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Work Team Building Thing

(46 Posts)
larabanana Mon 24-Jun-13 21:28:11

Did a work team building thing today. Partly to get the team working better and partly as we were supposed to get to know ourselves better.

Made a total fool of myself.

Single and childless at 27. Never been married or anywhere near.

One of the exercises was "if you won the lottery (enough to retire / very large sum) what would you do?" And we had to say the first thing that came to mind. Not to think about it too much.

Plenty of normal answers like quit work - buy a big house - buy an tropical island.

Mine was .... have a baby. And then I cried. A lot.

I sponsor a baby boy in Uganda and I am so broody. I wander about picking out little t shirts to post to him. And looking at girl clothes too.

I can't afford a baby. I don't have any family that would help out and I don't have my own home. Practically I know that I wouldn't be good enough to be a mother either through birth or adoption.

And yet my heart is breaking. I don't even know how I will face going into work tomorrow after the exhibition I made of myself today.

currywurst3 Mon 24-Jun-13 21:30:44

Oh don't worry people will already start forgetting about it now and by next week it will be a distant memory. Just remember not to take team building days too seriously next time.

Relaxedandhappyperson Mon 24-Jun-13 21:32:29

I bet no one will mention it - except in an "are you alright?" kind of way. They must have been a bit shocked too!

You're most unlikely to be so awful you couldn't be a good enough mother. Can you make a plan around the practical stuff you'd need (home, preferably partner), but enjoy the getting there too?

Numberlock Mon 24-Jun-13 21:38:11

Was your boss there? How did she/he handle it?

27 is young enough for you to get yourself practically and emotionally ready.

Having stuff like a house and solid income helps but won't make you a good mum.

hearthwitch Mon 24-Jun-13 21:40:16

I know exactly how u feel. I'm 36 single and no social skills but desperate for a baby. I've given the same answer myself. I wouldn't worry about work. Its amazing how oblivious people can be. but it is a sign that you need to take a look at were you are and what you want out of life. if you think of a solution let me know..........

whatacrappyweekendthatwas Mon 24-Jun-13 21:41:06

You are only 27, plenty of time for marriage and babies! You sound like a lovely kind person and I'm sure you will make a lovely mum when the time is right for you. Try not to over-think it, things have a way of working themselves out and babies fit into your life even when the circumstances aren't perfect.

I bet many people were touched by your desire to have a baby, and if anyone thinks anything uncharitable about your tears they aren't worth bothering about.

emsyj Mon 24-Jun-13 21:42:29

Oh dear. But you know, it is very normal to feel like that. I'm sure lots of the people around you will have felt the same way. Tis biology, innit? You are only 27 - you have lots of time to pursue this.

If it makes you feel any better, I once got roaring drunk at the office Christmas party and snogged the office junior in front of everyone. I lived through it! smile

And don't worry about work. It's fine. I think most people do something embarrassing at some point. And live it down.

ParadiseChick Mon 24-Jun-13 21:43:40
weirdthing Mon 24-Jun-13 21:44:14

Ach, bless you. I was single till I was 31 and then met DH. Got married at 33 and then had DS1 at 34 and DS2 at 38. You have plenty of time my dear. In the meantime, why not consider a little bit of fostering?

ManifestoMT Mon 24-Jun-13 21:55:30

Oh huge hug and patting of back.

I was like this. I thought it would never happen and all my friends were either getting married or sprogging left right and centre.
I always said if I didn't meet anyone by 30 I would go to a sperm donor. ( or tramp spunk as my dh so helpfully says)

Keep your chin up, keep going out and enjoying yourself stop looking and relax and some decent bloke will pop up. You have to kiss a lot of frogs unfortunately.
You are lovely and there is someone out there, you just have to find each other.

parakeet Mon 24-Jun-13 22:00:49

Why not make a list of all the things you feel you need to do in order to have a baby. If having a partner is one, then have you considered internet dating?

Easy for us to say, I know, but try not to worry about work. They will all have forgotten about it within a week.

ChocolateCremeEggBag Mon 24-Jun-13 22:04:18

I would just walk in tomorrow with your head held high, smile and then say "I have no idea what came over me yesterday, must be a bit hormonal" if anyone mentions it. Laugh it off and it will be old news vv soon. Don't try to explain it to anyone at work (unless they are good friends outside of work) or it will become a "thing"

And it's totally normal to think this kind of thing at times, you have plenty of time for babies but don't over think the getting pregnant bit. Get out, meet people and have some fun.

whatacrappyweekendthatwas Mon 24-Jun-13 22:14:53

I once went for a pee at work not realising that the ties at the back of my fancy knickers had come undone and were hanging in the toilet. I walked back through the office dripping piss on the carpet from my pants ties and on my seat. Everyone saw.

tigerlilygrr Mon 24-Jun-13 22:34:41

My old and fearsome boss cried in a meeting once because her cat had died. None of the men round the table knew where to look. OP, it may seem more embarrassing to you because it was so heartfelt, but actually the more serious the need, the less people will be surprised by an emotional response. Many many people desperately want children. I hope you get your wish as you sound like a lovely person. Chin up tomorrow, ok?

monicalewinski Mon 24-Jun-13 23:49:28

I'm pretty sure everyone at work will be ok tbh. Exactly what chocolate said a few posts up.

whatacrappyweekendthatwas grin

lessonsintightropes Tue 25-Jun-13 01:06:10

What tigerlillygrr says, with knobs on grin I had pretty much given up on relationships and baby at 29. Met (now) DH at 30, married at 35 and now TTC. Don't give up but in a way stop looking - I had refocused on my career and being v involved with DNephew and DNeice and had stopped Internet dating (which was for me just rubbish) and had become quite philosophical about it all (but suspect might have scared off DH if I'd been too demandy/ strident about babies from day one. It'll happen, and if it doesn't then fostering / sperm donation are all possibilities. My best DFs are 40 and 41 and both starting the adoption process as single Mums. I know they will be awesome parents, you will be too however it happens.

McGeeDiNozzo Tue 25-Jun-13 04:54:19

I'm just glad to hear that someone genuinely opened up at one of these 'team-building' gadabouts. Good on you.

larabanana Tue 25-Jun-13 19:11:00

Thank you all for being so nice about it. Work was pretty tough today most people said nothing but there was a random baby picture printed out and on my desk and another pinned up on the mirror in the loos.

I don't think that I would be a good mum. It is such an important thing and I would just mess it up - pass on all my insecurities and lack of confidence.

Plus I wouldn't be able to afford it. I ended up moving back home and can't exactly have a baby living here. And yet I can't afford a mortgage - well I can't get one for enough to buy a place on my wages. There just seem to be babies everywhere. It hurts.

lessonsintightropes Tue 25-Jun-13 19:13:10

Whoever printed out those pictures is an utter shit. IMHO. Ignore and chin up flowers

raffle Netherlands Tue 25-Jun-13 19:15:30

Your colleagues did that? That is ridiculous behaviour in a workplace [Shock]

Alliwantisaroomsomewhere Tue 25-Jun-13 19:17:21

Someone printed a pic of a baby and put it on your desk?? And on the mirror in the loos?

What kind of fuckwits do you work with? That's just goddam mean and pathetic of them.

angry on your behalf.

Cravingdairy Tue 25-Jun-13 19:22:35

Lara I would report that. There is a really nasty piece of work in your office and they need to be disciplined. If they get away with this they will likely do other horrible things. You have nothing to be ashamed of and should be able to go to work without being harassed.

It's impossible to br a perfect mum btw! flowers

monicalewinski Tue 25-Jun-13 19:36:52

Lara that's nasty. What Craving said, you should report it, and NO-ONE is a perfect mum - we all muddle through.

You're still so young, try not to overthink it all xx

Alliwantisaroomsomewhere Tue 25-Jun-13 19:38:06

I agree. Report it.

Triumphoveradversity Tue 25-Jun-13 19:45:15

What a horribly shitty thing to do to you ( the picture) you should report any chance there is CCTV?

Actually because your worrying you won't be good enough makes me think actually you will be a lovely Mum. I started dating DH when I was 31 and had DS at 35. Just concentrate on enjoying yourself, DH was a work colleague about 15 of us went out for a curry on my 30th and I got really drunk and made a complete twat of myself, been together 16 years now.

Jestrin Tue 25-Jun-13 19:56:14

I agree! Report the pictures to your manager. What an insensitive shitty thing to do to you

larabanana Tue 25-Jun-13 20:40:50

Sometimes they do things at work that are supposed to be funny and I don't really see the amusing side. Just assumed it was me being a bit dull really.

WhiteBirdBlueSky Tue 25-Jun-13 20:44:33

No, that's not normal humor.

Cravingdairy Tue 25-Jun-13 21:04:30

It was really nasty and senior management at my work would hit the roof if something like that happened. I'm sure there are ways to trace the culprit and they simply can't be allowed to do stuff like that. It sounds like you coped really well but next time it might be someone more vulnerable who gets picked on and it could have all sorts of consequences.

I'm so sorry you have been treated so badly.

Tanith Tue 25-Jun-13 21:06:01

No, the pictures are not even remotely funny.

Spiteful, insensitive, cruel, hurtful, immature, thoughtless - yes.

I agree you are working with a loathsome, hateful colleague - for all they knew, there could have been a very distressing reason for your reaction.

SugarPasteGreyhound Tue 25-Jun-13 21:07:10

That's a shitty thing to do, I would log a complaint with your manager.

Apileofballyhoo Tue 25-Jun-13 22:10:17

What everyone else said re pictures and you are still young. I think maybe a chat with someone - you seem quite down in yourself and I wonder if you are feeling trapped in your current situation. I didn't meet DH until I was 2 months short of 30. My friend just met her DH 18 months ago and has just had her DS at 36. I hope you are ok OP.

tigerlilygrr Tue 25-Jun-13 23:20:37

That is nasty OP, it really is. Please don't let it get you down further though, you seem quite hard on yourself. I wish you could read this thread as an outsider because then you would see what we all can - you are so obviously a very caring person. I think with the right support you would be a great mum. I hope your time comes.

CaramelisedOnion Tue 25-Jun-13 23:30:12

you work in a sales office, don´t you? I have worked in those places and it the ONLY place where I have seen really nasty jokes like that happen. Report it. xx

lessonsintightropes Tue 25-Jun-13 23:34:16

And once again tigerlillygrr manages to put eloquently what I can't express. I run a large team at work and would both investigate and stamp on this behaviour if I knew about it happening in our office. Sometimes it's not easy to see things that happen within the team but if your manager is any good at all he/she should deal with this as a bullying issue. Some workplaces deal with it better than others, hope you have some lovely and supportive RL friends to counsel you past this.

You seem lovely and remind me of me a fee years ago - if there's one thing I could give a younger lessons it's a big hug. You both need and deserve one. It does/can get better, promise, and no one can help you respond differently to this hurtful and mean behaviour other than by taking action, whether it is to report it or to get some support. Thinking of you flowers

tigerlilygrr Tue 25-Jun-13 23:45:32

OP, listen to lessons! And not just because she has been nice to me too!

Secondsop Tue 25-Jun-13 23:48:59

Dear Lara, never be ashamed for saying something heartfelt and truthful. As for your colleagues, they sound like absolute tossers and I wouldn't hesitate to report it.

To add to what some others have said: I met my DH at 32 having had precisely zero serious (or even semi-serious) relationships before then, married at 33, baby just after I turned 37. It's really not unusual for a 27 year old not to have their own home and sorted-out finances etc - I was in a high-flying city career and only bought my flat at age 28 and the age for homebuyers has only gone up since then. So you really are so young and have so much time for all the things you want in life to happen for you.

As for being a good mum, well from your posts I see someone who has a great deal of love to give, and that's the thing that really matters.

amistillsexy Tue 25-Jun-13 23:59:50

There's no wonder your company needed to send you all on a team building day, with arses like that working there!

I think you should tell whoever paid the bill for the training-they've wasted their money.

I am sad and angry for you in equal measure, Op. And, for what it's worth, I was still single and living in rented at your age...I met a wonderful man when I was 34, and had a mortgage, a wedding ring and a baby with 2 years. We're still married, massively in love (most of the time wink), and have 3 DSs. You have plenty of time, and it will happen, when the time's right, and the right person comes along.
My advice to you is to enjoy what you've got now. Travel, do exciting stuff. spend your time enjoying your life, your youth and your freedom. Then when you're staying in every Saturday night with the kids, you'll be able to remember what fun you used to have grin

Inertia Wed 26-Jun-13 00:18:39

Sounds as though your colleagues need training to overcome bullying and harassment rather than team building - I hope they're not always such spiteful shits.

You sound lovely and I bet you'd make a great mother if that's how things work out ; we all muddle through the early days as a mum , we figure it out- don't doubt yourself !

humdumaggapang Wed 26-Jun-13 00:24:49

Hugs OP. I just wanted to reiterate what others have said and what you probably don't feel - young . I hope you will meet a lovely partner and there is every chance that you will. Having said that, if I had read lots of messages from those older than me who now had DPs and DCs when I was 27 I would still have been convinced it wouldn't happen to me! So I just wanted to give you another perspective so you see there are other ways too. I had a baby at 37 as a single mum using a donor. It has been the best thing I ever did. But I had definitely always seen it as my last resort. Anyway, I am sure you will meet someone but whatever happens, do acknowledge this is your dream, it won't go away, you will no doubt be as good a mum as any of us and never give up on your dream. In the meantime have fun and relax, your clock is nowhere near midnight smile

garlicnutty Wed 26-Jun-13 00:37:40

What bastards!

Yes, I've worked in sales offices like that, too. I think you should leave. It's not surprising your emotions are on high alert.

YY to what everyone's said about it being natural, quite handy to gain the insight into your priorities and that you;re young enough to put things in place.

But, fgs, please don't think you have to find that sort of bullying acceptable. It's despicable angry

larabanana Wed 26-Jun-13 21:34:57

Sometimes I feel so old and then other times I realise how little I know about the world.

I don't work in sales - it is just an admin job. As I walked in yesterday lots of people were sort of sniggering so most of them knew about the pictures. I wasn't at work today but hope there is nothing tomorrow on my desk.

I am just admin - no real skills or anything and I didn't grow up wanting a specific career. It isn't always bad at work I just always seem to be the over sensitive one who doesn't like the jokes.

happyyonisleepyyoni Wed 26-Jun-13 21:39:34

Hugs OP.

If that happened to anyone at my work they would get nothing but sympathy believe me.

Your workmates sound like utter gits.

garlicnutty Thu 27-Jun-13 01:12:02

I doubt that you're over-sensitive. It's far more likely you're surrounded by twats. As you're not massively invested in this job, I do hope you're looking around for a new one! Being in a more positive environment could do amazing things for your confidence, too - you sound a little worn down.

In what ways do you feel "so old" at 27? You don't have to answer, natch, but I'm curious! I bloody loved being 27, it was like being a grown-up and a kid all at once. I remember I had a boss who opined that, once you get to 30, you have to stop being 'promising' and start delivering ... Not that I wasn't delivering anything at the time, but I was getting a fair bit of mileage out of being 'promising'. I could still go out all night if I wanted, and wing it through the next day.

How's your personal 'prepare for a baby' plan coming along?

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