daughter given choc cake at scool, she is allergic to cows' milk.

(201 Posts)
MyNameIsRio Sat 22-Jun-13 08:03:45

That. They all know. Had their new teacher (who they will be having next year) for Fri afternoon and she was given birthday cake. Her own teacher has a stack of her own snacks. Now do I write to new teacher and headteacher?

BeanoNoir Sat 22-Jun-13 08:05:01

Is she ok?

bragmatic Sat 22-Jun-13 08:05:37


Is she ok? Does she know the kinds of foods that could contain cows' milk?

TheDeadlyDonkey Sat 22-Jun-13 08:06:10

Both I would say.
How old is dd? Can you teach her which treats she has to refuse?

MyNameIsRio Sat 22-Jun-13 08:06:23

Slightly upset tummy, I gave her piriton as soon as got home.

Jojay Sat 22-Jun-13 08:07:10

Yes, I would. How old is DD?

What sort of reaction did she have?

SoupDragon Sat 22-Jun-13 08:07:27

Now do I write to new teacher and headteacher?

Just go and talk to the teacher!

How old is your DD?

MyNameIsRio Sat 22-Jun-13 08:07:46

She is four, reception.

TheSecondComing Sat 22-Jun-13 08:11:13

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

How old is DD? There is a school of thought that says you teach your child to ask does this food contain x, if so then no thank you.

Perhaps cake was vegan? You haven't said if DD reacted/needed her epipen if she has one.

Before you write to HT you need to find out if cake was dairy free and if DD needed meds.

reallifegetsintheway Sat 22-Jun-13 08:12:11

If it was shop bought, she should have checked the ingredients.
If home-made, maybe she didn't think it contained milk. I wouldn't think of milk- eggs, butter, sugar, flour cocoa powder but first thought wouldn't be milk. genuine mistake possibly?? End of term - she probably needs a gentle reminder. Sorry your DD is feeling unwell.

SoupDragon Sat 22-Jun-13 08:12:24

I guess at every opportunity you need to teach her to say "I am allergic to dairy, can I eat that?". There will, inevitably, be more occasions like this to come.

SoupDragon Sat 22-Jun-13 08:13:23

But seriously, just speak to the new teacher - she will probably be mortified. Especially as it was only a minor reaction (thankfully!)

Eastpoint Sat 22-Jun-13 08:14:39

Very quietly as an aside, reallife butter is made from milk, hence the problem with cakes...

reallifegetsintheway Sat 22-Jun-13 08:15:51

oops!! So all dairy a big no-no?? Sorry OP said milk so I just thought milk.

MyNameIsRio Sat 22-Jun-13 08:16:39

Thank you.

MyNameIsRio Sat 22-Jun-13 08:19:59

Milk is in loads I'd stuff, butter etc. Also in the form if whey powder etc.

MyNameIsRio Sat 22-Jun-13 08:21:45

In not I'd

EmmaBemma Sat 22-Jun-13 08:21:47

Maybe it would be better to get her used to saying "I'm allergic to dairy", to avoid possible confusion about milk in butter etc.

SweepTheHalls Sat 22-Jun-13 08:21:50

I am clearly dim witted, the milk allergy, butter think hadn't occurred to me either!

MyNameIsRio Sat 22-Jun-13 08:25:31

Thank you. She is a very shy little pickle at school. So very quiet and only just starting to speak to teachers. Still, she must learn.

TheBirdsFellDownToDingADong Sat 22-Jun-13 08:26:57

Speak to the teacher.
Speak to your child.
Your daughter is at the beginning of going out into the big wide world without you being present. That's hard when she has an allergy that will make her poorly. Sadly, for her and for you, she is going to have to be more mature for her 4 yrs than she ought to be, and you are going to have to drill that into her. That she doesn't eat or touch anything unless she is 100% sure. Which is probably, in all honesty, not going to be that often.

I'm sure, as others have said, the teacher will be mortified. But, as you said milk in your OP, do the school also just think it's milk? Not dairy? You need to clarify that with them. Make sure they know, without doubt.

Hope she is feeling better today. smile

MrsLouisTheroux Sat 22-Jun-13 08:30:07

A four year old is capable of asking before eating. As soupdragon says tell her to say 'I'm allergic to dairy, can Zi eat this?'
If she only had a slight reaction maybe she needs retesting for the severity of her allergy .

MrsLouisTheroux Sat 22-Jun-13 08:32:28

X post. If she is shy, all the more reason to practice what she says.

MorphandChas Sat 22-Jun-13 08:33:59

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Altinkum Sat 22-Jun-13 08:36:26

Is it the chocolate cake at school? If it is, then it's made from beet root and a small amount of coco powder.

I'd ask about the ingredients first before going in guns blazing.

MyNameIsRio Sat 22-Jun-13 08:38:03

MrsLouis, she has been tested at 6 months, 2, 3 & 4. Not meant to be tested until seven now.

Altinkum Sat 22-Jun-13 08:38:58

There may be no cows milk in it, just eggs, water, beet root juice coco power and flour. Possible added sugar.

My ds is allergic to all dairy, lactose and all citrus.

Lovelygoldboots Sat 22-Jun-13 08:41:38

It is up to you to make sure the teacher knows if she is only four.

MyNameIsRio Sat 22-Jun-13 08:43:07

It was a shop bought b day cake. citrus Altinkum - that must be hard too in addition to lactose etc.

MagicHouse Sat 22-Jun-13 08:43:34

This shouldn't have happened. I would probably ask to speak to the head. It was lucky her reaction was mild, what if another child with an allergy had a much more serious reaction in similar circumstances. It sounds as though there have been communication problems - was the new teacher even aware of her allergy? I'm not saying you necessarily need to go in all guns blazing, but the school need to know that a potentially serious mistake has happened here.

MyNameIsRio Sat 22-Jun-13 08:44:48

Lovely I of course her teachers know. I didn't know she was having her new one for the afternoon.

Altinkum Sat 22-Jun-13 08:49:32

Oh then I would be writing a stern email.

Yes it is, the dairy and the lactose I can cope with, but citrus is in everything, as its a natural preservative. It excludes so many things, his diet is mainly dry meat and root veg, rice flakes etc.... As even a simple thing like a oxo cube contains citrus.... As does bread, jam, crisps, dairy free ice cream, boiled sweets,, just way to many to list.

SoupDragon Sat 22-Jun-13 08:50:19

I once made a dairy free birthday cake as one guest was allergic. Then I discovered that the white icing I'd used for waves had lactose in it! Allergic child had bit with no white on it smile

Snowyelephantshavewrinkles Sat 22-Jun-13 08:52:08

No need to write just go in and say... They would not have done I on purpose.

Snowyelephantshavewrinkles Sat 22-Jun-13 08:55:32

Just read a later post by you OP ... Go and see the head to explain. In our school there is a list in staff room of children and their allergies. It really does help as all staff are aware.

I think you need to make sure your child needs to be told to ask before she eats something to always ask (we have had this for DS with eggs and was always told to ask).

You should also just pop into the school and mention the incident to your child's present teacher asking that the information is passed on.

I do think that because it sounds like it is more an intolerance than an allergy that your title is slightly inflammatory. Sorry if that is not the case bit I have an intolerance to eggs and lactose which give me a funny tummy. As far as I was aware an allergy is something entirely different and will cause an allergic response such as swelling if airway, rash etc.

trixymalixy Sat 22-Jun-13 09:00:49

The teacher will be mortified. I would write a letter/email reminding them about the allergies and possibly asking for a meeting with the new teacher to go through it and the medication with her.

DS has multiple allergies and I'm going to ask to meet with his new teacher to go through them with her.

You also need to teach your DD to say "I have allergies, is this ok for me to eat?"

I would like to say I'm amazed that people don't associate butter as being made from milk, but unfortunately I've come across this many times including a chef who didn't know cream was made from milk. Cue vomiting child. Now I list, butter, cheese milk, yoghurt just to avoid any doubt.

trixymalixy Sat 22-Jun-13 09:05:23

Madame, stomach pain and diahorrea are also allergic symptoms, particularly if the allergen has been baked the reaction can be milder and DS will just be a bit flushed and have a sore tummy. Uncooked milk and you'll get vomiting and hives.

TSSDNCOP Sat 22-Jun-13 09:06:32

reallife's thread is probably the most telling on the thread.

On a thread about milk allergy, a person says that butter would surely be ok, not putting the two together.

Maybe that's where the new teacher slipped up too. Clearly it's easier done than you think.

As DD came to no significant harm, a quiet word with new teacher seems appropriate especially as you'll have a relationship with her throughout Y1.

MyNameIsRio Sat 22-Jun-13 09:07:38

Madam, she is allergic not intolerant. Tested at hospital. I do know the difference.

kelda Sat 22-Jun-13 09:07:41

Her current teacher should have given all the relevant information over to the new teacher.

Write a letter explaining her allergy, saying that it is not just to milk and mention it as well so that the information doesn't get overlooked again. Is there any sign on the wall with your daughter's name and photo and allergy?

By the way, to all of those assuming that the four year old should be responsible for herself, this is unrealistic for many four year olds.

trixymalixy Sat 22-Jun-13 09:09:44

The teacher is absolutely responsible, but it's a good idea to teach her DD to start asking if food is suitable as soon as possible.

That's why I apologised before I said it.
My point was more that there was not an awful anaphylactic reaction which would have needed an entirely different course of action than what your dd exhibited.

AuntieStella Sat 22-Jun-13 09:22:23

You need to speak to the teacher.

And I'd have a (friendly) word with the HT and ask for a check on how new/supply teachers are briefed about allergies and what foods may be given out.

For the next child who is given an unsuitable food might not come off as lightly as your DD. Yes, DC have to learn to deal with a world with allergens and refuse things themselves. But reception children are still fairly early on in that and teachers do need to play a role, especially when handing out chocolate.

TheSecondComing Sat 22-Jun-13 09:25:42

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

MyNameIsRio Sat 22-Jun-13 09:29:30

TheSecondComing, yes. Vomiting, swollen face at six months when had cows milk for first time. Tested at hospital and is ALlERGIC to cows milk not bloody intolerant. Re tested three subsequent times. ALLERGIC STIlL no milk.

MorphandChas Sat 22-Jun-13 09:30:42

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

kelda Sat 22-Jun-13 09:31:14

'it's not the end of the world'

Even if you don't think the reaction was serious enough, the teacher still needs to be told.

SoupDragon Sat 22-Jun-13 09:31:26

By the way, to all of those assuming that the four year old should be responsible for herself, this is unrealistic for many four year olds.

Maybe so but it is never to early to start teaching a child to take "responsibility" for their allergies. Obviously the adults in charge should be checking but the child needs to learn how to keep themselves safe.

trixymalixy Sat 22-Jun-13 09:31:33

It's not the end of the world as no harm done, this time. But reactions can get more severe with every exposure. She needs to tell them that they gave her allergic daughter milk and ask them to take more care.

trixymalixy Sat 22-Jun-13 09:34:08

And there is nothing more irritating than being asked if your child's allergies are "real" FFS. I wish people would take it a bit more bloody seriously. Although it's the so called "islington intolerants" I blame mainly.

kelda Sat 22-Jun-13 09:36:12

Good point trixy.

I think 'not the end of the world' is rather patronising.

My baby had a reaction to kiwi at his creche. They knew he was allergic. Now it wasn't the end of the world because he didn't have an anaphylactic reaction and die.

But his eczema flared up, and it was ages before I got it under control again, causing many sleepless nights because of the itching.

I told the creche and it didn't happen again.

harverina Sat 22-Jun-13 09:36:58

It is the head teachers responsibility to tell any new members of staff about individual children's needs.

Someone said up thread that they wouldn't make too much fuss over an upset tummy but what if she had an anaphylactic reaction? Allergies are unpredictable and this is possible so I think you should be making it clear how unhappy you are.

This is why I am terrified about my dd going to nursery - she is 3 and knows what her allergies are but it is too much of a responsibility on children so young to be able to work out what ingredients are in heir food. They do not have the ability to do this consistently and a responsible adult should be making sure that anything they eat is "safe".

TheSecondComing Sat 22-Jun-13 09:38:51

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Sirzy Sat 22-Jun-13 09:41:29

The old teacher should have passed the imformation on. I wouldn't kick off but I would have a quiet word with both. In future it may be worth talking to the next years teacher as soon as classes are confirmed so you know they are fully aware.

I do agree it would help if she learnt to ask if something was ok. DS is 3 and has asthma but can ask for his inhaler when needed and is starting to know what will make his "chest sore"

kelda Sat 22-Jun-13 09:42:51

The OP had already siad that her dd had been tested four times.

This is why mistakes happen, because this thread shows that there is a disbelief about allergies.

Nerfmother Sat 22-Jun-13 09:44:19

Hopefully she will grow out of it soon , but I would just email the school and ask for staff to be reminded because she had an unpleasant reaction and you'd like to avoid this.

Sirzy Sat 22-Jun-13 09:45:24

I don't think it's a disbelief, more the problem of so many people who are mildly intolerant make a fuss about it being an allergy meaning that it a) confuses people who aren't as aware about allergies and b) makes it harder for people with true allergies to be understood.

MrsBrownsGirl Sat 22-Jun-13 09:46:04

My friend is intolerant to cows milk but can small have amounts of butter, cheese etc, seems that as soon as dairy is processed her body is ok with it. Not saying the teacher shouldn't have checked but it's easy to get confused with who can have what.

Also a lot of shop bought cakes (especially chocolate ones) are made with vegetable fat, they use butter for things like posh Victoria sponges, proudly proclaim it all over the packaging and hike the price up accordingly!

KobayashiMaru Sat 22-Jun-13 09:48:17

seems like they did you a favour and tested her for you. A slighty stomach upset suggests that the allergy is no more.

MyNameIsRio Sat 22-Jun-13 09:48:59

Thank you for your replies. I appreciate them. It is hard for me; I feel my daughter is overlooked because of how quiet/shy she is. It is frustrating to have people question whether it is a "real" allergy. I don't understand what The Second Coming meant when you said: "Although you could see your arse about her ALLERGY (or mild diarrhoea)" . I wonder if you could explain. Thank you.

lljkk Sat 22-Jun-13 09:49:12

It's a breakdown in comms at the school, I would calmly point it out to them (preferably in writing). Next time it could happen to a child who has more severe reactions. They'll be horrified at that prospect.

lljkk Sat 22-Jun-13 09:49:33

ps: good that your child had such a mild reaction this time, though. Hopefully it's a sign that she might outgrow it.

MyNameIsRio Sat 22-Jun-13 09:50:06

Seems like they did you a favour Kobya? What?

FanjoForTheMammaries Sat 22-Jun-13 09:52:02

Definitely speak to them.

My DD was given egg once ..she has an Epipen for egg. I was not impressed.

Am not able to educate DD about her.allergies and she can't speak, mind you.

kelda Sat 22-Jun-13 09:53:19

I do sympathesise. My ds is also four and very quiet, very hard to understand, and he also cannot speak up for himself (in fact he has mild SN). It makes you very protective of them.

Although I'm sure there are some parents who would be very dismissive and sarcastic of that too.

KobayashiMaru Sat 22-Jun-13 09:54:32

I've got a child with allergies, they don't tend to cause such a mild response. I'd be pretty pleased if I were you.
And it was a new teacher who obviously didn't know. It happens, get over it.

ClaimedByMe Sat 22-Jun-13 09:55:11

I found it easier to drum into ds to ask school/clubs/friends mums if what they are feeding him has blackcurrants/blackberries in and he asks them to check the ingredients, he has been asking since starting nursery at 3, I must admit the nursery and school (he is 8 now) have been very good, his teacher called me the other day asking if he was allowed blueberries just to double check.

I have lost count of the amount of things I have gave him without checking, strawberry yoghurt being the worst culprit blush

MyNameIsRio Sat 22-Jun-13 09:55:54

Kelda, not me. Thank you.

jamdonut Sat 22-Jun-13 09:57:10

Mention it.
They will be mortified, I'm sure.
Teachers wouldn't do that on purpose. Obviously it is an oversight and no harm done this time,but it should have been something they were aware of.
We tend to know who has allergies/conditions in our year group because every time we go on a school trip we have to go through the list and write them all down on the risk assessment forms.

imustbepatient Sat 22-Jun-13 09:58:00

OP I feel really sorry for your poor DD. my SIL nephew and niece are all allergic to cows milk and anything made from cows milk. I'm surprised too at the number of people (on this thread and real life) who don't understand what cows milk is in, eg butter, cheese, chocolate etc. my poor SIL is very clear whenever she is ordering food in a restaurant to explain her allergy, list lots of things milk is in (eg ghee) but still gets served milk from time to time and then has a week of being miserable with migraines, vomiting and diarrhoea. Someone told her a cake was dairy free once. Apart from the white chocolate which the person didn't realise has dairy in it!

For my SIL it is only cows milk products she cant have. Sheep and goats milk is fine.

edam Sat 22-Jun-13 09:58:22

It must be deeply frustrating that even on this thread, even some posters with children with allergies are questioning whether this is real. FFS.

Just because they have a friend who has a mild reaction to whatever food, just because your daughter's reaction was mild this time...

Listen allergy deniers, your friend isn't the template for all allergies! Next time the poor lass could have a very serious reaction.

I have epilepsy that is controlled by medication, it doesn't mean my friends get to dismiss anyone else with epilepsy and claim it isn't a serious or dangerous condition. Some people are profoundly affected by epilepsy, to the point of it being severely disabling or life threatening. And although thankfully I'm at low risk, it doesn't mean I couldn't have a seizure out of the blue and injure myself or, worse, go into status epilepticus which is a real, life-threatening emergency.

kelda Sat 22-Jun-13 09:59:53

This thread does read like a game of 'well my allergy is worse then yours'.

You would think the other parents of allergic children would be more supportive, not less.

TheSecondComing Sat 22-Jun-13 10:00:20

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

imustbepatient Sat 22-Jun-13 10:03:24

Hear hear Edam

MyNameIsRio Sat 22-Jun-13 10:03:50

I will not make a massive fuss. At all. TheSEcondComing, I am riled at the tone of your posts, to be honest. I am not a fuss pots. I am the opposite. I

HarrySnotter Sat 22-Jun-13 10:04:39

Just talk to them and explain again, the new teacher will be mortified no doubt. I often wonder why there are so many allergies these days I only remember 1 child having an allergy when I was at school. I have no allergies (that I'm aware of) neither does DH or either of our families, yet my DD is allergic to loads of things. It's so frustrating.

MyNameIsRio Sat 22-Jun-13 10:04:52

Thank you, Edam.

youarewinning Sat 22-Jun-13 10:04:53

A child who is allergic to something can react differently everytime - A mouthful of milk could cause hive and the next time touching something thats had milk on it could being anaphylatic shock. That's why allergies are so complecated - you cannot predict the outcome.

You do NEED to speak to the teacher and ask school to review their risk assessment. I think because she was OK this time it' a good chance to build a stronger relationship. It's hard teaching a child to ask all the time if they can eat something - but they have to learn.

Panzee Sat 22-Jun-13 10:06:09

What was in the cake? Do shop bought ones tend to have milk products in? (Dim) If it was home made (I know this one wasn't) it could be Vitalite and not butter? And just cocoa powder for the choc part.

I'm not well up on allergies, sorry. I'm sorry your daughter was ill.

trixymalixy Sat 22-Jun-13 10:06:51

Oh dear lord. If such idiotic and ignorant attitudes exist on a forum with a higher intelligence than the average population, I quite honestly fear for my child's life. hmm

HarrySnotter Sat 22-Jun-13 10:07:07

Kelda there really can't be many people who would ridicule a parent being protective of their child.

Panzee Sat 22-Jun-13 10:07:28

The reason I'm asking so many questions is that I'm a teacher and would have been mortified if I had done this to anyone.

Bumply Sat 22-Jun-13 10:07:47

Ds2 is coeliac and he's old enough at 11 to ask/know what's suitable, but at 4 it was a case if never eating anything he was given at school until he'd checked with me. That was safer than getting him to ask "is it ok" and relying on others to know for him.

kelda Sat 22-Jun-13 10:08:12

HarrySnotter well there seems to be a disporportionate about of them on mumsnet.

trixymalixy Sat 22-Jun-13 10:08:20

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harverina Sat 22-Jun-13 10:08:48

Your wrong thesecond - the next exposure to milk could be much, much worse.

No one is saying make a massive fuss, but the op needs to know her child is safe in nursery. What if the teacher had given her a glad of milk because she didn't know or a sandwich with butter? It doesn't matter that the reaction was mild this time. Procedures need to be followed and that is that - of course mistakes happen but they need to be addressed.

The op has already said that her ds has been for regular testing and is still allergic.

worley Sat 22-Jun-13 10:09:03

Go speak to the head teacher..
The nursery gave ds2 cauliflower cheese for lunch once.. Even though he had a dairy allergy.. Apparently the nursery nurse didn't realise the cheese sauce was made with milk....I went to speak to the manager then. Who was very good and sorted it all out.

frogwatcher42 Sat 22-Jun-13 10:10:01

I never make choc cake with butter - use some form of marj. Is there dairy in marj (I have no idea). I wouldn't think choc cake would have dairy in to be honest - honest mistake I reckon.

KobayashiMaru Sat 22-Jun-13 10:10:14

slighty upset

TheSecondComing Sat 22-Jun-13 10:10:48

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

frogwatcher42 Sat 22-Jun-13 10:11:12

Have just looked on my marj that I make cakes with - no mention of milk. It is fats.

MyNameIsRio Sat 22-Jun-13 10:11:17

frog - marg is a dairy product

lljkk Sat 22-Jun-13 10:11:32

Nearly all margarines have some milk products in them.

I wish people wouldn't say "daily" when they mean "milk". OP hasn't said anything about her child having trouble with eggs, has she?

edam Sat 22-Jun-13 10:12:09

No problem,mynameis and Imustbe. Astonishing to find such ignorance amongst some parents of kids with allergies - wonder if this is some game of 'my child's allergy is worse than yours, ner ner ner ner ner'.

Each time you are exposed to something you react to you risk a far worse reaction. I think it is something you need to raise with the teacher!

My charge is gluten/dairy/sugar intolerant and a few weeks back ate a vegan biscuit at school.

She told her teacher that she couldn't have it (teacher knows this, has done for the year she's had her!) and the teacher told her "It's okay, there is only a little bit of sugar and wheat in it." angry Child is 8 but has SEN which makes her younger in some respects and really trusts/idolises her teacher like a younger child would. I can easily imagine it happening with a younger child as well so it is definitely worth pointing it out and reiterating it!

Allergies aren't all very severe either. One of my explorer scouts accidentally touched a vinyl glove not long ago. Has never had more than a 'mild' reaction or rashes and swelling to vinyl before but within minutes she was having an anaphylactic shock. Thankfully she had her epipen on her but it served as a harsh reminder to me as to mild allergies suddenly becoming significantly more serious!

edam Sat 22-Jun-13 10:13:16

lljkk, eggs are not dairy. They may come from farms but they are not made from milk. People say 'dairy' to try to explain that it is not just milk, it is butter and cream etc. etc. etc.

Bonkerz Sat 22-Jun-13 10:13:35

I would be fuming if this happened to my ds. He has a dairy allergy...... His reaction cannot be seen.....his bowel swells and swallows itself causing constipation that if not unblocked ( we OD on lactulose and juice etc) could mean an operation to straighten his bowel. His tummy distends and he can be in pain for days and his skin reacts after he finally poos and he can react this way for up to two weeks. The last time this happened it was from a piece of choc cake less than a cm in size!

HarrySnotter Sat 22-Jun-13 10:13:45

I don't really see that on here Kelda I think a vast majority of people on here are very protective of their children, it's a natural way to feel.

Some seem to either misunderstand the allergy issue or feel that their own experience with their own allergic child has any bearing on the OPs childs reaction, which of course it doesn't. I think most people realise that allergies affect people in different ways.

drinkyourmilk Sat 22-Jun-13 10:14:42

Allergies are not necessarily straight forward. I have an allergy to kiwi and mango. Some times I eat it and I'm fine, just a bit of eczema. Sometimes if I have it its a full on asthma type reaction requiring a blue light A&E visit.
Obviously I avoid them, but sometimes even adults get caught out.

TimeofChange Sat 22-Jun-13 10:16:43

Rio: Some people on here are incredibly ignorant.

I have no idea whether you should ignore them or not.

Speak and write to the school, so they have no excuse in the future.

Most shop cakes have dairy in - though I'm sure you know that already.

My DD thought her 8 year old had grown out of her dairy intolerance, so she had a small amount of cheese for three or four days.
We realised she was still intolerant when she thought she was trumping and pooed herself (twice).
I have been told that if you do not grow out of dairy intolerance or allergy.
For the doubters - I was told it by a homeopath so it is probably untrue and woo.

Best wishes to you and your DD.

OHforDUCKScake Sat 22-Jun-13 10:18:16

Threads like this scare the absolute shit out of me.

Threads like this could kill my son.

I dread when he goes to school for this exact reason.

OHforDUCKScake Sat 22-Jun-13 10:18:35

Not threads, 'mistakes'.

TimeofChange Sat 22-Jun-13 10:19:35

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frogwatcher42 Sat 22-Jun-13 10:20:45

Just checked my marj again and it says 'may contain traces of dairy'. It is all other fats such as vegetable fat. I presume by 'may contain traces' it is saying that it should be dairy free but they cannot guarantee it.

Obviously it then depends on how intolerant/allergic a child is.

I just think it is a honest mistake and fortunately no harm was done. Therefore a quiet word to the teacher would be enough.

sashh Sat 22-Jun-13 10:21:38

I react to milk, I get an upset tummy and generally spend the morning after on the toilet for an hour or so.

Anyway, I don't react to cheese or butter. I know what I have is not a true allergy, might be lactose intolerance.

So I might not think a child allergic to milk couldn't have cake.

I agree with saying 'dairy' rather than milk.

harverina Sat 22-Jun-13 10:22:32

The point is that the reaction could have been worse - yes the child was "lucky" this time but ALLERGIC REACTIONS CAN BE FATAL and have to be taken seriously.

The point is not that the reaction was mild, the point is that the child was given allergens by a teacher and the op was asking for advice on how to deal with this.

No one has done the op any favours by retesting her son. Tests and challenges need to be done in a controlled way with advice from a specialist. Not just a "lets see what happens" approach.

No one was saying that the op should go in shouting and screaming to the nursery!!!!!!!!!!!!!

If this was a thread about a child not being given medication, or say, a 4 year old child being allowed to cross a busy road on their own the responses would have been very different.

FanjoForTheMammaries Sat 22-Jun-13 10:23:06

What youarewinning said.

Allergic responses can vary and be mild one time and then dangerous next time
Exposing a child to something they have had a serious reaction to is a.big slip up.

Kobayashi..may I suggest you educate yourself and stop being so bloody rude to the OP.

BlackholesAndRevelations Sat 22-Jun-13 10:23:12

How was she given cake without your permission anyway? We have to get parents' signatures for any kind of food eating/tasting (besides their normal fruit snack).

frogwatcher42 Sat 22-Jun-13 10:25:09

Not sure the reactions wold have been different harverina, to be honest.

And thats from a parent who has more challenges with her dc than most, along with some significant mistakes by teachers and health care professionals. I just think everyone is human and there has to be some acceptance of that. Mistakes happen, and yes sometimes they can result in a dreadful consequence as I know from bitter experience. But thats life.

FanjoForTheMammaries Sat 22-Jun-13 10:25:09

You must tread carefully with allergies.

Dd tested clear to tuna and salmon..school unbeknownst to me shovelled tuna into her.

She was OK.

I tried her with small piece of salmon and she ended up in hospital

Allergies are not fads or being PFB.

KobayashiMaru Sat 22-Jun-13 10:25:10

Message deleted by Mumsnet for breaking our Talk Guidelines. Replies may also be deleted.

KobayashiMaru Sat 22-Jun-13 10:25:54

I don't need educating thanks, I've a lifetime of knowledge about allergies.

TheSecondComing Sat 22-Jun-13 10:26:02

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

trixymalixy Sat 22-Jun-13 10:26:43

If this was a thread about a child not being given medication, or say, a 4 year old child being allowed to cross a busy road on their own the responses would have been very different.

Exactly Harverina, I nearly posted similar myself. just because the consequences were not severe this time does not change the fact that the child was under the care of the school and this should not have happened. It could potentially be a fatal outcome if it happens again.

moremintsliceplease Sat 22-Jun-13 10:27:07

OP I have no idea why you're getting such a hard time here confused, good luck sorting it out with the teacher though.

I also know someone who outgrew an egg allergy (but as a teen not at four - and being retested annually) but everyone I know with a dairy allergy has not outgrown it.

Sirzy Sat 22-Jun-13 10:27:26

No one has done the op any favours by retesting her son. Tests and challenges need to be done in a controlled way with advice from a specialist. Not just a "lets see what happens" approach.

Exactly. Nobody knows how someone with an allergy will react which is why foods are best avoided if they are known problem foods unless being reintroduced under medical advice.

It will have been an honest mistake from the teacher, and thankfully the consequences were only 'mild' however, next time it could be a more serious reaction (for the OPs child or any other with allergies) so perhaps its a good time for the school to think about how the train ALL staff on such matters.

My sister has allergies at at school her photo with a list of relevant information on the allergy was in the staff room, the food tech room and every teacher who taught her was aware - this was in a secondary school so in a primary setting that should be even easier to do.

FanjoForTheMammaries Sat 22-Jun-13 10:29:25

Well kobayashi your lifetime of knowledge missed the fact that a reaction can be mild one time and not the next.

TSC I sympathise with you trying to be helpful at first and getting head bitten off but people taking allergies seriously are not "hysterical loons".

My DD has had mild reactions and also ones requiring hospital treatment.

RobinBedRest Sat 22-Jun-13 10:29:51

MyNameIsRio - how did you inform the school of the allergy, did your GP do a letter? If they have specific medical advice like that they should be taking it seriously, if your GP is friendly I would be asking them to scribe a quick note in the guise of keeping the school up to date, to reiterate that she must not have dairy and will be retested in hospital when she is 7.

My understanding is that having a diet completely omitting the allergen gives the best chance of outgrowing it, so I would be v v pissed off.

TheSecondComing Sat 22-Jun-13 10:30:20

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

FanjoForTheMammaries Sat 22-Jun-13 10:30:43

No "hysterical posturing" here.

Shouldn't belittle people's real concerns like that.

trixymalixy Sat 22-Jun-13 10:31:11

moremint I'm afraid it's just the nature of AIBU, that some posters feel the need to rip shreds off the OP when most normal sane people would agree that she is NBU.

OHforDUCKScake Sat 22-Jun-13 10:31:12

OP what has your childs worse reaction ever been?

I have dreams regularly about my son accidentally being given something with milk or eggs in and he doesnt have a reaction or has a mild one, in my dream Im thrilled. I wake up and I am gutted.

Im real life, I dread him accidentally being given an allergen.

But if he was, and his reaction was mild, Id be doing cart wheels all the way home.

That does not mean its ok for the, to fuck up though, for all the reasons mentioned above.

ariane5 Sat 22-Jun-13 10:32:44

You should speak to the teacher and make her very aware your dd has an allergy.

My ds1 has a very sever milk and egg allergy, he cannot even touch anything containing them. The first few reactions were mild though, hives and vomiting (before we knew) and after the third exposure his whole face and throat swelled and he had to go to a+e. He is re tested every year (he's 6).

Dd2 on the other hand (3) had the same reactions but is also retested yearly and seems to have all but grown out of her milk allergy (but cannot yet tolerate milk to drink or yogurt). All reactions are different, sometimes dcs have a milder reaction sometimes very severe. You never know with allergies so its better to be on the safe side.

It may be worth having your dd tested again, but like with my dd a 'negative' test doesn't mean 100% they are no longer allergic at all.she can only tolerate dairy in cooked products so far.

You can buy the wristbands off amazon saying dairy allergic, I have them for my dcs for when they go on trips/to parties etc.

trixymalixy Sat 22-Jun-13 10:32:44

But TSC, no one on this thread has suggested going in all guns blazing or blaming. But they do need to be told that this happened and remind them of her DD's allergies.

FanjoForTheMammaries Sat 22-Jun-13 10:32:58

Well I don't know about the meds TSC..but if not having them.meant a real chance of him being in danger and having to get hospital treatment wouldn't you be pissed off if they forgot, even if no harm done on one occasion?

Thats how I view DD being given allergens.

FanjoForTheMammaries Sat 22-Jun-13 10:33:49

And am.no way a hysterical loon..just dont want DD having anaphylaxis at school..she has been close.

BalloonSlayer Sat 22-Jun-13 10:33:58

Well as a parent of a milk-allergic child, what I would do is:

1. Go into the school and make a BIG fuss. Ask how the hell the new teacher wasn't informed of my DD's allergies and why she came to be given chocolate cake. They need to know that her chances of growing out of her allergy depend on not being exposed to dairy, and every time they fuck up like this they are reducing her chance of growing out of it.

2. Contact your allergy clinic and ask for re-testing because a slightly upset tummy after eating a chocolate cake (and it is hugely unlikely to have contained no dairy at all) is massively reassuring and may be a sign that she is starting to grow out of it. Which is FAB!

2½. But don't get your hopes up: we were wildly excited when DS1 got given by me a cheese sandwich by mistake - he spat it out immediately - and nothing happened! We had him tested but he was still allergic, God, the disappointment! Also, reactions can be mild because there has been no contact with the allergen for some time so the body is no longer on "high alert" - imagine a load of bored guards outside a castle no one attacks. Then one day there IS an attack, they don't spring into action very efficiently because they were not prepared - but the day after they'll be a lot more vigilant.


3. I'd ask for details of what exact cake it was and have a look at the labels. It might have a VERY low amount of dairy in it, in which case there is less cause for celebration than you think.

But DEFINITELY make a fuss at the school. They could have been calling an ambulance for your DD and they need to know that.

KobayashiMaru Sat 22-Jun-13 10:34:54

no it really didn't miss that, but its a fair bit more complicated than that. And it doesn't change the point that the shreiking about FATALITIES is rather pointless. If this, if that, well if my aunt had balls she'd be my uncle. What do you want from the school?

Sirzy Sat 22-Jun-13 10:35:18

But TSC all the OP has said is she is pissed off and wants them to be more aware of the importance - which is exactly what you have said you would want isn't it?

The bigger problem is that schools don't seem to have enough awareness and understanding of allergies/asthma etc and the risks it can pose

FanjoForTheMammaries Sat 22-Jun-13 10:35:21

Had to get seriously firm after her salmon reaction or they would have let her be exposed to it as they hve with eggs. And hate giving any grief to school and appreciate them lots.

LittleprincessinGOLDrocks Sat 22-Jun-13 10:35:38

OP - I would go and have a chat with the teacher, and explain to her what your DD can't eat. Maybe even offer to make her a list of unsafe foods that she can keep in her desk to avoid it happening again.
My DS has an egg allergy and a peanut allergy. (Nut allergy is Severe, Egg is moderate, but both are definitely true allergies - he is tested every 6 months for egg, and every few years for Nuts as unlikely he will ever stop being allergic to nuts).

I know from experience with DS that his reaction to egg varies dependant on quantity ingested, and how it was processed.
Some reactions have been pretty bad, others milder. I agree OP that it is no indicator of the severity of the allergy, as it could be had she had a second slice (and therefore more of the dairy content) she could have reacted much worse.

Yes people can grow out of some allergies, but that is what testing at clinic is for.

At DS school they have posters up with his picture on saying what his allergies are and what to do if he eats them by accident. Maybe something similar at your DDs school would be helpful?
( It definitely helps raise awareness, a boy from a few years above DS saw us at the park and told his mum not to eat any nuts in the playground as the boy over the there is allergic. It was lovely to see that child be so caring.)

FanjoForTheMammaries Sat 22-Jun-13 10:37:04

Tisn't shrieking.

If her DD has a serious allergy it's a possibility later on so care should be taken.

I am really not a shrieky hysterical type.

crashdoll Sat 22-Jun-13 10:38:11

Is it a full moon?! OP, of course YANBU to have a word with the teacher. I'd ask what their policy is for allergic children to ensure a mistakes does not happen. I wouldn't write or talk to the head as it sounds like a genuine mistake.

Your DD is little and as you said, shy but I do think it's good to get her to start practicing saying "I'm allergic to milk" for when she gets older.

FanjoForTheMammaries Sat 22-Jun-13 10:39:19

I was actually much more laid back sbout allergies before seeing DD's serious one to salmon. A month ago I would have probably hd different attitude but it made me realise you cant mess.around with allergies.

TheSecondComing Sat 22-Jun-13 10:40:47

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

harverina Sat 22-Jun-13 10:41:39

Ok, ok perhaps the capital letters were not necessary but aside from that no one is shrieking about fatalities. We are just trying to be clear that they are serious.

I am all not the hysterical type fanjo - but I suppose it's easier for ignorant people to label us that than take the time to listen.

FanjoForTheMammaries Sat 22-Jun-13 10:43:18

Yes..I am probably more scared because DD can't be responsible and just grabs and eats anything so it's down to other people to protect her.

Educating the child about their condition is definitely the way to go if possible.

harverina Sat 22-Jun-13 10:43:22

Totally agree that it's good to encourage our children to be responsible in an age appropriate way.

FanjoForTheMammaries Sat 22-Jun-13 10:44:43

Harverina..yes..me too..in fact I used to be too laid back about DD's allergies because her other issues took up my time

Mumsyblouse Sat 22-Jun-13 10:44:49

I would definitely go into the school and remind not only the class teacher but the head/school office again so that they have this written clearly and everyone in contact with your child knows. But, they will feel bad about it.

I think it's much harder for a teacher to be thinking 'does this have milk in it?' than just have a blanket ban on all foods which are not your own. I'm sure milk or dairy is in some unlikely products and it's not always obvious, so perhaps an easy 'nothing we haven't brought in ourselves' may work with your dd. My dd is allergic to face paints (well, lots of products) and it was surprisingly often that she went to another child's house and they played dress-up, or they did face painting at school for a fun activity or to mark one team out from another, and it would all start off again (once the football face had died down). In the end, we had to say nothing on your face EVER, no face paints, no playing make-up, no washing with soap at other's houses. It's hard for them, but easier than trying to negotiate between different things.

MyNameIsRio Sat 22-Jun-13 11:01:44

Thank you, I will,

MrsMook Sat 22-Jun-13 11:06:44

DS1 (2.6) appears to be growing out of his milk allergy. I haven't told nursery yet as it's all being carefully controlled, not a general free for all of any dairy foods.

We have to review the paper work every 3 months and list his banned foods and alternatives. His name appears on lists of food issues. Preferences like vegetarians are in black, allergies in red. Nursery have been excellent at dealing with it and I trust them not to contaminate him more than I do myself!

The reaction being mild doesn't mean that she's growing out of it. The proportion of the allergen in the food is low, so she could still have a more serious reaction to loose milk. When doing a milk challenge, you start with something like a biscuit that contains a small amount of milk cooked at high temperature and gently increase the exposure and milk content of foods.

We went to a wedding a year ago and the caterers were well briefed about a number of dietry requirements. We got to the table, a pile of breadsticks was ready (soya intolerance means most bread is out of bounds), he had dry new potatoes served and a jelly for dessert. Great! He tucks in to his dinner, scoffs down his veg. I give him seconds, to find that the remaining veg is sat in a puddle of melted butter.

That was fun at 5 am. For me and all the other wedding guests as he got caried off to the toilets screaming for an emergency nappy change. It was a fun holiday the following week. Thank goodness we had a washing machine at the appartment we stayed in as his bit of diahorrea meant he got through 2-3 times the amount of clothes to normal. Ahh the family memories of our trip to the Giant's Causeway. That poonami and alfresco nappy and clothes change was definately enough to scare the giants away!

Talk to the headteacher. Sounds like they need to remind staff about their procedures or even tighten them up.

fairimum Sat 22-Jun-13 11:17:30

my daughter is in reception as is lactose intolerant and asks everytime she is given something at school if it contains cows milk...

FanjoForTheMammaries Sat 22-Jun-13 11:25:18

All four year olds have dfferent capabilities.

MyNameIsRio Sat 22-Jun-13 11:33:33

Indeed, FanjoForThe Mammaries.

OHforDUCKScake Sat 22-Jun-13 11:38:44

"A month ago I had a different attitude."

This is why it can be so hard, sometimes, to get across the seriousness of milk allergies to people who only really understand nuts as a true potentially fatal allergy.

Although that is something Ive only ever experienced right here on MN.

No ones ever not taken my sons milk allergy seriously in RL. Quite the opposite, we have been incredibly lucky.

harverina Sat 22-Jun-13 11:43:03

Same here ohforduck - in rl once I tell people how she reacted to the foods they have been so careful. I think most schools and nurseries now have at least one child with allergies and some with intolerances.

Hope you get on ok, op. The allergy board is good if you ever need any advice, it has been invaluable to me grin

FanjoForTheMammaries Sat 22-Jun-13 11:46:38

I must say I always took other peoples kids allergies to anything seriously..was just a bit too.laid back about DDs allergies (to nuts eggs and fish amongst others)

OHforDUCKScake Sat 22-Jun-13 11:51:09

Before my son went into anaphylactic shock after a yoghurt, I didnt even know you could be allergic to milk. blush

SoupDragon Sat 22-Jun-13 11:55:59

What I didn't realise until catering for a dairy allergic child was that it's not always listed recognisably on lists of ingredient - lactose and casein are two less obvious ones if you're not clued up on it.

trixymalixy Sat 22-Jun-13 11:56:08

Mumsyblouse, that's the approach I have been taking with DS at school and at parties. He is only to eat stuff from his packed lunch box and I have provided a box of safe treats for him.

The OP has provided safe treats as well. Either the new teacher was not told or had forgotten......

I also wonder if the split on this thread among the allergic parents on this thread is between those who have only seen mild reactions in their children and those of us who have seen previously mild reactions turn into something a lot more serious.

storynanny Sat 22-Jun-13 12:59:12

Mynameisrio, teacher here. It shouldn't have happened so tell the school again and ask for your daughters allergy to be made aware to all staff. Ask how they will let supply teachers know. I wouldn't expect all 4 year olds to be responsible for checking food without a prompt.
At most schools I've been involved with children with allergies or special medical needs have their photograph displayed in the staff room and class registers with details of symptoms etc clearly outlined for all staff to be aware of.

lljkk Sat 22-Jun-13 13:11:43

Ah, I stand corrected. Think that's a cultural-generational thing. When/where I grew up "dairy" definitely often included egg products (see here).

MyNameIsRio Sat 22-Jun-13 14:17:23

Trixymalixy, I think you are right. Thank you for your help.

youarewinning Sat 22-Jun-13 14:27:31

Message deleted by Mumsnet for breaking our Talk Guidelines. Replies may also be deleted.

DoJo Sat 22-Jun-13 16:04:36

OP - sorry, I can't see in any of your posts if there has been confirmation from the school that your daughter was fed dairy, but if so then I agree that a blanket ban on food from sources other than home should be easier to manage for both teachers and your daughter. If you mark her name on the treats she is allowed, then it will be clear to her whether it has come from the safe stash or not and help her to be sure about everything she puts in her mouth.
However, it is REALLY easy to make a dairy free cake without even having to shop for special ingredients, so definitely worth checking whether this was the case before accusing the teacher of forgetting and then you can take it from there. It would be a shame if a thoughtful teacher ended up feeling put upon, but it might still be worth instigating a new rule just so that you can all be doubly sure nothing slips through the net.

simpson Sat 22-Jun-13 16:08:52

DD is severely intolerant to dairy and soya and was given the wrong school dinner a few months ago and was quite poorly.

I told the HT who was very apologetic.

Missed whether you have has confirmation that it had dairy in, not all shop bought cakes do (I have discovered tescos own basics birthday cake is ok as is their angel layer cake).

simpson Sat 22-Jun-13 16:10:33

Tescos basics and I think sainsburys too, does not have dairy in their marg by the way.

MyNameIsRio Sat 22-Jun-13 16:11:59

It had chocolate buttons on it. The TA told me when I collected her.

OHforDUCKScake Sat 22-Jun-13 19:25:53


It had chocolate buttons on it but...

What has been her worst allergic reaction?

Has she got an epipen?

Had you discussed it with the new teacher?

Or had you discussed it with the HT if the new teachef had just started?

babybarrister Sat 22-Jun-13 19:36:50

Please come on to the allergy boards for some sanitysmilesmile

LondonBus Sat 22-Jun-13 19:46:26

It doesn't matter who you had discussed it with previously, her new teacher should have know. Therefore I think you should write to the head and have a gentle word with her new teacher.

I think you should also teach your DD not to eat anything unless she knows she can eat it, and sometimes that means she needs to ask. If she doesn't feel able to ask, then she mustn't eat it.

McNewPants2013 Sat 22-Jun-13 20:12:04

I would complain to the head teacher, luckily it didn't seem a huge reaction this time what what about next time.

It's a simple mistake that could have serious out come.

In ds school they have photo in the classroom and underneath it say x has an allergy to nuts.

TiredFeet Sat 22-Jun-13 20:32:08

really disappointed with all the attacks the op has had. it shows there is a long way to go to educate people about allergies. just because the reaction wasn't awful this time doesn't make it ok actually. I was discussing this very thing with my son's allergy specialists (at one of the top departments in the uk) and they made it very clear that it was important to avoid all exposure and that I was certainly not being neurotic for doing so.

plus, even skin contact can give him a massive eczema flare over the next few days and yes ok that is 'just' eczema not anaphylaxis but it makes him desperately sore and uncomfortable and means we have to use strong steroids on his skin to get it down again.
I know there are some 'lifestyle' allergies / intolerances out there but it is actually highly inconvenient having to cut out key foods from a child's diet and I suspect most parents who do so do so because it is their only option.

OP YANBU to be upset about this. I would suggest a chat with both the teacher and the head is required. the school need to tighten up their policies and procedures to make sure this doesn't happen again, to your child or another. next time it could be much more serious and even as it was the mistake should never have been made. it is unrealistic to expect small children to consistently remember to check about food allergies, especially with a new adult. I remember being to scared when we had a supply teacher at primary to ask to go to the toilet for instance. I am teaching DS 2.5 already to be aware of his allergies and food safety but I would expect adults responsible for him to understand their responsibility to keep him safe for many years to come.

Pancakeflipper Sat 22-Jun-13 20:44:30

MynameisRio - join the allergy boards. Some comments on here just make me sigh and make me realise what an uphill battle is ahead for my 4yr old when he starts school in Sept. He's a dairy-free child ( CMP and lactose)

They know allergies/intolerances are a minefield. And the help and knowledge there is super useful. Some utterly super people there. I often just read threads when feeling a bit fed up.

And a fabby thread on surprising foods that children with allergies/intolerances can eat (to cheer ourselves up).

Hiphopopotamus Sat 22-Jun-13 20:52:36

A slightly upset tummy? hmm

FanjoForTheMammaries Sat 22-Jun-13 20:56:37

Read the thread before bringing out the humphy faces.

simpson Sat 22-Jun-13 21:06:53

Glad your LO did not have a serious reaction. If there were choc buttons in it then she obviously had dairy.

I would not be happy at all.

My DD is in reception and they are very good on the whole. They told me a week before an egg hunt so I could supply one, let me know when she is cooking etc...

We have had one mishap where DD ate the wrong lunch and the HT rang me to apologise and the head of the catering company apologised to DD and emailed me too.

Every term when the menu changes we go through it with a fine tooth comb.

Last week DD refused to eat her lunch as she knows she cannot eat "normal" bread and luckily the lunch staff knew I was on the school premises (I volunteer) so came and got me but said they would have rung me if I had not already been there. The bread (ciabatta) was fine for her to eat, but I was pleased with DD for checking.

WellThatsLife Sat 22-Jun-13 21:07:49

My husband is allergic to raw or lightly cooked egg, normally egg in cakes etc is fine but brownies are a no-no as they are cooked at lower temperature and still slightly squidgy(we found this out the hard way).Until two years ago he had not a severe reaction but would get an itchy mouth, sore tongue and swollen lips then some body at work brought some homemade cupcakes, as he had always been fine with them he had one, within 15 minutes he was having an anaphylactic reaction-face swelled, chest closed up couldn't breathe. Thankfully he was fine but we have since found out that some cupcake frostings are made with raw egg white. He now has an epipen and we are very careful when eating out(custard unless made with powder, homemade ice if made from a custard base, confections cream, creamy salad dressings, a lot of sauces). You just don't know with allergies how someone is going to react, they are unpredictable and that unpredictability is very dangerous so you are right to be concerned, it might only have been an upset stomach this time but no-one knows what the reaction might be next time

Hiphopopotamus Sat 22-Jun-13 21:32:52

oops - just read the whole thread properly blush

Sorry - YANBU!

Frustratedartist Sun 23-Jun-13 00:11:40

After a while, I gave up reading..
I had a problem with our school ignoring my daughters nut allergy.
I think you need to politely but firmly and clearly complain. I would put it in writing in the first place so that there is a clear record. Follow it up with a conversation
Also train your daughter to ask every time if food is suitable for her. (Dairy- esp milk is such a prevalent ingredient.) It's good for her to learn to ask for herself. She may not understand exactly what she's saying- but it should at least prompt an adult to think.
I found the courses run by the anaphylaxis campaign to be extremely helpful.

vole3 Sun 23-Jun-13 06:33:11

This week it was my sons birthday and I sent cakes in for his year including a batch of egg / dairy / gluten / soya / nut free cupcakes that I made before the 'normal' kind to prevent cross contamination (cleaned like crazy beforehand too). Made too much vegan frosting so all of them got it.

I am trained to use an epipen as part of my job and XH had a fish allergy.
Have the school had training? Getting your surgery to give the staff training in its use might reinforce how severe allergies can be and increase vigilance for potential allergens.

Altinkum Sun 23-Jun-13 07:01:30

The lack of knowledge in here is astounding.

Most allergies, usually trigger by the 2nd dose.

By this I mean say penicillin, (as a very common allergy) ds1 took his first dose, was fine, although a little run down, upset tummy, tummy pains.... however with a child needing antibiotics this for any parent you would this down to the illness. As not many would connect the two.

Second dose given, 3 mins later me and myself and dh rushing him to A&E as ds face swelled up, stated having breathing difficulties etc..... We now carry a epi pen for him.

Ds2 food allergies are complex, he can't take some medications either, as they contain either cirtuis or lactose. However depending what he has accidentally eaten, he may be like his brother, and be in stage 1, if its cirtus he goes straight into stage 2. He also has a epi pen.

So in this case it may be a mild tummy reaction, however next time it can go into full anaphylactic shock, even months down the line as the allergen will still be in the body.

MrsLouisTheroux Sun 23-Jun-13 07:49:54

You should provide your DD with an allergy bracelet if she cannot speak up when offered food.
She can at least show them it. I would be hard pushed to remember the allergies of each child. Also, at 4, I guess your DD knows she can't eat cake? So why did she?

MrsLouisTheroux Sun 23-Jun-13 07:54:52

chocolate buttons on the cake even.

tiptapkeyboard Sun 23-Jun-13 08:09:33

This thread is terrible. Shocked at the advice given by TSC!

It could be that because it was cooked and a tiny amount the reaction was just mild. Allergies are funny things and can depend sometimes on what form the food is in. Cooking can denature some proteins that cause the problems.

Yes speak to them and remind them.

Your DD could carry a card with her in her bag stating she allergic to X if she shy speaking.

SuffolkNWhat Sun 23-Jun-13 08:34:37

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

LoveBeingUpAt4InTheMorning Sun 23-Jun-13 08:47:45

I think people are getting a bit confused, the op doesn't need you to believe she has an allergy.

Op thank god it wasn't worse. Has she has reactions to cooked dairy before? When dd was being tested they said sometimes reactions can be different when cooked.

I think you do need to go. The truth is the process has failed, they and you are lucky it was such a mild reaction but next time might not be so lucky.

MyNameIsRio Sun 23-Jun-13 09:39:50

MrsLouis - she probably ate ate it because she was given it. Perhaps it looked delicious. She has her "own" versions of cake - also given to her at school as I give them absolutely loads.

Thank you for so many helpful replies. I have looked on the allergy board now and am so pleased to have found it.

OhForDUCKS - I have tried to pm you but I don't know if it has worked.

RowanMumsnet (MNHQ) Sun 23-Jun-13 10:17:00

Hello there

Thanks for the reports about this thread. Please remember our Talk Guidelines. We don't think it's on that people should be accused of being hysterical because they're worried about their child's health.


Pancakeflipper Sun 23-Jun-13 15:02:57

MrsLouisT - my 4 yr old is brilliant at telling people he is dairy-free. But it's bloody confusing for me neither mind him. Unless you have the packaging it is impossible to know if dairy is in.

For example some Jaffa cakes don't have dairy in. Some do. Same with jammie dodgers, same with jam tarts, same with those individual apple and blackberry pies, same with crisps, same with bread, same with oven chips, same with ham, same with sausages, same with chicken, etc etc..... Some do and some don't.

I make dairy-free chocolate brownies and chocolate cake for my DS2 so I have to explain our version is ok but any other wont be. For a 4 yr old it is not an easy concept.

Altinkum Sun 23-Jun-13 15:23:36

my 3.11 year old struggles with his, I think a lot of people on here have exceptionally bright 4 year olds, because mine has complex allergies, and at a very young 4 he has no idea, he says NO to all food that I haven't given him, even if they are OK, he just does not have the understanding, and at his age, I don't expect him too.

valiumredhead Sun 23-Jun-13 15:28:08

This thread just shows the ignorance surrounding allergies.

OP I would put it in writing, at 4 it is 100% the adult's responsibility to ensure allergic children aren't given food that will make them ill.

As they get older they learn to remind people they are allergic,4 is too young to be responsible enough. I still have to remind my ds now and again and he's 12 although friends assure me he is very good at checking when he's away from home.

One thing that ds's primary school did was have a pic of children with allergies on the wall so any one new coming into the class room could instantly check before giving out food.

MiaowTheCat Sun 23-Jun-13 15:37:56

The teacher probably genuinely just didn't think and feels awful. How you choose to approach that aspect is up to you.

However, and I'm speaking as an ex supply teacher here, what I'd suggest is worth doing if the school haven't done something already for the CLASSROOM (there's usually a wall with this stuff on in the staffroom but lots of supplies don't make it down there) - with your child's photo, name on and a brief explanation of "I have an allergy to milk" plus a list of some of the things that this has an impact upon - and some of the less obvious stuff that may be likely to appear in a primary classroom (it's only now I'm faced with allergy issues with DD2 that I'm really starting to get clued up as to what sneaks into what foodstuff myself). Might also (you shouldn't have to in an ideal world yes but we don't live in one) be worth doing what a former colleague did and buying a small multipack of something "treaty" that your child CAN eat and asking the teacher to keep them in their cupboard for future occasions when treats are being given out that might not be suitable (I'm thinking of occasions like when birthday treats come into class - that sort of thing).

chillinwithmyyonis Sun 23-Jun-13 16:05:29

I've not read the whole read, but I can predict many of the responses. My dd has started reception this year, she hasn't any allergies thankfully, but the amount of non-lunchbox food she's had exposure to is frankly ridiculous. Every time its someones birthday, christmas, easter, a teacher is leaving, a teachers birthday, baking lessons, playtime cake sales.

If not for all that crap, which it is as its just junk food, it'd be easy to manage a child's allergies as you'd only have to worry about a fruit snack in the morning and their lunchbox and making sure they don't eat anyone elses food.

It was not like that when I was at school, and I'm only 28, this is a stupid recent tradition.

The reason it worrys me is that my ds is only 2 and is allergic to peanuts and dairy for which he requires an epipen. God know what we'll do when it comes to him starting school. I may have his allergies tatooed on his forehead.

Sirzy Sun 23-Jun-13 16:09:45

I'm nearly 30 and we has sweets for people's birthdays, cakes made in school, things from teachers at holidays etc. so it isn't a new thing.

My sister has a nut allergy and is triggered by them in the environment so the school had a no nuts policy, my parents also provided a bag of "safe" snacks for her. Thankfully she only had one reaction in school (which happened when someone flouted the "no nuts please" rule)

insancerre Sun 23-Jun-13 16:20:24

* I would be hard pushed to remember the allergies of each child. Also, at 4, I guess your DD knows she can't eat cake? So why did she?*

So now it's the child's fault?
As for remembering the allergies of each child, when it's your job to look after them day after day, you do remember them.

valiumredhead Sun 23-Jun-13 17:42:55

Oh yes because 4 year old are well known for doing as they are toldhmm

At 4a child trusts an adult knows what they are doing, it's not until later when they are older they know to question it.

Scholes34 Sun 23-Jun-13 17:53:11

Not a complaint to the Head, but a polite reminder.

valiumredhead Sun 23-Jun-13 18:16:55

I wouldn't complain, but I would put out in writing so of it ever happens again you have something to refer to. I would see the teacher and the head and adopt the tone of 'I know it was a mistake and you wouldn't do anything to hurt dd on purpose but we must make sure this doesn't happen again etc etc.'

valiumredhead Sun 23-Jun-13 18:17:10

In not out

greenbananas Sun 23-Jun-13 19:30:02

Rio, so glad your daughter is okay.

Wading in late here, but want to say you are absolutely not being hysterical. So sad that so many people are just saying there was no harm done.

Of course the teacher made an honest mistake. .. nobody would do a thing like this on purpose! Going against the grain, but I would put a complaint in writing, possibly to the governors, asking for the school procedures to be reviewed. An "honest mistake" like this could have resulted in a very serious reaction and could possibly even kill a child.

I agree with those who are saying that young children are capable of telling people that they have allergies. My own 4 year old has severe multiple allergies and I am confident that he would not eat anything which had not been okayed by me or his dad. However, it is simply not on to expect a smallchild to take this level of responsibility. The teacher should have been made aware of your daughter's allergy.

Seriously, I would complain to the school in writing. The procedures failed, and that is a problem they should be addressing. By making a calm and well-managed fuss about this, you could prevent your daughter having a more serious reaction another time, and you might even save the life of a child in the future

And do come over to the allergy board smile.

greenbananas Sun 23-Jun-13 19:46:50

(When I say complain in writing, what I really mean is that you should maybe make an appointment to see theheadteacher and go with a letter in your hand, so that you can smile and explain that you want to supportthe school in doing everything they can to keep your daughter and all other children with allergies and other special needs safe while they are in school. Obviously you should be as helpful as possible - any school worthy of their funding will bend over backwards to reassure you that this will never happen again. )

TheSecondComing Sun 23-Jun-13 22:55:09

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

BalloonSlayer Mon 24-Jun-13 06:43:37

The teacher probably genuinely just didn't think and feels awful.

In that case the teacher should have spoken to the OP and told her what had happened and apologised profusely. It appears to have been left to the TA. hmm

MiaowTheCat Mon 24-Jun-13 09:22:48

If the teacher is, as in the OP, the new teacher doing a class visit for the day - they're no doubt not likely to even be physically IN the school again until the end of term now so no wonder the TA has been left with the clearup!

babybarrister Tue 25-Jun-13 21:35:56

The Anaphylaxis Campaign has excellent advice re schools and early years - have a look at their website or give their helpline a ring - they know everything there is to know!!

ThatsNotMyDinosaur Tue 25-Jun-13 22:29:43

OP you need to speak to the school.
This time they slipped up and gave her some cake with baked in milk, probably she only consumed a small amount of milk and why she has an upset stomach and nothing much else. A lucky escape, the new teacher could have given her some chocolate and you might have spent the rest of the day in A&E.

Next time if they slip up with a ham sandwich, forgetting it has butter or margarine in it, the consequences could be much, much worse.

The issue isn't about how ill it did or didn't make her, the issue is that they failed to protect her.

I'm all for the child learning to check themselves by asking if food is safe, but at 4 that is just baby steps towards getting them to take some responsibility for their condition as they grow up. At 4, the responsibility to check foods lies squarely with the teacher.

ToomuchIsBackOnBootcamp Tue 25-Jun-13 22:54:04

Am wondering how Op got on with discussing this with the teacher/HT, please come back and let us know OP. <if you haven't fled to the allergy board never to return, and I wouldn't blame you at all if you did, this thread is er, disappointing in some of the comments).

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