Would this annoy you?

(38 Posts)
OHforDUCKScake Fri 21-Jun-13 16:59:02

DP and I are go through a crisis, and we are either about to divide or make one last go of it.

We do not live together.

I have recently bought a car but the lock is faulty (that I now know) and he has a spare key for my car.

Was at school drop off yesterday, back to the cad and the effing car locked me and ds outside the car and my bag, keys, and phone inside.

We had to go back to the school and call dp and ask him to come to us with the spare keys, many appologies ensued of course.

I have to entertain a hungry and manic 2 year old for 40 minutes and he comes sorts it out.

When I get in, to my house, theres his coffee cup on the side which wasnt there before.

So basically he stopped off at mine and had a coffee en route.

Its really pissing me off thinking about it, but probably a bit more than it should because of the issues we are going through at the moment.

The broken car was not my fault, its not like it was an idiot moment, I appologised, grateful he came but Im pissed off thathe stoped off at my home making us wait longer, then leave me his coffee cup there, alone in all its glory for me to wash up.

Would you be annoyed?

deste Fri 21-Jun-13 17:01:25

Most definitely.

YANBU. Why didn't he come straight to get you? He obviously wanted you to know he made you wait, which is a bit weird and controlling.

OHforDUCKScake Fri 21-Jun-13 17:04:40

No hes the least controlling man in the world. This is a small part ofthe problem. Its me that is the controlling one.

He just doesnt think sometimes.

He never would have done it in a 'fuck her' kind of way, he'd have just taken the opportunity to down a strong coffee because he doesnt get the chance much at work and he has a major coffee addiction.

Despite this, its still pissed me off.

It only dawned on me just now, yesterday I was baffled as to where the mug came from. Its just this minute clicked.

He's here in 10 minutes too.

Trazzletoes Fri 21-Jun-13 17:06:38

I would be upset that he hasn't come straight away (/ had deliberately stopped en route for something non-essential) when he knew I had a small child to contend with.

FruminousBandersnatch Fri 21-Jun-13 17:06:44

I would be annoyed. If you were on your own it's one thing, but he must've known how difficult it would be waiting around with a 2yo.

It would have pissed me off too

OHforDUCKScake Fri 21-Jun-13 17:17:11

Glad Im not the only one.

Would you say something?

Dont really want to start bad feeling to the weekend.

ParadiseChick Fri 21-Jun-13 17:21:35

Do you know for sure that's what he done?

foreverondiet Fri 21-Jun-13 17:23:29

maybe he was there when you called? ask before you get annoyed.

QOD Fri 21-Jun-13 17:23:36

So really he's your boyfriend? You don't live together, yet he stopped off for coffee? He can fuckoffee

SoleSource Fri 21-Jun-13 17:30:34

QOD grin

Strange, have you asked him?

AdoraBell Fri 21-Jun-13 17:32:45

Okay, if you don't want to start bad feelings for the weekend just ask him if he was tired, or in desperate need of caffeine, then go from there.

Do you know he wasn't already at yours? did you call him on his mobile, home number for his place, work?

Cherriesarelovely Fri 21-Jun-13 17:34:42

Annoyed that he didn't come straight away yes, totally not in the slightest bit bothered that he had left coffee cup for you unwashed, but then I am pretty much the least houseproud person in the world!

FruminousBandersnatch Fri 21-Jun-13 17:36:34

I don't think the fact the coffee cup was unwashed is the point, cherries!

YouTheCat Fri 21-Jun-13 17:37:55

Why on earth did you leave your bag, keys and phone inside the car? confused

And no I wouldn't be annoyed that he'd stopped off for a quick coffee.

If I was him, I'd be annoyed that you'd left your keys in the car tbh.

tootdelafruit Fri 21-Jun-13 17:40:32

if he wasn't already at your house (was he?) then i'm struggling to think what was going through his head to just stop off anywhere for a coffee when he knew you were waiting at the school with a 2 year old. is he a very laid back- no sense of urgency sort of person? my exp was a bit like this- when my waters broke I called the labour ward and they told me to come straight up. exp was in bed so I told him we had to go to the hospital as waters had broken, then I went down to get keys, bag etc and sat on the bottom of the stairs thinking he'd just be a few minutes getting dressed. five minutes later I went up and he was in the shower all lathered up for a shave so I told him it really wasn't a dressy affair all this labour business so no need to groom. he said fine he would get dressed. so I went back downstairs, he sauntered down a few minutes later, switched the kettle on and started making himself some breakfast, ok I thought- he'll have that down him in five minutes then we can go- no, he took it into the living room and switched the playstation on confused

TheFallenNinja Fri 21-Jun-13 17:40:38

Your car locked you out? Is it Herbie?

runningonwillpower Fri 21-Jun-13 17:42:16

Tricky one.

You're controlling, he's laid back.

He came to your rescue but now you know he didn't come as quickly as he could have done.

Why are you so annoyed? Because he was thoughtless on this one occasion or because it highlights the differences in your personalities? (And maybe your need for him to conform to your expectations?)

Redorwhitejusthaveboth Fri 21-Jun-13 17:46:54

Is this the straw that broke the camels back?

ifancyashandy Fri 21-Jun-13 17:48:06

Wouldn't bother me. He was doing you a favour coming out to help you so the extra 10 mins or so for a coffee wouldn't bother me in the slightest.

josephinebruce Fri 21-Jun-13 17:48:57

I think, as this has annoyed you to such an extent, that your relationship is already over.

How did you manage to leave the keys inside?

The bag and phone I can understand I usually hide mine under the seat when I do drop off and pick up but why were the keys inside?

Unfortunatelyanxious Fri 21-Jun-13 17:52:15

What Josephine said. It is annoying but not break up stuff unless there is something drastically wrong already.

RiotsNotDiets Fri 21-Jun-13 17:53:40

I would be annoyed about it, and I'd be especially pissed off since you're in a make or break situation.

He should be on his best behaviour no?

Hullygully Fri 21-Jun-13 17:53:47

odd

OHforDUCKScake Fri 21-Jun-13 18:06:19

I take it all back. He seemed genuinely baffled that Id thought hed stop for coffee and said he thought he got to us quickly considering where he came from. Which is very true, it was quick considering.

Hes not one to lie so I do believe him.

God knows about the mug.

Tbh my reaction is just a symptom of the cracks.

Hullygully Fri 21-Jun-13 18:07:25

grin

OHforDUCKScake Fri 21-Jun-13 18:07:54

Also its been 14 years and we have children, hes not a boyfriend, hes a long term partner with whom we're going through the crapper.

Thanks for your replies. smile

OHforDUCKScake Fri 21-Jun-13 18:08:40

S'cuse my terrible english. Shocking.

ExcuseTypos Fri 21-Jun-13 18:10:48

Hope you have a nice weekend!

quesadilla Fri 21-Jun-13 18:23:49

If you wAnt to make a go of it I would say let it go: it's insensitive and selfish but probably not worth having a huge fight about if you are on a knife edge.

It does sound as if you are not really sold on staying together though and this is just one of those things pushing you over the edge.

tootdelafruit Fri 21-Jun-13 18:24:22

hmm

so a mug just appeared on the counter? no-one put it there? did you have coffee before you left and forget? grin

OHforDUCKScake Fri 21-Jun-13 18:31:54

No idea toots, Im really distracted at the moment, we have a hell of a lot of stuff on our shoulders so I guess it was just me missing it before. I.e it was there from the last time he had a coffee here.

<shrugs>

He has his faults, sure. But lying about something like that just isnt him.
I knew within 2 seconds that he was telling the truth.

josephinebruce Fri 21-Jun-13 18:47:39

I take back what I said then. Maybe you can go away somewhere neutral for a few days (hours?) and just talk?

If the distraction is all due to him and your relationship, then you need to get to sorted for the kids' sake as well as your own.

If it's other stuff, then get that sorted before you make a decision.

Have been there and do understand.

flowers

Snazzywaitingforsummer Fri 21-Jun-13 18:53:21

Do you know that he stopped off on the way? Could he have gone round earlier?

This sounds like you are waiting for him to do something that gives you a reason to end it. I would be annoyed at having to wait, but that's still how it looks.

AdoraBell Fri 21-Jun-13 19:38:19

When distracted I've left things that could easily be dealt with/cleared away, I just don't see it iyswim.

My OH also does stooopid things like turn the lights off so he can read when distracted.

AdoraBell Fri 21-Jun-13 19:48:39

Oops, what I was getting at is your are probably both distracted right now.

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