To find people who like making a three act tragedy out of everything v annoying

(164 Posts)
arabesque Mon 24-Jun-13 13:38:36

One of my colleagues does this and she's getting on people's nerves. Last week her American cousin's husband died suddenly. Very tragic, obviously but my colleague barely knows her cousin and had only met the husband a couple of times. However, on Friday she wouldn't come to another colleague's retirement drinks because 'given her family bereavement it wouldn't really be appropriate and she didn't want to put a dampener on things'. I mean, FFS. Two colleagues have lost their fathers in recent months and she's making more of a fuss than they did.

Last year her mother had her credit card skimmed and this colleague went on as if the woman had been mugged at knife point, talking about how 'shaken up' the whole family were and 'you never really think it will happen to someone you know, do you'.

She took a day off work when her sister was having her appendics out (op in morning, home that afternoon) because she'd only be 'worrying and no use to anyone'.

AIBU to wonder how she will ever cope if she has something serious to cope with and also to feel that there are people in work with real worries and traumas and she should get over herself and stop being such a drama queen?

livinginwonderland Mon 24-Jun-13 13:41:45

I have a colleague like this. It's constantly "woe is me" and when something good does happen she still moans about it! It's really frustrating.

HoHoHoNoYouDont Mon 24-Jun-13 13:44:04

I have a colleague like this too. It really pisses me off especially when she gets to leave work early to attend to a family emergency which imo is not a 'real' emergency her mum getting a flat tyre on her car hmm - call the RAC ffs.

freddiefrog Mon 24-Jun-13 13:49:01

My MiL is like this. Turns everyone else's misfortune into a drama with her at the centre. Drives me nuts

kerala Mon 24-Jun-13 13:54:02

My ILs are like this. They treat any minor health concern of theirs as a solemn serious life changing event. Yet other peoples health problems are brushed over as insignificant. Example:

MIL: I have something to tell you <serious tone>. I have waited until FIL is not here. You may want to sit down. <DH and I sit down expecting some sort of cancer or heart problem>. FIL has......tinnitus. Am afraid we did actually laugh.

Yet when I had an emergency c section and prem baby they came to stay 4 days later and didnt help one jot and expected me to make them dinner etc. MIL was breezy about any post surgical ache or pain I had, forgetting I think that after her c section she had 2 weeks in bed hmm. Likewise when DH and I had norovirus at their house they ignored it and didnt even bring us a glass of water I had to do it in between chucking up.

arabesque Mon 24-Jun-13 14:00:07

Kerala that's the thing about my colleague. She's so busy making dramas out of nothing that she has no time for anyone else's genuine stresses and tragedies. I remember another colleague who I'm friendly with was finishing up in work for three months because she was having major surgery the following monday. Her dad had been rushed into hospital a few days earlier and nearly died (he did actually die about 3 weeks later), so the girl was stressed to bits worrying about her dad, worrying about her own operation and trying to leave things sorted in work. Yet drama queen cornered her in the corridor one day and started telling her how overworked she was and how exhausted she felt and how she knew that 'if I went to my GP right now he'd put me on a cert for stress straight away'. I don't know how my friend didn't put her fist through drama queen's face.

Pennyacrossthehall Mon 24-Jun-13 14:06:39

The other variant of this that irk me is people who post FB updates like "I can't believe this has happened." or "A tragic, tragic day for us."

Begging someone to ask what, and then start a chain of woeful responses. . . . .


FrankellyMyDearIDontGiveADamn Mon 24-Jun-13 14:15:09

I have a colleague who has to leave work early to look after her ill daughter because she's "worried about her".

Said daughter is 22, doesn't live at home and has yet to suffer from anything more serious than tonsillitis. She doesn't have any underlying health issues (I've known them both for 12 years) and is basically a lazy little madam who likes her mum to wait on her hand and foot.

Flobbadobs Mon 24-Jun-13 14:15:11

I deleted someone off FB for doing similar. A friends partner died very suddenly in awful circumstances and my friend was understandably devasted but being a quiet sort didn't really make any fuss, just tried to get on with raising their 2 children while dealing with everything else.
This other (ex) friend was weeping and wailing all over Fb about how she couldn't sleep or eat, couldn't stop crying, how awful she felt about it, how she missed him etc. even worse people were commiserating with her as though she had lost her partner!
I deleted her after seeing about 2 hours worth of histrionics.
YANBU, ot's bloody selfish.

FobblyWoof Mon 24-Jun-13 14:27:03

I have a "friend" who does this. I'm very shortly going to be cutting her out of my life. I just can't deal with it anymore, but at least I have the ability to do that and I don't work with her.


vintageclock Mon 24-Jun-13 14:30:18

YANBU. These people want all the fuss and attention that goes with being at the centre of a tragedy, illness or trauma, without having to actually experience the upset, worry, sadness or devastation that goes with it.

I know a couple of people like this; always making dramas out of minor events or trying to insert themselves into other people's tragedies. Very annoying.

DrDumbass Mon 24-Jun-13 14:36:07

I have a colleague who does this but I think hers is more about being needed. Drives me nuts. She will leave e arly because her mum has broken down and so needs someone to let the dog out, bearing in mind it takes her almost an hour to get home so surely her mum wouldve been sorted and let her own dog out in that time.
She is also taking two weeks off in a week or so as her sister has to have her "dodgy implants removed" so she needs to look after her and her two kids. Despite the fact her sister is married and has a husband who can take care of them and her mum and other sister live within a few minutes walk away and sahm.
Also recently her manager had been on holiday and she picked her up from the airport at 5 am, then dropped her off at home and then drove into work (about a 200 mile trip) and then sat in the office all "woe is me I am so tired had to pick x up, she had no-one else" I had been up all night with a poorly toddler and wanted to punch her.

bachsingingmum Mon 24-Jun-13 14:40:46

I used to have an employee like this. For whatever reason she had to be centre stage of whatever was going on in her large extended family. She took a day off once because her nephew's guinea pig had died!

Shellywelly1973 Mon 24-Jun-13 14:46:13

My mum is like this.

I hate it. I realised she loves a drama but some how it all ends up about her!

She's been 'ill' for years. I don't listen anymore. I hate ill people & have zero sympathy for ill people.

FasterStronger Mon 24-Jun-13 14:47:39

my dad died at home. a couple of hours later the funeral director arrived to collect his body.

My SIL acted like it was her DF who has died - and the funeral director expressed his sympathies to her as his daughter & she lapped it up.

I stood there open mouthed. She didn't like DF. he did not like her.

on the upside she is at least consistent and does think the world revolves around her and I steer very well clear of her grin grin grin

Guinea pig
Not even hers but her nephew's?!

jessjessjess Mon 24-Jun-13 15:00:42

Sounds like it might come from her family background?

Why was she allowed a day off work when her sister had an op?

TheCraicDealer Mon 24-Jun-13 15:16:09

My Dad had a double heart bypass in April- I went into work as normal, as did my sister and Mum. Honestly, she sounds like a ball bag.

vintageclock Mon 24-Jun-13 15:21:24

A girl I work with is still banging on about an operation she had on her knee five years ago. I don't think a day goes by that she doesn't mention it. It is also trotted out as an excuse not to have to stand around at events handing our brochures etc and to be given a nice cushy sitting down job.

Dawndonna Mon 24-Jun-13 15:23:21

Have a word with her.
The last time I saw a friend, an aquaintanceturned up. Now, everybody knew said friend was dying, she had a brain tumour, she'd recently given up the flower club and her babysitting voluntary work. We knew she only had a couple of weeks and this would more than likely be the last coffee not in a hospice. Aquaintance turned up and moaned like fuck about how difficult her very easy life was, how stressful moving home was (round the corner into my house, I was going elsewhere), and how difficult her spoilt brats were becoming. It was the last time I saw my friend out of the hospice and compos mentis, she died some three weeks later. I have never, ever forgiven that bloody woman.

Manchesterhistorygirl Mon 24-Jun-13 15:30:14

I have an acquaintance like this, she's always having a drama or a crisis and tagging onto people's grief so she can be the big person! I no longer have anything to do with her because her actions are abhorrent.

jeanmiguelfangio Mon 24-Jun-13 15:32:06

my ILs are like this. Drama Llamas the lot of them. They do my head in. Although I just smile politely.
After giving birth, you would swear that they had done the labour not me, at a week after birth, I was sitting on the floor in my own house with third degree tears because no one else could sit on the floor due to x,y or z. (dh also on floor as was baby)

QOD Mon 24-Jun-13 15:36:35

Oh now I've had this today, colleague in at the weekend with me, something happened n Friday and drama drama llama ... We discussed it, came up with what to do next and also sorted out a shift she had problems with.

Back into work today .... It was like the weekend hadn't happened, we had tears and trauma and hysteria. Honest to god, I don't know what would happen in a real emergency.

vintageclock Mon 24-Jun-13 15:48:53

Glad everyone's in agreement with me. Some people really need to learn that they're not the star of every soap opera in town and no, going around with doleful eyes because the next door neighbour's dog died does not make you a tragic figure; it makes you a right looking eejit.

vintageclock Mon 24-Jun-13 15:50:05

Sorry, meant to say glad everyone's in agreement (full stop). Just want to make myself the star of everyone else's threads grin.

FasterStronger Mon 24-Jun-13 15:54:22

that's fine vintage - you are the star - we are just bit parts in your show grin grin grin

(are you my SIL?)

vintageclock Mon 24-Jun-13 16:01:58

I actually feel a bit traumatised by that typo. Does anyone mind if I sit down for a minute? I'm sure I'll be alright in a few days but just coming on top of my cousin's father in law's death, and the man across the road losing his job, and my boss's friend's son being in a car accident, I just don't know how much more I can take <sob>

SnookyPooky Mon 24-Jun-13 16:04:53

My DM is a drama llama. There is ALWAYS something going on and she has to involve everyone and it usually drags on to the next drama. Very draining.

Well my drama llama has a poorly hoof. He may need to go to the vets. <waaaaails>

WorraLiberty Mon 24-Jun-13 16:09:18

YANBU. These people want all the fuss and attention that goes with being at the centre of a tragedy, illness or trauma, without having to actually experience the upset, worry, sadness or devastation that goes with it.

Exactly what vintageclock said ^^

It's a disgusting way to behave and the people who indulge their behaviour, without calling it into question are almost as bad imo.

<calls in sick to work>

doingthesplitz Mon 24-Jun-13 16:15:51

Oh, I know how you feel VIntage and Stealth. I've just had the most awful weekend. DS's best friend's rabbit died. We were still reeling from that shock when we heard that DH's uncle was laid up with a sprained ankle and then, as if we hadn't been through enough already, the woman down the road that I sometimes see at the bus stop died.
It's just too much. I don't honestly think I can take much more.

oh dear splitz. I hope your work have been understanding, and allowed you to drink tea and gossip all day.

doingthesplitz Mon 24-Jun-13 16:20:12

I actually couldn't face going in today Stealth. I just couldn't <gulp>.

TheBirdsFellDownToDingADong Mon 24-Jun-13 16:20:26

YANBU at all.

I have a group of female friends who, by and large, are fairly sane, but one or two of them are constantly "some random person related to me by the most tenuous of tenuous links has died. They were 112 and I'd never actually met them but IT'S ALL ABOUT ME ME ME" and then the others (who are nicer than me clearly) send them hugs and flowers and sympathy and I'm sat thinking wtf???? Or they'll post saying "I heard the other day that someone I haven't seen or spoken to for 35 yrs is dead and I am DEVASTATED!!!!"

Oh fuck off, if you were so close you'd be devastated, then you wouldn't not have seen them for 35 yrs would you?

FasterStronger Mon 24-Jun-13 16:21:16

worra - you could not communicate to my SIL that the world is not all about her. I have tried and failed.

I think if you are like that you surround yourself with people who collude with you so anyone who calls you up on your behaviour does not fit with your (self created) world view.

TheBirdsFellDownToDingADong Mon 24-Jun-13 16:23:09

The weirdest though was when one of them discovered that someone she had once worked with had been involved in a nasty national headline tragedy thing. He was the guilty one and she spent weeks feeling sorry for him because he was such a lovely chap.....--before he turned into an axe murderer--

TheBirdsFellDownToDingADong Mon 24-Jun-13 16:23:50

Strikeout fail in my crossness.

TSSDNCOP Mon 24-Jun-13 16:25:55

A woman I work with had an entire week off, full pay, when her pet died.

doingthesplitz Mon 24-Jun-13 16:26:00

I have a friend and when she calls around, even if you've just broken both your legs, lost your life's savings, and discovered you're the Queen's illegitimate daughter, she will still have much more drama going on in her life and we must spend all evening talking about that.

youarewinning Mon 24-Jun-13 16:27:43

I work with one of these. TBF she has got a family member who is seriously ill - but she just tags on to the rest of the drama for added effect. grin

This is going to sound awful but a friend once called me at work to tell me a mutual acquaintance had died. To put it in context I think she knew him (slightly) better than I did - I wouldn't have known him if I saw him in the street and had never spoken to him. Why she felt the need to call me at work I'll never know, she's not usually a drama llama. This was in the days of pay phones, so someone had to come and hunt me down to come to the pay phone.

youarewinning Mon 24-Jun-13 16:31:45

I use to live in the village and drink in the bar in Tenerife (at the same time) as the man who murdered the 2 policewoman. I recognise but did not know him

And I was a lifeguard with a person who was convicted of murder. hmm

By all accounts - I should never have to work again. wink grin

doingthesplitz Mon 24-Jun-13 16:31:51

There was a high profile case here where a man murdered his wife during a row. My friend from the post above had once gone on a date with him about a hundred years ago and now likes to talk about how 'she had a very lucky escape'.

ElectricSoftParade Mon 24-Jun-13 16:39:58

Reading this thread is making me feel a bit better.

I have a (good) friend who just seems to have drama around her all the time. But the biscuit has been taken lately and I have had enough of it all. It's just so draining and you know when you see her there will have been another tragedy/falling out/snub etc. Quite honestly I cannot be bothered anymore but still feel a bit of a shit for feeling this way. <mixed up and dramatic>

wem Mon 24-Jun-13 16:43:40

My mum once told me a story of how, in the last few days 3 different people she had spoken to had been in awful accidents recently (including her usual hairdresser and the person sitting next to her at the hairdressers), she wound up the tale with the words "I don't know how much more I can take..."

FoundAChopinLizt Mon 24-Jun-13 16:43:46

I know what you mean.

I heard of this man who knew a young girl who fell in love with a boy, but the two families were enemies, they got married in the end but they ended up committing suicide. He kept going on and on about it and eventually made a proper five act drama out of it.

Some people love to make a drama out of other people's lives.


PostBellumBugsy Mon 24-Jun-13 16:46:03

How do these people get away with it for so long? How did they start & who allowed them to get away with it?

I work with someone like this too & her bosom is constantly heaving & her eyelashes fluttering with distress & drama. She works in an open plan office & her dramas, always conducted at full volume over the phone, infect the whole office. There is not a single health (physical & emotional) detail about her extended family that is not known to the entire office. Drives everyone nuts.

At least once a month, she will have to go and lie on the sofa in the staff room with a blanket covering her because she is so overcome by some flipping drama.

None of them are ever serious either, all small incidents like her daughter in law wanting to go to her mother's for lunch on mothering Sunday instead of the heaving bosom's lunch or her own son having to go for a routine eye test or one of the grand children having a tummy bug. Blardy hell tis annoying.

curryeater Mon 24-Jun-13 16:49:32

I was a manager of someone once who came to me in tears because her car had been stolen. It was obvious that I was supposed to envelop her in hugs and then send her off, no questions asked, to do what needed to be done. I asked her how she knew the car had been stolen (because she didn't drive to work and it should have been parked at home). The police had recovered it abandoned and contacted her. How long had it been missing? She didn't know. She hadn't driven it for ages. She hadn't seen it for a while. She didn't have a driving licence and only went for a drive now and then with her sister. Now she was crying and hyperventilating. Never ever I have been more hmm at work.

curryeater Mon 24-Jun-13 16:55:23

I am interested in the dynamics of who gets to make their drama the top priority of a group, and who doesn't.

In my NCT group, we all had our first babies with varying degrees of ease or difficulty or whatever, stayed friends, supported each other through the stitches healing / establishing bfing / etc.

A couple of years later, many of us were having second babies. In the end all of us had had a second baby but two; one was pregnant, the other confided sadly that she had had a mc. The pregnant one had a long-ish labour and a CS, not her plan, she was going for a vbac. Still, good outcome, lovely healthy baby, happy mother. Yet perhaps because she facebooked through every contraction, it was organised to send group flowers in "sympathy" for what she had "been through". wtf? no one else who had had a shitty labour, or any kind of labour, had flowers, and frankly I had more sympathy for the stoical mother of one child who kept being nice about us all gushing about our new babies when she didn't have one of her own. how do these things work? What is the hive-think that appoints some people to bouquet-receiving status?

TheRealFellatio Mon 24-Jun-13 16:57:40

I know a few people like this and they get right on my fucking wick.


TheRealFellatio Mon 24-Jun-13 16:59:37

God I really must stop the swearing. Honestly I'm getting a mouth like a sewer. blush I don't swear this much in real life honestly - it's just something about MN that brings it out in me. It'e like having one of those squeezy stress relievers in your hand the whole time.

grin chopin. He sounds like a proper drama llama.

Elquota Mon 24-Jun-13 17:05:29

I knew someone like that. It was always all about her. This was the case with anything positive too - she'd get catty and jealous.

doingthesplitz Mon 24-Jun-13 17:15:36

I think, in a bizaare way, some people are actually jealous of people who have something difficult going on in their lives. All they see, as someone upthread said, is the drama and the flowers being delivered and the sympathy of everyone at work and they want to be at the centre of all that fussing and attention; but don't understand that along with all that goes sleepless nights, feeling absolutely miserable, huge life adjustments, exhaustion, dejection, etc etc. You can't really have one without the other. It's not like some soap opera where someone is bereaved in one episode and two weeks later is down at the Rovers as if nothing ever happened.

youarewinning Mon 24-Jun-13 17:21:12

It's just reminded me of another collegue the only ever pregnant woman in the world.
Her FB status is always something about how awful X was, how awful and vile someone is - never name drops though.
Off work with 'stress' after being signed off with an illness (not pg related) When off ill we sent flowers - as is the norm for anybody off for more than 2 weeks.

Resulting FB status about flowers? A huge picture and massive thanks to "those who did contribute" hmm It wasn't really what was said but the intonation of it.

needaholidaynow Mon 24-Jun-13 17:26:14

She probably wants to use it as an opportunity to get off work.

SamuelWestsMistress Mon 24-Jun-13 17:29:43

People like this do my head in. There are SO many about, it's terrifying. I think some people just like to be the centre of a drama because they are so desperate.

I agree with the FB status updates too.

"I can't believe what's happened to me, this is truly awful" usually followed by 6 people saying "you ok Hun? X" then no reply from the OP but a similar update several days later when their friends, cousin's, daughter's, teacher's, uncle accidentally dropped a pet hamster into a food blender while making water cress soup.

"omg never realised life could be so cruel"


SaskiaRembrandtVampireHunter Mon 24-Jun-13 17:30:14

I used to work with someone like this, she was very, very tiresome. She constantly talked about her 'serious heath issues', which included a tropical disease she'd somehow managed to catch despite never leaving the country in her life.

fishandmonkey Mon 24-Jun-13 17:38:11

wow i've never heard of sympathy flowers for a healthy new mum and baby. weird. some people just really seem to attract this and, like others have said, i just don't get it. i have a "friend" who constantly has "dramas" and people all seem to indulge her and i want to shake them all and say "how can you not see how ridiculous she is being?" she once started crying because she her son had had a growth spurt and she couldn't see how she could afford to buy him any new clothes. everyone jumped up and started hugging her. what is going on?

Bogeyface Mon 24-Jun-13 17:39:09

I have a story like this but its very very long!

In a nutshell the moral of the story? If you dont know a drama llama, thats because its you!

WafflyVersatile Mon 24-Jun-13 18:01:12

I've been signed off since reading about a mumsnetter's missing terrapin. I'm shaking like a leaf just thinking about it now.

I mean, he'd turned up again by the time I read the thread, but still you can't expect to just carry on as normal when something like that happens.

Spaghettio Mon 24-Jun-13 18:18:52

While my DH lay in ICU in hospital, he took a phone call from a friend who "couldn't possibly come to visit as he was so busy and upset as his west end show had been cancelled. He was so upset he wasn't seeing anyone (apart from all our friends)! DH said he understood, it was very sad.

When DH died 3 weeks later, he was the first to say he was so upset as it was so sudden and he didn't get a chance to say goodbye - and btw did you know his west end show was cancelled? So sad. shock

He's still the most self absorbed person ever! grin

Wahla Mon 24-Jun-13 18:26:37

Urgh there is a women in our PTA that I am unjoining very soon who does this. In the last two weeks alone her BF joined the army without telling her, she was in court giving evidence about a flasher, her BF's sister died in a car accident and one of her kids has been referred to an educational psychologist because he is withdrawn and 'emotionally disturbed'.

Not all of it is true but why let the truth get in the way of a good drama?!

My parents also loooove to be ill and never let a sniffle pass them by without milking it for all it's worth. Funny because they are very dismissive of other people's ailments as a general rule.

Spag, so sorry to hear about your DH. but as for the rest of your post you have to be making it up. Surely?

jessjessjess Mon 24-Jun-13 18:44:14

Meant to say I have a friend like this - she once updated Facebook to complain that she had burnt her tongue and didn't know whether to go to the doctor.

Some people definitely are jealous of drama. Or they assume your life is perfect if you're not doing the whole drama routine. I had another drama queen friend who actually ended the friendship because I wasn't sympathetic enough about her many problems and didn't call her enough to listen to her moan. She started screaming at me for not being a good friend. I was signed off work with depression at the time...

thebody Mon 24-Jun-13 19:00:13

Some people are drains sucking the life and fun out of everything and its all about them while others are radiators who flow with warmth and give.

In my experience those with the toughest lives are radiators.

AThingInYourLife Mon 24-Jun-13 19:15:18

"If you dont know a drama llama, thats because its you!"

Not necessarily.

I'm not a drama llama at all, but I seem to have a very high tolerance for other people's dramas.

I find being the centre of a drama so unappealing that it rarely crosses my mind that someone is making a massive deal about nothing.

This is a typical conversation in our house
Me: "Poor Myra (a good friend) has such terrible luck with her health. It just seems to be one thing after another."
DH (has known Myra for years longer than I): " hmm Myra is a hypochondriac you daft gobshite."


I'm the asshole who gives these people the oxygen of interest and sympathy.

I'm to blame. blush

FruminousBandersnatch Mon 24-Jun-13 19:15:27

Spaghettio that is awful, I hope you dropped said 'friend' like a tonne of bricks.

I had a boss like this. One day me and my colleague were sitting in the kitchen and she was saying how upset she was about her grandmother's death at the weekend. Boss came in and saw her face and said "what's happened?" When she found out she didn't offer sympathy or anything, just said "Oh when MY grandmother died I was SO upset. There's no way I would've been able to come into work."

lashesandflashes Mon 24-Jun-13 19:26:37

I have a sil like this. Stamps her feet all the time. Has one dc and hates the fact she didn't provide the first GC. My youngest DC fell ill at 6 weeks and was admitted to hospital for lumbar puncture etc. vvv stressful.

We live far from family but thankfully mil and fil were visiting and offered to stay on for a few days. They were meant to go to sil for a few days. Her response? Lots of feet stamping and cries of showing favouritism amongst their GCs. Breathtaking really. I think she revealed more of herself than she meant to. Words fail me.

I just pity her. Particularly since her DH is made of the same stuff. Incredibly vain and never a nice word to say about anyone.

VonHerrBurton Mon 24-Jun-13 19:38:30

I have a few friends like this. Yes, a few. We all turned 40 over the last couple of years. I've done a lot of thinking and talking, to some of the others one drunken night and realised that ok, we've been friends for years, 30, in some cases. But I reckon if I met these 'few' now, for the first time, I really wouldn't like them very much. Its all about them, their mid life crises, constant fb habit, tweeting absolute BOLLOCKS drama, drama, drama... Its just not me.

I need to move on.

kerala Mon 24-Jun-13 20:28:07

My ILs were at it again recently. Their son (DHs brother) suffered the worst thing a parent can go through (don't want to out myself but you can guess). What did MIL stress over and go on and on about? A minor medical procedure FIL MIGHT have to have. Necessitated ILs cutting short their visit and racing off home after the funeral offering zilch support to the bereaved parents. DH and I were shock and amazed how gracious BIL and SIL were I would have lost it. In the end FIL didnt need the minor procedure after all (a long solemn email was sent updating us AND BIL AND SIL!) about this. I think if I had received that email the day after my baby's funeral I would never have spoken to them again.

Spaghettio Mon 24-Jun-13 21:27:03

I swear it's all true!

Unfortunately he has continued on in the same vein - he's a proper drama llama (especially as he's and actor/director!) still, so we don't see much of him. He's always been self absorbed, so we (all our friends) just kind of accept it as his way - if it really pissed us off we'd tell him. Don't think it would do any good, but it might make us feel better. grin

Manchesterhistorygirl Mon 24-Jun-13 21:27:15

I actually do live in the village where the female police officers were murdered and said acquaintance managed to get on the radio about it! hmm

Dippyeggsrock Mon 24-Jun-13 21:42:44

My SIL had 2 years off work when her Dad died- yes it was a sad time but 2 years!! - I had 5 days of when my Dad died!!! shock

parakeet Mon 24-Jun-13 21:47:09

Oh please, someone give us some more of this, I love it.

I am not friends with any drama llamas. Not because it's me who's the D.L. In fact I pride myself on my stoicism. It's because I have an extremely low tolerance for it.

PoppyWearer Mon 24-Jun-13 21:51:56

My former best friend (she's still a friend but I keep my distance) was like this.

A family member of hers had died when she was a child. Clearly an awful thing to have happened, but everyone who ever met her was acquainted with this fact and it was used as an excuse for all manner of things. She wore it as a badge of honour.

Another mutual friend had experienced a similar tragedy growing up. Very few of us who knew her knew about it, she told people as she saw fit, or when it came up.

Friend 1 expressed surprise when, after knowing friend 2 for many years, she finally found out they had both lost the same family member at about the same age. I think friend 1 said something like "but she never told me."

Well, no, she didn't. She probably couldn't get a word in edgeways whilst you were banging on about your own tragedy. Again.

Our friendship drifted when she told me how hurt she was when I hadn't supported her through something she was going through that she hadn't told me about whilst she was at the other end of the country. In spite of the fact that I was attending my beloved grandmother's funeral at the time.

ElectricSoftParade Mon 24-Jun-13 21:57:59

OK then! Before DS was born we knew he would need surgery. We live in Sussex and I had him in London. He was in NICU for nearly 10 months before we could, finally and happily, take him home.

MIL came to London once. She needed a new bra so decided shopping in London was a good place to do it and thought she would "pop in to see how he was doing". She then told DH and I she didn't want to bother seeing him as it upset her. Then she went off to buy her new bra.

Apparently she told the doctors and nurses how to treat DS and they took notice of her as they had not thought about his treatment that way. hmm x infinity. Quite how she managed this from the cafe downstairs is beyond me. DH was completely floored by this and still cannot speak about it.

ReindeerBollocks Mon 24-Jun-13 22:02:20

I knew a bitch of a woman who said she was jealous of all the attention I recieved for having a 'sick' child.

I did the right thing by cutting the toxic cow out of my life.

Dawndonna Mon 24-Jun-13 22:11:07

Another one.
Having been informed that I was in hospital bleeding heavily when 13 weeks pregnant with my gorgeous twins, my mother phoned, insisted upon speaking to me and told me that my stepfather's sister whom I had never met (didn't in fact know he had a sister) had died.
She apparently wonders on occasion why I don't speak to her.

MrsDeVere Mon 24-Jun-13 22:16:56

I love this thread.
It makes me feel part of something.
I thought it was just me.

reindeer that woman needs a good kicking.

I have seen so much of this drama llama bollocking bollocks it all sort of blurs into one big blob of annoying crap.

I have developed a silent klaxon that goes off inside my head whilst I nod and smile, nod and smile on the outside.

tis very handy.

OhThePlacesYoullGo Mon 24-Jun-13 22:22:38

I've got a friend who is a bit like that. She came to visit me in ICU and opened with 'I've just got such a headache today...' hmm

OwlinaTree Mon 24-Jun-13 22:33:34

It's the ones that have always had it worse than everybody else that get me.

me - dh has come off his bike.
drama llama - my neighbour came off his bike, he had 4 months in hospital, oh it was terrible we had to walk the dog for 4 months and his garden was in such a state, he was never the same after that and the burglary as well, took all the tiles off our roof, we had buckets everywhere I tell you.
me - eh?

I have a friend like this too! She really seems to get off on death or tragedy and tries to make them about her.

My sisters call her the grim reaper!

She also loves going to funerals!

HollaAtMeBaby Mon 24-Jun-13 22:40:22

Has anyone ever successfully confronted/silenced a drama llama?

I notice not one of you has asked how my poorly-hoofed drama llama is!
(He's an alpaca actually but likes to keep that quiet)

Gossipmonster Mon 24-Jun-13 22:48:42

My SIL is like this.

She tried to get my OH taken off a Nuclear Sub (on patrol) because his Auntie (who I didn't even know existed) and he had never mentioned was dying.

She also gets drawn in to a lot of FB guff/photos about people who didn't have abortions and went on to have an amazing disabled/non disabled child.

And is ill ALL THE FUCKING TIME!!!!!

Pimpf Mon 24-Jun-13 23:05:49

Was wondering the same holla. Some of theses are really shocking, I'm amazed that you've never said anything

jessjessjess Mon 24-Jun-13 23:28:03

Holla it's not possible - it just gives them more fuel because your confrontation = drama.

Oldraver Tue 25-Jun-13 00:02:25

I had a neighbour like this. She ended up having more time off work as she kept being sent home for being 'distressed' AND had councilling through work, when MY dh died

onetoomanytoo Tue 25-Jun-13 00:10:29

i have a female relative like this,

she never has a period, its always an eptopic pregnacy, every month!
a cold is never a cold, it's bubonic plague,
a head ache is a suspected brain tumour.
she had a MAJOR hystorectomy, as opposed to a what, a minor one?

she had ovarian cancer, but never had surgery or any other form of treatment for it,

when my mum was laying in a hospital bed, just having had a huge op on her back, said relative was crying all over her, we thought it was concern for my mum, oh no, it was because her boyfriend of a few weeks had dumped her.


the topper, this little gem :

my husband was in itu, having just undergone 17 hours of surgery to remove a massive tumour, i got a text, asking me to phone her, when i called her back, it was to be told that she was so worried, the reason, her child had nearly had to have micro surgery on her finger after she cut it with a knife.

this person might realise i have talked about her, if so,, happy to be outed to have got some of that off my chest.

Nonalphamum Tue 25-Jun-13 06:45:35

curryeater I actually stopped seeing my NCT group because of that kind of thing. One woman was full of drama, nothing was straightforward for her. Whether it was pregnancy (normal niggles like we all had), birth, PND. And the others were all totally taken in by it and swarmed around her, offering help and telling her how wonderful she was, all the time.

Final straw was when I mentioned I had PND only to be told I was 'lucky' as it wasn't as bad as X's PND. X actually had a private psychiatrist, so I think they more or less told her what she wanted to hear, hence giving her more 'dramatic' things to talk about.

lolaflores Tue 25-Jun-13 08:00:51

You have all met my mother obviously. Or have Irish relatives? I can hear those phone calls;
ME "hello"
MOTHER "guess who died, guess who has cancer, guess who killed themselves...actually just guess....TERRIBLE ISN@T IT
She inveigled her way into the room of a young man who was dying (actually in the physical process of passing away) she knew the family a bit. She had nothing but contempt for them, but she thought that they might need her, you know.
ONe event I would love to witness is my mother coming through the door with a smile on her face.
A woman I had met at DD's school, her son is in DD's class and both were put on a little extra help for phonics. HOURS she spent on about it. When I tried to express my own feeling, she actually said it was more important for her to talk and rant as he is her first child. My eldest is 20....
She is in the rear view mirror

lolaflores Tue 25-Jun-13 08:01:44

I did end up telling her she talked shite all the time and her permanent state of martydom was tedious.
I did, I really did.
Working up the balls to say the same to my mum

MumnGran Tue 25-Jun-13 08:12:35

kerala ..... my heart absolutely went out to you & BIL when I read your post, as experienced it with my own M when my son died.
The drama llamas are more toxic than they will ever know (self analysis not being a strong point!)
Going NC works well.

meddie Tue 25-Jun-13 08:23:29

We have a girl at work like this. Has hysterics every time she hears of a death that has any tenous link to her.
ie old next door neighbour from 30 years ago, Son of someone she says hi to in the shops, friend of a lady from church (who she has never met).
We get the quivering lip all day and the sad cat from Shrek face every time you look at her. not to mention the constant FB updates about how she cant believe whats happened and she can barely eat with the distress.
What boggles me though is the number of people who fall over themselves to offer hugs and sympathy and feed her attention seeking.

lolaflores Tue 25-Jun-13 08:27:24

MumnG am trying NC too, moving to Texas for the summer. How is it going for you?

MumnGran Tue 25-Jun-13 08:30:01

Mine died eventually.
<<senses terrifying drama llama overtone, and runs to hide>>

doingthesplitz Tue 25-Jun-13 10:39:07

I knew someone who treated her MIL appallingly and basically sold her home from under her and dumped her in a long stay hospice centre. When the poor woman eventually died the DIL was there, walking behind the coffin with big red eyes from all the sad weeping. Myself and my mum ignored her and just sympathised with the rest of the family.
I remember someone actually telling me once that it's often the family members who were the least interested in visiting the person when they were alive who becomes all dramatic and inconsolable at the funeral.

acheekyvimto Tue 25-Jun-13 10:59:20

Well I've dumped a drama llama today, she put a post asking people to give reasons why she should keep them as a friend on facebook.

I asked her why she should remain on mine, when all she does is put passive aggressive shit and moans about how hard her life is constantly, you give her advice and she ignores it. She never gives anything back. So pointed out a few of my problems that she has never helped with, inferred that autistic DD is something I can do something about and went back to her problems.

Blocked and deleted.

EugenesAxe Tue 25-Jun-13 11:29:11

Fellatio grin. Your testimony made me laugh; someone like me.

Oh no! I've brought the subject back to me!

Well, I think everyone likes relating things to their own life, and can have a tendency to respond to a story or news with something similar that's happened to them, but I agree there are some that just seem to take it to the next level. Also in some circumstances you'd just know to shut up (unless you genuinely think you could help) - bereavements, serious illness etc.

My best friend and I have a mutual acquaintance that's like this and BF is saying the onesidedness is becoming too much for her... which is saying something as she's godmother to one of the children.

Leos. They often seem to be Leos.

YouTheCat Tue 25-Jun-13 11:35:47

My ex mil

Whenever anyone was in hospital she'd never visit them (even family) because she doesn't like hospitals. Then when people die she goes to the funeral, all teary, and makes a huge fuss, even for people she hardly knew.

When my mum died very suddenly, I got her in tears telling me 'I'll be your mother now' hmm This was literally an hour after I found out. I was still in shock.

YouTheCat my MIL was in hospital terminally ill for 18 months and her 'best friend' never visited her once because it was 'too upsetting'. Poor MIL, before she lost the ability to speak, used to ask when her friend was coming to see her.

After MIL died we were subjected to huge amounts of fuss and drama and woe-is-me. Unbelieveable.

YouTheCat Tue 25-Jun-13 12:08:21

Yep, exactly that.

Ex mil will also be best buddies with someone and the minute they get ill (she is old so her friends are also old) she will drop them like a hot brick and move on to the next poor sod.

EldritchCleavage Tue 25-Jun-13 12:24:22

What is the hive-think that appoints some people to bouquet-receiving status?

Oh curry I wonder that too. No drama llamas at work, fortunately (not any more, but the one we had was a humdinger. Flew off the handle and stormed out of meetings while we all sniggered).

My sister is a good drama llama wrangler. Barks practical questions aimed at finding a solution to the drama until they completely give up.

My mother is turning in to one of these nightmares (I suspect it's my stepfather's influence, as he is both a malingering and a vampiric drama llama). She keeps phoning me up to tell me about the tragic life events of people I don't even know. At first I used to get worried when the phone call started 'I've got some bad news' but now I really don't expect it to be in any way relevant to me.

Even better than this she somehow manages to bask in the drama herself while still expressing judgement about those actually affected. For example, her friend's son has some kind of cancer so she can talk about he awful it all is while still making references to his lifestyle. hmm

I just tune it out now.

becscertainstar Tue 25-Jun-13 12:32:15

My DM is developing more of these tendencies as she gets older. It's made worse by her false belief in her own psychic powers. She sometimes phones me with: 'Becstar, something terrible is about to happen to you! I just got this feeling, and I'm so upset! It's awful, I can barely breathe.' "Right Mum, any specifics or just the usual nameless dread?" 'No, it's something awful though. I can tell. I'm very psychic you know. I'm going to have to lie down, I'm so upset about it." and then DF has to make her tea in bed. So she gets sympathy for something awful that hasn't even happened and was going to happen to someone else anyway.
Ooh, it felt good to get that one off my chest. Drives me properly nuts...

MrsDeVere Tue 25-Jun-13 12:35:24

I am a bit better at shutting my main Drama Llama up.
But I will never, ever be able to do it properly.

She tried to get me involved about being really upset when someone we both disliked died. This person was very, very old. My DL had spent my entire life telling me how awful this person was and effectively preventing me from ever having a normal relationship with her. I was bought up to hate her.

Then she died and I got sad phone calls. They were too much to bear.

So I just told her 'you never liked her, she was horrible and she got 80 years longer than my DD so what is the problem?'

<sigh> It felt real good.

EldritchCleavage Tue 25-Jun-13 12:38:23

'The usual nameless dread' would be a fantastic user name!

MonstrousPippin Tue 25-Jun-13 12:38:46


I have an ex-friend (she just got too much to deal with) who's sister sadly suffered a miscarriage and obviously my ex-friend was devastated at this fact and was very sad. This in itself is obviously a sad occasion and she got some sympathy for her family's loss.

However, every year since, the 'anniversary' of the miscarriage has been some sort of occasion of woe for my ex-friend (note, the miscarriage was her sister's!). We've had such things as "don't you know what day it is?" and her not being able to go places or do stuff because she is totally devastated about the death of her sister's baby.

Meanwhile, her sister has actually gone on to have a healthy child (who must be about 3 by now) and is getting on with her life. Un-fucking-believable.

Arabesque Tue 25-Jun-13 12:48:05

Thanks for all the responses. Glad I'm far from the only one who finds this behaviour irritating.

My drama llama colleague has been looking sadly out of the window for half the morning. The reason being her mother has been told she has cataracts and will need to have them treated in a couple of months!!

I had a close friend who fits this category. Every high profile disease would become hers. She had cancer (never treated), MS (never treated and mysteriously vanished), a brain tumour (ditto)

She would also pretend her small daughter had been diagnosed with things. In fact we bonded over discussions about a life threatening congenital problem that my child had two operations to correct. Whereas her daughter's went away all by itself and was never mentioned again.

She once claimed her NT three year old had Down Syndrome and spent the afternoon having hugs and sympathy from her friends while I sat back and watched in horror. The newly revealed DS was mentioned again...

My fave, and the one that really showed me how messed up she was, was when I had an incoherent, sobbing phone call from her asking me to come at once.

Her auntie had died after a short term illness. The family had, she told me between sobs, kept it from her because because they knew how badly she would take it. I felt terrible for her because she was very close to her aunt and, indeed, I had had coffee with the woman a couple of days before so was quite shocked myself. So I made tea, cleaned the house, walked the dog, picked up the kids.

The tears went on all day but little details began to niggle at me so I eventually, after a whole blinking day running around. carefully asked her if we were talking about Auntie X. Oh no, she said, it was Auntie Y.

I didn't know you had an Auntie Y, I said. That's because I haven't seen her since I was six, she replied. And now I never will, wail wail...

We aren't friends any more but her FB page always gives me a chuckle wink

And, as someone said earlier, she was very proud of being a Leo. So make of that what you will.

curryeater Tue 25-Jun-13 13:55:21

I am rubbish at challenging people like this.

I had a friend who lived with her mother when we were friends at school, her dad was not on the scene and she told me a variety of lurid tales about him.

As adults she told me once in a "DUR DUR DURRRRRR" way with much build-up that she had heard he had died. I gave her a ton of sympathy as I thought it must be a head fuck to hear your estranged dad had died.

we didn't see each other for a while.

Next time I saw her she built up to the evening with a lot of stuff that made it very clear that the night was to be all about discussing her big drama. On the night, once again she was all "DUR DUR DURRRRR" and the big reveal was..... her dad had been trying to contact her!

I didn't know what to do. I somehow didn't dare to say "so, not the dead dad? some other dad?" It sort of made me feel weird and frozen.

Now I never know where I am with her because every time she says "I had a sandwich for lunch" I think "HOW DO YOU EXPECT ME TO BELIEVE THAT?"

becscertainstar Tue 25-Jun-13 14:05:32

grin curryeater brilliant!

TheRealFellatio Tue 25-Jun-13 14:13:54

I have had a few friends pull tricks like that curry. I must admit I do go for the slightly more passive aggressive 'so, no the dead dad? some other dad?' with a carefully cultivated facial expression which is just the right amount of quizzical/confused but nonchalant and casual, without a hint of cynicism or exasperation. grin

The thing is, these people are so thick skinned and self-absorbed that even if you did a full on hmm at them they wouldn't notice.

FruminousBandersnatch Tue 25-Jun-13 15:23:53

curryeater that reminds me of a friend of mine who lived with a DL for a while.

My friend's grandmother, who she was really close to, died and my friend was very upset. DL flatmate sulked at the sympathy my friend got.

The following weekend, DL went into friend's room in tears and told her her grandmother had died. My friend comforted her, made her some lunch, talked with her etc.

The next day when DL had calmed down friend said "so ... will you be going to see your family then? When's the funeral?"

DL awkwardly said "oh, well I spoke to my dad, and it turns out she's not dead. She's sick, but she should be okay."


TheRealFellatio Tue 25-Jun-13 15:33:02

Oh my god. confused Weirdo.

Pollydon Tue 25-Jun-13 15:51:02

Hmmm, my IL's refused to visit me iin hospital when I was in for 5 days with salmonella.
The reason ? Step mil was too worried about her sis who was waiting for a Cataract op.
Ds was 6, dd was 2, dh was working full time & doing all housework\shopping\cooking\*every hosp visit.
Dmum was Ddads carer & did what she could.
Ils turn up the day after I'm discharged & sit there waiting to be served. Scales fell from dh's eyes !

FoundAChopinLizt Tue 25-Jun-13 16:19:43

Some of these people are like real life trolls, making stuff up for attention.

It puts me off ever mentioning things that happen to me. Partly because people like this feed on the bad stuff, or it makes me one of them, or if it's good stuff in my life, I'd be boasting.

Consequently my drama llama friend thinks my life is perfect because nothing ever happens to me.

MrsDeVere Tue 25-Jun-13 16:24:07

I had my DC4 a year after my DD had died after a long and horrible fight with cancer.

So it was obviously a bit on the emotional side.

My DM and DSis came and visited to see baby. They had stayed at a relative's house. First thing DM said was 'relative sends her love but just to let you know that she hasn't come because it would be just too hard for her' <head tilt>

Whaaaa? Hard for her why and how and anyway why the special effort to tell me? I had just given birth and was in a blur. WTF would I care about this relative who I had not seen for years?

She was the same relative who asked my mum (who gleefully obliged) to pass the message on 'Relative says to let you know that she is standing by to be be tested for a bone marrow match'

Not terrible you might think. But this DL has been a nurse for 30 years and would know that she had about as much chance of being a BM as my dog did.
She also uttered the immortal 'you do KNOW we will do anything at all to help don't you?' and then we didn't see hide nor hair despite her being our nearest family member. Didn't see her in two years hmm

digerd Tue 25-Jun-13 17:37:25

I think the reason people fall for the drama llama's lies embellishments, is that the DLs are skilled conwomen/actresses. The sympathisers are sometimes genuine kind hearted people and others revel in the drama.

I have known only the subtle , skilled manipulative DLs and the latest was just recently and is a 69 year-old married MAN who revealed himself as a real patheticdrama queen. I thought for years he was a really nice chatty manhmm

YouTheCat Tue 25-Jun-13 17:51:41

I have met many, and varied, Drama Llamas over the years. Some of them were quite malicious. Some were just worthy of ridicule. Some of these people were friends for a while.

I just won't tolerate this kind of shit any more. I like having no DLs grin

GoEasyPudding Tue 25-Jun-13 18:13:40

It's an odd phenomenon that's for sure.

My family were going through a very tough time indeed with my adult brother and his SN. There was a set of very complicated and upsetting situations and events to deal with. I kept it to myself at work until a friend asked directly. I told her some things that were very difficult to talk about, but kept it brief and didn't get upset. She said something like, "Well, my friends, have some friends and their toddler died and that's really sad isn't it?"
I was like eh? Yes, a toddler you don't know sadly passing away does indeed trump my current worry and concerns - you win. Didn't say this of course.

My MIL, again on the same subject of the problems my brother was facing regaled me with a long, never ending story about someone she knew, who knew someone, who knew someone who had something similar but they were ok really.

Jolly good. All is well with the world then! I tend to keep stuff to myself now.

Pollydon Tue 25-Jun-13 18:24:48

The thing is that when faced with a real problem the drama llama's can't cope, because real problems are shit sad

margarethamilton Tue 25-Jun-13 18:29:02

My usually quite normal MIL is turning into a DL. But has a specific 'thing' for cancer.

For example, if someone she knows has been to the doctor with any ailment (headache, sore foot, stomach problem, lump or bump) you always get the same comment: "Well they're trying to rule out cancer".

Me: "Have they said it could be cancer then?"

MIL: "No but they're trying to rule it out ".

She'll then spend ages telling us how worried she is about X because if their 'cancer scare'. If people knew she was talking like this!

Worst was when FIL had a well man check up and was phoned back to go in and have a further test. We had MIL on the phone crying that he had cancer. He just needed a rectal exam and they'd not done it first time round!

Kiriwawa Tue 25-Jun-13 18:43:12

I used to work with a woman who took 2 days off work because her DP had caught his cock in the zip of his jeans grin

Overreactionoftheweek Tue 25-Jun-13 18:50:23

I'm a Leo you bastards! I feel persecuted now, can't believe you're all ganging up on me.

this is the WORST thing that has ever happened sad

seriously, my heart goes out to those of you having to deal with awful events and these stupid twats on top of that.

p.s. all my DL friends are Virgos!

Pmsl at "so not the dead dad then"

YouTheCat Tue 25-Jun-13 19:10:32

Also a Leo. grin

The ex mil is an Aries.

cherrypez Tue 25-Jun-13 19:33:41

youarewinning I had a boyfriend years ago who was a lifeguard and went on to be convicted of murder...what was the initial of the first name of your colleague?

youarewinning Tue 25-Jun-13 21:07:19

cherry Can't remember because not being a DL I've mentioned it until now wink
It was about 1995/6 though! Down Sarth England (beach lifeguarding)

fabergeegg Tue 25-Jun-13 21:19:29

My mother is like this. Everything is about her 'pain'. Here's a good example. I'm disabled as a result of having a child. I've watched (and been very grateful) as DM has done many of the 'fun' bits of babycare like beach walks in the afternoons and popping into town with DD in the buggy. Even taking DD to the doctor's (at my request) seems to be enjoyable wee jaunt as she always sees people she knows and everyone praises her to the heavens. Meanwhile I go stir crazy with cabin fever and pain and DD prefers DM because she likes the action. The other day, I was talking about something I was finding difficult and DM said dramatically, "I pray you will never have to know the pain of watching your child go through this."

cherrypez Tue 25-Jun-13 21:31:11

Oh no youarewinning this wouldn't have been the same guy he worked in a swimming pool...what is odd is that the time frame and area is the same...weird!! starting to feel drama llama ish

youarewinning Tue 25-Jun-13 21:47:49

He may have been a pool lifeguard too!!!!! I only trained with him and hung out at the beach - I was 15!!!

I'm pretty sure his name started with a G?

Either that or there's an army of murdering lifeguards out there hmm


joins in being a bit of a DL!

youarewinning Tue 25-Jun-13 21:54:21

Found it! The murdered man started with a G.

Bogeyface Tue 25-Jun-13 22:28:01

Ooh freaky about the lifeguard, seems a bit too coincidental!

Weird what come out on here. I was on a thread about a year ago, similar to this but about more sinister liars, and it turns out that the person I had mentioned was currently working with another MNer and still trotting out the same stories. We sent lots of back and forth PM's and yep, it was her! She has, amongst other things, been lost in a poker game by her husband and so had to live with the winner, and played Magenta in Rocky Horror several million times in the West End under her "acting" name that funnily enough never comes up in google searches of the cast. Yeah...alright.... grin

FruminousBandersnatch Tue 25-Jun-13 23:19:06

Two murdering lifeguards in the South of England?!

<runs towards the Scottish border, screaming dramatically>

waterlego Tue 25-Jun-13 23:25:09

Ahhhh...brilliant thread.

I had a friend at university like this and, as well as leeching on other people's genuine life dramas, she also used to use the word 'trauma' liberally and seriously when talking about very trivial problems of her own, e.g. Her hayfever; her student loan not having come through on time; her printer not working. I wish I was exaggerating but, no, every day was the same: 'All right X? How are you?'
'Oh...don't ask, I'm having a complete trauma...'
And she really did want and expect lots of sympathy for these traumas, but any offers of practical help were usually rebuffed along with excuses as to why they wouldn't help, so that she could bask in her trauma a bit longer.

Also, the people who always have a worse story than someone else are known as 'black catters' as in 'my cat's blacker' smile

jessjessjess Wed 26-Jun-13 00:20:56

Oh I met a black catter recently. She actually interrupted me to say: "Oh well that's nothing..." followed by some story I didn't listen to.

The DL I dropped had apparently had traumas including her DP not being able to get a day off work and her guinea pig hurting its claw.

MeSoFunny Wed 26-Jun-13 00:34:14

Yeah, but to be fair, tinnitus does blow (noisy) goats.

vintageclock Wed 26-Jun-13 11:15:52

Black catter is a brilliant phrase. I must remember it. I have a friend like this. No matter what your story, she can top it. When my mother was seriously ill in hospital, she was very worried about her mother's bad cold because it could so easily turn into pneumonia and they'd have to call an ambulance so she knew exactly how I felt. When I had my womb, cervix and ovaries removed she had recently had a d&c (but it wasn't really a d&c it was 'more serious' than that) so she knew exactly how I was feeling. When her sister was in a nasty accident, she had recently fallen and broken her front tooth so she knew exactly how her sister was feeling.
No one is allowed be going through a worse time than her. It's the law, apparently!

pinkballetflats Wed 26-Jun-13 12:01:40

My DM...oh dear god. Whatever is going on in your life she has to trump it somehow. She completely ruined my wedding ( well in fairness, I did for getting it get to me)

She seen to have gotten better...or maybe Imo able to tune it out now...

Some of these examples on this thread are astounding, and some have make me properly chuckle.

Any more for anymore?

becscertainstar Wed 26-Jun-13 12:48:21

This thread is briliant. I'm so glad that others notice this and are irritated by it - in RL I'm always so dumb-founded that I don't often call the black catters on their nonsense as I'm just speechless. (excellent name for them, hadn't heard that before!)

I just remembered a colleague years ago who said that it was alright for me as I'd lost three stone in weight with meningitis but she was really STRUGGLING with her diet, and then she burst into tears with the unfairness of it all. Sob, sob, it's so hard, sob, you don't understand, it's alright for you, you're really skinny now and you haven't had to diet at all...sob, sob. (Yes I was indeed very skinny at the time... that'll be the life-threatening meningitis. Soooo much easier than dieting.)

Oh and my DM again. It's like that Peter Kay thing - you phone her up and straight away it's 'Guess who's dead.' Followed by 'It could have been me. It's really shaken me up.' 'How could it have been you Mum?' "Well, she's two years younger than me. And you know I've suffered with FAR worse [insert medical symptom] than she did. And now she's dead. I'm terribly worried. I should go to the doctor. But I hate going to the doctor, you know that.' (That poor doctor, she's down there every week. For someone who hates going to the doctor she's remarkably quick off the mark with booking her appointments.) Of course it wouldn't do to mention that since this person died of whatever Mum is allegedly suffering from this time perhaps they did in fact have it worse than her... Or <whispers> perhaps Mum never had it at all....

Nonalphamum Wed 26-Jun-13 13:47:33

What I find with Drama Llamas too is that they feel the need to document their whole life on Facebook. Whether it's about their latest ailment, of which you will get 1000 updates a day, or if they just popped to the shop for a pint of milk.

pinkballetflats Wed 26-Jun-13 14:30:50

Constant cryptic FB updates drive me potty

youarewinning Wed 26-Jun-13 14:40:14

yy to cyptic fb posts like -"I give up" and "VILE, some people are just VILE; I'm shaking with rage" and "I feel on a downer as last week I was looking forward to my hen on the weekend"

No 1 - no you don't, your just pissed off you didn't get your own way
No2 - change the record - we know who your talking about and you seem to publically announce enough to how your not entirely innocent in it all
No3 - errrrr, your wedding?

Like pointed out DL announce so much of their lives even a cryptic FB status you know exactly what they mean grin

TheRealFellatio Wed 26-Jun-13 14:47:03

I loathe cryptic attention seeking status updates that hint of drama and upset but never deliver. They hugely piss me off.

Either tell us, or don't FFS - so childish!

Oscalito Wed 26-Jun-13 14:50:05

oh my mother is like this. She's some kind of hospital/drama addict. She barely saw my sick cousin but then she went into hospital and suddenly she was constantly visiting (even though my cousin didn't even know her that well).

She was there for the night my cousin died, went home in the early hours then went back to the hospital at about 3am after she'd died. I don't know why.

She then stalked around in dark sunglasses and went on about how 'it seems like so long since life has been normal...'. She barely knew my cousin, and really didn't need to be there at the deathbed. Not to mention the fact that my cousin had a small son, a father, sisters.... it was like some kind of competition to be the most upset, the most involved, the most saintly. Really grim. I just hope my cousin didn't feel intruded upon....

Oscalito Wed 26-Jun-13 14:53:31

God, even the other day, I went round and she was all excited about some magazine article she'd read and she was going to go out and buy the book when it came out later on in the week. I was quite impressed at her excitement and very keen to hear about the article, only for her to tell my about was about bloody pedophiles in the church. Who gets so excited about something like that??

catinboots Wed 26-Jun-13 15:01:22

Grief Whore

kerala Wed 26-Jun-13 15:05:54

Thats awful cat!

The only time my ILs ever show any enthusiasm or interest in anything is when something goes very wrong on other peoples holidays. They are very flat negative people but on hearing of cruise boats capsizing or virulent food poisoning they kind of come alive. When that poor couple got taken hostage by Somalian pirates MIL would keep bringing it up particularly as she was of the opinion that It Was All Their Own Fault.

I have a couple of family members who continually post cryptic/passive aggressive status updates of the 'you can't break me, no matter what you do' variety. It's incredibly tedious.

What annoys me more is that idiots other people respond to this attention seeking crap with 'what's happened hun xxx'. They'd eventually stop doing it if everyone ignored them. People of FB: do not rise to their bait!!

Shodan Wed 26-Jun-13 15:38:00

My DM is a DL of the highest order, but truly believes she is not.

So we're always hearing about the constant, dreadful pain she's in, or the terror she's feeling, or the misery of being an unappreciated excellent mother/friend/daughter/wife, or about her 'long-running feud' with her next-door-neighbour, which drains her- but five minutes later (after being ignored or listened to with a polite smile) will declare that she never tells us about the afore-mentioned pain/terror/misery.

And then to cap it all, she's a black catter as well, so a conversation will go thus:

DM: How was the birth? (this is an opening gambit- she pretends concern but is really just waiting for her chance)

ME/DSIS: Well, it was ok. Bit sore, you know.

DM: Really? I thought I was going to die when I gave birth!!

ME/DSIS: Really? All six times? (eye-rolling)

DM: Oh yes. I was in utter agony! Honestly, I've never said so before, but I really thought I was going to die!!

and so on, and so on...

vintageclock Wed 26-Jun-13 15:39:48

People who do it in person are really annoying as well:

DL: Oh, NOO.

Everyone ignores her


Everyone ignores her

DL: I don't BELIEVE it!!!

Everyone resignedly: What's happened.

DL: I've left my PHONE in WORK!!!

Ah yes - I have a drama llama in my life as well. I ignore & do a lot of changing the subject. And y,y things that happen outside her family are nothing, while anything in her family is the worst possible tragedy. It's very tiring.

QueenStromba Wed 26-Jun-13 22:05:50

Oh yes. The housemate who moved in and told me about the horrible text messages she was getting from her old housemates because she took a laundry basket that they claimed was theirs. She then constantly dropped it into conversation that she was a witch and that she'd spent most of her childhood in a wheelchair. After about 3 months of living there she went ballistic at me via facebook because I always got home late and made loads of noise. If she'd mentioned to me once that I was being noisy when she was trying to sleep I'd have made more of an effort to be quiet - I stupidly just assumed that since she'd never mentioned anything and I'd never heard anything from her room that I wasn't making too much noise.

She then accused me of all sorts of crap and had her boyfriend ring me up to threaten me. She also claimed to have turned everyone in our local against me. Our landlady and my other housemate both wanted her to leave but we couldn't get her to go so I had to leave instead. I had to sleep on my mate's sofa for a month before we could get a place because I was too scared to sleep in the same house as her. After I came to get my stuff she started a campaign against me because she'd decided that my casserole dish was her's. I had to tell her that I was about to change my number because she was still texting me several times a day about it two months later.

I was supposed to put up with all of this crap from her because she had bowel cancer as evidenced by her cutting her hair short.

QueenStromba Wed 26-Jun-13 22:11:35

And she also had coeliac disease despite sometimes eating pasta which meant that she could eat our food but we couldn't eat her's in case we got gluten in it.

FoundAChopinLizt Wed 26-Jun-13 22:17:42

Yes, thanks to the poster who introduced 'black catter'. Brilliant.thanksthanks

Anything to add to my mental armoury when dealing with the DL in my life.

Dubjackeen Wed 26-Jun-13 22:43:59

Love the 'black cattery' description, must remember that. The thread reminded me of an ex-colleague, who was perpetually in the throes of a drama of some sort. I remember one time, another colleague's dad died. He had been in hospital, but died quite suddenly, and due to hospital error, the family were not contacted immediately. So they went in, to visit, and were naturally very shocked and upset to discover that their dad was dead, and that they had not been there, and not contacted, even after it had happened. My DL ex-colleague immediately started holding forth about how SHE would feel, if it happened to HER. I gently reminded her that it had just happened to another colleague, and we should be thinking of her, and doing whatever we could to support her. shock

ToomuchIsBackOnBootcamp Wed 26-Jun-13 22:49:58

I also like the analogy earlier in the thread about how some people are drains and some are radiators, brilliant.

bootsycollins Wed 26-Jun-13 23:08:20

Grief junkies

Dubjack - what did she say?

I'll admit to being a bit of a drama llama about "oh no I've left my phone in work" or "oh no, run out of milk". I am a creature of routine so the small things upset me!
I hope I'm not a drama llama about the bigger stuff though - I have a fairly undramatic life, am very grateful and would quite like to keep it that way.

(Whoever mentioned meningitis though, I also had a weightloss comment after meningitis. Saw a friend for the first time having nearly died and she said "I hope you're not going to pile it all back on again". I was shock)

oooh just noticed that "nearly died". I did, honest, or at least I think I did, I was unconscious for most of it and I didn't like to ask my mum the details after...

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