AIBU to feel pissed of to come home to find that my MIL has cleaned my house?

(97 Posts)
MissTweed Fri 28-Jun-13 18:36:36

My MIL and I have had the usual kind of relationship over the years, she thinks the sun shines out of her sons arse and I'm not good enough for him. She came to visit yesterday/today and whilst I was at work she cleaned my house. (She has a history of making snidely remarks about cleanliness/cooking etc etc. my DH thinks that I am totally overreacting but I see it as another dig. What are your thoughts?

Solari Fri 28-Jun-13 18:38:26

You can send her to me if you like! grin <sorry, unhelpful>

NeoMaxiZoomDweebie Fri 28-Jun-13 18:39:19

Well I was the same with my MIL at first...she'd do similar. Then Mumsnet told me to just lap it up! If she wants to clean my pan cupboards fine! Thank you very much!

Have more faith in your own ways and just say "Oooh thanks!" grin Then if she IS trying to undermine you, she's failed....and if it's not an undermining thing then fine!

SantanaLopez Fri 28-Jun-13 18:39:24

Would you have called her lazy if she'd sat on her arse?

I think you are being over-sensitive.

Very intrusive. I wouldn't be happy about this either.

Latara Fri 28-Jun-13 18:39:36

It was clearly a kind of dig but also... free cleaning, can't complain about that...

Jinsei Fri 28-Jun-13 18:40:04

Hmm, well I'd love to come home and find that someone had cleaned my house, but given the circumstances, yanbu!

Why does she criticise your cooking/cleanliness? Does her son not live in the house too?!

dexter73 Fri 28-Jun-13 18:40:17

I would be ok with this as I hate cleaning!

Solari Fri 28-Jun-13 18:41:00

In all seriousness, I'd love to come home to a clean house done randomly for me. But its not right if you don't want it to happen (its your house), and the snide remarks etc. are also not right. I'd be insisting DH back me up and take my concerns seriously, but would probably stop her directly myself next time she said something (ie. "I hope you're not trying to criticise me. I don't appreciate that.)

I would be too grateful to give a shit

Jinsei Fri 28-Jun-13 18:41:28

I like Neo's attitude. smile

SodaStreamy Fri 28-Jun-13 18:41:51

I'd find it annoying but try and look one the brightside, that's one job done!

Is see a manic cleaner uselly,perhaps that's how she likes to fill her time and thinks she was helping?

WhoNickedMyName Fri 28-Jun-13 18:41:53

YABU. Enjoy your lovely clean house.

You should be leaving her a point her doing jobs that you don't mind doing yourself.

HildaOgden Fri 28-Jun-13 18:42:39

Couple of questions...what was your husband doing while his mother cleaned?And who was due to do the cleaning,if she hadn't?

girliefriend Fri 28-Jun-13 18:42:47


Get a grip and be grateful, why is it a dig?

Maybe just maybe she was trying to be helpful .....

Tilly333 Fri 28-Jun-13 18:43:13

My MIL once wrote the words DIRTY in the dust underneath a cupboard we had in by daughters bedroom. We have wooden floors that do get dusty very quickly. I found it when next cleaning so left it after adding the word 'still' in front of it. I knew she'd check when she next visited. Nothing was ever mentioned. It made my blood boil at the time, but I do love visiting her and pointing out cobwebs and stuff she's missed whilst cleaning her house. Freak!

NoisesOff Fri 28-Jun-13 18:43:24

I'd struggle with this, personally. I'm a very private person and I'd feel a little too invaded.

MrsLyman Fri 28-Jun-13 18:43:39

My own view would be that if someone wants to be passive aggressively bitchy about my cleaning ability by making my life easier then more fool them.

DumSpiroSpero Fri 28-Jun-13 18:44:18

Better than her bringing pre-packed sandwiched for her lunch, then leaving you a 'to do' list and writing 'DIRTY' in the thin later of dust on top of the log burner...

StuntGirl Fri 28-Jun-13 18:44:28

Am assuming she's one of those super cleaning type people and her house is spotless. Next time you're at hers start making comments on you being surprised she missed the grease in the kitchen, or the dust in the bathroom etc. Will drive her mad to think her cleaning is not 'perfect' grin

Mintyy Fri 28-Jun-13 18:44:38

I would HATE this. If your house needs cleaning and your dh has a day off then he should bloody well be doing it.


NeoMaxiZoomDweebie Fri 28-Jun-13 18:44:48

The thing many people hate with MILS is when they do things which are "mothering" by their nature...see my OWN Mum has always washed up or folded stuff when she's here without me....I've never minded..but when my MIL did the same I got all Mother Lion about it....and felt she was undermining my "status" but really...bollocks to all's too short.

There are worse things someone can do than help you out a bit.

SJisontheway Fri 28-Jun-13 18:44:54

Good advice from Neo. Refuse to let it get to you.

Patosshades Fri 28-Jun-13 18:46:20

Leave her to it. You know it's no reflection on you so don't allow it to niggle away at you.

Suzieismyname Fri 28-Jun-13 18:46:45

Unannounced I'd feel as though she'd invaded my privacy but with enough warning to hide anything personal she'd be most welcome. Unfortunately my ILs way of tidying is just clearing everything to the side in big piles. ..

Gingerandcocoa Fri 28-Jun-13 18:46:52

I can see why it would upset you, but on the other hand... I hate cleaning grin

SmiteYouWithThunderbolts Fri 28-Jun-13 18:48:38

My mum does odd bits of cleaning to help out when she visits. I don't mind one bit. My MIL does the same thing, I get very territorial and take it as a slight against my domestic skills (or the lack thereof). Meh. Can't help but feel slightly sorry for MIL now I look at it like that. hmm

meganorks Fri 28-Jun-13 18:49:03

While I get your point and she probably is trying to undermine you, I would still say lap it up! If only all undermining behaviour had such positive results. Send her round to undermine me!

starfishmummy Fri 28-Jun-13 18:49:40

I think, for me, it would depend what she had done. A bit of vacuuming or dusting wouldn't worry me but jfk she had decided to go through cupboards & drawers I would not be amused.

Tigresswoods Fri 28-Jun-13 18:50:02

Just leave her to it. My MIL goes in our room & makes our bed when she stays. It's weird but I don't care.

mikkii Fri 28-Jun-13 18:50:54

My MIL does things like this. I used to take offence at this, but not anymore.

I don't think she is looking down on me, she knows I have 3 DC, a full time job and a DH who was never made to pull his weight with the housework as a child which she has admitted to me I'd him no favours in the long run.

She needs to feel useful and this makes her feel that. She Los helps wit turning up DH's trousers, turning up arms/ legs on karate suits, looking after DC3 one day a week and pitching in with sick children.

Also, she thinks I am too good for her son and has never understood why I married him grin so I think she is making sure I want to stay married to him!

MissTweed Fri 28-Jun-13 18:51:44

To add to the story..... I am 6 months pregnant and came home from work yesterday with really swollen ankles. (My DH had the day off to spend with his mum) my DH told me to sit down and put my feet up and he would cook dinner but my MIL insisted that I should cook her a meal as every time she has visited my DH has done it. (She has only visited us a handful of times in 10 years. Also I cook every day and its the on,y time my DH does it! The meal she wanted is also a meal that take flipping ages to prepare and cook!! My DH gave me a hand but I was on my feet (and painful swollen ankles) for a couple of hours preparing her meal!! My house is tidy (especially as she was visiting!!) so its not as if I live in a pigsty!! She makes snidely comments all the time but my DH doesn't seems to notice them!! (She does the same to my SIL)

carolthesecretary Fri 28-Jun-13 18:52:50

I'd hate it.

XP's Mum used to arrive, march up the stairs, empty the laundry basket and put the washing on.

One of the many reasons we are no longer together. Pair of freaks...

Why did you cook for her? Stand up for yourself more (or in this case, lie down on the sofa and refuse to move)

DumSpiroSpero Fri 28-Jun-13 18:55:14

Tilly do we share a MIL?!

Solari Fri 28-Jun-13 18:55:17

shock I would not have got up and cooked that meal. Let her react to it as she will. It might be uncomfortable, but things only get more uncomfortable when someone realises they can control you just by snapping their fingers, or making you feel a bit insecure/guilty.

Sorry about the ankles sad , hope you get a chance to rest!

Aetae Fri 28-Jun-13 18:55:33

I'd LOVE it if my MIL cleaned my house, can I borrow yours? I'm rubbish at cleaning and try to avoid it wherever possible so if someone else more qualified in the cleaning department wants to do it that's perfectly fine by me. Tell her you're inviting her over more often to clean as it's cheaper than paying a cleaner!

Patosshades Fri 28-Jun-13 18:55:48

Er, why the hell didn't you tell her to fuck the fuck off and point her towards the toaster and a sliced pan. Cheeky cow!

MissTweed Fri 28-Jun-13 18:56:19

In response to some comments.... I am not lazy, I do not live in a pigsty and I do not sit on my arse all day!! I work bloody hard, something's 6/7 days a week so yes my house is not spotless, but it is tidy!!

ComtessedeFrouFrou Fri 28-Jun-13 18:57:43

Ah. Now we get to the nub of it. It clearly was intended to wind you up then.

That was your DH's opportunity to stop her cleaning and also not to let his mother insist on you cooking. Special requests? Insisting that the meal can be cooked by you and only you? She's there for a visit not an inspection. Your DH should have told we to jog on.

TheDoctrineOfAllan Fri 28-Jun-13 18:57:46

DH had the day off and you were at work?

Pregnancy or no pregnancy, totally reasonable that he should cook!

Why didn't he tell her "no"?

HildaOgden Fri 28-Jun-13 18:58:08

If she is only visiting a handful of times in 10 years,that's what...once every 2 years?I'd handle that.Although next time,I'd specifically ask her to do some stuff 'oh MIl,if you're in the mood for cleaning,can you deep clean the oven,maybe defrost the freezer for me before you tackle any other jobs?Thanks a million,you're a poppet' ...all said with a very sweet smile. grin

Jinsei Fri 28-Jun-13 18:58:08

Oh dear, why didn't you just say no, it's DH's turn to cook tonight. Why the heck didn't he say no? confused

Pozzled Fri 28-Jun-13 18:58:08

Your MIL insisted? And you agreed to cook? Why the hell didn't your DH jump straight in with 'Oh no, Mum- I've been off all day andy pregnant wife needs to put her feet up. Of course I'll be cooking!'

The cleaning is the least of your problems. She should not be insisting on anything in your house- unless it's to pay for a take away to save you cooking.

ImNotBloody14 Fri 28-Jun-13 18:58:23

I would let her clean to her hearts content tbh- but id lock away any personal documents or letters

EugenesAxe Fri 28-Jun-13 18:58:51

No I don't think YABU - with her history I'd be insulted too.

It took me ages to come round to the fact that my MIL brought food for practically every day she and FIL came up to visit, and offered to cook most meals. DH explained it's the only way she feels like she's not freeloading, and I'm now (rightly) incredibly grateful. But it's not because she disapproves of my food - if that was the case then like you I think I'd be very angry!

ComtessedeFrouFrou Fri 28-Jun-13 19:00:19

I have this with my MIL. I never cook anything that they don't like despite the ever changing list but when they come to us, particularly during the week, they get what they're given. How bloody rude. And it's your DH that needs a kick up the arse, not so much your MIL.

ImNotBloody14 Fri 28-Jun-13 19:01:05

By the way, the best way to get her to stop is to start leaving lists and picking out bits she has missed and ask her to do them again properly grin

Blu Fri 28-Jun-13 19:01:31

Why on earth did you jump up and cook to order? Do you run a restaurant?

Be more direct.

If she has cleaned the house while you are a)out working and b)pregnant take this at face value and thank her.

If she then demands that you cook and makes comments about DH cooking, say 'sorry, I've done my shift at work today - DH is on duty tonight. Come on WhateverDay when the Head Chef - aka me - is in charge and I'd be delighted to cook this and that for you. Now, I must soak my swollen ankles in the bath, see you shortly'.

And your DH wnats a good pull through with a Christmas Tree - for letting his Mum do the cleaning instead of pitching in himslef and then for allowing you to do the cooking when he has had a day off and you have been at work and are pg. Shame on him!

DIYapprentice Fri 28-Jun-13 19:02:50

If she ever makes the dig about DH cooking all the time, just look at her in surprise and say:

'Why yes, you're right, he does always cook when you're here. You really MUST come more often then, as it's the only time he actually ever does! He really does need to be encouraged to do a bit more, doesn't he!'

MissTweed Fri 28-Jun-13 19:03:30

My DH thinks that I am the one being unreasonable!! He's a mummy's boy and had the nerve to say "well she's got a point, whenever she visits you sit on your arse and I do all the cooking"!! So who does the cooking the other 364 days of the year then??? Guess who's not getting their dinner on the table from now on??

ChippingInWiredOnCoffee Fri 28-Jun-13 19:04:14

Why in gods name did you cook for her last night. I'd have told her 'No, DH is cooking. He only does it when you are here, so I'm making the most of it. If you don't like his cooking, feel free to use the kitchen'.

She sounds like a nasty baggage - but hey, the housework is done so you can put your feet up for the weekend. Don't let that get to you, then she hasn't 'won' has she grin

pigletmania Fri 28-Jun-13 19:05:06

Please send her to mine grin

MissTweed Fri 28-Jun-13 19:05:33

To make it all worse....I think I've now got food poisoning?? :0( I've had a blazing row with my DH and I've moved into the spare room. :0(

Colliecollie Fri 28-Jun-13 19:05:48

FGS why did you cook the meal and why did your DH not tell what for? You need to stand up for yourself. Will this be your first baby?

exoticfruits Fri 28-Jun-13 19:06:28

I used to get upset with my MIL doing it but then I realised she just liked it and let her get on with it.

ChippingInWiredOnCoffee Fri 28-Jun-13 19:07:36

Oh & as for your DH... words fail me. You had been at work all day, you are 6 months pregnant, he had the day off and he let his mother badger you into cooking?? He would have caught BOTH barrels and he'd be under no illusion he was skating on thin ice if he wanted to live in the same house as his wife & child. This Mummy's Boy shit stops now. Actually - words didn't really fail me, did they grin

Blu Fri 28-Jun-13 19:08:13

Point out the facts to him plain and clear.

I very rarely advise anyone to show a thread to a DH, but it might be an eye opener to him to see how other people see this.

Fill a rucksack with something heavy, tell him to spend an hour on his feet wearing it back to front - i.e on his front, while wearing a pair of shoes a size too small. Then suggest he does a couple of hours cooking and cleaning in a hot room, without sitting down.

And ask him if he still thinks it reasonable that you stand up and cook after a days work while pg.

Jinsei Fri 28-Jun-13 19:08:33

Your DH is being an absolute arse. He had better do some good grovelling!

Hope you haven't really got food poisoning - are you ok?

ChippingInWiredOnCoffee Fri 28-Jun-13 19:08:55

Oh your poor thing sad

He is a bloody wimp isn't he.

How much longer is the old baggage staying for?

Kez171271 Fri 28-Jun-13 19:09:29

I babysat for my ex husband and his wife for the weekend. Cleaned their 7 bedroomed mansion from top to bottom.
I was just bored.

Ginderella Fri 28-Jun-13 19:09:41

I think you have bigger problems than MIL cleaning the house.

RiotsNotDiets Fri 28-Jun-13 19:10:49

shock You DH needs to check his attitude, what a wanker.

I'd be more pissed off with DH than MIL. Tell him to fuck off home to mummy if that's how he feels. He's a waste of fucking space.

Nanny0gg Fri 28-Jun-13 19:12:44

I don't think the cleaning would have been an issue if she'd been helping your DH with it.
But what on earth possessed the pair of you to give in to her demand that you cook?

TheDoctrineOfAllan Fri 28-Jun-13 19:15:04

Op, saying "you sit on your arse" in the way he did is pretty disrespectful.

Is he usually like that?

Ledkr Fri 28-Jun-13 19:16:03

Why not kill her with kindness?
Buy her sine flowers to say a massive thanks.
If she's being bitchy then it will have been a waste if time.
If helpfull then marvellous and you've said thanks.

DIYapprentice Fri 28-Jun-13 19:17:09

You need to tell your DH that if he doesn't get his act together and do his best to make sure that the two most important women in his life actually develop a good relationship then the person who will suffer the most will be HIM. Because if she is antagonising you, then it will get to the point that you won't have her in the house, and if he kicks up about it, then he would quite likely bloody well follow.

Fairylea Fri 28-Jun-13 19:18:05

I find it the height of rudeness for a guest to request who cooks and what to have. It isn't her place to decide, mil or not.

You definitely need to stand up to her and your dh needs to support you.

CailinDana Fri 28-Jun-13 19:18:25

Your h is a nasty piece of work. Does he do anything around the house?

Euphemia Fri 28-Jun-13 19:18:38

Good lord, my MIL's not allowed to insist on anything that affects what I do, in my house or hers.

Get a backbone!

Euphemia Fri 28-Jun-13 19:19:48

What does your DH do when your mother's visiting?

HighInterestRat Fri 28-Jun-13 19:21:18

Mine does this too. I do see it as a subtle way to undermine me but think I appreciate the free cleaning more so just let her get on with it. Although when I came home to find out she had gone into our clothes basket and taken our dirty washing down to her house to wash and dry because our tumble dryer had given up the ghost I felt that crossed a line somewhat. grin.

diddl Fri 28-Jun-13 19:21:35

I'm torn.

My house could do with a clean.

But, if MIL came to visit & husband was at home with her, he'd be pretty pissed off if she cleaned instead of spending time with him.

As for the cookingshock andangry.

Get him to pull his bloody finger out!

mumat39 Fri 28-Jun-13 19:22:20

I would be VERY annoyed too, but secretly happy that the house was cleaner than when I'd left it.

I would be very tempted to say something like 'oh, you missed a bit!' Obv when your DH isn't around. grin

LadyRabbit Fri 28-Jun-13 19:23:42

I could live with this kind of interfering, really I could.
YANBU for resenting the intrusion.
YABVVVVUUUU not to be grateful for the free house cleaning.

Naoko Fri 28-Jun-13 19:23:51

I'd change the locks. If DP had let her in and allowed her to do this, there would be Words, probably long ones, spoken loudly, in a number of languages and none of them suitable for polite company.

It's disrespectful. Set boundaries, get your MIL to respect them, and get your husband on board with that.

Squitten Fri 28-Jun-13 19:25:40

As far as MIL cleaning goes, I would let her get on with it. More fool her!

But the demand for you to cook and your DH actually condoning that would make me see red. Absolutely.

If I were you OP, he would be told to go back to his mother's house and enjoy her superior services until he has decided whether he wants to be a husband or not.

Euphemia Fri 28-Jun-13 19:25:47

It doesn't sound like free house cleaning to me, it sounds like the OP's MIL rules the roost in her son's house, and he enables her.

Completely unacceptable.

facedontfit Fri 28-Jun-13 19:28:42

You were out when MIL visited and she cleaned the house. What's not to like! wink

MissYamabuki Fri 28-Jun-13 19:29:17

This (makes) would make my blood boil.
MIL is not happy unless she's on her hands and knees scrubbing something with a cloth that goes from the table to the floor then to the chopping board then to the hobs. I just give her random jobs to do to keep her busy.

You were out when MIL visited and she cleaned the house. What's not to like!

Her mil insisting that she cooks while she's 6 months pregnant and been at work all day.
Her DH being a cock.


VonHerrBurton Fri 28-Jun-13 19:35:58

Haven't spoken to the evil cow my MIL for years now but this is the sort of thing she would do, btw, its a mere STRAW from the camel's back as to why we didn't ever get on!

I would come home from work to find she had let herself in and rearranged my whole kitchen, tins where dishes were, pans where plates where. Food she 'didnt like the look/smell of' had been binned - olives, fish that wasn't battered cod, various dips. All binned.

She hated that since her ds and I had got together,his tastes had matured beyond mild cheddar and sliced tomato white bread 'butties'.

She even went as far as to change a jar of plain cotton wool for fucking MULTI COLOUR cotton wool. Weird control freak..

However im rambling smile im sure nobodys mil is as weird as mine. What im trying to say is YANBU. Its too invasive. A few dishes, throw the hoover round is one thing. Full on sort out - a no no.

exoticfruits Fri 28-Jun-13 19:39:42

My ILs used to house sit when we were on holiday- it was lovely we came back to a clean house and neat garden.

exoticfruits Fri 28-Jun-13 19:40:36

It depends on how you get on I suppose- they are lovely people- unfortunately too elderly to do it now.

sheridand Fri 28-Jun-13 19:41:50

I used to let it niggle me too, but then when I went back to work, I found it a godsend, tbh. Now I leave her notes with what needs doing! They pop in three times a week to walk the dog, and she does my ironing, and she'll always hoover too. It's actually made our relationship better, I think she wanted to be helpful before, but was walking on eggshells, and I was being oversensitive. Now I'm happy to let her do stuff, and thankful for it! In fact, I don't know what i'd do without her now, i'd certainly never get all the washing done. I think my MIL wants to feel useful. The FIL is the same, if I don't give him fences to mend etc, he will end up fiddlign with stuff in the shed or repairing dripping taps that don't exist. Use them!

MissTweed Fri 28-Jun-13 19:45:47

Normally my DH isn't such a cock but when it comes to his mother he just can't see what my problem is. He knows I have an issue with the way she treats me (I never said anything for 9 years but it all came out last year) but now he just thinks that I see everything she does as a dig.

This is another example of what she's like..... She left her XH whilst he was dying of lung cancer and moved his children (then 13 & 17) to the other end of the country!! She also forgot to mention to them that he was dying!!

cocolepew Fri 28-Jun-13 19:48:25

My MIL, when me and DH went in holiday, got the key which his dad had (he was wallpapering a room for us) and came down and 'cleaned' the entire flat. This involved moving everything around, including our bed hmm. Putting jumpers I had drying over the bath in the machine and shrinking them. Rearranging all my cupboards and going through my personal papers, payslips, bank details and all my mortgage stuff (the flat was mine before I got married) and throwing out what she thought I shouldn't bother keeping.

Funnily enough I didn't think she was being helpful. And I don't think yours was either.

KingRollo Fri 28-Jun-13 19:49:01

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

DontmindifIdo Fri 28-Jun-13 20:00:14

She's clever, she's insulted you in a way that when you complain, you look ungrateful and anything you say to her will be answered with "I was only trying to help" which she wasn't and makes you look bad. Like when people buy your DCs a gift like a fuck off huge trampoline that takes over your whole garden, complaining that you don't want it makes you rude and ungrateful (OP, be aware, she'll use present buying for your DC to undermine you next, mark my words).

I would suggest from now on, you and your DH take it in turns to cook. You will only cook for him every other day, and agree that when parents visit, whoever's turn it is will cook, unless one has had hte day off and the other hasn't, in which case the person who's had all day to cook does it. Plus ask what he was doing when his mother cleaned - did he just watch her or did he actually clean up his own mess?

MissBetseyTrotwood Fri 28-Jun-13 20:05:07

See, my head says YABU but my heart says the opposite. MIL and PIL let themselves into our house while we were on holiday to 'do a few jobs' clean and mow the lawn and I felt a bit yuck about that. She always makes a big deal about not judging us being messy and chaotic but actions like that show me that secretly she does. Otherwise, why feel the need to do it at all...?

So here I am on the fence. Sorry.

diddl Fri 28-Jun-13 20:09:25

But I think that letting yourself into an empty house is entirely different to cleaning whilst one of the homeowners is there.

Why shouldn't she clean if her son is OK with it?

Why is the cleaning soley the OPs responsibility?

ToomuchIsBackOnBootcamp Fri 28-Jun-13 20:11:51

Well the acorn didn't fall far from THAT tree, did it OP?

Having read your later updates beyond the cleaning one, I would say you need to have a serious talk with your 'd'h and set some rules about respect for you, his wife. chipping said what I was feeling.

myroomisatip Fri 28-Jun-13 20:15:54

* Blu Fri 28-Jun-13 19:08:13*

This! Exactly!

MaryBateman Fri 28-Jun-13 20:26:39

We once came back from our holiday - when MIL was feeding the cat - to find she had re-decorated our hall. We'd had it replastered a while before and were leaving it to dry out fully before we re-decorated according to the plasterer's advice. About three weeks after her 'kind' gesture our very expensive and carefully selected wallpaper started lifting and peeling off because the plaster was still damp. I know she meant well but I could have killed her. DP was even crosser than I was.

And when DS was in hospital she came down to our house with my DM to have a tidy up. I will be the first to admit that the place was a shit tip. DS had been ill for weeks, DP was working away and what with caring for him and working full time, domestic duties had slipped somewhat. She started bitching about how she would never have let her house get into such a state and how disgraceful it was that her son had to live in such conditions. My DM - who I don't always see eye to eye with - ripped her a new one and told her straight that she would've have done better if she'd taught her son how to look after himself, how to be a good partner and how to do basic housework tasks. DP wasn't that bad, neither of us could cope. But she was a much more helpful person after that conversation.

But OP I would not have cooked. And I'd have told her straight why not. She's your MIL, not the Queen. It seems very perverse that a MIL would want a heavily pregnant DIL to run round after her.

deste Fri 28-Jun-13 22:45:20

I spent the whole of Wednesday evening and most of yesterday cleaning my DDs flat as she was moving out yesterday. I cleaned everything with her help, when she wasn't working and left the flat cleaner than my own house. She was really grateful and bought me dinner but really I was making sure we got the deposit back because we paid it. And if she had been heavily pregnant I would not have expected her to cook.

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