To say no to looking after DD's friend tonight?

(40 Posts)
thefuturesnotourstosee Thu 20-Jun-13 16:43:19

Feeling slightly guilty but can't decide if IABU...

DDs friend's mum phoned me in a bit of a panic at 1pm saying she desperately needed someone to look after her dd tonight as her husband was working late and she was on late shift.

She wanted me to get her from school with dd and then her husband was going to pick her up at 5.30pm.

Last time I agreed to this it was 7.30pm before she was picked up and despite me phoning my calls were just being dropped. I never got an apology either. I have heard similar stories from other parents about the same child.

I've just had a text saying no one could do it so she's had to take unpaid time off work.

AIBU to have told her no?

LastTangoInDevonshire Thu 20-Jun-13 16:45:11

I think you should have given her another chance and THEN made a judgement call.

cansu Thu 20-Jun-13 16:45:51

No I don't think so. I think she is a bit cheeky texting you to tell you that she had to take unpaid leave. That's not really your problem.

Leeds2 Thu 20-Jun-13 16:48:33

I don't think YABU. If someone told me they would collect at 5:30, and didn't turn up till 7:30 without ringing to ask if this was OK, or at least apologising when they eventually turned up, I don't think I would look after their child either. Seems like your friends are of the same opinion if she was unable to find anyone to help!

Ignore her text. She is just trying to make you feel guilty so that you will say "yes" next time she asks.

fuzzywuzzy Thu 20-Jun-13 16:48:38

Well that's what happens when you take liberties with other people's kindness.


WeleaseWodger Thu 20-Jun-13 16:55:29

I would put her in her place and reply that you don't appreciate her attempts to make you feel bad in her last text. Especially as last time you did do her a favour, she was 2 hrs late, wouldn't answer your calls and failed to say a simple sorry. And would add, After your last text, in the future my answer will now always be a "no."

ENormaSnob Thu 20-Jun-13 16:58:03

Yanbu at all

Just ignore the bleating.


pinkyredrose Thu 20-Jun-13 16:59:21

Her childcare isn't your problem, her and her DH sound like total pisstakers.

AlistairSim Thu 20-Jun-13 17:00:40


Just reply with Fuzzy's post.

Fakebook Thu 20-Jun-13 17:01:59

Yanbu. Her not having emergency childcare sorted is her fault, not yours.

Turniptwirl Thu 20-Jun-13 17:02:46

Surely she would've known in advance what shifts she and her dh were on? When I worked shifts in a shop it was all posted a week in advance. I know sometimes you might be asked to change or cover for someone but just say no if it would cause child are issues?

I probably would've given one more chance but I don't think it's unreasonable not to, especially given the short notice. Plus, having had a guilt trip text I would be more likely to say no the next time!

LadyBryan Thu 20-Jun-13 17:04:28


She was being unreasonable to text you that she had to take unpaid leave.

SuperiorCat Thu 20-Jun-13 17:06:15

If you send a text saying what welease or fuzzy say I will send you a weeks worth of chocolate. Fantastic responses

Concreteblonde Thu 20-Jun-13 17:09:58

Would it affect you and your family badly if you did help her out ? If it disrupts you in any way then fair enough. But to be honest, I'd have given her the help this time with the strict proviso that her DD will need to be picked up at 5.30 as you have other plans etc.
I kind of thought that these sort of things are what makes people friends.

pinkyredrose Thu 20-Jun-13 17:12:42

concrete friends help each other out. Friends do not take advantage. Can you tell the difference?

MerylStrop Thu 20-Jun-13 17:15:08

I would have done it
Knowing my friends would do same for me
And I wouldn't have been that fussed about a 7.30 pickup
She sounds a bit disorganised, either that or her husband is a bit of an arse and doesn't support her working (reads between lines)
YANBU though if you didn't want to

Alibabaandthe40nappies Thu 20-Jun-13 17:15:20


And clearly she has burnt all her bridges because no-one was prepared to do it. It is all her own fault.

This is the kind of person who is always moaning that the world is against them without ever pausing to think that their behaviour might be causing it!

NotSoNervous Thu 20-Jun-13 17:15:37

YANBU and ignore the text there was need for her to send that you but she wanted you to feel bad

Concreteblonde Thu 20-Jun-13 17:16:34

I have lots of friends. We help each other out lots. Sometimes somebody gets held up, or wires get crossed about pick up times. We still help each other out.
Do you have many friends Pinky ? wink

You could send a text with a smiley face and say you are glad it was so easily sorted.

fubbsy Thu 20-Jun-13 17:20:41

My understanding is that the children are friends, but the OP is not friends with the other mum.

YANBU the guilt-trip text only confirms your instincts.

ChaoticTranquility Thu 20-Jun-13 17:27:21

Last time I agreed to this it was 7.30pm before she was picked up and despite me phoning my calls were just being dropped. I never got an apology either. I have heard similar stories from other parents about the same child.

^^This and the fact that no one is willing to do it this time speaks volumes.

The fact that she sent you a guilt trippy text just compounds that these people are piss takers.


SoleSource Thu 20-Jun-13 17:27:50

Having lots of 'friends' means fuck all


I think she took the piss, fuck her

pinkyredrose Thu 20-Jun-13 17:34:21

concrete I have plenty of friends thank you. We help each other out, we do not take the piss. Your comment was slightly passive aggressive did you mean it to be?

BrianTheMole Thu 20-Jun-13 17:38:33

I probably would have helped her out and asked her to make sure she collected on time. But a 7.30 pick up wouldn't bother me anyway.

BrianTheMole Thu 20-Jun-13 17:39:59

Your comment was slightly passive aggressive did you mean it to be?

i would think the only answer to that has to be yes grin

Concreteblonde Thu 20-Jun-13 17:41:29

About as PA as yours Pinky wink

pinkyredrose Thu 20-Jun-13 17:45:12

concrete wink

I think I'd text back and say "That's outrageous! Your husband knew you were on late shift and yet he chose to work late - and he expects YOU to be the one to take time off. I'd be having words with him if I were you. Glad you got it sorted though"

mrsravelstein Thu 20-Jun-13 17:50:07

i had a friend who did this all the time, would call me at 10pm in a panic needing child looked after all day, and i mean, a 6am drop off so she could go to work and then would be late picking up so my kids would be in bed by time she got to me. i did it about 3 times as i felt sorry for her. then stopped answering the phone when she rang me. it might not be an intentional piss take, but it definitely is one.

WinterWinds Thu 20-Jun-13 17:56:58

YANBU, I wouldn't do it either.

I once got asked to watch a neighbours child as she was off on a night out in the next town and her dp was going to drop her off and come straight back to pick up the child. She said it would only be for 10 minutes or so.
I knew it would be at least 20 minutes and allowing for traffic 30 minutes at a push, No problem says I. This was at 7.30pm. The kids were playing out anyway so wasn't an issue. (was summer)
After they'd gone her ds who was about 9 at the time turned up asking to use the toilet he was locked out and was really desperate. So I told him to stay.

Time starts rolling gets to 8pm no sign, 9pm nothing. So I start worrying as its getting dark, my own DD needs to go to bed, no answer on phone. Asked her ds if he knew where his mum was going and if he had an idea where the dp could be.
The reply "oh yeah, they were going out for dinner first". hmm

DP finally turns up stinking of lager at 9.30pm. No Apology, No explanation and also had the nerve to ask her DS why he was at my house as he wasn't supposed to be with me.
I explained that he was locked out and I couldn't leave him on the street.
He then muttered a half hearted thanks and sauntered off.....I was fuming to say the least. God knows why they thought it was perfectly reasonable to leave a 9 year old out on the street to fend for himself. hmm

Some people take the piss and that was the one and only time I watched those kids. Despite several hints waiting for me to offer, I never did.

greenfolder Thu 20-Jun-13 19:23:50

Yanbu as long as she knew that was late picking up. Had exactly the same scenario, refused to do it again and told her why. In your case, surely she could have used an after school club if dp was available at 5.30

foreverondiet Thu 20-Jun-13 19:36:08

You are not being unreasonable - I might even be tempted to post saying that you are still annoyed that when she came late last time she didn't apologise, and that it doesn't bother you that she had to take unpaid leave.

cees Thu 20-Jun-13 19:48:57

YANBU, fool me once and all that.

shewhowines Thu 20-Jun-13 19:53:56

I'd have done it, but I'd say. "Last time you were late and it really inconvenienced us. Can you make sure you are on time please or I won't be able to do it again"

Then she knows how you feel and it is up to her whether she gets favours done in the future or not.

Oldraver Thu 20-Jun-13 20:30:54

No I wouldn't do it...and in light of her attempt top make you feel guilty I would be telling her why..

AndHarry Thu 20-Jun-13 21:53:51

YANBU because 1) it sounds like they regularly take advantage and 2) shift work isn't exactly sprung as a last-minute surprise and combined with the guilt trip-inducing text makes me think she left it to the last minute so she could emotionally blackmail you/some other victim.

Ooh, I love Bertha's text grin!

"That's outrageous! Your husband knew you were on late shift and yet he chose to work late - and he expects YOU to be the one to take time off. I'd be having words with him if I were you. Glad you got it sorted though"

YANBU. I wouldn't have done it either, not after how they behaved last time.

MrsLouisTheroux Thu 20-Jun-13 22:22:53

I would have helped but I would also have told her that we were busy from 5.30 onwards so it was crucial that her DD was picked up by then.
If she picked up late, never again.

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