to not be excited by a suprise holiday

(53 Posts)
WeWishYouAMerryNameChange Mon 17-Jun-13 20:10:57

My 'd'p has suprised us with a family holiday of a week in Madeira. How lovely, however it is in 9 weeks, I don't have a passport (it's run out), the dogs jabs are not up to date, I can't find anywhere where I can kennel her when her jabs ARE up to date, it corresponds with a week where my employer has managed to set up some training for us all to do, which I have been asking for in my appraisals for the last 3 years for (it's quite a specialist course, very expensive, everyone is doing at once, if I miss it, I won't get to do it).

But the final straw was, it's with his parents (who are generally lovely in a elderly, don't start talking about immigration to them way) and who have been nagging him to tell me that we are all going on holiday together since before Christmas.

His reasoning for why he didn't tell me before Christmas was because he didn't want me to get stressed! ARGHHHH! So now I have to get my passport renewed REALLY quickly (that'll be because the flight booking need my passport number 3 weeks before we fly), get the dogs to the vets, ring round kennels (and visit them, poor dog has never been kennelled before, think this is stressing me out more than anything!) and I am going to miss out on some amazing training.

Ahhhhhh that feels better

fuzzywuzzy Mon 17-Jun-13 20:13:42

Don't go, is that an option?

roundtable Mon 17-Jun-13 20:16:19

Why can't he take care of the dogs?

Passport wise, book an appointment with the passport office if you're worried or do a fast track/checking service with the post office.

Lastly, enjoy your holiday! smile

WeWishYouAMerryNameChange Mon 17-Jun-13 20:16:24

It's looking possible fuzzy, just lose the money on the flights, which we can ill afford to do sad

NatashaBee Mon 17-Jun-13 20:18:34

I'd be fuming if he'd had it booked since Christmas and forgotten to mention it to me. Not sure I'd want to go after that!

lessonsintightropes Mon 17-Jun-13 20:18:59

YANBU. However, Madeira is lovely, and it's possible to sort out a passport, jabs and kennels in the time you have. More worrying is the presence of the PILs and the training. Have you discussed it with your boss? Is it likely to harm your prospects at work to miss something you've requested a number of times? If so might be better to suck up the cost of date changes (for yourselves), leaving PIL to have a nice holiday in Madeira - which you can also enjoy at a later date smile

fuzzywuzzy Mon 17-Jun-13 20:19:08

You'll save a bit of money on the passport, I'd be loathe to miss the trianing, you'll be back everyone will have had the training except you.

Could you ask work if the training can be postponed for you?

And as roundtable suggests get you DP to sort out dog.

OddBoots Mon 17-Jun-13 20:19:14

He can go, you stay home. Yes, it's a waste of money but it sounds like going would cost more (passport and kennel) and it sounds like this training is key.

BridgetBidet Mon 17-Jun-13 20:20:36

Hmmmmmm, bearing in mind your reaction do you think he might have had a slight point?

NomDeOrdinateur Mon 17-Jun-13 20:23:13

I'd arrange to defer the holiday for your immediate family only, or stay home.

It will look terrible if you opt out of a one-off training opportunity that you've been requesting for three years in order to go on holiday, and it will place you at a disadvantage compared to your colleagues.

I'm amazed that your DH considered it acceptable to commit an amount of money that you can ill afford to lose to a holiday without consulting you, especially when you work!

How could he book a holiday without checking if you could have the time off work?

NomDeOrdinateur Mon 17-Jun-13 20:24:21

Also - your PIL can't reasonably take exception to the change in plans, considering that they should have told you when your DH refused to do so.

NeverBeenToMe Mon 17-Jun-13 20:24:58

I went to Madeira for my honeymoon. Never again.

Lots of hills, hope your in-laws are sprightly!

5Foot5 Mon 17-Jun-13 20:25:35

BridgetBidet You got there before me!

Nine weeks really does sound like enough time to sort this out. The course might be a bit of a blow but maybe some arrangement can be made e.g. access to the course notes of others when you get back.

Shakey1500 Mon 17-Jun-13 20:27:20

I second him going and you staying home to do the training/dogs etc. Nice sentiment but he hasn't thought it through though has he?

DiscoDonkey Mon 17-Jun-13 20:29:36

I think you could get the passport pushed through in time. How about a dog sitter who will stay at your home rather than kennels? (Haven't had a holiday in a long time so would move heaven and earth personally!!)

Aniseeda Mon 17-Jun-13 20:36:24

How long is the holiday? Can you do the training then fly out to join the rest of them?

I wouldn't be happy about this. I wouldn't like being effectively told where and when I was going on holiday and be supposed not to complain because it's dressed up as a surprise treat.

Did he not tell you because he knew you wouldn't want to go with his parents?

My job only lets a certain number of people be away at any one time so this would not work at all here.

ihearsounds Mon 17-Jun-13 20:39:41

Would you even be able to get AL?

I wouldn't go. I wouldn't enjoy it, because I would be pissed at missing training. I know when I came back they would still be talking about the training, and I would doubt that any future requests for training would be considered.

ChippingInWiredOnCoffee Mon 17-Jun-13 20:40:49

Do you have 'shared' money or 'his & hers' money?

If you have 'shared' money then I think it's bang out of order him spending that amount of money & springing this on you.

Either way - him booking it & not checking you could get the leave is ridiculous.

Booking you up to 'holiday' hmm with his parents - shooting offence in my book.

As for the dogs - do you have a friend who could come and house/dog sit?

He's an idiot.

WeWishYouAMerryNameChange Mon 17-Jun-13 20:41:31

My reaction, if he had told me before Christmas would have been 'oh how lovely, what a wonderful idea, I will get a passport renewal form sorted, book an appointment for the vets and start looking round at kennels'

Now however it is ARGH! Yes I have time to sort it, but I don't want to have to do it last minute, it makes me anxious, so instead of looking forward to a lovely holiday I am now dreading it.

I am on holiday from work (it is a term time based job) and the training is being held in the school holidays as this is the only available time the trainers can come and do it. It is being held on one of the training days so there is no possiblity of it being re-arranged. No it won't hinder my career (i don't really have a career), but it is however something that I have requested as progression for a few years now and it is something that the school has decided would be invaluable for all staff to learn the skill (very vague I know, don't really want to out myself)

I have rang a couple of kennels (which have been recommended to me) but they have no space - apparently people tend to book kennel spaces when they book their holidays BEFORE CHRISTMAS! So now I am madly trying to ring round places, which I will want to view as I don't want my dog spending a week somewhere she would be really unhappy in.

I suspect I will have to suck up the cost of my ticket and send DP and DD off for a week in the sun, though the thought of a week at home all by myself is sounding more and more tempting

whistleahappytune Mon 17-Jun-13 20:49:16

YANBU. I think the training is pretty unmissable and will affect your current employment and future career. Access to course notes is meaningless. If there's any way you can do the course, miss half the holiday and then meet them, then that would be the compromise I'd go for.

For the rest, I think the dogs and passport stuff is sortable within the time frame.

What a daft DH not to have consulted you!

Boosterseat Mon 17-Jun-13 20:49:35

Agree with oddboots

Having the house to myself for a week with the dog grin amazing

HighInterestRat Mon 17-Jun-13 20:51:14

You can get your passport back in three weeks at the moment if you do check and send at a post office.

The dog is inconvenient but yabu because I would love a holiday right now. I haven't been anywhere for four years due to babies and a workaholic DH who would never think to surprise me like that. I'm jealous. envy grin

Xmasbaby11 Mon 17-Jun-13 20:56:41

If you 'don't really have a career' , that implies you don't consider it very important (I may be misreading that). I think you're mostly annoyed with DH for being so thoughtless. A one-day training course is very short to give up a week's holiday for, and surely someone can 'cascade' the info to you.

Unless you genuinely think you wouldn't enjoy it, I would go.

I would ask DH to sort the kennels. Passport can be done in a matter of days if you pay a bit extra. It sounds doable to me.

Re the dog, where about's are you? I look after dogs, they come to stay

SybilRamkin Mon 17-Jun-13 21:00:12

YANBU, and he should be the one to ring round all the kennels since it's his lack of consideration that's caused this problem in the first place.

I just wouldn't go. In particular, I would refuse to miss the training. Your DP has fucked up big-time here (but will hopefully learn from his mistake).

HappyAsASandboy Mon 17-Jun-13 21:00:54

Staying at home with the dog and the training will be a lovely holiday ;) You won't 'lose' money as that money is already spent whether you go or not - you'll save money on the passport and kennel bills smile

And you shod award yourself the same spending money for the week as DH gets - take away, day at the spa (when not training!), haircut .... I think you'll be more rested after your home-holiday than a Madeira holiday with DH, DD and inlaws ...

edam Mon 17-Jun-13 21:04:11

Wow, that's really thoughtless of him. I'd be fuming. And tempted to say sod it, and stay at home and do the flipping training. Might be quite nice to have a week by yourself, without kids to look after and well-meaning but ruddy irritating (on this topic) dp?

SodaStreamy Mon 17-Jun-13 21:05:23

In respect of the training is it possible to 'be present' via a video call (if you have conferencing equipement or live web cam?

Branleuse Mon 17-Jun-13 21:09:17

youve got 9 weeks to sort out a passport and the dog. Itll be fine. Thats loads of time.
Cant someone just loook after your dog for you? Its only a week.

WeleaseWodger Mon 17-Jun-13 21:13:21

Unless you're in a really high end hotel, meh. Full of hills, elderly, and cruise ship stop overs. We went because it was one of few warm spots that time of year and not a long haul. If you rent a car and you're not retired , it can be very lovely - scenery, interior rainforests, beaches, sail trips. But many things not really for the elderly. Find out if you get to do things separately or will be expected to do group things with in laws

HotCrossPun Mon 17-Jun-13 21:16:07

Send away your passport through the post.

£72.50 and it will be back within 3-4 weeks.

PavlovtheCat Mon 17-Jun-13 21:16:36

Oh stop being so bloody miserable and get n and sorry your shit out to go, this training would have been in that week whenever you found out right? And you say you get n with your inlaws. And passport is simple to sort. Only issue is your dogs, which you have got weeks to sort. If You Wanted To.

Do family holidays come along often then? To be able to just be like 'ooh some time alone!'

Stop being so miserable and annoyed at not being in control.

Pavlov, part of the pleasure of a holiday is the planning and the anticipation, both of which have been denied to the OP. IMO this trip to Madeira is less a holiday and more an interruption. It's a long journey to a place she didn't choose to go (and might not have wanted to go to), with people she didn't choose to go with, at a time that is inconvenient, and at such short notice that she is unable to make the arrangements for her dogs that she would have made had her DP just behaved normally and made the plans jointly with the OP. Surprises are a pain in the arse IMO.

maddy68 Mon 17-Jun-13 21:38:36

You do sound rather stressy. No wonder he didn't tell you. You have loads of time. My passport renewal took 3 weeks to come through. You can fast track it anyway.
As for the dog. In our vets there are loads of dog sitters on the notice board rather than kennels so prob font even need jabs. But get them find tomorrow. You have enough time to get the jabs done.
I wish my oh would Do surprises like this. Everything with mine has to be planned in advance. I like surprises and spontaneity.
I really don't know why you are stressing you have loads of time. Looks to me like your looking for excuses to complain to me grin

LumpInTheCustard Mon 17-Jun-13 21:41:03

What an inconsiderate idiot he has been with his stupid surprise holiday. I wouldn't be happy with this either, and would opt (quite happily) to stay at home, do the training, and wallow in some lovely peaceful me-time rather than spending weeks stressing trying to find someone I trusted to care for the dog.

It really won't be an easy job, I remember as a kid that my dad used to book the kennels for next summer as we returned from our holiday to pick up the dog! And I'm sure lots of people do the same, so all the decent kennels and sitters will most likely be booked solid already (and if you're going to try to find somewhere make him do the bloody phoning and sort out his own mess).

And Madeira is a bit shit anyway IMO grin

PavlovtheCat Mon 17-Jun-13 21:44:10

Life is really a bitch for the OP if this type of surprise is enough to cause a rift in the family (you don't think it would?) wheryouleftit. Life has a funny way of chucking surprises at you, and normally, they aren't nice ones! Get a Grip is what I say to the OP.

PavlovtheCat Mon 17-Jun-13 21:46:10

part of the pleasure of a holiday is the planning and the anticipation, both of which have been denied to the OP and you can deny me the planning and waaaaiting any time. Just give me the tickets thanks. If all I have to do is jabs, dogs, passport, bring it on! I find the trawling for locations so dull. I just want to be there, thanks.

How's about I go? I like hills...

FriskyHenderson Mon 17-Jun-13 21:58:08

In this case I think work is more important. You can't get the dog sorted and with the cost of new passport vs flights, sheesh don't go! And as for keeping it "secret" and his parents going leave him to it.

claraschu Mon 17-Jun-13 22:12:44

I think you just don't want to hang out with your in-laws.

9 weeks is AGES, and you can find someone to look after the dog. The passport is very easy. I always get caught renewing them at the last minute (as in really last minute).

What is the one day course? Nothing too complex as it is only for one day. You can probably do it at another venue if you really want to.

These things are all excuses in my opinion; you just don't want to go, so be honest to yourself.

Lasvegas Mon 17-Jun-13 22:29:40

My DH has recently done the same thing. I work full time as does he. My work diary is filled 3 months in advance and I manage a team. his motive was that he wanted to go that particular week and i did not want to go that week. so he has booked it as a surprise and paid for it all. but i have had to take unpaid annual leave which means in effect i have paid for my self anyway.

jessjessjess Mon 17-Jun-13 23:41:46

YANBU. I would be fuming. I would want to be consulted before booking, and would not go.

ThisIsMummyPig Mon 17-Jun-13 23:53:50

I love being at home with DH and the kids. I'm not a big fan of sitting on planes trains and automobiles with them. I could quite happily not go on holiday for years.

However, the only issue here is the course. Your DH can do the dogs. The passport you can sort in your lunch hour one day.

Can you ask a colleague to put forward any specific issues/concerns that you have related to the course so that you have the answer to whatever it was that is bothering you. I know that's not the same as being there, but I think you have to think of a way round it.

zipzap Tue 18-Jun-13 00:17:20

I would be furious if dh did this. what would he have done if you'd booked a surprise holiday away for the family with your parents and it happened to co-incide with the holiday he'd booked or a really busy time at work for him? he wouldn't be happy, don't see why he expects you to be happy either.

It would also worry me that he thinks that he knows me well enough to do this and that I would be happy when actually he has managed to make a bad situation worse by deliberately hiding the fact that he'd booked the holiday from you until now even though he's known for ages.

Just out of interest - if you were spending that sort of money on a holiday, where would you have liked to have gone? Is madeira somewhere that you would have chosen or would you have said no, would prefer to go to Italy/Spain/France/Cornwall/the Moon/wherever. I think you have to tell him that he's chosen a bad destination for you if that is the case. Do you think the PIL wanted to go there - seems to be a granny destination - and that's why he chose it?

I just wouldn't bother to get my passport updated and then I wouldn't be able to go. I'd also try to cancel my bit asap and leave him to go on holiday with PIL and dc, enjoy my training and a week at home alone.

And if I did do that - then I wouldn't have been the one that wasted the money. DH is the one that wasted the money by booking a holiday on a day that you can't go. I'm guessing that if you are at a school like the ones that my dc go to, the teacher training days are published when the school terms are published and are normal at work days for the staff. So if he'd bothered to check what your dates were (even if he rang the office and asked them to keep it a secret) then he'd have known that that week was out of the question for you anyway due to the training day.

If it was a training day that I really wasn't bothered about or interested in, then maybe I'd think I'd try talking to the head teacher and explain what my idiot of a husband had done. But for something that I'd been asking for, for years, and for it to have been arranged on a one off day or miss it forever, then I would stay for it and not feel in the slightest bit guilty. I'd also say that we should have a proper family holiday when I was free to go. (even if I knew we couldn't afford it and wouldn't actually do anything about booking it but would make dh feel guilty).

And I make sure that he knew that there is absolutely no way that he should ever do this again and that next year, you get to chose where you want to go and that you will be taking your parents with you. (even if you are not planning to, but just so he gets to feel the eeehhhh moment of why do I want to spend my hard earned holiday with PIL? and thus realise what you felt).

ThirdTimesABrokenFanjo Tue 18-Jun-13 01:32:07

Ooh a surprise holiday with his parents.

It wasn't a surprise, he didnt want to ask. It was an ambush

ThirdTimesABrokenFanjo Tue 18-Jun-13 01:37:01

^mmmmmm, bearing in mind your reaction do you think he might
have had a slight point?^

BridgetBidet, only if the point was "I know you will be stressed so I will gve you less time and then still make you do all the work so you can go on a holiday with my parents that you don't even want to go on"

I'm an adult I plan my own holidays, maybe a weekend away before kids if I was definitely not working. But this. I'd be furious

OddBoots Tue 18-Jun-13 06:49:08

If he genuinely wanted to reduce the stress for the OP he would have sorted the dog long ago, booked a place that the OP had said she'd like to go and depending on their relationships probably would not have invited his parents.

Billwoody Tue 18-Jun-13 07:19:14

Re the dog, look up a franchise company called barking mad - dogs stay in people's homes. It's not cheap but is great for dogs that have never been to kennels before.

Doubtfuldaphne Tue 18-Jun-13 07:27:08

This is why I think surprise holidays are such a bad idea..

Trifle Tue 18-Jun-13 07:31:49

Madeira is really not the place to go with elderly people. I hope for your sake they are steady on their feet otherwise you'll spend the whole time escorting them up and down the millions of steps.

NoobyNoob Tue 18-Jun-13 10:23:22

YABU - What a lovely gesture, TBH I think you're making a mountain out of a mole hill.

Accept the holiday, enjoy it and appreciate that you have a DH that would do that for you.

junkfoodaddict Thu 01-Aug-13 22:16:45

Just found this WeWishYouAMerrynameChange when doing a search for useful advice when going to Madeira with a lunatic toddler!

Just out of interest, when are you going? We're going out on the 12th August (our 8th visit) and would really reccommend the island for peace and relaxation. Also plenty of young families there too as pools and hotel facilities keep kids amused.

Did you manage to get your passport sorted and dog kennel found?

Join the discussion

Join the discussion

Registering is free, easy, and means you can join in the discussion, get discounts, win prizes and lots more.

Register now