To think that a classic ghost story, with classic ingredients, DOES NOT INCLUDE A TOWER!

(146 Posts)
Salmotrutta Fri 14-Jun-13 23:11:49

Towers with secret doors are FOR FAIRYTALES.

Not ghost stories.

FGS.

usualsuspect Fri 14-Jun-13 23:13:34

You are very wrong.

All ghost stories have a tower with a secret door, THAT MUST NOT BE OPENED IN A THUNDERSTORM

Ghost stories involve broken down cars in the middle of no where and phones that either lose battery or signal.

FACT.

Salmotrutta Fri 14-Jun-13 23:14:24

Rubbish

It must have a neighing horse.

tethersend Fri 14-Jun-13 23:14:59
squoosh Fri 14-Jun-13 23:15:02

But where else do they keep the pesky mad women who break out and roam the house on a stormy night?

Salmotrutta Fri 14-Jun-13 23:15:09

I think you'll find you are talking bolleaux usual.

As usual.

Salmotrutta Fri 14-Jun-13 23:15:28

<tut>

usualsuspect Fri 14-Jun-13 23:15:56

Thank you.

If not a tower, than an attic, which is a bit like a tower.

Salmotrutta Fri 14-Jun-13 23:16:12

If you think I'm watching that tethers you ARE MAD.

Also basements or attics can be involved. No towers. Only her with the long hair has a tower.

<joins Salmo>

Salmotrutta Fri 14-Jun-13 23:16:49

Well, if you'd said attic... hmm

Salmotrutta Fri 14-Jun-13 23:17:38

How about a cellar?

With a dodgy lightbulb?

LineRunner Fri 14-Jun-13 23:18:09

I think, squoosh, you'll find you are making the elementary mistake of confusing a ghost story with mid 19th century quasi-gothic literature.

usualsuspect Fri 14-Jun-13 23:18:37

The best ghost stories are in big fuck off houses with towers.

Phones? SP ,no phones in the olden day ghost stories.

squoosh Fri 14-Jun-13 23:19:29

It was kind of ghosty though as she gave poor old Jane Eyre the proper shits.

I'm not from the olden days so I'm doing modern ones grin

Whats her name with the long her and lives in a tower?

LineRunner Fri 14-Jun-13 23:20:15

Edgar Allen Po.

usualsuspect Fri 14-Jun-13 23:20:22

The best ghost film I ever saw had a ghost up the tower.

squoosh Fri 14-Jun-13 23:20:23

I think that's the phrase Charlotte Bronte used 'the proper shits'

<checks edition>

Usual Was it called 'The ghost in the tower' as well grin

Salmotrutta Fri 14-Jun-13 23:21:58

hmm

grin

usualsuspect Fri 14-Jun-13 23:24:27

That's a great name for a ghost story.

The ghost up the Tower.

I might write it,

But what would it be about usual Its a bit of a vague title

Bimblepops Fri 14-Jun-13 23:26:35

Carry on up the tower?

usualsuspect Fri 14-Jun-13 23:26:48

You will all want to know me then, when I'm signing copies in Waterstones.

squoosh Fri 14-Jun-13 23:27:52

There's an Evil Power in the Tower.
There's sumfin' in there, I saw it glower.

LineRunner Fri 14-Jun-13 23:28:00

'There's a ghost up the tower,' said Uncle Gregory.

'OK, I'll never go there,' said Timmy, running off to the Isle of Wight Festival with his chums.

The End.

usualsuspect Fri 14-Jun-13 23:29:38

I might write a bit more in the middle about rocking chairs and pictures with moving eyes.

Bimblepops Fri 14-Jun-13 23:30:20

I have to be honest...I've never heard a ghost story with a tower in it...

squoosh Fri 14-Jun-13 23:30:54

Maybe the ghost story will be set in Gower.

Can you add a creepy huge pram that moves on its own in an empty room

Salmotrutta Fri 14-Jun-13 23:31:14

But Timmy would go Up The Tower Attic

Purely because Uncle Gregory said not to.

And he'd go alone.

Thems the Rules.

Bimblepops Fri 14-Jun-13 23:31:17

Sod ghost stories, Breakfast Club is on BBC2

squoosh Fri 14-Jun-13 23:31:55

And there has to be a grey rocking horse with a white mane that rocks even though there is no one in the room.

Salmotrutta Fri 14-Jun-13 23:32:15

Thank you Bimble.

A lone voice in the wilderness.

Salmotrutta Fri 14-Jun-13 23:33:27

Well obviously squoosh hmm

Goes wiv out sayin' innit?

Bimblepops Fri 14-Jun-13 23:34:10

Sorry flowers

Salmotrutta Fri 14-Jun-13 23:34:29

When Timmy Goes Up The Attic he must not turn the lights on.

tethersend Fri 14-Jun-13 23:34:48

Can one of the characters be taken up the tower?

<puerile>

usualsuspect Fri 14-Jun-13 23:34:52

Bimble has been bribed, I think

OOh The Breakfast Club.

Judd Nelson could star in the film adaptation of the Ghost up the Tower.

usualsuspect Fri 14-Jun-13 23:35:56

Always lowering the tone, Tethers. <tuts>

Salmotrutta Fri 14-Jun-13 23:36:41

Or... The Ghost Up The Attic.

tethers you are rude.

grin

tethersend Fri 14-Jun-13 23:37:46

PAGANS

Can we have pagans?

Bimblepops Fri 14-Jun-13 23:38:32

Bloody marvellous film...

usualsuspect Fri 14-Jun-13 23:38:34

YY to pagans, dancing naked in weird masks.

squoosh Fri 14-Jun-13 23:38:36

Ghosts penetrate the darkness, not the darkness of your bumhole.

HauntedArmchairOfDoom Fri 14-Jun-13 23:38:42

The GREATEST GHOST STORY OF ALL TIME has a tower.

Viz, The Turn of the Screw.

HTH.

Salmotrutta Fri 14-Jun-13 23:39:20

I sense a theme to add to our collection:

The Eels In Caves documentary

MN in Jail

MN The Musical

The Ghost Up The Tower Attic.

LineRunner Fri 14-Jun-13 23:39:21

You don't want that ectoplasm up your arse.

Bimblepops Fri 14-Jun-13 23:40:15

If you want a good spooky film, try and see Paperhouse.
http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0098061/

Veh good!

Bimblepops Fri 14-Jun-13 23:40:53

No damn linking, sorry.

www.imdb.com/title/tt0098061/

Salmotrutta Fri 14-Jun-13 23:41:49

Well really Haunted (apt name) -no need to take usuals side...

And, actually, was it not a turret?

Hmm?

usualsuspect Fri 14-Jun-13 23:42:14

See, HauntedArmchair knows

Bimblepops Fri 14-Jun-13 23:42:26

There needs to be a good long period of silence and nothing happening...to really ratchet up the tension

Salmotrutta Fri 14-Jun-13 23:42:31

I refuse to click creepy links.

HauntedArmchairOfDoom Fri 14-Jun-13 23:43:14

It was a tower with a turret.

Am unanimous on this fact.

Also: GINGERS CANNOT BE TRUSTED, ghost-story-wise.

Salmotrutta Fri 14-Jun-13 23:43:20

There should be rustling whispers of taffeta.

LineRunner Fri 14-Jun-13 23:43:42

There was never a tower in Turn of the Screw. That was a turret.

usualsuspect Fri 14-Jun-13 23:43:46

There needs to be a bit of creeping about up the tower stairs.

Salmotrutta Fri 14-Jun-13 23:44:20

A tower with a turret?

A bit superfluous surely?

LineRunner Fri 14-Jun-13 23:45:03

Actually it might have been a garret.

Salmotrutta Fri 14-Jun-13 23:45:03

Hah!

Thank you Liney.

<vindicated>

<smug>

usualsuspect Fri 14-Jun-13 23:45:12

Turret, tower.

whose side are you on, Liney?

<creepy music>

Salmotrutta Fri 14-Jun-13 23:45:37

Creeping is essential.

squoosh Fri 14-Jun-13 23:46:31

A sinister housekeeper appears in every self respecting ghost story.

Salmotrutta Fri 14-Jun-13 23:46:34

And the heroine/hero must poke their nose into Things That Don't Concern Them.

Salmotrutta Fri 14-Jun-13 23:47:43

Oh God Yes!

The Sinister Housekeeper!

And possibly a hunchback?

squoosh Fri 14-Jun-13 23:47:55

Why are ghost stories never set in 1940s semi detatcheds?

The posh monopolise all the good stuff.

Salmotrutta Fri 14-Jun-13 23:49:03

Well, that's the posh for you sad

I expect its the availability of attics and turrets...

Bimblepops Fri 14-Jun-13 23:49:19

Or a creepy hostile butler

HauntedArmchairOfDoom Fri 14-Jun-13 23:50:04

I just Googled "Quint tower Turn of the Screw"

AND MY COMPUTER CRASHED

<quail>

Bimblepops Fri 14-Jun-13 23:50:25

I reckon you could make a great horror film in a tower block, lots of creepy broken down lifts and echoing stair wells...

Salmotrutta Fri 14-Jun-13 23:50:26

There should also be a secret door in the panelling.

Usually found in the library.

usualsuspect Fri 14-Jun-13 23:50:39

Or a creepy woman from the village

Salmotrutta Fri 14-Jun-13 23:51:18

That's you screwed then Haunted...

<woo>

HauntedArmchairOfDoom Fri 14-Jun-13 23:52:11

More to the point:

Direct quote:

“You've seen him nowhere but on the tower?”
“And on this spot just now.”
Mrs. Grose looked round again. “What was he doing on the tower?”

I am making a face of slappable smuggery

Viz. ghost stories set in 1940s semis - try Every Day is Mother's Day, Hilary Mantel. And possibly Beyond Black (same)

squoosh Fri 14-Jun-13 23:52:40

What about the old gardener who stares off into the middle distance mumbling 'aye twas a nasty business, best not go stirring up the past' and then bustles off with his wheelbarrow.

Salmotrutta Fri 14-Jun-13 23:53:55

The creepy village woman would know the vital secret to unlock the ghostly mystery.

But then, she would die, horribly, before passing on the said vital secret.

HauntedArmchairOfDoom Fri 14-Jun-13 23:54:48

ACtually those aren't ghost stories. Not really technically.

Don't get me started though. I can get very boring about this.

Oh oh oh oh ARCANE ARTEFACTS UNCOVERED IN DESERT CLIMES

cf. The Exorcist

And MR James "Oh Whistle and I'll Come to You My Lad" which by the way made me too scared to change the bedlinen for weeks

Salmotrutta Fri 14-Jun-13 23:54:55

I never liked you Haunted...

grin

Alisvolatpropiis Fri 14-Jun-13 23:55:07

Yanbu.

Salmotrutta Fri 14-Jun-13 23:56:28

I don't like arcane artefacts.

Or whistling creepily.

We will stay with fun ghost stories I think.

<scared>

Salmotrutta Fri 14-Jun-13 23:57:09

I will allow a turret.

And an attic.

squoosh Fri 14-Jun-13 23:58:14

Pale blonde twins dressed in matching Edwardian sailor suits only ever heard giggling mirthlessly and fleeing around corners.

HauntedArmchairOfDoom Fri 14-Jun-13 23:58:44

grin

Have you seen this?

I don't find it half as funny as my pals do but it's quite a witty riff on Lovecraft

By the way I am sorry to be shooting my load all over this thread. Ghost stories, you see: by way of being my THING.

usualsuspect Fri 14-Jun-13 23:59:01

The old gardener and creepy village woman exchange knowing glances before being impaled on a garden fork.

Salmotrutta Fri 14-Jun-13 23:59:19

See, squoosh, someone (not me) should write a thesis on the role of the faithful retainer (middle distance staring gardener with wheelbarrow) character in British Ghost Stories.

I think that would run.

Salmotrutta Sat 15-Jun-13 00:01:43

But who impaled them usual?

No-one can then pass on the secrets... sad

Bimblepops Sat 15-Jun-13 00:02:09

It's the stoned scene, I love it!

usualsuspect Sat 15-Jun-13 00:03:44

The pale blonde twins know.

LineRunner Sat 15-Jun-13 00:08:03

I'm going to bed with my Kindle Fire to keep reading and creep myself out.

iheartdusty Sat 15-Jun-13 00:08:04

I read a really good scary story once with a Tower.

The character goes up the Tower in the sunshine and she counts 100 steps.

Then she comes down in a storm, it's all dark, and she counts 101, 102, 103, 104, 105, 106, down and down and down, the steps keep going, her fingernails are getting torn on the wall, the steps keep going down in the dark.....

But was that a ghost story?

tethersend Sat 15-Jun-13 00:08:09
usualsuspect Sat 15-Jun-13 00:15:50

The pale blonde Jedward twins grow up, but they know

Salmotrutta Sat 15-Jun-13 00:17:19

I'm scared to go to bed!

shock

Bimblepops Sat 15-Jun-13 00:18:29

Best to stay up and drink some more gin, Salmo

usualsuspect Sat 15-Jun-13 00:20:11

Hang on, Tethers is allowed Jedward, but I'm not allowed a tower?

hmm

Bimblepops Sat 15-Jun-13 00:22:01

If Jedward are allowed, then I'm out

squoosh Sat 15-Jun-13 00:22:08

No, no, no......the Jedwards are from three generations ago. They are heard playing in the maze (gotta be a maze) but people only ever catch a fleeting glance of them.

Salmotrutta Sat 15-Jun-13 00:24:17

YY to a maze.

With topiary shock

Salmotrutta Sat 15-Jun-13 00:25:09

I should point out that DH is away tonight and I'm a big scaredy-cat...

usualsuspect Sat 15-Jun-13 00:26:50

There is a ghostly childs laughter , before they disappear in the maze.

The old gardener is clipping the hedges...

Salmotrutta Sat 15-Jun-13 00:26:51

Am I like Timmy?

All on my own, and about to Go Up The Attic?

Without turning on the lights?

<wibble>

usualsuspect Sat 15-Jun-13 00:27:44

Before he gets impaled. obvs.

Salmotrutta Sat 15-Jun-13 00:27:45

And the old gardener's eyes are glowing red.

squoosh Sat 15-Jun-13 00:27:58

If you wake in the night to hear a musical box with a rotating ballerina playing RUN to your neighbour's.

Salmotrutta Sat 15-Jun-13 00:28:43

FGS.

I'm scaring myself now.

Salmotrutta Sat 15-Jun-13 00:29:36

My neighbours are ancient.

On the plus side - maybe they have a blunderbuss?

Salmotrutta Sat 15-Jun-13 00:30:47

And if I hear a musical box I will shit myself.

Cos we don't have a musical box.

usualsuspect Sat 15-Jun-13 00:31:41

Elderly neighbours with a secret passage...

squoosh Sat 15-Jun-13 00:33:30

Elderly neighbours, outwardly benign.

Salmotrutta Sat 15-Jun-13 00:35:29

And where would their secret passage go?...

Probably to my winecellar.

<disclaimer: I don't actually have a cellar, but maybe they have access to my underfloor space>

Salmotrutta Sat 15-Jun-13 00:37:24

Outwardly benign.

Inwardly devil-worshipers. shock

That's it.

I'm going to Mum and Dad's.

... Who are also very elderly.

usualsuspect Sat 15-Jun-13 00:38:29

Strange symbols in their front room , bits of goat all over the place?

squoosh Sat 15-Jun-13 00:42:55

You'd be in their dusty and old fashioned sitting room. You would casually glance at a print of a stately home.......with a tower. Upon closer inspection of the tower you would see a tiny figure at the window. Upon even closer inspection you would see that the figure was YOU and that there was an evil creepy thing climbing the tower stairs towards you.

Salmotrutta Sat 15-Jun-13 00:43:04

A strange painting.

That seems to change every time you look at it.

squoosh Sat 15-Jun-13 00:43:43

Ha!

Salmotrutta Sat 15-Jun-13 00:45:06

Oh thanks squoosh.

shock

<hides under cat>

<brightens>

Cats know when ghosties are around, right?

usualsuspect Sat 15-Jun-13 00:46:44

To be continued ...

Salmotrutta Sat 15-Jun-13 00:49:24

Well, I have to go to bed.

And I'm right royally scared now.

But it was funny.

grin

Night all!

<wibble>

LineRunner Sat 15-Jun-13 13:04:18

Strangely enough, when I woke up this morning my bed had completely turned around the other way.

Salmotrutta Sat 15-Jun-13 22:40:03

liney - is your name Reagan by any chance...

Salmotrutta Sat 15-Jun-13 22:40:38

shock

LineRunner Sat 15-Jun-13 22:51:42

Sorry Salmo I made that up to get your attention grin

Or did I .... hahaha

Salmotrutta Sat 15-Jun-13 22:55:22

<head spin>

You biatch.

<vomits on liney's newly painted ceiling>

Hah!!

Salmotrutta Sat 15-Jun-13 23:23:28

We didnt mention the locked door.

There's always a locked door that must not be opened.

LineRunner Sun 16-Jun-13 15:37:41

... but is found opened on its own in the morning ...

Salmotrutta Sun 16-Jun-13 16:18:41

And a faint remaining scent of a woman's perfume... although no woman has lived in the house since the owner's wife died mysteriously many years ago.

LineRunner Sun 16-Jun-13 16:45:44

Salmo, you know you said you were going to vomit on my ceiling? Well either you did, or the stain's come back through on its own after 9 coats of paint.

<goes to investigate clutching Bible>

Salmotrutta Sun 16-Jun-13 17:11:13

Ah, well now, maybe it's like the bloodstain on the floor at Holyrood Palace...

Poor David Rizzio (secretary to Mary Queen of Scots) stabbed to death.

The stain has been washed, and washed but it won't go away... shock

LineRunner Sun 16-Jun-13 18:24:09

OK, well I've added another two coats of matt and that's it.

I've got a creepy staircase skirting board to pollyfiller - there's a crack running up it like a tear in the fabric of space and time. <disappears gradually>

Salmotrutta Sun 16-Jun-13 18:29:18

Stay away from The Crack Liney!!

<hums twilight zone theme>

LineRunner Sun 16-Jun-13 19:09:24

It sucked me in, Salmo, to a strange universe where my teenage DD came out of her room and sat at the top of the stairs chatting to me nicely.

Jestrin Sun 16-Jun-13 19:19:17

Loving that SP wrote 'what's her name with the long hair and lives in a tower ' and the immediate post after by LineRunner was 'Edgar Allen Po (e) ' grin

LineRunner Sun 16-Jun-13 19:21:26

God yes, it was a pissed joke about 'The Po' that went a bit strangely wrong.

Jestrin Sun 16-Jun-13 19:23:29

grin

Salmotrutta Sun 16-Jun-13 19:32:03

OMG Liney shock

A parallel world...

LineRunner Sun 16-Jun-13 19:43:32

I am now imagining a parallel universe written by Edgar Allen Po where there are a lot of pursed lips.

Salmotrutta Sun 16-Jun-13 19:56:25

And sidelong glances.

LineRunner Sun 16-Jun-13 20:20:08

And tutting.

Salmotrutta Sun 16-Jun-13 20:26:10

And bosom- hoiking a la Les Dawson.

What bout those freaky china doll things?

And I wonder if mumsnet towers is haunted?

usualsuspect Sun 16-Jun-13 20:33:30

And feeling sorry for our children.

LineRunner Sun 16-Jun-13 22:20:52

My children feel sorry for my children tbh.

Salmotrutta Sun 16-Jun-13 22:24:27

Dolls are spooky - especially collections of old dolls with their horrible little teeth.

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