to feel vaguely annoyed about the teacher's present collection?(178 Posts)
I have been collecting donations for my DC's teacher at school with another really lovely mum. She suggested that all the children should sign the card rather than just the kids whose parents had donated to the present. I think about half the class parents have donated, the others may be doing their own thing or not think teacher's presents are necessary. I don't have any issues with either of these positions. However....AIBU to be vaguely annoyed that the teacher, if she does her sums, might think the average donation wasn't much when most donating parents have given a fiver, and some even a tenner?
Oh god get over it.
Have the good grace to let all the kids sign and find something worth worrying about it
For what its worth, I doubt very much the teacher will be doing any adding it. She probably has a lot more interesting things to do.
And if your so desperate for her to know you donated a tenner, stick it in a separate envelope and sign it in capitals
The teacher won't care.
Let all the children sign it. It's a present from the whole class so the whole class should be able to sign the card.
Rita I didn't! But thanks for your advice! I'll go off and do something more constructive now
Teacher will, in fact, be more likely to cherish the card full of wobbly signatures longer than the present.
YABU the card is from the Pupils, the money is from the parents. A child who's parents are broke or forgetful still deserves to be included.
Anyway the logistics of handing a card round the DCs say you may sign, but your mum hasn't paid so you can't is just unworkable.
A collection is meant to be anonymous, that's the point.
RetroRita - you know us teachers love a well labelled envelope for money
Thank f* the other mum has sense
Any teacher that works out the value given per pupil wouldn't deserve a gift anyway. I doubt they would.
I can testify (adult ed) that the card is massively more important than the present. I got a crappy plant from one very marginalised class (homeless men) which I promptly killed (as I do to all flowering plant, they hate me) but I still have and treasure the card. Some literacy problems so I was extremely touched that they had all signed and written messages.
how petty would you like the children to inform the teacher how much their parents contributed too
Please say you're taking the piss?
If you're not, YABU.
Who on earth 'does her sums' on the value of a present v's the names on a card, it's a bit odd you've even considered it
How about you make a "my mother donated a tenner" badge for your child to wear to school so that the teacher can appreciate how superior you and you offspring are?
Freudian I'm surprised the OP hasn't suggested writing how much the parent donated next to each child's name in the card
YABU. If you wanted your generosity to be noticed, you shouldn't have gone down the mass collection route.
I just have a suspicion the teacher will be relieved to get away.
YABU. Not everyone is mercenary.
Perhaps you could give the kids different coloured pens to use depending on how much their parent's have contributed? The kids probably won't think to ask about the colours and will just assume it's so the card is colourful.
Then you can sellotape a key explaining what the colours mean on to the back of the card before it is presented - I'd suggest the following system:
£0 - blue pen
£0.01 to £1 - black pen
£1 to £3 - red pen
£3 to £5 - green pen
£5.01 + - gold pen
I would just let all the kids who want to do it sign the card. Teachers know how these things work I am sure they know who would have donated anyway.
And next time just give her a £ 10 gift voucher.
I HATE these all class donation things, what a way to make parents feel like shit if they can't afford it, or to get people's backs up if maybe they wanted to choose a thoughtful gift themselves, not just give a fiver for you to decide what to do with it.
Arthur I think the red should be used for those who contributed nothing - so it is glaring obvious
You're kidding, right?
Lance is right, she'll love the card far more than the present.
YABU to take up a collection in the first place. IMHO of course.
Its great when you have a lovely teacher,but speaking as an ex teacher, I don't give presents. If DD wants to make something that's great.
Good point Rita Or perhaps pencil - the poor man's pen - for no contribution?
I can almost guarantee the teacher won't be doing sums to work out how much each parent gave.
She will just be pleased to get a present, and if she's a teacher worthy of a present, she will prefer her whole class to have their names on her card.
I reckon the teacher probably knows that in collections people give a variety of amounts including zero.
Although I am now awaiting a thread from a teacher complaining about how few gifts she's received.
Is that an annual thread subject? I wasn't here last year.
This is the reason why I dread women with a huge sense of self importance, who I don't even know outside school, coming up to me, rattling an envelope under my nose and demanding money. I cannot afford to contribute to teachers presents and I know that I'm sneered at because of it.
Sore point, oh dreaded collections and snobby parents.
I know what. Why don't you donate double to make up for those parents in the class who can't afford anything?
There was a lovely thread the other day about someone anonymously donating enough to school for an extra child to go on a school trip, to help out families who couldn't afford it.
This is the EXACT opposite of that thread.
Yanbu. Our class does a collection every year which means that not every parent has the hassle of thinking what to buy but also the teacher doesn't get loads of
tat presents but instead gets a voucher. We all donate a fiver, there's no pressure or sneering if no-one wants to but actually most appreciate it being done. We give stickers to each child to sign to put in the card as getting everyone to sign it individually is a logistical nightmare. Also means that those that have paid get a sticker to sign
I never encountered this during ds's schooling so far thank God!
That's lovely for the children of poor or forgetful parents, QueenCadbury I bet they appreciate the simple and convenient way you have constructed to exclude them.
What an absolutely shit thing to do with children, cadbury. I hope that makes you feel good about yourself.
I wouldn't give to the collection, for the reason my children enjoy the time making a card and that is more cherished by teachers.
I think its Unreasonable some of the parents have chosen not to donate and still expect their children and themselves to take the credit to be honest. But they are children and its not fair they have tight parents, to them not signing the card will probably be a big deal. The best option would have been to get individual gifts if you wanted to be individually appreciated. I get this all the time at work, they send out a collection for leaving presents and the same people never put their hand in!
QueenCadbury, so a child whose parent doesn't have the wherewithal to donate to the collection is excluded from writing a message for the teacher in the 'class' card?
Good for you, for punishing blameless children and for sowing a seed of doubt in the teacher's mind: didn't that child feel they wanted to give a thank you message?; is everything OK in that child's home life?; are the family struggling in some way?. What a nice way to round the school year off.
Nope, I don't feel shit at all and neither do the other parents. It's something we've done for the past 3 years and if people want to opt out they can. The ones that do will get their own individual present. I don't personally care whether people donate or not but I like most other parents prefer to hand over a fiver and be done with it. It would cost me a lot more than that if I were to show my appreciation individually to the teacher and LSAs. There's no forgetfulness as we start the process weeks before and are all in regular contact with each other at the school gates or email.
OP just realised you described yourself in the OP as 'a lovely mum'
why do you assume it's tightness? Are you au fait with everyone's financial situation?
It's not a class card-it's a card from the children who have donated. Anyone else can sign their on card.
I guess I knew I was in for a flaming when I replied but I'm genuinely flabbergasted that some of you think that myself and other parents are punishing blameless children.
I don't get it, QueenCadbury You're saying that you see or have the email address for all the parents of all the children in the class? I don't think many schools are like that - at DDs school quite a few get dropped off by child minders, and picked up by them, or grand-parents or someone other than a parent.
I also don't understand why £5 is enough to show your appreciation if a group of you do it, but not on your own? If your gratitude is 'worth' more than £5, why do you only put £5 in?
I note you didn't address the point that some might not be able to afford it, either ...
I am shocked by the ignorance about some people's financial situation. To some people, £5 is a lot of money! It'll be part of the family's food money, or money for bills. Even in relatively wealthy areas you still cannot assume everyone can afford it.
I really hope some of the people on this thread don't have to find this out for themselves.
My DH is a teacher. He cherishes the handmade cards above everything, even the beers.
With the time and effort you put into these collections,you could spend time sitting down with your kids making a little something for the teacher. It would mean more to them and their teacher.
QC, don't you feel a bit sad for those children whose parents genuinely can't give though? Don't you want to give them all a sticker to write on, regardless of cash donation from parents? It's no skin off your nose if a kid with nothing to give puts a message in the card.
Oh and before you all think I'm a heartless bitch I would happily donate for a child that couldn't afford it to go on a school trip.
The class collection is just a chance for parents to collectively put our money together as a token of our appreciation. Why is it any different to buying individual presents and a child feeling left out because their parent didn't buy anything. Maybe next time we should get the parents to sign the stickers as it's from us rather than the kids. Would that make you all feel happier?
Last year my kids painted jam jars and filled them with wild flowers (mainly daisies, buttercups and weeds ) But I do think their teachers appreciated them. This year I'm going to do some shortbread - I don't really care if it's gets chucked in the bin cos I know some teachers don't eat home made stuff but I hope they'll realise that we appreciate them.
Do people really not eat homemade stuff? <Sighs>
If people decline to join in the collection then I have no idea whether it's through choice/financial constraints etc but that shouldn't stop me and other parents from donating and signing a card. No-one is made to feel bad about not donating. And yes, my dd often does make something for her teacher herself.
I'm totally behind you here, Queen Cadbury. Let the losers who can't afford anything go to hell. Certainly their children's blushes shouldn't be spared in any way. They should get used to being excluded for financial reasons. How will they learn otherwise?
Wow QC, so some parents might want to do their own thing, maybe even buy swanky posh showy gift for their Dc to present to the teacher, thats fine. But what about the child whose family is having to choose between spending that £5 on fruit and veg, or donating to the teacher, just so their kid is not left out. The teacher will be more aware than perhaps you are of who is in this position and yes, it IS penalising the children and making them a possible target for ridicule or being ostracised. How can you not see that? However, I also agree that if that child makes a home made card and writes a little message, along with a thank you from the parent, that will mean heaps more than any amount of vouchers, bouquets and wine. Really it will.
I'm sure teachers do cherish homemade gifts just as I would if I were a teacher but I hope that they also appreciate the gift that is essentially from the parents.
AT please tell me thats a joke!
Yes, they probably like the idea of the landfill fodder but secretly really like the really good stuff from the parents.
To be honest I'm a bit funny about homemade stuff when we get pressies at work. I know 'my' kitchen is reasonably hygenic but the people eating my shortbread might not
I don't think it's a stretch to assume that the only people who believe that being subtley pressurised into donating money are the people who organise the collections, and the terminally ineffiecient who can't be organised/arsed to sort a present. The majority of other people just feel slightly pissed off that uber mums with their email lists set themselves up as present monitors.
The teacher will not care one jot. As others have said she will love the card more tan te present
Course it is, Phantom. The whole idea of distributing stickers so that the proper credit for presents can be micromanaged is ghastly.
Not everybody likes to be asked to make a contribution - there are some very negative threads on here about it!
I know it can be really hard work for those mums who offer to do collections and buy the gifts, and I'm sure the teacher will be delighted with gift and really touched by the thoughtfulness and hard work put in!
I wouldn't give it a second thought, let all the kids sign the card, the teacher definitely won't be making sums. She will know not everybody will have contributed, of course (shell treasure a card with the whole classes names on! she will also approve of the fact that kids weren't excluded from signing card IYSWIM)
I personally don't go in for contributions but like to do my own thing (something my DD helps choose or craft)
Do you know what, QueenCadbury, I was a teacher, and I got some right old toot. I remember the tie I got from one girl in my form who I'd had quite a lot of run-ins with. That meant a lot to me. She must be in her mid-twenties now. Thanks for the blue tie, Natalie.
But the rest of it is just 'meh' - it's clearly from the parents, and it's just stuff, you know? Stuff I had to cart to my car and find a space for at home. I liked the cards, but if there were names missing, and I knew it was because of some system like you have, I'd be mortified.
And why should I be penalised by having money to not donate to get a present for the teacher?
Not sure I can make sense of your last post, QC.
If you value the teacher's input at more than £5, why don't you give more than £5?
After 3 years, I'm sure all of the parents in our class are able to say no if they don't wish to contribute.
at myself being present monitor this year. It beats hassling parents to help with the summer fair!
I think she wonders why she should be penalized for having loadsamoney to contribute by having to share the credit with, well, you know...
'And why should I be penalised by having money to not donate to get a present for the teacher?'
I don't understand ? In what way are you penalised? Is it because if you don't get to present the big present you don't get the glory ?
The more I read, the more I think if you're doing a collection then maybe just give them the gift and say it's from some of the parents as they appreciate her hard work. Let the kids make/buy their own cards or get one as planned and just let all of them sign. Teacher will probably get lots of cards that have been scribbled on the back of work sheets/colouring pages/scrap paper throughout the day if they are young children.lol
Ahhh - the poor people?
Lolling so much at ArthurSixpence's colour pen system to inform the parents of donations!!!
I hate the idea of parents feeling they have to buy the teacher a present. It should be optional if people want to, but all the cards etc in the shops make it look like you have to, like teachers expect it!
It's £5 because that what we all agreed on 3 years ago and everyone that contributes is happy. There's no guns held to our heads making us donate. We are adults and can say no. There's no bitchiness or sneering if people say no. Most are actually appreciative that someone in the class can be arsed to do it. And no, it's not just the same person. Whoever wants to can organise it. It may be different in other classes but these are the parents i've been with for 3 years and it works for us.
For goodness sake, we just want to get the teacher a sodding present. The majority of us can't be arsed to think about what to buy, we want to give a voucher for her to treat herself to something nice as well as all the homemade stuff that our dc may or may not give too. Is that so bad?
It's nothing to do with glory. Someone asked me why the people that can't afford it should be penalised. I just mean that I can afford it and I want to donate so I shouldn't feel penalised for doing so.
QC, I think it's the stickers people are mainly objecting to. The thought of them being doled out at the school gate to the chosen few. I have to say, a card full of stickers each with a name hastily scribbled on wouldn't mean that much to me.
It's a can of worms and I am glad the parents at DD's school
can't be arsed haven't started something like this!
If you want to 'donate' then buy your own present and stop asking other people for money. Because no matter how much you convince yourself otherwise, there are many, many presents, including those who CAN afford it, who resent being asked to contribute but who feel pressurised to do it.
The stickers are big enough for the child to write a message as well as just sign their name. Stickers or card, whatever. The stickers are just easier than trying to get all the kids to sign one card.
As I said it works for us, it won't work for everyone and maybe next year once dd is in a different class it'll be different.
We run the same system as QC except it is absolutely explicit that the sticker in the card and the donation are entirely separate choices. We try really, really hard to get all the kids to sign as we don't want anyone left out because of money. The mums who organise it all work in school, so we know the teachers would far rather have 30/30 children signing than a who's who list of who has money to spare. The kids have been doing it for six years, and are very good at personalising their stickers by now!
If, as a teacher, I were to get a card with all but one or 2 names signed in it, I would discretely get those children to come up to my desk individually and sign the card saying something along the lines of, "oh look X you forgot to sign your name, come and write it here for me so I can remember all the fun times we had while you were in my class. I'll miss you when you go up into Mrs A's class next year!"
Much to my later regret, I organised a teacher and TA collection at Christmas. A thankless, controversial and frustrating task.
I gave a deadline as to when people could give me their chosen amount. If they didn't wish to contribute then that was fine, I left each family to sort their own card as that is more personal.
But I made sure not to have a list that I ticked off each time someone gave me some cash.
I never kept track, and don't have a clue who contributed and who didn't. Nor do I recall how much anyone gave (except for one who gave a showy amount double what anyone else gave).
Ah well fakebook it's just as well I've only asked this once. As I said we all take it in terms to be 'present monitor'.
Of yes, whattodo we make sure to never write down what money has come in.
In the class I work in, I got a printed list at Christmas of which family had donated to my gift! It was awful looking at who was missing and knowing that some of them would have been so upset. I threw the card away, as it just made me feel sad.
and about all these collections, who exactly gets to decide what the money is spent on, and who does the presentation?
year on year our staffroom and headteachers office look like a florist shop. And half of the staff are jetting off on holiday within a few days. What a waste! All so some parents can be seen arriving with their "mines bigger/better/posher than hers" bouquets!
We do collections at school, the class rep organises it. Having been a class rep, I know it can be a thankless task [violins]
But I collect the money and then just randomly get people to sign the card, I have never checked if they've contributed or not.
And it does feel a bit mean to not let a small child sign a collective class card because their parents didn't contribute for whatever reasons.
This thread reminds me of the huge amount of moaning I have done in the last four years.
Year 1: I bloody well did contribute to the class collection, 3 quid each - the organiser left my DD off the card
I had also got my DD to decorate a lovely cloth bag - she did herself and the teacher. It was beautiful. The teacher put it to one side and never said thank you to DD who was heartbroken
Year 2: We all contributed a poem to a book which cost two quid each - a different organiser forgot to put my kid's photo in it
Year 3: Class plant two quid each and we lso did own thing.
Year 4: Organisers asked for 18 quid - yes you read that correctly - per person...So 400 quid in total for a bespoke photo of the whole class printed onto posh metal so it was a photo but like a 'work of art'
We paid it - I think most did - the teacher was awesome and lived and breathed the kids, will never see her like again.
And don't get me wrong - the photo took ages as two parents photoed each child individually in a makeshift studio - mine of course had head against hand in a bored expression then another parent spent hours putting them all together in a row then the metal itself was sixty quid odd
But four hundred quid? FOUR HUNDRED QUID?
it transpired the photographer/graphic designer etc were working for scale so some (do not know how much) went to them and the teacher got this class photo...
IWBU but all I could think was - we could have sent her to a spa/weekend away for that much rather than a posh metal photo of class of 2012 - and will she realise it cost 400 quid?!!!
as others have said she no doubt did not care and probably treasured the photo
look at our kids, they beat every other class past and future but I still ended up buying her something personal and getting DD to make her something - because I was worried she would not feel appreciated.
Bloody ridiculous I know.
We do a class collection.
Every child gets to sign the card, regardless of if their parents have donated or not, regardless of reason.
Anything less is not fair on the children involved.
As an ex teacher I would have hated parents to have a collection for me each end of year, and receive a card which did not have all the class on it. Not every child gave me a present at the end of the year, but I am still using mugs, magnets etc that I received 15 - 20 years ago. I astonished an ex-parent the other day by saying I used the ladybird mug her son gave me when he was 7. He is now 20+. I still have some lovely letters thanking me for all I did for their children. These things mean far more to me than a class collection.
My dh does most of our school drop offs and has been asked to donate to a class collection. I wanted our ds to choose a small gift to say thank you as I believe just handing over a fiver completely misses the point. If we can't be bothered to choose a gift and write a card ourselves then we are not really saying thank you.
Anyway my dh is now worried about offending if we say no to the collector and just wants to keep life simple and hand over the money. We did this at Christmas and didn't even know what was bought in the end - pointless!
I heard of one nursery class where, when one of the parents refused to contribute as she didn't see eye to eye with the teacher, the collecting parent marked the envelope "From all Class X, except Sebastian".
I understand the benefit of a 'sticker system' but why can't every child just be given a sticker to go in the card, whether money was donated or not?
I think the teachers know who the brown-nosing parents are, as does everybody else.
And do you know what they do at my children's school too? The class rep organises everything for the teacher (£5 contributions requested which is usually spent on John Lewis vouchers, how personal, not). Then someone else organises a secondary whip round to present the class rep with a bunch of flowers on the last day of the year.
I am just waiting for a third person to organise a tertiary whip round to give the second person a bunch of flowers too. And on and on ad infinitum.
I don't take part in any of it...just ask my child to make the teacher a home made thank you card.
Don't worry- the teacher will know exactly who gave the large amounts. You won't need to do any more to advertise it.
I think your system sounds horrible and divisive QueenCadbury, even if you are at a school where you know all the parents can afford to contribute it's still not nice to knowingly exclude some children.
I love what phantomamechanger said above about getting the excluded children to sign.
I did too, Sauvignon, I thought it was lovely of phantomnamechanger.
I wonder that an instruction doesn't go around to the organisers to say that they get every child to sign or don't bother doing a 'group thing' at all.
"Is that an annual thread subject? I wasn't here last year."
It comes in many variations on the same theme. It is a sign that the school holidays are fast approaching.
I'm feeling the need to thank the parents who organise class collections. I certainly couldn't be arsed to worry about it in the playground every day for weeks before the end of term, so I'm very grateful to those that do!
We like doing personal things as well, but class collection is just so convenient to many of us who contribute.
Collections for teachers should be banned, end of
I think that this whole think is OTT .. We have a whip round and this year we asked for 3 off everybody . With that money we have bought something for the classroom... At Christmas a puppet theatre and this summer a printer - to go with the classroom printer ,then the kids MADE a card signed by them all and we put a photo in of them. Over the whole year the parents have given a total of about £5 each child .Some families just can't afford it and the teachers have said they would prefer something for the clas so they can all benefit from it.
As an ex teacher I would have hated parents to have a collection for me each end of year, and receive a card which did not have all the class on it. Not every child gave me a present at the end of the year, but I am still using mugs, magnets etc that I received 15 - 20 years ago. I astonished an ex-parent the other day by saying I used the ladybird mug her son gave me when he was 7. He is now 20+. I still have some lovely letters thanking me for all I did for their children. These things mean far more to me than a class collection
I'm an ex teacher too and I agree with every word of that.
I also agree with helopoly A small gift made/chosen by the child means something: a class collection is divisive, impersonal, unnecessary and often ethically questionable. Teachers get paid to do a job. I don't see why a class collection is necessary.
Oops sorry for typos- to go with the computer !!!!
we used to have two lovely mums who collected a donation of your choice. after bunging in £5 a couple of times, I learned that they went round bad mouthing anyone who put in only a fiver. Lovely mum put in £20! After that, we did our own thing and when DS left primary we donated a book to the library instead!
I tell you what, reading this I am dreading DD starting school.
I think class collections only work if everyone agrees and contributes. If not, then those that contribute are left feeling that they shouldnt have bothered with paying as you can sign anyway and those that dont want to join in feel they have to as everyone else is.
I much prefer to buy my own presents, more personal and full choice of what gets bought.
Don't you want to be a self appointed adult Present Monitor?
I think most staff would prefer only cards or perhaps an enormous box of chocolates to the staffroom soon with a label saying "What a great year so far! Only x weeks to go, with thanks from the Smith family".
I did do a class collection, once, many years ago - can't even remember who signed the card/ donataed or whether the teacher liked it! Now I only bother with a gift if my DC actually ask if they can do one. My DS3 left junior school last summer and asked if he could buy his maths teacher a card and present - not his everyday teacher, and that's what we did.
I tell you what, reading this I am bloody glad both my DC have left school. When they were at Primary school they took something in on the last day of term that they had chosen individually, class collections never existed.
Small, personal and thought out gifts chosen by the child are all well and good but dd1 wants to give her reception teacher some pick and mix and a new pen.
I'm not sure her teacher would be that thrilled
I would value a card signed by all the children in the class much more than one signed by half of them. The amount of money does not matter either; the best thing I have (and still have kept) is a handmade card given by a child. I keep all the cards and can remember many of them but cannot remember the gifts - with one exception. A child who loves crafts made me a notebook cover and embroidered my name on it; she really worked hard at it and I really value it (and I never lose my notebook at work!)
Why do people still persist in giving teachers a gift at the end of term - I vowed to stop posting on these threads but it just annoys me so much .......... surely most teachers would actually prefer you do something - help with reading/join the pta/just something practical than yet another gift voucher/pot plant whatever.
I am currently trying to organise something for my TA as she will not be with my class next year
One of the children stated that we should have a minimum amount, and only those who contributed could sign the card. I soon corrected him and said that people should bring what they feel able and signing the card is not conditional on bringing money.
I would hate to think that any of my class were made to feel uncomfortable and I know some of my families are in real poverty. I tried to make mine understand this - if you only have a £1 spare, 10p is 10%, if you have £100 and give £5 is only 5% - the first person has given more. They seemed to get it.
Whistling bay - pick & mix and a new pen would make an awesome present
My son used his pocket money to buy five rather battered charity shop books for his teacher's book corner with a note that he learnt to love reading there. She welled up!
I think anything other than a token gift should be banned.
Gifts obviously from the children are lovely and thoughtful ones obviously from the parents are mainly showy thoughtless items chosen solely for financial value and are a bit wank really.
I told myself not to come back yet here I am. Sigh.
Why is it divisive? An email is sent round asking if you'd like to contribute the same amount each to a present. If so, you know where I am in the playground. I get given the money and in return I give a sticker. Simples. Some people will choose to contribute, some not. There's no chasing down of people who don't contribute. Out of those that don't contribute I don't know whether they choose to do their own thing or not. Even if everyone is given stickers they still may choose not to sign. One person organising a collection cannot be made responsible for all the kids ensuring that they either sign a sticker or make their own card or whatever. The present is handed to the teacher on an agreed date by all the parents as a token of appreciation. There is no big glory moment. If people want glory then they can contribute and buy their own thing. Our class chooses to get vouchers as the way we see it the teacher can choose something to treat themselves. We split the money so that the LSAs get something too and we buy biscuits/chocolates for the office staff and caretaker as we appreciate the part they play in the school too.
I hope that clears up that myself and the other parents in my class are not heartless/sinister or whatever else you may be thinking. We are just genuinely trying to do a nice thing.
Pick and mix and a new pen are an AWESOME present!!
My DCs do a card each year and they write in it what they have enjoyed most of all about having Mr/Mrs X about their teacher. We put in a £5 voucher for a book shop so they can choose a book to read in the holidays.
Truly horrid to think of some kids not being allowed to sign the card for such a reason.
It's divisive because people receiving the request to contribute don't all have the same financial means. It doesn't matter whether there's "pressure": those of limited financial means can do without having to deal with the situation.
I think it should be unacceptable for teachers to receive anything other than individual token gifts or gifts that can be shared with colleagues.
teacherandguideleader - She is quite adamant this is what she wants to give. I think I will feel the need to add a disclaimer 'chosen by dd' so the teacher doesn't think I am crazy!
<<parakeet Mon 24-Jun-13 18:51:40
And do you know what they do at my children's school too? The class rep organises everything for the teacher (£5 contributions requested which is usually spent on John Lewis vouchers, how personal, not). Then someone else organises a secondary whip round to present the class rep with a bunch of flowers on the last day of the year.>>
Is my dc at the same SE London school as yours, parakeet? I nearly choked when I got an email suggesting we all contribute £5 for flowers and wine to thank the class rep for organising the teacher's presents, organising one social, and passing on the odd email.
How do you get the email addresses? Because I absolutely sure that none of the 3 primary schools I have been in would give out emails to another parent!! 2 won't even give out class lists!!!
And I wouldn't give my email to a random person in the playground either - infact I doubt anyone could pick me out of a line up in this school!
For teacher collections, I can bare,y afford it. A fiver or a tenner? No chance of that happening. My DC like the teacher just as much and are part of an equal class. Why should they be left out because of financial reasons? A teacher will prefer havi everyone saying nice messages that only a select few, and blameless children being left out.
Small, personal and thought out gifts chosen by the child are all well and good but dd1 wants to give her reception teacher some pick and mix and a new pen.
I'm not sure her teacher would be that thrilled. But she will be thrilled. Your dd has chosen it. It is what she wants to give. I've been given a few sweets wrapped in a tissue and the look on the child's face as they give them is never to be forgotten. That is worth far more than gift vouchers. Teachers are paid enough and do not need large amounts of gift vouchers.
the email address collections are another new (and crazy) phenomenon. At the kids old school, the class reps hassled people with a clipboard at drop off and pick up, for email addresses and phone numbers. With a hard sell on how they 'needed' your details to keep in touch. Then they sent jolly emails inviting you to pay a desposit of £20 for the pleasure of going to a restaurant you didn't like, with people you SHOULD be friends with, just because your children are in the same class. The very best email was about a collection for a wedding present for a parent
Since we moved areas and moved schools a few years ago, we escaped the class rep madness, and have managed to stay fully involved and supportive of the school - going as far as volunteering with reading support every week for a group of kids, baking a thousand cupcakes for cake sales and giving teachers cute but messy and heartfelt home made cards.
I love gifts that have been chosen or made by the children. Pick and mix = great idea! The things I have kept gave been cards with messages from kid on one side and parent on the other, eg "thank you for teaching x this year; her confidence has come on in leaps and bounds etc etc". I was made a scrap book when I left one of my schools <sob sob> which had a pic of me and a note drawn/written by each child. Truly one of the most beautiful things ever!
No the teacher won't be doing sums... And if she hasn't got all signatures, just half, she'll probably think that's a shame!
Back to the original question..........as a TA I know that no teacher would do the maths to work out the average contribution. The teacher/TA would just be grateful for the gesture. Do you think the teachers opinion of a child/their parents is down to how much ,or if , they contribute?
I receive gifts every Christmas and end of year. I couldn't honestly say which children do and don't give me one. The best gift I have received was a huge hug from a very difficult yr 6 boy, I nearly cried.
Hi Awesome - no, I am in the London area, but not the SE. I wonder if this phenomenon (of the secondary whip-round for the class rep) is a London thing.
The PTA also gives bouquets to any "retiring" PTA chairs, treasurers or secretaries - paid out of PTA funds of course.
I think anything other than a token gift should be banned - totally agree with this, in most other professions it is not acceptable to receive gifts such a tokens etc (surely there is a tax liability on these anyway ).
Have you ever seen a school staff room - usually a box full of
crap gifts that are recycled for fund raising tombolas etc !
QueenCadbury, I think your attitude is appalling. I can barely afford to feed my children let alone contribute to a gift for the teacher. Thankfully it was the school fair recently and I paid £1 for the bottle tombola and got two bottles of wine - job done.
No doubt you will now be judging me.
Do you not see how wrong it is?
All the children should be given the opportunity to sign the card contribution or not.
How cruel and awful. And really which teacher will want a card which only the rich kids sign.
Your attitude has left a bleugh taste in my mouth.
Totally with the other teachers here who said they would hate a class collection.
All the parents doing this so the teacher doesn't get tat are massively missing the point. It's the tat that makes it special. It's the homemade stuff (and the odd bottle of wine ) that you treasure. It's the child who brought you in a small packet of their sweets or made you something unrecogniseable or collected a special shell for you - these things say so much. One present from a collection? Impersonal and lacking any thought, and unlikely to be anything you would choose anyway.
Luckily I teach in a very deprived school, so tat abounds! Those of you doing a class collection, I'm sure your hearts are in the right places but I'm equally sure it won't be what the teacher would choose.
I can assure you that the teacher doesn't care and is not counting names and dividing!! The only thing that would upset them is that some children have been singled out and not allowed to sign- what a horrible idea.
I agree entirely with musicposy- as a teacher I hate the idea if the collection which is impersonal. The things that I treasure are the homemade cards where the child has written their own message with something they wanted to say and not something dictated by the parent and the small cheap present that the child has thought about e.g. DS once gave his teacher a whistle because he knew he had lost his.
I much prefer the personalised homemade cards. I keep all of them, and scan them on to my digital photo frame that sits on my desk. I also love the things kids select themselves. One of my favourites is a little statue of a pyramid. It's cheap, gaudy and completely tacky. It was from one of my students with special needs and one day I was doing some extra tutoring and had made a comment about it being my dream to go to Egypt. Her mum apologised when she gave it to me, saying that she was absolutely determined that it was the only thing she could give me and wouldn't be swayed. I love that little statue, it still sits on my desk and reminds me of why I teach.
I swerve school collections although I could afford to put in.
This year DS(4) somehow remembered his teacher's birthday and proudly went in brandishing a fistful of
mostly weeds flowers from our garden. She had tears in her eyes. DH and I were so proud of him.
QC, the collection isn't divisive; the sticker system is, and deplorable. And if you can't see that already, you never will.
I used to work in a school. My best end of term present was a washbag which I used until it fell to bits. Lovely Freddy, Y6, and his lovely mother with the enviable curls.
I would be embarrassed if I got a whole class really expensive present that you sometimes read about- I would much rather have the pot of homemade marmalade, mug, flowers etc(although wine is nice!) one of the nicest was a shopping list notebook with a lovely wildflower picture on the front.
Oh, I 'm going to sent in a tin of chocolates next week as CaterpillarCara says. That's ace. And DD can sort out her own work of fleeing artistic genius at the end of term
I wouldn't know where someone was in the playground because we use wrap around care. I have no need with collections, but really, every child should sign. Otherwise you're teaching your children something a bit ick about present giving.
And I have no beef with...
A TA here...staff, in my experience,much prefer the children's homemade items,because it means that child has put some thought and effort into it. I would rather receive a scrawled thank you note on a piece of paper than some fancy gift,because it means so much more.
Every day children give me little pictures or daisy chains they have made,anyway, and I always make a big fuss of them. Its the thought that counts.
I organised a class present for DS's kinder teacher when he was 5. She was simply wonderful in that class of 19 boys and 4 girls . I collected whatever money the parents gave and actually all contributed but different sums. I did not bother to check. And got the teacher some vouchers to spend on herself. She was thrilled with the gesture but liked the poem I wrote for her on behalf of the class better!
As a former teacher (and one who is hoping to return to teaching) I remember receiving a lot of gifts and this was in secondary too. My best gifts were the cards and a 5 pound book voucher from a child who said I made her year bearable by being me . She had lost her mother and went off the rails a bit. But a lovely beautiful child. I still have that card and spent that voucher on a book that I still have. Oh and also some spangly earrings (!) from two lovely girls who noticed that I like jewellery. Sweet children.
I hate hate hate the idea that some children, through no fault of their own, will be left out...I think the sticker system is awful.
blimey i only got ds to make a card for his teacher when he left primary school. parents are crackers theses days, no wonder they're so stressy
I remember (this was fecking centuries ago) donating to a collection for my eldest's Reception teacher - a kind and zealous fellow parent organised it all and bought the present.
We gathered in the class on the last day - children all clutching their homemade cards - kind and zealous mum produced elaborately wrapped gift and the much loved teacher opened it, with all around craning their necks to get a good view.
Much loved teacher pulled out the most hideous Argos-stylee domed clock I have ever seen - all ghastly shiny brass tat and clanking dangly bits AND the dome was plastic.
The kids all cheered, sharp intakes of breath and winces from the parents -and much loved teacher's eyebrows went up her forehead and disappeared into her hairline as she gushed her thanks. She was a stylish, tasteful lady and would have almost certainly hated it.
It didn't really matter; the children thought it the best gift ever and the mum responsible had done all the collecting and donkey work.
It was shit.
I wonder if she still has it - or perhaps she knocked it off the mantelpiece when dusting one day shortly afterwards. Whoops-a-daisy.
One of my friends is a teacher and she has had the pleasure? Of teaching my DC three times. The class collection was used to buy her monsoon vouchers. She doesn't have much spare cash to spend on herself, and was delighted to receive these. I'm sure she would have been delighted with homemade gifts too, but I appreciated her honesty! What's not to like about gift vouchers for your favourite shop?
WTF is all this gift buying about? My dd is only 16 months so hopefully this trend will have passed by the time she is at school! I don't think we ever gave more than a card.
Can't you just write a heartfelt note to the teacher acknowledging if they have gone above and beyond? Or does it not count unless its said with John Lewis vouchers?
Seems like one up-manship about how "invested" you are in your child's education.
I'm another who thinks its a grey area ethically too. Especially in areas where teachers earn significantly more than the average.
Because vouchers for your fav shop set up expectations,one upmanship and place the children whose parents cannot afford to contribute in the position of being told that gifts only matter if they cost more than they can afford and thought does not count.
Its selfish and if you really feel the need to do it should be done outside of the classroom.
And when I worked for the LA caused a lot of pain in the arse paperwork and having to show you wouldn't prioritise the children belonging to the parents who did use gross displays towards you.
I find class presents unethical tbh.
MidniteScribbler, I've never said this before to anyone, but that's a really lovely post.
It's so nice to hear from teachers who say they like the homemade cards and a bit of tat.
When my pfb was in reception, I was the parents who did a collection to buy the teacher (and TA's) a voucher. Parents still brought in their own stuff anyway. I wasn't thanked for it and it was big hassle
Pfb is now in y3. For the past few years they have drawn and written their own card with their own message and we've left it at that. I sometimes feel a bit anxious when I see huge boxes of Crispy Creme, champagne and huge flower bouquets going in, but have brushed it off.
This year, dd has had the best teacher ever (for dd). I will let her tell her in her own words I think I be happy
You all know that the crass, gushy wannabe.teacher's.pet posters won't be back on this thread, don't you?
I really like reading about the fab personal gifts... 'fistful of flowers - mostly weeds!'
Horry, DS (who's 14) somehow found out he shared his Geography teacher's birthday, and took her some biscuits on the day
the big softy. Apparently she nearly cried as well.
> in my experience,much prefer the children's homemade items, because it means that child has put some thought and effort into it.
The best are definitely the homemade and the messages- the lovely ones are the ones the parent wouldn't understand because they refer to things that have happened in the classroom - in jokes etc.
Ones to avoid are anything produced specially to 'cash in' - ones with 'teacher' written on them.
I doubt the trend will die out, TarkatheOtter- my DCs loved choosing things ( nothing expensive) they also gave them to Beaver leaders, football coaches etc.
Well you lot have decided me...
My little darling is doing a wordle for his teacher... she is the most magnificent teacher he's every had so she deserves something a bit... well different!
And believe me... my son saying how he feels it definitely will be different
My dad got 'Pie' on his wordle for Father's Day
(And I will get her wine
because she bloody needs it after this past year and will write her a Thank You card)
We have the class collection thing and name on sticker in card thing. I haven't been asked to contribute for the past two years having upset the queen bee somehow (still not sure how but think it was just the very polite "thanks but DS has already made Miss x some cinnamon and vanilla body scrub"). DS didn't realise the first time but was upset last year when his was the only name not in the card.
School presents get way out of hand. When DS1 was in reception one of the mums bought the teacher a new dress for a Christmas gift!
I'd rather have nothing than a load of pound shop scented candles bought begrudgingly by harassed mothers...
What its a wordle?
When did presents for teachers start?
Presents for teachers has been going at least 30years- for those who want to- it is voluntary and you don't have to get anything!
My mum is a teacher who usually gets a voucher from the class. Obviously it's appreciated, but this notion that she will spend it on 'something for herself to remember the class' is bollocks. She usually forgets she has it for 6 months then the next time she's buying her undies or a food shop in M&S she remembers she's got a giftcard in her purse so might as well use that! Sometimes she gets a beautiful bouquet instead but ends up having to give it away because she's off on holiday. So despite being grand gestures, they're not necessarily revered in the same way. But she is, of course, grateful... and always eats homemade things (unless they look deeply suspect).
The cards, drawings and letters however get pride of place for weeks and aren't ever forgotten.
She doesn't mind tat either - whenever I go away I always know I can rely on her to help me out with travel-size toiletries!
LOL! You would love it where we live. We're expats and the DC go to an international school and I have three in the school. Each class has a class rep and the school asks if the class rep can use the email address they have.
The class reps emailed us a few weeks ago to organise the collections for teachers and TA's and the suggested amount was the equivalent of £25 per child. So that's £75. Then two of the classes got together to get a gift for the class reps as they have been brilliant this year (and I must say they have been and have worked so hard. ) So that's £15 for each of those. So we're up to £105 now and then there was a family who are moving to another country so we clubbed together for a present for the child and that was another £10. So £115 in gifts this year.
We've just presented the year two teacher, TA, class rep and leaver their gifts. An iPad, spa voucher and class picture in a personalised frame to the teacher. A necklace, earrings and bracelet set from a high end jeweller ( think Tiffanys equivellant ) and class picture in a personalised frame to the TA. A necklace from Swarvoski for the class rep. A Lego collection and clad picture in a personalised frame for the child leaving.
I'm guessing some families gave more than suggested and some less and some not at all. All children signed the cards and some also presented cards they had made.
Tomorrow we have my youngest's class and Sunday my eldest's . Oh! Joy!
I got a gift from a child the other day, she found a poppy growing on the school field and picked it for me - they are my favourite flower. It sat in a glass of water on my desk and made me smile whenever I looked at it
That means much more than a bottle of wine/box of chocolates/anything else because the child has seen it, thought of me and came back in from play specifically to give it to me.
That is mad Ranty! As a teacher I really wouldn't want that. I managed by spending less than £5. It really is the homemade cards with personal messages that are appreciated. The children love giving something personal and that is completely lost with the class rep thing.
It is like the dreadful whole class party where the child puts their present in a black sack and doesn't see it opened and then gets some computerised letter that is supposed to come from the child.
Much better for the DC to choose and see it opened.
I hate the idea where you throw money at things and leave out the personal.
Exactly Katydid- it is the sort of thing that makes the job worthwhile!
I have never given teacher gifts nor given to a collection. If my children wanted to do something they did - but not often.
I always give a card saying thank you for their hard work, or a more personal note if they have been exceptional - sometimes I send a letter to the head reminding her how lucky she is to have such fantastic staff
As a childminder I get lots of presents - wine and flowers mainly. However, the best ones are the totally random stuff that the children buy (or choose) themselves. One year I got a large bag of Walkers Thai Chilli Crisps because the little girl knew they were my favourite bless her and this year I got a silver BMW (model sized unfortunately) from a nearly 3 year old who thinks having a new car (however small) is the best thing since sliced bread
Does the class rep even bother to ask the children what they want to get? I very much doubt it.
exoticfruits - yes, exactly. I did not want to go into work that day (horrible headache and feeling sick) and was not full of the joys of spring at the prospect but I went in and her thoughtfulness changed it from a mediocre morning into a lovely one.
It is very much mad exotic. But, yes the children were asked and they suggested the iPad as they knew she didn't have one as she mentioned it in a conversation when one of the girls was telling the class what she had for her birthday and the other of kids were telling her what apps to get on it and they asked the reached what apps she used and she said she didn't have an iPad yet but was hoping to get one soon.
We are one of the poorer families as DH is a teacher in the secondary part of the school. He doesn't get gifts like that as there is the same culture in the upper school.
It is something that they were asked! Mine never gave presents in secondary.
Can I remind mumsneters (as I do every year when this subject comes around ) that the people who really do deserve your thanks and appreciation are the volunteers who help your children - the Brownie Leader, the Football coach etc. These are people (often parents) who give up loads of time and energy to do things for your children and yes, it grates on my nerve when people gush on about giving end of term presents to teachers but all the volunteers are forgotton about - last year when we gave our DS's coach a small gift (wine ) his eyes filled with tears as he had never had a thank you gift before .
Good post ragwort.
as a youth volunteer sometimes it is just someone bothering to say thank you, or the email/card after an event saying how much fun their child had which makes it all worthwhile,
great post Ragwort, I'll keep this in mind wrt DC's Cub leaders.
DH runs our local scouts group and no thanks or anything for that matter on the last day before the summer break.
We've just done my youngest ones teacher and TA. Teacher got a voucher for a weekend at a Spa in a 5* hotel and Spa products to use at home and the TA got a voucher so she can have some treatments at the spa and products.
Oh! And class rep got flowers.
Very very good point ragwort. My dsis runs several Brownie and Guides units through an international school (a fair few wealthy parent expats). She never gets a thank you and she even had to chase up the very nominal 'subs' for each term.
You've reminded me to get something small for our own Brownie leader.
To be honest, although I love the cards and keep every one of them, just the words 'thank you' would suffice.
My DD has just been excluded for a newsletter containing photos and messages 'from' the children along with one other child in the class, because I didn't want to contribute to the collection.
Not read all of this this so sorry if repeating but if you read the teachers present threads on here they all say the best thing is a card,even better with a personal message, so that should be from everyone.
A present is a bonus.No-one expects one.Most people recommend getting something for about £5 anyway.
Why do you care if the teacher "knows" who spent £10 and not £5.It is just a token of thanks.
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