to ask what you would say to people...

(130 Posts)
whatacrappyweekendthatwas Mon 24-Jun-13 20:42:46

If you could tell them exactly what you thought with no repercussions. Just speak your mind for a few minutes.

I have PMS btw and am in a bad mood. Yes this is pathetic I know. But better I say it here than in RL I guess.

PILS, I hate the way you treat my dds like second best to DSD because she is your 'real' GD. I hate the way you phone her on her birthday and not my dds, who notice and feel hurt. I hate the way you give her special presents and cards. This is one of the reasons you do not come on holiday with us in the summertime even though you invite yourself every year and we make excuses. That, and the fact that FIL is an alcoholic weirdo. PS FIL, your beard makes me ill and I hate when you kiss me and hug me when we haven't seen each other for a while.

Cousin who I see regularly - I think leaving your young baby dd to 'bawl for half an hour so she learns to self soothe' is cruel and horrible and much worse than giving my dcs sweets sometimes that you judge me for doing.

DH - you need to floss your teeth.

World - I will BF my DS for as long as we both want to so please stop asking.

That is all. If anyone else wants to join me in saying what they would like to say to people in their lives but can't please feel free.

quoteunquote Mon 24-Jun-13 20:58:11

I'm impressed, I don't have that ability,

I usually just say what I think, or how will they know?

BoomChicaBoom Mon 24-Jun-13 21:01:31

Colleague at work - you are so impossibly horrible to work with that everyone avoids you and gossips about you behind your back. Why can't you just be nice to people and not talk to them like shit on your shoe? I know you're after promotion but it's not going to happen if you have zero people skills and even speak to your boss like crap. Sort yourself out for your own sake.

Mil- I know you may think you're helping but your comments about child-rearing are not helpful and things have moved on since you were doing it.

World - stop asking me when I'm going to have another child. It is not cruel for a child to be an only child, and I will have another if/when I can/want to, so fuck off!! angry

Aaaand breathe...

Wow, thanks weekend, that feels a bit better! I think you should say your last rant about bf your ds in RL, cheeky fuckers!

whatacrappyweekendthatwas Mon 24-Jun-13 21:12:53

I wish I could say these things in RL, well actually I do say the last one to people but I say it too nicely and apologetically and not confidently enough. And I have told my DH, he took it well.

But the other things would cause fall outs, and upset other people that I do care about besides them, sadly.

Mouthfulofquiz Mon 24-Jun-13 22:27:18

Dickheads on noisy motorbikes - piss off and ride your hair dryers somewhere else!

MIL. Everytime you kiss us all on the cheek or car window (yes it's true) the greasy thick lipstick stain really grinds my gears.

DH - your football trainers are literally disgusting. They live in the garage from now on.

I feel very lucky that the only things I could gripe about righ now are noisy bikes, lipstick and trainers!!

Nottalotta Mon 24-Jun-13 22:42:50

New 'D' H. I am pissed off beyond all belief that you have quit your job with no new job to go to. And worried. We have a mortgage ffs and if you quitting your job impacts on my financial ability to take care of my very elderly horse (who, let face it has been around longer than anyone other than my parents/siblings) i don't think i could come back from that. So stop fucking griping that i'm miserable because there is only one reason for it!

Work - please give me my work rota more than one week in advance, I have a life you know and I need to plan things.

DD - you do not have to fill every second of every day with talk

Dfriend - please stop talking badly about other friend. It's childish and mean and makes me not want to spend any time with you

Feel better for that now. Those three things have been on my mind all day!

IneedAyoniNickname Mon 24-Jun-13 23:16:29

Friend A: no the world doesn't revolve around you, and weird as it may seem to your ego, not everything people say and do is aimed at you. And I am entitled to be fucked off at the shitty way my ex treats our children, just because he does more than your ex doesn't mean I cant be annoyed and upset. Likewise the fact that he pays no fucking maintenance, even though him and his gf buy new things every week. If is funding that all with her dd dla and carers allowance, then I'm sorry but its wrong. Not saying she should pay his maintenance from it,but buying him a motorbike, new car, paying for private baby scans isn't what that moneys for surely?

Friend B: I know your hurting because your teenage dds have chosen to live week on week off with you, but probably not as much as your now exdh must have hurt when you slept with another man. Or as much as that other man's wife was hurt by the woman she thought was a friend. However, he is being a shit re money and they house.

Friend A (again) like me, friend B is entitled moan.about the shitty finances our exs try and fob us off with. You don't understand as you knew your.ex was a feckless idiot who wouldn't pay, but still chose to have 4 dc with him. Yes B can be annoying, but can't we all?

Ex: I fucking hate you. you ruined my life, but ill forgive that. What I won't forgive is how you've treated our children.

Exs gf: grow the fuck up. According to you, your dcs dad left, and doesn't look after them like he should. So you know how that feels as a mother, yet allow and encourage my dcs dad to do the same. And dont judge me, I might not be perfct, but your the one who moved a bloke in within a couple of weeks, and for engaged and pg within 6 weeks. then kicked him out when your benefits were reduced. All this seemingly without looking at how if affects your dc. Especially as one of them is autistic and apparently doesn't cope well with change. Oh yea, and your son is rude.

World: no I'm not happy being single, deep down I want someone to share my life with and more dc. But the dc I already have come first, so if I'm single for even then so be it. And yes I'm a shit mum who's had ss involved. My house is a tip and I've got masses of debt, but I'm trying, I really am.

Sorry! That became a bit long blush
Feels good though!

BoomChicaBoom Mon 24-Jun-13 23:50:51

Mouthful, I am also feeling lucky that I only have trivial things to moan about.

Notta and Yoni, what truly awful situations to have to deal with sad I hope things improve for you soon.

aldiwhore Mon 24-Jun-13 23:55:00

As a pretty open person, strangely I wouldn't say much.

To those who are positive influences: Chin chin Anything I can do? Thanks for putting up with me.

To those who are negative influences: ... ... ... ... ...

ZiaMaria Tue 25-Jun-13 08:57:17

FIL: I do like you. Really. But I swear that there are only so many more repetitions of your stories about when you worked for the service that I can take. The fact that you make random statements as though I am supposed to understand the context without any explanation from you is incredibly irritating.

Dad: Stop moaning and leaving passive aggressive posts about people not visiting (when this is what you asked for) on Facebook. You asked the hospital to cut you open, saw through your bones, insert new parts and staple you back together. Of course it just might hurt a smidge.

meddie Tue 25-Jun-13 09:06:36

Cat ... I love you dearly, but sitting in the litter box and hanging your arse over the side when you shit is driving me crackers.

QueenofallIsee Tue 25-Jun-13 09:13:40

MIL - I am my childrens Mum not you, having you play an active role in their life does not mean i am happy to abdicate all my parental rights to you.

BIL2 - You are a selfish tit whose super chav missus makes my teeth hurt

DP - Perhaps I wouldn't get angry if you would help me with things I actually needed sometimes i.e. when I hoover/polish/bleach/feed the kids/do the washing/get the food shopping done/change the beds/hold down a FT job perhaps you sorting out the pot where the keys go isn't a job worthy of a parade?

feels good, thanks!

LimitedEditionLady Tue 25-Jun-13 09:48:29

OH-grow up already.Running around after you and having to constantly remind you of things and in turn end up nagging at you is not really my cup of tea.I'm not your mother or your PA and behaving like a teenager is not an attractive or endearing quality in a partner.ypu can do things yourself and remember things you are just too lazy to do it.YOU ARE NOT PETER PAN.

Parents-when i actually see you i dont want to listen to moaning about anything you can think of. This is why i dont see you much.Its depressing.

Rest of family-stop talking to me about more children.It's none of your business and I don't have to explain myself to you.I'm not a baby machine.My c hild is NOT lonely and he gets constant attention from us so whats bad about that.Grr.

Iwishitwouldgetwarmer Tue 25-Jun-13 09:50:44

Mother - Was it really so difficult for you to just once let me have the attention on my birthday. You know full well either myself or my brother would have dropped you off at home on our way home but no, you had to make a song and dance about getting the bus so that everyone would be trying to talk you out of it and you were the centre of attention. And then when I wouldn't play ball and I, after years and years of things like this, said that you always do this to get attention, you stormed out of the restaurant. You have now been sulking for nearly 2 years. Unfortunately for you, you didn't realise how fed up I was about how you constantly behave like this and am not in any hurry to make friends with you this time.

Mother - Would it really have killed you to show me some compassion after having a very traumatic miscarriage after thinking I was going to bleed to death and ended up in A&E and theatre and needing a blood transfusion? Instead of going on and on about one you had 40 years ago and how awful it was for you because after all there's nothing better than holding your newborn baby in your arms and counting it's fingers and toes. And then sulking when I asked you to stop talking about newborn babies as it was upsetting for me.

Father - Do you know how much damage you've done to me with your constant criticism as a child. Do you think my life is easy with very little self confidence. Maybe if you'd valued me as a child I wouldn't have ended up married to someone like you who cheated on me and thought it didn't matter how much he hurt me. Or how your constant sulking if we did something wrong as children as turned me into a people pleasure so I have been taken advantage of by fair weather friends.

But you know what M&D you're shown me how not to parent like you too, and I now have a very loving relationship with my 2 lovely sons who are confident, loving, funny and who love me too. So there!

Exh - not much to say really as I told you exactly what I thought of you when I found out about your cheating!

Oh that felt good. Thanks OP for starting this thread. smile

OscarSwoosh Tue 25-Jun-13 09:58:05

'D'M, 'D'F, 'D'Sis, 'D'SM: Do fuck off. And don't come back. Ta!

DFIL: I have no idea what you're talking about 99.9% of the time.

DMIL: I wish I could have known you better before you got ill. I think we would have got along very well. It makes me sad that you no longer know who any of us are.

BeKindToYourKnees Tue 25-Jun-13 10:11:06

DM: You showed me no love when I was a child, you were 'too busy' to visit me when I was seriously ill in hospital but I have, for the past 10 years, cared for you. I resent this.

Boss: Saying the same thing over and over but increasingly louder does not make you right!

CheeryCherry Tue 25-Jun-13 10:20:12

Mil - STOP having toddler tantrums about how we don't see you enough...is it any wonder when all you do is criticise, tut, and express your constant disappointment. Yes you succeed in making me feel guilty and shit, but it will not entice me to see you more.angry

Friend - please stop mollycoddling your Dcs, they need to start being independent, and are quite capable when not with you - they need encouraging, not to be trapped under your wing. Makes me sad, they need to shine sad

Other friend - stop bring paranoid, enjoy what you have. I know you like to offload onto me, but I don't need my ear chewing off day in, day out.<sigh>

Thankyou. That feels good!

MadBannersAndCopPorn Tue 25-Jun-13 10:31:00

Neighbours- Although you think that you are in a special 'cool' club, you're not. I don't give a shit if you have Kath Kidston curtains in every room, bake your bread from scratch and dress your kids from head to toe in Joules and JoJo Maman Bebe.
Your Children hang out of their window naked at 9pm and everyone can see them. One day one of them is going to fall out and seriously injure themselves. Maybe you should spend more time looking after them and making sure they're in bed and less time knitting bunting.
I know you sort your recycling out so that the posh bottles of wine are at the top and you put posh carrier bags out for the bin men. You are Fucking pathetic, grow up.
I know you are jealous that we have parking spaces and you don't and you live in a terrace and we don't- get over it. We worked our asses off for our house and didn't raise the money drinking Moet and shopping in Mint Velvet.

NB- I don't hold grudges against you for doing what you like and spending your own money, how you like but don't act like you've reached a higher level of social standing because of it- You sad, sad, stuck up twats!

CrapBag Tue 25-Jun-13 10:45:34

MIL, you have treated your son like shit. You have an affair, let your son watch his dad die, then 3 days later tell him about your affair. You have a nice cosy little life with new DH and couldn't give a shit about how we are or our struggles, but then SFIL leaves you (because you are not remotely supportive of his illness I suspect and that it means you can't go on all these foreign holidays anymore) and you want DH to constantly come running and even if he doesn't put a kiss on the end of a text you put the guilt on saying that you think he doesn't care etc etc. GET A FUCKING GRIP WOMAN. You are annoying your own children, you are selfish and want everything your way, well guess what, we have our own lives that you weren't too bothered about before so now that you are needy, we aren't going to change that. How about you stop relying on everyone else how to deal with everything and learn to be independent. Its not hard.

Friend who was once considered best. You are annoying the fuck out of me with your middle class wannabe attitudes. You have been rude to my friends (and I am saying mine now as they aren't that bothered about you anymore). You don't invite anyone from this group to anything yet you throw a hissy fit if you aren't invited to something (also check you texts before you have a go at me about something you think you aren't invited to, because you were, and you also owe me an apology for that). And that comment about how my DS would have shown an ability for swimming by now? well fuck you! You just can't stick it that your children can't swim and mine can even though they started their lessons all at the same time. It isn't the teachers, it is your children. Maybe they are not the best at everything they do? Also it does appear that you favour your DD over your DS. Why is she oversensitive and tired actually I call it whiny but your DS needs to 'man up'. Can you explain the difference there to me?

Wow that really helped! grin

learnasyougo Tue 25-Jun-13 11:07:24

Dad, ye reap what ye sow. You have a wonderful little grandson and your behaviour means you'll probably never see him. You did fuck all as a father and now history repeats itself. Well done you. I'm glad we're not talking.

Mum, please stop behaving so badly to grandma. She is your mother and deserves respect, or if you can't muster that, then at least your kindness.

Dear exh, you destroyed me. what you did to me I'll never forget. But like a phoenix rising from the ashes, you made me stronger, so in a screwed up way I should be grateful. I learned a lot from you.

Sil - can you please stop telling me about every second of your day at work whenever I see you, I get that you love your job, but I don't work there and I'm really not interested.

Please look into getting your bad breath sorted out, it really is revolting, I don't know how your dh can bare to kiss you - which brings me to my next subject, please ease up on the pda's; you're in love, we get it, we don't need to see it.

When you want to give your parents a present that is concert tickets for them and you and your dh, do not wait for us to be there, and involve my dc in a treasure hunt to find said tickets; it is mean to get young children so excited and then have nothing for them at the end.

And finally, please stop making it so obvious that you prefer MY ds to MY dd, they are both adorable, your sick inducing fb status's about how amazing ds is, with no mention of dd is really not on; and please stop arranging treats for ds and none for dd, she does notice and so do I. If you can't treat them both, don't treat either of them!

Ah, that feels better!!

julieann42 Tue 25-Jun-13 11:45:08

SIL don't tell me lies...I'm not as stupid as I look.

PILs again I can tell when your telling lies to as your stories never quite add up with SILs

OnIlkelyMoorBahtat Tue 25-Jun-13 11:46:11

Dad - I'm nearly 42 years old: please stop trying to make my decisions for me, or having a tantrum when I make decisions about my life that you don't agree with. And stop giving me advice if I haven't asked for it!

Also, please stop being so negative all the time - you only ever see the problems, not the opportunities. It's all really wearing, and it drives me away.

OnIlkelyMoorBahtat Tue 25-Jun-13 11:48:06

WorkingtoohardMama "When you want to give your parents a present that is concert tickets for them and you and your dh, do not wait for us to be there, and involve my dc in a treasure hunt to find said tickets; it is mean to get young children so excited and then have nothing for them at the end."

Ooo, that's horrible - some people are so thoughtless!

Dogsmom Tue 25-Jun-13 11:50:23

DH our baby dd is just as important as your son, stop shutting her out and take her to meet him, she's nearly 4 months old now, she doesn't understand yet but she will one day and I swear that the first time you hurt her feelings over it I will leave you. You've done it to me a million times but I refuse to let you do it to her.

Friend - cut your lawn, it's not a safe haven for wildlife it's a fucking mess. Oh and leave your husband as he's an idle, selfish twat and you deserve so much better.

NHS - why didn't you call my Dad for the AAA screening program? He fitted all the criteria and everyone else his age in this area appears to have been sent for.
If you had then he would be here watching his much longed for granddaughter playing, instead he died when she was a week old.

Babbadie Tue 25-Jun-13 12:02:31

Colleague 1: You're lazy. You've just been promoted and you are very very lucky for getting that because you have done very little to deserve it. I know for a fact that you take massive amounts of credit for other people's work and it this work that has got you a promotion. You try so hard to be 'alternative' and 'different' but you're actually just living the same old boring middle class life that you rally against. People like me who shop at Primark, don't eat organic food, are obsessed with cleaning, come from poor areas and families are not scum as you make out like they are. You make my skin scrawl.

Colleague 2: You're just a massivewly privileged posh cunt. You think the whole world revolves around you. If we start having a conversation about a wedding I went to over the weekend it's bad manners to cut in five minutes into the conversation to talk about your brother's wedding. No-one cares and it's not even what we were talking about. I know you're ever so slightly senior to me in my job but stop fucking telling me what to do and how I should plan my career. If I want to change jobs before my contract runs out I fucking will.

MIL: Stop being so prim-and-proper. The world will not end if I drop an 'f' bomb in your company. And stop assuming I'm like you. I'm not. I'm a feminist and there is no way I would give up my career to stay at home and look after children and your son. Don't look horrified when your son is the one getting washing out, making tea and coffee etc when you come to visit. He's old enough to know how to use these appliances so why shouldn't he just because he's the man? Also, I don't want children, I never have and I never will. Don't assume this is just a phase because I am a 28 year old woman and I know my own fucking mind. But thanks for actually being nice- reading MN has shown me that you could be much much much worse

DM: Stop fucking panicking about everything in life. And please stop smoking, I know you've been at it for nearly 50 years but it really upsets me when you keep constantly getting chest infections. I think about you dying everyday and I find it hard to cope with that.

DBIL: You're really thick and it pisses me off that you try and tell me stuff that I actually know because it's my job to know this stuff. Your entire life depresses me because you fucked up so bad. If you hadn't gone off the rails at university, you'd have a great job now and could afford the stuff you call us 'snobby' for having. Stop lashing out at other people because you're bitter about the way your life turned out. You have no-one to blame but yourself.

Pennyacrossthehall Tue 25-Jun-13 12:06:03

Dad - you're my hero and I still use you as my measure of what is good behaviour in human beings.

Mum - you're the rock that has bound our family for nearly 50 years.

DB - in the face of your ex's miserable behaviour, you are a shining example of how to be a great father, even when you can't see your daughter every day, and have showed epic tolerance for the exSIL.

DSis - you're braver than most and setting out to live your life the way that you want. I'm sure that everything will work out, mainly because you made it so.

DP - thank you for being so tolerant of my foibles (^by comparison to so many on here!^) for so many years. I think that we rub along pretty well.

Ds1 - your choices are not the ones I wanted, but you have stuck to them and I'm very proud of you and the way that you are turning into an adult before my eyes.

Ds2 - still not sure what you are going to bloom into, but I love you deeply regardless.

Just thought that this thread needed some balance.

LaQueen Tue 25-Jun-13 12:12:36

MIL - you are a very sweet lady, and I'm really grateful that you dote on our DDs and are always so happy to see them...but, please, please, please clean your house. It actually smells, and I can't fancy any food that you cook there. Your bathroom and kitchen are visibly dirty.

And, you've really started letting yourself go...you were never well groomed, but sort of okay-ish presentable (albeit you've only ever bathed once a week). But, these last few months...twice I've seen you in visibly dirty clothes, and your hair...your hair, just looks wild and really greasy.

Mum - I do love you. But, at the age of 72 I really think you shouldn't be quite so silly in your behaviour. If you want to ask DH a perfectly normal question, then just ask him FFS...don't whisper the question to me, instead. Why you persist in pretending that DH is some sort of ogre, I really have no idea? He isn't. And, never has been. The rest of the family love him. Why don't you even try to mask the fact you clearly don't like him that much? And, you're so pleased with yourself, thinking that you've got away with your petty bits of spite towards him - but you haven't. Everyone notices. Everyone thinks you're wrong, and more than a bit pathetic.

And, you never ask any questions, or show any real interest in what I, or DH are doing. When we're clearly trying to include you in the conversation, if you decide it's something that bores you, you just zone-out and don't even pretend to show an interest. And, yet you like to tell us chapter & verse, every detail of your days and get a bit huffy if we don't show lots of interest.

However, you do focus on our DDs, to the point of obsession, virtually ignoring all your other GCs, which I think is so unfair. I know you love them, but you're too lazy to make any effort to actually visit them. There's been so many times that you've deliberately undermined me with our DDs, and I honestly believe you often try and buy their love. It hasn't worked. I happen to know they actually prefer my MIL.

Babbadie Tue 25-Jun-13 12:14:34

DMIL: Please stop emailing me pictures of your grandchildren. I have no interest in them at all. No, the video of your oldest grandkid acting like a massive spoilt little shit is not 'sweet'. I watched two four seconds of it and then deleted the email. I know I'm female but I have no interest in children whatsoever. I know you find this nearly impossible to comprehend but it's true.

ilovexmastime Tue 25-Jun-13 12:15:18

DM the lack of love and comfort that I received while growing up has had a direct effect on our relationship today. I try to go along with your 'we're great friends' act but all I can think about is how you told me that you never cuddled me when I was little because I never wanted cuddles. Really? Well maybe if you hadn't used hitting, sorry 'smacking' hmm, with a wooden spoon or a slipper as a punishment and then laughed at me when I cried, then maybe I might have come to you for cuddles. Ever think about that?
Also, well done for turning it round so that, yet again, it was MY fault.

And breathe...

PeachActiviaMinge Tue 25-Jun-13 12:16:52

DS - I love you, I love you so much. I'm so afraid of losing you I truly don't deserve you. I cry every damn night because I am so afraid of how much I love you.

MIL - No you will not be looking after DS anytime soon, you tell us constantly how unstable on your feet you are and you smoke nasty knock off fags that stink your house out. I know you think I'm awful for not letting you smoke in our home and wash your hands before touching the baby but I will protect him with my life and couldn't care less if it offends you.

Also living on benefits isn't easy you have seen me unable to afford shoes for DD for school and yet you have decided Fil can give up work to live on benefits don't expect us to support your stupid decsion we just can't.

Mum - your only grandson is eight weeks old I don't care about how much we hurt each other please come meet him and see your granddaughter for the first time in three years. I wish you knew how much it hurts me everyday to not have a mum.

Dad - you're not really ever going to be a part of my life are you? six years with no contact I had you in my life for five years but you never cared really. I love you anyway I wish I could change you but I don't know how to fix us. I'm sorry.

world - I am so afraid and alone please don't judge the way I am, I'd love to be normal.

Op thanks for this it helps to say how much it hurts even if I'm shaking and crying now.

ilovexmastime Tue 25-Jun-13 12:22:36

Also DM, please stop being so bloody negative about everything, I find it extremely draining listening to you whinge, don't you think I get enough of it from the kids?

And... please, please, please, learn to listen and stop taking everything so personally.

FasterStronger Tue 25-Jun-13 12:25:19

DB - why are you such a fucking coward? why do you never visit your mother? she is on her own you wanker. you are not the first person in the world to have a child. DM did everything for you & you take her for granted. you are weak & we both know it.

flipchart Tue 25-Jun-13 12:26:28

Ds1 I love you and everything and I'm glad you like chatting to me but cn you just shut up for a while please! DS is 16 and hasn't stopped talking nice he learned how to. DS 2 is the same but fortunately he is at school so my ears are getting a bit of a rest!

LaQueen Tue 25-Jun-13 12:27:31

Oh and X - stop being so bitter and resentful. I'm too polite to tell you, but I see right through you, always have. It's no one else's fault that you dropped out of college, had a baby at 20 and then have spent the last 15 years really struggling to make ends meet. You couldn't afford to have one baby, let alone have 2 more. Yet, you refuse to do any job that you consider is beneath you hmm

Why do you think you're so special? I have other friends, with university degrees behind them, who are just grateful to have any job at the moment.

You constantly sneer and snipe at anyone you consider better off than you. Mocking things they buy, places they go, activities they do (even my poor Mum's line-dancing FFS) to make yourself feel better about your own penny-pinching, hum-drum existence.

You pride yourself, that you're 'straight-talking and just telling it like it is' - when in fact you're just dead rude, spiteful and hurtful. And, you try and convince yourself that you're actually a much nicer, better person for not being obsessed by material goods. yeah, right, whatever.. hmm

I can promise you, there's nothing especially worthy, or morally aspirational about a life spent living in a dead scruffy/grubby house, watching too much daytime TV, and deliberately trying to upset other people, for daring to enjoy themselves from time to time.

ArtemisatBrauron Tue 25-Jun-13 12:29:00

This is such a difficult thread. So much pain and anger and sadness. sad

DM - Thanks for being the role model my sisters and I needed. We all know that we deserve to be treated well, that we can achieve anything we want if we work hard and that we are just as valuable as men in life and in the workplace.

DSF - Thanks for being there, caring and bringing me up. Thanks for never making a difference between me and your own 3 children with my mum. You are my dad, no matter what biology we don't share.

"D"F - you are a weak man. You walked away when I needed you and crawled back when it was easy for you. You have never stood up for me. I can't believe after everything you did, you are sulking with me because you didn't get to give me away at my wedding - you hadn't seen me in nearly 5 years by that stage. You need a reality check.

DH - Thank you for loving me, for being my partner in life and for making every day so much fun.

LadyRabbit Tue 25-Jun-13 12:29:59

DS- please let this year be the year you finally start a diet, stay on it and lose the 5 or 6 stone you really need to. You are morbidly obese. You have been on ADs for the last 15 years because of this; the bullying, the broken relationships; but more seriously the health complications. You are only 26, beautiful, super smart, kinder than anyone I know and I love you so much for the way you love my DS. But you are killing yourself with your chronic overeating and refusal to do something about it. Everyone loves you, everyone can see how your potential is being hindered, everyone is worried for you. Enough bullshit, get your shit together because only you can and let your life truly begin.

sherbetpips Tue 25-Jun-13 12:39:17

Boss - after 13 years I was off sick for a week and a half having been put under horrendous stress by you. Get over it, the client was fine, the business is fine - stop referring to it for christs sake and let's move on.

BF - get out of your damn house and stop letting your husband walk all over you - go out, have fun, you might not hate the kids so much if you were not permanently with them.

BIL - stop bulling my sister and thinking you are king of the world, you are not, you are obnoxious, rude and overbearing and unbelievably dull.

DSis - please stop cutting your hair off, you are beautiful and it makes you look like a bloke

SIL - stop freaking out every time MIL is rude, she is rude, she isnt going to change, stop being so bloody sensitive. There are way worse in-laws out there.

BIL - stop trying to get hold of MIL's money. Your DF was very specific on his deathbed that you must not be allowed to touch it. Leave it be so I never have to tell you that. Her money and her care in old age are covered, you are not the only one capable of ensuring this. And no we do not want to put it into 'Trust' whatever the hell that is. It is not a future inheritence, it is money to look after her.

DH - you are wonderful, stop putting up with the shitty job and get some pride in yourself. go out there and show them how good you are.

All friends and family who live overseas - stop telling us how much better everything is and how shit England is. This includes people who have moved from north to southern england - we see the weather every morning, its just as crap there.

Wow quite cathartic!

Dsis please stop drinking. We are all too terrified of your reaction to bring it up with you but all your family are scared half to death at what you are doing to yourself. Drinking at 3pm on your own is not normal no matter what sort of day you have had... especially when it is every single day.

DD I wish you were still here to see what a beautiful grandson DS is. You only knew him for 3 months, and every day I wish you were still around to guide him and love him like you did me. You were the kindest, gentlest and fairest man I have ever known and I hope just a little of you is in my DS. You would have been so proud of him.

LaQueen Tue 25-Jun-13 12:52:11

And, to add some balance...

DH - you fill my world. I've been with you for 22 years, and have never once stopped falling in love with you smile

DDs - you're both truly beautiful, inside and out. And, it's a privilege to be your Mummy smile

towerofjelly Tue 25-Jun-13 13:00:32

DM - telling me that you didn't like me at my brothers funeral was cruel, and then acting as if nothing has changed and act bewildered that I don't want to spend anytime with you is not going to erase what you said. You stopped liking me and my sister when we became teenagers, and you will do the same to my DDs and that's why you will always be kept at arms length and miss so much of being part of our family.

FobblyWoof Tue 25-Jun-13 13:22:19

To friend I'm about to cut out of my life

When I cut you out I won't be explaining why. You won't get it because you never listen to other people and it would be a waste of my breath that you'll turn around on me, so I'm writing it here.

You are the most self centred person I have ever met and you contradict yourself constantly. One minute your life is shit and obviously way worse than anyone else's. Yes, you went through some stuff as a teen and yes it wasn't nice but you can't use that as a reason you're unhappy now. We all have our demons, some of us just aren't as vocal about them. You are the only person that bad things have happened to. Similarly, I'm sure you do have depression but have you ever considered that you're not the only person in the entire world who has it and that perhaps your friends also suffer with it?

The next minute your life is so fantastic. I get that you say how great it is to make yourself feel better about your life, and good for you for trying to be positive, but does that have to happen at the expense of over people? Myself the most. In order to make yourself feel better about your own life you constantly belittle mine. I fucking love being a parent. I get that might not be the way you want to go with your life (though I suspect it is) but you don't have to put me down and make snide remarks about being a parent. Similarly, I love my relationship. I'm sorry yours didn't work out (though I'm beginning to realise why) but that does mean I'm jealous of going out and getting pissed. If that's how you want to live then great, but I love being with DP and spending time with him curled up on the sofa. I'm not inferior, or "not cool" for thinking so.

Also, yes I have less money than you. Earth to <friends name> I rent a house, have a DP and a DD and you have no one to spend your money on but yourself. Of course you have more money. And no, the whole world does not want beats headphones and people are not envious you have some, we actually think you're a bit of a tool.

And finally, just because you have had a petty argument with my best friend does not mean that I involved myself. In fact I stayed out. One, because it's none of my business and two, because we're not all thirteen. I was pretty surprised when you didn't congratulate said friend on her engagement and I'm even more surprised, annoyed etc that you couldn't even drum up a Facebook like when I announced my second pregnancy! It showed me that you aren't a friend at all and although pretty hurt by your actions (or lack of) I am pleased that I can finally cut you out of my life guilt free. I had the opportunity to last year but you manipulated me. You're not doing that again. So <friends name> have a life nice life. You probably will but you're too bitter, wrapped up in your own little issues and too much of hypochondriac that you probably won't realise if it is any good.

FasterStronger Tue 25-Jun-13 13:40:29

SIL - I know you will be disappointed when DP & I have children. i know you hope i am infertile - DB let something slip. I am not. you are not a nice person. I avoid you as much as possible and I put on the best show I can when avoidance is not possible. I only do it to make it easier for my family.

here is the thing: I know you: when it was your hen party, I kept asking the other guests how they knew you and most of them said 'i don't know {SIL}, I am {another guests friend}. where were your friends?

FobblyWoof Tue 25-Jun-13 13:49:14

And because that felt so good;

BIL: hopefully STBXBIL. The way you have treated my sister this year has been awful. She's not been perfect, not by a long way but how can you not see that you and your actions are driving her to the brink.

You've never been there for her during your marriage you've been a shit father to your kids. Especially when you were in contact with the OW. Then they'd just have their dad ignoring them until they did something wrong (usually only slight because your kids, thanks to my sister, are fucking saints) then you'd discipline them by being shouts and borderline agressive. Medal for you.

You call my sister controlling but I would call it demanding. And she's only demanding because you did sweet FA. Perhaps she wouldn't have to be on at you to do the housework, look after the kids, walk the dog, do anything other than sit on your arse when you're not at work if, guess what, you actually did some of those things in the first place. She works too, you shit, and even if she didn't housework wouldn't just be her job. Perhaps if your realised that (though your brain is probably far too small) then she wouldn't have to nag you and be controlling in order for her to have her own life outside of running around after you. It's really not difficult.

And texting someone else? Classy move. Since you moved out she's done everything to be be accommodating to you and you just take the piss. All the time and it's not on. You're a selfish sack of shit and I'd be more than happy to say all of this to you and more but we both know damn well that if I suggesting meeting up to talk about a few things (for my sisters benefit) you wouldn't do it because you know very well I'd be more than happy to call you on your shit and I wouldn't fall for the "boo hoo, I'm not good enough for her" crap that you keep trotting out everytime you feel backed into a corner.

I think I may have had a scrap of respect (or at least lack of contempt) for you if you'd actually stood up and said "no, I don't want to be with you" and stuck to your guns. But you haven't. You're constantly hedging your bets and treating my sister like crap and honestly? It makes me want to kill you in your sleep. I'd say I hope you have a nice life like I wished on my shitty friend, but I don't. I hope your life sucks.

Horrid lady bullying me at work. You are bitter and jealous and maybe should have worked harder or married someone with more potential. Oh and you may have an incredibly flat tummy but you have no breasts and horrid chunky legs so stop going on about your body and food intake all the bloody time.

Df you are a vile human being and I hope you die a very long drawn out painful death. Maybe trapped somewhere by your legs with the rude coming in in excruciating agony. The only thing that could make this scenario nicer is if step monster was trapped next to you.

Oh and DH I am pregnant but still can do stuff. But I love you more than you will ever realise. You are the kindest, cleverest, funniest, sexiest, handsomest, most generous man I have ever met. You are also a fantastic father to boot. You would not have ended up in a ditch if it were not for me either, you were just so sad that you did not realise how great you are but you would have been loved even if I had not burst into your life.

Dd brush your bloody hair.

Dd and DS use the bloody toothbrushes and toothpaste. Just waving the brush under the tap does not convince me you have brushed your teeth, especially when your breath smells like a camels arse!!

God this is therapeutic.

Ex-h

Stop teling people that you were excluded from James' funeral. We all know that you weren't (but I wanted to exclude you so badly) you were a shit father and a shit husband. You didn't deserve to be in either of the boys lives. How dare you run around telling anyone stupid enough to listen to you how your bitch of an ex-w refused to let you know any of the details and refused to let you be there. You were on your piece of shit motorbike directly behind the car we travelled in. That would be the piece of shit motorbike your entire family begged you not to ride that day.

As for us refusing to take money from you for the funeral, don't make me laugh. You haven't paid a penny for the boys in 16 years, why would you have made any effort to help pay for his funeral?

You are a lying, bullying piece of crap who doesn't deserve to call the boys 'yours' They are my sons and their stepdad is more of a father than you could ever dream of being.

I needed that blush

maternitart Tue 25-Jun-13 14:55:31

Woman at work: no-one cares about your diet or exercise regime that you talk about incessantly. Shut up and get some self awareness.

Parents: when you tell me you can't visit because you are looking after my DN all summer holiday, it hurts and I feel sad for my baby. I know it's unreasonable but I feel resentful.

Friend: you probably haven't noticed I'm phasing you out but I am. I'm tired of you letting me down and being a generally self-obsessed, inflexible person. I know you want kids and I hope you have them - maybe you'll realise it's not all about you then.

Producer of The Voice: you ruined it with your crappy sob story shite and endless recaps. Stick to the singing bits and tell Holly to put them away.

redexpat Tue 25-Jun-13 15:29:55

Classmates: cheer. the fuck. up. Quit whining. Do you know how lucky you all are to get an education for free? And a student grant?

DH. Wear a fucking watch. And if you want to lose weight stop shovelling food into your trap and do some exercise.

BeeMom Tue 25-Jun-13 15:35:43

In all honesty, I would say this

FadBook Tue 25-Jun-13 16:04:10

DM - stop talking about your job and the contents of your job each time I speak to you. And when you ask a question, listen to the answer. If you did this you wouldn't feel like I don't tell you anything!

DSDad - stop working so hard. Money isn't every thing.

DSis - everyone is worried about you. We are all here for you. Don't cut us out.

MIL - you are worth so much more than what you're getting from your DP. He is ok but I really think you can do better. You are an amazing nanny to my dd and I think I love you more than my actual family sometimes.

DP - you are my world (but I think you know this!)

DD - I love you (but you know that too)

IneedAyoniNickname Tue 25-Jun-13 16:10:17

I found this theraputic yesterday, so am back to add,

Grandma/J and K, I miss you all so much. Sometimes something happens that you would have laughed at so much and I wish I could pick up the phone and tell you. I still have your numbers saved because deleting them makes it all so final even though its been 3.5/7.4/3.2 years since you left us. I wish you could see your amazing great-grandsons/godsons growing up, and hope you'd be proud of them.

My 2 ds': you are my world. I would die for you. Iblive you more than anything, and am sorry I'm not better at what I do. You are both amazing and I will always always love you.

Babbadie Tue 25-Jun-13 16:20:38

*To the organiser of last night's work meal out*: Don't be in a fucking sulk with me because I didn't go. I hate almost every single one of my colleagues and I'd rather have an evening on my sofa with my DP than with you bunch of cunts. And you and others need to stop saying that you missed me because I'm the 'life and soul of the party'. It's only because I'm the only one who isn't a completely boring cunt and refuses to talk about work. And I get a bit lot sweary. But I find it very emotionally draining always needing to be at dos because without me it seems no-one is capable of having a laugh.

*To the administrator of our work place*: You're a bitch. You talk to people like shit because you feel in some way superior. I absoultely hate coming and asking you for stuff even though its your job. It's even worse for my junior colleagues with less confidence and experience than me. Don't you get it that the really really senior people only out you on a pedestool and say how great you are and how the department couldn't run without you because that way they can get you to do more stuff for them. You're some kind of stupid fucking cunt if you can't see that. Also stop talking about going running and exercising all the time, you're fat no matter how much you wish you weren't.

fivefoottwowitheyesofblue Tue 25-Jun-13 16:22:20

Friend - I think it is unreasonable to go abroad for a week without your DS. I know he has already been on holiday this year - but so have you! He is 10 - in a few years he won't want to be with you so make the most of it now.

SnookyPooky Tue 25-Jun-13 16:23:41

DM I love you dearly but please shut the fuck up with your constant dramas, negativity and yammering.

FacebookWanker Tue 25-Jun-13 16:46:23

Friend - we're not in a meeting at work, so please don't use corporate nonsense language with me, stop speaking to me as if I'm a naughty little child, and don't take it personally if I have a different opinion on something that is really trivial

...if only I could say this in RL...

FacebookWanker Tue 25-Jun-13 16:50:50

...and neighbour upstairs. We hate your fucking shit music and don't wish to share it with you round the clock angry

LaQueen Tue 25-Jun-13 16:55:08

Y ...your constant refrain about how You went to the University of Life and also that Qualifications and degrees don't really mean anything just highlights your insecurities, and enforces the general opinion that you just weren't clever enough to get into university.

Just thought you should know.

FruminousBandersnatch Tue 25-Jun-13 16:55:37

(I've actually said the first part of this several times but it has fallen on deaf ears).

Friend: That's great that the raw food diet has changed your life, but I'm perfectly happy with my diet and don't want to spend hours dehydrating raw potato because I don't have the time and also, I really don't believe they taste 'just like crisps'. And if you refer to my stomach as 'a graveyard for dead animals' once more I will slap you round the face with a T Bone steak.

perplexedpirate Tue 25-Jun-13 18:33:18

Colleague; when I put a call though to you, take it. Don't start a discussion with me about it, take it.
Take the fucking call because a) it's your fucking job and b) I'm not your PA, I'm your superior as you seem to keep forgetting.
Also, one more scrappy, ineligible note left on my desk and I will blow, I really will. angry

fancyanamechange Tue 25-Jun-13 18:38:54

"I'm a feminist and there is no way I would give up my career to stay at home and look after children and your son"

Babbadie - if you were a feminist you would know feminism is about giving women choices. And one can be a feminist and a SAHM.

HTH smile

cannotfuckingbelievethis Tue 25-Jun-13 18:48:07

My brother's girlfriend - Pay my parents the money you owe them you lying bitch. I have never met anyone who talks as much shite as you in my entire life. And I could not give a flying fuck that you "unfriended" me on facebook. Your attempts at depicting a fairytale life with my alcoholic brother made me want to vomit into my porridge every morning. Next time he fucks up (and let's face it, we all know he will) don't call with tears and snotters down the phone. You knew what you were signing up for so shut up or fuck off.

(off to wash my mouth out with soap now...cunt jobbie bollocks...)

marriedinwhiteagain Tue 25-Jun-13 19:00:03

mum: I'm sorry that nothing I have done has ever pleased you - I am who I am not who you want me to be. After being the only girl in the class with divorced parents, after dealing with your lovers as a teenager, after being told I am plain and ordinary and miserable and not what you expected all my life, does it ever occur to you that I should have ended up as a drop out or a druggie. I'm 53.

DH: Sometime, just sometimes it would be nice if you put me before work, I know how much you love me but sometimes I would like you to demonstrate it by what you do and not what you say.

MIL: You do realise don't you that if being head girl is your greatest achievement and if at 78 you are still talking about it your life has been incredibly sad.

justmuddlingalong Tue 25-Jun-13 19:09:15

Dp I'm aware that you're looking ill and gaunt. I know you're next appointment with the cancer specialist is in August. Please bring the appointment forward. We're both worried but not admitting it to each other.

cfc Tue 25-Jun-13 19:14:52

justmuddling admit it to him and bring it forward yourself.

Unmumsnetty hugs to you <<>>

justmuddlingalong Tue 25-Jun-13 19:17:52

Thank you cfc, hugs gratefully accepted.

stubbornstains Tue 25-Jun-13 19:18:16

Nearly all my friends and acquaintances: Please. If I text you or message you, please reply. It seems the norm nowadays to casually ignore messages, or say you're going to come to something and not turn up, or suggest we do something together and then act surprised and almost offended when I ask you if you're still up for doing x after a week.

That kills me. It fucking kills me. I know I have to act all casual and as if I don't really care in order not to seem all weird and needy and clingy, but when you let me down like that the pain is nearly physical, sometimes. I strongly suspect I have Aspergers, and I really need to know what the rules are, and that people are Just going to do what they say.

I love being with friends, and wish I had more, but I'm cutting more and more people out because I just can't cope with this behaviour, and am trying to convince myself that being lonely is OK, because it's less painful than the alternative.

CrapBag Tue 25-Jun-13 19:51:02

stubborn I could have written that post!!!!!

It gets on my wick so much I actually want to cut people out because of it! Its sooooo beyond rude I think, especially when people know how much you would like them to reply to a message, then they still don't bother anyway. Clearly we are not important for 30 seconds of their precious time.

DS, I am so sorry I am failing you as a mother. All I do is tell you off because you seem to be playing up so much, you don't listen, you know it isn't acceptable, we have had talks, you know how to behave, I have told you that I don't like shouting at you and we try and work with rewards and stickers. I just don't know where I am going wrong, I really don't. At the moment I feel like I just don't want to be your mum anymore as there doesn't seem much point.

CrapBag Tue 25-Jun-13 19:52:25

stubborn on a side note, why do you suspect aspergers? I have read some stuff and there are things that fit, especially a link that someone put on here once about adult females with it. The thought has crossed my mind more than once.

marriedinwhiteagain Tue 25-Jun-13 20:13:37

*stubborn and crap bag* I utterly hate it when people do that. A very long time ago I stopped losing sleep about it. People who do that are rude and they aren't friends. There's nothing wrong with either of you except that you are decent and well mannered. I just ignore them if they do it - their loss x

stubbornstains Tue 25-Jun-13 20:14:14

Well crapbag, again it was Mumsnet wot did it....a thread about Aspie females and their traits. There were links to this online quiz: www.rdos.net/eng/Aspie-quiz.phpyou - I did it, and the results told me I was "most likely" Aspergers. It was a bit of a light bulb moment. It certainly explains a lot.

FWIW, quite often I feel I could write the second part of YOUR post!

GroupieGirl Tue 25-Jun-13 20:23:57

Dear rota-writing-assistant-manager, I don't like you. You don't like me. Can we be grown-ups about it? I'd like to think that my being given one shift a week coincidentally on your only day off was nothing personal, but we both know better. Stop being a dick and share the shifts fairly. Also, stop talking about your hair. I couldn't give a flying fuck which weather system it represents, it needs cutting, washing and brushing.

cannotfuckingbelievethis Tue 25-Jun-13 20:32:27

You, yes you blowing smoke in my fucking face outside starbucks, will you please sit down wind of me so I don't need to breathe that shit. I had 3 bean chilli for my dinner and it's not agreeing with me so you're going to be coughing even more in a minute.

CrapBag Tue 25-Jun-13 20:37:39

I got a most likely aspie score as well. Reading the detailed bits after about what relates to what, compulsions etc, it does fit, some of it scarily so!

I have felt for a while that I am not quite like everyone else and I don't see things in quite the same way. I also find it stands out a lot when reading stuff on here. I often find that I am very much in the minority!

cleoteacher Tue 25-Jun-13 20:43:21

Goodness, this thread is great, the rubbish other people have to put up with makes me feel lucky i have a great family.

DH- I do love you and fancy you even if I don't want sex as much as you would like. I know we are going through a rough patch at the moment but I hope we will get through it. I want us to me married until we die (although sometimes I do doubt this will happen) I don't mean to nag you but I am finding it hard because you are not quite the dad i thought you would be. i wish you would prioritise your family over work and put your ds before yourself. please,please,please spend less so we can save.

Certain friends- Why do you feel you can treat me like a door mat? Why am I the one you cannot be bothered to call or attend a birthday or birthday, why am I always the one making the effort. Please tell me as I want to stop this pattern of always making friends with the 'wrong' people.

CrapBag Tue 25-Jun-13 20:48:13

Ooo I have another.

Neighbour. Why oh why the fuck do you play 3 different musical instruments in a fairly new terraced house where the walls are unbelievably thin?! Yes I know its your home but one day I am going to rip my ears off and come and stuff them in the end of your trombone. I can just, and I am saying just because its the quietest of the 3, about stick the trumpet. The cello and trombone though? AAAAAAAAAARRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRGGGGGGGGGGGGHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH.

One day you will hear this screamed at the top of my voice. Or maybe not because you won't hear past your instrument. Which you also have an uncanny knack for playing as I am having a daytime nap (I have M.E./CFS and struggle in the day with 2 children) or just as the kids have gone to bed and I can sit down and relax. I know you don't know this, but it is uncanny how it is all the time at these times (and yes I have been listening to your trumpet for quite a while this evening, stop it now).

AdmiralData Tue 25-Jun-13 20:51:11

Dear ex-sister - I could care less that you aren't speaking to me but not letting me see the kids is just fucking evil, I love them and you fucking know it. You wouldn't hate me so much if you hadn't trashed my wedding you jealous spiteful cow.

Dear ex sister in law - I hope you realise what you have lost by not being able to accept my DNiece as your stepdaughter you awful vile creature.

Dear Grandparents in law, I love you dearly but you have TWO grandsons and also a GREAT grandson. You were not painting your house you were taking the other grandson out on daytrips sad

Dear brother, I love you to bits and I appreciate that your stbxpartner is giving you grief but on top of taking care of BOTH our parents medical, emotional and physical care your washing and ironing is a bit too much for the me right now!

DM, I hope you finally realise you need help for your addictions. I am supporting you at the expense of my three month old son at times, you had better not fuck me over and let me down.

Dstbexboss - I am not coming back in September so you and your 18 month campaign of psychological abuse can go fuck yourselves.

Dear docter - I TOLD YOU MY DAD WAS ILL!!!

Rant over.

MrsLouisTheroux Tue 25-Jun-13 21:05:06

DH: I'm a good actress. I know what's going on but I choose not to confront you. I will one day.

whatacrappyweekendthatwas Tue 25-Jun-13 21:22:58

Just back to see this thread. As someone else said, there is a lot of sadness and hurt and anger here but I hope it has also been helpful.

I have some more!

Neighbour... you are a disgusting, rude, foul mouthed chav and an awful mother. In two years I have not heard you say one kind word to your kids and I hear everything through the wall. The way you speak to them is disgusting. You are disgusting and I wish I had the courage to stand up to you and tell you to keep the noise down as it disturbs my kids.

DS..I love all my children but you are my youngest and maybe I feel the most protective over you. Sometimes I lie and look at you for so long when you sleep and know that no one, wife, child or otherwise could possibly love you as much as I do. I dont think any kind of love could compare to what I feel for you, my beautiful boy, and your sisters.

RogueRebel Tue 25-Jun-13 22:48:43

Dear Best Friend- I love you but you really need to stop sleeping with men you've just met. I don't have a problem with it but I do have a problem dealing with the aftermath of them ignoring you after. BTW he's mugging you off, its not a coincidence he's really busy with the gym/suicidal brother/work since you slept with him and stop making excuses for him on why he's unable to let you know he won't be meeting you after he's attempted to make a time/date, stop being so desperate he's taking advantage and I don't like seeing you hurt.

Ex- Your a twat, you actually mananged to destroy everything good in me. you made me feel less than a human. every day of those 4years was like being trapped in my own personal hell.
You are the worst father in the world, you treat our DD's differently based on hair colour and your not even subtle. Go Die in a hole somewhere and the world would be better off.

Crabby Assistant manager at work. I'd expect you to have a bit more empathy with parents as you are one. if I can't work over time because I can't afford to payback any WTC because I've been over paid just get someone else.

DSis - Just because you had a child a 14 because of your choices doesn't give you a free pass to get pissed off when that beautiful 11yr old calls your mother mummy. You have had 11years to step up to the plate and not once have you. Stop blaming our mother for things you've got wrong. stop eating all her food, taking her money and sleeping in her bed leaving her on the sofa. Stop acting like a spoilt brat and having tantrums when you don't get your own way, our mother is too exhausted from working ft, bringing up your dc ft, suffering from epilepsy and fibromyalgia to continue to stand her ground against you which is why you get your own way, not because you are right!

DNan - stop picking on grandad he's old and deserves a rest every now and then. I love him like a dad I'm so scared of loosing him.

World - I'm not a bad mum because I'm a lone parent, I didn't have children to get money. I work, i try. I may not be rich or have nice possession but I have my children and they are loved and cared for equally. I know I've done the right thing in leaving my ex, I know I was stupid to of stayed so long but its easy to judge from the outside.
I would love to have a fairytale love story but all faith in men has been destroyed so ill stick to watching it in Disney films instead.

actually feel good to get some of that out

LimitedEditionLady Tue 25-Jun-13 23:24:39

Dearest neighbour-please turn your fire off.Its not cold and it makes me feel ill sat on my sofa next to your blazing heat coming through the wall.Stop checking your back door and slamming it over and over again every hour.It is definately still locked.I also know what the weather is like,I am alive too.Why do you care anyway,you choose to stay inside?Neither you or I needs to know about the weather in Africa as I am nit going and as i mentioned you dont go outside.why are wearing wellies?Is there a flood that noone else knows about?No i dont like train records.People purposely avoid living near train tracks as they dont want to hear them,i dont want to either.Please cut your hair you look like captain birdseye after being stranded on a desert island for 40 years.

freddiefrog Tue 25-Jun-13 23:31:29

DH - you are becoming a super-critical, sanctimonious moaner and I'm am beyond bored of listening to you. Remove your head from your ass

DD2 - shut up, please, shut up. Just for 5 minutes. I love you dearly, but please, just shut up!

MiL - fuck off!!!!

freddiefrog Tue 25-Jun-13 23:37:00

Oh, and next door neighbour - if you can't work out how to get in your car without setting the alarm off every bloody time, perhaps you shouldn't use it. Every single time you go out in your car you set it off. Not too bad during the day but when you leave for work at 4am every day I am about ready to kill you!

ladymariner Tue 25-Jun-13 23:50:58

Mil......you are a vile, ignorant, sad old bag. Couldn't care less what you think about me but I will never forgive you for the way you ignore ds.

Ds......you are the most important, most precious thing in my life and you always will be. For the past 17 years 8months everything I've done has revolved around you and.making sure you're safe and protected. I know you're all grown up and can make your own decisions and it's your life, yes I know all that, but just humour me....I'm really trying to let you do your own thing but it's really hard learning to let go when I love you so very much!

Ds' best friend......if I find out you've been lying and being a two faced bastard to him I will make your life hell. You've been like a second son since you were both six, if you are now calling him and generally being a shit to him because he's too nice to call you on it I will make you suffer!!!! hopefully I'm wrong and it's just teenage hormones.....(yes I know this completely goes against the previous paragraph but we did say this was something we wouldn't say/do in rl so let me vent!!!)

Sil.....you fucking drama llama. Don't go posting your stupid crappy statuses all over fb about how much you love your big brother just so all your 'virtual' friends can read it and foolishly believe you to be a loving caring sister. We all know it's a complete sham....actions speak louder than words and your love and care have been completely absent ever since me and him got together and especially during these last particularly crappy 8 months. We are now through the other side and back on the up....no thanks to you and your self absorbed parents!

Wow, feel better for that!!!!!!

elQuintoConyo Wed 26-Jun-13 00:13:03

DM: stop boasting about my DSis, she's freelance and very successful, has a HUGE house with a HUGE garden and a pool and lots of animals and two beautiful DC.
I love my DSis. I love my DNiece&DNephew but you make it very hard to not resent them.
I don't have much, but I love what I have and what I do.
DH is also a very successful freelancer. If you don't see him, it's not because he's 'gone for a coffee/to buy bread', it's because he's in the office fucking working. Y'know, just like DSis.
When you visit us, pay some attention and shate some love with your DGS, don't just waffle on about your other DGS the other side of the world, how you miss him, how he says'nana, I miss you' over Skype and it breaks your heart while you barely give my DS the time of fucking day.
Stop being a narc. Stop being a killjoy over everything. Stop being a snob. Stop being so cold. Stop punishing me for still speaking to my DDad, your exH, even though you've managed to poison the very close, special connection between him and my DSis - they no longer talk, and he has NO contact with his DGC. You did it out of spite yet still you're not happy.
I love you, but I don't like you, and it kills me to have you stay here 2-3 times a year. If you helped out, y'know, maybe wash up once or offer me/DH a tea when you're making one, it might oil the wheels.

<I feel unbelievably mean, but my god that was good to get out there! Sorry if you read all that, folks!>

heavensabove123 Wed 26-Jun-13 01:02:29

Sister no one talks to you anymore it's because you're a first class bitch, shit mother, and nasty cunt face nobody don't know how you sleep at night. The thing is you really can't see it can you? Friends mum would be nice if you helped your daughter out, maybe spent some time with her sons, your grandsons such a shame never mind as far as we are concerned they have me and dh so with our two grandsons they make four don't understand how you don't want to enjoy them shame on you. dh stop forgetting to do diy round the house, fucks me off no end feel like shoving a hot screwdriver right up your lazy arse. Everybody else just bloody tidy up after yoursel, not too much to ask is it?

BeeMom Wed 26-Jun-13 01:42:26

mother - your DGD is terminally ill - I KNOW you can't handle it, and you have decided to pretend she doesn't exist instead. Don't get your knickers in a twist when I don't acknowledge your existence, either. She doesn't even know who you are. Sorry your sob story is falling on deaf ears - my sob story would rock your world... if I tried to play that card. However, if I find out one more time that you are playing the pity card about how poorly your beautiful granddaughter is I will travel to your home and let all your friends know what an attention seeking bitch you really are. By the way - you said I was angry at you for not dying when you had lung cancer? No, I was angry that even the lung cancer wasn't enough for you to stop lighting those goddamn fags. NO ONE believes that the house you lived in for 6 months when you were 20 and might have had asbestos in it caused the cancer - you have been smoking for almost 55 years, FGS! You want to kill yourself with the damn things, go ahead, but don't ask me for sympathy, or help.

sister - sorry you couldn't make your marriage work - but that's not my fault. If you really need to place blame, look at our parents. One divorced 4 times, the other 3... and being "in a relationship" 2 months after your stbx left definitely teaches your little girls that they are not complete unless they are part of a couple. Great lesson you are sharing...

FIL - You really have no social skills. Its taken me a while to realise this, but bluntly telling me to have an abortion when we found out there may have been abnormalities with DS1 - was really off and thats why I didn't speak to you for several months. Oh and stop banging on about my family's catholicism. I NEVER push my religious beliefs on you so shut the f up. Your DS was perfectly happy to get married in my family's church, (I was happy to have a non religious wedding) there was NO pressure from me or my family at all. In saying that, I did get the kids christened slightly just to pi$$ you off. Te he. Also, your DS2 (my kids uncle) really had no social skills when I met him and blames everybody else for his problems (like you, sound familiar?). Oh and inviting yourself around to our house 3 days after I'd given birth and turning up at 8:30 am, and letting me run around making you coffee and snacks (provided by us, would've been nice if you'd brought some food ya know ?) without you lifting a finger (Despite me being up all night with a newborn) was kinda . . . rude. Making the comment about me being in PJ's was maybe why i was a little short with you, as was the comment when I decided I needed a rest. Grrr. And having successfully brainwashed your DS into believing your breakup with his DM was totally her fault is really mean and I sincerely hope my own DH never does that with our DS. Would also be nice if you remembered our DS birthdays too.
DSMIL - You are lovely but are totally controlled by your husband. Break away and stand up to him FGS !
DF - Yes I do love you to bits but someone being 'ambitious' does not make them a better being, and telling me that my lifestyle and children's school choices are 'alright for you' in a patronising manner is just not nice. I know you are an uber achiever and your children are going to all be PM and CEO's at 30, but again that does not make you (or them) better.
DH - Yes I know you work hard and are great with the kids, but you COULD buy me flowers occasionally.
PHEW !

BIL you twat, pay back the 5k left on the car loan you owe us. Not our problem that you someone stole the car and burned it out. What did you do with the insurance money, hmmmm?

Sadly as we don't speak, it can't be said

MatersMate Wed 26-Jun-13 03:39:23

Dad, I know I have dc now which you are a great gp to, but I still resent you for my childhood when you were totally pissed the whole time, and made my dms life hell.

dd please stop trying to say'shit' it's very embarrassing.

MatersMate Wed 26-Jun-13 03:43:26

oh and MIL please stop being a poisonous cow. blaming me for dd coming early when she was still in nicu was beyond cruel. stop or I'll tell you to fuck off and that really will be that.

oh how I wish I could say that to her!

SpecialAgentTattooedQueen Wed 26-Jun-13 03:54:52

Mumsnet, delete that male troll you KNOW is a troll and posts carefully worded, hurtful comments on every relationship thread angry

DH, I love the kids but I'm not 'grateful' you do half the slog, you're bloody well supposed to so stop hinting you're fucking superdad!!! angry

MIL, I've realised you don't like me. You're a passive aggressive bitch. One more nasty little comment about my supposed eating disorder and I will inform you of the reason the kids cringe away when you want to cuddle. You SMELL because you're MORBIDLY OBESE

World - My DS is SEN, fuck off judging us!!!!

Cravingdairy Wed 26-Jun-13 04:04:47

Husband's ex boss - Pay up the money you promised him NOW or we will see you in the small claims court.

MatersMate Wed 26-Jun-13 04:14:52

dd go to fucking sleep, please child.

McGeeDiNozzo Wed 26-Jun-13 05:11:08

DD: learn how to go to sleep in the car seat, please.

MIL and FIL: I am from Northern England. I know what the cold is and it isn't what you think it is. I do not need a coat. I can cope.

DSis: Please stop changing your name, so I can find you again!

SpecialAgentTattooedQueen Wed 26-Jun-13 05:22:33

This one is one I really wouldn't dare say in real life.

FIL: You are a kind man and DH adores you. Which is the only reason I never told him how uncomfortable you made me when I BFed the twins. I actively avoided feeding in front of you because I knew you were leering. That time you came to our house when DH was at work (which you FUCKING KNEW YOU CUNT) I was exhausted and didn't bother to have a top on. I will never forgive the way you looked at me and especially not your comment.

In fact, you're not that great. MIL might be a bitch but the way you treat her is horrible. If you are EVER stupid enough to make a sexual comment to me again, I will tell DH and he will destroy you. Which you damn well fucking know which is the only reason you keep yourself restrained, even though it's so obvious to everyone except DH how you stare at me and SIL (not his daughter!!) and basically any woman who has cleavage or tight clothes on.

I think you're a fucking pervert. The fact you only keep your comments to yourself because your son would never speak to you again after most likely punching you in the face speaks volumes.

DM: I know you're extremely high strung. But it hurts I have to treat you like my child and never talk about things I need to because of how you'll react. I know you can't help it but you need anxiety medication and therapy.

DF: Stop enabling mum!! I know she's the centre of your world but she REALLY does need help.

Not-So-Friend: STOP pointing out the height and weight differences betweens DTS and DTD, they're both perfectly healthy and I don't know WTAF you are trying to imply by your comments!!

DH: You know I have insomnia. So stop snoring. >Unreasonable<

needaholidaynow Wed 26-Jun-13 06:10:53

Certain people on MN: NO, my stepdaughter is NOT my first born. She's my DP's first born, but not mine! My first born was born 5 years after DSD was born. Ok?

DP: Stop snoring! I have had no sleep for the past few hours because of you.

Veryunsure Wed 26-Jun-13 06:34:38

Lady 2 doors down: yes you might feel entitled to park your car outside your house, however it's not an allocated parking space and if you managed to park with a little more consideration I too could park outside my house.

I am not the other woman by the way dh was very single when we met not that it's your business but as you're still friends with his exgf thought I'd clear that up so you can stop looking at me like a home wrecker. You're husband left you for another my dh did not.

Also your child is a complete degenerate, just saying.

DH exgf: I have never disliked a person more, the way you shout at dsd and the things you say to her have not only damaged her self esteem but made her believe she's not very clever. She's a child and you should know better, I'm tired of cleaning up your shit because you're bored of being a parent.

Friend, stop telling me what I need to/should do, I'm a grown woman I'll do as I please.

Cat; I love you, I thought you loved me..I had to go away with work but I'm back now. Stop sulking.

KittyTwatknicker Wed 26-Jun-13 07:39:52

DM: please stop going on and on and on and on about stuff that really doesn't matter. I've made it to 40 without killing myself/being a druggie/alcoholic etc etc. I am a successful working mum and capable of looking after myself and family. And I don't need to be reminded about 'thank you' cards one day after my/DDs birthday.

Friend A: stop 'forgetting' to go to the cash machine every week, leaving me having to pay for your lunch when you earn twice as much as me. It pisses me right off that you NEVER buy it back or repay. I know you're in debt, so make your own sarnies FFS! You are so transparent.

Friend B: you do not have an original idea in your head. Start thinking for yourself and stop copying me. You are an adult with choices, grrrrr!

DB: Fuck the fuck off with your selfish ways and thoughtlessness. It annoys EVERYONE. Not to mention the parade of scan/pregnancy photos of your wife on FB, when you have friends/family struggling to conceive.

DH: help me more with the housework and stop shouting at the girls. Enjoy them. And can we have more sex please.

Neighbours: stop coming round all the time. I am busy with a new baby.

ILs: behave yourselves on holiday with us

Phew, that feels good!

FasterStronger Wed 26-Jun-13 08:58:33

X: we have never spoken about your HIV other than through coded conversations. you know I know. I know you are scared of dying but you must stop having unprotected sex. i know someone did this to you & you have to cope with it & I know it is easier to continue rather than change your thinking. because someone is responsible for their own protection that does not mean its ok for you to infect them if they are careless. you know what careless leads to.

and I know the medication is fairly effective now but FUCKING HELL i don't know the name for what you do. you look like shit and i wonder who still wants to have sex with you. either they are very fucked up or you don't want to admit you are in fact celibate, which i think is highly likely.

I know your head is in a mess and you have some sort of death wish... to end the waiting?

and I know you have taken xmeth in the last few years - you were a complete weirdo that time we met you in the pub & where were you going? who were you going to see? i think it thrilled you to know it might send you on a final downwards trajectory and you did it anyway. this is very far away from normal.

I know you create drama so you don't need to think, but you need to stop all of this crazy behaviour and give yourself time to grieve. you put up a good front but you need to stop all of this and keep taking the pills - for whatever your actual list of conditions is. sometime i wonder where the lies start and end.

you are getting old and your luck is going to run out.

i am so sorry how your adoption worked out and that you were born in homophobic times. i know you have always been alone. where you groomed at school? i know you said not but you did not convince anyone.

despite your many, many faults (i think you are a thief and a fraudster by the way), you have many friends who care about you. its going to be tough till you sort out the latest around of self inflicted disaster, but don't leave this world just yet.

BeanoNoir Wed 26-Jun-13 09:06:12

You both make me sad, angry and upset for not speaking to each other and refusing to see the other's point of view. It affects the whole family and I hate how no one will ever talk about it or acknowledge thye fucking great big elephant in the room at 'family' gatherings. It makes me not want to go and I hate that. Just bloody swallow your pride and drop the feeling hurt and accept the other has a right to feel hurt too, both of you.

oneeyedjacques Wed 26-Jun-13 10:31:50

I would tell everyone who keeps dropping hints about when DP and I are going to have kids that I am not infertile, that I am not too selfish to give up my lifestyle, that I'm not 'putting my career first', that I'm not lacking in maternal instincts - but that the real reason that I'm not pregnant is that we haven't had sex for 4 years, thanks to the stress of TTC, and DP's refusal to go for all the tests that I had to go through.

JumpingJackSprat Wed 26-Jun-13 12:28:32

So called friend : it fucking hurt when i realised you care far less about me than i cared about you. you showed your true colours when i moved away from everyone i knew and you couldnt even be fucked to text me or call me or visit me despite my effort. im going to delete you off facebook, not sure why i havent done it already. maybe im waiting for you to realise what you did and apologise. i hope someone does this to you sometime so you can realise someone you thought was your best friend is a shallow lazy bitch who needs to stop living in the fantasy world they inhabited at 15.

Extended family : please can we all start being honest with each other?

wonderingsoul Wed 26-Jun-13 12:37:29

to the waste of space

im done with trying to help you have a relationship with your children. it is not their responabilty to phone you, to write to you. i do not have to pay you for the privilage of looking after them.

i am done with the abusive emails. and fyi you did not save my life, and you where infact abusive. spending all the money on drink. calling me names. gas lighting me. hiding tablets in my food, pinning me and spittin gin my face did happen. i a m not just a bum on the dole, i do have friends and fmaily that care for me.
the kids will not suddenly wake up at age 14 and decided to run into your arms with out a care in the world after no contact at all.

i hate youand wish youd get fucked by a prikly catus.

i could say this to him. but it woudl get me no where, and besides i have cut all contact yesterday when i got his last delusional abusive email. by id love to say it to his face.

DeWe Wed 26-Jun-13 13:22:46

MIl: I'm worried about you. I think you have early signs of dementia. sadI'm not medical, but I've seen my grandparents with it. Repeating stories and forgetting timings are not you. Please go to the doctor and discuss it. None of your family will tell you because everything you do is revered.
Please also teach fil how to cook and look after himself rather than humphing and doing it yourself when he asks how to. Otherwise when you can't do it then he will need looking after. He can do it, it's just easier for him to pretend he can't.

Dm and df: The way I feel about db is mostly due to the way you pampered him. You were scared of telling him his behaviour was unacceptable so you asked everyone around to pretend it wasn't a problem. And you made him and everyone think he was a genius. it hasn't done him any good.
I get on fine with him now but it is not helped by you telling me exactly how I have to behave round him. I usually am going to do what you're pestering me to do, but I feel like not doing it when you're going on about it.

BIL: You are irritating. I know you think you're the bees knees and elbows, but actually your constant stream of bragging is just wearing and boring. And no, you're not a good uncle, so please stop telling my dc that you're their best uncle because you're not, and you haven't convinced them anyway.
You don't have to have everything better than dh and sil too. So far you've moved house three times and bought four new cars. All coincidently after one of your siblings has done so. It's pathetic really. And it's amazing how you just have to let us know with photos when you've done it-just so we can recognise your car, Actually we, and sil are happy with our lives. We are not jealous, so stop carrying on as though you think we are. It's the only time you contact us-to tell us what you've got we don't care.
And your ds is overweight. Entirely down the your parenting rule of must make sure he eats non stop to stop him pestering us. The fact the hv said he was, is not because she has to fill out forms. He is: 32lb is very heavy for a 1yo.
And next time someone asks us to pass something on for you. You can jolly well do it yourself rather than "forgetting" and asking dh to bring them over. Yes we only live 40 minutes drive from you, but have you forgotten the Christmas presents you were asked to pass to us that year we didn't have a car? We got them in May. And that was only because we borrowed a car and dropped in on you. Next time you can do the running.

HandbagCrazy Wed 26-Jun-13 14:15:21

To the world - When you ask 'now you're married, i guess you;ll be having babies soon' and then look at me like im mad when i say we're in no rush - we are TTC but i have problems and its taking a long time. So FUCK OFF so me and dh dont have to blush and he doesnt have to squeeze my hand to stop me crying

and to my neighbour - nobody wants to see your 60 year old topless body - put a t-shirt on to cover your disgusting beer belly!

youarewinning Wed 26-Jun-13 14:18:11

Dear Collegue. I have been extremely patient with you this year and DO NOT deserve you treating me like shit in return. I understand your mum is terminally ill, I have been totally supportive of you including telling you not to feel guilty about taking time off to take her to appointments etc.
I began working with you with an open mind - thinking others just hadn't given you a chance - and you know what? You DO have a heart of pure gold but your such a DL with zero people skills - think before you speak and stop barking orders at people and questioning what they are doing and why.
Do you think I don't know you slag me off at every given opportunity? I have ears you know and everyone keep me in the loop about what you've recently said.
I gather the information you gave me about the position/ job was to make a point? I didn't realise that when I interviewed for the position a an external candidate you had also applied a an internal one doing PT work and overtime when asked.
I DID know you had gone through the promotion process when I did a few years ago having secured a FT position - I DID know you had not got it but did not know or speculate why. <think I'm beginning to see it now>
And YES, I have since been promoted again and have now got a 'leader' position and yes you do have to listen to me when I speak - you DO NOT have to agree with my way of doing things but only have the right to refuse if I put you or the pupils at risk - which I DO NOT EVER.
I know your pissed off that I eventually complained - I was not the only one and did so because another collegue confided in me that they'd said something and said how sorry they felt for me putting up with it daily. I felt then I needed to say something to our line manager so they didn't think I was coluding with other collegues unprofessionally.
Strangely - I have defended you when other complaints from staff have been made about your conduct <within the area I have responsibility for> saying you recognise your weaknesses and are trying to work on them.

You spent the entire time our really DL collegue was with us sucking up to her almost to her bowel - yet always commenting on how you didn't agree with how she did things. Now your doing it even more she's left and telling her things about work <mostly crap or twisting things out of context> STOP IT. You know our other collegue told us that information in confidence, she said it was NOT to go further and explained why. So why tell our DL collegue who then told another collegue - hence it being back into the workplace out of our unit.

I appreciate your making an effort which is so obviously fake btw but it means nothing when your stirring more shit instead.

AND do you know what is the MOST annoying about all this? Your actually very good at your job when you get on with your job and leave others to get on with theirs. You have a great heart and there's no doubt it's in the right place but learn to realise you aren't the only one who cares, has common sense or opinion.

WOW - that felt good grin

MadBusLady Wed 26-Jun-13 14:31:01

Mum: go to the fucking Mediterranean FOR ONCE on holiday BEFORE YOU DIE and sit somewhere lovely with tumbling bougainvillea and a cool drink, PLEASE, rather than being driven round the same square fifty miles of Northern France every year and visiting all the fucking classic car museums. We will take you there, we are happy to choose somewhere suitable and yes, thoroughly investigate the toilets/food/car hire standards/supermarkets etc beforehand, we just don't offer because I can't take the emotional wear and tear of listening to all the little reasons why not you and dad will throw in the way, which basically amount to a FEAR OF LIFE.

Dad: Read the above and act accordingly.

Both parents: Please get rid of this strange and destructive idea that you need to worry about me and brother when we're single, and you don't need to worry about us when we're not. It is, when you stop to think about it for even one second, absolutely moronic.

Brother: I really want to see you more often, we're both a bit rubbish about keeping in touch, but there is now added awkwardness cos I feel I can't ask to see you without your (very lovely) wife. But I like us hanging out together alone sometimes, like we did as kids.

Babbadie Wed 26-Jun-13 14:34:07

Colleague 1: You are actually disgusting. I have seen you twice coming out of the toilet without washing your hands. I know you think it's unnecessary but you have just been holding your willy and have probably got a little bit of wee on it as well. Then you walk around the building touching door handles and computers etc. You are vile. You seem to take pride in the fact that your house is a mess and that your children are dirty. Why?! Please tell me why?! It's fucking revolting and not the sign of some hippy liberatedness- it's just fucking dirty. Don't ever touch me and stop making me feel like an idiot because I am ruthlessly clean. Using hand gel, washing my hands regularly and cleaning my house from top to bottom twice a week does not make me insane.

Babbadie Wed 26-Jun-13 14:40:40

DAunty: Your kids are failures. You and your DH worked really hard in your careers and you privileged education but you kids have failed miserably. One has got a school-leavers job for about £15,000 a year and the other is so average at life it makes me actually want to cry. So stop going on to my mum about how great they are- they're not and my mum fucking knows it. Also, being a grandparent isn't the most bestest thing in the world. I know you are just trying to make my mum feel bad because she will never be a grandparent. Stop it, you bitch. You're in your 60s so you should know better. Cunt.

RSVP Wed 26-Jun-13 15:38:06

DFIL: You behavior is appalling. You left MIL after 40 years for OW, yet you insist on controlling her life. Stop calling her ffs, stop dropping by and checking what she is up to. And what were you thinking when you left your washing for her to do the other day? And try to listen to what your DS is actually telling you for once.
Your girlfriend is disgusting btw. And don't even think to try and introduce her to your grandchildren.

pianodoodle Wed 26-Jun-13 16:52:55

PIL : I need to head home now so I can phone my mum and cackle about what you just said.

MrsLouisTheroux Wed 26-Jun-13 17:02:58

Soon to be ex friend: Your DD is a horrible, spiteful little cow. She is insecure and tries to make herself feel better by picking on others. She is two faced and knows how to turn on the charm. She tries to play people off against each other and is jealous and manipulative. She has hurt others many times and tells them that if they tell she will deny it.
She takes after you.

HoppinMad Wed 26-Jun-13 20:19:54

Dmil - you are one of the kindest, loveliest people I know, and I wish there were more selfless people like you in this world. But you really need to stop being a doormat

Dfil - you have social issues, are very quite selfish and inconsiderate, but you are good to me and dgc so I am same with you, but I wish you would treat dmil better

Dbil - I wish you would make more of an effort with your nephews, they dont even know who you are.

Dm and df - I love you both very much and I hope you are proud of me same way I am proud of you

Dh - pick your shit up off the floor and dont forget my birthday

Ds1 - stop your whining when you are tired or hungry or thirsty or bored or want something or dont want something, ffs it drives me crazy

Ds2 - please lie still and dont cry/kick/scream every time you need a nappy change, or change of clothes, or its time to eat, or have to go in your buggy. Seriously, its absolutely draining. I know you are a gorgeous little baby, but nappy change is the worst because you shit about 20 times a day, and I dont like it smeared all over the floor.

There, feel so much better grin

TicTakToe Wed 26-Jun-13 20:50:08

Colleague: there is no 'the' in the name of the place where we work; stop saying it.

Dick of a driver: did you see there was a green man for me to cross on the pedestrian crossing? No. Did you see that I was crossing before your turned and stopped a foot away from hitting me? No. Bet you didn't see the no left turn sign at the traffic lights where you should have stopped either, which is why it was green for pedestrians to cross, cos there should have been no traffic at that point. Did you see the primary school opposite? or know that there's another not far down the road? No? Do you not have your eyes open when you drive? Then start, because if you had done that half an hour earlier it wouldnt have been me on my way to work that you ulmost hit, but a kid on their way to school.

PPI Cliaims cold callers: if this applied to me, I would have taken you up on your offer 100 calls ago - piss off

kitbit Thu 27-Jun-13 08:47:29

DCat stop looking at me helplessly every time that massive spider jogs past you in the living room. If you don't know what to do I cannot help you and I am not willing to demonstrate. If it's still thundering around in there this evening you and I will be having words concerning felibe obligations and the current arrangement of regular access to the bickie box.

Pendeen Fri 28-Jun-13 00:48:05

Dad. Thank you for being so wonderful and kind and the best dad of all. I will love you always and cry whenever I think of you. RIP my dearest dad.

Mum. The best mum in the world and I'm in bits whenever I think of you. RIP my dearest mum.

Dear lovely gorgeous kind funny sexy DH. We never said goodbye, did we? DD and me waved you off that day, expecting you to come back that evening. To walk in through the door with your usual warm, cheerful "hello, hello, hello". To cuddle us and make our family complete.

Instead, they never found you. Lost in the storm, lost to the sea. Forever somewhere cold, dark. Laid to rest in the restless sea.

BootleTootle Fri 28-Jun-13 14:34:08

Dear K and E - you don't fool me, you never have.

You've been married for nearly 10 years, and yet you are still so formal and polite with each other. I never see any real warmth or affection between the two of you. I've never seen K's eyes light up when he sees you. I've never seen him hug you and kiss your hair. I've never seen you tease him, or giggle at his jokes.

Everything between you seems strained, and a bit sour. You never seem to spend anytime on your own together. You are constantly always with other friends, or visiting other friends, or having friends to stay with you. There never seems to be any quiet, comfortable time, just the two of you, enjoying each other's company.

It's funny how all of E's hobbies take him away from you, and that he virtually drags people in off the street to keep you both company. When DH and I visit E never wants us to leave, but we can see from your face that you resent us, and hate the fact that he enjoys our company more than he enjoys yours.

You seem to spend your lives buying yet another car, or booking yet another holiday, or having yet another room re-decorated, or having your garden re-landscaped, or buying a better TV, or a better mobile, or a better tablet.

I suppose you buy all these things to fill the huge gap in your lives where the love and happiness between you should be?

DH and I can't afford to be constantly changing our cars, or re-decorating, or having 4 holidays in one year. But, we don't actually need to do any of that because we're happy anyway, just the two of us chilling out.

I'd much rather be sitting in DH's (getting on a bit) Audi, laughing with DH as we sing along to the stereo - than be driving around in your brand new BMW with a DH, that I know (deep down) doesn't love me, and never really has.

BootleTootle Fri 28-Jun-13 14:39:56

T - I think you're in love with me. I think you have been for a very long time. I'm glad we don't see you that often, because your constant attention and intense regard makes me feel a bit uncomortable.

You never really do anything, or say much at all. But it's your eyes and face that tell a different story. But, I'm good friends with your wife and I can only think of you like a brother.

I'm very happily married to DH, and there's just no one else for me and there never will be.

But I know that if anything happened to DH I would find you on my door step within a matter of days.

OH: If you carry on obsessing about the tiniest bit of sugar that I sneak give to DS, I will confiscate your massive stash of confectionary and feed it to the neighbourhood children. Stop being an uptight hypocrite.

MIL: Please stop ringing me when you know OH is at work. I know you two don't get on, but I happen to fucking hate you as well, though I'd never tell you that because despite all the horrendous things you've done to OH throughout his life I still feel sorry for you.

Mum and dad: The reason I don't visit with DS is because your house is absolutely filthy and I am genuinely afraid that DS will catch something awful, though I do thank you for my amazing immune system having had to grow up with you. Clean out the six cat litter trays (for your 9 cats) and put a mop to the floor, the vacuum has an 'on' button, and no it isn't acceptable to rinse out cups and never wash them. The stain that lives in each one doesn't 'add flavour' to a cup of tea, you filthy people.

This is amazing, it's almost like therapy!

HenriettaPye Fri 28-Jun-13 15:08:50

Oh god if I start I won't actually stop. Totally in one of those moods today.

libertine73 Fri 28-Jun-13 15:49:49

Oh pendeen I'm so sorry love flowers

likesnowflakesinanocean Fri 28-Jun-13 16:02:32

mum, i miss you so much nothing is the same without you. you were my best friend and id of given everything to have you just a little while longer.

supposed best friends. you have been beyond shite just because i dont want to get wrecked you dont even bother to ask how i am. i havent seen anyone for months. im so miserable and lonely but maybe its better than friends who dont care.

ReflectingKites Fri 28-Jun-13 16:09:41

Pendeen I'm so sorry, that's horrendous.

LimitedEditionLady Fri 28-Jun-13 23:28:35

People who look in my window walking past-just pi55 off.What are you hoping to see?Do you want to come in and have and look around?DO YOU WANT A SANDWICH AND A BREW????

Tittypulumpcious Tue 02-Jul-13 19:07:36

Dear soon to be ex friend, I just found out what a rude bitch you were at my wedding, not only did you leave your 5 year old with our guests so you could bugger off for a shag 3 hrs into our wedding.

I'm sorry you didn't like our cake, our favours, your dinner, our venue or our non traditional but classic wedding but we didn't do it to please you incase you weren't aware it was our day you had your cheap shit wedding a few years ago, live with it.

Also my friend and I didn't invite you on our pamper break because we didn't want your company it wasn't a secret we were going and we don't owe you an explanation so piss off airing your opinions on Facebook. Ps your wedding was about you and you were happy and that's what matters. biscuitbiscuitbiscuitbiscuit

FCEK Tue 02-Jul-13 20:19:16

ex best friend - I miss you. There are lots of things I wish I could talk to you about right now but I'm also still mad at you and if I did try to speak to you, that anger will still be there and it wouldn't be the same. So I'm torn as to whether I should make contact with you or not.

My problems right now are things only you would understand, having been through them too, but I can't forget the number of times you cancelled on me, didn't text, and just made me feel very unwelcome.

Add to that the lies about being 'ill' and the stupid Facebook passive aggressive statuses which clearly referred to me.

I was right to stop contact with you but I can't help missing you too. At best I can hope these last 15 months without me has made you realise what a good friend I was to you.

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