AIBU - the ultimate in wedding gifts.....we know MN loves a good wedding thread!!

(67 Posts)
holidaysarenice Fri 21-Jun-13 11:38:58

This made me laugh.
It starts off well, very funny.
The end is a little less believable tho.

m.thespec.com/news-story/3845206-have-your-say-about-the-firestorm-over-a-wedding-gift/

thebody Fri 21-Jun-13 11:45:13

Bloody hell took me ages to read. Very funny though.

AudrinaAdare Fri 21-Jun-13 11:57:58

shock

Dreadful people! Were they raised by wolves?

Worst breach of etiquette IMO was the speech Victoria's Dad gave at the Beckham's wedding where he said that, "many people would have liked to have been here today but it is you that David and Victoria have chosen"

Guests honour the bride and groom by their presence, not the other way around!

Bringmewineandcake Fri 21-Jun-13 12:02:02

That's terrible! Although I don't know what a doe and doe is....
Nasty grabby, grabbiness shock

thebody Fri 21-Jun-13 12:10:40

I think Victoria's dad was trying to say that the guests were the couples REAL friends and not just celebs.

He said it badly though I agree.

ZenGardener Fri 21-Jun-13 12:11:40

I like the idea that weddings are to make money for the future.

It would explain some of the weddings I've read about on MN.

Not sure it is true though.

AudrinaAdare Fri 21-Jun-13 12:13:28

Oh that's a nice way of looking at it, thebody. I do like the Beckhams.

flowery Fri 21-Jun-13 12:17:57

Goodness how rude of the bride and bride!

Doesn't matter whether the gift was 'acceptable' or not. Even if you do think a gift is awful, you don't say so. You accept graciously and have a moan behind doors if you feel you must.

WhenSheWasBadSheWasHopeful Fri 21-Jun-13 12:18:52

Weddings are to make money for the future.

Has anyone ever made a profit from a wedding? Dumbest thing I have heard in a long time

Hilarious. Although I have to say that a hamper of food is a slightly off beat wedding present.

I think the hamper sounds like a lovely gift. What a rude couple!

Lariflete Fri 21-Jun-13 12:34:20

That was hilarious! And I agree, the hamper sounds lovely and what a lovely message inside 'Life is delicious ... Enjoy!'
What a hideous couple the brides sounded though sad

DesperatelySeekingSedatives Fri 21-Jun-13 12:38:41

The only acceptable response to receiving a gift from someone is "thank you very much". Even if you hate the gift you always say thank you.

The newly weds sound like rude grabby wankers.

I would love a hamper! I think it's a lovely gift. The brides sound awful - scheming and entitled.

I don't think the guest comes off unscathed either though, to be honest - "you should just be happy your sham of a marriage is legal dude" is a bit of a shit thing to say. hmm

olidusUrsus Fri 21-Jun-13 12:44:19

Sounds like a fucking amazing gift. Hate the whole perceived 'etiquette' with weddings.

I think in America you have a doe & stag rather than a hen & stag, so because they are lesbians, they had a doe & doe.

LazyMonkeyButler Fri 21-Jun-13 12:49:42

It really sounds like they only got married to receive money.

Terrible, grabby behaviour. I think the hamper sounds like a lovely gift & would have been terribly offended to receive that reaction to it!

ParadiseChick Fri 21-Jun-13 12:53:56

The hamper sound delicious. They sound like entitled cunts.

HighInterestRat Fri 21-Jun-13 12:55:38

I think the hamper is an odd thing to gift for a wedding. Grandparents at Christmas maybe but not a wedding.

All of them sound rude and entitled and just horrible tbh, the writer included.

neunundneunzigluftballons Fri 21-Jun-13 13:12:33

We tend to do money where I am from and no gifts but like my 3 year says 'you get what you get and you don't get upset'. I would have loved that hamper though. I think the brides sending the texts were BvvvvvU.

cornyblend37 Fri 21-Jun-13 13:23:10

how rude! shock

tungthai Fri 21-Jun-13 13:38:39

I really hope that story isn't true.

People are so entitled these days. I remember my ante natal acquaintances having a moan about the baby clothes they received from relatives as gifts.

I haven't been to a wedding in the last 15 years that hasn't included the crass naff poem asking for money.

People are so greedy.

Ujjayi Fri 21-Jun-13 13:43:37

Wow....how grabby & vile.

A friend of mine got married a couple of months after us, roughly 10 years ago. She had a "no boxed gifts" message on the invite. When I questioned WTF that actually meant I was told they basically expected cash in envelopes. Swiftly followed by "you soon find out what your friends think of you by how much they give" shock. I couldn't bring myself to ask her if that was why she had spent £12.50 on our gift!! Let me say that I couldn't give a fig whether we received gifts or not - it is the fact that she was saying a friendship is marked by how much people will spend on you that irked me!

I have giving money as a gift. Last year we attended a wedding of a close friend who also asked for money to help pay for the honeymoon. Instead, we found out the destination and paid for a candlelight dinner on the beach. I just felt better doing it that way.

My DNeice (28) got married recently and when I asked her if they had a gift list she replied "not at all. We don't expect anything when people are paying to travel and stay over to celebrate with us". That is the attitude people should take.

Ujjayi Fri 21-Jun-13 13:45:30

*hate* not "have"

LilacPeony Fri 21-Jun-13 13:59:52

Good article and i would have liked the hamper, but yes it was spoilt by "you should just be happy your sham of a marriage is legal dude! "

sweetsummerlove Fri 21-Jun-13 14:07:41

im so making a hamper for the wedding im attending next month! !

Just Googled 'doe party' and is what Wiki has to say http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Stag_and_doe...

"In the United States, Stag and drag is held before the wedding of a couple as a big party so that they can collect money for wedding or honeymoon. Guests typically have to purchase a ticket. Unlike wedding reception or engagement, a stag and drag is not expected to be attended only by invited guest list. Anyone can attend - the more guests, the better."

Do your worst, MN! grin <Sharpens dagger>

Ooops. This is what Wikipedia had to say...

josephinebruce Fri 21-Jun-13 14:21:43

Is this real?

When I got married my ex and I had everything we needed so wanted to just ask people for donations to a charity of our choice (we were quite smugly virtuous in those days!). There was an almighty uproar amongst parents/relatives/friends so we gave in, spent a Saturday traipsing around Debenhams to find items for a wedding list. And then people gave us money :-)

Wish I'd kept it though instead of donating it to charity - would have helped towards the cost of the divorce lol.

That hamper sounded lovely. Much better than yet another toilet roll holder.....

curryeater Fri 21-Jun-13 14:22:20

As bad as each other.

1. horrible gift
2. horrible grabby response
3. stupidly engaging in text-battle

2 is really the worst, but 1 and 3 almost add up to as bad

chocoluvva Fri 21-Jun-13 14:33:07

grin

Nobody comes out of that story well. - guilty pleasure reading it - thanks for sharing OP.

we made a hamper once, we made it really nice and put loads of thought into it, went down like a lead balloon, not even a thankyou or any comment made about it

it was fro Italian relatives, who love food and we thought they would like an English themed hamper....

how wrong we where!

fedupofnamechanging Fri 21-Jun-13 14:51:48

I think a hamper is a great present.

I think the brides are awful - the idea that people get married in order to make money is abhorrent and complaining about a gift, even if they hate it, is so rude.

They have also lied about one of them being gluten intolerant, if they were eating non gluten free food in the restaurant, earlier. So they are both rude, and liars, who just wanted to claw back some money by returning the hamper.

The guest shouldn't have said what he did , but he was angry and people often say the most offensive thing they can think of, in anger, even though they don't mean what they have said.

FairPhyllis Fri 21-Jun-13 14:52:59

The couple are grabby and awful.

But the letter writer is not much better - he has that super precious anal American writing style ('actually I have done a lot of research on wedding etiquette') and made nasty swipes at the fact it was a civil partnership.

Hamper is an OK thing for a wedding, but I wouldn't have included the 'fun' items.

we thought a hamper would be a nice romantic gift, it was a lovely wicker one with all the plates glasses cutlery etc in too aswell as all the English themed food gifts

olidusUrsus Fri 21-Jun-13 14:59:17

Can't believe people are slagging off the hamper hmm completely not the point!

chocoluvva Fri 21-Jun-13 15:01:38

The hamper isn't the point, but it's quite an unusual gift for a wedding.

I think it's a lovely present.

Picturepuncture Fri 21-Jun-13 15:10:27

I don't think the hamper is that unusual for a wedding present, all sounds nice to me!

The brides behaviour is shock though!

I'm not a 'be grateful they deemed your wedding worthy of coming too' type person. I'm happy with a good gift list, don't mind a vouchers request and had a gift list at my wedding. But everyone know you don't complain... To someone's face about their gifts? Don't they? Blimey..

josephinebruce Fri 21-Jun-13 15:28:50

Who the hell bothers to research wedding etiquette???

curryeater Fri 21-Jun-13 15:46:40

No, the hamper is not the point, the point is the brides' horrible behaviour. I just wanted to moan about the hamper because I don't like sugar and if I got given a hamper, it had better be in a beautiful teak box that is a 4-poster bed or something (like the Finnish baby box) because if you don't eat sugar, the contents are usually junk. Biscuits, chutneys, jams, preserves - all junk sugar

drudgewithagrudge Fri 21-Jun-13 16:03:19

What is 'fluffy whip'? It sounds rather interesting.

curryeater Fri 21-Jun-13 16:12:14

I know, right?
Totally ungraciously, and not in the spirit at all, this is what I see when he describes the hamper:

wicker box with a hinged lid, - big bulky object that may or may not be to their taste and will now full up most of the cupboard under the stairs. Not useful for actual picnics, for which you need a nice coolbag / rucksack thing which is nice and light for carrying while holding children's hands.

filled with food items, most of them PC Black Label, - don't know what PC Black Label is, but not interested, as if it is a big brand is just licensed anyway, so has no bearing on whether the content is good

including: tri-color pasta, - seriously? A bag of pasta? of PASTA?

salsas, - ok may be interesting / flavourful. Judging from the rest of the stuff, probably just gimmicky and with fake starch filler. you can't beat a fresh salsa, which costs about £1.50 to make

Balsamic vinegar and Olive, - don't like balsamic vinegar, it is sugary, olive oil admittedly never goes amiss

Gourmet croutons, - TOAST? TOAST is a GIFT now?

Panko Breading, - no idea what this is but it sounds vile, and more junk carbs

Pesto, - yup probably useable but unthrilling

some baking ingredients, - like what, yet more cheap white flour?

Biscuits from Godiva - sugar, don't eat

and a few 'Fun' items like Marshmallow Fluff, Sour Patch Kids and Butterscotch sauce. - whatever the hell they are they sound utterly vile. Sitting in the cupboard till you move house and bin them vile.

If someone gave me that I would not complain but I would be looking in the local paper for an organisation that needs donations for a fete soon.

Finally - the only junk carb that I am interested in is totally missing - WOT NO BOOZE?

FeckOffCup Fri 21-Jun-13 16:20:28

The brides sound awful, it is beyond belief they would message someone to say their gift was too cheap and they "lost" $200 on the wedding meals, the point of a wedding meal is to provide hospitality to your guests not guilt trip them into wringing out their wallets for you. Horrible women.

TarkaTheOtter Fri 21-Jun-13 16:41:59

Awful brides...

But, given he works in the food industry, I would wonder how much of it was freebies. Wouldn't bother me though and is a lovely idea.

znaika Fri 21-Jun-13 16:42:31

I had a colleague's wife who was like this- fucking awful she was. She was having a wedding in a European country not her own so her guests would be paying to attend, and she spent the whole run up to the wedding totalling up who was coming and guestimating how much they would give and giving a running total of how much she would make. Grim

curry you really don't like the sound of the hamper do youwink

<makes note, if I ever get you on a mumsnet xmas thingy, DO NOT send a hamper!>

curryeater Fri 21-Jun-13 17:13:44

White - guess what? Don't want a hamper!
For some insane reason, curiosity compelled me to google marshallow fluff.
www.marshmallowfluff.com/pages/homepage.html

Seriously? Comic sans? need I say more?
Is this even edible?
I want to hear Bonsoir talking about this kind of stuff.

yeah I know you don't want a hamper !grin

ZenGardener Fri 21-Jun-13 21:23:58

Apparently PC is President's Choice which is a naicer version of a shops brand so along the lines of M&S or Waitrose but black label is their budget line.

I guess the equivalent of a bag of Essential Waitrose pasta.

It is a bit of a cheap present but if a friend gave me that I would still be grateful and maybe assume things were a bit tight.

However perhaps the guy has form for being a bit tight as he did get his employer to give them vouchers to his restaurant. Maybe he is just a bit of a dick in general.

Still tacky to ask for the receipt though.

YoureAllABunchOfBastards Fri 21-Jun-13 21:44:43

I would love that hamper.

We got some bloody awful wedding presents but said thank you for each one as they were all sincerely given. I really hope that FIL's next door neighbour never found out that we used to bring out the silver globe butter dish as a comedy mint dispenser at the end of meals though....

olidusUrsus Fri 21-Jun-13 22:24:44

"No the hamper is not the point, but..."

No, that's my point, there are no buts. The hamper is not the point. End of. They were rude fecking cunts. They would have been rude fecking cunts whether or not they were given a ming vase or a jar of marmite because they were rude fecking cunts and they only wanted money.

So there.

olidusUrsus Fri 21-Jun-13 22:25:39

we used to bring out the silver globe butter dish as a comedy mint dispenser at the end of meals though

This is awesome. You've made me actually want one grin

AudrinaAdare Fri 21-Jun-13 22:29:49

Used to? I think you should revive that tradition, do it in all seriousness and sit back and wait for, "AIBU to think this couple are barking?"

It could be the new Pombear.

Lolapink Fri 21-Jun-13 22:52:19

I went yo a wedding once and bought a really expensive double duvet set as a gift. The next day I got a text saying the gift was of no use as there bed was kingsize, not even a thank you.

themightyfandango Fri 21-Jun-13 23:19:10

Sainsburys sell the marshmallow fluff in a jar for anyone interested. I have been doing my best to ignore it for months on account of not needing another unhealthy addiction.

Nobody comes out of that situation well but seriously...thank you is surely the only response to receiving a gift. Awful grabby people.

cornyblend37 Fri 21-Jun-13 23:47:00

Aldi are selling actual legit marshmallow fluff in the 'take your chances' bit at the moment for about £1.50 (I bought some last night!)'

LilacPeony Sat 22-Jun-13 00:15:50

Panko Breading is a packet of the breadcrumbs you can put on chicken to make chicken nuggets for example. cdn.blisstree.com/files/2009/07/panko.jpg

Chocolatehunter Sat 22-Jun-13 01:21:45

I'm getting married in 6 weeks time and absolutely hate gift lists or greedy grabbing poems. Our venue is about an hour from where we live and we feel very special because so many of our loved ones are coming and taking time to celebrate with us. These brides sound like god awful people and if I had been sent this email I would have been really hurt knowing I'd only been invited for my money.

CrystalDeCanter Sat 22-Jun-13 05:20:37

I hate them all, nasty ill mannered brides.

But the writer is creepily full of himself. Who sends such a letter to a magazine knowing it will be published, only someone who already is sure he's right and wants to humiliate his "friends".

ParadiseChick Sat 22-Jun-13 08:30:02

Lola to be fair it's a bit fast to buy something like that not knowing what size their bed is. Maybe they were after details so they could exchange it?

DeskPlanner Sat 22-Jun-13 08:34:38

What horrible horrible woman. Sounds like they only married to make some cash. I would have loved that gift. He probably thought they would like a food gift as he worked in the food industry with one of the brides.

DeskPlanner Sat 22-Jun-13 08:34:38

What horrible horrible woman. Sounds like they only married to make some cash. I would have loved that gift. He probably thought they would like a food gift as he worked in the food industry with one of the brides.

MusicalEndorphins Sat 22-Jun-13 09:34:35

I live kind of near these people. Presidents Choice is good, we always buy their products over other brands.
The Fluff is a creamy marshmallow spread for ice cream, as is butterscotch. Sour patch kids are great, I happen to love them, but to bring to the cinema, not to give as a gift. I bet the givers included it for "honeymoon fun" though.
Anyways, I do think they could have done a lot better filling it, and at least included wine, but it is a pretty lame wedding gift. If someone throws the bride to be a pantry shower, the gift would have been perfect.
That said, the brides were very rude to say anything however, the giver was just as rude in their reply.

LilacPeony Sun 23-Jun-13 00:26:16

Champagne would have been good in it

MidniteScribbler Sun 23-Jun-13 00:34:40

I would have assumed the wedding gift was actually the picnic basket, and the food was just an add on. I've done it a few times for weddings gifts - I bought a really cool backpack that had utensils, plates, mugs, thermos, wine glasses, et and a section which is a cooler. I fill it with a couple of bottles of wine, some other food products, and in one case, tickets to an outdoor concert that I knew the couple wanted to go to. Everyone has always loved it (or have told me so anyway). The food isn't the gift, the basket/hamper is.

We had a small hamper as a wedding gift; it was put in our room and contained champagne, strawberries, chocolates etc and it was a lovely gesture! I don't think that the hamper itself is the issue, but I do feel that the guest was probably invited in the hope of something more substantial as a gift. He was her ex-boss from a restaurant, not a close friend - says it all really!

curryeater Sun 23-Jun-13 12:25:35

Midnite, I love those picnic bags. Once you have one you use it all the time, much more often than "official" picnics. Your presents sound lovely.

The brides behaved appallingly and sound like nasty, grabby people

I think the gift sounded quite thoughtful. But it's irrelevant. Even if he'd given them a £ten pound photo frame, they should accept it graciously

You do not host a wedding and have a minimum expectation for gifts. Vile.

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