to think this invite is just a bit too much?

(30 Posts)
Andwhatif Sat 22-Jun-13 23:36:36

Name changed for that, just need to have a good rant. Xbf cheated on me (which I didn't know until a few months after we'd split up). I knew the woman, they always seemed friendly but I'm just clearly naive.. I even invited her for his 30th! We both moved on fast. I met someone, have a baby now and couldn't care less about him/them. He has never been in touch after break up, slightly awkward sometimes as we have mutual friends etc. They have a baby too (he was either very premature or conceived while we were still together). Xbf, like I said, has never been in touch. The woman though, has been a couple of times. First, she invited me for baby shower (?!?!). Then called me to let me know when the baby was born (even more wtf). Now she phoned me to invite me to 1st bday party. Now, don't get me wrong, I wish them all the best and have no hard feelings, but would you ever attend? Or AIBU and she's just trying to be nice?

IneedAsockamnesty Sat 22-Jun-13 23:40:17

That's weird just ignore.

HollaAtMeBaby Sat 22-Jun-13 23:41:27

Do you have any children with your ex?

BOF Sat 22-Jun-13 23:41:35

Ignore.

dubstarr73 Sat 22-Jun-13 23:41:44

No i wouldnt go and id tell her to stop contacting you.As teh saying goes keep ypur friends closer and your enemies closer.Shes obviously insecure.

notafan0fy00 Sat 22-Jun-13 23:42:05

Sounds like she was most happy when she was nicking someone else's man. Now she's got him, it's not so fun anymore. She wants you back in the picture to recreate the drama. Give it a wide berth. He'll do the same to her as he did to you pretty soon.

Andwhatif Sat 22-Jun-13 23:42:06

No, he never wanted kids (with me anyway).

ChippingInWiredOnCoffee Sat 22-Jun-13 23:43:40

How odd.

Did you know her independently of him or just through him?

I'd probably say something along the lines of 'Sorry, but clearly you were fucking 'ex' when he & were still together, why do you think I'd want to be friends with you? I wish you both well, but really???'

crumblepie Sat 22-Jun-13 23:44:14

ignore you have moved on , shes not trying to be nice shes being nosey .

crumblepie Sat 22-Jun-13 23:45:53

ah was going to say the saying dubstarr73 said but i couldnt remember it , very true though . .

Andwhatif Sat 22-Jun-13 23:46:30

Chipping I only knew her through him. I find all of this really bizarre but then I thought it's maybe me being too conservative and old fashioned etc..

ChippingInWiredOnCoffee Sat 22-Jun-13 23:48:58

Nope - it's not you smile What does your ex think of all this?

fackinell Sat 22-Jun-13 23:50:30

WTF? I would message her back saying 'nice of you to think of me but I feel a friendship is not appropriate in these circumstances.' Polite but will leave her in no doubt that you're not interested. How odd!!

Andwhatif Sat 22-Jun-13 23:51:42

I have no idea. I have not spoken to him since we split up. He has been avoiding me causing a lot of socially awkward situations so not sure if his opinion matters at all ;)

WafflyVersatile Sat 22-Jun-13 23:54:56

YANBU.

'you appear to have mistaken me for a friend of yours. I'm not.'

Alternatively is there a mutual friend who would be willing to have a quiet word?

WafflyVersatile Sat 22-Jun-13 23:55:53

oh, maybe she's hoping to mend bridges to save social awkwardness with mutual friend social situations?

Bit silly.

Andwhatif Sun 23-Jun-13 00:00:36

Waffly, perhaps that's what she's trying to do. But I never caused ant awkwardness, it was just them either not showing up at all or quietly disappearing after I'd arrived. Which I never really understood, were they worried I'd beat them up or something? grin

FuckNugget Sun 23-Jun-13 00:01:02

I agree wholeheartedly with notafan.

My H had an on/off affair a few years back and whenever I broke up with him, she would too. Then we'd get back together and the affair would start again hmm. I left him for a prolonged period and ow met someone else so it was definitely over then.

I have another couple who I am good friends with, the guy had an affair and their relationship was over. He stayed with the ow. She is absolutely barmy. She goes to great lengths to try and suck my friend back into the trio even though they broke up 2 years ago and my friend has moved on. At one point the ow had cut out photos of her head and stuck them into the 'couple' photos hanging in their house to make it look like they were a threesome confused. The whole situation was like something straight out if a soap opera and I often worried for my friends safety as I truly believe the ow has mental health issues. There's a lot more to the story but too long to type here.

I really think she is trying to get you back involved in some way so she can feel she has got one over on you, make you jealous etc as that was the motivation in getting with a guy who was already 'taken'.

Andwhatif Sun 23-Jun-13 00:03:07

FuckNugget this picture thing she did would totally freak me out. People are strange...

FuckNugget Sun 23-Jun-13 00:11:19

That's not even the worst thing she did. My friend has infertility issues and they were pursuing ivf when the affair was revealed.

The ow would announce frequently that she was pregnant with my friends ex and send vile messages about how she could give him what my friend couldn't.

At one point she had a medical abortion and sent photographs of the foetus to my friend and her ex's family.

Honestly, I'd never heard anything like it. My friends ex is still with the ow and she regularly beats him and self harms, then gets him arrested for assault. We have pleaded with him to leave her but he doesn't listen. I do in some ways feel quite sorry for the other woman. She quite clearly has huge problems that are not being addressed and I wonder if she has experienced something terribly traumatic in her life to make her behave this way.

The whole thing has been scary and upsetting in equal measures. I'm so proud if my friend for how well she handled it all.

Andwhatif Sun 23-Jun-13 00:14:38

Definitely sounds like serious mental issues there... What I will never understand is why men leave to be with women like that. But that coukd be a whole new thread...

FuckNugget Sun 23-Jun-13 00:18:04

He has said before that he can't leave her because she needs his help hmm. The ow is the complete opposite of my lovely lovely friend and I think the ow seemed exciting in comparison but no, I still don't get it till this day.

I would be tempted to ignore this woman if I were you op. I think even a response that says you couldn't possibly be friends under the circumstances will just feed into her need to feel she got to you and 'won'.

Andwhatif Sun 23-Jun-13 00:24:04

Thanks for all your advise. I will just leave it as it is I think. I don't want to be dragged into anything. I love my life as it is and don't feel the need to prove anything to anyone.. Although I could take my DC to the party to show off cause he is gorgeous and theirs is ugly lol

FuckNugget Sun 23-Jun-13 00:33:33

That's the best revenge in the end, to move on and be happy. She's probably trying her best to prove to herself that she has things better than you. But by the sounds of it you got the better deal wink.

Andwhatif Sun 23-Jun-13 00:39:54

Got so wound up that I forgot what time it was. 5 hours of sleep left if I'm lucky... Wee man likes to get up early... grin

Theyoniwayisnorthwards Sun 23-Jun-13 00:39:55

She's being weird and whatever her motivation is I wouldn't entertain it.

However YABVU and pretty darn weird yourself to call her one year old ugly. Who the actual fuck does that? Ugh.

StuntGirl Sun 23-Jun-13 01:44:19

Perhaps it is?

garlicnutty Sun 23-Jun-13 02:18:51

Ahem, I'm clearly a freakish weirdo. Oh, wait, I already knew that grin

I like everybody getting along. I hate the business where friends feel they have to take sides. For me, a relationship's over when it's over and there is not the slightest chance of me playing OW to any ex of mine. Therefore, it feels natural and obvious that we should all be friendly as we have some things in common (!) and it just makes everyone's life easier. Or so it seems to me.

I have had to accept that none of my exes' later partners see it that way, so I'm forced to back off and lose at least 50% of the mutual friends. Whatif, you're evidently in the majority so you may as well thank her for the invite but clarify your position for future reference.

I have no idea whether she's socially dozy easy-going, like me, or an obsessed nutter like Fucknugget's pal, but you're not interested in finding out - so tell her!

MusicalEndorphins Sun 23-Jun-13 04:19:07

I'd ignore or say what fackinell said.

It does sound weird to me but tbh I'd be SO tempted to turn up to the birthday party, just to see cheating Ex's face! I bet it would be the last invite you got. wink Probably best just to ignore but not so much fun

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