please, I truly need to now if it's me being unreasonable here.

(173 Posts)
mosp Tue 25-Jun-13 19:32:33

I have never posted on aibu before, and I am actually sweating a little here. However, I feel that I need to know whether this lady is right or wrong:

My dd1 goes to ballet on Tuesday evenings. We walk there (45 minutes each way) and when we arrive at the Methodist church where it is held, I feel the need to rest my aching feet (Tuesdays are busy physically for me).

The place where mums wait is the lobby of the church, and there are only about 5 chairs available. When I arrive, there is always one chair free. Well, at least, until today I thought it was free. It turns out that one of the mums wants to reserve it for her 4 or 5 year old son. She places a coat over the back of the chair every week. I hadn't really clocked this before (I'm not very quick at picking up cues) so I have just politely asked if she minded if I place the coat on the side so that I can sit. I honestly didn't realise that this might be a problem. (Now I think about it, she never looked very happy about moving the coat)

The boy is NEVER sitting in the chair when I arrive and he never shows any signs of wishing to sit down the whole time they are there. He's happily scampering around with his sister.

So, I was kind of taken aback today when she told me that the chair was actually where her son was sitting and would I please find somewhere else to sit next time. I didn't know what to say to that! I didn't realise at all. On reflection, I can't see why she needs to lay claim to the chair. Her son clearly doesn't want it and I don't want to have to sit on the floor or stand when there is a vacant chair.

Today, as if to prove her point, she beckoned her son to her and tried to sit him on her knee, telling him loudly that he hasn't got a chair any more. He didn't want to sit on her knee, and wriggled off to play again.

So, am I right in thinking she's being a bit bizarre? Or is it me? And next week, should I just sit on the floor? Bear in mind, I hate hate hate confrontation. I also hate having any attention drawn to myself, which would happen if I do sit on the floor, I feel.

Oh, I don't know. I know it is petty, but it has shaken me up a bit and made me doubt something that I had no idea was an issue...

Nicolaeus Tue 25-Jun-13 19:33:35

Yanbu

YANBU, any chance you can get there first? I'd leave at 9 in the morning if I had to just to annoy her wink

Shutupanddrive Tue 25-Jun-13 19:36:23

YANBU at all

MrsLettuce Tue 25-Jun-13 19:36:26

YANBU

notwoo Tue 25-Jun-13 19:36:30

No way should you sit on the floor!!

Could you get there a bit earlier next time though so you have more chairs to choose from?

EmpressOfTheSevenOceans Tue 25-Jun-13 19:36:38

She's being massively rude, and you have every right to keep sitting on that chair!

currywurst3 Tue 25-Jun-13 19:36:47

Shes one of those women who hasn't matured since primary school. What grown adult still tries to 'bagsy' seats.

Having said that, I do wonder how on earth your DD is coping with a ballet session after the walk, if YOU need to sit down hmm

EmpressOfTheSevenOceans Tue 25-Jun-13 19:37:12

She's being massively rude, and you have every right to keep sitting on that chair!

mosp Tue 25-Jun-13 19:37:38

PHEW!!! I feel so relieved. The first two responses say ianbu smile

I can't get there first! It is a rush getting there as it is. We literally eat a quick snack and then set off after school because it starts at 5pm.

WorraLiberty Tue 25-Jun-13 19:37:52

No confrontation needed

Just say "Sorry, but he doesn't appear to be using it"...and sit yourself down.

YANBU. Adults get chairs, kids get the floor, thems the rules. What about calmly pointing out that her son is not using the seat? I'd probably just plonk my arse down and ignore any comments, but that's me.

I would try to get there before her.

But then I wouldn't do an afterschool activity that I had to walk 45 minutes to, TBH.

WorraLiberty Tue 25-Jun-13 19:39:12

Oh and ask someone from the church if it's possible to put a few more chairs out.

MatersMate Tue 25-Jun-13 19:39:18

Oh ffs this is easy...YANBU. front it out, or you will have that awkward situation every week, daft cow.

Try and get there before her, if not say...' can I have the chair your son isn't sitting on?'

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Yanbu.

Just say, "oh I'll just sit here until he needs the chair back then. He doesn't seem to need it at the moment."

mosp Tue 25-Jun-13 19:39:40

justforlaughs, dd is a lot fitter than me. She chose to do ballet and she loves it. She is 12, by the way. I suppose I could just let her walk alone, but we like that walk - good chatting time for us.

dufflefluffle Tue 25-Jun-13 19:39:49

Or even: "well, he doesn't appear to be using it" - save your sorry for somebody worthy of it.

MatersMate Tue 25-Jun-13 19:40:30

Seems a hell of a lot of exercise straight after school (for both of you!)

Coconutty Tue 25-Jun-13 19:41:00

Just sit down next week and hand the coat to her. If she says anything just tell her to stop being silly.

MatersMate Tue 25-Jun-13 19:41:18

Fair enough then. bollocks to the woman!

Foosyerdoos Tue 25-Jun-13 19:41:44

Since when do children get priority to have a seat over an adult (unless there is a specific need). I would tell my children to give up their seat if an adult needed one. YANBU

Fair enough OP. I must admit that I assumed she was younger probably because my own dd dropped ballet when she was4!. Nor would let her walk alone, it sounds like you have a good relationship with her and it's lovely that you make that effort to do what she wants to do. As I said before, YANBU anyway. I can't imagine ever letting my child take up a seat and leave adults standing. Even my 14 year old sat on my lap in the hospital waiting room recently!

DuttyWine Tue 25-Jun-13 19:43:50

Get there early and put your bag on the chair next to it and be very engrossed in a book when she arrives!

On a sensible note ask the church to put out more chairs.

mosp Tue 25-Jun-13 19:44:54

One of the arguments she said (kind of to the air, as I wasn't really responding any more) was "Why should my child have to sit on the floor?"

But he wasn't sitting on the floor. I just don't know where to start.

She had drawn the chair right up close to her own chair, preparatory for my arrival (I realise in hindsight). She definitely makes it awkward for me to sit in it.

I need to be bolshy if I am to continue to stand my ground. And bolshy is something I am not sad

Salmotrutta Tue 25-Jun-13 19:44:55

You aren't unreasonable - she is!

TimeofChange Tue 25-Jun-13 19:46:02

She is incredibly ignorant and teaching her child to be ignorant too.

Can you shame her into letting you sit down by telling her you have health problems.

I took my 80+ year old Mum to a Christmas Church Service, but didn't get there early enough, so had to stand as all the seats were taken.
Toddlers had their own full size seats but were actually playing on the floor.
Not one bloody woman offered my Mum their child's chair.

We left half way through as my Mum couldn't stand any longer.

ImperialBlether Tue 25-Jun-13 19:47:12

You should get the seat, but why don't you phone the vicar and ask whether a few more chairs could be put there so that parents can sit down? He/she probably put out a random number thinking that would be fine, without thinking it through.

Apart from that, there is no way she should be bagging a seat for her child, particularly as her child doesn't even want to sit down! Why the hell should you sit on the floor when there's an empty seat?

Salmotrutta Tue 25-Jun-13 19:47:21

If you get there and the boy is playing about and she has "staked her claim" just sit down.

No need to say anything. If she start commenting just ignore her.

She'll soon dry up.

Mehrida Tue 25-Jun-13 19:47:34

Yanbu. Agree with the comments saying to point out that he's not using it.

Could you ask one of the others who get there early to sit in a seat for you until you get there?

Also, sounds like an excuse to get yourself a new, more practical pair of walking shoes!

honeytea Tue 25-Jun-13 19:47:35

Just say to her "oh, just let me know when he needs to sit down and I will get up, no point in me sitting on the floor when there is an empty seat!" I doubt she will ask you to move smile

MrsLyman Tue 25-Jun-13 19:47:48

YANBU when I was that boys age even if I had been sitting on the chair my mum would have made me get up so that you could sit down.

mosp Tue 25-Jun-13 19:48:16

Well, thank you all for confirming that she was bu, not me. It makes me feel better, even though I know I'll not be brave enough to take her bagsied (sp?) chair!

IwishIwasmoreorganised Tue 25-Jun-13 19:48:17

If you don't want to cause a scene, could you take a camping chair with you?

Otherwise, her ds needs to be taught to respect adults and she needs to realise that the world does not revolve around her sn.

HollyBerryBush Tue 25-Jun-13 19:48:57

Well I dont care if you have sore feet or not. See, if there are children and adults in a room, chairs are for adults, floors are for children. Problem sorted. Show her my post and tell her she's rude grin

Coconutty Tue 25-Jun-13 19:49:06

Try being bolshy mosp it's usually quite good fun.

MammaTJ Tue 25-Jun-13 19:49:10

YANBU. Next week get there before her and reserve a seat for your imaginary friend who needs it just as much as her son does! grin

Salmotrutta Tue 25-Jun-13 19:49:55

No dont tell her to "let me know when he needs to sit down"!

That's an open invitation to her trying to get him to sit down!

landofsoapandglory Tue 25-Jun-13 19:50:55

She is incredibly rude.

I use two crutches to walk, and I have had to stand while parents have allowed their small children to have seats in busy waiting areas. Not one of them offered me a chair. Ignorant gits!

mosp Tue 25-Jun-13 19:51:00

If I could arrive any earlier, I would! That would be the simplest solution!

Salmotrutta Tue 25-Jun-13 19:51:25

That was in response to honeytea by the way!

ChippingInWiredOnCoffee Tue 25-Jun-13 19:54:02

The chair is empty - it's all yours.

The chair has a 5 year old sitting on it - he moves to his mother's knee.

He doesn't want to sit on her knee - he sits on the floor.

Job done.

IsotopeMe Tue 25-Jun-13 19:54:29

Could you pack your dds clothes and a snack in a small bag and walk straight there after school? That would save you a little time and allow you to get there earlier and get the chair?

Yanbu, btw!

unobtanium Tue 25-Jun-13 19:54:39

Silly woman.

YANBU

Keep using the chair. Try to be bolshy about it... you have every right.

YANBU.

DawnOfTheDee Tue 25-Jun-13 19:58:46

Think of this as your opportunity to toughen up. I'd take a magazine/kindle with me, plonk my fat arse down and ignore her. If she says anything, big smile and 'your son doesn't appear to be using it' or similar.

Or blow a raspberry everytime she says anything. Childish but satisfying and I bet she'd soon shut up.

Floggingmolly Tue 25-Jun-13 19:59:18

She's a nutcase. Normally asking as you did is the polite thing to do, but with loons like this don't bother again. If the seat's empty, sit in it.
Don't ask anyone's permission, certainly not her's.

ThirdTimesABrokenFanjo Tue 25-Jun-13 19:59:57

Please sit in the chair next time and don't even argue about it if you don't feel comfortable. Just pull out your phone and make yourself busy.

If she asks why her son should sit on the floor ask why you should when the chair is clearly free.

She's a dick obviously

Oldraver Tue 25-Jun-13 20:00:04

Could you cycle there ?

wharrgarbl Tue 25-Jun-13 20:02:34

I'd sit down, and if she were cheeky enough to say anything to me, I'd look her straight in the face and say 'oh well'.

ThirdTimesABrokenFanjo Tue 25-Jun-13 20:03:39

Oh and don't worry about her coat, either sit on it or put it on the foor. Or be very polite and tell her "you dropped this"

katydid02 Tue 25-Jun-13 20:04:41

YANBU, the child can sit on her knee.

Of course you can be bolshy. Who cares if you offend her. In her eyes you already have anyway. Just be smiley and polite and say "oh, he doesn't appear to be using it at the moment so I'll just have a little sit down" Flash her an even bigger smile then lounge there for the entirety of your wait with a stash of choccy biscuits and a good book to make ignoring her easier. She won't say anything, she'll only make an arse out of herself if she does.

Or you could just be sensible and ask for extra chairs to be put out grin

JamieandtheMagicTorch Tue 25-Jun-13 20:09:29

YANBU

Her behaviour is a little unusual

Be super assertive with a big cheesy grin, as HeadFirst says

Nanny0gg Tue 25-Jun-13 20:10:29

If she asks why her son should sit on the floor ask why you should when the chair is clearly free.
And also because he is a child and you are an adult and that's how it works.
She does also have the option of him sitting on her lap.

Can you not get them to set out more chairs though? Ask the teacher.

AmberLeaf Tue 25-Jun-13 20:13:46

YANBU at all.

She is being ridiculous!

JamieandtheMagicTorch Tue 25-Jun-13 20:14:45

I'd be tempted to be really evil/friendly and start a conversation with her, as if there has been no unpleasantness. You might find you can charm her. It takes a bit of chutzpah, and you don't want to come over as pleading or people-pleasing

honeytea Tue 25-Jun-13 20:19:44

You could say "oh if he needs to sit down he can sit on my knee, I love a cuddle and dd is getting too big to sit on my knee these days"

She will probably never talk to you again, win for you!

RazzleDazzleEm Tue 25-Jun-13 20:30:55

I would approach the ballet people and say its a problem only having so few chairs and can they get more out. explain your problem, and they may laugh and even say something.

Tell her that you and her ds want the chair so one of you will have to sit on her knee. Her choice which it is!

catsmother Tue 25-Jun-13 20:40:14

"Why should my child have to sit on the floor?"

Reply: "Yes I agree, I'd hate to see Precious Perfect Peter your child on the floor too so when he's ready to sit down you'll need to give up your bloody chair won't you".

And then sit down on the vacant chair.

What an ignorant cow she is .....

raisah Tue 25-Jun-13 20:43:43

Just sit yourself down and say that if she wants her son to sit, she can give up her own chair for her son. Selfish entitled cow.

Can you get the bus there or back as it will end up being a lond day for you both.

Holycowiloveyoureyes Tue 25-Jun-13 20:48:45

Suggest you sit on her lap instead. Ignorant cow.

piprabbit Tue 25-Jun-13 20:48:48

You could try
a) lying on the floor and making "snow angel" moves.
b) taking a deckchair and making yourself comfy.
c) make a special effort to get there especially early and reserve all the chairs, put your feet up if necessary.
d) just sitting on the chair like you have been doing and ignoring the silly woman - it's not like you are going to be losing a friend.

formicadinosaur Tue 25-Jun-13 20:55:40

An adult has more claim to a chai then a child. It's just manners.

Don't ask next time. Just say ' if your son wants to sit ill happily move

Emilythornesbff Tue 25-Jun-13 20:58:47

YANBU.
Andworra that is an admirably assertive and appropriate response IMHO.

tethersend Tue 25-Jun-13 21:00:03

Time to fake a broken leg I reckon.

Find her limits grin

maddening Tue 25-Jun-13 21:00:54

Yanbu

And if she keeps pulling the chair closer to her to make you uncomfortable then sit there and quite deliberately and obviously fart in her direction (with a lean) - although I realise this could never happen it would be fucking hilarious.

samuelwhiskers Tue 25-Jun-13 21:10:18

YANBU, she sounds like a nutcase. Stand you ground, just sit in the chair and if she says anything, look her in the eye, smile sweetly but say nothing. If she continues, then say, well your DS is clearly not using the chair and I need to sit down after my walk.

Chivetalking Tue 25-Jun-13 21:15:54

Sit.

If there are more chairs anywhere point her in their direction if she bellyaches. And bask in the knowledge you're pissing this muppet off.

SaggyOldClothCatPuss Tue 25-Jun-13 21:19:56

Reply: "Yes I agree, I'd hate to see Precious Perfect Peter your child on the floor too so when he's ready to sit down you'll need to give up your bloody chair won't you".

^^THIS!

When I am in a confrontational situation I channel my husband (6ft 4) and imagine he is standing next to me and think of what he would say to whoever is being obnoxious.

Could you channel the fury and outrage of MN and imagine you have us standing next to you!!!!!?

SarahAndFuck Tue 25-Jun-13 21:21:47

OP I will tell you my chair story.

DS went to swimming lessons and one family kept reserving several seats. I hadn't realised and went to sit on one and the father actually pushed me away as he said he was saving it for his wife.

I think it was the shock of being pushed that did it, because I sat down anyway just as he draped his arm protectively over the chair.

Which left us sitting side by side, carefully not looking at each, with his arm around my shoulders.

Then we waited it out for several minutes without saying a word, just quietly listening to the sniggering from the other parents, until his wife came in and stared at us and he carefully removed his arm from around me.

That was a long half an hour. But as we left I had more than one other parent tell me how pleased they were that I'd done it.

Stick with it OP. Why should you stand or sit on the floor so she can have an empty chair for her coat?

Fefifo Tue 25-Jun-13 21:22:07

YANBU. For your use of he word 'scampering' alone. Plus the chair stuff.

cerealqueen Tue 25-Jun-13 21:23:29

YANBU, her son doesn't need to sit does he, she is being a pain for the sake of it.

Here we are

Oh my GOD sarahandfuck that is so funny!!!,

Seriously. Suggest you sit on her knee. Mad woman.

Shutupanddrive Tue 25-Jun-13 21:28:56

When is the next class? I need to know what happens grin

There are somethings in this world you don't need to ask permission to do...can I bf my baby?...can I ring for an ambulance?..can I SIT ON A CHAIR A 5 YR OLD ISN'T USING!

She is a rude, ignorant and entitled woman...sit your bottom down and ignore the passive/aggressive comments. This problem is all of her own making.

ImTooHecsyForYourParty Tue 25-Jun-13 21:30:19

Are there only 5 chairs in the methodist hall?

Could you not just phone the caretaker or someone beforehand, explain the problem and ask them to lay out an extra chair each week?

Then next week you can go there, sit in the extra chair and turn to her and say "since you wanted to keep this chair free in case your son playing over there ever actually feels like sitting down, I just phoned X and sorted this out. There. That was easy, wasn't it."

Since she already hates you, you may as well unleash your inner bitch grin

SarahAndFuck Tue 25-Jun-13 21:33:12

grin I still can't quite believe it was me Checkpoint, normally I would have stood at the back and seethed quietly.

But if I can sit in the arms of an angry stranger, the OP can sit next to this woman. You can do it OP!

MammaTJ Tue 25-Jun-13 21:33:42

I like piprabbits idea of snow angels. Sprinkle loads of talc on the floor an snow angel away!

iwantanafternoonnap Tue 25-Jun-13 21:39:47

We have a rule in my family and its 'unless your 18 you aren't entitled to a chair unless one is free but you move if an adult wants it'

I have a chair story.....we went camping to a holiday park and every night some families kept reserving the tables nearest the dance floor with a bag but wouldn't use them until about 2130. We got there at 1900 and sat at one of the tables and then when they came in at 2100 we refused to move and they kicked off but we still refused to move. The security came over and said that they were here for the season and that it was there table which got a response form us 'oh could you show us where the reserved sign was and your policy on season holders being able to reserve tables that they then don't use for 2-3 hours??'

We never moved and we were congratulated by many other families who were equally pissed off with them.

ImperialBlether Tue 25-Jun-13 21:49:08

Could you ask one of the other mums to bag you a seat?

I don't know why you don't just ask the vicar for more chairs, though!

EugenesAxe Tue 25-Jun-13 21:51:38

Another YANBU here... I completely agree that children are behind adults in the pecking order when it comes to physical comfort. The only time I may make an exception is on public transport, if they can't easily sit on my lap and it would be a danger to have them try to hold on.

I can't believe she said 'Why should my child have to sit on the floor?' I really cannot. No wonder so many children lack respect for elders and those in authority these days.

WafflyVersatile Tue 25-Jun-13 21:54:48

forgetting adults v children for a moment, someone who wants a seat takes preference over someone who has absolutely no interest whatsoever in having a seat.

YANBU.

Catmint Tue 25-Jun-13 22:02:21

Am curious, what are the people in the other 3 seats doing?

WafflyVersatile Tue 25-Jun-13 22:04:07

being careful to turn up 3/4 hour early to make sure they arrive before stroppy bollocks?

SerBrienne Tue 25-Jun-13 22:09:18

We were always taught to give up our seat for an adult. I teach my children the same. What are we coming to?

NonieLaLa93 Tue 25-Jun-13 22:28:34

You are not being out of order at all, whatever happened to children sitting on floors? they love to be running around, crawling.. anything but sitting still. You shouldn't be allowed to reserve chairs definitely when there is so few! so no you are well withing your right to sit on that chair unless she bought it in herself grin

rusticlanguage Tue 25-Jun-13 22:36:16

She's not being a 'bit bizzare', she's being a lot bizarre.

Maybe you can carry a light camping chair with you next time and ostentatiously unfold and sit on it? Perhaps accompanied with a loud sigh and saying "So nice to sit down!".

Jimmybob Tue 25-Jun-13 22:44:15

Go early next week and take some towels.You can be saving them for your imaginary friends....and pretend you are on holiday at the same time...

mosp Tue 25-Jun-13 23:26:50

Ha ha! Thank you for all the replies! Sarah, your chair story is hilarious!!!! And yes, it gives me the impetus to just carry on sitting next to her. I would love to fart in her general direction, but sadly I can't muster them up at will!

myroomisatip Tue 25-Jun-13 23:32:05

Dear God. YANBU. !!!!

This would make me want to buy a voodoo doll and stick pins in it! smile

i swear if you are anywhere in NI, i will pick you up and make sure you arrive super duper early!

cheeky mare!

kungfupannda Tue 25-Jun-13 23:39:53

Has someone invented a 5 year-old who will actually sit on a chair for more than 3 seconds at a time?

If so, can I reserve one for next year, when ants-in-his-pants DS turns 5?

kungfupannda Tue 25-Jun-13 23:41:27

Next time she challenges you, why not go absolutely insane, and pick up said chair, roaring like a mad creature, and run about with it held over your head before opening the door and hurling it out.

Then smile sweetly and say "There. Just needed to get that out of my system."

Graceparkhill Tue 25-Jun-13 23:43:40

Can I just echo Titanic's kind offer. If you are in/ near Glasgow I will collect you both.

mosp Tue 25-Jun-13 23:50:07

Oh, and thank you for the kind offers!!! Wow! Mumsnet at its best! I'm in East Midlands though.

If only I had another adult with me, I could be stronger about standing my ground.

The good thing is, she probably thought I was being stubborn about it. She would be surprised if she knew the angst she'd caused me!

I do like the ideas you're all suggesting. Just a shame I am so fearful of being looked at. I think the other mums present might look at me askance if I started doing snow angels or throwing chairs around grin

Wuldric Tue 25-Jun-13 23:56:48

Dear oh lord does no-one possess any manners nowadays?

My children are teens. You bet your bottom dollar that they offer up their chairs willingly (or if not willingly, they get a serious talking to) to ANY adult.

OP, YANBU. Awful behaviour, just awful.

mercury7 Wed 26-Jun-13 01:05:59
mercury7 Wed 26-Jun-13 01:10:38

oopswrongthreadblush

StuntGirl Wed 26-Jun-13 01:41:22

Oh god...I am dying laughing at this thread! grin I keep having to stifle my giggles so I don't wake my boyfriend, if he wakes up I'm blaming you lot!

Lovecat Wed 26-Jun-13 02:29:25

grin panda that would be superb grin

Now you've said your location, OP, I've had a horrible thought.... the little boy's name doesn't begin with B, does it? Because this is exactly the sort of entitled shit a friend of my sister's (in the East Mids) would pull...

Kungfutea Wed 26-Jun-13 03:59:26

Just to support what others have said - YANBU! I'm not confrontational usually either but this kind of thing would really get my goat.

Definitely continue to sit down. If you don't want to be confrontational, you could offer to get up if her ds actually wants to sit down (which he clearly doesn't despite her best efforts or she'd have ensured he was sitting at the start of the ballet) - whether you actually do or not is another question. Or you could take the bolshy approach. Either way, make sure you sit down!

Don't even engage with her, go straight in and sit in the chair.

Or

Give dd a toasted cheese sarnie to eat on the way and get there 1st. Borrow a 5 year old and do the same to her. But if your 5 year old is sitting in the seat when she arrives say politely '5 year old would you please sit in my lap as this lady would like to sit down' breathe and smile.

YANBU and this would have me dragging at least 4 other people with me early each week so she didn't even get a feckin chair!!!

MidniteScribbler Wed 26-Jun-13 05:59:05

You're nicer than me, I'd have just tossed the coat in her lap and sat down.

I cannot stand this new crap about kids having to sit down. I took my 80 year old aunt who uses a walking stick to the hairdresser after work one day (one of those walk in places) and there were only four seats in the waiting area. Three occupied by children aged 5-9ish. After mother pointedly ignored me for two minutes, I asked (politely) if my aunt could please sit down. Mother said "no, she'll have to stand. The children have been at school all day." Cue my school teacher mode kicking in. "Well yes, so have I, but I'm managing to stand on my fairly healthy legs. I think your children could share, sit on your lap, or stand, while an elderly lady sits, don't you think?" Entitled parent: "No, my children have as much rights as any adult, I won't have them thinking they are second class citizens to anyone else. You should have got here sooner."

The manager came over then and said, very sweetly "oh dear. If there's no place for you to sit, then you had better come through straight away and get your haircut. We can't have you standing there for too long can we?" Entitled mother splutters "But we were here first!" Manager: "I know, but since you're children are so tired from school, you'd better let them sit a bit longer until they feel better. Won't be long!" She was AWESOME!

SarahAndFuck Wed 26-Jun-13 08:16:01

Midnite that manager sounds fantastic. grin

Brilliant.

mosp Wed 26-Jun-13 08:44:46

Midnite, that was a perfect conclusion to your chair incident! The stuff day dreams are made of!

Sadly, I already know what will happen next Tuesday.

Unless they put out more chairs, I'll not dare to sit sad

I have emailed them to request more chairs, but I have a feeling that she may put coats on all of them. She really does come across as that bonkers!

I can't argue with a bonkers lady. No logic can prevail when you're faced with a person like that. So I'll just keep the peace sad

mosp Wed 26-Jun-13 08:47:35

Oh, lovecat - I didn't catch the boys name. But the mum does have facial piercings and dark curly hair. Does that match the description of your sister's friend?

MrsLyman Wed 26-Jun-13 09:37:20

Midnite, that story is brilliant, although sadly I expect the women in question took only a feeling of aggreivement from it!

msop please take the chair. I wish I could come with you for moral support, can knowing you have the virtual backing of A LOT of people help you to overcome your fear of standing out?

Snoopytwist Wed 26-Jun-13 10:19:52

Op - if you really don't think you can confront her or ignore her and sit there anyway, your only option is to get there first. Fabricate a dentist appointment, get your child out of school half an hour early, get down there with pre-packed snacks, sit and wait. and smirk. oh, and put your coat on her chair, with a whoopee cushion underneath it.

Lovecat Wed 26-Jun-13 10:34:13

No facial piercings, mosp, so there must be two of them!

My one is very protective of her children getting their 'share' of things & watchful to see if they're somehow missing out on something she thinks they ought to have, whether entitled to it or not! She rocked up to DNiece's birthday party with child B in tow (her elder daughter was invited to the party) and got in a right PA strop because there wasn't a party bag for the boy (who was not invited)...confused 'NO, B, there isn't a party bag for you, I KNOW it's upsetting, they SHOULD have spares, maybe someone else won't want theirs and you can have that one' - all the while glaring at me who was cutting up the cake for the bags in the kitchen... and then proceeded to take slices for her son, herself and her husband! (there was enough cake, it was just the front of it!)

SarahAndFuck Wed 26-Jun-13 17:32:48

OP you have to sit down.

Bonkers lady will just have to get over it.

Or you will look bonkers standing up when there's an empty chair.

I love that manager midnite! grin

mosp Wed 26-Jun-13 18:06:51

I know!! I'm damned if I do and damned if I don't!!

I hate that she's putting me in this awkward quandary!

Wish I could arm myself with some support sad

This thread is really funny in parts, but I also am quite upset about the whole thing! I cannot cope with confrontation sad

EverybodysStressyEyed Wed 26-Jun-13 18:48:57

Tell us about the people on the other three chairs

I am betting that if you stand up for yourself you will get a round of applause!

mosp Wed 26-Jun-13 18:56:04

I doubt it sad
Yesterday they just kept their heads down as crazy lady was so rude! They did not make any eye contact at all. That's partly why I needed to ask you lot about it. I was seriously doubting myself!

Madlizzy Wed 26-Jun-13 19:07:11

I'd be just as childish and say something like "You snooze, you lose" grin

tiptapkeyboard Wed 26-Jun-13 19:16:17

Why is she more important than you? She is not.

You both pay the same for the class.

Stick up for yourself. She is wrong, not you. Do not be made to feel shit.

I used to be the shyest person ever. Would blush if anyone other than immediate family/close friends spoke to me. People walked all over me.

I am now very very confident. I am not sure how it changed, but it did. I will speak to random strangers about anything, I stopped a woman in the street today to tell her I really liked her hair - i mean wtf? People describe me as bubbly. I used to dream of being described as bubbly!

Do it. Go on smile And MN on your phone and tell us. Life is too short to be made to feel like shit - she only does it because she gets away with it.

DawnOfTheDee Wed 26-Jun-13 19:25:35

Take your ipod along and play 'Sit Down' by James on loop to give you strength. Sing along tunelessly if you really want to do her head in....wink

CitizenOscar Wed 26-Jun-13 19:27:33

"Don't be ridiculous. I need the chair; he doesn't. I'm going to sit down."

No need to engage further. Practise saying it (or something similar) until it feels ok.

"I can't argue with a bonkers lady. No logic can prevail when you're faced with a person like that."
So don't argue. Just look at her as if she's mad (which she is) and sit down. Don't engage with her at all. Get a book/newspaper out of your bag and ignore her (or do a good impersonation of ignoring while you inwardly feel faint with the stress of it all). Persevere!

You have to fake confidence at first. Sit down, even if you are blushing to your roots. It will pass.

Tell yourself over and over that you want to show your dd how to stand up for herself and you can do this.

We will be here for support and you'll feel fantastic afterwards. I guarantee it. smile

mrsravelstein Wed 26-Jun-13 19:38:40

i would laugh at her and say "don't be so ridiculous". (then again, i have been known to remove towels from 'reserved' sunbeds on holiday if there has been nobody sitting on them for 2 hours and all the others are occupied, so i have form with chairs and rights thereto)

MsPickle Wed 26-Jun-13 19:44:54

Loving the happy ending tales of similar situations on here!

OP you say that you hate confrontation. Might it help to think that any confrontation isn't yours it's batshit crazy woman's? And picture the legion of MNrs standing around you saying you deserve a nice sit down?

Alternatively next week arrive with biscuits, a cushion and a magazine for the boy. As you thought it only fair that he had a treat as he has to hang out at his sisters class? Sit him next to you, pay him loads of attention, feed him biscuits and ignore batshit crazy woman (bscw). If BSCW comments you can sweetly say "oh, I'm sorry, did you mean to be so rude? I felt bad that it seemed to upset you that I sit on a chair, which seemed silly, so I wanted to make it up to your son. As you can tell, I also asked for more chairs as it seemed to be causing an issue for you and you seemed unsure of how to approach the situation. As an adult, we have to teach our children so many things don't we? Respect being one of them. See you next week!"

ArthurSixpence Wed 26-Jun-13 20:02:31

Just print this thread out and leave it on the seat.

Woman at ballet: the internet thinks you are rude.

Sam937 Wed 26-Jun-13 20:23:23

Message deleted by Mumsnet for breaking our Talk Guidelines. Replies may also be deleted.

mosp Wed 26-Jun-13 22:35:30

I have just got home. Can someone tell me why on earth a message has been deleted??? Surely the crazy chair lady hasn't discovered this thread????

Will now read the rest...

MammaTJ Wed 26-Jun-13 22:39:15

I think the other mums present might look at me askance if I started doing snow angels or throwing chairs around

They will look at her askance is she kicks off at you getting an empty seat and using it for yourself!!

Ruprekt Wed 26-Jun-13 22:45:29

We need to find out where ballet is and send a Mumsnetter round to sit in the chair and stand up to Bonkers Lady!! smilesmilesmile

Come on mosp.....grow a pair!! smile

mosp Wed 26-Jun-13 22:47:10

So, I keep swaying between two options. Either I just sit there anyway and don't pay her any attention. Or I obey her demand.

I am a little scared that she might get violent (verbally or otherwise) so I'm veering towards the latter.

Actually, I told the story to a group of friends while I was out this evening (the "either he sits on your knee or I do" comment was received with much mirth!!) and one of my friends has agreed to come with me. We will see if we can search the building for another chair and she'll just be there for moral support in case the loopy lady speaks to me.
I know, I'm a wimp! sad

I will not let any of your comments go to waste though. They have amused me no end and on a serious note, I am currently having counselling (for something else entirely) but I think this crippling need to avoid conflict needs addressing, doesn't it?

Sorry for any typos. On my iPod.

MsPickle Wed 26-Jun-13 23:30:23

Glad you've back up to take this batshit crazy woman on!

I'm fairly confident as a person but don't like conflict. Avoiding it is fine but that's different to not standing up for yourself against bullies. This woman is using the mere threat of possibly becoming violent to get her own way, in a church at a children's ballet class. Inappropriate and revolting. You have every right to sit down on empty chair. As would I if I arrived. She is the one who should feel embarrassed and ashamed. You have nothing to apologise for, nothing to prove to her and nothing to lose. Sounds like the other mums don't like her either.

What does your dd think about this btw?

Good luck next week, let us know how it goes.

Sleepgrumpydopey Wed 26-Jun-13 23:39:15

Do you get really sweaty after the walk? Just trying to play devils advocate here

mosp Wed 26-Jun-13 23:43:52

Sleep - no, not really. Not sure what you're getting at...

This woman purposefully moves the chair right up next to her chair to claim it. It was originally a couple of metres away (assuming you're implying that she doesn't want me to sit near her because I'm sweaty)

I'm generally ok walking there. I am used to it. I just prefer to rest my feet than not, given an option.

StuntGirl Wed 26-Jun-13 23:51:57

I'd be just as childish and say something like "You snooze, you lose"

Yes, this! We operate The Three Second Rule with regards to seating. Clearly she needs to be introduced to it grin

BegoniaBampot Thu 27-Jun-13 00:13:12

Love the raspberry bowing, the snow angel and Sarah's story made me LOL.

OP, you just have to do something. Many of us hate confrontation but you'll hate yourself more if you let this woman stamp all over you (I know - easier said than done).

SarahAndFuck Thu 27-Jun-13 00:25:23

Pick the chair up and move it away from her again.

I know it's scary to get involved in a confrontation, but it probably won't be as bad as you think and she is definitely in the wrong.

And once you've stuck up for yourself once, you'll feel better about doing it again.

mosp Thu 27-Jun-13 09:49:29

Well, I had an email back from the ballet school. The principal let me know where I can obtain an extra chair, as long as it gets put back at the end. So that is fine.

She was apologetic on behalf of mad chair lady and offered to come and sort out any further trouble.

I replied with my thanks and asked if she would have a moment to pop to the lobby at 5pm to explain to those present that chairs are for adults. I hope she does do that; it will clear up the matter without me having to make a fool of myself.

Does anyone know what that deleted post was? I'm too curious!

MatersMate Thu 27-Jun-13 10:01:00

mosp I get that you don't like confrontation, neither do I, but honestly, getting someone else to come and tell this idiot chairs are for adults is a bit extreme!

hopefully there's enough chairs now anyway, but yes,I do think you should bring this up in counselling.

no idea about deleted post.

good luck next week!

peeriebear Thu 27-Jun-13 10:01:46

If she says "My son's sitting there" say "Wow, is he invisible or just really tiny?" then sit down anyway.
Then look at her with crazy eyes and say "Did I squash him?"

peeriebear Thu 27-Jun-13 10:02:52

If she says "My son's sitting there" say "Wow, is he invisible or just really tiny?" then sit down anyway.

peeriebear Thu 27-Jun-13 10:03:17

Oops how did that happen! sorry. Stupid pooter.

RenterNomad Thu 27-Jun-13 13:41:05

Hurray for the ballet school management! Hopefully the principal is a MNer...

Idocrazythings Thu 27-Jun-13 14:19:42

I know you don't like the confrontation, but can you move her second chair away, sit down, put your iPod on with earphones and if she still complains then say "the spare chairs are xxx, if you get one you'll have to put it back". Sorry, but why should you, have to fossick for a chair when there's one free.

Do it to be strong for yourself and not let people take advantage. You never know- you might like it smile

Pigsmummy Thu 27-Jun-13 14:36:12

Deleted post was mad chair lady obvs...

FrequentFlyerRandomDent Thu 27-Jun-13 14:44:22

for you

Take some tea and biscuits too, like a true camper. grin

mosp Thu 27-Jun-13 14:58:45

I fear if I do anything to defy her, she'll scratch my eyes out!!

Yeah, I know my plan is a cop out but I will just go with it. If she is rude to me again, I will rethink.

I can't be doing with people like her. Actually, I would rather not sit by her now. Moving the chair would not be an easy task. They are wide(ish) comfy chairs rather than the plastic type so I wouldn't be able to whip it up and move it in a jiffy.

cronullansw Fri 28-Jun-13 01:55:20

Sounds to me like you need some shoe insoles.

Not joking. If you feet hurt so much you need to sit down after a walk, (assuming it's not a real hike) then see a podiatrist.

And tell that stupid woman, and her precious brat, to bugger off.

Elquota Fri 28-Jun-13 02:21:41

YANBU. She has no right to bully you and can't do anything at all if you decide to sit down. She's making herself look silly.

PurplePidjin Fri 28-Jun-13 05:58:08

The deleted post was probably a spammer wink

mosp Fri 28-Jun-13 08:41:28

Cronullansw, I think it is just that I've been on my feet for much of the day on a Tuesday. They aren't hurting badly, but I just appreciate a sit down for the 45 minutes of her lesson.

xylem8 Fri 28-Jun-13 09:00:26

If there are insufficient seats then have a word with the ballet teacher to ask that more seats be put out next time.A church must have more than 5 surely?

mosp Fri 28-Jun-13 09:06:25

Xylem, I have done that smile
I just hope it works out for next tues and that she doesn't address me again!

ElsieOops Fri 28-Jun-13 12:32:39

good luck for next Tuesday mosp. If you struggle with confrontation it's good to get someone neutral to sort it.

my chair story - not exciting - but I regularly go to dances which are tiring so it's nice to sit and watch for a rest. There are many more people than chairs so I always put my stuff under or on the back leaving the seat free. It's amazing how many people "bag" a chair by leaving jumpers on top so you end up with the ridiculous situation of 50 chairs all bagged while people are dancing.

I always simply pick their jumpers up, hang them over the back and sit down. Getting up again when they return.

It feels wrong breaking the code of moving other's belongings, but why are they being so selfish?

captainmummy Tue 02-Jul-13 18:09:46

How did it go, Mosp?

Confrontation - or more chairs? grin

CalamityJ Tue 02-Jul-13 18:20:33

How did it go OP! Please update!

Shutupanddrive Tue 02-Jul-13 18:29:11

Any news?

SarahAndFuck Tue 02-Jul-13 18:33:28

OP is probably still walking home.

If class starts at 5pm and probably lasts an hour, her DD might then have to get changed and then it's a 45 minute walk home for them.

mosp Tue 02-Jul-13 18:53:39

Hello, thank you SO much for asking.

I have a rather boring update really.

My friend came with me for moral support. When I waked in, my observations were:

1) the child was scrambling all over a table

2) the mum had also brought an extra person with her to sit in the other chair (presumably anyone is preferable to me, although it did mean her poor child had no chair today - bot that he needed one of course)

3) there were a couple of extra chairs out, presumably the work if the ballet teacher smile

My friend and I paid her no attention but just sat and chatted. Also checked out the location of the church hall for future reference.

So, it was all rather pain free.

Thank you all do much for asking and sorry I don't have a funny story to tell!

mosp Tue 02-Jul-13 18:54:45

Sorry for weird typos, on iPod and it's really hard to preview properly!

CalamityJ Tue 02-Jul-13 18:56:57

Love that you both took moral support!

mosp Tue 02-Jul-13 19:06:16

Yes grin

I must look scarier than I give myself credit for!

mosp Tue 02-Jul-13 19:15:23

Mind ou, the 'function' of her friend was to prevent me from sitting down. I wonder what she thought when she saw that extra chairs had been set out so I ended up unaffected by it!

CalamityJ Tue 02-Jul-13 19:33:47

Pissed off I expect. And her friend will think she's a knob for bringing her along to save a chair when there's plenty spare. Question is: did she make her friend get up to give her son a seat?? grin

Glad you got a seat! grin

Nottalotta Tue 02-Jul-13 19:51:40

Surely children sit on the floor if there are adults wanting a seat? Sorry bit late to this conversation but i can't quite believe it!

SarahAndFuck Tue 02-Jul-13 19:52:53

Well done OP, perhaps now she's realise what a prat she has been. If her child can give up a seat for her friend then why on earth did she have a problem with you using it?

mosp Tue 02-Jul-13 20:28:18

Who knows, Sarah? Who knows? She's just plain bonkers and clearly hates me for daring to sit in 'her' chair every week!

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