dinner.

Three of them want to eat at 7pm, one of them at 9pm.

The one who wants to eat at 9pm insists the other three do it their way, no compromise on a time in between or acknowledging they are outnumbered.

Who is the unreasonable one?

Shitsinger Sun 30-Jun-13 13:30:01

The OP said it was 8pm and then it turned into 8.40pm
Dinner readyat 8pm with DC that age is not too bad but clearly he is doing it to be a pain- no one else is happy with the arrangement.

What are you going to do OP ?

luxemburgerli Sun 30-Jun-13 14:53:30

Of course they COULD have a late lunch on a Saturday, or the OP COULD organise a snack/cook herself.

Or, the easiest solution: her DH could just start cooking a bit earlier and have his beer after.

merrymouse Sun 30-Jun-13 19:06:37

Or allan 4 flat mates cook for each other on a rota. 3 take into account everybody else's timetable and reliably put food on the table when expected.

The 4th flat mate thinks that's just too bourgeois and boring and he puts food

merrymouse Sun 30-Jun-13 19:07:58

On the table at some point during the evening, probably within a 2-3 hour window.

Which flat mate needs to pull his finger out?

BsshBossh Sun 30-Jun-13 19:51:07

I agree that weekends = more flexible routine but in this case (taking all your posts into consideration) your DH sounds a bit uptight, perhaps even a bit controlling.

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