To NOT book DD a pamper party? She's DESPERATE apparently.

(143 Posts)
NeoMaxiZoomDweebie Fri 21-Jun-13 20:36:18

She's about to turn 9. She was/is a very shy child but this year has seen something of a turnaround. In fact I hardly recognise her. hmm

She's got some lovely friends old and new...she appears to be turning into a "pink and girly" girl and is asking for a pamper party....where they have a "makeover" etc.

I want her to have a pottery painting party.

AIBU not to do the pamper thing? It's going agin the grain!

YABU. It's her birthday.

IsThisAGoodIdea Fri 21-Jun-13 20:44:23

Where did she even learn the word "pamper"? confused

DeskPlanner Fri 21-Jun-13 20:44:30

YANBU, horrible idea, hate this sort of thing. But it is the sort of thing to help her confidence. Sits on fence

If she wants a pamper party, and that's what her and her friends have got in mind a pottery painting party is going to go down like a lead balloon!!

If you don't want to do the pamper party, (can't blame you, but I probably would - it is her birthday after all) do something else that's a bit more grown up as that is clearly what she is angling for. How about a pamper day with you... find a spa day where you could have a massage, a swim, lunch perhaps? or a cinema trip, or ice skating?? Pottery painting is for very young children or adults, not DC who are becoming preteens.

WafflyVersatile Fri 21-Jun-13 20:46:33

In a couple of years she'll want to be a goth and you will look back on this time with fond nostalgia.

AnaisB Fri 21-Jun-13 20:48:00

I understand why some people might not want a pamper party for their DD, but why do you want her to do a pottery painting party?

YANBU (but paint your own pottery if you're that into it!)

runningonwillpower Fri 21-Jun-13 20:48:08

I totally hate this sort of thing. But....

for a shy girl coming out of her shell I would go for the pamper thing. It's going to be pink nail varnish and glitter - what the hell.

reddaisy Fri 21-Jun-13 20:49:52

Let her have a pamper party if that is what she wants! I am a feminist but feminism is about women having a choice and a pamper party is what she wants to choose!

CaptainSweatPants Fri 21-Jun-13 20:50:12

A disco would be better than pottery
You could paint nails during it

pictish Fri 21-Jun-13 20:51:31

Yabu.

I often feel as though the anti pink thing goes too far, whereby little girls are no longer allowed to enjoy being girly at all anymore.

If it's what she really wants and cost isn't an issue, I don't see the problem.

Bejeena Fri 21-Jun-13 20:53:06

I think you are unreasonable yes, it is her birthday after all. I am not saying I agree with pamper parties but she is 9 and it is an impressionable age, not like 5 when one day she is into this and next day into that. It is easy to make an impression on other 9 year olds and this is what she wants to do. It will probably boost her confidence no end.

Give her the pamper party and go pottery painting with her on your own if you want her to do it that much

BsshBossh Fri 21-Jun-13 20:53:18

YABU. She's coming out of her shell finally. If "pampering" is what it takes to make her feel good both within herself and amongst her group then let her. She'll be a surly, black-wearing teen soon so you'll never have to see pink and glitter again!

josephinebruce Fri 21-Jun-13 20:56:17

9 years old and a pamper party? Fucking hell.

pictish Fri 21-Jun-13 20:57:36

What's wrong with it Josephine?

soverylucky Fri 21-Jun-13 20:59:43

I think 9 is too old for parties.
I think 9 is too young to go to a spa and have a massage.
I think there is nothing wrong with a 9 year old having a pottery painting party. I understand that this isn't everyone's cup of tea.
I think if you are paying and you don't want her to do it then she shouldn't get the pamper party. If she can't come up with something else just let her go to the cinema with a friend or something like that. What about a sleepover as a compromise where her and her friends will probably do their own thing which will involve messing about with each others hair and trying on different clothes?

soverylucky Fri 21-Jun-13 21:01:00

BTW - my dd got invited to a pamper party at 6. It was all very tame - plaited hair and nail varnish - she was very bored.

pictish Fri 21-Jun-13 21:03:21

She was bored? Even though she had other children for company?
I've never known my kids to be bored at any type of party when there are other kids to hang out with.

NeoMaxiZoomDweebie Fri 21-Jun-13 21:06:13

My Dd has been to one of these things....the one I looked at when coerced by her was an "older" girls one...so aimed at 10 year olds. It seems to be hair and nails, a little makeup and then "cocktails" hmm

I dunno. Some friends in her class have had pottery parties this year...they're "young" 9s and 10s. Not a sophisticated bunch. I just don't know. She doesn't want bowling either. I won't do sleepovers. Not going there!

RhondaJean Fri 21-Jun-13 21:06:32

YAbu. I agree with waffle. My dd1 had a pamper party for her 9th birthday, she now lives in black and while I know this is a phase too I'm glad she ha the glittery phase.

Mind you, Im all for a bit of nail art and glitter eyeshadow, spray in hair colour etc, not the one I read about on here this week where children were getting ears pierced and fake tans!

Growlithe Fri 21-Jun-13 21:07:25

I looked at the title of the thread and was going to come on here to say their minds can be changed if you sell them another idea smartly enough.

Then I read she was turning 9 and was coming out of her shell. I've got a 9 yo girl. It's a very funny age. Mine is becoming more image conscious in that her hair has to be just so for school, with a nice hairband. I think this helps her self esteem so I took her to get a good haircut in a slightly more grown up style and I'm loving the effect it's having on her confidence, even though deep down I want to lecture her that having nice hair is not the be all of everything.

I don't know your DD, but I'm guessing this sort of party would do wonders for her too, in terms of making her feel more grown up.

Boomba Fri 21-Jun-13 21:08:34

Over my cold dead body, will my dds have a fucking pamper party. Yeuck

PearlyWhites Fri 21-Jun-13 21:08:40

Yabu she is your dd she is not you and maybe she doesn't like pottery.A couple of hours playing with make up at a party is no different to a three year old putting on mummy's heels it's just dress up.
If your dd actually wanted to wear make up the rest of the time that would be different.

NeoMaxiZoomDweebie Fri 21-Jun-13 21:09:06

I hear you Growlithe....it IS important that she's given room for self expression.;

Boomba Fri 21-Jun-13 21:13:59

My dd is as pink and glittery and ghettotastic as is possible. I have no doubt that her adult life will revolve around shoes and bags.

Fine

But a 9 year old shouldn't be encoraged to preempt and titivate as a birthday treat, or for confidence. They should be our having fun. Exercise is great for confidence. Do a roller skating party, iceskating, swimming, founders in the park, bike ride, cinema....there's loads of options

ChippingInWiredOnCoffee Fri 21-Jun-13 21:14:59

It wouldn't be my choice of party and I would try to encourage her to do something else (horseriding?) but if her heart was set on it, I'd let her do it - they wont go to hell in a handcart will they.

ChippingInWiredOnCoffee Fri 21-Jun-13 21:15:58

Yes Boomba there are - but this is what she wants to do. It's not the end of the world to put some nailpolish on and hair their hair braided fgs.

Bonsoir Fri 21-Jun-13 21:18:37

Sounds fine to me. My DD will be 9 at her next birthday - if she wants a pamper party I will be happy to deliver.

Bonsoir Fri 21-Jun-13 21:19:35

My DD was clamouring to learn Latin this afternoon. Now that I do have problems with!

JackNoneReacher Fri 21-Jun-13 21:20:51

I would strongly resist a pamper party. But wouldn't insist on the pottery painting which sounds really dull to me.

Is there a compromise? Something different?

NeoMaxiZoomDweebie Fri 21-Jun-13 21:21:51

There's a salon...a nice one which offers girls package...bit of glitter and hair up and nails done. Then I could take them for an ice cream/cake at a lovely parlor nearby....

diddl Fri 21-Jun-13 21:23:52

Surely though the "pampering" can be as much or as little as you are willing to allow?

There's a compromise to be had.

Floggingmolly Fri 21-Jun-13 21:24:32

Oh go on. They're only hideous from an adult perspective; the kids love them!

soverylucky Fri 21-Jun-13 21:27:25

*She was bored? Even though she had other children for company?
I've never known my kids to be bored at any type of party when there are other kids to hang out with.*

That is why she was bored. She couldn't play with her friends as they were sitting waiting for their nails to dry. Or she was waiting while they had their hair braided. She was 6 and would have preferred to have not been sat around doing nothing whilst another girl had some glitter put on her. There wasn't the opportunity to play.

PatsysPyjamas Fri 21-Jun-13 21:28:34

I remember my 9th birthday as it was a real success. We each had our own t-shirts (could make it cotton shopping bags instead) to decorate with fabric paint, glitter, jewels etc, then we designed and ate ice creams sundaes. You could add a bit of nail varnish or hair braiding. it's nice as each girl gets to take home something they have made. Possibly this would seem too young now as children grow up younger these days, but it might feel more comfortable than make up and cocktails.

TooMuchRain Fri 21-Jun-13 21:28:37

I really don't like the idea of preening as an activity at that age and think they would be much better actually doing something, but it's tricky if that's what she wants already, just a bit sad that she does at that age...

MammaTJ Fri 21-Jun-13 21:30:26

Do not book her a pamper party and all the expense that entails. Do buy a few prrl off face masks, nail varnishes and other bits and bobs and have a pmaper party at home.

Get a friend who is in to that kind of thing to help out. Not too much money spent, everyone happy!!

MammaTJ Fri 21-Jun-13 21:33:58

peel*

Growlithe Fri 21-Jun-13 21:34:06

Boomba exercise is something that should obviously be part of their normal routine. This is a shy girl coming out of her shell, and choosing what she wants to do with her friends for her birthday.

And I would much rather do this than have a sleepover. grin

Boomba Fri 21-Jun-13 21:35:03

I fail to see how applying nail varnish and having a hair braid, constitutes any kind of party. Sounds lame, as well as inappropriate

Cherriesarelovely Fri 21-Jun-13 21:36:02

I can't see much point in a "cinema" party Boomba as noone actually gets to play or chat and maybe Op's Dd isn't into sporty stuff. I find some of the "pampering" sort of activities a bit yuk but a bit of nail varnish and hair brading.....jeez, why not? Fwiw my Dd and my Dp often have pampering nights and my Dp is a female pilot who is anything but girly in day to day life! I'd let her but obviously steer it so it is within the bounds of good taste!

Boomba Fri 21-Jun-13 21:39:37

Don't have one them cherries!

I aren't asking for views/advice. OP asked for opinions on pampered parties

NeoMaxiZoomDweebie Fri 21-Jun-13 21:39:50

Boomba I know what you're saying...it's not a "party" at all is it....it's more of a "treat" or a Birthday Outing. I suppose that's the thing...when you're 9 going on 19 you don't want a "party" anymore.

Cherriesarelovely Fri 21-Jun-13 21:40:15

It's about the fact that this little girl has made some new friends and that is what they are into.....I would draw the line at actual make up. My sil did a full on makeover party for her Dds aged 7, they had full make up on....it was odd!

soverylucky Fri 21-Jun-13 21:40:54

Kids do seem to grow up quicker these days and I guess we all have our own theories on why this is - I personally think it is largely because parents encourage them to grow up quickly then moan when they do.

pictish Fri 21-Jun-13 21:41:18

I fail to see how applying nail varnish and having a hair braid, constitutes any kind of party.

You mean outside of the fact that they enjoy it?

NeoMaxiZoomDweebie Fri 21-Jun-13 21:41:22

Cherries she is in fact the most UN sporty kid in the world. She loves makeup and anything to do with that and she always has...she was 3 and showing a deep interest in the cosmetics counter. I am very un preened...I wear a bit of mascara and have my hair done but no nails or anything.

zzzzz Fri 21-Jun-13 21:43:34

I wouldn't do a pamper party. Dd got invited to one at 9 and was only allowed to go because it was her best friends birthday and i felt backed intoa corner . She had her hair braided but I don't allow make up on children unless its face paint to be a lion or whatever, so the rest she just giggled with the girls waiting.

NeoMaxiZoomDweebie Fri 21-Jun-13 21:43:48

Cherries you've hit the nail on the head there....it is amazing that she's where she is. She was a silent child two years ago....no confidence at all. Now she's getting some guts and confidence and if it IS down to her newish "girly" mates then good on them.

PatsysPyjamas Fri 21-Jun-13 21:44:16

It sounds kind of like you want to do it. Are you worried other parents won't approve?

Remotecontrolduck Fri 21-Jun-13 21:46:02

Let her have it. She doesn't want a pottery party, it's her birthday. Why spend money on something she doesn't want?

Perhaps incorporate other elements into it, party with in the garden with music, jewellery marking, or a disco in a hall or something, with some nail painting and a few sparkly hair clips thrown in for the 'pamper' element.

But don't just ignore her wishes totally. There's nothing wrong with girls liking 'girly' things, I feel like things are going too far in the other direction now rather than a balance being achieved. It's not all all-consuming thing, putting nail varnish on doesn't mean her looks are all she's going to care about forever.

neontetra Fri 21-Jun-13 21:48:53

Yikes! Well, I think, if it is what dd has set her heart on, and it is her bday, you need to try and do it. But if it was me, I'd do it at home, and put a bit of a spin on it. For example, encourage her to invite male friends too (why can't they join in? Personal grooming is for all). And maybe options re nail varnish, disposable tattoos, jewelry etc which arent just pink and sparkly and reflect different styles. And maybe some fun physical activity, so an emphasis on feeling good, not just looking good. Dunno. These ideas might be rubbish to a 9 year old. Just considering possibilities.

Mumsyblouse Fri 21-Jun-13 21:50:47

I wouldn't do it for my 9 year old as she's allergic to all make-up/face paints anyway, but also I'm not that keen on her thinking this is appropriate for her age. I'd say no and go for a swimming party or something instead, last birthday I took 6 children to the local leisure centre and then a meal afterwards and they loved it.

The only exception might be if all the other girls were having these type of parties and she wanted to reciprocate, but round here I think some of the mums would find it odd (as would I) and we also have boys along, so not really appropriate at all!

Cherriesarelovely Fri 21-Jun-13 21:50:53

I wasn't trying to give you veiws or advice, I was commenting on your post which I am allowed to do.

Fantail Fri 21-Jun-13 21:52:10

I like Patsy's idea. A crafty element as well as something a little bit grown up.

I actually don't have a problem with this party at 9 as long as activities are reasonably age appropriate so hair dos and glittery stuff yes, spray tans and vouchers for boob jobs in the party bag no.

You could add a dress up element to it - dress up as you favourite movie character, get a couple of 16 year olds and make one bedroom the dressing room. Keep party games - pin the sunglasses on the movie star etc

Fakebook Fri 21-Jun-13 21:54:53

I don't see the problem with a "pamper" party for a 9 year old. A bit confused about all the "yuck" type comments. It's not like they're 5 or 6.

I wouldn't mind dd having that type of party at that age, but I wouldn't approve of make up as she has quite sensitive skin and I hate lipstick on young girls. Just a mani/pedi and maybe a hair do.

A pottery party sounds a bit baawring.

SirChenjin Fri 21-Jun-13 21:55:47

I hate the whole girly/spa/pink/pamper/princess crapola as much as the next sensible woman, but on this occasion (ie her birthday) I think you have to suck it up (through gritted teeth). Imagine if you decided you really, really wanted to do X for your birthday and someone else decided that they wanted you do to Y - I suspect you might not be too thrilled! It's a birthday, a once a year event - as long as you don't encourage said crapola the rest of the time I think it's fine.

joanofarchitrave Fri 21-Jun-13 21:55:50

I think it's ok if not imposed on her. I have to say that the word 'pamper' brings me out in hives, would she go for a 'glitter party' instead or something.... but that's a personal thing. the idea of children being encouraged to 'relax' in a commercialised way makes me homicidal, but playing with colours, body painting etc is fun, or at least could be.

Could still involve face-painting but lovely hippyish flowers, butterflies, geometric/greek key designs, leaves and branches along their feet and ankles, thunderflashes, gothicky nail art... lots of multicoloured hair sprays... candlemaking? sweetmaking? all could be fun and really not an imposition of a femininity straitjacket. I have to say that I would never have had the confidence to be girly at the same age - good for your dd.

expatinscotland Fri 21-Jun-13 22:00:11

YABU.

pictish Fri 21-Jun-13 22:00:19

I just cannot truly get my head around why some folks are so haughty about this?
What do they think will happen as a result of it?

Cherriesarelovely Fri 21-Jun-13 22:00:35

I really do know what you.mean Op. My Dd is way more into clothes and things like that than either me or Dp. Obviously we make sure she pursues her interests in ways that are age appropriate but as another poster wrote it is not ALL she is into, she does kung fu, music, all sorts. It would seem unfair not to allow her to enjoy and express this part of her personality.

Fantail Fri 21-Jun-13 22:13:37

Just thinking about this some more, just make absolutely sure that it is what she wants and not just her friends.

But if this what she is in to then do it in a 9 year old friendly way. Some girls are girly afterall. smile

NeoMaxiZoomDweebie Fri 21-Jun-13 22:17:52

Patsy I wasn't sure but I'm not worried about the parents. A few girls in her year have had similar and one was for all the girls not just a few and they all came no problem.

NeoMaxiZoomDweebie Fri 21-Jun-13 22:20:39

Fan I have no doubt she wants it...she's always loved makeup and clothes.

Fantail Fri 21-Jun-13 22:24:29

I think that is your answer. I think a element of design a t-shirt or bag would be a good compliment.

joanofarchitrave Fri 21-Jun-13 22:25:41

ooh. [wants to do a design-a-bag activity at my own next birthday programme]

NeoMaxiZoomDweebie Fri 21-Jun-13 22:43:38

I'm not going to do it myself! Utter nightmare....no way. The places here don't offer any craft/pamper things unfortunately.

Startail Fri 21-Jun-13 22:45:43

9 is fine, by 9 DD had a very clear idea of what was fashionable to wear, but too young to do make up, nails or hair well herself.
She'd have thought a pamper party was fun.

Now at 12 she'd tell the host they were doing it all wrong.

PatsysPyjamas Fri 21-Jun-13 22:47:26

Joan, I am actually thinking of doing it for my DD's next birthday so I can join in too grin She'll be 7. Also, for sleepover parties, you could decorate your own pillowcase. They sell kits for this in Paperchase, but they're about £20 for one set. Clearly, you could just buy the cases and the materials separately and do it yourself.

I get that it's her birthday, etc, etc, but I do shudder at the idea of 9yo pamper parties. feel free to point this out in 2 years time when DD is demanding one

Is there no room for compromise? Jewellery making? T-shirt painting /decorating?

PatsysPyjamas Fri 21-Jun-13 23:00:18

I feel the same, stealthsquiggle, and also have an almost-7 year old. I'm assuming a lot of growing up will happen in the next two years! I really don't want to see her in make up before secondary school though. Some of my DD's 6 yr old friends already wear make up to parties sad

snickersnacker Fri 21-Jun-13 23:07:22

By all means veto the pamper party if it makes you uncomfortable, but making children paint pottery against their will is downright cruel wink

zzzzz Fri 21-Jun-13 23:26:47

I don't think of makeup as "girlie", for me it is "womanly". I would hate to see 9 year old little girls in makeup.

StuntGirl Fri 21-Jun-13 23:41:30

Well on the one hand I wouldn't as I don't think its appropriate for 9 year olds.

On the other hand you seem to have a very set criteria for what you are willing to do, so if you disallow this and the twenty or so other options you have been given, I'm not sure where you go from there.

So on that basis I will say YABU.

Frankly I think you should suck it up and make some effort for your own child's birthday.

LittleprincessinGOLDrocks Fri 21-Jun-13 23:42:44

I think it depends on how much make up is used.
If it is a bit of sparkly lip gloss / coloured lip balms, sparkly or neon nail varnish and a bit of glittery eye shadow - I don't see the harm. I would even allow my DD that now and she is only 6. shock lol.

Foundation, mascara, fake tan - no way.

I wouldn't force my DD to have a pottery painting party if she didn't want it, and I love to pottery paint.

I would look in to the local beauticians offering such parties and ask them what they normally do at these parties, and find one you are comfortable with.

LittleprincessinGOLDrocks Fri 21-Jun-13 23:45:07

* Note DD does not wear make up or nail varnish to parties, I meant I would allow her a pamper party this year if she asked, as long as it was more girly glittery than full on make up *

NeoMaxiZoomDweebie Sat 22-Jun-13 00:18:45

Stunt I did offer her skating, bowling, horse riding, arts and crafts, pottery.....no....she doesn't want any of them. Our house is far too small for a gaggle of small girls to come to nevr mind sleepover. I can't host and there are no options other than this that she wants.

StuntGirl Sat 22-Jun-13 01:17:38

Ah ok. I apologise. Your post read as if you had just just disregarded every option while fixating on this pottery thing.

Like I said, personally I wouldn't because I don't feel make up on a child is appropriate. I am aware others feel differently. How strongly do you feel about it?

Twattybollocks Sat 22-Jun-13 07:49:28

Pamper parties start early round here, dd went to her first one last year aged 6. She came home with sparkly pink nail varnish, clear lip gloss, blue eyeshadow with lots of glitter and her hair done up in a pretty ribbon bow thing.
She had a whale of a time, and tea was a picnic on the carpet with the dolls and a small tea set with water in as well as party food. They were playing at being grown up. Totally age appropriate, and no different to playing at dressing up in princess clothes, or fireman outfits etc as role play.
As long as it doesn't involve fake tan, false eyelashes and gel nails i don't see a problem with it.
Dd is having a hot tub party this year, but rather than relaxing in the tub and chatting, I'm quite sure it will actually be a paddling pool/water party with the added bonus of the water being nice and warm and with bubbles and lights, no big deal in my book, and it beats sitting round a table in a sweaty soft play listening to 100 or so kids screaming and running around. At least I get to relax in the hot tub myself afterwards!

I don't know what I'd do if I were you! Probably be bulldozed into it.

I hate parties where the girls sit around having things done to them - I want them to do things!

The idea of incorporating glitter/tshirt making etc is good.

Eastpoint Sat 22-Jun-13 08:10:18

My oldest DD has helped at pamper/spa parties. She and a friend painted nails for an friend's daughters party. If you have any teenager babysitters you could see if they will help. There was a mini nail salon in one room, towels laid out on a bed so they could have facials in another, hair styling & temporary tattoos. The party attendees had little voucher books (a4 folded up) and could have each treatment once. They had grapes, fruit etc as you eat heathily at a spa. I think having it at home made it seem less commercial & more how to look after yourself now you are getting older.

littlewhitebag Sat 22-Jun-13 08:13:07

My DD had a pamper party when she was about 7 I think. It was lovely and relaxing rather than the chaotic noisy usual parties. It was all very tame. Pale nail polish, child friendly products etc. The girls loved it.

Branleuse Sat 22-Jun-13 08:18:18

just let her have a fucking pamper party ffs.

Have a pottery party for YOUR birthday instead. Shes telling you loud and clear what she wants. Let her get it out of her system

soverylucky Sat 22-Jun-13 08:25:49

The thought of my dd knowing what a spa is let alone wanting to pretend she is in one - just shows we are all different and all like different things!

BrandiBroke Sat 22-Jun-13 12:06:27

I really don't understand the view that it's her birthday so she should be allowed to do whatever the hell she wants. She is still a child and if her mum wants to veto something she can.

I know exactly what my mum would have said if I'd wanted a 'pamper party' aged 9. She would have said no. If I then said I didn't want any of the parties she then suggested she would have said 'that's ok, you don't have to have a party.' I am sure I would then have quickly chosen another option and had a great time. I'm sure the OP's daughter has lots of interests and would love doing something else if she is told she can't do the pamper party.

If the OP decides there's no harm in it then that's up to her and she should go ahead and let her do it. But just because a child wants something and it's her birthday is no reason to give in if you are against it.

Hulababy Sat 22-Jun-13 12:13:35

Wouldn't be my first choice, but at 9y and if that was what they really wanted, I'd let her. Nail polish, hair braiding, bit of lip glass and glitter.

I'd check what they do in the in between bits whilst waiting, or finished though.

FanjoForTheMammaries Sat 22-Jun-13 12:18:19

Branleuse shock

What happened to polite discussion on here

Branleuse Sat 22-Jun-13 12:24:04

i dont know, ive never tried it fanjo ;)

seriously though, its not like shes asking for a stippers party. Its something that loads of little girls and probably boys would enjoy. Smellies, and glittery shit, they love it.
All 3 of my DCs would love it, and two of them are boys.

As long as youre not waxing and shaving, surely its just skincare and hair plaiting and colourful nails??

FanjoForTheMammaries Sat 22-Jun-13 12:26:23

As it happens I agree with you. .and it will mean so much to her to be popular with her friends.

You were just a little err strident grin

zzzzz Sat 22-Jun-13 13:00:31

I guess it is really down to your attitude to make-up etc OP. Make up on children hits me like fake tan or thongs for children. I don't see it as "now they are getting older this is how I'd like them to care for themselves", because I've taught them how to wash and brush their hair etc and that's what I feel is appropriate.

They have had braided hair on holiday and enjoyed the "clicky beads", but basically I don't want them in make up bottom line.

What do you want OP, because this is your call?

heronsfly Sat 22-Jun-13 13:16:03

My dd2 works a few hours on a saturday at a shop that offers childrens pamper parties, its all very tame as other posters have said, but one of the best bits is they all sit down to tea with proper tea pot, cups and saucers and are served tiny sandwiches and cakes grin that's probably how they fill up the time.
I think the op should look into what the pamper party venue is offering, she could be pleasantly surprised.

theodorakisses Sat 22-Jun-13 13:18:37

Pottery painting party sounds like a punishment, a sort of community service. Apart from that, what reddaisy said early on.

RhondaJean Sat 22-Jun-13 13:24:42

My dd2 had a pottery painting party for her 7th birthday and all the girls loved that too, they had a seperate room, got to paint and had music and then their food came in little boxes for them, it was really good. Don't slate it either!

lljkk Sat 22-Jun-13 13:33:12

Sounds like a Pamper party is just the middle school version of a Princess Party. Can't see the problem.

googietheegg Sat 22-Jun-13 13:51:44

My niece just turned 10 and she had a bath bomb making party - a kit bought off eBay for about 60 pounds, all girls sat round the kitchen table making bath bombs and then taking them home in a nice bag. Worked a treat!

theodorakisses Sat 22-Jun-13 15:01:20

Ok, I should say enforced pottery paintings party. My first foray into expatdom was a hideous scrap booking baby shower where a shiny suited woman forced us to make crafty photo frames. I got home and was so traumatised that I had to get very, very drunk to remind me I was alive. I now avoid all ladies only events by saying I simply don't find that sort of thing comfortable. Sorry, didn't mean to slate something your child really enjoyed, that sounded horrid, please accept my apology. It is my own trauma of crafty Afrikaans women not a happy child that formed my opinion.

theodorakisses Sat 22-Jun-13 15:09:38

It was a low blow, I really am sorry

RhondaJean Sat 22-Jun-13 15:20:18

Oh don't apologise that sounds awful - perhaps we need to replace community payback orders with enforced crafting sessions!

theodorakisses Sat 22-Jun-13 15:22:00

Seriously, if you let the Afrikaans ladies sewing group (my husband calls it the fascist sewing circle) run it, the would be no re offending!

NeoMaxiZoomDweebie Sat 22-Jun-13 15:25:10

Alright alright...no enforced pottery painting. I won't torture the kid.

I've double checked and the pamper preeny precious princess pinky puffle ploppy party is actually very reasonably priced. 2 hours, "hair up" hmm nails done and "light makeup" in addition to a disco room, buffet and "cocktails" again hmm She's happy. I'm less stressed.

theodorakisses Sat 22-Jun-13 15:29:32

The thing is, things girls of that age want are often naff. In the late 70s I thought I would just die if I couldn't have a windy house. My parents had a beautiful one made for me, a lovely Georgian townhouse and I was gutted it wasn't Mae of plastic. Fast forward a few years and I can remember wanting a donkey jacket and a horrible cardigan off the market in the style of a baseball jacket. I sulked for weeks over that . I also got banned from a shoe shop aged 6 for throwing a huge strop because my mean mum wouldn't buy me a pair of adult ladies white stilettos.

theodorakisses Sat 22-Jun-13 15:30:22

Sindy house

theodorakisses Sat 22-Jun-13 15:30:45

I would veto the light make up personally

Materfacit Sat 22-Jun-13 15:43:48

DD went to one of these last year for a girl's 8th birthday. I had a bit of a wobble about it but let her go.

DD came out with braided and glittery hair, a small flower painted on her cheek, rainbow nails in easy to remove nail varnish and rather a lot of temporary tattoos. The 4 or 5 boys and 5 girls who had also been invited were similarly decorated - the boys enjoyed it just as much I think. In between they had games and dancing so they weren't sitting around waiting for too long.

I think that was age appropriate, but I'd probably draw the line at lipstick, eyeshadow, mascara etc just because that seems a little bit too adult.

Branleuse Sat 22-Jun-13 16:55:06

is make up worse than face painting?

NeoMaxiZoomDweebie Sat 22-Jun-13 17:01:47

Theadora, it's clear lipgloss and some glitter. I don't think my serious, academic DD will suddenly become a wannabe pole dancer.

theodorakisses Sat 22-Jun-13 17:01:54

I think so a little bit but not sure it is a big deal except I would rather playing with make up was playing rather than wearing and looking good. Better to have smeared eye shadow and lipstick after a thieving session of my make up. Note to self never to keep a red permanent marker at home...

theodorakisses Sat 22-Jun-13 17:02:28

Not a huge deal though and not judging anyone

Cherriesarelovely Sat 22-Jun-13 17:34:21

Loved your last post op! Go for it, it sounds sweet and fun.

Growlithe Sat 22-Jun-13 17:54:42

pamper preeny precious princess pinky puffle ploppy party

Please tell me that is the real name of the party, and you aren't making it up.

I think it sounds great, and you are right, she won't become a wannabe pole dancer.

One danger though, and something you may want to consider - that party sounds like the party of a wannabe NETHUN shock shock shock

LeoandBoosmum Sun 23-Jun-13 14:51:25

I'm going to sound like an old fuddy duddy stick-in-the-mud but no way would I be letting a NINE year old have a pamper party! Inner confidence doesn't come from painting nails and having sparkly eye shadow applied. I'd try to do an exciting group activity (if you can afford it or get help from your daughter's friends' parents). Something like ice skating or bowling with a snack afterwards.
Also, just because its what your daughter 'wants' for her birthday, it doesn't mean that's what she should get. There is more to life for a young girl than being a painted doll... I blame the TOWIE culture... Rant over and I hope your little one has a nice day!

Floggingmolly Sun 23-Jun-13 14:57:30

It's a party, Leo; if op's daughter is lacking in inner confidence there are indeed better ways to address it, but I don't think that was the main objective of the party?

jessad Sun 23-Jun-13 15:04:35

Why don't you suggest she has a dinner party. Get out the posh china , champagne flutes, wine glasses. Offer red/ white grape juice. Sparkling apple or elderflower. Stipulate on the invitations that evening/ cocktail dresses should be worn. Carriages at end time. That will allow her to be grown up without all the make up etc. we did it for my DD. each chair had a helium sparkly balloon, table confetti etc. she loved it and it worked out much cheaper. DH cooked and wore a chefs hat, I wore Black and a white pinny.

LeoandBoosmum Sun 23-Jun-13 15:14:08

Flogging, I know it's a party but the OP was speaking about her daughter's confidence and that somehow became related to a 'pamper' party. I don't see the connection. I would just be trying my best, if my daughter were only nine, to steer her away from this idea that beauty = confidence. It doesn't... I think the OP said her daughter is adamant (now I read back through the posts) that she doesn't want to do other things like ice skating, bowling, going to the cinema etc I think that's manipulative behaviour on the part of the child to get what she wants and, birthday or not, it wouldn't fly with me. I would give several options I think are suitable and let her choose one. This idea that it's a child's birthday so give her or him what she wants (whether you approve of it or not) is ridiculous and why many kids are growing up to be 'entitled' adults.
I'm not a complete cow; my daughter would still get a birthday treat, just not a 'pamper party'. I'd explain that it is not age-appropriate and give her other options. The point is she gets to do something nice with a group of friends, isn't it? Why does that have be to having nails painted and gunk applied? If my daughter wouldn't choose something else, then I'd ask her to come to me when she had because a pamper party is not going to happen... Watch the kid pick something else and pronto smile

Floggingmolly Sun 23-Jun-13 15:26:26

Yes, fair enough, Leo, I hadn't realised the party was for that purpose, sorry.

UseHerName Sun 23-Jun-13 15:33:44

I think pottery painting is every bit as gendered as pampering confused - perhaps a little more middle-class though?

either way.....meh!

Growlithe Sun 23-Jun-13 21:57:44

Leo Why blame the TOWIE culture? Nine year old girls are far more likely to see their own mothers, teachers, brownie leaders, swimming instructors etc wearing make-up and having styled hair than the women of TOWIE, particularly as it is on too late for them.

Wanting to do you hair and wear makeup does not make you a vacuous bimbo whose only aim is to bag a man. My daughter idolises Helen Skelton from Blue Peter, who proves you can be have pretty hair, you can wear makeup, but you can still be a strong woman ready to face challenges most men would bauk at.

Like it or not, nine year olds are becoming image aware these days. As a parent I wouldn't want to ignore or poo poo this in my DD. She will still feel this way whether I acknowledge it or not. I'd rather talk to her about it, show her she can style her hair in different ways so that she likes the way it looks, but she still looks like a child.

And I can't emphasise that enough - she likes the way it looks - not boys, not her friends - her. That's the bit that's good for her confidence.

It sounds like the OPs DD is a hardworking girl in school who has a lovely set of girly friends who are bringing her out of her shell. They all sound like they'd enjoy this stuff, and unless she is taking them on the town after they get their hair put in a bun and put their clear lip gloss on, then really what is the harm in it?

NeoMaxiZoomDweebie Mon 24-Jun-13 07:21:52

To be fair my DD has never seen an episode of TOWIE, nor BGT or any reality TV. I don't buy magazines either....she's quite young for her age...they all are. I honestly think they just like the sparkliness of it all in the same way that I loved fairies when I was 10 in the 70s.

NeoMaxiZoomDweebie Mon 24-Jun-13 07:22:49

Meant to add that Growlithe you make me feel better about it all.

NeoMaxiZoomDweebie Mon 24-Jun-13 07:23:00

Thanks. flowers

PoppyAmex Mon 24-Jun-13 07:34:52

It's a tough one OP.

I think it's a bit of a funny message to say that DD will foster confidence through a pamper party.

Confidence doesn't come bottled in a glitter varnish and you run the risk of following that thought process further and do things like letting her dye her hair because it will be good for her self esteem.

Having said that, if she's totally committed to the idea, I like someone's suggestion up thread of turning it around a bit, doing it at home, inviting boys and making it a fun event.

CambridgeBlue Mon 24-Jun-13 07:38:18

Not sure what I'd do in the OP's situation, I'm torn. But I think you can totally blame the TOWIE/celeb culture for the existence of pamper parties - not because kids watch it but because idiots adults do.

I agree with OP I can't stand the concept of pamper parties for little girls, the idea is just foul IMO.

What about something along the lines of craft but a little more tailored to her ideal, there are some brilliant products on yellow moon eg where you can make/paint jewellery, piggy banks, design and paint T shirts. Or an active party eg ice skating, disco at home.

MortifiedAdams Mon 24-Jun-13 07:46:13

The hair up and nails painted would bother me, but the disco sounds odd and I would not be happy at cocktals ((yy, I know they are just fruit juice but selling them as 'cocktails') and light make up

Fairylea Mon 24-Jun-13 07:49:23

Yabu. My dd is 9 and pottery painting would be considered completely babyish by her and her friends, sorry. They are year 5.

She her birthday is coming up soon and she wants to take 4 friends out with us for pizza and the cinema in the evening.

A pamper party would also be appreciated.

It's her birthday. Her choice.

NeoMaxiZoomDweebie Mon 24-Jun-13 08:27:40

Listen...Upthread I explained that I cannot host at home. For verious reasons. I would if I could.

FairyLea as I said upthread these are young 9s and a number of girls have had pottery painting this year....they're not mature and enjoy craft parties.

Bonsoir Mon 24-Jun-13 09:24:34

I think that if you insist on pottery painting (or some other craft party) you might have a lot of bored and difficult 9 year olds on your hands!

NeoMaxiZoomDweebie Mon 24-Jun-13 09:41:12

Bonsoir I've booked the pamper party....said that earlier.

Fairylea Mon 24-Jun-13 09:48:37

Neo - but if a number of them have had pottery things already maybe that's precisely why they want something different?

BiBiBroccoli Mon 24-Jun-13 10:00:37

Glad you have gone with the pamper party. I just don't get all the shock horror reactions to little girls liking girly stuff and wanting to act grown up.

I have an 8 year old who loves this kind of thing. She also loves reading, dancing, art, biking and a million other things. She is a 'girly' girl and wants to play at being grown up. Last night she asked me which one of One Direction I had a crush on. She is clueless about what it means but she is just playing at being older than she is. I can remember being just the same.

It doesn't mean you will turn into a vacuous lolita with no self confidence who is unable to face the world without a spray tan, boob job and barbie frock.

I have a degree, a great career and a lovely husband. I also have my nails done and like sparkly stuff. The two things are not mutually exclusive!

I hope she has a lovely party!

ovenbun Mon 24-Jun-13 10:01:18

its such a tough one isn't it?
Perhaps you could do a slightly different one like ask for a funky feet party and so that the have sparkly pin toenails (you could do funny things like using a foot spa?...or a hair style party? i dont know why i would feel more comfortable with that than make up but I would..

PoppyAmex Mon 24-Jun-13 10:42:56

"I just don't get all the shock horror reactions to little girls liking girly stuff"

Make-up/nail polish etc. are not "girly" things, they are appropriate for women.

I find it interesting that people who support campaigns like "Let Girls Be Girls" and are frankly horrified at the sexualisation of young children have no issue with pamper parties.

Growlithe Mon 24-Jun-13 12:30:14

I think the OP is letting her girl be a girl. She is obviously not into this stuff herself, but is letting her 9 year old have some choice and influence into what she wants to do, rather than imposing on her what she thinks she should be into.

She has booked a 'pamper preeny precious princess pinky puffle ploppy party', not an Ann Summers party. Why do you think these girls are being sexualised? Do you know what, some people like glittery stuff because it just looks nice. That has nothing whatsoever to do with sex.

louee93 Mon 24-Jun-13 14:30:34

InApologies if anyone has said anything similar, but you could get some recipes for face masks and stuff, so they could make oat and hobey face masks or avocado or whatever, (or buy the montagne jeunesse facemask sachets) maybe get some nail caviar in (something different and can get loads of colours in from poundland.) They can also experiment with making healthy smoothies with exotic fruits, so there is a health element as opposed to just lippy and eyeshadow. Get in some munchies and films and im sure theyll have a great time.

louee93 Mon 24-Jun-13 14:34:16

Sorry, just noticed that you cant host at home.

halcyondays Mon 24-Jun-13 15:45:36

Yabu, it's her party, so I would let her choose whatever kind of party she'd like as long as it's within budget.

5madthings Mon 24-Jun-13 16:07:19

I think as long as its age appropriate and it sounds like it will be with glitter etc. Then fine.

My ds3 would love it! And i dont like the early sexualisation of children but a bit of nail polish, glitter, sparkly/coloured hair spray etc is fun.

Ds3 is eight and he got a tinkerbell make up kit at xmas its all glittery ans buterflies and jewels and little stencils to help do designs on cheeks. Just like face painting etc. Ds3 loves it.

My ds4 (5) and dd (2) both have bright orange nail polish on at the moment as they saw me painting my toes and wanted the same. Its fun!

I wouldnt let them use mascara/eye liner eyc but a bit of lip gloss and glitter is fine. Ds2 and ds3 both have little lip glosses in a funky tin. Bought for in the cold weather, i would have just got a cheap lipsalve but they saw the funky little pots and wanted them.

BiBiBroccoli Mon 24-Jun-13 16:13:43

PoppyAmex - as someone else on the thread said I am a feminist and as such believe in the right to choose.

My daughter might choose academia and a career, she might choose to be a SAHM, she might choose to be a pole dancer.

I feel absolutely certain that letting her wear lip gloss to a party or letting her have a party where she gets glitter nail polish and a sodding hair clip will not have any bearing on this.

It's my job to bring my kids up with a rounded view of the world, a head full of possibilities and a ton of self confidence. It's not my job to trample on the things they fancy doing for fun, as long as those things are safe and age appropriate. I don't thing a bit of make up on a saturday afternoon sexualises my child but each to their own.

thebody Mon 24-Jun-13 16:56:48

I am sure she will love it op.

Never understand the choosing party for your child. My 4 have had footi, cricket, pamper, Ice skating,old fashioned party games at home, bouncy castle slide BBQ in the garden, meal out with just family and now dds teens meal out with friends and slumber party.

It's their choice as long as you can afford it.

FFs let's keep the pearl clutching at a 9 year old in a bit of lippy!!

No one is pearl clutching at 9 yr olds in lippy.

Some people including the op feel pamper parties are ick. I agree. I think girls have been sold a right turkey if they feel paying someone to make them look pretty is as good fun as it gets.

It IS curious that nowadays girls want to 'be pampered'.

Boomba Mon 24-Jun-13 18:20:11

Yy euph. I don't really have any objection to dressing up. My kids pretty much help themselves to my mail varnish and makeup, when they are bored

But the idea, that it is a theme for a party isn't good at all.

And I agree with the poster earlier, that said building self esteem/confidence on 'pampering' ain't great

PoppyAmex Mon 24-Jun-13 21:07:07

BiBiBroccoli said: "It's not my job to trample on the things they fancy doing for fun, as long as those things are safe and age appropriate."

"I am a feminist and as such believe in the right to choose. [...] she might choose to be a SAHM, she might choose to be a pole dancer."

The point is make-up/nail polish/mock cocktails aren't age appropriate.

Erm... I wouldn't say that's a feminist position.

BiBiBroccoli said: "I feel absolutely certain that letting her wear lip gloss to a party or letting her have a party where she gets glitter nail polish and a sodding hair clip will not have any bearing on this."

I think it's great you have "absolute certainties" about the future.

We know the vast majority of pree-teens/teenagers in the western world have deep seated body issues and struggle to reconcile what they see in the mirror with ads/films/tv etc.

Look I understand this is a parenting choice; we're different people and that's fine, but to say that nail polish and make-up on prepubescent girls isn't sexualising children is disingenuous at best.

frutilla Mon 24-Jun-13 21:27:44

Glad you booked the pamper party for your DD, OP. Personally I don't see the difference between face-painting and dressing-up box for small kids and pamper party for pre-teens. It's just a bit of fun.

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