to ask my dh to go out, so I can have my friends round for a laydeez night?

(67 Posts)
pictish Thu 20-Jun-13 20:06:33

Ok so...I am thinking of having a lady-what-does-nails round the house next weekend, so I can get a pedicure for the summer hols (in Scotland we break up next week).
I was with some friends today who said they'd be up for the same, so I'll invite them round too and make a wee night of it.
I mentioned it to dh today, and asked how he would feel about disappearing for the evening. He wasn't too impressed.
He's a real homebody and not one for going out. It's also worth mentioning that we live somewhere where he doesn't really know anyone locally, so going out for a pint with a mate is out.

Anyway, his point is that if he wanted to have some mates round for whatever, he wouldn't expect me to leave, even though I could easily find something to do for the evening.

We are arguing the semantics now, and I thought we could put it to the MN jury.

AIBU?

dufflefluffle Thu 20-Jun-13 20:08:18

My DH wouldn't want to go out either though he would probably disappear to another room - is that an option?

TheCutOfYourJib Thu 20-Jun-13 20:10:58

Yabu to say laydeez.
Yabu to ask your dh to go out, can't he just watch TV or read a book in your bedroom?

Euphemia Thu 20-Jun-13 20:13:32

DH can come here, provided I can come to yours. grin

pictish Thu 20-Jun-13 20:14:33

I know iabu to say laydeez grin...but I didn't know what else to call it. Women's night? Sounds a bit po faced.

ShabbyButNotChic Thu 20-Jun-13 20:16:07

Yanbu! We have these kind of nights every other week or so. Most partners use it as an excuse to go to the pub/play xbox upstairs. Though they do pop down to see what snacks we have bought so we have got wise to this and provide sweets for them. You would think they were 7 year olds not men in their late twenties!

CrapBag Thu 20-Jun-13 20:16:45

Friends over?

YABU to expect your DH to go out when he doesn't have anywhere to go. There is nothing wrong with him going upstairs out of the way.

defineme Thu 20-Jun-13 20:17:05

Dh would just go upstairs and read his book, as he does when I host book group at my house. If it was some mates for a chat he would talk to them too, but if we were all having nails done he'd probably slope off at some point.

ChippingInWiredOnCoffee Thu 20-Jun-13 20:17:15

I have never been with anyone who would have minded doing this - I think they have all been only to happy to 'escape' grin However, I guess if he doesn't have anywhere to go or anyone to go with it's a bit mean kicking him out for the evening just so you can all paint your nails - would it really be that bad if he was home? <but keeping out the way most of the night?>

Where or what did you expect him to go and do if he doesn't know anyone?

How long have you been there & why doesn't he have any friends?

pictish Thu 20-Jun-13 20:18:34

We have been here for four years, but it wouldn't natter if we'd been here ten. My dh is an introvert, and doesn't go about looking for new pals.

Dilidali Thu 20-Jun-13 20:20:23

Well, you're both right. I wouldn't be able to spring that one on my DH either, he needs time grin.
The difference is mine has met all of my friends'husbands and I'd be able to ship him over their houses for a few hours.
Someone at the pub surely would be able to comiserate with him over a pint, any random bloke! Maybe that's what he needs, a shove, to put himself out there. He might enjoy it.

I wouldn't expect him to go out, if he's not the going out type.

I would expect him to make himself scarce though, in the house.

pictish Thu 20-Jun-13 20:22:20

He really wouldn't enjoy it. He's not a social creature. He's very pleasant and easygoing and everything, and happy to chat to anyone that comes round, but going to the pub to make conversation with a random would be his idea of hell.

littlewhitebag Thu 20-Jun-13 20:23:48

I wouldn't expect my DH to go out, i would expect him to keep us supplied with wine and nibbles grin

YAB totally U imagine the other way around and your DH had asked you to bugger off for the evening so he could have his mates round. There would be calls of LTB everywhere.

Ask him nicely if he would mind an evening in another room to listen to the radio/read a book whatever so you can have a 'your friends only' evening.

pictish Thu 20-Jun-13 20:28:12

I wouldn't mind at all. I'd gleefully bugger off.

Keztrel Thu 20-Jun-13 20:29:18

Where do you think he should go then, if he doesn't know anyone?

Keztrel Thu 20-Jun-13 20:30:42

Is this your way of encouraging him to get a life? (Yanbu smile)

NeoMaxiZoomDweebie Thu 20-Jun-13 20:32:12

He could go upstairs and watch TV? That's what I'd do in his position;...I wouldn't be going out either!

DerbyNottsLeicsNightNanny Thu 20-Jun-13 20:34:29

A few months ago I have my dh £20 to sit upstairs for approx 2ish hrs whilst my friend came round. Best money I ever spent grin just wanted a girly chat without him being there sitting on the sofa. Upstairs he had tv/DVD/wifi/laptop & says he had a great eve, when friend had gone he didn't want to come back down. Would highly recommend!

Squitten Thu 20-Jun-13 20:34:42

My DH wouldn't have a problem with that - he'd take a book and go sit in the corner of a pub. He did exactly that while we were on holiday and I had to study in the evenings. I would go to the movies.

I don't think YABU but if he doesn't want to go out at all then he could just go and set himself up with telly/books/DVDs in your bedrooom?

shewhowines Thu 20-Jun-13 20:34:53

YABU to expect him to go out, but YANBU to expect him to make himself scarce after a couple of minutes of polite chitchat. Provide him with beer an nibbles upstairs and tell him not to come down again unless he's happy to have his toenails painted.

DerbyNottsLeicsNightNanny Thu 20-Jun-13 20:34:56

*gave

DeathByTray Thu 20-Jun-13 20:35:15

Is there nothing on at the cinema he would like to see?

ShabbyButNotChic Thu 20-Jun-13 20:35:30

Could you send him upstairs but get him a pizza/dvd/sweets etc, make a nice evening in for him? Do your friends have husbands/boyfriends he could get friendly with? Within my main group of friends most of the partners have become friends which is great as when we have a girls night they have a boys night. Is that an option?

squeakytoy Thu 20-Jun-13 20:38:17

It would (and does) drive me mad having a husband who never went out on his own.

I love having time to myself in the house, and on the rare occasions my husband works away for the week, I am in absolute ecstasy as I can have full control of the tv all night, eat what I like, when I feel like it.. light as many scented candles as possible... then have the bed to myself, watch another film or read for as long as I like..

so no, yanbu at all!

pictish Thu 20-Jun-13 20:38:45

We have come up with the idea of him taking ds1 to the pictures, so I think that will work fine. We just thought it was a good subject for debate.

Whenever I have gone round to someone else's for a ladies night, the dh/dp has gone out. I thought it was the way of it.

HollyBerryBush Thu 20-Jun-13 20:41:40

Cant you totally sexualise him, shove him in a pinny and make him serve drinks all night?

Euphemia Thu 20-Jun-13 20:42:45

Pictish your DH sounds just like mine. Maybe we should force them to meet introduce them? smile

Euphemia Thu 20-Jun-13 20:45:50

I never get the house to myself for longer than a couple of hours. sad

DH never ever ever goes out. Ever. Other than to work or somewhere local with DD.

I have fantasies about getting the place to myself overnight. DH has had that plenty times, and he mostly works from home so he gets the place to himself from 8am to 5pm. envy

Keztrel Thu 20-Jun-13 20:47:05

I always invite my dh to join us when I'm going out for a girly dinner or having girls over. He doesn't usually come though... He invites me when he has a boys night and I often do join them cos they always have such good snack food...but we know each others friends really well as we were all at uni together.

pictish Thu 20-Jun-13 20:53:40

Euphemia - yup.

Ragwort Thu 20-Jun-13 20:59:03

I think it's quite hard to understand couples who don't have separate interests when that is clearly the 'norm' for other people - my DH and I rarely have a night in together as we have so many different hobbies/interests/friendship groups. I would find it hard to be with someone who didn't have any interests so that he could disappear for an evening - but if that's not your thing then I guess it's not confused.

<we are both home tonight but I am much more interested in Mumsnet than sitting & chatting with DH grin>.

Euphemia - seriously, your DH never goes out at night? hmm - my DH does voluntary work (Scouts), numerous sporting activities, goes to the pub/goes off walking on his own/goes to book lectures/works away/fishing/goes swimming etc etc etc.

Euphemia Thu 20-Jun-13 21:16:51

DH is an academic and every evening is like this one - he's sitting reading academic papers, and has been since 6pm.

pictish Thu 20-Jun-13 22:22:28

Ok thanks everyone. IABU.
At least I know now.

Still wish I could boot his ass out without it being a huge deal though....but that's a whole other thread. x

ChippingInWiredOnCoffee Thu 20-Jun-13 23:57:47

I couldn't live with someone who never goes out... I love having the place to myself then I love them coming home with stories about the evening or not if they've been out to something BORING Never having the house to myself would kill me. Them never going out would make me kill them grin

BOF Fri 21-Jun-13 00:01:28

Hey, hang on- don't you often post about how you as a couple both make it easy for the other one to go out/away/be a dirty stop out? I take it that only applies one way then? grin

pictish Fri 21-Jun-13 07:59:15

What has going out, got to do with staying in?

pictish Fri 21-Jun-13 08:02:15

Oh I see...you mean how can that work if dh never goes out?

Well he does...but it's rare. He goes out with friends in Edinburgh though...and will be gone for the night. Which is grand.
He'd never get off his arse and organise anything himself though.

McPie Fri 21-Jun-13 08:04:00

Going out is standard for the dh's in our group of friends, being in the same house as a group of clucking (one dh described us as such) drunk females is not most men's idea of fun!

ithaka Fri 21-Jun-13 08:07:17

My DH is not a social animal, but at least he has a pal in the village he could go and play stupid computer games with, while I have my bestie girls round (sticking to the laydeez type terminology). He would be welcome to stay in, but we usually drink to much wine and are shrill and raucous, so he prefers to get away.

YABU to expect him to go out if he has nowhere to go but he should be prepared to make himself scarce for the evening by hiding away in the bedroom/other room

Yonihadtoask Fri 21-Jun-13 08:15:10

I say YANBU to ask him to keep out of the way of your girls' night in. However YABU to expect him to go out, if he has nowhere to actually go.

MrsPennyapple Fri 21-Jun-13 08:28:25

Maybe invite him to join you, he can have a manly pedicure or whatever. You won't see him for dust!

Seriously though, YANBU to think he could find something to do. DH goes out every Saturday but not until about 9.30, I'm looking at my watch and thinking "haven't you gone yet?"

CelticPromise Fri 21-Jun-13 08:49:14

I suppose YABU but I understand where you're coming from! My DH doesn't go out often. I love it when he does. It also means he doesn't always get why I want to go out more often.

I went to a friend's last night for takeaway and wine. Her DH went out for an hour and then sat in the other room.

LalyRawr Fri 21-Jun-13 08:53:35

Ha, this is exactly how I met my OH!

His mum kicked him, his brother and dad out for the night because she had her friends over. They just happened to go to the same pub I was at, we met, chatted all night and 4 years later are still together!

mrsjay Fri 21-Jun-13 08:56:36

My dh is antisocial a homebody maybe we could get a creche or something and i could come to yours i dont want anybody touching my feet but i assume wine will be there grin just tell him to make himself scarce or he will have a gaggle of ladayz trying to make him over, yanbu sometimes it is fine to just chill out with friends without them hanging about moping

mrsjay Fri 21-Jun-13 08:58:40

DH is an academic and every evening is like this one - he's sitting reading academic papers, and has been since 6pm.

tis all go in your house euphemia grin

Euphemia Fri 21-Jun-13 21:35:16

Nope.

grin

pictish Fri 21-Jun-13 21:37:09

I'm so glad that you mrsjay and you euphemia know of what I speak.
I think everyone else thinks I'm a right hag.

mrsjay Fri 21-Jun-13 21:39:56

what have you decided to do pictish id turf him else where too and your not an old hag you have fairy lights round your tent

pictish Fri 21-Jun-13 21:50:46

Thank you mrsjay - you are right - I do have fairy lights. AND a tealight chandelier! grin

I'm punting him out to the pictues with ds1, who is really excited about getting his dad to himself for the night.

Can I just whisper this too....I do envy those who have sociable, outgoing husbands. My dh is a lovely man, but he's like a permanent fixture across the room there.

DizzyPurple Fri 21-Jun-13 21:59:38

I know how you feel. Mine rarely goes out either! Bit too fond of the tv.. He does socialise more during the day though, gym, cycling club etc. but come the evening it's him and the sofa... Although it does mean I can pretty much guarantee he'll be in to look after DD when I want to go out!

Euphemia Fri 21-Jun-13 22:00:13

Likewise, Pictish. hmm

pictish Fri 21-Jun-13 22:04:06

DizzY - yep same here...dh is very happy staying in with the kids while I go out on the randan, and I get out as much as I can be bothered to.

It's just....it's just....

Dykwim?

mrsjay Fri 21-Jun-13 22:15:41

.I do envy those who have sociable, outgoing husbands. My dh is a lovely man, but he's like a permanent fixture across the room there.

sigh UHU hmm

pictish Fri 21-Jun-13 22:23:36

When we first hooked up, we were out as much as funds would allow...clubbing, gigging, raving, socialising....
It wasn't until I'd had ds1 I realised he was actually a pot plant.

Euphemia Fri 21-Jun-13 22:45:15

I realised he was actually a pot plant.

grin

Euphemia Fri 21-Jun-13 22:46:21

My DH has been in a stooshie all month because he has to go to Edinburgh next week.

We live near Dundee. hmm

NandH Sat 22-Jun-13 06:56:33

YABU to expect him to leave his home for you to basically have a 'pamper party'.... My dp would go upstairs and watch tv/play xbox FIFA rubbish.... Can your dh do something upstairs?

Lavenderloves Sat 22-Jun-13 07:07:09

Send him to the cinema.

He needs a hobby poor man.

teacher123 Sat 22-Jun-13 08:41:47

My DH works shifts, I love those nights to myself! I equally have rehearsals once or twice a week in the evenings so he gets about the same number of nights away from me! Sometimes it gets a bit manic, but as he's around quite a lot in the daytime, we still see plenty of other.

livinginwonderland Sat 22-Jun-13 09:50:15

DP goes out every Saturday night for a games night and I love it. I get to spread out in bed and hog the TV and eat all the nice food I have stashed away!

My 'D'H rarely goes out, he says he prefers spending time with his family. Which is all well and good but not every single sodding night. Although he often calls at the pub after work and arrives home to a cooked tea & children sorted hmmm

Tbh think he's point scoring as I love a good night out, makes the family time more special wink grin

motherinferior Sat 22-Jun-13 11:59:47

I went out last night and am out again tonight. Mr Inferior is euphoric at the prospect of two nights in on his own on the trot.

amazingmumof6 Sat 22-Jun-13 12:04:07

YANBU.

let him stay

get him drunk do he passes out.

paint his nails, do his hair.
full make up

post photos everywhere with the caption " you wish you weren't here"

OnTheNingNangNong Sat 22-Jun-13 12:25:07

I'm glad I'm not the only one with a glorified sofa decoration for a husband. He works shifts so I get the occasional night in, but he never has anything to do in the evenings. Whereas theres loads I want to do but can't atm

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