To wonder why and one even cares if people mistake their dcs gender?(70 Posts)
What's the big deal?
Enlighten me because just don't get it.
Some people take huge pains to make it as obvious as possible their dc is a boy/ girl and get massively offended if people get it wrong. Recently one mother I know has had her dds ears pierced because she has such short hair everyone assumes she's a boy, another had chopped off her boys beautiful blonde curls because people assume he is a girl.
I just don't see the problem what difference does it make?
it's a baby, it's androgynous, it's supposed to be androgynous.
So please, enlighten me.
Do you care?
Why do you care?
I don't care. I will correct someone, but I'm not offended if someone thinks ds is a girl. He does look like a girl sometimes!
Not sure, my DD is often mistaken for a boy. She's 9mo, has very short hair and I often dress her in blue (she looks beautiful in blue as it brings out her eyes)
I'm never offended although I try to gently correct with something like 'oh yes, she's 9months now'
I cut ds's hair eventually not because I minded, but because he minded that people mistook him for a girl.
I don't care. Quite a few people mistook DS for a girl when he was a toddler. Now he will only wear "boy" clothes and won't have his hair washed so had it cut short and nobody mistakes him for a girl but I wouldn't care if they did.
My little boy has always looked very boyish but still got mistaken for a girl sometimes! I found it funny!
What does dd and FC stand for anyone? X
I have to say I am not overseen on boys looking like little lord Fauntleroy because I always assume its about the parents that a lad has long flowing hair but apart from that each to their own and who cared.
DD if dear daughter and DS is dear son. DC is dear children. Look at the mumsnet page as there's loads.
Dd dear daughter
Ds dear son
Dc dear child/ren
Aahh right thanks makes more sense now! Xx
DS has long hair and a pretty face, people have thought he is a girl before now. He isn't bothered and neither are we. He does wear typical 'boys' clothes and shoes, that would be unusual to see on a girl.
DD was mistaken for a boy as a baby too, because she wasn't in pink FFS.
I'm not keen on long hair on children if it is bothering them but if they don't mind having it washed and tied back when necessary I think it's fine.
It has never bothered me when people guess dd is a boy ( even when I was using a borrowed pink pram!)
Sometimes she's wearing 'boy' clothes sometimes she's wearing 'girl' clothes.
It did make me laugh one day when she was wearing a fairly flouncy pink dress with pink legging and a pink hat while sitting in a pink pram and a woman in the bus kept referring to her a he, even 20 mins into our journey when I have repeatedly referred to her as her/she but it still didn't upset me
It gets tiresome correcting people. And people tend to make a big song and dance about apologising.
Generally DS is wearing blue and tractors etc but gets called a girl about 98per cent of the time. However I was once told I needed to make it more obvious to the world when I dared dress him in purple
I don't cut his hair because its cute and because he's too young to understand about staying still and I don't want to stab him with the scissors.
Not offended just sometimes so wonder how people assumed boy if wearing something particularly pink and flowery (which admittedly isn't very often). You can bet if I have a son and dress them in the same clothes I will get more people assuming girl! Doesn't matter though does it?
Would rather DD mistaken for boy than go with the dreaded headband....
Dd4 was in a pink dress and pink blanket and kept getting referred to as a boy which I found funny and dd2 gets really offended at.
I thought I didn't care at all but I got a bit miffed once when an old lady repeatedly referred to my daughter as 'he' at 9 months when she was swathed in pink. I suppose it's because my daughter did look like an angry potato for her first year and I was worried the implication was she wasn't very nice looking...
But I agree it is odd when people get cross. Had a case once where parents of a baby were fuming that foster carer had put their daughter in a blue sleep suit, almost claiming abuse. I tried to cut them some slack as obviously they were in a difficult situation, but you would think that concern would have been pretty low down their list of priorities...
My niece is often referred to as he because at 15 months she still has little hair. My sister isn't offended but is sometimes a bit perplexed when my niece is wearing a dress
It doesn't bother me either! It happened a lot with DD - even if she wore pink - as she has very little hair. It did make me chuckle as I couldn't always be bothered to correct random strangers on the street. I do remember one time a little old lady followed us round Sainsbury's shouting 'He's a little heartbreaker isn't he! Bet he'll be chasing all the girls!' and thinking we really should have corrected her!
I don't know why - but it does irritate me slightly. Doesn't irritate me when DD1 is wearing something like an outfit she has that I really like her in at the moment which is jeans and a stripy blue top which could quite easily look like "boy clothes" (using the term just to describe the general mentality of people into what are boys and girls before someone jumps on me - you bloody well know what I mean so don't be arkward and do a 20 page sidetrack on it!), but when she's wearing a bloody dress and people just assume she's a boy because it's purple or yellow or something other than pink...yeah it kind of irritates me then - I don't know why, perhaps it's just the same as if someone got their names wrong a lot, feeling like a denial of her personality or something? (They don't usually notice DD2 as quickly since she's often on the lower seat on the pushchair - that's why I've missed her out on this - it very much seems to be DD1 that gets the brunt of it)
Annoyed me more when someone mistook me for their grandmother though!
I think because I feel a bit embarrassed correcting them. Both DSs were mistaken for a girl (DS2 still is) as they have/had a lot of long hair. I don't really want to cut DS2s hair yet (he is just 12 months) as it feels too young. He has a pretty face and sometimes wears fairly neutral clothes (I am not a big fan of blue).
I think it is often impossible to tell girls and boys apart up to around 18 months/2 if they don't have obvious gender specific clothes on. I still get a bit upset though - I guess we are just protective about our DCs and in some way feel it is an insult. Although having read this I can see that is silly and will no longer be offended.
Arf at angry potato. That sounds just like my DS2 in his first few months. Now at 18 months he has blonde ringlets and blue eyes and is often mistaken for a girl.
I once referred to a toddler as a boy when the father turned, shot me a venemous look and yelled "that little boy is a little girl" He'd obviously heard it often and wasn't happy
held an enormous grudge
I really, really don't care, and I don't bother to correct strangers if they get it wrong. Babies and children all look pretty similar really when you remove all the gendered guff from around them. And its not like their sex is in any way relevant to their life at this stage, so it hardly matters.
I in fact actively really hate the gender apartheid in children's clothes which is so hysterically keen to impose gender roles onto kids that the only things I can find for my son are blue or brown items which fetishise forms of motorised transport, robots and dinosaurs and are emblazoned with statements about little monsters and cheeky monkeys.
And yes I feel a bit sorry for those newborns which are forced into headbands and ribbons or jeans and trainers etc just so their gender can be clearly sigposted. Really, what are their parents worried about?
Because people assuming my ds' were girls, and then exclaiming "oh but they're so cute!" as if boys are always ugly is ridiculous.
And making a song and dance out of the fact that my toddler son has a buggy and dolly is also ridiculous. NEWS FLASH, boys can play with dolls and girls can play with cars, and seeing them with a toy shouldn't make you assume their gender.
Other than that, it doesn't annoy me but when I was hormonal and tired with a new born it did.
It never bothered me, did amuse me at the weekend when wearing blue and green - DD told what a pretty girl, the next day in pink and frills - what a cute boy! I don't usually correct people unless I'm having a longer conversation with them.
At angry potatoe
Well the conclusion seems to be I don't really know why it annoys me but it does. Fair enough.
BoysRule got something positive out of this though.
People do get very embarrassed at making this mistake but I just tell them not to worry. I wonder if they are embarrassed because they have been glared at before.
Yoni: it's fine to be irrationally annoyed about any thing that's not "would you like a cup of tea" when managing big kid, little kid, lack of sleep and hormones
It wasn't so much annoying but it got tiring with dd - she was pure blonde and baldy looking
tattie until 3 years old and whilst most of her clothes were 'boys' styles - layered t shirts, cuffed bottoms, dungarees, joggy bottoms they were almost all baby pink until she was 3 plus she had 2 or 3 pink strollers, pink dummies, pink coats, pink shoes, an obvious girls name etc so yes, tiring.
DS on the other hand everyone days he's ''right laddie looking'' but i think he looks really feminine i must have skewed pictures of my dc
Thankfully now that ds2 is 6 it doesn't happen,.although I often get told its a shame he's a boy as he'd have been such a beautiful girl
It was generally the responses to being told he was a boy that annoyed me more than the assumption they were girls iyswim
For most of my early childhood my mum always got our hair cut short and I often wore my brothers hand me downs. Throughout this time everybody thought I was a boy and I hated it. I used to cry at night wishing I had long hair etc like my friends. When it was time for me to be able to choose how my hair was I wouldn't let anybody cut it. Still have long blonde wavy hair 30 yrs later. I remember my older brother used to get angry at people calling me son all the time and even at a young age telling him that its not there fault as I did look like a boy. Just thought I'd give you a kids perspective on it and I can remember it like it was yesterday. Hated it.
yoni i used to take dd and dnephew to the shops aged 4 and 2 with their 'babies' in their buggies the amount of people who commented about dnephew 'borrowing' the baby drove me potty, he must've got peed off too as he started saying ''hiya eee's myyy baby'' to random people on our walks
It upsets me because I have a running disagreement with my DP about cutting the boys hair - DP likes it long but DS has a very feminine face and it riles me up because its always me that ends up having to correct people!
<disclaimer - I want to cut his hair cos he's a hot boy and always sweaty, not because he looks like a girl!>
Dd is mistaken for a boy all the time. Even today when she had on pink shoes and t-shirt and pink through her cardi. I think it's because I put jeans on her most of the time. I don't care but it really winds her dad up so he's forever putting her in silly, fussy dresses that cause her to fall flat on her face when she's trying to crawl
I only get irritated because people seem now to be so caught up in the pink/blue thing. Like sparkle my DD looks lovely in blue as she has really blue eyes and is very fair. I also love blue so she has quite a few blue things. I also (shock horror) bought a pram that has a blue hood before she was born (had no idea what she was going to be).
Last year when she was 14 weeks, I was carrying her in her sling. She was wearing a bluey/lilacy FLOWERY sunhat and a pale blue cardigan and someone asked me how old "he" was. Who puts their boy in a flowery sunhat!! Seriously! But because she was in a pale blue cardi, she had to be a boy!
DMIL, bless her, would love to buy her all the fluffy pink dresses but knows better . In fairness, in that case, it's not the pink I object to - fluff is SO practical on a bum shuffling messy eater of a 13mo old .
I agree, who could care less.
I was about eleven before adults stopped calling me "Sonny".
My DS often got mistaken for a girl, has a gorgeous 'pretty' face and had a head full of golden ringlets.
It wasn't until just before nursery I cut his hair to stop any confusion, the kids thought he was a girl too, It wouldn't have been fair on him.
It didn't bother me but we did have a strange one in a shoe shop. I was there with my 2 dds. The younger one was 3. There was a mother and grandmother there with a girl the same age.
My dd and theirs were dressed quite similarly and had the same blonde curls. The grandmother came over and asked me what age my son was . She was definitely referring to dd2 as dd1 was wearing a dress and had her hair in pigtails.
It was so odd because my dd looked a lot like her granddaughter and is not boyish looking at all. Weird lady.
when i was a young child i was often mistaken for a boy because my mum insisted on me having a god awful cousin oliver pudding bowl haircut. It really upset me.
Both my DD's have been bald babies and were often mistaken for boys. It did annoy me but not overly so. i told myself to get a grip. i knew it was my issue but i did gently correct whoever made the mistake.
It doesn't bother me as much as it seems to bother people if I correct them, so I generally don't. It doesn't surprise me, either, as ds is frequently pushing/ wearing his baby and doesn't have the locally favoured buzz cut. It's usually people on buses/in shops, and then they apologise for calling him pretty. It's not an insult-he just is! I do wonder, tho, if I'd be more offended if it was the other way around, sort of if the implication was that I had a not pretty daughter - I really hope I'm not that shallow! An old biddy in a cafe repeatedly referred to him as she, but I didn't say anything. She then asked me what her name was and I just said 'Johnny'. She looked horrified and asked me what on earth had possessed me to call her that! 12 months on and she still thinks I named my baby daughter Johnny; oh well, I haven't the heart to tell her now!
Apparently I was RUDE to ask "what is it?" when meeting a baby for the first time. I should have KNOWN this wrinkly little baby was a girl because she had a pink and lemon blanket.
I'd rather ask than get it wrong, and if I get it wrong I don't think it's a crime.
My sons' were often mistaken for girls, up until about school age, as they had their hair long and wore clothes that didn't say "I am THIS gender"... tbh, I didn't feel offended in the slightest apart from one woman who said I was going to make my boys sissies (one step away from catching gayness I think?).
As an aside, how does one say "What is it?" without turning the baby into a 'thing'.
I always think it's quite funny really, DD has a cute round face and not much hair so she looks androgynous (as almost all babies do tbh). I don't mind some pinks, but hate hate hate that nasty sickly flat sugar-pink most baby girl clothes are, DD would look silly in frills, and I think it's a huge shame that when children could wear all the lovely bright fun colours they want that they should be decked out in pink or blue (equally hate most baby boy clothes - flat pale blue or muddy colours with trucks on, ugh). DD has sleepsuits in lots of nice bright reds and blues etc., dinosaurs, stripes, the lot, she looks cute as anything in them and who cares whether someone thinks she's a boy!
I was in a cafe recently and an elderly woman came up and said "Oh you can really tell he's a little man, can't you?"I said cheerfully, "Actually, she's a girl", and the woman was so horrified and apologetic, it was like she'd shot DD by accident or something, the poor woman was so upset....
Toddler DS doesn't have long hair, it's sort of in-between, but he's always mistaken for a girl. Less so now that he's a bit older, but if he wears any colour other than blue, 99% guaranteed multiple people will call him a "beautiful girl" that day. It doesn't bother me in the slightest.
aldiwhore, I get around that by asking "WHO is this?" rather than what. Unless it's very unusual, that usually gets me around that problem!! But agreed on the colours - nonsense.
DS1 got mistaken for a girl loads, even when wearing obvious boys clothes. DS2 never did. DS1 was a very good looking baby (though I say so myself! ) whereas DS2 was.... not so .
I can only conclude that some people think that only girls can be beautiful babies.
Anyway, I have no idea why some people care, I never did.
DS is a real confuser, and, now he's approaching seven, he has started to use it to his advantage. He's got long hair, and likes to wear a dress at home, but has also spent most of the last week drawing pictures of Comet Shoemaker-Levy crashing into Jupiter, fiddling with his dinkle and telling us that various older girls are his "greatest loves" (his words).
We don't care when he gets mistaken for a girl, he doesn't care either. He is what he is. He's been like this since toddlerhood, and while we've had a few years of people saying "He'll grow out of it, don't worry...." (we weren't worrying anyway), it now seems that this is becoming a permanent fixture in his lifestyle, a la Eddie Izzard. We haven't encouraged it, we just haven't discouraged it.
Some people can't cope with the uncertainty, or have fixed ideas about gender roles and gender values, more importantly. Most people, however, really couldn't give a freeze-dried rat's bum.....
I live in a place that for cultural reaons, girls get their ears pierced when they are born. Dd does not. I am constantly asked if she is a boy. Even when she is wearing a pink dress.
It makes me laugh that people think i would be so bave / weird to dress my son as girl
What s wrong with me? I will try again!
That I would be so brave / weird to dress my son as a girly girl.
I was just thinking about this today, because my 15 month old son has been mistaken for a girl a few times in the last few days, for the first time in his life. DH pointed out that the person speaking in all cases has been a man of 65 + (we are on holiday somewhere with a lot of older day trippers), who, if the mistake emerged in subsequent conversation, was terribly, terribly embarrassed, as if he had made some terrible faux pas, though it doesn't bother us one jot, and we weren't 'correcting' him.
I think it must have something to do with older men's ideas about masculinity and the way parents present a child...? My son just had a haircut, but has a blonde mop that flicks up at the back, and as his father and I loathe navy and sludge-coloured clothes with lorries, superheroes or dinosaurs for a child of his age, he wears a lot of bright red, yellow, green, orange, blue garments, with Crocs and jeans or shorts. Presumably the brightness and the fact his hair isn't cut like a Marine says 'not a boy' to a certain kind of older man...?
I don't understand why the mistake upsets some parents badly, though.
it's a baby, it's androgynous, it's supposed to be androgynous
If it were ment to be androgenous a penis or a vagina would arrive at puberty. A baby has gender. Whether you choose to go up the pink, blue or mint green route is entirely parental choice. A pretty boy is always accepted, however the same cannot be said for girls who do not conform to society accepted standards of beauty.
Do people care? My son is only 10 weeks old and half his clothes come from the girls section as the boys stuff is so boring. My favourite outfit for him is a bright pink babygrow with a big ginger kitten on the front.
aldiwhore I usually ask " whats your name gorgeous?" sort of to the baby obviously the mum will answer either "Tom/Rebecca" at which point you can then say"Aah he/she is lovely.
If its a unisex name Alex for example I then say Day"Aah what a beautiful name how old is Alex?", the mum/dad/whoever will generally then say "he/she is....."
A bit of a faff but better than upsetting someone, and this.method hasn't failed me yet!!!!!
I don't take pains to over emphasise DSs 'boyness' but like Octopus I did cut his hair when some other kids in the park thought he was a girl. I'm not bothered if adults get it wrong with DS or DD though
Brilliant, she still thinks my little girl is called Johnny!
I always loved it when people thought DS1 was a girl.
Maybe I sub-consciencously wanted a girl or more likely because they thought he was pretty.
Dd was carried out of hospital in her car seat wearing a white sleep suit, white hat, covered in a white blanket with a brown teddy comforter (we hadn't known the gender until the birth). An elderly couple passed us and the lady said "what a sweet looking little boy"...why would you make an assumption in those circumstances? Wasn't actually bothered, just thought it was odd.
Because had he been a girl his grandparents would have descended in a wave of pink before you could leave the hospital. ( this happened to me )
I used to giggle when people thought DSIS and my, female, best friend were brothers.
We all had boyish, '70's short hair, it just happened my BF and DSIS were both broad shouldered blondes (and I'm not).
DS1 has lushious eyelashes and collar length blonde hair and occasionally gets mistaken for a girl. On the last occasion he was wearing a blue hat with white stars, white vest, navy dungarees and brown shoes, so more masculine than neutral. The time before when I was asked, he'd walked his pushchair with (blue) doll down to the shops.
We had a "Johnny" type incident when he was 4m. Old lady comes up, "oh what a pretty baby, what's her name" reply with his traditional saints/ new testement name. I then get a strange look, firstly for bestowing a boys name on a girl which then changed to doubt.
These things amuse me.
Two mummy friends met at swimming (they were aquaintences). Mummy 1 forgot what sex mummy 2's baby was. She concluded that as baby was only wearing a swim nappy, that baby was most likely to be male. Bad guess. Mummy 2 was not impressed.
Happens lots, only bothered me once:
Senior midwife on the maternity ward insisted Ds was a girl and aggressively told me I was wrong... And did it again later that shift with the same forceful aggression. I was so scared of her I called my son 'she' to stop midwives tirade of vitriol.
I think I was allowed to be upset at that!
When DS was little his hair was short but people assumed he was a girl because he had curls. We didn't care but the curls thing surprised us, surely no one deliberately perms a child's hair? (though I don't care if you do!)
My younger sister had hardly any hair until she was 4-she used to get upset when people mistook her for a boy, so my mum and the next door neighbour pinned her down on the kitchen floor and pierced her ears ...didn't realise how harsh that was until I had my own kids now I'm a bit . Nice one mum.
DD2 is two and a half and people generally assume she's a boy, except on the odd occasion when she happens to be wearing a dress. I don't normally correct people, although my older two DC will do so quite indignantly if they happen to be with me.
All of my boys got called she ,but I did grow their hair until the were about 3, really didn't worry me.
DS ALWAYS gets mistaken for a girl, that's why I have an irk with it because it isn't an occasional thing, it's every time we go out somewhere and it's tiresome correcting everyone.
I have 2 DD's as well who have hair in bunches, dresses and tights on etc so I dress them like 'obvious' girls. So you'd think they'd see the difference between them and DS who I think is in obvious 'boy clothes'... But no. He has long wavy hair and a pretty face but still, his clothes make it obvious! And anyway, he got mistaken for a girl all the time as a baby when he had no hair. All I can think to do is get him a shirt or a hat that says BOY on it . I can't bring myself to cut his lovely hair.
DD gets mistaken for a boy quite a bit, normally by the older generation. It doesn't bother me remotely but I am confused as to how they manage it as it's usually when she's wearing a dress and sitting in a pink buggy. One the days we are out in jeans and a t shirt and in the red buggy noone ever gets it wrong.
One very lovely old gent went on about what a bonny lad I had... even after he'd asked 'his' name. DD is called Elsie.
It annoys me greatly that anytime DD isn't in pink, people assume she's a boy. She's wearing a red skirt FFS. I couldn't care less that they think she's male, it's the automatic assumption that dressed in any other colour, she must be a boy. I hate pink.
Back in the 70's when all children were dressed in brown cord regardless of sex i was always mistaken for a boy as i had a short hair cut.
I hated it so you as a parent might not care but the child could.
Although I love some of the pretty girly clothes for DD, I much prefer a lot of the boys t-shirts & things. They get all the Sesame St, dinosaurs, lions/tigers etc and the girls........ Hello bloody Kitty I know which ones I'll be buying! And she can choose whichever she wants when she's old enough.
Her being mistaken for a boy occasionally doesn't annoy me in the slightest, though it does amuse me when she's in a dress
People always think DD is a boy because she has no hair yet bless her!
I am tempted at times to put a headband thing on her (a stretchy one, before anyone tells me off!) just to reinforce, she's a girl but honestly, it doesn't really bother me that much!
It is funny when she's got a dress on though and people say, what a smiley young boy you've got there
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