to think that most women would rather have a girl/girls than a boy/boys?

(444 Posts)
jellysandwich Thu 20-Jun-13 14:17:01

I have read so many posts with pregnant mothers who are upset that they are having a ds and in real life I find that mothers who have all boys or boys first, tend to denigrate them to mums of girls and put their daughters on pedestals. Mums of girls tend to not mind having no boys whereas all boy mums seem to feel sad that they have only boys. I have never come across any women who only wanted boy(s).

Am I right in thinking that most women want to have girls and wouldn't mind having all girls if they have more than one child, whereas boys are almost always seen as second best and not the desired choice of most women?

ElectricSoftParade Thu 20-Jun-13 14:18:31

Not for me. DS came along first and I was (stupidly) upset for a couple of days when I was told I was having DD. Soon got over that though smile.

Er, I have one of each, and was simply happy they had been born healthy each time.

DS is the younger, and is a nice well behaved boy. I would never be denigrating him to anyone.

havingamadmoment Thu 20-Jun-13 14:19:39

I have four girls and one boy, I dont think i would have been upset to have had 5 boys BUT I am pleased to have had some girls - if that makes any sense. I would have felt the same about having 5 girls and no ds.

paperclips Thu 20-Jun-13 14:19:41

YABU

BarbarianMum Thu 20-Jun-13 14:20:29

<<all boy mums seem to feel sad that they have only boys>>

Says who? I'm sure I would have adored girls if I'd had them but I always imagined that I'd be a mother to boys and when that proved the case I felt nothing but relief (and profound love, of course).

In fact, I've seen quite a few posts on here from mothers of boys only who are very happy with their DCs.

DoJo Thu 20-Jun-13 14:20:52

YABU - wanted a boy, had a boy, would want another buy if I had the choice.

nameuschangeus Thu 20-Jun-13 14:21:04

YABU

I know someone who was DYING to have a boy. All those MILs on the threads about spoiled, lazy, feckless DHs came from somewhere. There are plenty of boys on pedestals.

fuzzywuzzy Thu 20-Jun-13 14:21:37

No I dont think so, everyone has preferences but I dont know any woman who has only wanted girls.

tumbletumble Thu 20-Jun-13 14:21:42

In my experience (obviously this is a massive generalisation), before the baby is born women want a girl and men want a boy. Maybe they picture doing activities together and think they will be able to relate more to their own sex? BUT when the baby comes along it often seems to switch. I know lots of families where the mum is close to her DS and the DD is a daddy's girl!

Asheth Thu 20-Jun-13 14:21:42

I have three boys and think I'm the luckiest mum ever!

joencaitlinsmum Thu 20-Jun-13 14:22:03

I wanted just boys, and thought #2 was a another boy so very shocked when they said it was a girl!!

Wouldnt swop her now though but if I was to have #3 then would prefer another boy smile

I think everyone is different.
I got my little girl on the fist attempt so didn't have any more.
Had I had a boy first I probably would have had another one as I did want a girl.
But... now we are in the teenage years, mmmmm......

AllDirections Thu 20-Jun-13 14:24:08

I have 3 girls and I'm more than happy. I don't feel sad about not having any boys but I can't say how I would have felt about not having daughters if I'd had all boys.

YANBU to hold the opinion, but I don't think it is true, or that I've not experienced it.

I had a dd, then a ds, I am probably much harder on my dd because she is the oldest.

If you are after anecdotal evidence, when dd was in her cot in hospital, a day after she was born, an auxiliary asked me if I had a boy or girl, when I told her I'd had a girl she turned to the other auxiliary and said clearly in front of me "all girls are bitches".

paperclips Thu 20-Jun-13 14:24:46

Sorry DS stole my mouse. I honestly did not mind at all- I just wanted a healthy baby. I got a boy, he's super. Little boys are lovely. Little girls are lovely.

One of each is supposedly the "ideal" but I would be quite happy to have only boys. I quite like the idea of me and my boys. Or of having sons who are close to each other as they get older.

Floggingmolly Thu 20-Jun-13 14:26:18

Mums who have boys tend to denigrate them to mums of girls
How many people were in this straw poll of yours? It's utter codswallop.

DuchessFanny Thu 20-Jun-13 14:26:42

I only wanted boys and am very lucky to have three, if I could guarantee the next one would be a boy, I'd go for a fourth !!

I'm one of a few Mums with all boys and only one of them expressed a desire for her third to be a girl ( it was a boy !)

Celador Thu 20-Jun-13 14:26:49

I have one child, a 7 week old DS & adore him.

I just wanted a healthy baby but now I have him, i'm really glad he's a boy and would love him to have a little brother (although DH says no more children, but i'll grind him down :-) ).

gruffalocake Thu 20-Jun-13 14:27:09

I think tumble tumble has it spot on.
Pre DC I imagined a girl simply because that is what I could relate to. Now with 2 boys I LOVE it and am unsure I would want a girl as dc3 because we have such a fab dynamic with the boys. I'd prefer a ds3 but I know dh would like a dd so he can have the same experience I have had with two doting boys smile

RoxyFox211 Thu 20-Jun-13 14:27:10

I was hoping for/expecting a boy at first and was upset when i found out we were having a little girl, but typically i wouldnt change her for anything now and now would love more girls.

I only have boys, my preference was to have boys, I was secretly hoping when pg ds1 and ds2 were boys.
I think I'd be a crap mum to girls, I don't know why.
It would have been nice to dress them pretty and do their hair nice. But I'm so glad I've got my boys. I'm not having anymore dc either.

Yonididnaedaethat Thu 20-Jun-13 14:28:20

I have 1 DD and 2 DS, when dd goes out and it's just the boys the house is pure blisssmile.

Really? Mums of boys denigrate them to mums of girls? What toss.

5madthings Thu 20-Jun-13 14:29:09

Yabu I have four boys and was perfectly happy with that, overjoyed in fact as o wanted four children and wasn't bothered about gender.

My fifth was a bonus baby and is a girl, she is delightful like her brothers but her gender is irrelevant tbh and we would have been just as happy with a fifth boy, in fact we had boys name picked out etc and having a girl was a bit of a shock tbh.

amothersplaceisinthewrong Thu 20-Jun-13 14:29:45

I had a boy first and then a girl. I am glad to have some female company in the house, would not really have wanted to live in an all male household!

badguider Thu 20-Jun-13 14:29:53

My first is a boy and I am more than happy. If he follows mine and DHs outdoorsy/sporty interests then he will face less social pressure than a girl would if she followed our interests.
I am really not very girly at all and would struggle if I had a girl who wanted to be very prissy about dresses/shoes/makeup...

allmycats Thu 20-Jun-13 14:31:05

What a load of bollocks !!!

themonsteratemyspacebar Thu 20-Jun-13 14:31:07

Not in my opinion! I haven't had children yet but if im lucky enough to, i want hopefully only boys. My DP is one of 3 boys so fingers crossed!

(Yeah yeah i know, i have girl ishoos grin)

Pancakeflipper Thu 20-Jun-13 14:31:22

I was petrified that my PFB might be a girl.
I am just a little scared of what to do with girls. I think it is due to the relationship with my own mother.

I have DS1 and DS2. So problem solved.

I don't wish for daughters. Though I do wonder if my boys will do clothes shopping cinema stuff when teens and beyond.

And I am dreading recognising myself as the bitch MIL from hell on MN .

5madthings Thu 20-Jun-13 14:32:42

pancake is as very worried about having a girl as well! Its been fine so far, she is only 2.5tho!

chickenliversfortea Thu 20-Jun-13 14:33:11

YABU. My circle of friends all wanted boys. Mostly because we worked with children and thought boys were easier.

MrsLyman Thu 20-Jun-13 14:33:24

YABtotallyU I have two boys and I love it!

Occassionally I wonder what it might be like to have a daughter, but it's definitely just a curiousity based feeling rather than a longing because I feel hard done by.

Thurlow Thu 20-Jun-13 14:33:52

I imagined having boys. I was never one of those women who wanted to have a girl. Mostly I think this was because I was a tomboy when I was younger and have absolutely no concept of ballet, plaits, nice dresses, all the ridiculously stereotypical 'girly' things.

Now I have a DD and I've realised what an idiotic thing it is to have a preconceived idea what your child will be like because of their gender. (I'll happily say idiotic because I thought it myself).

Fenton Thu 20-Jun-13 14:33:55

Nonsense.

I don't know anyone who has been in the least bit bothered about the sex of their baby or next baby.

I have two boys and would happily have another two or more if I could. I would be equally happy to have girls.

LingDiLong Thu 20-Jun-13 14:34:05

YABU, not my experience of people with all girls or all boys at all! You must know some very strange folk. Most people I know are happy with whatever combination they have...the only person I know who seemed genuinely upset at having the 'wrong' sex was a close friend who's first child was a girl and she wanted a boy.

It was disappointing finding out the sex but was still grateful to be having a healthy baby and my main worry was that we wouldn't be close because he wasn't a girl and I was going to be a single mum.

I was very wrong grin

Asteria Thu 20-Jun-13 14:34:53

YABU

I have a boy and always dreamt of having a feral muddy herd of them after nannying for a family of 4 boys when I was younger. I recently acquired a stepson and stepdaughter and, although I love them both dearly, I have certainly found him far easier to bond with than her (which I am sure will outrage some MNers!).
Rather interestingly and sadly, my DH told me that his ex was devastated when she found out that their second child was a boy and it is very clear that she adores her DD to the point of her being on a pedestal and the two of them are often rather cruel to DS - he is the scapegoat for everything in their house. Perhaps that is why I have am so drawn to the gorgeous little chap?

SantanaLopez Thu 20-Jun-13 14:35:41

Nonsense, look at all the mummy's boys that exist!

NoelHeadbands Thu 20-Jun-13 14:36:12

I have boy, girl, boy and genuinely never cared what we got either way grin

The only twinge of slight sadness that I ever get, is that my daughter doesn't have a sister (I am close to both of mine). But that's sadness on her behalf, and I don't think she's fussed anyway.

Bragadocia Thu 20-Jun-13 14:36:25

I have a gorgeous three year old boy. Should we have another, I simply can't imagine having a girl.

However I do have a troubled relationship with my (now estranged) mother; it's a relief not to have the baggage from that in my own little family.

Shellywelly1973 Thu 20-Jun-13 14:36:43

Yabu!

One of the daftest threads on MN for ages!!

danielswifetobe Thu 20-Jun-13 14:37:19

In 4 weeks ( ish) I'll be mum to DS 5 and a lovely new baby boy and I couldnt be happier. Wouldnt change it for the world.

SaskiaRembrandtVampireHunter Thu 20-Jun-13 14:38:16

YABU. I was beyond delighted when DS1 was born, and adored him so much that when I was expecting DS2 I hoped for another boy just like him. Of course, DS2 isn't anything like his big brother, but he is wonderful in his way. That's because children are unique individuals and their gender is irrelevant.

PickleSarnie Thu 20-Jun-13 14:38:29

YABU and ridiculous and generalising wildly.

I have two boys and am utterly chuffed with that. Having a girl would scare me a little and have absolutely no desire whatsoever to try for one.

ilovexmastime Thu 20-Jun-13 14:38:38

YABU. Obviously!

Chandon Thu 20-Jun-13 14:40:27

Don't think you are right.

As a mum of boys, I tend to see a lot more of boys' mums in my life ( at sports events, schools etc.).

I can't say I ever picked up on an anti-boy sentiment!

MN has been a bit of an eye opener for me in that respect.

I absolutely love being a mum of boys, I love it. The mother-son relationship is often a very good one, IMO.

Eskino Thu 20-Jun-13 14:40:36

YABU

Sweeping generalisation! Other ones I've heard are

Boys love their mums too much
Bossy women have boys
Boys will always want to climb into your lap, girls will want to be off it as soon as possible.
Boys belong to mummy, girls belong to Daddy.

(I have 3 boys and 1 girl)
Its all Bonkers.

loveliesbleeding1 Thu 20-Jun-13 14:41:11

In my experience boys make easier teenagers! I have 1ds 2dd, boys tend to fall out less with mates, and I wanted all boys, but I love them all exactly the same, nobody on a pedestal around here

HormonalHousewife Thu 20-Jun-13 14:42:06

Yes. you are.

Jenny70 Thu 20-Jun-13 14:42:24

An author I read agreed saying first time mothers are daunted enough by having a baby to care for - and having one they identify with is slightly easier. Mums to boys think "oh heck, what do I do with boys bits, what will I be able to teach them, how will I understand their teen angst etc."

Most mothers are over that initial shock within a day or two, but it comes to the familiarity, not "wanting a girl to dress up" etc.

SummersHere Thu 20-Jun-13 14:43:19

Agree with shellywelly, silly post. I'm the only one of my friends with a boy, a lovely sweet natured, easy going boy. When I get together with my friends and their girls there's lots of tantrums/ear piercing screaming/drama. I really couldn't be doing with that and have no desire for a girl.

Frostyfoxy Thu 20-Jun-13 14:45:41

I knew, because of family circumstances, I was only ever going to try for one baby. I wanted that baby to be a boy - luckily not only did I manage to have a healthy baby (albeit with a mental disability) but he was a boy too!! grin

However had he been a girl I wouldn't have minded one jot!

wineoclocktimeyet Thu 20-Jun-13 14:46:31

If I was to have more I would want more boys everytime

LondonJax Thu 20-Jun-13 14:47:22

I had a bit of a wobble when I found out I was having a DS as I was convinced I was carrying a girl - I had twenty girls names on my list and four for boys! My wobble came when I thought I'd never be Mother of the Bride, get the chance to go clothes shopping with a DD, that sort of thing. It lasted all of half a day then I realised that any DD may not get married, may get married abroad, may not invite me and may not be a girly girl who wants to buy clothes, do make up etc.

And now DS is here, if I had the chance of another baby? I'd want a boy. He's adorable. My sister, who has three sons, has said since her first was born twenty years ago, that she prefers boys. Her friends with girls found the teenage years harder than she did with her eldest son. Her two youngest aren't into their teens yet so I'm watching that space!

xylem8 Thu 20-Jun-13 14:48:09

I think you are right, but a lot of mothers of boys won't admit to feeling this way

GeppaGip Thu 20-Jun-13 14:48:52

so wrong. i was over the moon to find out my first was a son. i am happy for my second to be either as i already have my little man.
conversely, two of my friends are considering having a third child after having two daughters and being desperate for a boy.
my oh wants a girl though.grin

dubstarr73 Thu 20-Jun-13 14:50:52

Ive only boys and i wouldnt know what to do wiht a girl.It doesnt bother me ive only boys.I never felt disappointment.I love my boys and i wouldnt have it any other way.

I love being the only girl in the house.Even if im outnumbered haha

FussandMess Thu 20-Jun-13 14:50:52

I haven't read much of the thread but I'm guessing its turned out as threads like this always do:

Lots of mums boys saying they always wanted boys and wouldn't want it any other way. They talk of muddy, feral boys compared to the princessy pink of girls.

No one ever admits it you see.

But yes OP, you are right. Most women do want a daughter. I see this lots in real life. It is something that def exists. Just not something peoplelike to admit.

Its the same as the old saying:

A son is a son till he takes a wife, a daughter's a daughter the rest of her life"........

If someone starts a thread saying 'is this saying true?', the thread will be filled with mums of boys saying 'of course it isn't', 'what rubbish' but we all know there is a degree a truth of in it. No matter how many examples the mums of boys would like to give to the contrary.

Its one of the reasons why women want girls. Its fine when the child is young, but once grown, most women don't want to be a MIL, or the less important grandparent (which can be the case if the DIL is close to her mother)

This is why most women want a girl. Not because of the childhood years, but because of what being a mother to a son means when the boy is grown.

I know mums of boys will be outraged now but really, don't waste your time venting at me. You won't change my mind and I'm hiding the thread anyway as I know you cannot admit the truth to yourself let alone out loud, its too painful, so the discussion is pointless.

throckenholt Thu 20-Jun-13 14:50:52

I was happy to have boys - infact I was positively relieved that twin DC 2&3 were boys and not girls. With DC1 I had no great yearnings either way.

peachypips Thu 20-Jun-13 14:50:59

I would hate to have girls to be honest. Couldn't cope with the teenage bit. Have two DS.

PeterParkerSays Thu 20-Jun-13 14:51:16

Sorry, but Tosh, the mums I know have more boys between them than girls, and the boys' mothers never feel they're somehow apologising for their child's gender confused

I desperately wanted a baby boy, as I had a difficult relationship with my mother and didn't trust myself to be able to start with a clean slate, as it were, if I had a girl.

I had a boy. He is fab, and we need never have toxic pink inthe house unless invited. If we had another one, DH would love a girl, but I'd have another boy every time.

tethersend Thu 20-Jun-13 14:52:26

I have posted about my experiences on MN many times- but I suffered serious gender disappointment when told that DD1 was a girl. I had always wanted boys.

It took me a long time and a lot of support, but now not only do I have amazing DD1, I have wonderful (though NEVER SLEEPING) DD2. And I am so, so happy with my family. I'm done smile

NoelHeadbands Thu 20-Jun-13 14:52:38

I'm so glad Mumsnet is here, to tell me what I think and how I really feel hmm

fairisleknitter Thu 20-Jun-13 14:53:29

Maybe for you FussandMess but honestly I'm very happy with boys. It's not painful!

Norfolknway Thu 20-Jun-13 14:53:41

I have a DD, she is fab. Expecting D? In 4 month...I couldn't care less if they're a girl or a boy.

It will be a shock if its a boy, but only because that's not what I'm used to.
I think personalities matter more than gender.

sydlexic Thu 20-Jun-13 14:53:50

Fuss and Mess has her fingers in her ears and is chanting "ner nicky ner ner." so no point in replying.

Quenelle Thu 20-Jun-13 14:53:58

What nonsense. I always wanted a boy.

If I had been lucky enough to have another I would have loved the idea of another boy.

I don't think you have to be the same sex to have a close bond with your child, or even to imagine a close bond with your unborn child.

Mintyy Thu 20-Jun-13 14:54:02

I would say that is nonsense op.

throckenholt Thu 20-Jun-13 14:54:08

Its one of the reasons why women want girls. Its fine when the child is young, but once grown, most women don't want to be a MIL, or the less important grandparent (which can be the case if the DIL is close to her mother)

Hmm - that had never even occurred to me ! Oh well - I always knew I didn't fit the "most women" mould (I hate purple and pink, hairdressers, and can't be bothered with fashion or makeup).

neriberi Thu 20-Jun-13 14:54:49

I have a boy grin and he's amazing. I always said that as long as baby was healthy I didn't mind what I had BUT I was incredibly relieved and said thank you rather a lot to the man up in the sky when I found out I was having a boy. I'm 1 of 3 girls and the the thought of having a girl made me feel slightly queasy...

I can't have anymore children, but if I could I would most definitely want another boy.

I have both and have found there's really very little gender-based difference. Boys' genitals are slightly easier to clean during nappy changes IMO but that's pretty minor in the grand scheme of things.

ShoeWhore Thu 20-Jun-13 14:55:29

I love my boys - they are ace. As I'm sure they would have been had they been girls and I'd have loved that too.

They are my children you see.

Brittabot Thu 20-Jun-13 14:55:47

How odd. Most people I know wanted one of each. I know I did but now I'm delighted with having my 2 DS. If we have a third I'd be happy with a boy or a girl, but anyone who asks if we'll have another assumes we will be trying for a girl.

GeppaGip Thu 20-Jun-13 14:57:15

i take it fussandmess has been blessed with only girls! how perculiarly narrow minded to refuse to accept people have different opinions. and to say us mums of baby boys are secretly upset shock i am a girl, i know what they are like and i think thats why i naturally prefer boys. had no idea they were considered the booby prize lol

I wanted a DD - and first DC was a girl. Second pregnancy the same and had DS. He is a dream and also an easier personality so far. I am so glad he came along.

I think the volume of affection and cuddles from him now will compensate for any potential "seeing less of him once he's married stuff"!

fairisleknitter Thu 20-Jun-13 14:59:51

It was an attention-grabbing post from F&M, I bet she'll pop back in for a look.

youbethemummylion Thu 20-Jun-13 14:59:54

No you are wrong in thinking women want girls. I wanted boys and got boys although i would have been happy either way. A child is a child.

WheresMyCow Thu 20-Jun-13 14:59:57

YABU

I would have been happy either way, but was glad when I found out we were having a boy...and this is the truth.

I am certainly not some deluded mother missing out on princessy pink unable to admit the truth to myself.

MarshaBrady Thu 20-Jun-13 15:00:46

The mil /gp thing really does not matter a jot to me. Proximity usually has more impact anyway.

dubstarr73 Thu 20-Jun-13 15:00:50

Fussandmess but it really isnt true in my case.I was just happy to have children who were healthy fed well.I had 3 mcs and i was just happy to have a pregnancy that went full term.

I often think people do be dissapointed on your behalf but not me personally

Kormachameleon Thu 20-Jun-13 15:01:26

I only wanted a boy and that is what I got. Have never felt a need for a girl. I think that's a massive generalisation

And the poster that referenced lazy feckless husbands. biscuit
What about spoilt bitchy precious wives ?

Quenelle Thu 20-Jun-13 15:01:41

FussandMess's post is hilarious. The online equivalent of spouting a load of nonsense and then putting fingers in ears shouting 'I CAN'T HEAR YOU!' when inevitably disagreed with.

I think there are unresolved ishoos there.

treaclesoda Thu 20-Jun-13 15:02:22

I've never met anyone in real life who is disappointed by the children that they already have. The 'everyone prefers girls' thing is something that I have definitely only come across on mumsnet and not in real life. In fact, if I had to really think about it, I would say that in my experience there is still a bias towards boys. To 'carry on the family name' and crap like that. Even when I only had one child, I had people sympathise with me along the lines of 'oh well, hopefully you'll get a boy next time' as though my DD was some sort of second rate practice child, so that I would be ready for the day my little prince would be born hmm. I tended to give them the evil glare of death...

xylem8 Thu 20-Jun-13 15:02:59

I think most women want both, but would prefer all girls to all boys.

treaclesoda Thu 20-Jun-13 15:03:29

as it happens I did get a boy next time, but I wouldn't have cared one bit if he had been another girl.

fairisleknitter Thu 20-Jun-13 15:05:15

xylem why do you think that?

When I was pregnant with my first didn't care whether baby was a boy or girl- had a boy. Didn't care with number 2 either- boy. Actually wanted a boy with number 3 and I thought I was going to have a boy (pregnancy was identical etc etc) and was shocked at delivery when number 3 was a girl. Completely shocked and had so wanted to be the mum of boys almost mourned the boy I thought I was having. Roll on 3 years later and number 3 is the best girl for me. She is a perfect fit. Feisty and spirited and a proper little girl. I was never into dressing up, clothes but I love doing it for my daughter. Number 4, may have had my first preference for a girl (matching pairs) and baby is a delightful boy. My boys are precious.

I don't hold anything about the saying a daughter is for life, a son until he has a wife. My husband and his brothers are the right kind of mummy's boys. They are very independent, no apron string issues (IMO) but spoil her and take great care of her (better than her daughters IMO).

BergholtStuttleyJohnson Thu 20-Jun-13 15:06:53

YABU. I only have boys and don't mind at all that I don't have a girl. When pregnant I never had a gender preference. I just wanted two children. My sisters both want only boys and no girls. I find it a bit odd to actually not want a particular sex. A child is a child and the sex is really not that important. They are all individuals.

MrsDeVere Thu 20-Jun-13 15:07:10

What a load of old crap.

And insulting
And based on what exactly?

DD1 is a lot muddier and DD2 a lot more feral than DS ever was, by the way.

MrsDeVere Thu 20-Jun-13 15:07:52

That was re the OP rather than the post above smile

KellyElly Thu 20-Jun-13 15:10:40

I wanted a girl and had one. I'd say quite a few of my friends wanted girls as well. One wanted boys and has had two girls. When they're born you love them either way, it's usually just a first baby thing.

VBisme Thu 20-Jun-13 15:11:23

I am a stepmum, and think I'm extremely lucky that DH had boys with his ex wife.

However if I'd been able to have children of my own I wouldn't have cared what sex they were.

nethunsreject Thu 20-Jun-13 15:11:55

yabu!

ChunkyPickle Thu 20-Jun-13 15:12:07

Not me either - for the first it truly didn't matter, for the second it didn't matter because either I'd be having one of each, or I'd have a matched pair - both of which is nice for different reasons.

TBH I'm half grateful that I'll never have to help a girl through puberty, or any of the other girl stuff that I'm not particularly good at myself anyhow, or the sea of pink that seems to come with girls these days, not to mention practical things like long hair down plug holes (well, unless DS decides to grow his).

Boys are fine, girls are fine. No preference, happy with what I've got.

sweetestcup Thu 20-Jun-13 15:14:54

Fussandmess - and yes I have no doubt you will read this, I dont believe for one minute you are hiding the thread - speak for yourself, I have a mind of my own, something you cant seem to grasp judging from your post since you are speaking for "all" women eh hmm

My relationship with my sons now (age 5, 11, 20) will dictate my relationship with them as adults and when they marry etc...not some stupid rhyme.

Meglet Thu 20-Jun-13 15:19:35

yabu.

I secretly hoped DC1 was a boy for 2 bonkers reasons, 1) any future siblings would have a big brother to look after them at school (I was bullied) and 2) there would be less leg shaving stress as me and XP are both dark haired.

Luckily DC1 was a boy and was followed by DD 2 years later. So I'm incredibly lucky that it happened that way.

ToomuchIsBackOnBootcamp Thu 20-Jun-13 15:20:03

Nope, not here, Op not at all my experience. I have one Ds, was delighted he was a boy, love every bit of him and have so much fun with him (I'm pretty tomboyish myself and girlie pink glittery crap makes me want to heave) and have never really thought about another, but if I had, would have been thrilled with a second boy. He is smart, affectionate, sensitive, gets over stuff quickly, so no moods, grudges or bitchiness to deal with so far, and is just great company.

Don't know what you've been reading to come to those conclusions OP, but I love having a boy and would shout their praises from the rooftops.

Lovecat Thu 20-Jun-13 15:21:08

YABVU. I wanted a boy, or so I thought until DD came along. It was DH who wanted a girl.

If we're in the sweeping, unresearched, probably not-actually-true generalisations game I've noticed that lots of the 'Feminism has gone too far/I'm a man's woman/what about the men' posters on the FWR boards are mothers of boys only... wink

fairisleknitter Thu 20-Jun-13 15:21:09

Am I unusual for not coming across OP's and FussandMess's attitudes in real life? I know some people will feel gender disappointment either way, but it doesn't crop up in conversation.

HugeLaurie Thu 20-Jun-13 15:23:40

I can honestly say that when I was pregnant I wanted a boy. I hate all of this "mums only want girls" nonsense. It really annoys me. Like having a boy is second best or something, which it absolutely is not.

valiumredhead Thu 20-Jun-13 15:29:59

Er no, you wouldn't be right OP.

IsThisAGoodIdea Thu 20-Jun-13 15:30:58

YABVU and deliberately goady.

I really wanted a boy first and was delighted to get one. I am from a family of all girls - nightmare - emotionally unstable passive aggressive nasty brats (for want of a far stronger word). I knew that I didn't want a family with more than one daughter so if I'd have had a girl first I'd have been screwed.

I'm currently pg with a girl. That's fine but I certainly never yearned for one.

I adore every fibre of my little boy's being. He's my perfect child.

I also think it's only a certain type of woman who is desperate for a daughter. The type who will lap up the pink shit, daddy's princess rubbish.

Ashoething Thu 20-Jun-13 15:32:02

YABU- both dh and I both her a preference for a ds. Which we had. My sister also wanted a ds which she had. When I was told I was having a dd I have to admit to being a tiny bit disappointed-now of course I love her to bits.

With our 3rd dc we again both had a preference for a ds-which again we had.

sweetestcup Thu 20-Jun-13 15:32:50

I also think it's only a certain type of woman who is desperate for a daughter. The type who will lap up the pink shit, daddy's princess rubbish

Yes totally agree with this.

SaskiaRembrandtVampireHunter Thu 20-Jun-13 15:33:05

The pink princess thing always puzzles me. How do people who want a pink, frilly, Barbie loving daughter cope if she turns out to be into football, pot-holing and motorbikes?

ShadowStorm Thu 20-Jun-13 15:34:12

IME (from people I've met in RL), before the baby's born, if a preference is mentioned, most women say they want a girl, and most men say they want a boy.

BUT - once the baby's actually born, I haven't met any mum's who feel "sad" about not having a daughter, or dad's who seem "sad" about not having a son. They all seem to be genuinely happy with the child they've got, regardless of it's gender.

fedupofnamechanging Thu 20-Jun-13 15:37:19

I think that FussandMess has a point - a lot of women are scared that they will lose that closeness with their sons, once the sons get married. I think they believe that to be less likely with a daughter.

Of course there are exceptions and people who buck the trend, but the saying 'a son's a son til he gets a wife but a daughter's a daughter all of her life' exists because there is a grain of truth in it!

I don't think that people believe girls are better than boys per se - in truth your kids are your kids and you love them equally.And in childhood there is little difference between them. I have 3 boys and one girl and in personality terms they all love climbing on walls/football/shopping/cuddles and their sex has little to do with it.

I disagree that mothers of boys denigrate their sons and put their daughters on pedestals. As a mother of 4, I have met a lot of parents over the years and I have never heard anyone do this.

Ipp3 Thu 20-Jun-13 15:38:22

I was upset for an afternoon when I was told it was a boy, until I realised this was just because we had decided a girl's name but not a boys so had bonded with a girl who had just disappeared! Was then fine and would now love another boy!

MarinaIvy Thu 20-Jun-13 15:39:51

We were (and still are) determined to be gender non-bigots, etc. Neutral clothing when DS was tiny, teaching him "boy" and "girl" skills, etc. We were (and still are) thrilled to bits. We'd waited for so long and had so many failures before we were finally blessed, something like the gender was soo-hooohooo not an issue.

So you'd think it wouldn't have mattered at all, and it doesn't, but I'm going to be brave and admit that ...

hmmm, "disappointed" is way too strong a word.

I dunno, I just always pictured having a little girl, a "mini-me", if you will, I can teach her not to make the same mistakes, etc etc. So, having a boy was a mental adjustment, I have to admit (we had opted not to know the gender during the scans).

Does this help? Because even I can't figure out what I just said.

IsThisAGoodIdea Thu 20-Jun-13 15:40:22

Shadow, I've never encountered anyone who has expressed a preference either way. Most intelligent people surely know that having a preference is futile as the gender is determined at the point of conception. What's the point in wishing either way? It's a done deed.

SaskiaRembrandtVampireHunter Thu 20-Jun-13 15:40:50

"Of course there are exceptions and people who buck the trend, but the saying 'a son's a son til he gets a wife but a daughter's a daughter all of her life' exists because there is a grain of truth in it!"

I think that may have been true in the days when young men often moved to other areas for work, or joined the armed forces, while their sisters stayed in the same small area as their parents. However, now that most people end up moving away from their families it's probably not as relevant.

Mollydoggerson Thu 20-Jun-13 15:41:33

I wanted boys as they were few and far between in my family. Now I wouldn't care one way or the other, but they were the limited sex in our family (when I was pregnant first) so therefore it was very exciting to have boys.

MrsMook Thu 20-Jun-13 15:41:45

I love my two DSs and it feels very comfortable and right. Around the time DS1 was conceived I had a deep think and realised I felt more comfortable with the idea of a son as my family has a string of difficult mother-daughter relationships.

If I have a DC3, it's because I want a 3rd DC. I'd be very happy with a 3rd son or a daughter. It doesn't really matter.

Before DS2 was born I commented about needing a dainty little girl, but that was only beacuse DS1 got his big head stuck at birth which was highly inconvenient! Fortunately DS2's head is more modestly proportioned so all is well.

TheReturnoftheSmartArse Thu 20-Jun-13 15:42:02

Really? I have 2 bio DDs and had no preference as to their sex before they were born. DS is adopted but we would have welcomed him regardless.

ExpectingaBundle Thu 20-Jun-13 15:42:13

Nope -- I'm happy with either.

lljkk Thu 20-Jun-13 15:43:07

yanbu, I think it's pretty obvious that in modern times, in the UK, Girls are strongly the preferred gender. Not saying that's right, just the way folk tend to feel.

MN is not like real life, we know that.

IsThisAGoodIdea Thu 20-Jun-13 15:43:33

Ha, MrsMook - all the 9lb plus babies I know of are girls!

Kaekae Thu 20-Jun-13 15:45:37

I must admit to feeling slightly upset when I found out my first baby was a boy! Madness. I love having a boy but equally love having a girl. My DS is SO much easier than my DD. My gran had five sons, no daughters. I never heard her ever say she had longed for a girl, personally I would like to experience having boys and girls. Thankfully, I have one of each.

IsThisAGoodIdea Thu 20-Jun-13 15:45:44

Might be obvious in your world lljkk, not mine.

So because the overwhelming consensus if the thread doesn't fit with your view, you dismiss it as not being real?

Mollydoggerson Thu 20-Jun-13 15:47:02

I don't understand why girls, or boys for that matter would be the strongly preferred gender in a community at large, not these days with gender equality. I can understand why particular people might yearn for one or the other depending on life circumstances up to the point of pregnancy, but not a general community consensus that one gender is more preferable.

Generalisations - All nonsense.

SHarri13 Thu 20-Jun-13 15:47:21

Hmm, difficult. I have three boys who are amazing and I wouldn't swap them for the world but we're conditioned to want girls in this country, it's like the ultimate. People just seem to feel sorry for me when they see me with three boys, God knows why, we have a great life.

If we were to have another baby, we always said we'd have 4, I'd assume and be delighted with a boy but would welcome a girl to see what all of the fuss is about. There's definitely a seeming superiority that comes with having a girl and I want me some of that!

melliebobs Thu 20-Jun-13 15:47:35

Got to say me n dh were dissapointed that our first child was Infact a dd. but we got over it n tbh she's a person to me now rather than a girl/boy. But I still want my big brood of boys grin

donttellalfred Thu 20-Jun-13 15:47:38

YABU. I love having boys. I quite wanted a boy when I was first PG although I'm not sure why. If I'd had girls I'd have loved having girls, I expect. Your experience conditions how you feel but most people are happy with either IME.

SoupDragon Thu 20-Jun-13 15:48:06

YABU.

StuntGirl Thu 20-Jun-13 15:48:26

Nope. YABU. And an idiot.

Handy rule of thumb - not all women think the same things you do.

somewherewest Thu 20-Jun-13 15:54:51

I've honestly never encountered that amongst actual mothers in real life, although I've met one older woman who seemed to think I would be disappointed about having a boy. Maybe I've been lucky?

I love having a boy and wouldn't be bothered if I never had a girl. I'm guessing this is slightly cultural (I'm Irish - the Irish stereotype is that sons are close to their mothers, whereas mothers and daughters fight like two cats in a sack), but mostly personal - I've zero interest in stereotypically 'girly' things, so wouldn't feel the lack of a girl to do them with. In fact the thought of pink, princessy shite terrifies me grin.

FreudiansSlipper Thu 20-Jun-13 15:57:22

No. I really wanted a boy

Of course I would have been just as happy with a girl if I have another I am happy with a boy or girl I would be happy just to have another baby but blessed with my wonderful little boy

Not at all. I have one dd who is very little at the moment so no plans for little brother or sister for a few years, but I would've been happy if she was a boy, girl, twins of each or both, whatever the combination was. Same for when we have dc2.

Don't get me wrong I'd find it interesting to see what it'd be like to have one girl and one boy but that's by the by if I have two girls that'll make me as happy as anything.

I think it depends on the parent though.

LaundryLegoLunch Thu 20-Jun-13 15:59:51

OP you're an idiot.

HTH.

Catlike Thu 20-Jun-13 16:02:26

Is anyone else experiencing déjà vu reading this thread? Have had to check the posting date because I'm sure I read a very similar one not too long ago. It even had the smug, nasty "yes, you keep telling yourself you're not bitterly disappointed you don't have a DD" style posts shock

noddyholder Thu 20-Jun-13 16:03:29

nonsense

grimbletart Thu 20-Jun-13 16:13:24

For those who say they couldn't cope with all the pink and glitter around girls - news flash. Pink and glitter is not compulsory for girls - only for retailers and people in marketing. grin

My 2 ads (now grown up) would not have been seen dead in pink and glitter and on the odd occasion dresses were required would almost have to be surgically removed from their jeans.

I've got one of each. DS is the eldest and I was surprised and a wee bit disappointed. I'd always assumed I'd have a girl first (no reason).
With DD, I assumed she would be a DS. I was surprised and a wee bit disappointed.
Now I'm happy with what I have. On lucky to have 2 beautiful, clever, healthy children who are a PITA some of the time. But they're 5 and 2, so I don't really expect different smile

grimbletart Thu 20-Jun-13 16:14:36

ads? DDs for FFS.

Note to spellcheckers. If I had wanted to say ads I would have said it. Gah!

GibberTheMonkey Thu 20-Jun-13 16:16:49

I have three boys and a girl bbgb
I find my dd the most difficult though I love her dearly and if were to have another and could choose I would probably choose another boy.

Areyoumadorisitme Thu 20-Jun-13 16:17:21

YABU - I wanted a boy for dc1 and was lucky and got one. For DC2 I had originally wanted one of each before having kids but when I was pregnant I ended up in years to a friend worried that I would be disappointed if it was a girl. 'It' turned out to be a boy but in reality I would have been happy with either after some adjusting to a girl.

I can't stand the sex bias that some people have either way and think it's a real shame for the kids if they're not be desired sex.

Timetoask Thu 20-Jun-13 16:17:51

Not me. I am SOOO happy I don't have girls. Too much worry! Love boys, sporty, fun, cuddly, perfect.

Keztrel Thu 20-Jun-13 16:17:51

Yes YABU and ridiculous. FWIW My mum wanted six boys. My best friend wants 3 boys (only has one so far). I couldn't care less, but I realised this morning that whenever I picture my future child it's a boy who looks like DH.

googlyeyes Thu 20-Jun-13 16:18:32

I also think it's only a certain type of woman who is desperate for a daughter. The type who will lap up the pink shit, daddy's princess rubbish*

What a nasty generalisation. What would you call the countless posters who have said they were desperate for boys?

Sad the way these threads always end up having an anti-girl tone (girls are bitchy, terrible teenagers etc)

I have dd and 2 boys and I have to say I have definitely noticed a preference for girls IRL. ON THE WHOLE, men are not as close to their mothers as daughters and to be called a mummy's boy is still an insult after a certain age.

I have high hopes that my boys and I will always be close but seeing most of the men I know does worry me! Without exception they adore their mums but from a distance iyswim. They are all much more involved with their wives' families

Catlike Thu 20-Jun-13 16:18:34

Note to spellcheckers. If I had wanted to say ads I would have said it. Gah!

My spellchecker likes to change 'fucking' to 'ducking'. Because I am SO much more likely to use the word 'ducking' regularly.

googlyeyes Thu 20-Jun-13 16:21:54

Not me. I am SOOO happy I don't have girls. Too much worry! Love boys, sporty, fun, cuddly, perfect

I rest my case!

As if all boys are sporty (ha!), cuddly etc. Bollocks.

Why the wild generalisations about either gender? There are as many boys who are little shits as there are girls

MrsDeVere Thu 20-Jun-13 16:22:32

Well I am worried that my DIL's will not like me
or that my DS will have ill advised relationships or behave like gits and lose contact with their children and I with my grandchildren.

I would be lying if I didn't admit that.

Because as the maternal GM you are generally (of course not always) the one who the mother turns to for advice (whether they agree with it or not).

So it makes me sad. But that sadness is compounded because I will never get to be GM to my DD's children. I will never get to help her through labour, I will never get to tell her 'you know what you are doing, you are a great mum'

But did I want girls instead of boys? Of course not. I thought DD was a boy, we didn't get told the gender in those days.

I have four boys and they are all different. DS3 loves ballet and pink and butterflies and ponies. His sister was never into all that (apart from the pink and butterflies and that all came much later).

MrsBungle Thu 20-Jun-13 16:23:55

Yabu. You must have a very small sample group!

I have one of each . Honestly couldn't have cared if I'd had 2 boys or 2 girls.

I look at them and just see their personalities not their genders.

Thurlow Thu 20-Jun-13 16:24:14

Oh - name changer / first-time poster.

Not remotely suspect at all.

OP, are you going to come back and discuss any of this - or should we expect an article in the DM or an item on Matthew Wright in the next few days?

In my experience, women who go on about having girls and not wanting boys want a little friend/dolly rather than a child to parent. And they don't have any children yet.

<sweeping generalisation>

Most people don't particularly talk about gender preference at all, and if they do it is in a vague and general way. I have never encountered anyone make unfavourable comments about the sex of their own children - bizarre!

Some women want boys, some want girls, some want a mixture, some aren't bothered. Is it that hard to understand?

Fakebook Thu 20-Jun-13 16:27:06

Haven't read the whole thread. YABU.

I know a woman who cried every time she had a baby girl. She hated women with sons and would do her best to be spiteful towards them because of it.

I wanted a DS after dd just so I had one of each. I wouldn't mind if I had another son. I'm not fussy for either sex as I know I love all my children the same.

Have finished reading the thread, and am now cross.

It is still shit to be female. It is still a massive advantage in terms of expectations, opportunities, body autonomy, etc to be male. Frankly I wouldn't wish a vagina on anyone.

I can be a better feminist, and make more of a difference to gender equality, by raising boys than I could by raising one or more girls and being chronically torn between ideals and reality.

PrincessScrumpy Thu 20-Jun-13 16:32:27

I think most women just want a healthy baby, those with genuine preference are few and far between

Catlike Thu 20-Jun-13 16:32:55

I have high hopes that my boys and I will always be close but seeing most of the men I know does worry me! Without exception they adore their mums but from a distance iyswim. They are all much more involved with their wives' families

I don't tend to worry about that because DH is very close to his parents as is his brother. I don't see that as a bad thing at all, quite the opposite. The importance of family to him was one of the reasons I thought he'd be a good long term prospect! He speaks to his parents every day and they see DS at least once a week, BIL's kids see them even more than that. BIL's wife's parents aren't really interested. We see PIL at least as often as we see my parents smile

Also, I was far closer to my Dad's mum than my other grandmother. We lived with them when I was a baby and then she looked after me every day when I was a toddler so we had a very close relationship. I can't stand my maternal grandmother, she's emotionally abusive to my mum and was towards me too when I was younger.

So I don't really worry about DS being distant when he's older, it's just not a pattern I recognise from either my or DH's families.

WoTmania Thu 20-Jun-13 16:33:42

I wanted all boys and was quite upset when last baby was a DD (wouldn't swap her now) and I cna't say that any of my friends have been unhappy at having boys or wanted girls more

ouryve Thu 20-Jun-13 16:35:04

Why would I want a girl? Ewwww!!!! [childish nose wrinkle] They're far too complicated!

I honestly think that I have the right children for me with my beyond quirky boys. 95% of the pink in the house is MINE! grin

OrmirianResurgam Thu 20-Jun-13 16:38:28

No. why?

PrincessScrumpy Thu 20-Jun-13 16:40:13

Shocked by how many people"wanted" a particular gender and the stupid opinions of what having each gender means. I have 3dds and each is very different and judging by the stereotypes on here, one must be a boy! Never seen so many stupid messages on one post.

nemno Thu 20-Jun-13 16:45:18

I can't read the whole thread but the OP is nonsense imo. I knew I would love whatever came along but inside I totally wanted boys. And I got them smile

Opening post talking shite then doesn't come back! grin

All 3 of my boys were wanted as boys , we never once wanted a girl.

SmiteYouWithThunderbolts Thu 20-Jun-13 16:49:43

I know more women who are just desperate to have a baby than I know women who are desperate to have one gender over another.

When pregnant with dc1, I hoped he was a boy so that any future children would have a lovely big brother to protect them. Daft, I know, but I always wished I had a big brother when I was growing up (I am the eldest).

SkinnybitchWannabe Thu 20-Jun-13 16:55:08

Ive got 3 amazing ds. I was very upset after having ds number 2 because I had everyone asking me if I was hoping for a girl. At that time my hospital didn't tell us the sex so I started to hope I was having a daughter.
But when I was expecting number 3 I wasn't bothered at all what he was because I was having some major health problems so he was my little surprise.
I couldn't imagine myself with a dd now.

SkinnybitchWannabe Thu 20-Jun-13 17:02:27

Just to add to my above post.
Between me and two of my friends we have 10 boys and no girls!!...we're sure there must be something in the water around here wink

SinisterBuggyMonth Thu 20-Jun-13 17:04:42

When I started ttc I prefered a girl, 18mo later I couldn't have cared either way, I just wanted to be pregnant with a healthy baby. I got lucky and we had a beautiful boy.

I think I only imagine having a girl because I was so close too my mum, not so much too my dad and just wanted too repeat that relationship. It was a lovely suprise too find how different and wonderful a mother and song relationship is.

So I have 1 DS and 1 DSS. Unfortunately I cant have any more children, but if I had been able too have one more I'd prefer a son.

jellysandwich Thu 20-Jun-13 17:07:04

Sorry, I just wanted to come back and explain what I meant about denigrating boys.

In the last week alone I have had 3 different occasions in which I have heard mums with boys saying things that I would consider denigrating. One was in the supermarket where the cashier was saying how lazy her son was in comparison to her girls for potty training, another was a mum at school who was shaking her head and moaning about how energetic her two boys were and how she wished she had a nice little girl who sat quietly. The third was from another mum who has two girls and went on to have a baby boy and was saying how much more difficult and whiny he was than her girls.

Maybe I am just more sensetive to these kind of comments because I only have boys.

mumofweeboys Thu 20-Jun-13 17:13:57

I didnt have a pref honestly with my first and had a boy. Preg with my second someone suggested a girl, the thought of having a girl terrified me. I know boys. Luckily for me I have all boys. tbh i dont want a girl. Im much happier playing rugby with my boys than having to try and do hair/nails yawn.

fancyanother Thu 20-Jun-13 17:14:53

I have boys, I never wanted a girl. Maybe this has something to do with my less than perfect relationship with my mother, who wanted a girly, makeup loving little girl who liked dollies and planned her wedding from the age of 5 and got.. me! Women who want little girls because they want to shop and do makeup and hair with them make me sad, because Iwas the girl who never wanted to do that, and was moaned at for most of my teenage years for not 'making enough effort with my looks/ reading too much/ thinking too much/ not dressing up nicely enough etc etc.
My brother is closer to my mum. My DH is closer to his mum than his sister and we speak to them most weekends. They are always moaning that they don't hear from his sister as much.

Bejeena Thu 20-Jun-13 17:24:24

I am over the moon that I am having a boy, was what we both would have preferred. But I would have been just as delighted with a girl.

I'd rather two boys or 1 boy and 1 girl over 2 girls any day.

Bejeena Thu 20-Jun-13 17:25:31

ONly thing that worries me though is one day, maybe in 30 years time I'll be a MIL that all the ladies on here moan about!

Faxthatpam Thu 20-Jun-13 17:26:31

I haven't read the whole thread either, but I do think YABU.

As a mum of 4 boys I have experienced a few sad and pitying faces, and one woman actually said "Oh dear never mind" when I told her the sex of my third, but these silly comments were only from a few older women. I think it is a generational thing and certainly not universal.

There are lovely boys and lovely girls and equally "difficult" stages can happen with both sexes, as they are all individuals. Some people do generalise about this, but it's mostly tongue in cheek and off the cuff IME, not to be taken seriously.

I absolutely love my boys, but am certain I would say exactly the same of my girls had I had them.

Jins Thu 20-Jun-13 17:27:05

I could never see myself with a girl. Just as well the hoped for boys turned up.

elemis Thu 20-Jun-13 17:29:43

I have a boy
I never particularly wanted a girl
And I don't particularly want one now
Would be very happy with another boy

I think your hypotheses is a pile of tosh quite frankly

TheRealFellatio Thu 20-Jun-13 17:33:29

I do hear of women saying they were devastated when baby was a boy - especially if it was a second, third etc. I don't think I've ever heard that said about having another girl. I don't know why but we seem to be culturally programmed to value girls more than boys, unlike most of the rest of the world.

I hate it when I hear anyone saying they are disappointed in the sex of their child. It makes me want to hit them. I have three boys and only ever experienced a nano-second of regret that DS2 and DS3 were boys, and bonded with them instantly and never wished they were anything else than who they were, from the second I held them.

I have never longed for a girl, I just sort of assumed I'd have one, but I didn't - and I wouldn't change it for anything. I certainly would not keep having more and more children in an attempt to get one.

I'm too ancient to have any more kids and I never wanted a fourth but if I suddenly found myself miraculously PG now I'd happily plump for a 4th boy given the choice. I'm too old to tackle the unknown now. grin

MaryKatharine Thu 20-Jun-13 17:35:27

I haven't read the whole thread but...
I have 2 of each. B,g,g,b. I am ashamed to admit that I was devastated when dd1 was born and she wasn't a 2nd son. I love her to bits now but I only ever saw myself with boys and so wanted ds1 to have a brother so we went for a 3rd and got dd2! We eventually got ds2 but the gap between my boys is big and ds2 has some problems so its never going to be the close brotherly unit who camp in the woods together. I love my children equally but I would have been more than happy with just boys.

MadBusLady Thu 20-Jun-13 17:36:22

I think I'd love boys if I were to have children. Maybe because I have a not totally uncomplicated relationship with my own mother IYSWIM. I'd be much more on edge with a girl worrying I was going to "do it wrong". So I'm sure a lot of it is about the baggage of your own upbringing.

MaryKatharine Thu 20-Jun-13 17:37:58

I think part of my problem when dd1 was born was pn depression which hit me on day 1 plus literally everyone coming up to me and saying oh you must be so pleased to have one of each, how perfect.

propertyNIGHTmareBEFOREXMAS Thu 20-Jun-13 17:39:59

I think most women do want at least one girl. I am delighted that I have three. I am equally delighted with ds though too. I think I would have felt sad not to have any girls.

Badvoc Thu 20-Jun-13 17:39:59

Nope.
Very happy to have 2 boys.

It's anecdotical, but yes, it seems that the majority of parents to be I met wished for a girl.

And there's plenty of smug parents of girls around grin

HollyBerryBush Thu 20-Jun-13 17:42:26

I had no desire whatsoever to have girls. I look at teenage girls on the street and thank my lucky stars I don't have girls.

Mrschocolate Thu 20-Jun-13 17:42:33

I only wanted a DS and could only picture myself having boys. First DC was a DD and I was shocked and worried. I love her of course but until I had her I only wanted a boy.

BIWI Thu 20-Jun-13 17:46:16

Welcome to Mumsnet, jellysandwich.

YAVBU and this is a really silly OP.

One anecdote does not make data.

Alisvolatpropiis Thu 20-Jun-13 17:54:06

Yanbu to an extent.

I can't imagine having a son, as in picture it in my head. I'm sure when I do have children though I'll be just as happy with a healthy boy as with a healthy girl.

YABU as I know lots of mums of boys who are very happy to have all boys. However, i personally was desperate to have a girl, and although I love all my boys I was absolutely over the moon when i had my DD

thebody Thu 20-Jun-13 18:06:45

I love my boys but admit I desperately wanted a girl as no 3 as well.... I just did! Had 2 dds.

However now older and wiser just glad they are all healthy and realise that being girls or boys is irrelevant. They are individuals not sexes.

MrsCampbellBlack Thu 20-Jun-13 18:07:40

Well I had 2 boys and honestly thought I didn't mind what sex dc3 was. And then I had my 20 week scan and found out she was a girl and honestly, I was overjoyed.

I love my boys of course but having a very close relationship with my mother and sister, I guess I did want a daughter.

Of course, if I'd had 2 girls, I'm sure I'd have been overjoyed to then have a son.

I blame all the anti-mil threads on here though. And I do agree with fussandmess that its not when they're litte that's a problem but when they're adults. I live in fear of the 'you're not his family anymore' stuff that is said on here about the mothers of grown up sons.

hamilton75 Thu 20-Jun-13 18:08:03

YABU you don't speak for all women and so can't make such assumptions really.

Thesebootsweremadeforwalking Thu 20-Jun-13 18:10:42

YABU. My DS is lovely, so's my DD.

opalescent Thu 20-Jun-13 18:10:56

I had a boy, and was overjoyed. Coming from a very female dominant family, it was/is such an excitement, a massive change of dynamic. he continues to be a source of wonder for my whole extended family grin

Lastofthepodpeople Thu 20-Jun-13 18:16:57

YABU I have a DS and was thrilled to have a boy. We're trying for DC2 and I honestly don't mind if its either. I don't know anyone who's said they're sorry to have a boy or denigrates their sons. maybe its just your friends.

exoticfruits Thu 20-Jun-13 18:18:12

You get a very distorted view of things if you take MN as the general view of anything!
I suppose that in RL I have come across this view of propertyNightmareBC
I think most women do want at least one girl.

I have had it said that it is sad that I will not experience *the mother/daughter relationship*-ironically by someone who has a lousy one with her own DD!

I have 3 DSs and am quite happy. You have a 50/50 chance -I can't see the point in having a DC if you mind which gender, because a 50% chance of being disappointed is rather high.

exoticfruits Thu 20-Jun-13 18:20:10

It generally boils down to wanting a doll like person to dress and style their hair, someone to shop with and a hope for a best friend as an adult-and experience should tell you that is just the luck of the draw!

perplexedpirate Thu 20-Jun-13 18:22:31

YABU. I wanted a DS, I got a DS. Won't be having any more as I already have just what I always wanted.

AThingInYourLife Thu 20-Jun-13 18:26:22

"I think I'd be a crap mum to girls, I don't know why.
It would have been nice to dress them pretty and do their hair nice."

grin

I know why!

grimbletart Thu 20-Jun-13 18:27:32

I would like to take those who have a preference for one sex or the other and introduce them to certain members of my family. When they see what it is like to have an incredibly severely developmentally and physically disabled child and the life-changing effect that has on the whole family I would like to think they would be on their knees with gratitude that they have a healthy child.

The "I wanted a boy" or "I wanted a girl" attitude makes me shudder.
I would be concerned that those with a massive leaning to one sex or the other or more likely to stereotype their boy or girl i.e. to have expectations that one sex is "more this" or "less that", boys are easier than girls or vice versa. They are all individuals and there is so much more difference between two individuals of the same sex than there is between boys and girls generally.

Remind me - this is 2013 isn't it?

ilovecolinfirth Thu 20-Jun-13 18:28:35

2 beautiful sons who are my life. Would not change them for a thing. Didn't find out what we were having because we didn't care, but always had it in my head that they would've been boys. First time I lay eyes on both of them I fell so much in love with them. Cannot even begin to imagine life with girls.

Bythebeach Thu 20-Jun-13 18:41:42

I have three sons. When I was pregnant with my first I could only imagine a girl until the scan but overwhelmed with joy and strangely pride on finding out he was a boy. Number 2 was expecting a boy and he just fit. Number 3 I had slight momentary sense of sadness at scan but more because I didn't want friends and family to dismiss his importance as he is another boy.

I love being mum to three sons. It is perfect!

BridgetBidet Thu 20-Jun-13 18:41:51

Exactly how unimaginative would you have to be to think that ALL people would want to have the same thing and feel the same way?

MerryOnMerlot Thu 20-Jun-13 18:42:35

Biggest load of bollocks I've heard in a long time.

MrsGSR Thu 20-Jun-13 18:43:54

I always wanted a boy first (now I'm pregnant I'd be happy either way!) and my SIL wants only boys.

Ruprekt Thu 20-Jun-13 18:44:49

YABU and very rude!!!

I have 2 boys and could not have been more thrilled!

My friend has 3 boys and wanted no girls at all.

Another friend has 3 girls and wanted 3 boys!!!

I am grateful that they are healthy and bright and funny and gorgeous and no desire for me to have a girl at all!!

Have my first biscuit

Pagedown Thu 20-Jun-13 18:47:28

I find a few mums of all boys (especially of 3+) seem to have totally lost their sense of self and have metamorphosed partly into a male themselves, short masculine haircuts, clothes that could have come from their husbands wardrobe and they just look really downtrodden. I imagine in some very male dominated households it's easier to conform with the majority. And it just all looks so bloody knackering.

Ashoething Thu 20-Jun-13 18:47:58

Grimble-in addition to the 2 ds and dd that I have,I have also buried 3 baby ds and had numerous miscarriages.I still had a preference for a ds-especially as my 1st ds only lived for 10 hours.So I shall not be apologising for wanting a son,thanks.

jellybeans Thu 20-Jun-13 18:48:08

Some of my friends who only had boys were as OP described. I had 2 DDs and no real desire for boys as only heard negative things about boys. I admit to 'feeling sorry' for those with only boys. I feel stupid now as once I had my own boys I revelled in being a boy mum and it is as amazing as being a mum to girls. I now appreciate other's boys too.

The friends with 2 or 3 boys and 'desperate' for girls did go on to have a girl. They treat them like a princess with pink galore. They talk of 'girly nights in' or shopping days. I was never into that with DDs. They often wore jeans and I do the same activities with DDs as DSs. I am very glad I have all my Dc and if I had another would love boy or girl! Couldn't choose.

BIWI Thu 20-Jun-13 18:52:35

Why would you join MN and then post something like this?

Are you writing/researching some kind of pointless and shallow article/TV programme?

NiceTabard Thu 20-Jun-13 18:56:12

Oh don't be so silly, OP.

fishoutofchlorinatedwater Thu 20-Jun-13 18:59:08

What utter bollocks. I had no preference, and am now delighted with my 2 DSs, who could not be more different in personality to each other - one loves coming into town with me, going to galleries and museums, doing crafty things; the other is a fantastic little bundle of energy who makes me laugh constantly. Who knows, I could have had a girl with whom I had nothing in common. I certainly do not have any desire to have another baby to find out.

MarshaBrady Thu 20-Jun-13 19:00:30

It probably is some pointless bit of research.

5madthings Thu 20-Jun-13 19:01:36

pagedown what a load of crap. Until I had dd (a bonus baby) I only had the four boys, my hair has always been long, I wear jeans a lot as they are practical but my clothes are nothing like my DPs' and never have been, bras for 32e cup boobs and fitted clothes etc. Heels, skirts/dresses at times but all my clothes are 'feminine' a style that suits my hour glass figure etc.

I have never been down trodden, and male dominated does not have to mean knackerd, down trodden or sexist. All of the males in my house pitch in with cleaning, cooking, housework etc. Its no more hard work than having a large number of any gender I imagine, having four boys is fun, I love having a gang of boys and now dd has joined that little gang, she loves the boys, refers to them as 'my boys' and they love her and they all play together etc, her gender hasn't made a diff tbh. But then my boys are all individuals regardless of their gender, I don't pigeon hole them because of their gender.

IsThisAGoodIdea Thu 20-Jun-13 19:02:33

Is this the OP's first post? I also thought it was clunkily written and struck me straight away as not being a genuine poster.

Nobody really wonders about this and not enough to want to generate a debate about it. Unless they are a goady fuck, a stirrer or a journo looking for material.

racmun Thu 20-Jun-13 19:03:03

My ds is approaching 3 and whilst pregnant with him just thought he'd be a girl - I'm not sure why, maybe because I'm one of 4 girls. And having several nieces I thought I would but I didn't mind either way.

When he was born I was just over joyed that he was ok and healthy. I really notice a lot more little boys now and see traits in them that I'd never noticed before- Like the endless energy for example.

I'm pregnant with no 2 and everyone assumes I want a girl do there is 1 of each etc. in fact I would love another boy but will really just be happy with 'it' once they arrive and all is ok.

I don't get people getting upset- how can you be upset when you have a lovely new baby to adore.

Interesting first post. Most mothers that I talk to love their babies as people rather than sexes.

MarshaBrady Thu 20-Jun-13 19:04:35

I know some very well-dressed mothers of boys (even 3+) so I don't agree with Pagedown on that either.

exoticfruits Thu 20-Jun-13 19:04:48

I think grimbletart should make everyone think deeply. A healthy child is a real gift- how can you possibly say - 'glad to have a healthy child but actually they are a disappointment'. hmm
I think it is wonderful, in those days of such choice, that you actually have no choice. The next step would have to be the 'right' sort of girl.

BegoniaBampot Thu 20-Jun-13 19:06:06

No, I think you are quite wrong.

BegoniaBampot Thu 20-Jun-13 19:10:55

Pagedown - I never was girly so in a way you could be describing me though i do make the effort when I want. Wearing jeans mostly and trainers, rarely wear makeup etc, kicking a ball at the park suits me down to the ground. Nothing downtrodden about it.

BIWI Thu 20-Jun-13 19:12:36

"I find a few mums of all boys (especially of 3+) seem to have totally lost their sense of self and have metamorphosed partly into a male themselves, short masculine haircuts, clothes that could have come from their husbands wardrobe and they just look really downtrodden. I imagine in some very male dominated households it's easier to conform with the majority. And it just all looks so bloody knackering."

Ah. Another poster to welcome to Mumsnet hmm

What a stupid thing to post.

EricNorthmanIsMyMaker Thu 20-Jun-13 19:15:55

Erm no! I was relieved when ds1 was born & was a boy. And was even more relived when we found out dc2 was also a boy.
I wouldn't know what to do with girls.

Damnautocorrect Thu 20-Jun-13 19:16:17

Yabu

exoticfruits Thu 20-Jun-13 19:20:22

OP is not being unreasonable in that I can find you several threads by people who were disappointed to have a boy, I couldn't find you any about disappointment to have a girl. The mistake is to think that it reflects a majority view.

CatsRule Thu 20-Jun-13 19:22:16

I haven't read past the first page but yabu!

I have one boy who I was just so happy to have...a healthy happy baby boy or girl was all we wanted...I will always want him regardless.

I didn't have a preference when pregnant...just to have a healthy baby was a dream come true.

Your theory clearlt does not apply to me!

If we were fortunate enough to be able to have another child I'd love another boy...equally I'd also love a girl...and my first dc, a boy, would still be just as precious to me.

Yabu!

Coconutty Thu 20-Jun-13 19:24:09

<yawn> what a load of shit, especially from pagedown

Lovingmybabiesbottom Thu 20-Jun-13 19:32:55

To particularly politically correct to admit this, but I am so so pleased that my second child was a girl. I have one of each and, for me, it is just perfect. I have no favourites. My boy is my boy and I adore him. He is 2.7. My girl is 4 months old and already I call her my best friend. My mother, who had a boy and two girls, used to say... A son is a son until he gets married, a daughter is a daughter for life.

It's certainly true that many women prefer girls. But many is not most.

sweetestcup Thu 20-Jun-13 19:36:12

I find a few mums of all boys (especially of 3+) seem to have totally lost their sense of self and have metamorphosed partly into a male themselves, short masculine haircuts, clothes that could have come from their husbands wardrobe and they just look really downtrodden. I imagine in some very male dominated households it's easier to conform with the majority

haha, complete and utter ill informed shit really. I have 3 boys and me and my house couldnt be further from the truth..."conforming with the majority"?? thats hysterical!

I go ultrafeminine to counter the testosterone.

iwantanafternoonnap Thu 20-Jun-13 19:42:09

I would only have wanted a boy and I got a boy grin

SuffolkNWhat Thu 20-Jun-13 19:45:57

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

needaholidaynow Thu 20-Jun-13 19:48:22

Certainly doesn't apply to me OP! I have 2 boys and I don't want a girl. I was pretty open minded each time I was pregnant as to what the gender would be, and I was over the moon each time to have a boy. You can't be picky and choosy and can't have a little huffy when you don't get your own way when there are so many people out there that can't have children. If I so desperately wanted a girl (which I didn't- as I said I was open minded) it would have been tough shit. Be thankful.

People asked me if I was disappointed that DC2 was a boy. I was like, no why would I be? DS1 has a brother now who is only two years younger than him and they will be so close growing up and in to adult hood. I think it's going to be lovely. And you know what? Far better than if DC2 would have been a girl! So everyone is a winner.

DomesticCEO Thu 20-Jun-13 19:48:46

I would never ever denigrate my boys to other mums because I'm enormously proud of them - they are bright, funny, kind, generous and beautiful.

I however have to listen to plenty of mothers of girls or girls and boys denigrating boys all the fucking time and it drives me mental. "Oh that's boys for you", "boys will be boys", "that's what boys do", etc, etc. Always about some negative behaviour that one boy has exhibited that is then extrapolated out to all boys hmm.

I adore my husband and he is an amazing father and a wonderful man - why would I not want to be part of raising two more amazing men like my dh?

It's about time we stopped running boys down all the time and putting girls on a pedestal - I see it all the time with mums who had a boy/boys first and then a girl/girls, the boys are suddenly pushed to one side while the girls are worshipped. So sad.

<disclaimer: this is obviously not the case with all families but I've seen it with far too many sadly>

WeAreEternal Thu 20-Jun-13 19:55:43

YABU.

I have a DS, I was terrified I might have a DD and refused to find out the sex as I was scared it would be a girl and I wouldn't want her.

I have always wanted boys, preferable 4, and I hope I never have a girl.

sweetestcup Thu 20-Jun-13 19:55:46

I feel quite glad that all the people who didnt want a boy here only had girls because thats one less child risking emotional damage by not being the gender their Mother wished for. And before anyone says this is rubbish I work in psychotherapy and I often see adults who have experienced this.

clam Thu 20-Jun-13 19:56:02

domesticCEO Im sorry but that is SUCH a generalisation. I could give you examples of the exact opposite.

I have one of each, but was shocked to the core when dd turned up after ds as dh is part of a family with dozens (literally) of boys. Was thrilled to bits she was a girl, but had to re-calibrate my thinking a bit. I then realised how much dh had wanted a girl second time around. He said the only combination he wouldn't have opted for (given the choice we never have, of course, quite rightly) would have been 2 girls. 2 boys yes, 1 of each yes. But not sure about 2 girls.
I'm sure he would have been fine if it had worked out that way however,.

DomesticCEO Thu 20-Jun-13 19:57:00

I said it was a generalisation didn't I - quite clearly put a disclaimer at the bottom. Just because you don't feel like that doesn't mean I haven't seen it countless times.

needaholidaynow Thu 20-Jun-13 20:01:09

I feel quite glad that all the people who didnt want a boy here only had girls because thats one less child risking emotional damage by not being the gender their Mother wished for

I'm glad as well. However there will some not so lucky "D"Ss out there though that dared to be born and don't fit in like their precious sisters do.

DomesticCEO Thu 20-Jun-13 20:02:38

Agreed, needaholiday.

So sad.

Junebugjr Thu 20-Jun-13 20:03:51

I only wanted girls, I'm not sure why, fortunately I had two dd's which I was thrilled about. If I'd had boys, obviously I would have loved them just the same.

Pobblewhohasnotoes Thu 20-Jun-13 20:04:36

Wow, how ridiculous!

I have a DS, I adore him. I can't imagine having a girl and would be quite happy having another boy. If I get another healthy baby then that's all I can ask for. Having a preference is just madness.

My DS is great, I'm lucky to have him.

navada Thu 20-Jun-13 20:13:18

Let's me honest, no mother of boys will agree with you here, whether they agree with you privately is another matter.

Personally, if I could only of had one sex I'd defo have chosen girls.

clam Thu 20-Jun-13 20:19:05

domestic What I recounted about feeling was an extra. I also alluded to the fact that I've seen the opposite attitude as many times.

BarbarianMum Thu 20-Jun-13 20:25:48

Yes that's right Nevada, in private we are all pining for girls. Only mothers of girls are able to express their true feelings on an anonymous internet forum hmm

HopAndSplash Thu 20-Jun-13 20:26:03

Personally I am glad I have a DD and would rather have all DDS if I had more, but while I would prefer girls, I'm sure I would adore a son as soon as he arrived. I think it is based on personal experience, my brother was a nightmare and him and my mum have no relationship so I think that has put me off the idea of DSs a bit.

Equally I think a lot of men (from people I know) have an initial preference for a son, but I don't think it means they will love a daughter any less, just that they think they will relate to a DS better long term and have more common interests.

level3at6months Thu 20-Jun-13 20:27:00

Oh yes, definitely OP. All women want girls, all women love to wear makeup, all women love pink, all women... What absolute rubbish!

My first ever biscuit

insanityscratching Thu 20-Jun-13 20:30:22

I wanted boys tbh I've no idea why other than I'm not very girly. Numbers 3 and 5 are girls though and I'm very happy to have them and it doesn't matter at all that dd1 is very girly, we seem to get on regardless.

Lizzylou Thu 20-Jun-13 20:33:09

So many twattish posts, so little time!grin

I have 2 boys, if I had gone for a 3rd my preference would have been for another boy.

I am truly thankful that I have two healthy, happy adorable children, I am extremely lucky.

<swishes highlighted hair with painted nails and totters off to the kitchen in fluffy mules >

Ok the fluffy mules bit was a lie wink

Oldraver Thu 20-Jun-13 20:33:39

I havn't read all the replies but I am sure others may of said the same as me.

Some women are more than happy to have CHILD..... of whatever sex.

Feelslikea1sttimer Thu 20-Jun-13 20:34:12

My OH and I have 3 boys between us and our 1st child together on the way... I have my scan next Friday and hopefully will be able to find out what we are having, the reason being if its a girl I will need to get my head round this fact as I can't imagine myself with a daughter... I'll love whichever flavour we get as long as they arrive safely. But I'm preparing myself just in case it's a girl. Boys rock! xx

BIWI Thu 20-Jun-13 20:34:20

"I have read so many posts with pregnant mothers who are upset that they are having a ds ..."

Where?

Where have you read 'so many posts' seeing as you're new to Mumsnet?

MrsDeVere Thu 20-Jun-13 20:35:25

Ha ha ha ha @ the downtrodden post.

I am sitting in my pink bedroom after having made dinner on my pink stove whilst the DS watched the pink tv.

My house is shabby chic pink madness.

I have hundreds of pretty frocks too.

There is an awful lot of generalising on this thread.

About mothers who want girls too. Its a bit sneery. Women who want a daughter do not always want a dolly.

Some of us wanted to bring girl up in a different way to ourselves. Put right a few wrongs. Tell them the stuff we wish we had been told.

DD didn't wear pink until she was about 11. I never put her in dresses as a baby.
I thought she was a boy when I was pg. I wasn't longing for either sex.

But when I thought about the DD I might have I didn't think about dollies and hair styles hmm

marleebrodie Thu 20-Jun-13 20:35:38

Boys all the way here, I am queen of an all male household.
Wouldn't have it any other way.

Tigresswoods Thu 20-Jun-13 20:36:13

YABU

Squitten Thu 20-Jun-13 20:37:01

I have no preference either way. We have 2 DSs and are likely expecting a girl. I got what I got - goodness knows I had very little say about it!

IWillDoItInAMinute Thu 20-Jun-13 20:39:26

I have 1DD & 2DS's I was honestly never upset that I had only 1DD like others have said I was just glad they were born healthy and tbh I hated being pregnant and was just so grateful not to be pregnant anymore!!

A mother of 3DS's told me she was glad not to have a DD as she wasn't a girly girl confused and she was the queen in her house ??

majormoo Thu 20-Jun-13 20:41:31

well unreasonable yes but..
I have 1 girl and 3 boys (girl first). I was quite shocked at myself when my last ds was born as I was disappointed he wasn't a girl. I had not cared less with the previous 3 so the emotion took me by surprise. Looking back I think this was because Dd so wanted a sister but mostly because I could see her growing up so quickly. Ds3 is now nearly two and a joy. He is hilarious and of course none of us could imagine or want a different scenario. He is definitely our funniest child! Having 3 the same sex certainly illustrates to you there is little point in stereotying them as you watch their personalities unfurl.

In terms of the son for life thing, judging by our family it does not work at all. i am close to my mum but we live much closer to my dh's family and see his mum pretty much every week. my dh and his brother are very close to their mum thank you very much.

(I do miss the pretty summer dresses though)

Rollmops Thu 20-Jun-13 20:45:29

You have never met a woman who only wanted boys? Do you live under a Very Small Rock bychance?hmm
I have ALWAYS wanted boys and only boys and would have been absolutely devastated if I had a girl.

Pobblewhohasnotoes Thu 20-Jun-13 20:48:56

To be honest I find it fucking insulting to suggest that I'm not happy with my DS and that I would have preferred a girl.

Rowanred Thu 20-Jun-13 20:49:41

I always wanted a girl I have to admit. Dc1 was a boy and I was a bit upset at the scan when we found out. I did get over it quickly though and he was delicious when he arrived!

Dc2 was a girl and I was so happy when I found out as I knew she was our last. She is amazing as well!

I didn't want a girl because of pink/ princess etc. I am pretty hardcore in that I hate pink- told everyone not to buy it!

It was more the mother/daughter relationship I wanted. (plus I love doing hair/ pleats etc!!)

I have to be honest, I don't believe mums who say they only want boys, only because it is so outside my reality! Not saying they're lying, I just can't understand!

RetroRita Thu 20-Jun-13 20:49:56

would have been absolutely devastated if I had a girl

Do you think getting pregnant was a very selfish thing to do? Seeing as you had a 50/50 chance of having a girl and then ruining her whole life by not wanting her and being devastated by her existence.

Can people actually hear themselves on this thread?

jellyandcake Thu 20-Jun-13 20:49:59

I desperately wanted a girl and was very surprised - though not disappointed - to find out I was having a boy. Wouldn't change him for the world. Have just miscarried my second pregnancy but honestly had absolutely no preference for either gender this time - I know how much I would/will love either if/when it happens.

Onesleeptillwembley Thu 20-Jun-13 20:51:01

Hahaha, bollocks.

NandH Thu 20-Jun-13 20:51:55

What a load of crap...
I have a dd and a ds and I would absolutely love, more than anything, another boy if I'm lucky enough to have a third smile

Lizzylou Thu 20-Jun-13 20:52:21

Yes, we live close to Dh's family as well. Closer by about 120 miles.
Both my boys are so different. Equally fabulous but chalk and cheese personality wise.
This boys are like this/girls like that crap is stoopid. We are all people, with our own distinct personas.

DomesticCEO Thu 20-Jun-13 20:52:38

Navada, what patronising bollocks! Is it so hard for SMOGs to get their heads round the idea that some women didn't give a shit about not having daughters.

And, once again, yes I'm generalising and no not all mothers of girls are SMOGs but yes I've met lots. Just to make that clear hmm.

Dauphin Thu 20-Jun-13 20:52:57

I have a DS and two DDs (in that order), and I can honestly say that I did not mind which sex they were. I would have been thrilled either way...I was shocked recently when a friend's husband broadcast that she was very disappointed to find out that she had had a second Boy! She admitted to this very matter-of-factly.

I also have friends with all boys and friends with all girls and these parents don't seem to have an issue ...

Alibabaandthe40nappies Thu 20-Jun-13 20:54:23

Blimey I never denigrate my sons.

They are fabulous, cheerful and loving little beings, unlike many of the girls we know that age!

I adore my boys and I wouldn't swap them for the world.

RetroRita Thu 20-Jun-13 20:54:31

I feel quite glad that all the people who didnt want a boy here only had girls because thats one less child risking emotional damage by not being the gender their Mother wished for

You should be equally glad that the people who didn't want a girl only had boys for the same reasons.

BegoniaBampot Thu 20-Jun-13 20:54:51

Devastated to have a girl! Really? Thank fuck you didn't have sons.

DomesticCEO Thu 20-Jun-13 20:55:02

"I don't believe" means you're saying we're lying Rowan. Jesus, how hard is it for some women to understand!

"I didn't want the princess thing" and then in the next breath you say you like doing plaits! I can't think of a more shallow reason for wanting a girl!

I wouldn't have minded either way, but what I'm saying is I am genuinely not the LEAST disappointed that I have two boys.

BegoniaBampot Thu 20-Jun-13 20:55:52

Or thank fuckety fuck you didn't have any girls rather.

RetroRita Thu 20-Jun-13 20:56:06

hey are fabulous, cheerful and loving little beings, unlike many of the girls we know that age!

Yes because boys are always better behaved than girls hmm

What nonsense.

Mintyy Thu 20-Jun-13 20:57:25

Honestly astonished at this thread!

I am fairly confident that everyone I know loves all the children they have and appreciates that their friends/family love all the children they have. Whatever combination of sexes.

Mintyy Thu 20-Jun-13 20:58:47

Sorry for your loss jellyandcake flowers.

Rollmops Thu 20-Jun-13 21:01:01

Do bugger off. I have the most amazing children in the world and they are boys.

AlwaysWashing Thu 20-Jun-13 21:01:22

I have 2 boys and feel utterly grateful for them. I honestly. Feel in the long run they'll be MUCH easier to deal with than girls. I'm nor a girly girl myself and find the whole precocious princess thing a bit nauseating.

sweetestcup Thu 20-Jun-13 21:02:08

You should be equally glad that the people who didn't want a girl only had boys for the same reasons

Yes of course, but I was just thinking of the main points raised by OP.

Rollmops Thu 20-Jun-13 21:02:37

That was for the Bampot thing. angry

flossy101 Thu 20-Jun-13 21:02:46

I have two brothers, who are closer to my mum than me and my sister are, its just the way its always been. So I don't agree that once a mans married the mum gets left behind.

RetroRita Thu 20-Jun-13 21:03:20

I didn't care when I was pregnant. Everyone assumed I wanted a girl which I found surprising. I was just hoping healthy.

DD1 was born and there was a small part of me that did think, just after she was born and I was holding her, that I was very lucky to have a daughter. Maybe I would have felt the same with a boy, who knows.

Surprisingly when pg with dd2, I wanted a girl. I don't know why. I am about as far as girly as you can imagine. Maybe its because I knew what to do with a girl?

I am now pg with dc3 and we both want a boy. I look at boys clothes and long for a little boy.

I have bought my girls up as gender neutral as possible. They have 'boys toys' as well as 'girls toys'. I don't do princessy. Dd1 went through a stage of picking pink as her favourite colour (I think it was an unconscious rebellion thing because nothing in our house is overtly pink as I avoid where possible), I let her get on with it and now her favourite colours are blue and yellow.

There is really a lot of horrible stuff written on this thread. From both mums of boys and girls.

Just as an aside, why do mums of boys hate pink? I'm pretty sure mums of girls don't hate blue.

MrsDeVere Thu 20-Jun-13 21:04:59

Hang on,

wtf is going on on this thread?

People getting angry at denigrating boys and showing their displeasure by being nasty about girls.

My DD was PERFECT.
My DSs are PERFECT.

SoupDragon Thu 20-Jun-13 21:05:43

I have the most amazing children in the world and they are boys.

What would you have done had they been girls? Had them adopted?

MrsDoomsPatterson Thu 20-Jun-13 21:05:45

Have two boys, always said I'd like a third boy. OP - you talk rubbish & I'm utterly delighted to have my wonderful sons. Never specifically wanted a girl, that's the truth.

RetroRita Thu 20-Jun-13 21:05:54

precocious princess thing a bit nauseating

Yes because at least 70% of all girls are raised to precocious princesses hmm

Mums of boys that complain of the pink, princess thing just end up sounding bitter.

Leave the stereotypes at the door. You love your sons. You don't need to put down girls to show how much you love your sons.

IfNotNowThenWhen Thu 20-Jun-13 21:08:28

Nope. Never cared either way. Would be happy with another boy, or a girl.

aldiwhore Thu 20-Jun-13 21:12:03

YAB(incorrect)

YABU to assume.

I LOVE my two boys. When I didn't know what I would be having my 'fear' was a girl (though I'd love her) and I was very happy to have a boy, followed 4 years later by another. YES, I would like to have a girl if I ever have another (unlikely) but only because I haven't had one, and I'm curious!

My fears about having a girl were founded in not wanting to put my issues on another female, coupled with the fear that I would have the relationship with my dd that I have with my mum (good, loving but very complex and sometimes negative).

On a very shallow level, I like being the Queen of my castle.

I'm a good mum to boys. I suspect I'd be a good mum to girls, BUT I could also very easily be an overbearing mum to a girl... she wouldn't be a 'princess', she wouldn't wear pink, I'd be constantly striving to rid her of princess-like tendencies and although being averse to gender stereotyping isn't a bad thing, I think I'd go too far the other way... I mean if my dd WAS a girly girl, I would struggle, and it would be unfair to disallow her to be who she was. Not sure if that makes sense, and not sure if I am reasonable to fear that.

I simply find my boys easy because I am not one.

Lizzylou Thu 20-Jun-13 21:15:35

Yes, stop with the slagging of girls!
Nowt wrong with girls, I was was one!
I have wonderful nieces, wonderful nephews. They are all different. My eldest niece runs rings round my boys, she is feisty, bossy, athletic and rather wonderful.

I love my boys, but girls would have been lovely too. I didn't and don't mind either.

RetroRita Thu 20-Jun-13 21:18:11

I mean if my dd WAS a girly girl, I would struggle

Why would you stuggle?

I have no idea how to be a girly girl. But if one of my daughters turns out to be one then I'm sure we'll be just fine.

Its not rocket science. There are worse things to overcome and deal with.

What if some of you end up with an effeminate boy, how will you all cope? God forbid he doesn't like climbing trees or throwing a ball. What if he likes clothes? Or dancing?

Not only do some of you like putting other peoples girls in boxes, your quite happy to put your own sons in boxes as well.

BIWI Thu 20-Jun-13 21:20:49

I don't know why we're bothering to engage with this - the OP is evidently a goady fucker who isn't coming back now he/she has stirred everything up hmm

IfNotNowThenWhen Thu 20-Jun-13 21:25:07

Also, so many people can't have any children at all, so to my mind being that picky about the sex of a child is fucked up.i might never have another one, so if I did I would just be immensley grateful for him/ her. All those Frickin weirdos who would be " devastated" to have children if the "wrong" sex- perhaps you shouldn't have risked having any. After all, imagine being born a disappointment..

FriendlyLadybird Thu 20-Jun-13 21:28:19

I don't think you can make a statement like that. I was thrilled when I had DS, my first-born, and equally thrilled but in a completely different way, when I had DD.

DomesticCEO Thu 20-Jun-13 21:32:20

Retro, not sure who that was aimed at but I absolutely don't put my boys in boxes - nor do I slag off girls. I have two gorgeous goddaughters and lots of lovely friends with girls.

I just can't bear this patronising shit that mums of boys are all weeping behind closed doors about our lack of daughters!

aldiwhore Thu 20-Jun-13 21:33:20

retrorita I think it's the fear of the thing rather than the thing itself... not sure if I'm clear?

I'm equal parts tom-boy and princess... lol (insert rolly eyes)

But thank you, you're right. I have two boys, very different from each other, one is very much a mud loving, no fearing, stereotypical boy. The other is sensitive, deep, thoughtful, bookworm.

I strive not to box my boys. I 'fear' that I would try to box my girl, unwittingly... perhaps that is because I don't have one?

thegreylady Thu 20-Jun-13 21:34:01

My dd really wanted a boy first and that's what she got.For dc2 she didn't mind but had a fancy for another boy which it was.A sweeter, happier family you could not find and no one would swap either boy for a gaggle of girls.

DownstairsMixUp Thu 20-Jun-13 21:34:49

YABU. I wanted a boy first and was upset as I'd convinced myself i was carrying a girl! (though i would of been happy either way really, was just being a spoiled little girl!) as long as they are healthy i don't care

grimbletart Thu 20-Jun-13 21:39:54

IfNotNowWhen: hear hear. I was told off for expressing dismay at the sentiments of the "I want this type of baby" brigade but I agree with you.
How can a baby be the wrong sex? It's totally barking.

sweetestcup Thu 20-Jun-13 21:43:44

Just as an aside, why do mums of boys hate pink?

I have 3 boys and I adore pink, at least for me, its my favourite colour and lots of my clothes are various pink shades. Funny seeing DS1 (whos 20) wearing a pink T shirt to, obviously "trendy" but it wasn't that long ago he wouldn't have been seen dead in pink grin

RetroRita Thu 20-Jun-13 21:45:21

no one would swap either boy for a gaggle of girls

Or even just a group of girls.

Or maybe just girls?

Why the need for the disparaging 'gaggle'?

aldiwhore Thu 20-Jun-13 21:45:43

I love pink.

My youngest loves pink.

My eldest simply doesn't like it.

Both boys. I'm female. I don't like pastels...

morganster Thu 20-Jun-13 21:48:08

I honestly don't think it would matter to me. I have one dd. But would have been just as happy with a ds. They're just people - regardless of sex.

Shitsinger Thu 20-Jun-13 21:56:23

Pointless thread .
I have one of each
I adore my daughter
I adore my son

MrsDeVere Thu 20-Jun-13 21:56:27

'gaggle of girls' hmm

Can people not just say how wrong the OP is and how brilliant they think their boys are without being so horrible about girls?

'why do mums of boys hate pink?' What? confused

This thread is one of the most ridiculous I have seen on MN without any of the usual comic relief.

RetroRita Thu 20-Jun-13 22:03:40

If you read the thread MrsDeVere, there are numerous disparaging remarks regarding the colour pink from mums of boys.

I was asking why they seemed t0 hate the colour pink so much.

Its ridiculous.

OnTheNingNangNong Thu 20-Jun-13 22:09:50

I have boys, I had no preference to the genetetalia they had. I had a mc at 17weeks before I went on to have my boys and all I cared about was bringing them safely into the world.
They wear all colours and I do not see things as 'girls' or 'boys'.

MrsDeVere Thu 20-Jun-13 22:11:13

But they are part of the madness of the thread IYSWIM

Its like everyone is trying to prove how crap one gender is over another and using all stereotypes to back up their argument because they are pissed off about someone else doing exactly the same thing.

Mintyy Thu 20-Jun-13 22:16:19

Yes, and where does that leave us who have both sexes.

It is ridiculous (as Biwi said) because op is obviously just being a goady t.

But look at a handful of the replies!!! People obviously are ridiculously prejudiced about something they can do nothing about - namely the sex of their own or anyone else's children. Awful and fascinating at the same time.

charlottehere Thu 20-Jun-13 22:17:10

I have 3 DDs... I wouldn't have been bothered if I didn't have a boy. I now have a son and am so in love...[netmums] little man. smile

BegoniaBampot Thu 20-Jun-13 22:18:54

I'm a mum of boys and don't really like pink, never have. No pink clothes or furnishing here. Nothing to do with having boys though.

exoticfruits Thu 20-Jun-13 22:19:14

I think it sad that so many people have set views- I wasn't bothered - I just hoped for a healthy child.

RetroRita Thu 20-Jun-13 22:19:32

I see what you mean now MrsDevere. We're saying the same thing.

BegoniaBampot Thu 20-Jun-13 22:23:29

"I have ALWAYS wanted boys and only boys and would have been absolutely devastated if I had a girl."

Rollmops - you can angry face me all you want but this is still a ridiculous, insensitive comment. I have a friend who had 3 stillbirths (all girls) who would have just loved to give birth to a living child.

xylem8 Thu 20-Jun-13 22:24:20

Not wanting to put words in to OPs mouth but this thread seems to have taken a direction that I don't think was intended
It's not about whether mums of boys love their boys.It's not about whether a mum prefers parenting their son or daughter.It's about mothers who do not have a daughter feeling a bit sad they have missed out on something.
I personally have both, but have noticed this.Mums of all boys either admit they would have liked a girl too, or they take a rather militant 'I would not know what to do with a girl'/ 'I hate pink' stance, which makes me think the lady doth protest too much

Alisvolatpropiis Thu 20-Jun-13 22:27:36

Begonia your poor poor friend sad

Witchesbrewandbiscuits Thu 20-Jun-13 22:33:04

hmm I actually get what you mean. I have ds, and having had mc's I obviously would be more than happy to have another ds. however, if I could choose, I would choose a dd. I think in an ideal world, it would be nice to experience both. I think anyone who is honest would say the same. isnt that where 2.4 children comes from? 2 dc, 1 of each? thats not to say ppl arent happy with what they get. having said that, I actually wanted a boy when preg. funny really.

googlyeyes Thu 20-Jun-13 22:37:02

Yes, it's just so hideously ironic that those who are so angry at the negative generalisations about boys (and grown up sons) merrily a) lap up all the POSITIVE generalisations/ stereotypes about boys b) emphasise how wonderful boys are by making awful negative generalisations about girls.

It's so 'mine's better than yours, na na na'

Crazy

My take on the OP was that every boy is a disappointment on some level and every woman would rather have had a daughter instead of each of her sons. Which is so extreme as to be utterly laughable.

And as for "I would have been devastated to have a ..." being barking - well yes. Mental health often deteriorates in pregnancy, and for some women that focuses on the baby's sex as an indicator of its likely personality. That doesn't make very strong gender preference unreal.

RetroRita Thu 20-Jun-13 22:40:22

Oh Begonia, that puts this nonsense in perspective doesn't it. sad

DomesticCEO Thu 20-Jun-13 22:41:40

While you're making daft generalisations googly I would just say I've explicitly not lapped up stereotypes about boys or slagged off girls.

Witches, I really really don't agree with your ideal world comment at all. Personally I love the fact my boys are so so close and I doubt they would have that relationship would have been the same had one of them been a girl. It's deeply patronising to be told I should be disappointed with my family when it couldn't be further from the truth.

morethanpotatoprints Thu 20-Jun-13 22:42:51

I was happy that all 3 were healthy and couldn't give a stuff what sex they were. although must admit was happy to have a dd after 2 ds but would have been just as happy with another ds.

ladymariner Thu 20-Jun-13 22:46:37

Haven't read the whole thread because I've read similar ones in the past and they've just pissed me off too much.

So all I'm going to say is this....op, yabvvvvu. I've got a boy, only ever wanted a boy, knew from the minute I found out I was pregnant I was going to have a boy and wouldn't change him for the world.

Each to their own and all that, and yes I repeat I haven't read the whole thread but that opening post is just bollocks.

I live in a household of men and boys. I am a lone female and outnumbered.

I am very happy. I love them all. I don't really see them as boys though. As there seem to be so many of them, and they're all so very different, I see them as individuals rather than an amorphous lump.

I'd love another DC, if we had the money, and having a DD would be wonderful. But having another DS would be wonderful too.

My thoughts on the thread-shooos ....

People are interesting regardless of their gender and none are as interesting as the four that I'm watching develop, hoping that I'm helping them become good people. I'm not sure that gender is a rigid construct. I'm pretty sure that I would parent a daughter as I have our sons. I wish DS3 wouldn't piss on the toilet seat. I have a pink smeg and will wear pink if it is en vogue but tend to avoid it as I don't want to be pigeonholed because for me pink has, in the last 10 years, become a feminist issue. My blush of boys (it is the collective noun) attracts a lot of attention when I'm out with them so have been known to use that we're still trying for a girl to get people to stop asking personal questions or, sometimes, if DH is with us, I like to see him look a little alarmed. I don't really mean it. I am wishing that people I don't know what stop asking me fucking nosey questions.

So in conclusion YABU - not all mothers are the same regardless of the gender of their children. And for me, it does all boil down to wishing DS3 wouldn't piss on the toilet seat in the middle of the night.

googlyeyes Thu 20-Jun-13 22:57:54

Domestic: I don't think I said everyone had made negative assumptions about girls, but surely hard to argue that many have.

There seems to be a belief that boys are easier, and teen girls are much worse than boys. Utter, utter bollocks. For a start most teen gangs are male-dominated! I know just as many (if not more) mums of boys who have been put through hell

HomeEcoGnomist Thu 20-Jun-13 22:59:02

I have not read all the responses, but can confirm that your hypothesis is 100% wrong in this household

2 boys and wouldn't change a thing

HTH

gymboywalton Thu 20-Jun-13 23:01:36

not read all responses but i desperately wanted boys and got them. my two sons are my world. i wouldn't change them for anything.

RetroRita Thu 20-Jun-13 23:05:07

I think people should read the thread before reiterating the same old 'I would have hated a girl' nonsense and making themselves looking like selfish insensitive twats.

MarianneBrandon Thu 20-Jun-13 23:09:38

I secretly hoped for a girl when I was pregnant with DS but now I wouldn't change him for the world. If I have another child I would be happy either way. One of each if I have a girl and a younger brother for DS if I have a boy. Win win smile

yummymumtobe Thu 20-Jun-13 23:21:23

original poster's question was - if you have a dd and then have another dd would you mind that you hadn't had a ds? I agree with this. I have a dd and always felt that whatever happened and if we managed to have any more children or not, at least I had a dd. I think I'm massively influenced by the fact I have a sister and we are close to each other. My dh has a brother and in his family is mum was/is the servant and watches football without complaint, never buys anything for herself and has given her life over to looking after men. I think it just depends on the examples you have seen. I am
Sure there are other women with all boys who get treated like the queen and don't spend their time pandering to their menfolk and giving up on girly things!

Nancyclancy Thu 20-Jun-13 23:29:29

I have 3 boys and 1 girl (in that order.) Before dc came along, I always wanted boys and girls. Didn't necessarily have a preference.

RetroRita Thu 20-Jun-13 23:30:34

I don't know why a mother would want to b treated like a queen by her son and husband.

But I'm sure that set up will not mean an easy transition when future DIL's appear on the scene.

StuntGirl Thu 20-Jun-13 23:36:24

Christ alive. Half of you don't even deserve to have children if these vile opinions are true.

BreatheandFlyAway Thu 20-Jun-13 23:44:10

I have one of each. Boys are more.. err "lively" esp as toddlers but they are also more straightforward in later years (massive over-generalisation here, derived from my own and friends' experiences grin). Boys are cuddly, wonderful and sweet - please, no-one be worried about having them! My boy is nearly 10 and still wants cuddles, teddies etc (except when his friends are around, at which point his voice gets all manly and grown up - doting grin). And my little girl is amazing, sensitive, helps me choose outfits (unasked hmm) and incredibly rewarding and in such a completely different way from ds, I now KNOW men and women are from different planets!

5madthings Fri 21-Jun-13 00:05:51

breathe all that you describe is because your two children are different people... Not because of gender.

My ds1 was never 'lively' and still isn't at 13, ds2 was and still is, ds3 and ds4 are somewhere in between, dd is like ds2.

Ds3 is into clothes and likes nice clothes for himself and talks about mine and dad's clothes. Ds1 is clueless when it cones to clothes.

Three of my boys are cuddly and so is dd, they all have cuddly toys they take to bed, even ds1!

They have wide and varied interests, such as football, Lego, science, dinosaurs, fairies, fashion, music, superheros, bugs and animasld etc, these interests are not dictated by gender but because they are all individuals.

I hate stereotyoing by gender, I am lucky enough to be blessed with five children, I never cared what gender I got and I don't treat them differently because of their gender, I treat them as individuals regardless of their gender.

expatinscotland Fri 21-Jun-13 00:07:41

I have one of each left to me. Just happy to have any of them at all, tbh, so YABU.

expatinscotland Fri 21-Jun-13 00:09:35

I agree, Stunt. My boy is hard work, but he is a sweet, cuddly bundle of boy, a boy who has seen more than his share for his short years. Just a little boy. I wouldn't trade him, and am lucky to have him.

amazingmumof6 Fri 21-Jun-13 00:09:42

had 5 boys then DD came along.

now everyone assumes we "kept going on till we had a girl"

bollocks to that

love my boys, love my girl
end of

BreatheandFlyAway Fri 21-Jun-13 00:11:43

Fair point, 5madthings. I hate the idea of gender stereotyping but I do see differences derived from gender - but of course that's a matter of perception.

5madthings Fri 21-Jun-13 00:12:10

amazing I get that assumption as well, this bollicks, we wanted four, dd was a bit if a bonus baby and I didn't care what gender I got. If we could afford to I would have another and I wouldn't care what gender I got.

amazingmumof6 Fri 21-Jun-13 00:12:44

friend of ours have 5 girls.

they are sweet now, but noooo way I'd want another 5 women in the house with PMS!

BreatheandFlyAway Fri 21-Jun-13 00:12:47

PS I mean everyone's different personal perception

5madthings Fri 21-Jun-13 00:13:42

Its bollocks that should say.

breathe you see differences because people are individuals, you attribute them to gender, that doesn't mean its because of gender, part of out is social conditioning.

WildThongsHeartString Fri 21-Jun-13 00:15:01

What a lot of shite op smile

So happy with my boy. Never been that comfortable with little girls, didn't even particularly enjoy being one!

chillinwithmyyonis Fri 21-Jun-13 00:15:41

I'm pretty sure all the posters like myself who have one or more of each gender think is one crazy fucked up thread, madness I tell yer!

amazingmumof6 Fri 21-Jun-13 00:17:05

5mad

bollicks is better!grin

chubbychipmonk Fri 21-Jun-13 00:17:21

I dont think YABU, I have 2 DS and am desperate for a girl! Obv love my DSs to bits but desire for a girl will never go away.

I felt awful guilt after my second DS was born as when they said 'its another boy' my heart literally sank for a second whereas if they'd said 'its a girl' I know I would've felt over the moon.

You only have to look at the huge amount of gender disappointment threads on here to see that it's mostly mothers of boys who crave a girl, very seldom threads the other way round.

5madthings Fri 21-Jun-13 00:21:31

When my dd was born the first thing I said was "is it alright" the same as when I had my four boys, I didn't care about the gender.

I think if you have a gender preference you need to look at yourself and ask why tbh, a child is an individual regardless of gender, you get what you get.

expatinscotland Fri 21-Jun-13 00:24:09

I think it's just ignorant. Lots of people, thankfully, don't know how lucky they are. Hope it stays that way for them, I really do. Their ignorance is the greatest boon they will never know.

amazingmumof6 Fri 21-Jun-13 00:25:32

I'd like two more children.
just because.

but a tiny voice in my head is going "have another baby -that would shut those idiots up! how dare they assume anything? or say that now I can stop now! angry "

that of course would not be a good enough reason to have a baby ( although better than ONS), but maybe YSWIM

expatinscotland Fri 21-Jun-13 00:25:47

Well, there you go (reads rest of thread). Ignorance is bliss!

5madthings Fri 21-Jun-13 00:31:30

I totally know that feeling of thinking I should have another just to shut up the people that think we kept going to get a girl! Or that we should be done now! But that would be draft, we can't afford it, but if we could I would have one more.

And yes expat people need to step back and realize how lucky they are. I certainly feel very blessed.

amazingmumof6 Fri 21-Jun-13 00:34:49

also sometimes I feel like saying to people:
"look, my 5th pg ended in MC. it was a girl.
it made me think that maybe I can't carry girls. but I still chose to get pg 2 more times.
is that enough proof for you that I didn't keep going hoping to have a girl?
now can you shut the fuck up and crawl back in your cave you fuckwit?!"

but I don't say that.

baskingseals Fri 21-Jun-13 00:38:33

I am lucky enough to have one girl and two boys. If I was to have just one more, I would be delighted with either gender, but if pushed would have a preference for a boy.

Also agree with expat.

StuntGirl Fri 21-Jun-13 00:42:06

"I think it's just ignorant. Lots of people, thankfully, don't know how lucky they are. Hope it stays that way for them, I really do. Their ignorance is the greatest boon they will never know."

QFT.

<applauds expat>

Kewcumber Fri 21-Jun-13 01:06:00

I had a designer baby (kinda) I chose to have a boy - despite being a single mother. Not sure quite how that fits in with op's theory. I would desperately have loved a second of either sex but illness intervened.

it is a huge privilege to be the parent to a child - whether it has a willy or not seems of secondary importance. Anyone who is disappointed in the sex of their child should lob them in my direction, I'm not fussy.

Pitmountainpony Fri 21-Jun-13 02:52:48

I would be so sad to have had two t girls...I got a ds first and for me there is a specialness about a little boy......for a mum. Another boy would have been great but I got a lovely little girl. If I had a third I would be delighted th another boy. Boys are just wonderful...as are girls of course.

Flossie82 Fri 21-Jun-13 04:03:02

YABU
I didn't care, but I think deep down wanted at least one boy. As it turns out, I have one of each. Strangely, once I had DD I felt less strongly about wanting a boy and would have been just as happy if DS had been another DD.

robertal1978 Fri 21-Jun-13 04:03:38

I have 2 boys, they are the biggest mummies boys..l have a 14 year old and 3 year old so you can imagine. I'm not a girly girl who likes shopping, my boys love going out with the Wellies and a couple of mucky fields do us fine.

sleepywombat Fri 21-Jun-13 04:42:44

Well, its obviously not true among Mners.

However, it is true for me & among my friends. Before I had children, I only wanted girls. I ended up with 2 boys, whom, of course, I love more than anything else in the world & am so glad they are who they are! It doesn't stop me wanting a girl. I will be disappointed if my next & definitely last one is a boy, but not ridiculously so, I will love him just as much as the others & feel grateful that I got what I got & do my best to bring him up to be gentle & kind & lovely. But I will always be a little bit secretly sad and if I'd had a dd, I would have probably stopped at 2 kids.

Dh wanted the ds to be girls more than I did. I think we just think girls are nicer in general. We were both brought up by single mothers, who we watched get abused by men & we were also treated badly by stepfathers (& until, aged 26, I met dh, I thought all men were bastards as had never had a proper boyfriend, just been 'used'). Dh is a secondary teacher & almost all the problems/behaviour issues are caused by the boys. I find the 'girls are worse teenagers' thing, always said on mn, strange - I was a lovely teenager!

I don't like shopping. I've never had a manicure in my life. I am rubbish at hairstyles. I would probably play with a daughter the same way I play with my sons. Doesn't stop me wanting one!

All my friends with boys want a girl. My cousin has 2 dds & when she had her first, she said 'I was just so relieved that I got a girl first, so I could stop wanting one/willing the next one to be a girl'.

BIWI Fri 21-Jun-13 07:20:47

Some of these posts are really sad.

And to think that one gender is better than another is truly shocking.

chubbychipmonk Fri 21-Jun-13 07:24:03

Could've written your post Sleepy. . Word for word!!

sar1133 Fri 21-Jun-13 07:29:45

Boy oh boy I'm so glad I had a boy! Always wanted a boy!

chubbychipmonk Fri 21-Jun-13 07:35:14

I don't think it's that people think 'one gender is better than another' . . It's a longing that you can't control. Like most things in life, until you've experienced these feelings/thoughts then its not really fair to judge others.

I'm well aware how blessed I am to have 2 little boys, having suffered 2 miscarriages in the past & having watched friends suffer who can't have children. I love my boys with all my heart & would never change them BUT for me I will always long for a girl.

Maybe it's to do with my own relationship with my mother which wasnt particularly great that makes me have an inbuilt desire to have a mother/daughter bond.

It's not as straightforward as people thinking 'hmm I don't really like football, I prefer shopping & pink things so I'd love a wee girl'. It's far more complicated & inbuilt than that.

Chocovore Fri 21-Jun-13 07:36:38

There's definitely some truth in it. Mums of boys have a much greater likelihood of suffering PND also.

NoelHeadbands Fri 21-Jun-13 07:42:16

Chubby I accept that there are many women and men who long for a girl, or would prefer all girls, and be disappointed to have boys.

What really grates on this thread though, is the handful of posters who have said that all women with boys feel like that, if they say otherwise 'they're just not being honest with themselves' or 'won't admit it'. How flicking presumptive and downright rude.

And I do have a girl! And yes, the sweeping statements about dollies and princesses etc are totally ridiculous

NoelHeadbands Fri 21-Jun-13 07:43:05

Flicking?

I meant fucking, obv hmm

exoticfruits Fri 21-Jun-13 07:46:41

There are always posters on MN who speak for 'all' women and 'all' children. You can't possibly equate how you feel to everyone else.

chubbychipmonk Fri 21-Jun-13 07:50:10

Choco, I suffered PND after the birth of my second DS, largely due to the horrendous guilt I felt because I'd wanted a girl. Taken me a long time to accept that these initial feelings were out of my control but the guilt at feeling that way will always stay with me, especially now when I look at my gurgling, smiling beautiful boy & wouldn't change him for the world.

NoelHeadbands Fri 21-Jun-13 07:52:08

Exactly exotic. Thinking you speak for 'all' women would make you an idiot.

likesnowflakesinanocean Fri 21-Jun-13 07:52:32

I am a mum of a boy, who wanted a boy and has no urge or desire to have a girl. maybe I'm not the norm but I'm definatly not lying to myself

Blamenargles Fri 21-Jun-13 07:59:23

I have to disagree, I really wanted a DS. I was over the moon when we were told we were having a boy. Wanting to start ttc no2 and would love another boy not fussed about a girl at all and I'm a big Girly girl myself I think is because I'm from an all girl family.

needaholidaynow Fri 21-Jun-13 08:30:02

I think it's utterly laughable that people presume that just because I am a woman I only want girls. And when we saw that thread the other week about men only wanting boys. Not the case.

In fact, from what I can gather from threads is that a lot of men and women seem to prefer having a girl. I'm not sure why but this seems to be the case. I'm not speaking for all of them, and many adore having boys myself and my partner included. He had a daughter before he met me and then we have two boys together. I find that this one of the reasons that I am glad I had boys for some reason. They are something special between me and my partner, and something his ex wife didn't give to him as she gave him a girl. I gave him our little boys. That's not me being insecure either, it's just me recognising something unique that he hadn't experienced before he met me.

sweetestcup Fri 21-Jun-13 08:42:32

As a Mum of 3 boys what you said noelheadbands rings true, I don't spend all my time caring what others think obviously but it makes me angry if someone either openly or implied pities me or feels sorry for me and thinks I have missed out - just because they think like that. Cant control others thoughts, but why do these women assume because they think having a girl is a necessary life experience for a woman everyone thinks the same?

sweetestcup Fri 21-Jun-13 08:44:26

needaholiday with all due respect your post sounds a bit childish, kind of "na, na, na, I gave him BOYS and his ex never", its not a competition.

needaholidaynow Fri 21-Jun-13 08:51:00

No I know it's not a competition. But he'd already been there and done that and had a girl, and of course I would have been happy to have had a girl, I wasn't bothered either way, but ya know, it was nice to experience something new together.

MarianneBrandon Fri 21-Jun-13 09:01:52

I know someone who has a DS and if she has another child wants a boy.

My grandma wanted a boy and had three girls. My mum was the youngest and my grandma resented her for not being a boy. When she was pregnant with me she wanted a boy just to keep her mum happy. I have a good relationship with my mum though and she never made me feel like she was disappointed about having a girl.

Trying to speak for "all" women is insulting as everyone is different. If we all had the same views the world would be a boring place

bonkersLFDT20 Fri 21-Jun-13 09:06:06

all boy mums seem to feel sad that they have only boys

I am a Mum to 2 boys and I don't feel at all sad. They are wonderful. So YABU. Have a nice day :-)

melika Fri 21-Jun-13 09:12:38

I have two boys and my Dsil has two boys, I ponder sometimes what having a little girl would have been like, to her and she says she is glad she never had a girl. I now think she is right, I would be worried to death about her.

cory Fri 21-Jun-13 09:35:21

I remember lying on the delivery table thinking "but what have they done with my boy?". And then having to pull myself together very quickly to say "Oh, she's beautiful", so that the baby wouldn't know. blush

Dd is great, really. But I did have a secret wish for a boy. And ended up with one of each eventually.

Oblomov Fri 21-Jun-13 09:38:21

Only wanted boys.
Never wanted girls.
Got 2 boys.
= more than happy.
Find Op quite offensive really.

I think most parents can't imagine better kids than the ones they have.

Oblomov Fri 21-Jun-13 09:48:32

tumbletumbe;: "before the baby is born women want a girl". shock Er, well thats' just utter rubbish, isn't it?

FussandMess: "No one ever admits it you see". Glad she's hiident he thread. Hope she never comes back. Seeing as she is so stupid and set in her ways, thats she's decided to hide the thread, becasue no one could convince her. Becuase they just can't admit it to themselves.
grin
What a idiot, she is.
Good ridance.

Is this what other MOTHERS are? God save me, from being included in this group, or other people thinking I am such a moron as her.

Goes off... don't know why I am so aggitated by just stupid women .......hmm

aquashiv Fri 21-Jun-13 09:49:28

NO

absentmindeddooooodles Fri 21-Jun-13 09:50:26

I didn't mind which I had. Got a boy. He's got endless energy, loves mud and all things toilet, won't sleep eat or do anything without a fight. Very very boyish. Everything is a car or train.....and I couldn't be happier!
Would love to have another DC one day, and don't mind if its a boy or a girl. :-)

Fenton Fri 21-Jun-13 09:57:45

The things is with girls is all that picking flowers, plaiting hair and playing with dollies - I couldn't bear all that hmm

experimental Fri 21-Jun-13 10:22:26

I wanted a boy, as it happens it was twins and we had one of each. I love having those awesome little people. When we were told it was twins we hoped for one of each or if same sex then 2 boys.

BegoniaBampot Fri 21-Jun-13 10:25:20

Wonder if folk who are so set on the sex should really be having children.

Kewcumber Fri 21-Jun-13 10:46:12

Begonia - if you adopt and express a preference for one sex, you would be expected to give some really well thought through reasons why you should be allowed to "prefer" one sex over another.

I really don't think "I think we just think girls are nicer in general" would cut it shock

Its been a real eye opener to me - not that some people would prefer a girl child over a boy but how convinced some people are that everyone must feel that way, how egocentric can you get!

It does explain why boys are more difficult to place for adoption though if that is the prevailing attitude in women. But didn't you all marry, well you know boys (or at least mostly)?

StuntGirl Fri 21-Jun-13 10:51:40

Agree begonia. They should be disgusted with themselves.

All this "Oh but I don't like manicures and pink" bullshit. Or "Well I like running around muddy fields" shit. I hope you got boys who like fashion and girls who like cars you judgemental fucks. Stop projecting your gender stereotypes on your children before you irreperably harm the next generation with your closed minded idiocy.

And I hope your children never know how you wished them away for a different, 'better' child.

melika Fri 21-Jun-13 10:58:32

I have a sil who has 8 yr old twin girls and although they are not identical, she always dresses them exactly the same, from head to toe in pink!

It really grates on me. angry

But when I see a little boy dressed in little mans clothes my heart melts. Aaaw, likkle boys!!

navada Fri 21-Jun-13 11:08:28

Stuntgirl:

I'm not a judgemental fuck wit, I couldn't care less what sex parents prefer ( if any ? ) - but given the choice I would have preferred girls.

Sorry for daring to express an opinion.

Hugglepuff Fri 21-Jun-13 11:08:47

Really lucky to have two healthy children - I am grateful to for that - could not really have given a toss whether they were boys or girls

melika Fri 21-Jun-13 11:18:58

Hear, hear Hugglepuff

I wanted a boy. I was convinced I was having a boy. I got a boy. I don't know why but there you go. When he was born I probably would have thought 'Ooh, there's a turn up' if they'd handed me a girl, then I would have fallen desperately in love with her and not have cared one single jot that she was a girl, because she would have been mine. I would have embraced pink and dolls and all enjoyed shopping for hair bobbles. How utterly horrible to think otherwise.

x2boys Fri 21-Jun-13 11:33:06

two boys here could, nt love them more please don't tell me what I would wish for!

jellysandwich Fri 21-Jun-13 12:11:11

Ok, fair enough. I have been proved wrong and I accept that it was a mistake to make these assumptions. Apologies to all. <Flounces off>.

TheToysAreALIVEITellThee Fri 21-Jun-13 12:23:02

a lot of absolute shart is on this thread <looks in the direction of FussandMess who clearly has boys and wishes everyone else thought like he/she/it does>

I wanted kids, didnt care what gender. I have two boys and am constantly getting "aww, will you try for a girl" hmm.

DomesticCEO Fri 21-Jun-13 12:26:56

grin kewcumber, I've never understood that either! All these women who shudder at the thought of a boy and most of them live with a bloke! They must be delighted you think so little of their own gender hmm.

amazingmumof6 Fri 21-Jun-13 12:28:42

the toys try 5 boys and constantly getting "are you trying for a girl?"

makes my piss curl!

DomesticCEO Fri 21-Jun-13 12:32:04

Breathe, that's so interesting what you say about having one of each and making gender assumptions based on that. Lots of my friends with one of each tend to do that!

It's only when you have two or more of the same gender that you realise how different they are regardless of gender.

My eldest is incredibly sensitive and over thinks everything, which a lot of my friends describe as a girl trait, and my youngest is very fussy about what he wears and whether it "matches" or not!

I don't know why so many women have a fear of boys - it's terribly sad and it hurts when those comments are said about your own children within earshot of them. sad

amazingmumof6 Fri 21-Jun-13 12:32:08

Fenton poppy cock, my boys pick flowers for my hsir, DS2 loves stroking my hair ( and weeding out grey hairs!) and granted they don't play with dolls, but I swear they can pitch their screams that they sound like girls!!!grin

Fenton Fri 21-Jun-13 12:37:16

I hoped my tongue in cheek was obvious mumof6

My boys are screamers too, make daisy chains and have tea parties for their dinosaurs. wink

StuntGirl Fri 21-Jun-13 12:41:49

"I would have embraced pink and dolls and all enjoyed shopping for hair bobbles."

This is the assumption I'm talking about. So if your female child, once born, and developed with a personality all of her own, didn't like your preconceived notions of what being female meant, what then?

MissStrawberry Fri 21-Jun-13 12:42:24

I think you are talking bollocks OP. I have never heard such pathetic nonsense in all my life. You may not have met any mums who prefer/preferred just to have boys but I am one of those mums.

I can't think what else to say I find your post so ridiculous.

needaholidaynow Fri 21-Jun-13 13:02:02

Ever since having DS2 I've said to people that I am very happy with two boys and no I won't be trying for a girl because there is no void in my life (ie a girl!) I don't pine to have a girl, I don't make it my dream to have a girl. I don't care if I never have a girl.

It is ridiculous that people assume that if I have a girl I will be able to do all of the things with her that I enjoyed as a child, and can reminisce. Ermm, I can do all that with my boys!

My family and friends assumed that I was disappointed when I found out DS2 was a boy. Why would I be? DS1 has a little brother to play with, just as he would have had a little sister to play with is Ds2 was a girl. Doesn't matter about the gender to me. My family seemed disappointed that DS2 turned out to be a boy. They so wanted me to have a daughter of my own, but it wasn't to be. They have two beautiful grandsons and nephews instead! smile

If i ever have a girl in the years to come, then it'll be nice. But no nicer, better or more special than having my boys!

5madthings Fri 21-Jun-13 13:04:19

domestic I agree having five means I see that the differences are down to them being individuals with different personalities, not to do with their sex. My four boys are all very distinct people with their own likes and dislikes, ditto dd is her own person with likes and dislikes.

We have tried hard not to fall for gender stereotyping our children, I certainly don't feel that now I have a girl I should embrace all things pink and 'girly'! We already had toy dolls and a cooker and fairies and lots of dress up stuff and things that are seen as 'girls' toys. Dd's fave toys are dinosaurs.... Ds3's fave toys are fairies...

musicposy Fri 21-Jun-13 13:19:46

Well, OP, I'm once of the people you talk of (prepares to be flamed). I only wanted girls. I really, really did not want a boy. If I'd had 6 children I'd have wanted 6 girls. I was genuinely worried when pregnant as I thought I would not be able to love a boy.

I can't really tell you why I was so keen for girls as DD2 in particular loves all things traditionally boyish and eschews anything pink and fluffy - which I'm absolutely fine with - in fact I'm proud of her independence and refusal to be stereotyped. Maybe I just have some deep seated issues!

In any case, I'm sure I would have loved a boy in reality, and when it came to I would have been fine. But I never got a chance to find out. I have two girls grin. I am very much a smug mother of girls <hangs head in shame>. So we do exist. One of my friends is much the same.

But amongst my group of friends, I wouldn't say we are in the majority. One of my friends wanted a boy so much, got a girl and has sadly never really bonded with her properly. She went on to have a boy and he is so much the favoured child it breaks your heart to see how the girl is completely ignored and borderline neglected.

I don't think you can generalise, probably.

amazingmumof6 Fri 21-Jun-13 13:20:41

fenton - given the the whole vibe of this thread sorry, but it wasn't obvious. you should have included a grin! grin

but now I get it - thanks for clarifying! grin

<hands multipacks of grin grin grin grin and crazy~thread-proof wellies to Fenton>

Bumpsadaisie Fri 21-Jun-13 13:26:15

Not me. I always wanted loads of boys. When DD came along as my first I was momentarily disappointed.

I have one of each now and think that is perfect!

Sorry stuntgirl. I knew as soon as I'd typed it that I was just conforming to stereotypes. I just wanted to stress the point that I would have loved a daughter as much as a son no matter what they would be like or what they wanted to play with. I talk to DS about fairies, he had a baby doll and a kitchen... honestly, I'm not into forcing gender on anyone. Sorry sad