to ask why you stopped talking to a friend.(233 Posts)
I stopped talking to a friend because my DS really did n't like playing with her DS, meetings with the kids were stressful. No major drama with the grown ups, just gradually decreased our contact. Friends for a season.
Why have your friendships fallen apart?
same as you. My dd was on the receiving end of a lot of horrible behaviour from her ds, she kept minimizing it. I said no more thanks and left it at that. Thems the breaks sometimes.
I stopped talking to a male friend after he sent me a text message telling me how much I wanted him to get naked and to have sex with him. I didn't.
1. Because he didn't even bother texting after I ended up in hospital to check I was OK (he was there when I called the ambulance). Although we did become loose friends again after a few years
2. Because she flakes out constantly and doesn't reply to texts or answer calls when we're supposed to be meeting up but haven't made firm plans (she hates making them). She doesn't know I'm cooling it yet though ;)
Because she makes me feel inferior with her lifestyle, house and holiday. I have other friends with more than her and dont feel like that with them because I feel they value my qualities and skills. Can't put my finger on it - she just makes me feel less worthy every time I see her. So I'm not going to.
1. Because his new girlfriend decided my wedding was an extravagant ploy to make him jealous and 'steal' him for myself
2. Because she seems to be in competition with everyone, blows hot and cold about speaking to people and her child is violent to mine but she won't accept that even when she sees it happening.
Because when my vile, cheating boyfriend dumped me (I know, I should have done the dumping) she decided she'd rather be friends with him and would go and get drunk with him, then bring him back to the house (we lived together, we're students) and stay up having loud, screechy, giggly, drunken conversations with him until early hours.
She was a right cow and I hope she's a MNer now. Yeah, Jill, I await your apology.
(Possibly should have let this go after ten years.)
Because she was patronising, dull and never once made any effort to spend time with me.
Slowly growing apart, different interests, loyalties and directions in life. No big fall out, just the odd text once every few years.
Because she never once inquired about my dd when we were waiting to find out if dd would need brain surgery.
Bitch kept trying to 'out' my teenage son. Last straw on top of other offensive, disrespectful, inappropriate and rude behaviour.
I've never stopped talking to a friend.
I have stopped talking to people I have discovered are not actually friends.
I have let contact drift with people because we were friends of (mutual) convenience, rather than friends for life. (pally with them because our kids were in the same class, or because WE were in the same class at school etc )
I find it easier to walk away without a backward glance if I first recategorise people according to either their actions or the situation.
I expect you'll say that's heartless Most people do.
But I advise you all to really look at those people you call friend and see if they are indeed any such thing.
Because I did all the legwork (well, driving 200 miles each way) every time and it was never reciprocated (even when she didn't have kids).
Because ringing me when I've driven almost all those miles to say you can't meet up because DS has a runny nose can only happen so often.(Not four times in 6 months)
And because you shouldn't ask for something back that you gave as a gift,but decide you now need again.
We seem to be edging back towards friendship now, bit by bit through FB of all things.
We shall see.
I confided that I was relieved to be going back to work part time and he next time I said I love you to my baby she put on a baby's voice and said 'but Mummy you can't wait to get rid of me'
He fathered two kids by two different women the first of whom was a great mother then moved onto a third.. I didn't know the second woman but just started to wonder why I spent time with such a knob who was completely different from me.
1. Ditch me every time she got a new girlfriend, would only want to know me when she was heart broken, then ditch me again when her next conquest came along. And whenever we did meet, would always bring up the past to try and upset/humiliate me, always had to stick the knife in. Was ridiculously self obsessed.
2. I lost a baby and was seriously ill in hospital, she knew and didn't contact me. Then two months later I get a text.....I've been sooooo busy, got a new job and moved house I hear things have changed for you?
Just that, nothing else, says it all really!
Because she told a mutual friend I had said a load of nasty stuff about mutual friend.
Mutual friend was devastated but thankfully twigged I wasn't a gossipy/bitch behind your back type and confronted me. But only after several months a several glass of wine as Dutch courage.
In fact mutual friend and I stopped talking to her at the same time once we realised.
I often wonder what other crap she told to people I know.
She is the original toxic friend.
I considered dumping a male friend but haven't done it. We email so I'd just leave longer between emails. Haven't met for 20 years.
Last summer we ended up in a B & B as part of a house move and it included my birthday. It was very stressful as for a few nights everywhere was full and we ended up in some dodgy places. My friend emailed me really pushing for an address, saying he'd been ill and his brother (40-something man) had bought the birthday card on his behalf and would be so disappointed if it couldn't be sent. I was annoyed but ended up lying that if he sent it to my old address I'd get it. Actually it was being redirected to a relative. I felt so p*issed off that at a time when we were scarily close to homeless he was pushing for an address for a birthday card. I'd spent months explaining our plans so everyone knew we'd have no address for a while.
Because she lied and lied and lied and when she'd finished lying she lied some more about anything and everything.
I stopped talking to a friend after she sent naked photos of herself to my ex less than a week after we'd broken up and told him over exaggerated accounts of things I'd said and done when I really just wanted to get on with my life. So I did,I just had to leave all my friends behind too.
Because I was always there for her through her very many troubles but when mine came along she told me anything bad that happened to me was my own fault.
Because she left our (shared) house and all of the bills and never gave me a penny towards them.
Same person. Over 20 years ago and I wouldn't spit on her if she was on fire. I nearly had a breakdown because of her.
Because she behaved like a mardy brat when she was the only bridesmaid at my wedding. She acted like it was the most unimportant inconvenience she had ever been involved in. Then had a big wedding that she raved on and on about like it was a royal ball and not only wasn't I part of it I wasn't even invited!
She'd been a bit 'isn't my life better than yours' for a while so it was no surprise or great loss.
Message withdrawn at poster's request.
'Because she lied and lied and lied and when she'd finished lying she lied some more about anything and everything.'
That including things like multiple differing disabilities for her DC, even the one that does definitely have one and most of the stories are lifted directly from mine and other people's experiences about our DC...
Also she told someone that I have a drug problem, I don't btw, you know, just in case that wasn't clear, lol
Incompatible behaviours/lifestyle. By which I mean I (and the people I had surrounded myself with) came from very unhealthy backgrounds (violence, alcoholism, drugs, etc).
When I finally decided that I had to break free of it, I had to let almost all of the friendships go. I don't know if its the same for most friends, but mine reacted very badly to my attempts at change, to the point I just had to cut them loose.
Because she's turned out to be a two-faced cow who ignored me when i was really ill and lied to a mutual friend..
Because she made up vile stories about a mutual friend. Lied to said friend about me. Lied and lied then lied some more about various dramas in her life.
Unbelievably toxic and I can't believe quite how dumb I was.
A huge error of judgement being her friend and helping her out quite as much as I did.
Wow! Lots of stories about lying! It's really a deal breaker isn't it?
Because when I became seriously ill and couldn't entertain her, take her places etc she just disappeared. No support at all after 30 years of being best friends. Now im getting better she wants to pick up where we left off.
I see her very occasionally but I make sure its only with other friends and not for very long.
I don't do big fallings out.
I just stop bothering with people.
I can't remember anyone doing anything singularly outrageous.
But continued lurching from one self induced drama to another is something I cannot deal with anymore.
If someone expressed racist, homophobic or otherwise bigoted views I wouldn't bother picking up the phone again.
All she did was talk about herself, how much money she had, what she was planning to buy next, all she talked about was money and buying things. If I said anything either she would better it or if she couldn't she would change the subject. She wasn't interested in anything I had to say.
I recently invited her to a celebration thing, it reminded me why we don't meet up anymore "oh your DD1s room is a nice colour, I think my DD1 wants her room like this, of course when we did our whole house up this year we didn't do DD1s room, well do it next" argh!!!!
Thing is she would tell you exactly what she and her DH earned (didn't want to know) how much she had left on her conservatory/car loans, wasnt as much as our household income (not that she'd ever know that) but I suppose that's what comes when you brag constantly.
I hate really material people, she had no other stuff she wanted to talk about.
Because I was sidelined when I developed arthritis and couldn't drive hundreds of miles to campsites that she picked but wouldn't go to any nearer ones that I picked which meant that I couldn't go.
Also when a group of us booked to go to centerparcs and I didn't go to a get together at her house because of illness she (and the others) all decided who was sleeping where which put their children with friends of similar ages but my two were shafted. When I complained about this she put the phone down on me and told everyone that I was refusing to pay my share. nb we had about 3 months to decide where everyone was sleeping so it didn't need to be decided that night.
Because they told me that I was over-reacting to miscarrying my much longed for baby (at 13 weeks) and that they couldn't see me again until I had had extensive therapy to help me come to terms with it
1. Because I wouldn't join FB and she found it easier to keep in touch with people that way we had managed the 1st 20 years of friendship without FB
2. Because she was constantly telling me how money was tight, so I gave her a cot, clothes etc and then I found out they were going on their 2nd holiday of the year.
It's the lying that kills. Every time. Most things can be worked through but the lying leaves a lasting sting.
Because she told me she was only having a very small family wedding so couldn't invite me. I later found she had had quite a big wedding and invited a person I didn't particularly get along with
because she ran off with a friends H when friend was 6 weeks off giving birth and obviously her wedding wasn't big enough for the both of us. I just never took a call from her again and changed numbers not long after. We were in different cities though so it wasn't hard to avoid her. We had been best friends for years.
I've drifted apart from a few people.
Sometimes its nudged a bit quicker to a close when I've discovered the friend in question holds views which are fundamentally incompatible with my own.
I'm sorry veryhungrycaterpiller but that really made me laugh. What a cow though!
I stopped emailing an old friend who'd moved abroad, when I realised that a) she only ever got in touch to tell me how preternaturally fabulous her children were, and b) I had a horrible miscarriage, ill for 6 months, and there was just no real sympathy there from her, no checking how I was or anything that a friend might do.
Periodically I get requests for money for charity events from her, which I ignore - after having donated once and got no thanks. Or a round robin about her fabulous children.
Long friendship with a lot of back-story, one of the funniest people, we had great times in our twenties, and I miss her a lot, but there's nothing there that makes a friendship any more.
1. Because I didn't send her PFB a birthday card. I was burying my father at the time, but you know, priorities...
2. Because she expected me to be able to drop everything and travel across London to listen to the latest disastrous installment of her private life, even 2 weeks after an ECS, she told DD quite viciously to shut up when her gurgling interrupted the story she was telling about the latest man in her life and finally, when I didn't call within 5 hours to see how she was after cosmetic surgery (because DD had come down with a severe case of chickenpox and I'd entirely forgotten about her impending nose job), she dumped me by text, telling me what a terrible friend I was - and it was SUCH a relief!
Because she decided to make a situation worse with lies rather than do what a friend should have done and offered support if she believed the original lie.
She also told a mutual friend of ours what she had done, that friend started texted me fishing for information.
I speak to neither now - it took me 3 years to recover totally emotionally from the ordeal
This thread is interesting. I think having children focuses the mind on who we ought to spend time with. We can just about with people being rude to us but then when they do it to our children ... BYE!
I stopped talking to a friend because ALL she talked about was her sister who had downs syndrome. When ever we met she would bring her sister with her. She had downs syndrome and autism, quite severe and had a mental age of around 2-7. It was quite hard going out for meals/ pub/ shopping with her because she was a runner, and could have horrendous 'tantrums' .
It was not just myself who stopped talking to her, but another friend also. We didnt mind her sister joining us most of the time, and we also used to do activites that were purely just for her sisters enjoyment. But it was very draining for her sister to be all my friend talked about, or to not be able to totally relax in a resturant/pub.
the final straw came when i was due to meet my friend after work one afternoon. i work shifts and was meeting her after my shift and before i had to get off to bed before work very early next morning. She first asked if her sister could come, then she was late. then she called when she knew i would be sleep.
Because my 'friend' cancelled on me because she had the chance to go somewhere with her 'best friend'. Rude! Plus I always did the arranging!
Because I realised that she was one of those perpetually miserable people, and every time we met she just moaned about trivial stuff which was really really boring. Our kids (currently toddlers) will be going to different schools, so I just took the opportunity to distance myself.
After years of just swallowing it, I stopped taking the rudeness and abuse from my evil step mother when the kids came along.
Agree that having kids focuses the mind less time and energy to concentrate on things/people that do not 'feed your soul'!
Because she decided my life was nicer than hers and she wanted it so started inviting friends we had introduced her to, to events we had always gone to with them, but not asking us. Final straw was a school ball where she invited all of our usual table except us to go with her and her DH.
Rather than allowing it to happen quietly I made a real song and dance about it because I was so angry. Luckily it backfired on her as people saw through her and she gradually faded out of our friendship groups
Because when I became unexpectedly pregnant by someone who did not stick around, and she had just met her new boyfriend, she was suddenly too busy to see/speak to me, and when she did find the time it was to tell me all about how great her new relationship was.
A. Because in a moment of vindictive anger he spilled a mutual friend's secret. It was personal information which he used as a weapon in his tantrum. I don't need friends who are capable of that.
B. Because we went on holiday together. Ruined a pleasant friendship. I found her irritatingly wet.
C. Because she went from being fun interesting and ambitious to dull and duller.
D. Because after years off supporting her through family difficulties - as soon as her life perked up she was off without a backward glance, and when I could have done with a bit of consideration she ignored every message and phone call.
Because the sum total of her response to my "I've just had dc2" text, sent from hospital, was "Well done".
There was no card, no call, nothing until a couple of months later when she invited me to her engagement party. I emailed and explained why I would not be coming. She replied immediately, apologising, and said she was depressed at the time, and lots of her friends had had babies. 'Fraid that was not good enough for me.
Because I didn't meet her standards for friendship, and following the third summit called by her to "discuss our relationship" I decided that I did not need to be told how crap I was and how to improve myself again.
Because at said third lecture she backed up her criticisms with "and it's not just me who thinks that", then refused to tell me exactly which of her friends who barely know me she'd been slagging me off to as "we might all meet up together and it wouldn't be fair on them".
No amount of time or effort given was never enough, and if I ever couldn't do something I was called on "making excuses". This also applied after I had a miscarriage and wasn't much in the mood for socialising.
I'm not one for conflict and each time she decided to tell me all my flaws, I used to consider her remarks and tell her that I'd try to be better. After the last meeting I thought a lot about what she'd said (especially the fact that a bunch of people I barely knew were apparently discussing my behaviour around the time I'd had MC) and decided it just wasn't worth it. If I'd talked to her about it it would have ended up with me apologising again, so I just stopped talking to her.
She has messed around with her ex for 18 years in spite of living with current dp. I am patient but just can't hear the excuses any more about why she found that acceptable. Three lives ruined, she has totally manipulated both of them. Just didn't want her around me, my dh, my dc, with her whiny complaining and manipulative "poor little me" attitude. She is mystified about why she's ended this unhappy. Textbook case of what happens if you never have the courage to do the right thing.
kept having digs at me, and then another one about DH's looks.
Last straw was him taking he p*ss out me twice for being fat, at our friends wedding, 3 months after i'd given birth to DC2.
Because she would undermine me constantly, only call on me when all her other friends were busy,had an affair and got nasty with me because I wouldn't be used as a alibi! I phased her out and haven't seen her for 18 months now, don't miss her at all tbh
I realised she was talking about mutual friends behind their backs, she manipulated the story to always make out the other person was in the wrong. If the same person has problems with family, friends, even random people in public then it is not their fault but hers..surely?!
She seemed to have major mood swings whilst travelling together and then pushed me out when a friend moved in with us (student shared house) and said "you don't bring anything to the table, X is funny, Y has a car". I moved out, when I went back for my stuff found out she had tried to attempt fraud in my name and my room has been completely trashed.
Still have the odd nightmare about her and just hope I never bump into her
Because she was a lying fantasist, who turned the smallest drama into a major crisis, stirred the shit, stabbed me in the back and stitched me up with a member of my extended family. Ill put up with a lot, but enough was enough.
I let contact slide with a good friend a couple of years ago. It's tricky, as she's a colleague of dh's. I found out she'd slept with several other of their colleagues (not dh!), all the while maintaining good friendships with their partners. We all used to socialise together regularly and I feel a bit sick to think of her working at these textbook female friendships with some very nice people, whilst working her way around their partners.
DH hears from her occasionally but is scared to tell me
Gosh. I'm not sure I've ever dumped a friend. But I tend to be the 'organiser' in our groups so maybe I just stopped organising stuff without really thinking about it?
A bit of food for thought here though.
Because I discovered that her DD was bullying, undermining and treating my DD like dirt. Often complained about my DD but refused to acknowledge any concern I had regarding her DD's behaviour. Also because she was a professional 'victim' and was an emotional drain.
Because my ex asked her out a week after we split up
She said no obviously and there never was anything going on between them but it made things really awkward and we just drifted apart after that
1) Because her infertility clashed with my PND (but, touch wood, we're now repairing things).
2) Because the constant, racist, Daily Mailesque shared crap on Facebook made me see the real person inside.
3) I genuinely do not know, but something to do with being paranoid and sleeping with a married mutual friend, I wasn't the only person they froze out.
4) Texting/phoning me when drunk and feeling sorry or herself at 3 o'clock in the morning, when we had a newborn. Being foul to mutual friends. Being a complete b**ch when I said I didn't feel up to seeing anyone just after I'd had a MC.
I can't reduce this thread and your stories to a neat, one size fits all conclusion, but it's interesting reading.
When my baby was seriously ill she didn't bother to come by and see me despite being in the same town (usually lived miles away). Endlessly sorry for herself about her life while taking no responsibility for it and whinging about it all constantly and asking for advice which never took. Appalling taste in men which made me nervous about visiting so far to be in the company of her latest drug addict/violent tosser of a bloke and when did once she did nothing to protect us and let him abuse me verbally. Never having time to talk when I needed to but had hours to talk about her life and problems, and more problems ad infinitum. Some dubious parenting practices and that's putting it VERY mildly.
The next because she ranted and raved at me because I couldn't spend whole weekend with her while we chose my wedding dress and she wanted to visit all weekend because she wanted a mini-break. She literally screamed down the phone at me and left a bad taste in the mouth about picking dress for sometime. Clearly a narc.
Another one because she refused to pay my expenses when I gave up 2 weeks of my summer to work on her project. Had been agreed in advance but she made less money than she thought she would so saw fit to withdraw her offer...after I had done the work.
Another one because she had an emotional affair with my partner at the time.
I was thinking today I need to think about how I make friends and be more careful so this thread is timely.
Phew. Feel better!
1. She came to stay for the weekend. Was miserable and grumpy the whole time. And left her dirty knickers on my bedroom floor.
2. Downgraded to good company rather than friend because she never listens, didn't come and see me for 2 weeks after I'd had DS despite being my only friend (live abroad) and I realised that actually she's a bit thick.
Because she hacked my dd,s email account and used the information gained to upset my dd and wheedle her
Because she hacked my dd,s email account and used the information gained to upset my dd and wheedle her way into my ex,s life. then bragged about their special relationship. I wasnt arsed he was a knob and she deserved hi.
Because she repeatedly arranged meet ups and either texted last minute (or once got her much younger sister to Facebook me) to give me some lame excuse about why she couldn't come, or just not turn up! I once waited out in the cold with DD who was about 10 months old for an hour before she pranced past with someone else having completely forgotten the arrangement we had made just that morning
Because she relentlessly pursued three of my boyfriends whilst I was still with them, then told me what an awful friend I was because I should have asked her before going out with them as she was clearly the better choice for them, she hadn't even met one of them when I first started seeing him!
Because he met a lovely woman, but she didn't really like our friendship, didn't like me talking about my DD (she had no DC but wanted some and resented DF's vasectomy), took offence at most things I said. I actually quite liked her but it wasn't reciprocated. DF felt we should only meet if our partners were present and used to ask me to mind what I talked about (eg nothing about DD). Much as I loved him, it became too much like hard work (sad).
Because she was flaky and constantly let me down when organising meet ups. The last straw was when she forgot which park we were meeting at and made me walk through town with a 3 year old and suffering from SPD and then when I phoned her to ask where she was she told me she was in another park across the city and then told me to enjoy myself alone with dd! No apology! The funny thing is we were messaging each other as I got off the bus in town and I told her I was in the city centre at which point she could have told me not to walk to the flipping park because she wasn't there! Grrr. That still pisses me off. Gradually decreased contact after that.
Fell out with a friend once because she slept with MY fuck buddy. Ashamed of my irrational jealousy now but I was 17 at the time
Fell out with a male friend not too long ago due to him being annoying in general but when he assumed the reason I was blatantly fazing him out was because I must fancy him no it's coz you're a stupid, ignorant and apparently vain fool. I was so angry at that assumption I've cut him dead ever since. I think the exact wording of my parting shot was "it's not you, it's me. I have a problem and the problem is you".
Yes I've let things go with a flaky last-minute canceller, as well. Not a friend, more of a pal, so no big deal.
She always wanted to reschedule, so we would see each other, it was just that something better had come along for that particular time slot. Nah.
Constantly flaked out of commitments. Stopped bothering.
Mine is so sad.
Because after supporting her through years of an abusive relationship, worrying myself silly over her and her dd, being professionally compromised, having to spend time I didn't want to with her foul husband, she then chose to get pregnant again. Just couldn't condone her bringing another child into that disaster of a household and couldn't bear to watch any more. Was awful but I had nothing left to give her.
Because of the aggressive, spiteful, bullying texts and voice mails she sent to my 15 year old son, who had decided for many valid reasons that he no longer wanted to be friends with her son. On one occasion she was, over the course of a couple of hours, interspersing friendly text messages to me with abusive ones to my son.
I don't like confrontation and I didn't deal with it properly for a long time. I just went out of my way to avoid her.
It was only when I bumped into her a few months later and she started chatting as if nothing had happened that I was finally brave enough to challenge her on it and tell her exactly what I thought of her behaviour.
We haven't spoken since. It's no loss.
Because she fired her nanny for having a miscarriage.
sorry, more to the point, because she fired her nanny for having time off sick because the nanny was hospitalised with complications with a miscarriage.
Because she never bothered with me after my mum died and didn't come to the funeral. Showed me how little she cared.
because we would only meet up on her terms, when it was convenient for her. And she had a friend hierarchy: friends in the elite circle who could go with her on mini breaks to Paris and friends who were allowed to eat out with her and friends who were allowed only for coffee.
I always felt about 14 around her.
So I ditched her 14 year old stylee.
She punched me in the face because she thought her dp was flirting with me. He wasn't. I didn't accept her excuse of being "really really drunk and I hadn't eaten" the next day and we haven't spoken since.
I was aware she had a drink problem previously but now armed with the knowledge she is a violent alcoholic I have zero interest in sharing air space with her never mind speaking to her again.
Have never had screaming fits with friends, well not since teenage years
Stopped making plans with a serial 'rain checker'.
Let a friend drift for lying - basically her actions showedhow unimportant the friendship was to her. It's her loss.
Because she was a "magpie", always after the shiniest and coolest friends. Most of our mutual friends had fallen out with her, but thanks to my mum's mantra of ' make new friends but keep the old' I stayed in touch. Straw came when she didn't come to my 30th because she was at her new bestie's drinks (despite the fact I'd known her for 21 years, compared to a few.months with her new pal). When I realised a few weeks later I was pregnant I didn't bother telling her, 2 years on I've never once gears from her.
Because I caught her boyf cheating on her, and told her and listened while her boyf called me everything under the sun and said I should have knocked on the door first. And she did nothing to defend me.
Because he RSVPed yes to our engagement party and then ditched us as soon as a 'better' offer came along (actually his regular night out doing the same things he did every other week)
Because he turned into a hypocritical eco-mentallist - constantly preached to everyone about the environment, very condescending, never relented but didn't stick to his own rules! Classic one was a great big Facebook rant about people buying smart phones and creating waste by ditching their old phones, even though "all you really need a phone for is calling and texting", so keep your brick-like 90s phone. Fair enough - except for the little grey text below the status which read "Posted 1 hour ago via Facebook for iPhone"...
Both those were the same guy, by the way.
Because I was an idiot.
But we chatted for two hours tonight, and I think we're friends again.
I have rarely stopped a friendship dead in its tracks.
I am in the process of cooling things with a friend who expects to have a one and a half hour conversation long distance about once a week which consists of her talking about her job and dating exploits and never asking about me. I have a full time job and a two year old and life is too fucking short.
She never came to see me because she and her husband were so 'poor' they couldn't afford the fare yet her DP earns twice what DH and I do put together and they are very comfortable (yet so tight!) Final straw was her husband begrudging my toddler one grape to eat.
Because she said I was like a cow (because I was breastfeeding).
Because she likes to make her own DD cry 'because she likes the look on her face when her DD cries'
Because she tried to give grapes to my 8 month old baby and was shocked when I said no.
Because she said I always complain about being tired
I do not and she is never tired she says because she never holds her baby DD, her arms hurt too much
I'm quite harsh and usually cut people out if I feel I'm gaining nothing from the friendship. I phase them out gradually though and don't fall out with them.
Most notable phased out people:
A very demanding woman who expected me to listen to her for hours on end on the phone, talking about herself and her problems, and never ever had any time to listen to me. She repeatedly forgot arrangments we'd made, and prided herself on being 'honest' which actually in her case was code for 'fucking rude'. Final straw was when she phoned me up and had a massive go at me because our DDs, who are friends at school, had had a minor tiff that day. She totally overreacted to anything and everything, and also used to stamp her feet and tantrum when she couldn't have her own way. I think she thought the world revolved around her.
Second phased out friend was someone who constantly made passive aggressive comments 'pretending' to be my youngest DS when he was little. Lots of digs about still being in nappies, or about not having a hat on on a cold day. Also lots of comments about me that initially sounded like compliments but actually had a sting in the tail and would be a put down.
waitandsee - " 'make new friends but keep the old' My gran told me that years and years ago and I've tried to stick to it and it's been worth it. I'm always puzzled by people who move from one best friend to another and another as though looking for some kind of thrill that they can never quite achieve. I really value my oldest friends - having mutual history is such a lovely binding thing.
I've only fallen out with one "freind" and that was last week.
She's is one of those parents, where its always the victim and never the prepretator , she showed me her true colours when her dd was involved in bullying/being nasty alongside other kids.
Her whole outlook in life is, everyone owns me something, just a nasty peice of work!
"She like to make her Dd cry because she likes the look on her face"
There is something very wrong with your former friend. Very very wrong.
Isn't that called Munchausens by Proxy Alis?
Because, despite her conveniently forgetting that I didn't know all the details of her life (some major) she 'couldn't forgive me' for not telling her about a fledging relationship (with my now husband). He and I wanted to keep it quiet for a couple of months while we worked out if it was serious (he and I had been together before but it hadn't worked out... We were once bitten, twice shy). She couldn't accept it.
Now, I'm thankful and wonder why we were ever friends in the first place. It was totally give and take (me giving, her taking).
Malcom I think that's technically making your child ill to gain attention for yourself - not sure what MrsRickyMartin's former friend is up to behind closed doors but that fact she thinks it's a normal enough thing to tell other people is worrying.
Oh yes, you're right Alis - bugger - I'm sure there's a name for doing stuff like that......<<<<thinks>>>> <<<smells burning>>> <<<stops thinking>>>
Malcom <chucks water> grin
You are probably right - I'm certainly no expert on the illness nor what would fall into the diagnostic criteria
I think that one sentence is the most disturbing thing I've read in a while. Whatever is going on,I feel sorry for that poor child.
Me too. I'll probably think about that all bloody night now. Very troubling.
Spent years moaning about her dh to me, but refused to leave the relationship because she loved him so much. She got pregnant by another man which was her second affair. Dh thinks child is his.
She only ever wanted me to listen, but never wanted the advise. This went on for years.
She never expressed any interest in my life.
We had nothing in common anymore.
Because I supported my friend through thick and thin but after my miscarriage, she was awful. Everything had to be about her dramas but I really needed some support. I was very low but thankfully all my real friends helped me through.
Friend 1. The most bitchy but popular and funny girl but soooooo self centered and thoughtless. Used to harp on and on for ages about people on the phone to me but if I dared to speak about my life she would go and ring her doorbell and say "gotta go". Was inconsiderate when I was going through infertility and constantly spoke about her pregnancy/baby/christening.
Friend 2. My old school friend. Met aged 13 but she met her now dh aged 17 and ditched me. We have remained on off friends into our 30s but not without huge effort on my part. Her dh is jealous of our old funny stories and she lets him control her. Fed up of it after chasing and being let down so many times.
Friend 3. Crazy insecure paranoid control freak. Texted me daily and expected an instant reply otherwise it must mean I'm not talking to her etc. used to phone the house phone incessantly until I answered. Bye bye.
I prefer my own company. Shrugs.
I am glad I am not mad, I felt so sick after witnessing that and 'friend' saying it, that I decided not to meet them anymore. I felt like crying after seeing her making her DD cry.
She said 'I am not careful with DD like you are with your DS' when her DD was near the top very steep stairs in the restaurant and she didn't want to move her near her in a safe place.
I do think there is something wrong, I thought maybe because she did not want to have children, she had her DD because it was expected of her.
It makes me sad, but the fact she kept making comments about my parenting made me decide to not see her anymore.
I can completely understand why you made that decision MrsRickyMartin. There is something wrong with your former friend. Nothing that you could report her to authorities to really (I don't think?). But I truly feel so sad (and a worried) for that little girl.
I couldn't be friends with somebody like that either nor would I know what I could do to help, the little girl not the mother.
She took me for granted. xx
I generally just sort of drift away if I'm fed up with someone ...
One was a huge liar and very right wing/ racist ( we used to go clubbing together and were always too boxed for me to notice what her views were! )
The other's still around but whenever I see her she always tells me something awful about someone I like so she's pretty depressing company ( plus I'm starting to wonder what she says about me ... ) and she's very judgemental about people which is a bit tedious, so I'm leaving things to settle for a while.
Because she was jealous of my relationship with my mum, wanted my mum to be hers( my mum=not that great) and the final straw was when I pulled out of going to a concert with her, she said I was just using my FILs illness as an excuse not to go. Concert was on Friday, FIL died on the Sunday. Bitch still hangs about my mother. They are a good team.
Because when my relationship broke down I became sick with sadness and couldn't speak to anyone. When I came to she didn't want to know me any more. Now she does but I am not sure why. She will never kick me again.
One of these made my stomach lurch because I was absolutely sure it was about me.
I searched the poster and realise it wasn't, but have just seen things from my friend's POV after a heartbreaking year of not speaking.
Feel totally shit and don't know how to put it right. Think it may be too late.
Because she went flatting with the man who had sexually assaulted me. We had been friends for five years, and had known him about six months. She also said that she didn't want to only believe one side of the story (ie mine) even though he never disputed it - to the authorities anyway, he may well have spun it differently behind my back - and that it was a pity I couldn't just get over it, as he and I had been really good friends. We hadn't, he'd been harassing me for months. She still tries to contact me, I ignore her.
I hope they rot in hell together.
She betrayed (in my mind) both another friend and I while depressed. It was awful.
She has since made a good apology and we are working at our friendship slowly, with new boundaries. Other friend has no interest.
We will never have quite the same close friendship but were very close for 5 years and I do understand that situation she was in. I am not the type to abandon.
These stories are really interesting...
Because the effort put in no longer equalled the pleasure received from the friendship. And because after I moved away, the gossip about the other playground mums simply wasn't interesting. Wish it wasn't so, because I am awfully lonely now.
She was a flaky friend that kept letting me down. Tried cutting contact several times, and de facebooking. Then she rang me out of the blue crying on the phone begging for money. I refused as I never lend friends money, and she knows this. She really put me in a position.
She was a complete psycho. I trained with her in my job, and she couldn't stand the fact that I was more popular with men than she was as she was the blonde skinny one, and I was the brunette with big boobs. Every time we were out and I'd meet a guy shed go ape shit at me, but when she met someone when we were out, that was fine. Complete fucking nutter that I'm glad I'm not friends with.
We met when our DC's were tiny and were friends for 30 years. Well we still send Christmas and birthday cards.
We went through so much together, my divorce and the death of her husband when I dropped everything to drive across the country to literally hold her hand while we arranged his funeral etc.
I maintained contact by going to stay with her as she moved around the country even when we were very poor. I listened to her moaning about how hard up she was, the husband left her very well provided for, and then receiving postcards from foreign parts. Told me I could afford a holiday if I lived on baked beans for a month and just didn't get how hard it is bringing a family up on benefits.
After several years of mourning, I mean only wearing black, she found a boyfriend and 8 years later I have still never been introduced to him. Is she ashamed of me or him?
The last straw was when I wasn't invited to her daughter's wedding. She has no other friends and has nothing to do with her late husband's family so it wasn't a question of their side of the church being full up. It was because her family is very dressy and they thought I would not come up to their standard. They are all slim and have a low opinion of plump people and I am one of that ilk.
Feel better for that but it makes me sad still.
Drifted away from a group of friends after several years (we'd been friends since joining an nct group) it just dawned on me that we actually had nothing in common apart from having babies at the same time. I couldn't take anymore bragging about who sent their child to the best school, had the best holidays, house, cleaner, gardener....it was like being a "Stepford Wife"! I didn't have a gardener, cleaner etc and the comment "Oh but chocciebickie you have a nice little house"... time to walk away I though
I have also just stopped talking to a friend who has asked one too many favours and then left me with a massive bill to pay...but thats another story!
Just another viewpoint,I have stopped talking to people over the years not because of any thing they have done but because of my cyclical depression. I can be fine for years often life and soul of the party,then it hits I have to retreat I can work(just) care for my kids (just) but nothing else.
I probably should tell friends what is happening but I don't ,when I am in this mode Auto-pilot is all that I can maintain. I have been great for a long time again,I think I now have got into the habit of not forging close bonds-make coffee friends easily enough but anything else I tend not to get involved with.
So sometimes you may have done nothing,it is me !
Like another poster said cos she made me feel inferior. She was married and planning children and kept asking me and my other unmarried friends 'when are you getting a ring on your finger?' Then asking my friend who had recently had a miscarriage if she was planning on having children. I had told her in confidence and she deliberately brought that subject up. That was the last straw.
Because spending time with her was draining and stressful, she demanded a lot and had no consideration for my life or feelings. I cut her a lot of slack wrt to all that as she had problems but the final straw was when another, more trusted friend told me to "watch out, so-and-so's really jealous of you." It felt weird and ominous so I distanced myself immediately.
I still like my friend but I have stopped emailing her, she moved schools and so I don't see her.
It isn't that I don't think about her and miss her. It's that I am exhausted with my new baby and barely any help from anyone and I just can't do it - if we met up I'd be a mess, I'd have nothing to say, my brain doesn't work at the moment.
She just had a new baby too but she has a lot more support - a partner and so on. I feel like I have sunk into a sort of big muddy field and can't get out.
I hope she doesn't think I hate her or something. We never were very good at meeting up at the best of times.
feelingdizzy, I have a friend who has depression with anxiety, and countless physical problems. She hasn't contacted me for some months. I would be happy with just a chat on the phone if that's all she can manage. I have made the difficult decision not to contact her as it has always been me doing this for the last few years, and initiating meeting up. I can't do it any more, and I certainly can't have it out with her because she may well overdose, as she did the last time she and her carer friend had a row.
The last time we met up I did leave the ball in her court and she said she would call me. I feel sad that I can't do more, but for years an army of doctors, counsellors, psychiatrists and so on have been trying to sort her out, and seem to be failing spectacularly. I can't tell how much she is co-operating with their advice and treatments, but I know she has previously just stopped taking medication because she thought they weren't helping or made her feel worse (without consulting the DR first) and then had psychotic episodes as a result. I am denied the opportunity to be a support when she has various crises with health or family, because she just won't let me. So I have to let it go now as I don't think there is much of a friendship left.
I dropped a whole family because of one toxic member last year. After breaking up with my toxic ex and discovering that he had a harem of women in various stages of seduction (bear in mind that my ex and I lived together), all she could say was " well he probably looked at you and thought that you never had nothing. Anyway, you need to lose weight". Nobody called her out. This is a forty eight year old woman who has two sets of boys for two different men ( not judging her, but it does indicate that her love life has not been all positive for her) and she has NEVER left home. Scales fell off of my eyes and I remembered other times over a thirty odd year period where she has gone behind my back and referred to me and my sister as "ugly" to OUR friends. She is very good looking in a contrived way and sees her only duty (after looking after her "boys") as attracting men. A wiser person than me did say to me that she has noticed that for all her beauty regime, my ex friend doesn't appear to attract decent men more than me. When I declared that I will no longer entertain any Jamaican man that has the whiff of "yardie" about them, I was accused of being a snob! My life has changed since I have sorted the wheat from the chaff! Mumsnet has helped me stick to my guns and has shown me that we as women do not have maintain an image to suit the outside world. Thank You!
Sometimes I've just drifted apart from people because it wasn't going anywhere, or perhaps because I'm just too busy to contact people regularly so only the friends who are OK with that survive!
I ditched one friend who was becoming incredibly demanding ad talking over my life. I had a new baby and for the first time in my life I stood up to neediness as I had to put my baby first - it was harsh for her, but I've never looked back.
And another friend who I had for years split up with her partner who was also our friend, and married an incredibly boring man, and she was always quite selfish and me-me-me, and a bit woo which I couldn't be doing with, and it turns out I just can't be arsed. But I think she'd had enough of me too, to be fair.
Been wondering for a while about posting a 'WWYD?' about my ex-friendship situation, so this thread is well-timed :-)
Sorry if this is a thread hijack.
About this time last year she made some comments I thought were a bit off (not about me - about her work customers basically), I disagreed with her (but didn't say how unprofessional it made her sound), thought no more of it. After a while I realised I hadn't heard from her since (we've always been in sporadic contact, not loads all the time but there when each other needs us for over a decade now). When i enquired about her wellbeing to a mutual (new-ish) friend, she told me my friend was upset about our conversation, which troubled me. So I got in touch, asked how she was doing, etc etc. Got a massive email rant in reply - she was still v upset, I was totally out of order, etc. so I sent a several-paragraph email apologising at length and hoping we can move on, saying how much she means to me, etc. In return she sent several paragraphs of bitter unpleasant character assassination - this is so like me, nobody likes me, listing all my flaws and bad personality traits etc.
I didn't reply but was deeply hurt and upset that she thought so little of me and didn't value our friendship.
Since then (that was last autumn) I keep wanting to get back in touch but not sure whether to or how to or if it would do any good. I miss her and think about her a lot but maybe I just have to accept that this one has gone for good - ? Our mutual friend says 'leave it, it's irrecoverable'. It makes me v sad to think that. Feels a bit like a relationship break-up tbh.
All of the above, incompatible lifestyles, behaviours, etc. Mostly because she always ducks out of meeting up (once a year) and she does have a mobile but she won't give me her number (make up excuses why she hasn't got one eg. child put it in bin!!). I hate ringing her house because her husband is an arsehole and he knows I don't like him.
I have given up.
one of my closest friends found religion.....
she then proceeded to tell me that my children would spend the whole of eternity in limbo and not go to heaven because I would not have them Christened... she said this IN FRONT of my children... she is no longer in my life.
TBH, unless a friendship is based on mutual liking and respect, where there is equal give and take, and each friend feels valued and gains real pleasure from their relationship, shared history isn't enough to keep it going. Why should you persevere with something that clearly makes you miserable?
I think it's normal to shed a few friends over the course of your life as you and your circumstances and lifestyle change. Of course that doesn't stop the end of a friendship being sad.
Friend A - that was very traumatic. Though the final death blow was my fault more. I did something, partly because I was angry with her, partly because I thought I was doing the right thing! It was pretty drastic what I did, though I certainly didn't realise the full implications of it at the time, and was too drunk to think it through. I wrote a sorry letter and was very regretful to the point of being traumatised for years about it - but I knew there was no going back. It also managed to destroy my relationship with a whole group of friends in one foul swoop.
Friend B - She just had some narcissistic traits, so was very me-me-me. Also nosy and competitive, can't stand either of those traits, which seem to go together btw! In the end I felt I couldn't trust her. But we had some great times together and I seemed to be able to end the friendship with some dignity when I pulled away. She never asked me how I was, ever.
Friend C - I still like her actually, and I could have "kept in touch" with more effort. But she had bi-polar, and constantly talked about herself and her life, often manically. She never asked me how I was, ever.
Female friendships are often presented in a wholly positive way on TV and film. But sometimes they are difficult to navigate. I think we do need friends, but sometimes I wonder how much...
I think I have changed too, now, and value different kinds of friends/friendships.
Because I realised that I had been an extremely bad judge of character and the persons I considered to be my friends weren't actually who I thought they were and that they were taking the piss out of me.
Friend 1: Stopped talking to her after her drama of a wedding, in which she turned out to be a bridezilla of the highest degree, and I was expected to be her slave of a bridesmaid. I was not exactly a close friend before the wedding, but soon realised in the 2 years of planning of said wedding that she had no friends, hence me being asked. She was a complete cow throughout that 2 year period, and I ended up hating her and her wedding day. No contact from her to ask how I am since. If she did happen to text, I'd probably ignore it now. My real friends are in touch on and off all the time, and know what's going on in my life, and I in theirs.
Friend 2: Sent Christmas cards religiously for 10 years. Stopped 2 years ago when I realised she never returned. 2 years ago she started sending cards to me again. I have yet to restart.
She also expects me to want to hear all about her job with children like she's a martyr. No thanks. You choose to work with children, don't then moan about it!
She lied and lied and lied and had two DC by two different men neither of which are her DHs DC even tho she somehow convinced him they both were his and they must of been miracle babies as he can't have DC. got moody with me when I would not be her cover story for the meetings with these other and more men and much much more I stupidly put up with over the years.
My life is so much calmer and happy without her in it.
1. same reason as OP - she was great but her DS was...well it was getting embarrassing when out with them, the noise and tantrums.
2. another slightly more complicated and still hurts event hour I ended it:
I thought we were all friends though knew two were closer (fair enough) but then at times felt left out. I had texts ignored. So I decided I didn't want to stand in the little clique anymore. But also one of them had some incompatible views about the middle east (by DB was out there serving at the time and found it wholly insensitive). I really looked up to them and realised they weren't as good a friends to as I thought so I retreated. Now I can see they weren't right for me but I still feel hurt. One is particular is passive aggressive and manipulates others I think and it bugs me as I probably look like the one that over-reacted by leaving groups. I have never been direct about the issues.
Its telling that only one of them has bothered to ask me what was wrong but now doesn't speak out of loyalty to the manipulative one (I think anyway)
I have plenty other friends but the above situation has made me wary of getting into bitchy little cliques again.
Because she went off me when I told her I was pregnant, didn't send any condolences when a relative died or congrats when my baby was born, never invites me to anything and the last three times we've seen each other have been at my initiation. Plus she's very nosy and only seems to want to ask probing questions about my life when we catch up.
I am officially no longer speaking to her, but she doesn't know it yet (and may never know it seeing as she never calls me anyway, which is slightly annoying )
Arealdame that is a very good point re friendships on tv, also the type of friendship changes as you get older and if you have kids.
I now have friends who I may see once a week wths kids and DH's it is just general banter and having a laugh. I think I've realised as sociable as I am and like to chat I do not need someone there all the time discussing what were are having for tea everyday etc, or to go shopping with, its just not me.
I could almost say I have friends at arms length and lots of casual friends who I chat to at school, gym etc but they normally parents of DC activities.
Mine have often ended because of addiction, or casual drug use, that had an effect on the sort of person they were, judgements that they made, behaviour, etc.
I am in the process of cutting out two of my friends. They don't know it yet.
1. Friend no. 1 - Because our DC don't get along, she is mean to my DC, she is a major show off - always comparing phones, cars, cosmetics brands and because she just uses people and then discards them. I wonder why I have suffered her for so long.
2. Friend no. 2 - Because she is flaky, lies through her teeth and is a fair weather friend.
I ditched a mate because she never came to my house because of the breed of dog I have. She isn't scared of dogs, and me offering to shut the dog away wasn't enough apparently
I cut my best friend out of my life. I deleted her off facebook and blocked her. It really really hurt me to do it but my life is so much better without her. She told a mutal friend that she was very hurt I deleted her off facebook, mutal friend advised me to get in touch with her but I am not willing to step back onto that merry go round.
We met at work and clicked instantly. But she was in an abusive relationship, he cheated on her and used her and spent all her money but she wouldnt give him up. They split up countless times but he always won her round. He bought a house, she moved in and rented her house out, sold all her furniture then kicked her out leaving her homeless.
He was insanely jealous about her and discouraged her from having friends. And yet he cheated and lied to her constantly.
Final straw came when they had split up (again) and I was due to give birth. Friend was very excited about my baby and couldnt wait for my DD to be born, telling me about how she would be there when i got home from hospitial and would be Aunty X etc
But when DD was born she sent one text message then I found out she had got back with the ex and was planning on moving away with him.
I realised that all she ever wanted was someone to listen to her. I spent so many hours listening to her, helping her move, lending her money, giving advice, driving in the middle of the night to pick her up when he had kicked her out again. She couldnt spare 1 hour to see my new baby as she would rather be with him.
She was an emotional vampire and will move onto another victim. I just happend to stick around longer than most.
It is very interesting to go through this thread.
I thought there was something wrong with me! By cutting out these two friends, I am nearly sabotaging my social life.
But there is only so much power you can give to other people to make you miserable.
And after reading the experiences on this thread, I don't think I am doing such a wrong thing!
Because she kept coming up with disabilities for her dc that weren't true (attention seeking) and illnesses. Then started coming up with more elaborate lies - I had dtds then she was pg with dts too but lost one then had the other aborted due to severe disabilities. Sounds like I'm a right cow not supporting her but I did to start with until I heard the different stories she'd told everyone and the knowledge I have of dates and appointments re twin pg just didn't match her story. The sad thing is I think some of it may be true but I couldn't work out which bits.her dp is also violent in front of dc and ss are involved - didn't want DC round that.
If she came asking for help I would but I won't be doing the running.
Because I don't 'gel' with her DS . He is the same age as DD and I just don't get on with him. We were very close friends, but briefly. I think we both needed a friend at the time, we spent a lot of time together, felt better about our lives and then for some reason started to rub each other up the wrong way.
I firmly believe that some people come into your life for a reason and then leave again. I still care about her and I'm sure she cares for me, she is a lovely, beautiful and caring person. But our lives have just moved on.
Because she would not stop asking DH if he was terminally ill because he had lost a lot of weight. Then refused to believe him when he said he wasn't
as if it were any of her business anyway.
Because she constantly belittled me. Called me ugly, tried to burn me with a cigarette, threatened me with a broken bottle and told me that I deserved the violent relationship I was in because I was so pathetic.
It was only after I met my now husband that I realised how not friendly this behaviour was. She has recently been through a very nasty time and I was there, again, to pick up the pieces. That was ok, as I limited the time I spent with her carefully, then she suggested we hit the tiles "like olden times" I refused. She hit the roof.
All of my school friends as I realised that they were constantly doing things behind my back and never bothered with me, except when they wanted to. One in particular (my best friend) was a user. Spent years being friends then her dumping me when someone she thought was cooler came along then she would come running back later. I had some bad problems at school as well and another best friend let me spend 1 whole lesson crying, I was at the end of my tether and just ran out of the gates at the end of the lesson, I was actually going to throw myself in front of a car. When I did go back to school she said "I didn't think you were that bad"
I ditched them both when I went to uni but we have been back in touch but nothing has changed so I don't really bother now.
Friends from first job, I got ill and eventually had to give up work and stop going to social occasions. They were just pissed off at me, would come around when they had a problem but I wouldn't see them when they didn't. They were my bridesmaids as well. They also made me feel like an extra on my own hen night and was pissed off at me because I hadn't arranged transport for them to leave my wedding reception.
In the process of phasing some out now. One always arranges then cancels, one has been rude and is all very nice to my face but her actions say otherwise, another I am getting fed up with her oh so busy life and shes expecting me to be all happy when she can finally squeeze me in. Plus she keeps having a go at me about not being invited to stuff when she either is and forgot about the text or she wasn't invited because she isn't that close to the person who is doing the event. She is free to do things with her friends all the time though without including us, but it is not the same the other way around. I haven't got the energy for this shit. Plus my main group of friends are going off her as well and I can see their points.
Friend in previous post is also bugging me wrt our children. They started an activity together a few years ago but hers have changed places. My DS is flying and hers are really not, but she pointed out that if my DS had a natural ability for it, it would have shown itself by now (he is 5) and one instructor told her a year ago that out of the 3, one of hers was the strongest, well a year later says much differently, but she won't have it.
Also 1 of hers aggravates mine a lot to the point that mine would get antagonised by just being in the presence of hers. She would always make a point of saying how they are as bad as each other though.
When I mentioned that a friend of hers DS was purposely throwing a hard football onto my DS's head (he was a few years older) at a party (where she was suppose to be supervising this child), she just said "that's not like x, I'm surprised", then had to tell me about my DS and some boy having a but of a go about each other, that had nothing to do with anything and I was stood there at the time and hadn't seen anything so it could not have been anything bad.
Actually reading that together is putting me off her more and more.
Mostly because they couldn't be arsed to stay in contact after my divorce and then a really bad bereavement.
Because they are married and have children and I am divorced now and don't and so I "don't understand and have nothing in common with them" (these are the most annoying form of plastic twats who think everything is lovely and shiny and for them it is - but for a lot of people life is bloody difficult).
Because they are boring, thick as shit and irritate the hell out of me.
Hey ho. I'm a bitch.
I stopped talking to a friend after she and her husband tried it on with me at the same time!
I'd gone round to stop for a few days and they asked if I wanted to put a film on when the children had gone to bed.
They put on some dodgy German porn, sat either side of me on the sofa and proceeded to, well, um, you know... I think I just sat there for a few minutes wondering if I was imagining it!
She continued to phone me for ages afterwards and even resorted to contacting my mother to see if she knew why I wasn't answering my phone to her!!!
She saw her arse about the fact that I was getting married before her, and gave me completely lame I'm-washing-my-hair type excuses about why she couldn't attend my hen night or wedding. I was always the one to make contact so I just stopped doing it and waited for her to call, and she didn't ever bother to contact me.
Kept cancelling on me, often last minute. Sod that. I have lots of friends, don't need ones who make no effort.
Because she came into my workplace and caused a nuisance. Kept it up when I asked her to be quiet. Then grabbed something off a shelf and asked me why I didn't use my staff discount to buy it then resell on eBay. In front of the Head of Retail. Then denied she'd done anything wrong.
But I am so glad I no longer speak to her. She was really toxic, constantly ringing up to whinge about bugger all, particularly when I am trying to work at home. And asking for advice and doing the opposite.
Keeps asking everyone what she can do to make it up to me. But all the suggestions (flowers, drink at pub) seem to be incompatible with her meanness and pretending to be poor.
Because her husband is a convicted sex offender (child porn... a LOT of child porn).
all the girls I lived with at uni. Realistically, they weren't friendships that I would have chosen, and I wouldn't have chosen to live with them, but you had to have your contract signed by December, so have your housemates chosen by about October. I was really unwell with depression, it was a real achievement for me to manage to get out of bed. I had explained that I was unwell and getting treatment, and they had all said they would be there for me.Then they all stopped speaking to me entirely. I'd sit with them in the living room, and join in, and just be straight out blanked. That was in my third year. I lived with them in second year as well, and they just went out of their way to make a little clique within the house that I wasn't part of. Not having them in my life has made everything so much better, I'm so much happier.
I'm phasing user out of my life now, trying to.
We were part of a group of friends living abroad. She was always quite hard work, lots of drama, but I liked her, she made me laugh and we'd shared this great experience that was important to me. Eventually the group split up as people moved away or back home, but we stayed in touch. A few years ago, we all travelled back for a reunion when one of us got married in the same city we'd lived in. Lots of emails back and forth about how excited she was to see me, meet my new DP, etc. Saw her at the wedding, all was normal although she was a bit sulky and complained about the food...
Then I think a couple of days after the wedding a group of us went for dinner to one of our old haunts and she was absolutely vile, to everyone- the waiters, my DP, even my friend's lovely parents who were paying for our meal! She alternated between sulkily staring out of the window and replying "nothing, I'm fine, just fine" and heaving epic sighs when we asked her what was wrong, flouncing out to yell at a waiter that it was too hot/our table was crap/the food was taking too long/whatever, making nasty comments about just about everything (the wedding dress,how long the marriage would last, people's jobs, anything) or just glaring in silence. It was so so terrible and awkward.
As soon as we left the restaurant my DP asked me why on earth everyone had fluttered around her pandering to her ridiculous jealous tantrum and told me how mortified he was at her incredible rudeness to the waiting staff. I started to make excuses for her then about half way through realised he was right and couldn't believe how we had all just sat there and let her behave that way.
I haven't spoken to her since. I'm sure she hasn't noticed though so don't feel guilty!
Oh. My bff right from childhood because when I had DC I realised how much of a twunt he actually was/is. I think kids act as a great shit person filter tbh.
He's just really a bit simple. V.flakey and always leaving things to the very last minute so you'd be waiting around. Just had a lot of annoying habits. And once he promised to pay for me because growing up I paid for everything and then when it came to paying for drinks he looked at me open mouthed like where's your money? And he believes everything he hears, gullible. So if he watches youtube videos on conspiracy theories he will believe them all, even that we don't actually get a vote in parliament, they just pretend. Oh and apparently depression doesn't exist!
He also wouldn't meet me if I had my DC with me, just had 0% interest in them so I just gave up.
Because she and her DH are the most competitive parents I've ever met, and I don't want to compete....
Most recent friend- because she cannot cope without a man in her life. And after the third time in 6 months that she'd had to call the police to get rid of her latest bloke, I got to the point where I couldn't be bothered to go through it all. Every week she'd meet someone different and after 3 days is knowing them, she'd swear it was lobe and they'd be off looking at houses to rent. All would be well until she found them cheating, or they turned out to be arseholes, or drug users, or violent...
She seems to enjoy the drama. As terrible as it sounds, she seems quite happy to be in the centre of a shit storm and relishes the fuss and attention she gets from it. After many months of offering support it finally dawned on me that she doesn't want help or to change or to have a fresh start. She just wants an audience.
What's with the 'baby voice'? Another friend who I love did this, that's is the only annoying thing she has done. She said something like 'mummy, it's boring not to have toys when I'm eating'
My DS is 8 months old, I know it's best not to overstimulate him with toys when eating because he ends up eating very little
making a mess and sometimes he laughs when he has food in his mouth and then coughs (he is got a cold). But I don't feel like explaining all this to everyone, maybe I am starting too early, but for me, time to eat it's not the time to play with toys.
Grr. Hate baby ventriloquism
Because despite the fact I thought she was a great friend helping me through tough times I found out she told every man and his uncle all my problems and slagged me off in the meantime. She then tried denying it and pushing the blame to me so I said I wasn't prepared to be treated like that so ta ta.
Because the talking always came from me. I initiated everything. I prefer two way friendships, where there's give not all take.
Because I was there for all three of them when things were tough for them, but when I was ill they couldn't be bothered. And when I lost my job and career they never once stuck up for me and instead chose to support the person who had pushed me out. I cared deeply about all three of them, but it makes me realise how they really felt about me
We were best friends for 20+ years and I dropped everything to be with her when her DH unexpectedly died. Gave her years of sympathy during her very long and dramatic period of Victorian style mourning which everyone else thought was peculiar. Put up with her bitchy snobby family who looked down on me even though they came from equally humble origins.
Years later when she finally came out of mourning and met started a relationship with a new man, which is still ongoing after about 8 years, she never once introduced me to him! He is either so weird that I would laugh or she is ashamed of me. I favour the latter.
To cap it all I didn't get an invitation to either of her childrens' weddings. I had known them all their life and would love to have gone if only to the evening do's. I suppose I don't scrub up well enough.
Christmas and birthday cards only now.
Because they did not respond to a letter I sent her about sending me emails instead of phoning.
Phonecalls were difficult as my ASD dd could not cope with me talking on the phone and I was too tired to phone after she went to bed cos was up at 4 am with her.
1) Because she lied to the school that my DD was bullying her DD. Even the school told her where to go
2) because we've lost contact along the way
oh and the third one?
for getting into bed with my husband when they were both drunk and trying to seduce him.
He passed out and i caught her.
Coz I realised she never made any effort unless she wanted something from me. We still speak, iyswim, but I make very little effort now. She nattered my ear off a few months ago (she wanted a listener).
I suddenly stopped speaking to a neighbour after she encouraged her children to have a go at me.
Exactly same as you op
Good move, my dd is a sensible hard working pleasant girl, hers is a lovely girl still, however, she lies, steals, has broken and entered, got drunk, been to two secret parties with police turning up, smokes weed, calls her mum a cunt and is in constant trouble at school for rudeness.
Funny that, her mum was one of those who didn't believe in people other than her and dh telling her kids off, so absolutely no respect for authority
Because they tried their best to ruin my relationship with my DD, then age 14. Because they kept talking about me behind my back (only found out afterwards). Because they were the ones who had reported me to SS, with a load of lies. Because they kept telling me how much they did for me while always asking me for favours. .......................................I could go on, but that will do for now.
Because - out of the blue - she stopped trusting me and treating me like the bestie I was, and judged me by her own paranoid insecure standards, accusing me of something I would never do because I'm not that type of 'friend' and stubbornly refused to accept that she was being at all in the wrong.
Expecting me to take full responsibility and grovel for forgiveness (which I wouldn't)
Then tried to act like nothing had ever happened and 'pick up where we had left off' with no word of explanation or apology.
All this after I had stood by her through thick and thin. Straw that broke for me...
Heart. Broken. Cannot forgive.
Not very lighthearted but one friend I no longer speak to because she took, took and took from me until I had nothing left to give (although I partly blame myself for not putting boundaries in place).
Another friend I still speak to but we are not friends in any meaningful sense since I lent her some money I could ill afford to lose that she never bothered paying back (plus general shoddy treatment) - lesson learnt there!
I've never actively decided to stop talking to someone because of an argument or bad behaviour. I come from a very non-grudgy, scream and shout then make up in 10 mins type family. When me and DH had our first fight, he wouldn't talk to me or respond to calls or texts for days, regardless of my pestering. I thought that meant we were over.
But that's what his family is like. Now some of them are behaving so badly and causing poor DH so much stress and unhappiness, simply because of their own stupid pride and need to be 'right', that I can see why people cut contact. I'm tempted to say that, if they don't quit it by the time our first DC is born, then I'd rather we didn't see them. And I never thought I'd say that.
Because having supported her through a tough 12 months, now things are rosy I have been dropped and made to feel bottom of the pile. I don't give very easily emotionally but I treated her like I would a member of my family and I feel really hurt and let down. I haven't stopped talking to her but I will let the friendship drift. If she cared about me she might have some insight into how I am feeling and will make a bit more effort. I can't see that happening though.
I declined her PFB's first birthday party. It was 200 miles away, and I was preparing uni work on which my whole first year would be graded.
She blocked me on FB. And I finally realised the extent of her self-obsession.
She'd stayed with us, was utterly vile to my DH and pretty much left me looking after PFB while she talked on and on and on at me about breastfeeding. As DH and I can't have kids, it's not really something I need to know. She didn't ask questions, and was never really interested in my life.
Her PFB is a beautiful child who is welcome here any time. His mother, no.
I had some very bad flatmates at uni. Intense, clever, slightly damaged people who would take and take. They declared undying love for me while simultaneously slagging me off to anyone that would listen. I did some difficult things for the girl - she said her father had sexually abused her, so I used to lie to him when he called and say she was out. I also 'rescued' her from situations she was in with boyfriends -she would tell me to come and get her so she could avoid having sex with them and they would be annoyed with me, not her - she was complex! She had an eating disorder which resulted in her stealing my food to either binge or throw out. When I had a boyfriend they would tell other people details of our sex life - gleaned from listening at the door......
Despite being very well-heeled in comparison to me they screwed me out off a lot of money on bills and the lad stole a first edition book from me. As soon as I moved out I cut them out, despite the girl sobbing and telling me that I was "the only person that understood her".
I have chosen wisely since then and been very cautious about friends.
The only other friendship I have let die was a friend of long-standing became a teacher and slept with one of her 6th form students. I told her that I was never going to accept this "relationship" and therefore we parted ways.
I met a woman at toddler group and we became friends. However, her behaviour became increasingly strange as time went on. She bitched constantly about all my other friends and was very passive aggressive. In the end, she dropped me and it was a great relief. We did try to patch it up at one point, but it didn't work.
She hasn't spoken to me since 5 September 2008. I have no idea how why I remember the date as I never remember dates. I also remember her telephone number, despite being barely able to remember my own...
If she walks past me in the street, she just blanks me. Very odd lady.
Because when i shared a house with her in uni she used sleep with her friends' bfs, or bend down with no knickers on in her nightie in front of visiting male friends including one I was trying to get together with, and then she'd say 'oh X (chap I fancied) were you looking at my BUM?!'.
And she used to steal things from other people's houses including an old lady she used to sit with.
And she bossed everyone around and was completely selfish, like turning off the central heating in every room except her own.
And she implied to my mum that I was her lover by stroking my hair and whispering to me and commenting on my boobs.
And she used have sex really loudly with her bedroom door open and then come downstairs and giggle 'I hope you weren't listening'.
And she showed up at my grandfather's funeral even though she'd never met him, and then tut-tutted with disapproval at a private joke my brother and I made about him (he was a wife-beating alcoholic).
She was my bridesmaid over 20 years ago.
She was going to organise my Hen party.... she never got around to it...
She demanded expensive shoes ( wanted me to pay) I said no.
I made a hair appointment for both of us on the morning of the wedding, I drove her ( she didn't offer to drive me) she walked out of the salon, without offering to pay. ( that was ok) but she didn't tip or thank the hairdresser. My Dad was making cups of tea....she asked for champagne. my Mum was washing and cutting strawberries for the evening buffet, asked my friend to help she said no as it might damage her nails.
She got us a really odd gift, a pink glass dish.....weird!
She was really unpleasant the whole day, and was totally unsupportive.
I thought after the honeymoon she would perhaps call to see if we had a nice time, that was over 20 years ago, never seen her since.
Yes it is you.
Because she practically sucked the life out of us. A "professional victim" who'd NEVER do anything to help herself no matter how tactfully suggested, she took and took and took - but did she even contact me when OH was seriously ill and my mum died? Did she heck!!!
Because she was so self-absorbed that I couldn't take it anymore. The lady straw was causing a drama on my hen do, including calling me a fucking liar, because she wasn't the centre of attention. The absolute last straw was then doing something similar at my wedding and keeping the gift and card she bought us because it cost her £5 in postage - way too much apparently. That £5 was the value of our friendship to her, so she had to go.
Because every time I let her in my house she stole from me. I would (and will) give anything to anyone, but the stealing was a joke. When I finally told her I knew, she turned it on me and accused me of stealing
It was so laughable but I was really upset by it, I've never stolen anything
Because I spent 20 (formative) years being her friend during which time she would go for every man I was ever interested in because she could, she was conventionally better looking (stunningly attractive to be fair to her) and could never understand why after her ONS they would remain my friend and drop her like a tonne of bricks. She knew that I would never start a relationship with someone she had slept with.
Eventually she married and hen pecked her poor husband to within an inch of his life. Nothing was ever good enough and she consistently wanted to change him, everything had to be her way. In the end he snapped and left her (no children or other woman, he just fell out of love with her). I had been trying to warn her and trying to get her to look at her behaviour but she was a control freak who would refuse to see she was in the wrong in any way.
When he left she behaved appallingly, made up lies about him, lost him his job, her vengeful behaviours were so hateful, I wanted nothing to do with her (haven't spoken to her husband since either). I get that she was hurt but nothing justified the things she did (which I won't go into for fear of outing myself).
I started to withdraw contact with her as I just didn't want to be in her company any more, an old friend of ours noticed and met me for a coffee to talk it through, it was her comment "you know it's part and parcel of being friends with X that is all about her" that made me think, yes I do know that, and I no longer want it. That's was about 5 years ago and I've never regretted it.
1) Because she was always late for things. Always. But would get shitty if you wouldn't wait for her. Lots of other reasons but that was one of the final straws.
2) Because she started selling that Forever Living aloe vera crap and spammed me and everyone I knew with it. She got annoyed when I pointed out that her magic aloe vera deodorant really wan't the answer to lowering breast cancer rates.
Because she messaged me on fb a week before her wedding, implying that she wanted to start up an affair with me.
I had tried to distance myself subtly before. I stopped being subtle and told her never to contact me again.
Because she bumped a zombie thread
Goodness there are a lot of terrible 'ex-friends' out there!
First she was all 're me me.'
Then she made a habit of starting fights and running for help behind us.
Then she tried it on with several of my friends partners in front of them and me.
I was sticking by her because of her drink and drug issues but then she neglected and abused her cats, that did it.
I wish I knew.
She used to come round for coffee once a week and just stopped.
I sent a few texts and she said she said she was busy etc.
After a few unanswered texts and a last ditch attempt Xmas card I took the hint, but never found out what happened.
Because she says one thing to one person and another to someone else and manages to manipulate everyone around her. A huge hypocrite - can be down to earth, 'mockney', dolly bird, tiger mother, hard done by single mother, lefty, righty, air head or super feminist depending on her audience. Spreads venom wherever she goes and thinks anyone without children has no opinion.
She broke up a family with a young daughter years ago by having an affair with her now DH, but slates anyone who cheats.....but then stopped talking to me when I met my now DH because she had 'seen him first' and wanted to start and affair with him.
Acts like a lovestruck teenager in her mid forties with three children. She collected allies, not friends. So so glad when I stopped answering the calls and texts - then when I'd 'crossed' her the rumours about me started. Friends of hers I didn't even know were slating me online.
Anyway - karma is a bitch. I'm married to DH with one beautiful DC and life is delightfully drama free!
Because she was reporting back to XH everything and anything she could. Xh then used this info and twisted it to send threatening texts including " I'm watching you, you <what I had done that day> ". Haven't spoken to her since the day I found out how he was doing it, didn't even tell her why. If she's too thick to understand why I'm annoyed she's not worth my time explaining.
Only down side is she was the last friend that XH hadn't already chased away.
Because he threatened to do something awful to someone and I called the police, I betrayed him apparently
A very long term friend made it more and more clear that we were bottom of her list if priorities, her time was too previous to see us, she only invited us to her events to make up numbers and when she did grace us with her presence all she would talk about was how much money she and her husband were spending on this, that and the other and how successful they are. It got really boring and the friendship felt pointless and fake.
1. Said some very very horrible things to me at an extremely stressful point in my life. They joke about it even now. . 2. Perfect Parent friend. DC being monitored for possible autism adhd etc. Apparently DC is simply taking the piss with me...and the teachers and the SENs and SALT workers... <le sigh>.
Because she used to ignore DD as a toddler, (after initially enthusing about her as a baby, how pretty she was, etc.) even though she had an older DD of her own that I was very fond of. I thought maybe I was being too sensitive, so one evening when she came to visit me I kept a tally. Not one word addressed to or about 2 year old DD even though on a couple of occasions I put DD on my knee and started playing with her, thinking that would get her started. But nothing. OK, I know some people are not great with kids, but come on.
So I just let the friendship fizzle out after that. Strangely, she went on to have 2 more DCs with her new DP. I have never met them (but feel sorry for them). I think some people only like their own kids, (and not even them that much!), which I find weird.
I had wanted to break off the friendship for awhile because she was always slagging other people off, judging everyone, thought she was so superior.
Everything always had to be about her. My baby ds was very poorly with group which she knew and we weren't getting much sleep. She still text me at 12 at night about how to dry her washing in a flat she was thinking of renting which came with a built in tumble dryer.
The final straw was when she spent all night on her phone when we were out and didn't like it when I pointed put how rude she was.
Oh and she was a hypocrite a.
Another one that didn't bother to call after major facial surgery to to remove skin cancer.
Then visiting her in SA after two night stay where we bought all the food / wine and had a lovely time dumped our load of washing into a drawer to collect. Very odd.
I stopped talking to one of my best friends because she called my mum a bitch and said that I was mental because I suffer from seizures.
Because she was extremely rude to my dh to be during a difference in opinion at a dinner party and questioned why I was marrying him. This may have been forgiveable, but then when we spoke on the phone to resolve the issue instead of apologising she started regaling advice her mate who had never met either of us had given her telling me dh was obviously abusive. I didn't waste another day on the friendship and haven't looked back. I am however very happily married and I am confident if any of dh's friends treated me like that and didn't apologise he would do the same for me.
i realised my 'friends' caused me more suffering than joy and ditched the lot.
Because she started selling stuff and every conversation was trying to sell me something.
1/. Made a concerted & prolonged effort to get my DH to leave me for her & nearly managed it. I still drive past her house every day some 12 years later & if we bump into each other we look the other way. She blamed me for winning him over - well he was mine in the first place, she had her own DH & that was one fight I was going to win.
2/. Shallow, self-centred, always trying to turn any social gathering into a party-plan occasion for her cosmetics/supplements business, always going on about how workmen/builders/plumbers/whoever who came to the house would fancy her & there was all this sexual tension & then she ran off with the bloke doing her extension, leaving her husband & 2 daughters. Just can't be bothered with her now & tend to ignore her if I see her.
I had a friend from age 11, she got difficult during teenage years, developed eating disorder & suicidal tendancies, i stood by her & tried to help, pissed my parents off royally when we went to the same university& house share (they were hoping i'd finally be free of her once we both moved away), i can honestly say she spoiled many of the traditionally happy teenaged milestones & put blocks on potential boyfriend experiences by threatening suicide if i went out & left her in on her own. I eventually got myself a boyfriend i cared about and told her to back off when she got jealous, she got drunk and bit herself hard on the arm, threatened suicide again, i left the house, went to my boyfriend's house & never saw her again, 20 years ago now & i still have angry dreams about her now & again. She's an evangelical christian now with loadsa kids. One of my best friends is still in touch with her & gave her my email address, i got a couple of howsthings type emails about 2 years ago, then i offered to return her set of Anne of Green Gables which i somehow had in my possession, absolutely no response. Fuck her!
1. because she used the occasion of my best friend's funeral to introduce his boyfriend to his parents. We were 15. And she'd met my friend once. He wasn't gay, well he didn't really get the chance to find out tbh!
2. i was her daughter's nanny for a while. She got physically abusive out of the blue one day. I can only conclude that it was because I'd finally had enough of looking after her daughter all night while she went on drink and drug fuelled binges. I also suspect she was jealous as the dd had started preferring me - probably because I was the one who fed her, bathed her, cleaned her school uniform and read her a bed time story most nights. I still miss the child
and should have reported the mother to social services but was very young and naive
3. The one I'm most sad about. A friend who is slightly older than me and still single with no children. She desperately wants them, and would be an amazing mum, but she finds it very hard to be around me and my toddler. I'm still here for her but finding it difficult to let the friendship go; I really hope things get easier when ds is older and I can do things with her alone, and that she meets a lovely man to have a family with.
Because she did a drunken rant at me about how it wasn't fair I always got loads of male attention while she didn't. I was trying to calm her with some humour but she ducked behind me and kicked me in the arse with her pointy boots! So that was it, 20 years down the pan. She knew I'd been violently abused a lot as a child and had a non negotiable zero tolerance attitude.
Because I haven't heard from her once in the ten years since I phoned her to say my mum had died.
we were best friends for 17 years- I think she couldnt handle my grief.
Because they (couple) sent me a happy, smiley card photograph of their newborn baby while I was grieving the death of my baby daughter (she died in neonatal unit).
In hindsight I was probably in the angry stage of grief but I never could face them again.
Because she thought it was perfectly ok for her 10 year old to physically bully my six year old. The final straw was when her precious child deliberately spat across a table into my child's face - really disgusting and aggressive, but she thought that was ok! Haven't spoke to her since, nor will I.
I have read every single one of these! Interesting reading.
1) She set a vulnerable friend up with her dangerously psychotic brother who ended up abusing and raping this friend then she said felt her loyalties were torn between friend and brother. She had multiple affairs and told me she got so angry with her partner she would grab his face and hit him. She isolated me from other people in our office and undermined me. She used vulnerable service users for emotional support for herself and formed inappropriate friendships with them. When I confided in her that I would need to get pregnant using IUI, she joked and said 'hows the turkey baster going' She is an alcoholic. She works for a reputable national charity and is frankly dangerous and unstable and drove me to being emotionally ill with her manipulation and mind games. I am however, still pulled when she contacts me and feel some hope that she might just sort herself out one day.
She made a complaint to my then current employer that I had been talking out of turn and confidence about my job.All this happened at a mutal friends house - someone asked me how my job was and there was conversation about things in general - no names mentioned and no specifics.
We had been friends for years. I am a very forgiving person but this I could not forgive and totally cut her out of my life. I still to this day cannot understand why she did it.
Sadly lost two
First one had already picked a bridemasmaid dress for me, it was in the changing room and she tried it on after me and I heard her laughing to her mum that it made her look fat. I am sensitive I know, but I wouldn't mock someone like that
Second one was because of her negativity and narrowmindedness - she doesn't like anyone. Everyone is a bitch, she is racist, very old fashioned, competitive misery type. I tried explaining to her to see the good in people. When I had my baby, I asked could she wait a few days before visiting. She said all women are sore after a baby (fair enough - but I couldn't handle her whining while in pain and gpher sister had a baby and she was vulgar enough satin the baby was mad for the tit. I didn't want her gawping at me) anyway the las straw was her ringing my mother (who I have a difficult relationship with) gossipping about me.
I'm sad about these friendships but I am true to myself.
Because I realised she was completely self absorbed and got tired of her constant judgy comments about people who aren't as skinny and fit as she is.
And the really sneaky, sly remark about how she sold her treadmill to an Eastern European woman who had a two month old baby, "cos they, like, are back in size 8 jeans so quickly after kids", looking me up and down while I sat there, melon-boobs out feeding a newborn, feeling massively fat and frumpy.
She doesn't have any kids and hasn't a clue, really.
Pushy 'requests' for free, last minute childcare always do it for me I can now see when someone's trying to cultivate a friendship with me as part of their 'backup plan'.
I just no longer wished to be an extra in her latest drama.
She was a bit obsessive, liked to try and control me and my other friendships.
Because it was always 'me, me, me' and I finally figured out that I put a lot of energy into the relationship, but didn't get much in return.
The final straw was shortly before I was due to have dc1 (maybe the day before my edd), was exhausted, had spd, when she turned up at my house full of drama about her supposedly abusive bf. I sat up all night, talking, listening blah blah. The very next day they both popped round to announce their engagement!
I realised then that she lived for drama and that I didn't have the energy for it anymore.
She was also full of chat about being 'auntie' to my dc when born, she didn't visit me in hospital or for 3 weeks after he was born- my very best friend!
We had been friends since we were 12- I still feel sad about it, but I can't say I miss the relationship.
Because she left several abusive, threatening voicemail messages on my teenage son's phone accusing him (wrongly) of bullying her son.
That was bad enough, but in between leaving these nasty voicemails, she was having a very normal, friendly conversation with me by text. Literally, she'd be texting me, then she'd call my son & abuse him. It was just a relief that his phone was off.
The two-facedness of it was unbelievable, and my son was very shaken by the messages. He let me & DH listen to them & we were shocked. We seriously considered reporting it to the police, and we did inform the school.
My son hadn't been bullying hers at all, but he had chosen to distance himself from the other boy because of the mother's constant interference & unpleasant, devious manipulative behaviour which he was finding difficult to deal with. I won't go into details but it was weird stuff, most of which we didn't know about until later.
I'm normally a very quiet, easy going person & I didn't do anything about it for a week or two but silently stewed. Also, my son didn't want me to do anything.
Then one day I bumped into her & she said "Oh, hello Drama, how are you?" as if nothing had ever happened. I'm sure she thought my son wouldn't have told me what had gone on. In that moment I saw red, confronted her on it and told her exactly what I thought of her.
I haven't spoken to her since.
<<Thank you to whoever revived a zombie thread. It feels good to get that out! It's not something I've talked about IRL. I actually remember this thread from last year & I thought about posting then but didn't, so for once I'm quite glad somebody decided to revive a zombie. Phew.>>
Because I'm a bit of an idiot.
We met up, took a little bit of doing as she's married and moved, had a good time, then I said something she seemed to get angry about, we had a slightly fraught exchange, I backed down but felt a bit hurt. Was then worried about contacting her so put it off and put it off. It then seemed such a long time since we'd spoken that I assumed she'd been really upset about the remark. Eventually wrote her a letter saying I was worried she didn't want to see me any more. She rang and basically said don't be an idiot, it's not all about you - she's been phenomenally busy, I won't say how as it would out me but real stuff. i felt very relieved but am still a bit sensitive about ringing her as I bet her husband thinks I'm an idiot... and he's right... wish we still lived in the same house so i could sit on the stairs talking to her all morning again. I miss her. [resolves to ring for the 1,000th time]
She had a party when I had just found out I was pregnant, but not telling anyone yet (very early days). A girl I had just met at the party- her new friend and I got talking, (and never thought I would see her again) asked why I wasn't drinking and I just stupidly told her. I thought I suppose she would just say oh how nice, and then forget it since we hardly knew each other. This girl promptly told my 'friend' my news (knowing it wasn't out yet) but the friend reacted in such a way it was as if I had done it to hurt her. To the extent that she was slagging me off to my DH! I apologised at the time but it wasn't good enough. She would not let it go. She turned it into a horrible nasty thing. Then after months of not even discussing her overreaction she asks how I am... No apology, no nothing. I decided that was it. She's still welcome to say sorry for treating me so harshly over an error of judgement but frankly I am glad I know where I stand with her and happy to leave the friendship behind.
My "friend" was always quick to put me down, snarky comments like I'm looking tired, or too skinny. We were at uni together and she and I studied together sometimes and I helped her (she asked me) with some things she didn't get. She then kept quiet about things her tutor told her that would have helped me out!
On a night out with her sister and their mutual friend, her sister was getting an early train so we walked her to the station - which was right around the corner (not that I object to this) and waited with her. But when they wanted to go clubbing and I didn't, I was getting bus home and they just said goodbye and headed off to the club. I then had to walk 10 mins to bus stop alone and wait for bus while they got taxi to club.
I stopped talking to a friend when she made passes at my boyfriend with me present to annoy me. Also, she'd get in those little stinging barbs and I'd think I don't treat My friends like that. Also someone that was more than happy to receive but never liked to give.
The end was when she referred me to a job because it was 'beneath' her and I took it, but then she was let go from her job and told me my job should have been hers. I didn't speak to her after hat in spite of her apologies of having offended me 'for some reason'. If someone can't even tell you what they are apologizing for they are just hopeless.
The second friend stopped speaking to Me when she made a really snarky comment and I went ballistic and named everything that bothered me about her for the past ten years.
She was another taker who lived in a chronic pigsty but had no problems with her friends cleaning her house (would have taken my entire weekend with a team of people) because she wS adopting a baby and her other friend implored my help.
I refused because I had been through this before with this friend, and the house was a pigsty just a few weeks later. Sorry, I don't have that kind of time. The friend wasn't even going to help, they were going to send her shopping or something. I'm a friend not a maid!
After I went ballistic (my fault) she refused to ever speak to me again so 10 years down the tube too. I am the godmother of her child but honestly I'm not sure I'd take her back after all this time. If you can't speak to someone to apologize there is no hope in that either but makes you wonder why you'd want them back too.
She flirted with my boyfriends, tried to get our mutual friends to stop speaking to me so I'd only have her for company and she lied and bitched about everybody. She also sent me begging letters saying how much she needed me.
When someone eventually pulled her up on a lie she denied everything and looked round at us all for backup and we all just looked back at her. She ran off and none of us spoke to her again.
Because I did everything I could when her Mum died, and felt that 2 yrs later when my parents split up and my DM was hospitalised with depression it was all still about her.
But we were young, and I now think 2 yrs is no time really in terms of grief, and I was more wrong than her. It's one of the things I still feel bad about. I did write and say sorry some time later, and she wrote a nice letter back, but we never came back from it.
After suffering a miscarriage, she turned round and told me 'it wasn't a miscarriage, you had a late period'. Told a lot of other people this as well. Bitched about my subsequent successful pregnancy to everyone (often while I was in earahot), accused me of skiving off when I'd spent a week in high dependency with a urine infection which developed in to septicemia and nearly resulted in delivering my baby at 5.5 months. Judged me constantly on my relationship with dh, but married her fella knowing he was desperate for kids and she wouldn't even consider having them. Got a promotion and was suddenly too good to bother with me. Though when we were both job hunting last year, she didn't get the same opportunities sent to her as I did, due to her lack of qualifications - I did, rather nastily, enjoy that, because of her previous smugness.
She wants to meet up again - I don't have space in my life for someone so toxic.
Because her husband said I'd asked him to sleep with me (totally outlandish story to go along with it) and she confronted me and said that if I denied it and she believed me, that meant their marriage was over. I denied it naturally and my dh called him and asked if he could just admit he might have made a mistake (misheard), but he then tried to convince my dh that it was true!
It was really fucked up and led to my loss of a friendship group - her 2 sisters (who I sensed both believed me) said they had to go with family loyalties, even though their BIL was seriously deluded and arrogant. I heard later on from someone else that she was paranoid because she suspected that he was unfaithful to her and I was a 'smokescreen' excuse on his part. I now know someone who shares work premises with him and he has tried to sleep with her.
I still wish I could write to her or him and tell them what I think of how they treated me. WIBU?! It was so outlandish but had horrible repercussions. Thankfully my dh also found the whole thing ludicrous. If he hadn't I hate to think of the further damage that might have been done just from one person's ruthlessness and lies.
My BF of 30 years (proper best mate, grew up together v close etc) asked me to go over and chat to her and her DH about C sections as I had one. This was on the Saturday and she was going in on the Monday to have her first baby.
I drove a 60 mile trip, had a lovely afternoon chatting and getting excited about her baby. Bid farewell they said they would let me know the good news of the arrival as soon as.
Monday came and went. Tuesday came and went. By Wednesday I strated to get a little concerned something had happened as I had not heard anything. I had a Layette on order from M&S/John Lewis and just had to call to say if I wanted it on blue or pink. I tried calling her and her home and even got my mum to dog out her mums phone number but could not get hold of anyone. No one returned my messages.
I did think - rationally initially - oh ok new baby, I am not family thats cool, bet they dont know what day of the week it is, sleep deprived etc etc but by the Friday I was frankly worried sick. I could not understand why they had not been in touch - even by text.
The following week I was in her town so dropped by the house - no one in.
3 weeks later she called me to day Hi and moan about sleepless nights whilst she was sat in her local pub with a local friend, on only her second night out since "Baby" had been born. It was the oddest convo ever. She chatted like all was normal and right. I had to ask what sex the baby was and she seemed confused I didnt know. She told me a girl and the name then said she had to go.
It was bizarre. We did get on again and I asked her outright a few months later why none of my calls/texts were returned etc - from her home or mobile and she says she never got them. I must have been texting someone else . Never did get a straight answer.
Reading inbetween the lines I think it may have been her DH. I have never properly clicked with him. I have always found him slightly arrogant. If you have something he has a better bigger one, if you have been somewhwere then he has been there twice - that kind. I moved hundreds of miles away the same summer my BF met him and although when I moved back 30 odd miles away 3 years later (when they wed) I dont think he ever has realised how close we were or didnt like me very much either.
So I decided to forgive and forget and move on.
2 years later, she was pregnant again. I was in regular touch with her and all excited and pleased for her. Again chatteed on the phone 2 days before she was going on to have baby and I joked that I didnt want to be worried this time and text when they had time would be appreciated. The exact same thing happend. Complete silence. I had again to phone and ask for 2 weeks or so if all was OK etc. Again no response to txts or messages. I wasnt expecting a card or personal phonecall. Just a text at some point in the days after baby was born. But nothing. I waited 4 days before calling and leaving a polite messagas didnt want to piss them off. Iknow that day 4 or 5 is usually coming home day for CS mums and the last thing you want to do in natter when you first get home so didnt even expect a call - a txt perhaps the next few days was all I wanted.
I found out she had another girl 3 weeks later through my mum who had bumped into her mum in town.
I was really hurt. I cannot see how you can so close to someone for 30 years and although distance kept us apart we chatted at least 2 x per week on phone and text most days to not get anything at such an important time of their life.
After the second time I just distanced myself. If her DH had issues with me then I wasnt going to cause shit in her marriage for her. If it was her - then she didnt come clean as to why after the first time not the intervening years between her 1st and 2nd baby.
Its very sad because its now been 7 or 8 years and I do miss her.
But still... Becausee she can see no wrong in her children, but will point out any misdemenour of mine and other people's. She tried to come between me and closer friend. I don't trust her.
Because after years of doing everything for her I realised she was using me and my husband when she greeted me with 'Mr.Theyda not here? I guess we don't have the car then, I needed to go shopping' That was when I looked back and realised every meeting had been driving her somewhere she needed to be.
Because she lied all the time and was very needy.
She lied to me about what my boss was asking her about - she was the department's secretary.
As a result, I told my boss I'd been sexually abused as a child.....this cost me my full-time job, and I've not had one since.
She then told me that I was upset and seeing a counsellor because I didn't want children. I wasn't bothered about having children at the time, and she wouldn't accept my feelings were correct. She knew best.....
Because she cut me dead when another "friend" told her I wasn't chuffed about her new bf.
Oh and she tried to shag every dh in our circle. That would do it.
Because she wouldn't drive the extra 2 minutes down the road from the house she was visiting to see my new born baby. She was too busy.
She never did come to visit my baby. Her loss.
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