To tell DH to fetch it himself?

(168 Posts)
GooseyLoosey Mon 17-Jun-13 10:38:57

Bit of background - DH likes bikes. Not like a normal person might but in the way that a train spotter likes trains. This has caused some tension over the years but I try to rise above it. DH has over 20 bikes in various states of partial dismemberment. He yearns to buy more "vintage bikes" (aka rubbish) all of the time and spends hours looking at pictures on e-bay. It is quite sad really.

Yesterday he runs into the kitchen telling me he had found a bike with the perfect 1950s cranks on that he had been looking for for months. His for a mere hundred and something pounds, but not to worry because there were bits on it he did not want that he could sell for twice that. He has never sold one single bike bit despite saying something similar each time he buys one. I tell him he knows my feelings about bikes and what our finances are like but he is an adult and I am not going to stop him spending the money he earns. Two minutes later he comes into the kitchen, the proud owner of yet another bike. I grimmace.

He comes to give me a hug and is very lovey. I think this is because he has bought the bloody thing and is trying to win me over. But no, there is more to it. Turns out the bike is collection only from London. We live over a hundred miles from London. However, I work there. He wants me to collect it from a suburb it will take about 40 minutes to get to after work and then somehow I have to get it back to the mainline train station and then in my car at the other end. I told him to get his own fecking bike.

His reply to me was that I was being totally unreasonable and he bet that if he was on something like mumsnet and asked everyone would agree, so I told him I would ask. If you lot tell me IABU, I will go and get the damn thing. If not, he is on his own. So, am I?

diddl Mon 17-Jun-13 10:42:10

I think that he should get the train ther & cycle back home tbh.

diddl Mon 17-Jun-13 10:42:57

But seriously-why can't he fetch it?

Morgause Mon 17-Jun-13 10:43:19

You are being very reasonable.

He should get a life it himself.

gamerchick Mon 17-Jun-13 10:43:25

Tell him to get it himself. Or it could snowball. If you've done it once......

onetiredmummy Mon 17-Jun-13 10:44:23

Its his, he can go & get it!


If he wants to buy then he can sort out how to pick it up.

I wouldn't to travel and additional 40mins (is this one way or is 40min both ways) at rush hour after a long day at work for any one no matter how much I loved then especially for some more rubbish to sit in house.

OddSockMonster Mon 17-Jun-13 10:46:55

I would do a deal with him, that you'll get it if he sells off half his current collection, and then for any bike / part he buys after that, he has to sell the equivalent to make space for it.

MaxPepsi Mon 17-Jun-13 10:47:14

Hmm, if it was for something important to you all, a one off, or something easyish to transport I'd say YABU.

However, it's none of those things so YANBU!

squeakytoy Mon 17-Jun-13 10:47:15

tell him he can get a lift with you to the station, potter about in london while you work, then go and get the bike, and meet you back at the station to come home with you..

failing that, tell him to arrange a courier

Yanbu, it could be in a dire condition like all the others you have mentioned meaning that you are left lobbing a wreckage all the way to your carshock. So for that reason i say he should go & retrieve it himself!

GooseyLoosey Mon 17-Jun-13 10:48:10

It's 40 minutes one way. Would then have to ride didgy 60 year old bike back to the mainline train station. He of course can't get it as he is busy and it would take him at least an hour and a half each way to get it.

I think I may have mentioned the notion of getting a life.

Keep the responses coming. I am going to send him the link to this (providing of course none of you think he is being reasonable).

Yes tell him to fetch it himself!

He expects you to have to do all the legwork, sod that for a game of soldiers.

hardbeingme Mon 17-Jun-13 10:48:43


and he knows it or he would have asked you about the collection before bidding.

travelling across london at rush hour, with a bike when you don't have to is only for the devoted mad

ParadiseChick Mon 17-Jun-13 10:49:14

Yanbu,way too much hassle for you.

PatPig Mon 17-Jun-13 10:49:58

Can he not arrange a courier? I'm pretty sure you could have it collected by courier, even unboxed.

GooseyLoosey Mon 17-Jun-13 10:50:48

Ooh, 13 votes for me so far and none for dh! Hooray.

OddSockMonster Mon 17-Jun-13 10:52:13

Can I add to my suggestion that if you did pick it up for him according to some sort of deal, he should ought to take you on holiday with the proceeds of selling off half the old bikes.

Patosshades Mon 17-Jun-13 10:52:36

Is this bike in anyway for your benefit OP?
No? thought not. YANBU, he can go get his own bike.

GooseyLoosey Mon 17-Jun-13 10:52:41

He could (and probably will) arrange a courrier if I won't fetch it and the seller is willing. However, he thinks that in the cosmic scheme of things, I will take note of the additional price of the courrier and add that to the price of the bike and it will increase my ill will over the whole transaction. To be fair, he probably has a point. Did I mention that we have about 23 bikes?

HeathRobinson Mon 17-Jun-13 10:53:16

I wouldn't get it.

He should have worked out how he was getting it before he bid on it.

LayMeDown Mon 17-Jun-13 10:53:47

So after work, you have to travel 40 mins out to the suburbs. Pick up an ancient bike in god knows what state of repair. Cycle that bike back to the station. Get it on the train. Get it off again and into your car (not actually that easy to do.) And deliver it to him. A bike you didn't want and can't afford?
No chance. YANBU. He can get the train up himself to get it. Cheeky fucker.

GooseyLoosey Mon 17-Jun-13 10:54:17

Nice thought Sockmonster. I fear however his idea of a holiday might be to the track at Newport. Maybe I should ask for custody of the proceeds of sale, but I suspect that by the time I get them, we would be looking at a Saga break!

msrisotto Mon 17-Jun-13 10:54:27

YANBU, who does he think he is? The Queen of Sheba? I wouldn't mind having people to do all my chores for me either!

agedknees Mon 17-Jun-13 10:54:47

More votes for you. YANBU. Tell him to get his own bike.

It is incredible rude for any partner to take on commitments for the other one without any consultation.

Its one thing his obsession taking over his life but he shouldn't be trying to impose it into your life too.

GooseyLoosey Mon 17-Jun-13 10:55:10

LayMeDown - well put!

GooseyLoosey Mon 17-Jun-13 10:56:18

No votes for DH so far. He he he. I am forwarding him the link now.

There's not a chance in hell I'd be doing it!
He gets it himself or he doesn't have it - simples!

DeepRedBetty Mon 17-Jun-13 10:58:11

Can I be first to say LTB grin!

GooseyLoosey Mon 17-Jun-13 10:58:14

For my sake, keep the responses coming. DH lives in a universe where he is always the calm voice of reason and I am some totally unyielding mad woman who won't comply with the most reasonable of requests.

Oh, sod off! YANBU. You could not be less U if you tried.

My DP likes to ask me to collect bits of old motorbikes from all over the city. I have yet to say yes. Not your collection, not your responsibility.

GooseyLoosey Mon 17-Jun-13 10:59:11

DeepRedBetty - it would certainly free up a lot of space in the house if he and his bikes were to depart for pastures new.

pinkpanther79 Mon 17-Jun-13 11:00:53

Vote for you!

What are you supposed to do if the bike is not in a fit state to cycle or too big for you when you pick it up? Walk it back to the station. Also will you be allowed to take it on the train at all, bikes are banned at certain times on a lot of trains.

TheVermiciousKnid Mon 17-Jun-13 11:01:46

YANBU. Tell him to get on his bike ...

YAsoooooooNBU. Tell him to get stuffed!

How the hell do you manage to store that many bikes- are the taking over the entire house too by any chance?

Cerisier Mon 17-Jun-13 11:03:06

This is an unbelievably unreasonable request from your DH.

And how rude to ask you after buying the bike- so somehow it is your fault if it costs more to get it home.

So you are expected to go massively out of your way and ride some ancient bike with goodness knows what sort of brakes or tyres. This is an accident waiting to happen.

He is being unreasonable, entitled and putting you at risk. He sounds an arrogant arse.

GooseyLoosey Mon 17-Jun-13 11:03:41

ChazsBrilliantAttitude - I asked him that. He told me that he was absolutely certain it would be rideable, well pretty certain, fairly certain, well he thought so. Clearly as far as he was concerned, that potential issue was under the heading "things for my wife to worry about".

Allalonenow Mon 17-Jun-13 11:04:42


EldritchCleavage Mon 17-Jun-13 11:06:41

What kind of twat spends family money on a hobby he doesn't even do very well (no parts sold to recoup costs, bikes badly stored and in disrepair rather than properly restored and maintained) against his partner's wishes, tries to make her do his fetching and carrying for him and then has the cheek to characterise her as over-emotional and unreasonable when she won't?

You're being more sanguine about this than I would be, OP (and I'm married to a train-spotter).

Cerisier Mon 17-Jun-13 11:07:03

I am fuming on your behalf. Not only because of this but because of having to put up with all the old bikes at your house. I hope they are in some outhouse/garage and not in the main house.

GooseyLoosey Mon 17-Jun-13 11:07:19

Cerisier - "He is being unreasonable, entitled and putting you at risk. He sounds an arrogant arse" - I may forward that to him for his particular attention.

I have sent him the link to this but have had no response so far.

YANBU! It's your DH's responsibility to work out how to get his new toy home.

PeppermintPasty Mon 17-Jun-13 11:10:14

I vote for you purely on the basis that he is daft enough to think we would all agree with him.

Mr Goosey, you are a twonk grin

GooseyLoosey Mon 17-Jun-13 11:10:32

They are in the cellar, the loft and the shed. I think if possible he would also have him in the lounge and the bedroom, but if that came to pass it would no longer be my problem as he would be living alone.

To be fair to DH, not sure how optimistic he was about me fetching this for him, but he is giving it his best shot.

EldritchCleavage - your post will wound him deeply!

Tortoiseonthehalfshell Mon 17-Jun-13 11:10:44

OP, you are obviously being completely reasonable. That is a request that is far, far beyond reasonable that he's making.

Underneath which, there's a lot of anger going on here, right? He spends all his spare cash on useless things, reneges on his repeated promises to sell things off, and makes your home unpleasant for you to live in.

Your stated response to this is obviously black humour and acceptance, but I think that you need to address this properly, because it's fundamentally eating away at your relationship.

You CAN expect your life partner to take your opinion into account when spending "his" money, since it's your joint lifestyle and future that is affected. You CAN expect your life partner not to take up your home with junk. Etc.

lashingsofbingeinghere Mon 17-Jun-13 11:11:02

YANBU The sheer presumption! Tell him if he wants the bike, he gets it. FWIW my DH would never dream of making such an inconvenient arrangement. He wouldn't even bother to ask, because he knows what my answer would be.

Goldmandra Mon 17-Jun-13 11:11:24

He needs to get a grip of this obsession.

He consulted you and then ignored your response.

He then got all smoochy and cuddly in order to get you to do something he knew you wouldn't want to do.

Now he wants you to add a really shitty journey onto the end of your working day, riding it not know how safe it will be and manhandling a cycle on public transport.

I have to declare an interest in that my DH has a similar obsession about cars and we have conflict about the space all the bits take up.

Having said that, even though he is not blessed with the best emotional literacy in the world, he wouldn't ever be stupid enough to ask me to go through that in order to add to his collection.

YANBU, OP. He needs to realise the impact his obsession is having on your life. So what if it costs more to get it couriered? He should have got a grip and realised that he would have to pay for this before he bid.

Tell him to grow up and take some responsibility.

Cerisier Mon 17-Jun-13 11:12:11

Please do Goosey.

I am married to a train enthusiast but he would never expect me to run around for him.

Cerisier Mon 17-Jun-13 11:14:41

Good post Tortoise.

GooseyLoosey Mon 17-Jun-13 11:15:53

Tortoise, it would be fair to say that there is some resentment on my part. I no longer venture into the loft as I find the whole experience quite traumatic. He has reigned himself in quite considerably (at my request) but occasionally he just cannot help himself. I would not have believed it possible for anyone to actually salivate over ancient rusty bolts had I not seen it with my own eyes.

MadBusLady Mon 17-Jun-13 11:18:37

He wants me to collect it from a suburb it will take about 40 minutes to get to after work and then somehow I have to get it back to the mainline train station and then in my car at the other end.

My gob is smacked by that.

He cannot seriously think he is being reasonable?

vintagecakeisstillnice Mon 17-Jun-13 11:21:46

Not a hope in Hell.

he is being an arse

MadBusLady Mon 17-Jun-13 11:22:02

And by the way, over-excitable impulse buyers like him are the scourge of eBay. They just don't think things through, renege on their purchases and make sellers wary of all of us. If I buy something that isn't being posted, I have a plan for how to get it to mine. In which any participants are already informed and willing before I bid. hmm

YouTheCat Mon 17-Jun-13 11:23:10

I think you should collect the bike....

Then you take it to an undisclosed location and tell him that if the other rusty old bits of crap are not removed/sold, you will send back the bike in parts (one a week). grin

GooseyLoosey Mon 17-Jun-13 11:24:16

In DH's defence, he won't renege on the purchase - he would never do that. If I don't come through (which I won't) he will arrange a courrier or drive to London one night to fetch it.

GooseyLoosey Mon 17-Jun-13 11:25:40

YouTheCat - hold it as hostage? I am absolutely loving that idea, am cutting letters out of old newspapers now.

FriskyHenderson Mon 17-Jun-13 11:25:54

Tell him you'll do it. After he's put the rest of his collection on ebay.

MadBusLady Mon 17-Jun-13 11:27:54

Fair enough, so he's not willing to put anyone else to a lot of trouble. Only you.

RescueCack Mon 17-Jun-13 11:31:11

Love the bike hostage idea.

digerd Mon 17-Jun-13 11:38:20

My DH would have done it for me . Infact my DB did. But I don't driveblush. But then I was not an obsessive collector of bikes , just dogssmile

pinkyredrose Mon 17-Jun-13 11:40:33

He's got bikes in the loft?! How the fuck is he getting them up there? What exactly is his grand plan regarding all these bikes?

Does he just gaze wistfully at them? If he was restoring them and selling for a profit that would be something but just collecting them and having them lying around? That would do my head in.

I think you should work out how much he's spent on these heaps of metal and spend the same on yourself on a spending spree.

And no don't collect the new heap of rust bike!

Nagoo Mon 17-Jun-13 11:41:45

Nope, no way would I go and fetch it. I would not be encouraging him to bring more crap into my house. [mean]

And what if it is dangerous? What if you are mugged for it by a rabid bike collector?

Noo waaaaay.

EglantinePrice Mon 17-Jun-13 11:42:38


At the very least he should have asked you before he bought it.

Also doesn't he want to see it first? What he if you brought home a rusty bit of shit? Would he start saying you should have checked it first and that's not the right description etc

He needs to take responsibility for his 'hobby'

OddSockMonster Mon 17-Jun-13 11:43:15

The bike hostage plan is a very good idea indeed!

sparechange Mon 17-Jun-13 11:45:04

YANBU and you should not go and get his bike
You should introduce a one in, one out policy for all future bikes and bike bits
You should have a parallel 'Goose's fun fund' running which indemnifies you from spending the same amount that he spends on bike on shoes/spas/restaurants/whatever floats your boat
You should also tell him to get a grip, and then make him watch one of those hoarder documentaries in a 'ghost of christmas future' sort of way...

GooseyLoosey Mon 17-Jun-13 11:45:04

"How the fuck is he getting them up there?" - with me standing at the bottom of the ladder manouvering them up there. I admit that this is not easy but anything that removes them from my sight is welcome.

I think he does gaze wistfully at them. I don't understand how one can do that but he does. He also spends ages rubbing them with sandpaper and then leaves them in the kitchen to admire until I threaten violence (to either him or the bike) unless removed.

I wish he would obsess over something smaller and easier to store - stamps perhaps.

GibberTheMonkey Mon 17-Jun-13 11:46:47

At least trainspotters don't ask you to bring a train home on a train after a long day at work

MrsOakenshield Mon 17-Jun-13 11:47:18

he does understand that London covers something like 300 square miles? No? Thought not.

pinkyredrose Mon 17-Jun-13 11:49:55

Ok next birthday or Xmas present: a big shed - for all the bikes and him too!

I think heaving a rusty piece of junk all over London and home for hours will give you CONSIDERABLY more ill-will towards this purchase than knowing the price of the courier would.


LimburgseVlaai Mon 17-Jun-13 11:51:18

Has anyone mentioned yet that you are not allowed to take a bike on a rush hour train? Folding bikes only.

Well, I would say: it's a sad hobby but not a dangerous one and you should get the bike.

BUT....only if it was convenient and easier for you to do it. Instead it's a train ride to a stranger's house, a cycle, another train ride (if you're allowed on the train with it) with a bloody bike, trying to get the thing in your car and then driving it home.

That's insanely U of him and he shouldn't be asking it of you.

MadBusLady Mon 17-Jun-13 11:56:12

With my dad it was cars, also through some lean financial years, and in an otherwise mostly happy house the friction was a bit horrible to be honest. All spare money was my dad's hobby money, my mum had no money to spend on herself, I have dreary memories of being driven miles and then sitting for hours in hot, empty garage car parks so that my dad could go and wibble on to other petrolheads. I don't know how my mother stood it.

kitsmummy Mon 17-Jun-13 11:57:12

I think you should get it for him. It is, after all, only a short journey out of your way and why wouldn't you support him in his hobby. After all, I expect if you had a hobby of cake making or some such thing, then he would support you in that wouldn't he? said no-one, ever grin

EldritchCleavage Mon 17-Jun-13 11:57:42

I hope this selfishness stops at the bikes and doesn't spill over into other areas of your life together.

God, it must be tempting to sell the lot for scrap behind his back.

fuzzywuzzy Mon 17-Jun-13 12:00:42

LTB (has anyone said that yet <goes off to read the thread>)

BTW YAmostcertainlyNOTBU

lottiegarbanzo Mon 17-Jun-13 12:01:50

I'd be really interested to see how he would have worded the OP!

The purchasing before asking you is he absolute U-ness here. Rather, he must have factored in courier costs, or the inconvenience of him collecting, when he bought it. So, he's just trying it on.

travellingwilbury Mon 17-Jun-13 12:02:43

First of all yanbu obviously !
Secondly , what is the point of his hobby ?
Does he ever actually restore and ride any of them ?
Does he ever sell any of them ever ?

If not then are you so loaded that he can have hundreds ( thousands ?) Of pounds just sitting in a rusty pile of bolts ?

MadBusLady Mon 17-Jun-13 12:02:48

Giving him the benefit of the doubt, I think some otherwise sane, reasonable people just get completely unreasonable and selfish about one particular obsession. And they sort of can't accept that not everyone is as thrilled with the thing as they are. However much evidence they get that no-one else is interested or wants to put themselves out for the hobby, they keep reverting to seeing it as a communal enterprise, hence their wildly unreasonable expectations of other people. That's what my dad is like with cars.

BrianTheMole Mon 17-Jun-13 12:04:12

Get someone from here to pick it up. look
I've had bikes delivered through this before quite cheaply. I wouldn't go and pick it up.

Goldmandra Mon 17-Jun-13 12:05:47

Has anyone mentioned yet that you are not allowed to take a bike on a rush hour train? Folding bikes only.

Would it still be rush hour by the time she'd finished work, travelled for forty minutes and ridden the bike back to the station?

GooseyLoosey Mon 17-Jun-13 12:05:47

"I hope this selfishness stops at the bikes and doesn't spill over into other areas of your life together" - it does. I can laugh about it because it is not the norm. My otherwise reasonable husband turns into a drooling loon at the sight of what to me is a heap of rusting metal. He talks to me about them too sometimes and looks a bit bewildered and hurt when he finally twigs to the fact that I couldn't care a less.

"I think heaving a rusty piece of junk all over London and home for hours will give you CONSIDERABLY more ill-will towards this purchase than knowing the price of the courier would". You are quite right. I know I would end up in an argument with someone at some stage of the journey home and the resulting rise in my blookd pressure would probably shorten my life expectancy.

mouldyironingboard Mon 17-Jun-13 12:08:03


If he wants the bike badly enough he should collect it himself.

Message to mrgooseyloosey:

You should buy your lovely wife a big bunch of flowers and a box of her favourite chocolates for even making such a selfish suggestion and upsetting her. Not many women would put up with your hobby and you need to start showing her how much your appreciate her tolerance.

ByTheWishingWell Mon 17-Jun-13 12:14:31

Another vote for you- YANBU, but I'm sure you know that now grin

I think he's very lucky to have you- if my DP's rusty piles of crap hobby had already taken over the shed, there's no way he'd be moving the overspill into the house. Put your foot down! grin

Aniseeda Mon 17-Jun-13 12:18:52

You are so not being unreasonable you are the queen of not being unreasonable!

He wants it - he collects it. The end!

DorisIsWaiting Mon 17-Jun-13 12:23:15


I have a garage full of 'ratty' chairs in various stages of repair (to be sold on). I wouldn't dream of asking dh to go and pick one up, my choice my problem.

GooseyLoosey Mon 17-Jun-13 12:30:51

sparechange - "Goose's fun fund" - I am so putting that on a jar when I get home and adopting an expectant look around dh in the hope that he will add to it.

Aniseeda "the queen of not being unreasonable" - I want that on a tee shirt.

HabbaDabbaDoo Mon 17-Jun-13 12:36:32

If you can say that in all your time together you have never asked him to do something that greatly inconvenienced him then YANBU.

Alternatively, get a courier to pick it up. Problem solved smile It can't be that much more expensive than the train fare.

CocktailQueen Mon 17-Jun-13 12:43:22

YANBU - tell him to get it himself!! 20 bikes is insane. He knew you weren't keen, he didn't ask you if you could collect it before be bid on it - no way! He can fetch it himself.

TotallyBursar Mon 17-Jun-13 12:52:15

So it's not even that he can't do it as has no car/doesn't drive, he just can't be arsed and doesn't see why you shouldn't do the shitwork so he can just have the fun.

And he thinks you're being unreasonable?

Some people's lack of introspection, insight and grip on reality is shocking.
He does know you aren't his personal staff doesn't he?

Blimey, two votes here for you - DH said his response would be to give me a big cuddle as he proclaimed 'I'm afraid the lack of oxygen from having your head so far up your arse has started to play havoc with your faculties. Luckily I can tell you your legs still work'. And that is from a man who drove 10 hours in a day to pick up a surprise rescue dog, so it's not like he's averse to helping me out!

What TotallyBursar said. YANBU, not one little bit.

His bike, his problem.

I have hobbies, mostly little craft ones. But I don't inflict them on anyone else in the house. I look after and sort out my own bits and pieces. I don't expect anyone else to inconvenience themselves because I can't be arsed to do something.

raisah Tue 18-Jun-13 08:43:45

YANBU to tell him to get his own bloody bike. It is the last thing you want to do after work to go & collect a bike from an unknown part of London.

PearlyWhites Tue 18-Jun-13 08:51:21

Gosh your dh wants you to spend a whole forty minutes of your life doing something for him. Never mind being unreasonable I would LTB.

RikeBider Tue 18-Jun-13 08:56:07

No WAY would I collect it for him!

I would have put my foot down about buying it until he'd sold some of the bits he has been promising to sell but never has too... Can't his hobby become self-funding?

lottiegarbanzo Tue 18-Jun-13 08:56:17

Oh, hello OP's DH!

KneeDeepInDaisies Tue 18-Jun-13 09:06:26

Mr GooseyLoosey -YABU but I think you know. Well done for trying your luck though.

Please look at what your DW has written here. Don't you think it's time to start culling the collection or at least selling some spare parts?

If you were my DH you would be have been asked to choose between me and the bikes a long time ago. You're lucky your wife is nicer than me.

Sell your shit, take your wife away on a cycling holiday and get a better hobby.

Peanate Tue 18-Jun-13 09:06:43

I'm totally on your side OP, but thought I would suggest a compromise?

You will happily go and retrieve said rusty hunk of metal, on the condition that before you collect it, he has to dispose of at least 4-5 other bikes at your house.

saintmerryweather Tue 18-Jun-13 09:06:55

yeah but its not just 40 minutes is it? shes got to ride the bloody rattly deathtrap back to the station without getting maimed or killed theb somehow get it into her car at the other end. and im guessing its not going to be light either if its that old

PearlyWhites Tue 18-Jun-13 09:11:05

Yes it would be a pain in the neck but still a lot easier than her dh travelling a two hundred mile round trip! Do people not go out of their way for people these days even their own husbands?

lottiegarbanzo Tue 18-Jun-13 09:14:09

Depends whether their husbands ask them, or make the commitment first and then tell them.

I'd suggest you read the thread Pearlywhites. You might gain some useful insight!

humdumaggapang Tue 18-Jun-13 09:15:32

YANBU although of course the OP is written from a point of bias. If he wants to find out if HIBU maybe he should start his own thread and see if he gets any sympathy.

expatinscotland Tue 18-Jun-13 09:24:19

Fuck that! Tell him to get it himself.

VeganCow Tue 18-Jun-13 09:28:33

I think that he should get it himself. For the simple reason that he bought it knowing full well it was collection only and he never asked you if you would collect it before he bought it, just assumed. That would be my reason for refusing.. the taking it, and you, for granted bit.

TheDoctrineOfAllan Tue 18-Jun-13 09:35:26


ClartyCarol Tue 18-Jun-13 09:42:00

PearlyWhites - really?? Really?????

pinkyredrose Tue 18-Jun-13 10:08:50

Pearlywhites if the OP was a total mug then maybe she'd see things from your point of view. But she obviously isn't a mug as you'd know if you rtft.

If her DH needs another useless hunk of metal taking up space he should sort it himself. It's not like he's even doing anything with all these bikes, all they're doing is costing money and space and nothing else.

GooseyLoosey Tue 18-Jun-13 10:30:47

Pearly - you are right, it would be easier for DH for me to get it than him. However, I DON'T WANT THE F'ING THING, I would be happy for it to remain in its North London suburb indefinitely. There is much I would do for DH and many hardships I would suffer on his behalf. This is just one too far.

But Pearly GooseyLoosey would have done a long day at work not to mention the traveling to work, in smart work clothes. Then go 40min in the wrong direction to pick up a dirty/rusty bike, then travel back to where she stared to get back on her normal train home which may not even let the rusty bike on.

So adding another 40min to 80mins later home then normal. Probably in the process ruining her clothes. It not like he asking her to pop to the supermarket on the way home.

KansasCityOctopus Tue 18-Jun-13 10:47:21

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

You are not MrGooseyLoosey are you?

PearlyWhites Tue 18-Jun-13 10:54:53

Ha no I'm not .
Change of clothes?
Op I know what you are saying and that is your choice not to pick it up but my genuine opinion is yabu because it is something your dh really cares about and it is a one of favour he is asking of you.

OneMoreChap Tue 18-Jun-13 10:59:20

+1 for get his own damn bike

GhoulWithADragonTattoo Tue 18-Jun-13 11:05:15

YAObviouslyNBU. If the bike was a 5 min walk from your office and he was going to meet you on the platform at the station it might be different or at least be debatable. But as it is YANBU.

My DH has 3 bikes and 2 rowing machines and I get v cross at that.

lottiegarbanzo Tue 18-Jun-13 11:38:01

Pearly, again, read the thread. It's not one favour. She is doing him a favour daily by tolerating a house full of valueless, space-stealing clutter that her self-deluding DP will never do up, use or sell.

lottiegarbanzo Tue 18-Jun-13 11:47:05

Oh and his spending money on his junk collection that could be spent on things they'd both benefit from.

Pearly I would say, would this be a favour you would feel able to ask someone to do on your behalf? I wouldn't. Its too much, its not "on her way", its not easy. If I couldn't do it without help, I would at least make sure I was making as much effort as I could too (instead of sitting at home while my partner sweated across London with a potentially unrideable bike). I wouldn't ask my DH to do this as a favour.

This isn't a little favour by any means.

Op would have to go to a suburb she may not be familiar with to collect an old bike (which is unlikely to be clean hence the change of clothes comment from someone), get the bike back to the station and hope the bike is allowed on the train because I know they aren't allowed at peak times with some trains.

And the OP's DH doesn't even do anything with these rusting bikes, despite saying he would. My craft hobbies at least have the advantage of allowing me to make presents so I don't have a large amount stored, and I'm not cluttering up the house with stuff that doesn't do anything, while getting pleasure out of the actual making.

SanityClause Tue 18-Jun-13 12:36:53


It's enough to have to live with the rusty old crap. You shouldn't be expected to go out of your way to add to it.

ilovexmastime Tue 18-Jun-13 12:40:22

I can see what you're saying Pearly and I tend to agree with you, but if the OP really hates his hobby then he is being VU.

Personally, I'd do the favour, because then DH would owe me BIG time.

OneLaundryBaskettoRuleThemAll Tue 18-Jun-13 13:09:55

If I had a penny for everytime my OH said " ... and I will sell X bits on ebay " and doesn't sell fuck all of it, I could buy loads of shit from ikea to store all the useless clutter in. Vote for you OP.

ScrambledSmegs Tue 18-Jun-13 13:12:57

YANBU. Nope. Not a 'little favour' at all. Is pretty massive actually.

Bike unlikely to be rideable, or at the very least safe. Can't take bikes on a) Tube b) buses c) rail at peak times. So how is OP supposed to get it home in one piece?

If he could work out a way that would involve the minimum of disruption to you at the end of your working day, then maybe, maybe I would consider it. But it sounds like he wants you to do all the planning and logistics, and for you to turn up one day with his new toy like the rusty-piece-of-crap fairy hmm

I wouldnt do it either, for all the reasons already stated.

But my particular problem would be lifting and wrangling a presumably heavy 1950's bike into my car. After trying to work out how to get the seats down and how to make the bike fit the space. spatial awareness slightly lacking


SuperiorCat Tue 18-Jun-13 13:36:32

OP you know YANBU - your DH is

DeepRedBetty Tue 18-Jun-13 13:41:03

I make it 115 for yanbu and 2 for yabu.

Also three LTBs for good measure.

I think The Voice of The Viper's Nest has spoken.

kotinka Tue 18-Jun-13 13:41:20

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

DeepRedBetty Tue 18-Jun-13 13:43:15

And one of the yabu's is actually a yanbu if you read it carefully. (*ilovexmastime*)

MarinaIvy Tue 18-Jun-13 13:46:19

Ooh, Goosey, red flags are a'flying:

DH lives in a universe where he is always the calm voice of reason and I am some totally unyielding mad woman who won't comply with the most reasonable of requests.

Tortoise speaks wise words. This latest (Unreasonable, for the sake of perfect clarity - that's my vote) request is the tip of the iceberg.

Any update? Has DH given you his thoughts on the voting thus far?

onedev Tue 18-Jun-13 13:46:54


missuswife Tue 18-Jun-13 13:46:58

YABU to say that his hobby is sad. YANBU to refuse to collect the bike. He should have discussed it with you before he bought it.

GooseyLoosey Tue 18-Jun-13 13:47:49

I'm glad there were some votes for DH, I think he felt rather attacked when he read the thread. When he asked what "LTB" stood for, I helpfully explained it was "leave the bike" - don't think he would have appreciated the humour of the alternative!

DeepRedBetty Tue 18-Jun-13 13:54:01

grin Leave The Bike.

MadBusLady Tue 18-Jun-13 14:20:21

I make that three new t-shirt designs then - Queen of Not Being Unreasonable, Leave the Bike and Rusty-Piece-of-Crap Fairy.

Lweji Tue 18-Jun-13 14:23:30


HTH smile

Seriously, HIBU

And LOL at leave the bike.

Lweji Tue 18-Jun-13 14:28:48

wish he would obsess over something smaller and easier to store - stamps perhaps.

Also, they would be easier to post. wink

PearlyWhites Tue 18-Jun-13 14:55:20

Lily I would ask my dh yes but not a friend as its a big deal.

Abzs Tue 18-Jun-13 15:25:55

I take it he ascribes to the x=n+1 theory, where n is the number of bikes in your stable and x is the number you would like.

However, he seems to be in danger of falling foul of the variation x=n-1
where n is the number of bikes that would cause your partner to leave you.

HIBU. He needs to pick it up himself or arrange a courier. And sell or scrap some of the others.

Pearly, would you arrange to buy something like this and only then ask for your OH to collect it? The DH in the OP didn't even have the decency to ask before going ahead and buying the bike.

pinkyredrose Tue 18-Jun-13 15:46:12

Abzs grin loving your mathematical take on it!

StuntGirl Tue 18-Jun-13 16:04:17

He is so beyond unreasonable that it is a mere tiny dot in the diatance to him. In fact I'm pretty sure he just drove right on through the station marked 'Unreasonable' and is in some unknown territory beyond that.

He needs to sell some of his 'collection', if only to recoup costs and reclaim some space. I'd also go through the budget and work out what he can afford to spend each month on his hobby. He's behaving like an over excited child and its unfair that you have to put up and shut up.

Abzs Tue 18-Jun-13 16:42:21

I can't take credit for it pinkyredrose. I got it from the Cycle Touring Club forums.

Hugely unreasonable request from MrGooseyLoosey, for all the reasons already stated.

MrGooseyLoosey - a word, please. 23 bikes, none of the restored, none of them fit to ride, deteriorating away in the loft and other sad spaces. WTF? (Please translate for him, OP). My beloved loves his bikes; the ones he rides, the ones he designed and built for himself, the one he restored and sold for a handsome profit on eBay, the ones he works with. The state of your bikes would make him cry. Hang your head in shame Sir, for you do not love your bikes if you continue to treat them so. Pick a bike from the 23. Since you bought this latest bike for the cranks, cannibalise them onto your chosen bike and send the rest to the scrapyard. Go through them all in the same way. Restore the chosen one to its former glory. Don't keep them this way, mouldering away, never to be ridden again. Or one thing is for sure - you may think that you love your bikes, but THEY know for sure that they don't love you. <stern look>

TheDoctrineOfAllan Tue 18-Jun-13 18:25:45

Stunt girl flowers

RenterNomad Tue 18-Jun-13 20:11:55

How does DH know that evening would be a convenient time for the bike to be picked up?

After all, it could be a family with young DC, finally clearing the detritus of a hobby (presumably the eBay description was written by the hobbyist, to have been so alluring!). Would they wait hours for a pickup?

or perhaps they WOULD stay up, till crack of doom, to get rid of the damned thing, thinking themselves lucky?!

Tortoiseonthehalfshell Wed 19-Jun-13 00:46:27

I am SO going on all the relationship AIBUs to tell people to Leave The Bike from now on.

quoteunquote Wed 19-Jun-13 01:41:37

Invite this guy round to see if he will buy any

He needs a workshop, I have a huge workshop, it's full to the gills (architectural salvage and vintage furniture) , many people would love to get in and buy stuff,

i only sell items when I have found something better and I need space, or I upgrade to a larger workshop.

complexnumber Wed 19-Jun-13 03:42:16

Would he do something similar for you?

If you know he would, then YABU.

If not, then YANBU

ChippingInWiredOnCoffee Wed 19-Jun-13 05:08:49

I don't understand why people are banging on about bikes not being allowed on the trains during peak hours?

By the time she has traipsed to a London suburb (min 40 mins) walked to the house/found the house (god knows how long), spoken to the sellers (who will be only too pleased to pass on their knowledge about the bikes history - these people always are) and traipsed a hunking lump of rusting metal with no/flat tyres, got the train back to London -.... peak hours will be a dim distant memory.

OPDH - stop being a knob and drive up at the weekend.

Chickentikkaricepudding Wed 19-Jun-13 05:12:57

Are you being unreasonable in refusing to do your husband a favour?

Yes you are.

Your poor DH has a hobby that makes him happy. It might seem pointless or geeky to some, but it makes him happy, and isn't doing anyone any harm. Certainly it's more virtuous than spitting venom on the Internet at some poor man who has done nothing wrong, other than assuming he would get a vote of confidence on Mumsnet, which is akin to a weedy kid asking the school bully to be the objective arbiter of whether he gets punched in the face at break-time.

So do him a favour, and go get the bike. Mumsnet will wait till you get back. You could then even post a picture of said bike on here so you and everyone above can continue to hiss and cackle merrily. That way he gets to enjoy his hobby, and you get to enjoy yours.

luckymamaoffour Wed 19-Jun-13 07:11:00

I would feel a bit put out if my DH asked this of me, but I would do it if he really wanted me to. He does do a lot of things for me though so it's swings and roundabouts.

ZillionChocolate Wed 19-Jun-13 08:15:38

HWBU buying it without working out collection first. If you do it, then I think you're entitled to have him do a day of your chores.

Goldmandra Wed 19-Jun-13 11:49:47

WhereYouLeftIt I think I may have to invite you round to meet m DH.

He doesn't get that 'having' is different from improving or using things. His bits of cars (plus random other 'stuff') are all gathering dust while he collects magazines about them to store alongside them.

shewhowines Wed 19-Jun-13 12:37:47

Mmm you could benefit from this for a long time...

What can he do for you in return? He needs to be very, very, very, very grateful if you do him this huge favour, in view of how you feel about his little hobby.

Time to start some serious negotiations, me thinks...

Triathlete Wed 19-Jun-13 12:41:34

I'm a cyclist, and a bit of a bike collector. I "only" have eight, well, eleven if you include the ones that I bought for my wife.

YANBU. He shouldn't have bought this bike if he can't get it home. If he wants the cranks he can ask the vendor to take them off and send them. Or get the vendor to courier the whole thing.

PoppyAmex Wed 19-Jun-13 12:48:33

I'm almost sure ChickenTikka is the husband!

shewhowines Wed 19-Jun-13 12:50:37

I agree Poppy

shewhowines Wed 19-Jun-13 12:53:19

I almost feel sorry for him now, if he is the husband.

Go on and fetch the bike. chickenTikka has convinced me that Dh needs some support- bless him.

lottiegarbanzo Wed 19-Jun-13 13:06:38

Hmm, no, Chickentikka claims to know MN. She doesn't seem to have read the thread either.

She says the hobby is harmless - OP doesn't agree, she said it takes up space in their home, her time helping lift bikes to the loft and her mental energy having to ask him to move them from their living space. And, that he hasn't done anything wrong - well commiting to the purchase before asking if she minded helping was certainly very silly and is the basic unreasonableness here. Saying so is just answering the question.

If he was trying it on, he tried, he failed. if he really expected OP to comply with his wish, he's a silly billy and should have considered the possibility of her declining, before purchasing.

GooseyLoosey Wed 19-Jun-13 13:23:06

Hi ChikenTikka - are you married to me? In which case, Hi and sorry about any venom on the thread as I do love you. Still not getting the bike though.

Love the formula - in dh's case, I think the correct version might be something along the lines of n = x2.

pinkyredrose Wed 19-Jun-13 13:23:23

chicken what's so 'virtuous' about having 23 bikes in various states of repair and not being used cluttering up the house and wanting to add another one to the collection?

Charlesroi Wed 19-Jun-13 13:49:44

It's his hobby, but he won't pick it up because he considers his time to be more valuable than yours? No way would I pick it up.
And what if it's not in the advertised condition? Guess that becomes your problem too. Just no.

Chickentikkaricepudding Wed 19-Jun-13 20:50:56

Lottie, God forbid she should have to grant the DH time, space and mental energy! What is the world coming to. I'm sure she doesn't expect that from him...!

Goosey I'm afraid not. He's more likely to be on a bicycle collectors forum seeking some balance!

Pinky I didn't say that.

pinkyredrose Wed 19-Jun-13 22:47:39

chicken you said his hobby was more virtuous than spitting venom on the internet.

Goldmandra Wed 19-Jun-13 22:48:56

God forbid she should have to grant the DH time, space and mental energy!

When you live with someone who collects things, forever promising to sell bits on Ebay and never getting round to it, cluttering up the living space you share, making it harder to store and clean things, you do end up giving an unfair amount of time, space and mental energy even without having to traipse across London at the end of a day's work simply to add to it on his behalf.

AnotherLovelyCupOfCoffee Wed 19-Jun-13 22:56:52

I think you should demand that half of the disposable income is YOURS. if you can pin down the figure that he spends on bits and parts every month by trawling through statements, and if he can share this with you so that you can pursue a hobby or treat yourself, then and only then I'd go and get his bike but even then, he'd have to realise it was a big favour. he sounds like a selfish geek

Chickentikkaricepudding Wed 19-Jun-13 23:42:22

Pinky, that is correct.

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