This is emotional blackmail. There must be laws against this, surely?

(244 Posts)
D0oinMeCleanin Fri 14-Jun-13 21:44:49

I can have them grounded arrested or something, no?

I got a lovely glitter painting from my DC. It's of a no smoking sign and a dead person hmm.

It has glitter gel pen writing on it.

It reads "Mammy, please stop smoking. It is bad for you. You will die a lot sooner than you normally would. It will make you really poorly. We don't want you to die [insert face with glitter tears]

People who want you to stop
[insert dd1, dd2 and DH's signature]

Me and dd2 and Daddy would want you to quit. It would make us very happy. We love you lots"

This is worse than those awful bloody adverts with the children.

Please tell me I can punish them? This is just wrong. Glitter should not be used this way.

D0oinMeCleanin Fri 14-Jun-13 21:45:38

Oh and I sent them to bed an hour ago, I can at least ground them for that, can't I?

D0oinMeCleanin Fri 14-Jun-13 21:46:36

And they took the glitter paint upstairs. Paint is not allowed upstairs. That's a groundable offense, yes?

Smart kids! Well done to them I say. stop bloody smoking, it's not that hard, and that's coming from an ex 30 a dayer. It will mean you won't die so young and you won't smell either.

propertyNIGHTmareBEFOREXMAS Fri 14-Jun-13 21:48:47

Don't make a joke about something that is not funny sad. You might do better to think and take on board the sad message that your children are trying to convey to you.

MalcolmTuckersMum Fri 14-Jun-13 21:50:00

Get yourself an e-cig. Job done!

cortado Fri 14-Jun-13 21:50:51

Tell them that you smoking will reduce the state pension liabilities they will have to fund for you when they grow up. That'll learn em.

D0oinMeCleanin Fri 14-Jun-13 21:51:30

I have one Malcolm. I never got on with it. It makes me cough and makes my chest feel all tight. Maybe I should try a different brand?

Footface Fri 14-Jun-13 21:54:02

Have you tried to stop smoking? I used to smoke. Loads. Feel like such a fool for every smoking and falling for the propaganda from the cigarette companies

SugarPasteGreyhound Fri 14-Jun-13 21:54:32

You know they are right, don't you? And I say that as an ex 20 a day smoker!

I remember begging my Mum to give up smoking. It took emphysema and a home oxygen tank before she did. DH's mum passed from cancer which had spread to her lungs; it wasn't a nice way to die.

I know it feels shit to be lectured about it. You feel guilty enough already. I enjoyed smoking. But I enjoy being healthy more.

It is do-able, but you need to be willing to give it a go.

zukiecat Fri 14-Jun-13 21:55:54

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Yettish Fri 14-Jun-13 21:56:19

That's really sad. How come you're not racked with guilt and shame, OP?

Just give up. It's not hard.

Szeli Fri 14-Jun-13 21:56:20

Those e cig are awful! So addictive and so strong! They just don't cater to lighter smokers.

If you do want to quit try cutting down then cutting out.

GeordieCherry Fri 14-Jun-13 21:57:46

Do you want to carry on smoking or do you want to give up?

ImagineJL Fri 14-Jun-13 21:58:21

I think that's really sad. Do you feel ready to have another go at giving up? I hope you do.

FoxyRevenger Fri 14-Jun-13 21:58:57

OP I bloody miss smoking.

That's some cunning behaviour, dude. I mean, glitter. There's no need to invoke The Glitter Covenant which states that you MOST OBEY. Bastards. grin

Dawndonna Fri 14-Jun-13 21:59:11

Those who say it's not hard to quit, that may have been the case for you, but for some it's harder.
Yes, OP you really should. Having said that, I gave up last year at the age of 54. I found an ecig that was actually nicotine free, it took me three weeks and I did put on weight, but I haven't had a fag, ecig or otherwise, for eighteen months.

HeffalumpTheFlump Fri 14-Jun-13 21:59:32

Definitely try a different brand of e cig, I have tried 3 different brands and found I got along best with the menthol vapestick. I didn't used to smoke menthol but I don't like the flavour of the tobacco ones. If you try to give up good luck smile

rootypig Fri 14-Jun-13 21:59:38

OP grin grin

all offences. Send them to bed with no dinner grin

(and do quit the fags)

OutragedFromLeeds Fri 14-Jun-13 21:59:52

Quit smoking.

Apart from all the health benefits it will be a really strong, positive message to your DD's that you care about their feelings and that they can have a positive impact on their own lives and environment.

We'll all support you <hands over nicotine patch>.

NoobyNoob Fri 14-Jun-13 22:04:23

It's not hard? What bullshit!

It's the hardest thing to do!! I'm currently in the midst of not smoking and its been the hardest month of my fucking life. I've even faltered a few times but I get back up and try again.

OP - listen to the message they're giving you and try to stop before it stops you.

takeaway2 Fri 14-Jun-13 22:05:06

My FIL quit a couple of years ago. Mil
Still smokes and they live in the same house but he is so much healthier for it. Do quit. My dad is still guilt ridden that he might have caused me to develop asthma as he smoked when I was v little. He stopped. My brother was born. No asthma.

WorraLiberty Fri 14-Jun-13 22:05:23

E-Lites are the best brand imo and they also cater for light smokers.

You've got very clever manipulative kids lol grin

I think this could catch on, although I'm not sure how some people would feel about receiving a card like that if they were drinking heavily or eating themselves into obesity.

It would probably make them think, although it could upset them.

MalcolmTuckersMum Fri 14-Jun-13 22:06:39

Actually any amount of guilt piling will have no effect whatsoever on a smoker who is not ready to quit. You're all wasting your typing energy. Do you honestly think a smoker doesn't know all that shizz? Of course they do.
Jeeze - preachy types! Understand this - It. Never. Works.

D0oin I'm using the Halo from Smoker's Angel as recommended by some lovely person on Chat. Never looked back. I heartily recommend them - and their customer service is second to none.

Little buggers! Make them eat sprouts for a week grin

D0oin, I was up to nearly 40 a day 11 years ago. I could barely cope at work, going hours between breaks. Plus the astonishing cost of cigarettes then, I think it's doubled since. I had to use nicotine gum stuff if I was going on a flight or something.
One day I woke up and I knew that was it for me. No more cigarettes. I was done with being dependant on something so stupid.
11 years, cold turkey, no aids, no patches. Hate it with a passion now.
Good luck, you can do it, if you truly want to.

deleted203 Fri 14-Jun-13 22:13:50

Pressure and guilt do not work. Neither does emotional blackmail. Everyone knows smoking is bad for you, but it's fucking hard to quit - assuming you even want to.

Would recommend Champix tablets from GP, however, if you do want to quit. After 30 years of smoking I tried these and gave up very easily 2 years ago. I have since started again, unfortunately, but am going to have another go - they really did help me not want a cigarette.

InkleWinkle Fri 14-Jun-13 22:14:24

Glitter you say?? Lock 'em in their rooms for the rest of the year at least!

Although, could you commit to them that you will cut down to start with?

D0oinMeCleanin Fri 14-Jun-13 22:20:14

I know I should quit but I love smoking.

I've tried half heartedly a few times, but never last more than a few days. My mum who quit a couple of years ago after many failed attempts has told me you need to be really ready to quit and I'm just not. I like smoking. I would miss smoking.

I know I need to give another. Bloody glitter paints and to add insult to injury it was me what paid for the bastard glitter paint.. I had to smoke cheap-y roll ups that week I spent half my money on craft stuff for the litte buggers.

I might order a couple of e-cigs and see which ones I like.

CocacolaMum Fri 14-Jun-13 22:20:54

it is not hard. But only if you want to quit.

I still crave it 7 yrs on but when that craving is getting to you there is a secret I just don't have one. Its really that simple. Now if only I could apply this to other things in my life..

Try this trick. Think of George Clooney whoever floats your boat. now, imagine they knock on your door and say, "I've come to whisk you away to Bora Bora wherever you fancy. Come with me now, my limo is outside". If your first thought would be, "but where are my fags and lighter" then you are me 10 years ago. The thought that I would rather use any drug than go to Bora Bora with George Clooney made me realise I don't want to be that addicted to anything.

If you are reading, George, I've given up smoking if Bora Bora is still on the imaginary table.

MalcolmTuckersMum Fri 14-Jun-13 22:22:51

Oh blimey D0oin I hear you. I loved smoking too. I really did. I miss it - be lying if I said otherwise. I dream about it. I follow people in the street so I can get a whiff of it. Others who have quit tell me this will pass. I hope so - it's almost worse than being dependant on them! Anyway - you'll do it when you're ready - and if you need support then you'll find it here. I found them especially nice on Chat where there was an e cig thread - dunno if it's still there?

SugarPasteGreyhound Fri 14-Jun-13 22:24:56

I agree, you need to want to. Someone who has never smoked won't understand this, but you need to be mentally in the right place IYSWIM. Quitting takes serious willpower even with a nicotine replacement aid, and if you aren't mentally committed then your chances of success aren't that great.

You will up one day and you'll feel it. What did it for me, was worrying every time I lit a cigarette that this one might be the one that started the chain reaction for as chronic or potentially fatal illness.

rootypig Fri 14-Jun-13 22:26:55

I love smoking D0oin. I quit to have DD (7mo) and have just started having the odd fag and it's LOVELY. all I can say is, if you just have a few, they're nicer. but then I smoke rollies so what do I know grin

Thisvehicleisreversing Fri 14-Jun-13 22:28:19

I used to lecture my DM about smoking when I was a very annoying child. I put little letters under her door begging her to stop.

She never did. Until 3 years ago when she was diagnosed with lung cancer.

Last month she was told another lung tumour has appeared and she's currently in hospital due to the chemo bringing on dehydration and infection.

I know it's the hardest thing to quit, but telling your kids you've got lung cancer is harder.

HeffalumpTheFlump Fri 14-Jun-13 22:30:44

I was just like that, absolutely loved it. I only managed to give up because I fell pregnant. I completely get how hard it is, and you are right you need to really want to. Being pregnant has been the only thing to keep me off the fags. I never want to start again because if I don't have any more children I will never be able to stop off my own willpower alone.

D0oin - if and when you find yourself ready, some of us have a little quitting smoking support thread going and you would be more than welcome. I gave in to the same pressure (no glitter here though) from my DDs and tomorrow will be 336 hours two weeks without a fag. I'm quite astonished at myself actually.

Glitter upstairs?

Grounded! grin Your DH should no better.

No one cam force you to quit. I smoke and have no plans to quit. I tried a while back but it didn't last because as soon as I get pissed all I want is cigs.

zeno Fri 14-Jun-13 22:35:38

I did laugh, as it reminded me of us three kids putting a massive poster of superman and nic o'teen above my parents bed. We campaigned tirelessly for many years, and never gave up trying to help them to give up.

Sadly neither of my parents was ever really ready to quit and they are both now dead, before reaching retirement age, of smoking related disease.

The guilt I feel as a daughter for not having been able to save them is awful, and it is mixed up with being terribly cross with them for not trying hard enough, but also terribly sad for them that they got caught up in it in the first place. They are missing so much, and we are all missing them so much.

I hope something changes for you and that you will find yourself ready to quit. Good luck.

D0oinMeCleanin Fri 14-Jun-13 22:36:17

I'm very sorry to hear about your mum Vehicle. I hope she recovers. The stupid thing is DH's father died of lung cancer so I know first hand the effect it has on children, even grown up ones.

I really need to quit don't I? sad Who made my children so bloody clever?!? They need hanging whoever they are.

I do love 'lighting' my e-cig in crowded places and then watching people start to cough and splutter. I can still entertain myself with that at least grin

My DD used to do that, I wish id listened because now at 16 she is smoking and I don't have a leg to stand on when I tell her to stop, so now we have a plan to give up together its a fact if you smoke your children are more likely to do so. But its bloody hard I don't care what people say, its easy for a few months but I always go back

Alan Carr Easy Way to Stop Smoking book: actually deprogrammes you from wanting to smoke. You can smoke when reading it. At the end you just don't want to smoke. No horror stories or guilt trips. 80-90% success rate. Written by a man who used to smoke 60-80 a day.

Unbelievable but look at reviews on amazon if you don't believe me. There are also half day group clinics which do same thing - look up Alan Carr method.

Here's the thread, all are welcome:

Quitting Smoking One Day at a Time thread

D0oinMeCleanin Fri 14-Jun-13 22:44:38

I have that book in print and on my kindle. I never ordered it on Kindle. I had to borrow dd1's Kindle for work when mine broke, when I got to work all of my Ice and Fire books had been deleted from her library and all that was left to read was Alan Carr's Stop Smoking book hmm

Someone needs to tell that child it is wrong to be so cunning and clever at that age or she'll end up ruling the world one day, then you'll all be sorry grin

NotYoMomma Fri 14-Jun-13 22:44:44

Im sorry but can I just say I nearly pissed myself laughing at the mental imageof a glittery dead person and a no smoking sign?

FOrsuch a serious issueit was a funny as hell OP lol

I have read that book loads of times, it is yet to deprogram me, the only thing that worked for me is champix but even then after 6mnths I got pissed had a fag and it was all downhill from there.

Trucks and it's such a sickening irony that he still ended up dying of lung cancer.

They clearly love you and want you to be healthy, and are scared you will die early or live with some debilitating breathing difficulties , yes what a horrid family hmm

How can you ground them for loving you?

If your children wanted to go play out in the road you wouldn't let them would you? That's dangerous too. Just because something is enjoyable doesn't make it less dangerous or more acceptable.

I'd be gutted that my family felt they had to go so far to get me to realise what I was doing.

Szeli Fri 14-Jun-13 22:47:56

I'm with rootypig I now hide my smoking from my son the same way I hid it from my parents 10 years ago (still do).

Managed to get to the point where it's the odd one socially and that way I don't feel like I'm 'not allowed' and therefore smoke less. Cod logic but it works for meeeee.

Certainly never buy glitter again

HootShoot Fri 14-Jun-13 22:48:28

They are clever and wise children! I completely agree that you need to really want to give up for it to work. I loved smoking too but gave up when my mum was diagnosed with lung cancer, she had smoked all her adult life. The ridiculous thing is when she was diagnosed as terminal I started again! She was 62 and I was 31 when she died - too young for both of us.

It was getting pregnant that gave me the willpower I needed to finally quit for good. Three years later and I don't miss it at all. I really hope you find the thing that makes you give up, whether its all glittery or not!

miffybun73 Fri 14-Jun-13 22:49:25

Emotional blackmail yes, but surely it will work and you'll never smoke again.

Feelslikea1sttimer Fri 14-Jun-13 22:50:14

Ground them!!!!

My son tried to get me to stop by saying 'if you die mum, we'll have to go live with dad and you know that will make us have a horrible life'

It worked... Cos it was true! still have a crafty one when drunk, they are the best ones

Teenage that is what happened to me last time. Went out drinking and had "just one". Six months later I was back on 15-20 a day.

Think I have to accept that I'm a proper addict, just like an alcoholic or heroin addict. Once an addict, always an addict. You know how they say "a reformed alcoholic is an alcoholic who doesn't drink" well that (hopefully) will be me for the rest of my days, a smoker who doesn't smoke.

OP sorry for the hijack! I really think you should give it some serious thought, but you can't do it for anyone other than yourself.

Albertinaschnauzer Fri 14-Jun-13 22:51:09

I am sorry but the OP made me grin.

Does that make me a bad person?

It was the glittery tears that did, sorry grin

Finola1step Fri 14-Jun-13 22:52:34

Hi OP. I was just like you 8 years ago. Started at 14 and loved smoking. It sounds odd, but it's true.

Gradually got fed up with the smell and the cost. Not to mention the normal winter colds which would turn into hacking coughs and chest infections.

I decided to stop. Bought the Alan Carr book. Had if on my book shelf for m

TooHotToFuss Fri 14-Jun-13 22:52:58

What? Seriously?

You want children who love you, and at such a young age are already aware that Mummy is doing something that will take them away from her. Something she loves, though she says she loves them.

I watched a 35 year old man die with a tracheotomy in his throat, unable to sit up without losing his breath, a good friend lost her granded to Emphysema ... oh yeah, and the smell and the wrinkles and the tar and the cancer...

No part of it is funny. At all. I hope you're clear on passive smoking too. Or are they going to need a glitter gun for that one?

Feelslike - I am SO JEALOUS of people like you who can just have a "crafty one" now and then! But for me to have the few good ones (first one in the morning with coffee, mmmmm, the one walking home from work, mmmmm, the one after a gin & tonic, double mmmmm) I have to smoke all the other gross, smelly, expensive, inconvenient ones. Utter Crap.

I can't believe people are finding it funny. These kids are scared and people r laughing sad

TooHotToFuss Fri 14-Jun-13 22:56:51

I don't find it funny Caffeine drip ... though there is a level of irony in your name.

Finola1step Fri 14-Jun-13 22:57:05

Oops. Posted too soon.

On my book shelf for months. Still smoked. Then one day, picked it up. Read to page 7. Stopped smoking.

The big thing for me is that I stopped. I didn't give up smoking as giving up something automatically makes that thing more desirable. I just stopped choosing to put a lighted cigarette in my mouth.

I was a committed 20 a day minimum smoker for 17 years. Stopping is by far one of the best things I ever did.

TheOriginalSteamingNit Fri 14-Jun-13 22:57:44

God there's a lot of piety on here! Yes of course it's better not to smoke, and you should probably stop.

But one can't help sometimes feeling a bit of envy for the people who lived in the time when it was ok to have a fag sometimes!

rootypig Fri 14-Jun-13 22:59:31

It is, like most things in life, both very funny and a bit sad and crap.

Ok the OP is more funny than most things in life. grin grin grin

Feelslikea1sttimer Fri 14-Jun-13 23:00:33

I did have to be careful for a while as I almost turned into a raging alcoholic as I was pouring a drink just so I could have a cig...

rootypig Fri 14-Jun-13 23:02:02

Feelslike grin you lot have me in stitches! all so true. tonight it was one very large drink and one fag on the step outside and I'm going to bed happy

TooHotToFuss Fri 14-Jun-13 23:03:15

"In spiritual terminology, piety is a virtue that can mean religious devotion, spirituality, or a combination of both. A common element in most conceptions of piety is humility."

No religious devotion to non-smoking here - none needed. Just good old scientific fact. It has shitty ingredients, it harms those around you, it can kill. The Bible of Smoking Chapter One: Verse Fucking All of Them.

Go back to those times? Where you would go to the cinema and have some light up behind you and there was sod all you could do? Suffer the smokers in the work canteen? No thanks!

ComposHat Fri 14-Jun-13 23:04:56

Can't you buy them their own pack of cigs so they can share the fun?

It could be a nice family activity. Maybe start them on the Silk Cuts, that'll stop the anti smoking Nazis from getting on your case. Silk Cuts are good for you.

WorraLiberty Fri 14-Jun-13 23:05:08

Oh for goodness sake, of course the OP 'gets it'.

She's adding humour to the thread because because right now she's an addict, she's obviously ashamed that she's upsetting her kids but right this very minute, she can do nothing.

"Mummy, we're very worried that your BMI means that you're obese. You're always joking on Mumsnet about how many jaffa cakes you've eaten and all your friends laugh along with you. You never take any exercise either. We're worried that your weight means you're going to die younger...and you're more likely to suffer from chronic diseases. Please lose weight for our sake."

What if some of you got a message like that? Would you run out and buy healthy food immediately and start flinging yourself around the lounge to the latest fitness DVD?

No, of course you wouldn't. You'd have to run it through your mind, think about what you're doing to yourself and how your kids feel about it...and THEN hopefully make an action plan to stop overeating.

If during that process you use a little humour, then so be it if it helps.

TheOriginalSteamingNit Fri 14-Jun-13 23:09:26

Yes, worra. Exactly.

I said one can't help but feel that... I didnt say I thought it would be great of everyone smoked everywhere all the time. But when you are in that place, it does seem a little bit of a shame that you missed the time when you could wave a silver case at someone and say 'cigarette?' and leap frogged straight to the time of MUMMY YOU ARE GOING TO DIE STOP DOING THAT THING YOU LIKE. It's not necessarily rational, but it is so.

TooHotToFuss Fri 14-Jun-13 23:10:00

You're right Compos Hat - next comes special lessons in the homework so the children "get the lingo" to quasi-justify it.

Before you know it they'll be "havin' a crafty one" and "nippin out for some facts" with the best of them. No money for glitter then either!

MalcolmTuckersMum Fri 14-Jun-13 23:12:15

Hear Hear worra.

And caffeinedrip if you're going to be all preachy and shouty at the OP at least spell 'are' with all if its component letters. Substituting with just 'r' is pointless and lazy - it's hardly the longest word you're going to have to type all night is it?

woodchuck Fri 14-Jun-13 23:12:27

OP, sorry to hear about your glitter. MIL tells a similar story of her DCs (now-Dh and siblings) telling her she would die. It didn't do a damn bit of good. She finally quit 20 plus years later after visiting her premature newborn niece in hospital, struggling to breathe. I guess the moral of the story is you have to be ready.

Quitting smoking is hard. Anybody who says otherwise has never been a dependent smoker. Saying that, the fact that you have posted at all suggests that you may be thinking about quitting smoking. have you been in touch with your local 'Stop Smoking Service'? You are 4x more likely to quit for good if you engage specialist advice and use stop smoking medicine (pardon the corporate tagline. Yes, I do work for an NHS Stop Smoking Service). If you go this route, your adviser will find the right medicine for youto help you quit. Have you thought about using Champix/Zyban? These medicines work by reducing your urge to smoke.

DH quit 4 years ago using Champix. Since then we have been able to take the kids to Disneyworld twice. Not sayng these things are related, you understand!

D0oinMeCleanin Fri 14-Jun-13 23:12:51

They get pocket money for that kind of thing Compos wink

Sorry, couldn't help it

Of course I will think about what they've wrote but a glittery corpse is mildly amusing. They have plenty of paints they could've chose from.

poorbuthappy Fri 14-Jun-13 23:16:55

Chamoix worked for me in March 2012. But it is only willpower which stops me every single bloody day.

rootypig Fri 14-Jun-13 23:18:37

they are crafty, OP, like my fags! the glitter is a devious touch. you're in trouble

goan, you can do it

poorpaws Fri 14-Jun-13 23:18:45

It's very very hard to quit smoking. I used the nicotine gum then got addicted to that, went on to ordinary chewing gum and got addicted to that too. I dare not ever smoke again as I could never go through it again. Giving up alcohol was far easier.

OP it's very difficult but so worth it when you do. Saving your cigarette money to buy luxury items you could normally not afford/justify is a fabulous feeling.


TooHotToFuss Fri 14-Jun-13 23:19:56

MalcolmTuckersMum if you are going to go down the pedant route maybe you should proofread your own offerings so you do not carelessly substitute 'if' for 'of.' Also, technically you should not utilise contractions in written standard English - unless you were deliberately intending to adopt an informal parlance. In which case, that hardly lends credence to your own point about being lazy in typing.

ComposHat Fri 14-Jun-13 23:25:12

Of course I will think about what they've wrote but a glittery corpse is mildly amusing

Are you a fan of T-Rex? Perhaps they'd included a pic of the death of Marx Bolam all done up in his glitter.

TooHotToFuss Fri 14-Jun-13 23:28:27

Yes, a child drawing a picture of her mother's dead body is funny. Yes because it's sparkly. Ha-ha.

Maybe next time get her to use wax-crayon - not a medium known to attract detached amusement.

Justfornowitwilldo Fri 14-Jun-13 23:30:51

Quit. I wouldn't bother with e-cigs. They're just a different way to feed addiction and pay money to big companies.

Justfornowitwilldo Fri 14-Jun-13 23:31:59

The glitter shows a certain flair. Sparkly death is more visually arresting grin

Pennies Fri 14-Jun-13 23:57:33

OP "I like smoking. I would miss smoking"

I really like smoking. I worked for Imperial Tobacco FFS. I gave up 11 years ago and I still miss it. I would light up now if I could. I looked cool doing it (you know how some people just look good with a cigarette in a kind of 50's Hollywood kind of way), I loved it.

My key to giving up was telling my friends that I was trying to give up and just how much I loved it. Previously I would get all Puritanical on them and say how I hadn't smoked for a week and how I abhorred smoking so my friends (who were a lot younger at the time) would try and derail that a bit (in a kind of "are you sure you've quit" sadistic kind of way). Then I said "I'm quitting - don't make it harder for me by offering me one" and they didn't.

Be honest with yourself and your friends about it. Accept it will always be a temptation. However the total genius of it is that that temptation will be gone in 20 minutes. This was what got me through it during the times when i would smoke without friends near. Your craving will soon pass. Find something to d for the next 20 minutes and before you know it your craving will have passed.

When I was giving up I was told that it takes 14 days to make a habit and 21 days to break a habit. After 21 days it was easy. I still get the occasional fleeting craving but I can laugh about it now and would never act on it.

Considering your children's exhortations to you to give up, 21 days isn't long.

Good luck.

ComposHat Sat 15-Jun-13 00:06:07

Toohot Change the record and stop being such a tedious arse ache about it.

SirBoobAlot Sat 15-Jun-13 00:11:13

I think that's really sad actually.

The amount of times I used to cry myself to sleep at night, convinced that both my parents would die and leave me alone, because they were both smokers. And then worrying because every time I developed a cough, I was worried I was dying as they smoked around me. They knew how much it upset me to watch them slowly killing themselves. They both still smoke.

Listen to your children.

TooHotToFuss Sat 15-Jun-13 00:16:10

I really don't care how obstreperous I am perceived as being - I just hope the OP gives as much attention to the meaning as the medium. It is not funny - a child has written what they clearly perceive to be an important message in what is probably their best pen, in the hope they are finally listened to for good.

You are clearly raising thoughtful and perceptive children OP - I wish you and them all the best, whatever you decide.

HerrenaHarridan Sat 15-Jun-13 00:32:53

Pin it up on the wall

ComposHat Sat 15-Jun-13 00:34:00

Yes you've made that abundantly clear. I think as reasonably intelligent people we get the message, but are also enjoying the black humour. It is quite possible to do both.

By the way you aren't being obstreperous, just a crashing bore and a killjoy.

Alisvolatpropiis Sat 15-Jun-13 00:38:31

Do you want to quit OP? We all know the health risks,financial expenditure, you want to quit? If not,emotional blackmail or not, your children's encouragement is wasted.

I love the "how hard is it to quit, I managed" brigade. Nobody ever says the same of alcohol or heroin despite nicotine being more addictive than both.

Nothing better than a sanctimonious former smoker to tell you what's what is there grin

TooHotToFuss Sat 15-Jun-13 00:45:47

You know what really kills joy? Smoking!

Change the record? "No, smoking is fine!" No, thanks!

I have had too many people I know affected, or lost, by this. SirBoobALot articulated it so well. I'd rather be a tedious arse ache than experience the terminal heart ache of losing someone to cancer.

One definition of obstreperous - resistant to control. Another - clamorous - I am happy to be both of those when it comes to the smoking debate. I'll sign off here, thank you in advance for whatever your pithy and no doubt superior verbal riposte will be.

Concreteblonde Sat 15-Jun-13 00:50:33

Childrens bereavement support groups often encourage kids to express their grief through arty, crafty type work.
Your kids are shit scared that you are going to smoke yourself to death OP. Just give the damn things up before some stranger is facilitating a support group amd helping them make glittery pictures to remember mum.

Alisvolatpropiis Sat 15-Jun-13 00:51:23


Hardly in the spirit of AiBU is it?

As it goes by Taid is dying a slow death following two major strokes, a brain haemorrhage and many mini strokes. It's been attributed to him smoking. That's my maternal grand father. My paternal grandfather was one of 10,8 have died of pancreatic cancer. My paternal gram other has had and survived breast cancer in her 70's. given my own odds cancer/ stroke wise, I may as well carry on smoking. Something has to get us all.

Alisvolatpropiis Sat 15-Jun-13 00:52:25

*my Taid


D0oinMeCleanin Sat 15-Jun-13 00:53:36

I wish I'd never started smoking, Alis. I wish I didn't love the way I do. I would like to want to quit, but honestly, no, until tonight, I did not want to quit, now I feel forced into at least trying to cut down dramatically <sigh>

Compos, I don't they know who T-Rex are, they (or dd1) just love glitter. If dd2 had had any say in it, it would have been written in Deco pens, she loves the way the colours write over each other so brightly and glitter glue would have been used instead of gel pens.

You realise that when dd1 takes over the world, which she will one day, she intends to make it illegal not to own a pet, if you won't choose a pet, you will be allocated one from the international rescue she plans on setting up with all of your tax money. This is the child who used to play "gov-y-munts" while all of her peers were playing pirates and princesses. You should all be thinking of ways to thwart her genius manipulation, not encourage it.

ComposHat Sat 15-Jun-13 00:54:53

Cheery bye... don't let the door hit you on the arse on the way out.

Save your patronising evangelical zeal for someone who gives a toss. We are all adults we know smoking is bad for you. There is no need to harp on about it in every post as if it is some secret information to which you alone are party. It is a surefire way to get people's backs up.

My Grandfather died of a heart attack almost certainly caused by heavy smoking, and was a contributing factor in the death of my other grandfather. My father is a heavy smoker, whom I dearly wished didn't smoke and is already suffering breathing difficulites in his early 60s. Believe it or not you don't have a monopoly on smoking related death.

I wished all these people in my life hadn't smoked, but ceaseless nagging didn't work on them, because they enjoyed it and knew the risks.

Alisvolatpropiis Sat 15-Jun-13 01:00:56

I wish I'd never started too OP. I started at about the same time I discovered I could use it to cover other behaviours.

I just feel that, whether I look at my maternal or paternal family quitting is essentially pointless.

Nonetheless I've yet to be lucky enough to have children,perhaps my futile outlook will change.

Smoking is very bad,don't get me wrong, but one can only quit if you really want to. Because if you don't all you can focus on is losing something you enjoyed.

If you're going to quit, do it because you want to. As I have said,nicotine has been proven to be more addictive than heroin. Genuinely think more support should be available

Theyoniwayisnorthwards Sat 15-Jun-13 01:59:19

Alan Carr book helped me quit the first time but it took unexpected pregnancy to knock it on the head for good. I was 20 a day for 10 years, I've been off them over 3 years now and cannot stand the smell anymore.

Its so easy to laugh it off and carry on as you are but they are going to great lengths to get through to you. Listen to your children.

sashh Sat 15-Jun-13 06:56:40

My mother would have torn that up, given me a bruised behind and sent me to bed.

But that's not the point.

Why don't you try to just see how long you can go without one?

Have a treat for each milestone, so 1 hour - piece of chocolate, 4 hours bath with lots of bubbles, 1 day a nice scarf etc.

Get the kids involved, use a stop watch and a star chart.

My dad never actually gave up smoking, but he did try to see how long he could go without and is 30+ years now.

bigkidsdidit Sat 15-Jun-13 06:59:13

I smoked 20 a day for 10 years, read Allen Carr and stopped there and then. Haven't had one since and that was six years ago. Give it a try!

Please stop smoking. I watched my dad die of lung cancer, it's nothing nice going to visit your dad on the cancer ward or the hospice.

MalcolmTuckersMum Sat 15-Jun-13 07:17:22

Look - with the best will in the world and not to detract from anyone's personal agony - all the telling of dreadful tales of family illness and misery attributed to smoking will not convince a smoker to stop. It just won't. You'd be hard put to find a single smoker anywhere who quit because of someone else's unhappy story.
If you don't and have never smoked you simply can't understand the way it grabs you and holds you to a point well beyond reason. Please don't think you can hector a smoker into quitting. You cannot.

exoticfruits Sat 15-Jun-13 07:27:08

If I was your child I would resort to emotional blackmail, or whatever it took. Of course you can hector a person to quit, Malcolm- at least I would try and not give up- especially if I loved the person and wanted them to have a long life.(as in OP).

No ones denied its addictive malcolm. The point is no matter how much you love it, you should love your children more.

If your dc were miserable at school you would speak to teachers or move their school.

If your partner was miserable at work you would support them through looking for a new job.

If your pets were miserable you would enrich their environment or take them for more walks.

In other words you would seek to help your family through anything that wasn't making them happy and do your best to help where you can to achieve that.

If people post about their spouses suffering any other kind of addiction like gambling , alcohol, drugs the amount of people who's response is to LTB is unbelievable especially when it reaches the point where the children are distressed about it.

Yet somehow smokin is acceptable and will be defended no matter how much the family beg them to stop. No matter how upset and scared they are.

No ones denied its addictive malcolm. The point is no matter how much you love it, you should love your children more.

If your dc were miserable at school you would speak to teachers or move their school.

If your partner was miserable at work you would support them through looking for a new job.

If your pets were miserable you would enrich their environment or take them for more walks.

In other words you would seek to help your family through anything that wasn't making them happy and do your best to help where you can to achieve that.

If people post about their spouses suffering any other kind of addiction like gambling , alcohol, drugs the amount of people who's response is to LTB is unbelievable especially when it reaches the point where the children are distressed about it.

Yet somehow smokin is acceptable and will be defended no matter how much the family beg them to stop. No matter how upset and scared they are.

namelessposter Sat 15-Jun-13 07:31:25

I used to ask my Dad to quit. I loved him very much and to me it felt like every fag was him declaring, 'I'm not bothered about being at your wedding'; ' I don't care if I'm dead young and never meet my grandkids'; 'it's ok by me to leave your mum to live the last 30 years of her life alone'. He did quit eventually (when I was in my thirties). I was so proud of him. Nice that your kids love you so much.

PleasePudding Sat 15-Jun-13 07:35:07

Oh god I love smoking and miss it so bloody much. As someone else said not all the fags but the best fags, the one with coffee, the one in the dusk in the garden with your best friend and a bottle of wine and so much endless conversation, the one outside a club chatting to a really funny guy.

I gave up when pregnant with DC1 but slid back into it because a "cheeky cig" quickly became 10 a day and it was so nice to have the time to myself outside. Anyway I got pregnant with DC3 an gave up again but was terrified that I'd go back but went to a wedding, got pissed and smoked a cigarette that wasn't at all like my normal brand and it was so disgusting that I've so far been not really wanting one either with wine or coffee, only occasionally when DH is a complete arse.

Anyway that is irrelevant but non-smokers never ever get how totally, totally fabulous smoking can feel.

I think OP's DC sounds hilarious and exceptionally clever and all public health messages are missing out on a liberal scattering of glitter.

Why do people get sanctimonious about it?

MalcolmTuckersMum Sat 15-Jun-13 07:42:07

Please yours is a salutary tale and is why I'm avoiding getting pissed for the time being! I know it would take very very little for me to slide right back. I think it's the first morning fag with coffee that I miss most. Tbh by the time you've been through 20 and it's bedtime they taste pretty vile - I wish I knew why I'd done that for so long when they weren't even nice! I have a friend who only smokes when she goes on holiday - stops the minute she comes back and doesn't touch one again until the next holiday. I so wish I could be like that. I can't. sad

SillyTilly123 Sat 15-Jun-13 08:03:12

We (me and my brother) also used to beg my mam to stop smoking. She used to laugh at us and was of the 'it'll never happen to me' brigade. She died of lung cancer at 48 sad Luckily (in a way) I was grown up, but if she had of died while we were young I'm not sure how I would of coped.

What got me was my 2 cousins and aunty and uncle were going out for a cig while we watched my mam die this horrible, painful, undignified death. Incontinent, hallucinating, could hardly speak or catch her breath. She weighed just 7 stone when she died and looked like a skeleton. I dont understand why anyone would want this for themselves or for their children to watch.

When she found out it was terminal she said "sorry" to me and my brother. What were we meant to say to that? We said "it's ok" we wanted to say "we bloody told you so!" I dont think the anger at her will ever go away tbh. Its sad than when I think of my mam dying im sad but then anger always rears its head and it shouldnt be that way when thinking of someone you loved with all your heart.

I hope you can find the strength to stop. x

DumSpiroSpero Sat 15-Jun-13 08:10:25

I wished all these people in my life hadn't smoked, but ceaseless nagging didn't work on them, because they enjoyed it and knew the risks.

I can sympathise, because it's so hard to quit/do anything unless you're totally ready (in my case it's diet & exercise).

I nagged my mum incessantly to stop smoking when I was growing up, she finally managed 7 years ago, by which time I was 31 & my own daughter 2. She went cold turkey the day after DD's birthday having smoked for 56 years. I am very proud of her but occassionally can't help but feel a bit sad/resentful that she did it for DD but couldn't do it for me.

You probably should try and kick the habit, but be kind to yourself and I think you need to explain to your kids that you will do your best but it may noy happen immediately and while you're trying they need to cut you some slack. There is nothing worse than people being constantly on your case when you are already trying but struggling to do something mentioning no names Mum, if you're reading...

Just a word of advice though. Don't replace the fags with wine gums and get yourself diagnosed with Type 2 diabetes (she's kicked that habit too now!) grin

rootypig Sat 15-Jun-13 08:18:13

Christ caffeine that is a bit much. My Dparentss did plenty of things that made us actively unhappy! moved us to other countries, made us screech and bang on practise musical instruments grin

Look, I know you'll say that those things are different from smoking because they don't threaten someone's health and of course you're right, but please don't fall into the sanctimonious arse's trap of going overboard with your arguments. When we have children we don't abdicate our self entirely, or at least I didn't.

pudding "when DH is a complete arse" yy grin

The point is the hypocrisy of it all. That its not ok for anybody to upset your family unless its mummy and its cigarettes. Because mums are somehow immune to the judgement of bad choices and children expressing concern and love is a punishable offence hmm

The responses would in no way be this pleasant from most people if it was the mum expressing concerns about their husband smoking and the effect in the children.

Katnisscupcake Sat 15-Jun-13 08:27:36

My dh has just got an e-cig and he has got his from and apparently they cater for all levels of smokers and do a starter kit. Apparently it's not a disposable one and supposed to be much better.

This is for anyone reading, once you are ready to give it a go.

Good luck op, whatever you decide.

PleasePudding Sat 15-Jun-13 08:37:47

Caffeine it's not like gambling or alcoholism because in those you lose control of either your money (an therefore your family's security) or your actions.

Smoking is more akin to someone driving recklessly when their children aren't in the car and there is no one else on the road. And I don't think people would say LTB for that would they?

Rootypig what is it about DHs being inflexible and generally arselike that just makes you want to run to the nearest newsagent?

Nalcolm it worries me so much, I don't think continuous pregnancies are part of the NHS guide to helpful tools for smoking cessation.

ExcuseTypos Sat 15-Jun-13 08:38:25

My Sister and I nagged my mum and dad to stop smoking, when we were in our early teens.

They did it. Although I can remember them being very moody for a few months but it was worth it!

rootypig Sat 15-Jun-13 08:40:23

"Because mums are somehow immune to the judgement of bad choices and children expressing concern and love is a punishable offence"


caffeine do we live in the same world? because in the one I'm in, quite the opposite in fact. From the day we get knocked up women are subjected to a relentless stream of chatter about all the ways we are failing / damaging / mortally wounding our children. If you're talking about attitudes on MN, I would suggest that that is why MN is so popular. It's usually some welcome relief from all that Daily Mail hectoring and a place where we can come to be honest and have a laugh.

Anyway I think you're overstating things again. "its not ok for anybody to upset your family unless its mummy and its cigarettes". nonsense. and the OP doesn't say that, does she? reread her post. it's FUNNY.

christinarossetti Sat 15-Jun-13 08:43:54

god that's a sad OP and it's not funny.

e-cigs seem to be the way to go these days - there are lots of different ones that people use and seem to be able to stop smoking real cigarettes.

I would give one of these a go.

Funny? Seriously?

This is how the op's children feel. They made her a sign asking her not to kill herself with cigarettes. Now I have a warped sense of humor and I can laugh at most things. But this is in no way funny!!!

Dahlen Sat 15-Jun-13 08:51:05

That is quite funny. grin I bet you also felt a bit crap though.

You say you've got the Allen Carr book in print and on kindle, but have you actually read it? If not, please do so.

Like you I was a 'proper' smoker (30-a-day plus) and thought I loved it. The book totally changed the way I thought about smoking and I quit, cold turkey, extremely easily after reading it, despite many failed attempts in the years beforehand. That was 7 years ago.

sweetsummerlove Sat 15-Jun-13 08:51:41

im sad for your littles..

*Can't you buy them their own pack of cigs so they can share the fun?

It could be a nice family activity. Maybe start them on the Silk Cuts, that'll stop the anti smoking Nazis from getting on your case. Silk Cuts are good for you.*


rootypig Sat 15-Jun-13 09:00:32

pudding yy, even better, dispatch the arse shopwards, make himself useful grin

OP, I'm not denying that you love smoking, not at all. But what you love is the ritual, the associations, the momentary relief from cravings. The moment to yourself, the moment to calm down and focus, the belief that it is a little pleasure. What you don't really love is the foul taste, the coughing, the smell, the poison. So if you can identify what it is you really enjoy about smoking, you can replace it very easily with something else. The cravings are nothing, not painful or difficult to ignore. The associations are harder, but they can be done.

Ps read Allen Carr. Just do it, you wil. Stop and I promise you won't even miss it.

perplexedpirate Sat 15-Jun-13 09:17:14

Ground them. Also, LTB for DH's part in this travesty.
Also also, give up the fags so they can never do this to you again!
I love my e-cig. Maybe you could get a different brand and let the DCs decorate it with glitter?

AntlersInAllOfMyDecorating Sat 15-Jun-13 09:31:20

I get black humour, I get that Mumsnet is known for its irreverent sense of humour.

In a child's mind - writing in glitter pen means this is something very important, she wants mummy to notice, more than just writing in a pencil - this is how much it matters to me. I have done work on handling emotions and bereavement with LDP students and it is really interesting the time children will spend on decisions about how to express difficult emotions - the colour of the paper, the shapes they use All for feelings they maybe can't fully understand yet. That's why to me the fact she has used glitter makes it more sad, and not funny.

There is some great advice here OP, it sounds like you understand.

mummydarkling Sat 15-Jun-13 09:41:14

When small my 3 siblings and I used to cough loudly in unison when my mum lit up. Now it is 30+ years on and she is still with us and her 7 grandkids. She gave up in 83. I think I would not have minded the groundings and being sent to bed. Consider this an intervention moving op from precontemplation to contemplation.


Fluffycloudland77 Sat 15-Jun-13 09:44:59

She deleted all the books off your kindle leaving only the Alan Carr book? I like her style.

I like it a lot.

So which party will she stand for? Or will she start her own?

We already have pets so I'm safe from enforced pet ownership.

ImagineJL Sat 15-Jun-13 10:02:24

I'm a GP, and as part of our contract we have to advise smokers annually (assuming we see them) to give up. It sometimes feels pointless, telling intelligent adults that smoking is bad for them, when obviously they know already. However, studies have shown that just a few sentences reminding smokers of the dangers can have an impact. Same with alcohol - apparently 1 in 8 heavy drinkers will modify their drinking behaviour if a medical professional advises them of the harm it's doing to them.

So I disagree that we should all keep quiet and just accept that smokers know the risks and they should never be mentioned. As irritating as nagging is, if it means one person cuts down or quits then I think it's worth it. The end justifies the means.

SpecialAgentTattooedQueen Sat 15-Jun-13 10:27:43

Your DH signed it too?

Perhaps he encouraged. If not, he clearly agrees you need to stop.

All the best. I know how debilitating addictions can be. Sneaky non-MN hug

BeyonceCastle Sat 15-Jun-13 11:08:01

I don't smoke. I hate glitter.
I would do pretty much anything for my kids.
But if people attempt to blackmail me or force me into something it is
guaranteed to make me dig my heels in and have the opposite effect i.e. I would now be smoking twice as many childish, me?

Your DH put them up to it.

On another note I have noticed that ex-smokers always seem to be more evangelical about others quitting than non-smokers confused

That is because we have seen the light, realise how fucking stupid and pointless smoking is, and if we have actually found quitting easy (as opposed to horrendously hard as we assumed before we did it) we want to help others to escape the trap they are in.

fortyplus Sat 15-Jun-13 12:35:05

Don't worry - tell them they'll be grown ups by the time you die - you're almost certain to make it to 50 so they'll inherit early and not have to be benefit scroungers grin

I'll take my tongue out of my cheek now...

Actually I didn't think it was funny when my dad died horribly struggling to breathe - having the gunge sucked out of his lungs at 72. His non-smoking brothers are still alive - 83 and 89 and fighting fit apart from the odd dodgy knee and arthritic fingers.

Electronic fags are about to be regulated as medicines so the contents will be more consistent than at present. They're still addictive of course but far less harmful than the real thing.

A friend who's a GP said everyone has a tale of their great grandad who smoked 50 a day and lived to 90, but fags contain far more dangerous chemicals now so premature death rates are higher and you can't tell whether you're one of those rare individuals whose body will tolerate the effects of smoking better than most.

It's not easy - my dad gave up smoking 17 years before he died and said it was the hardest thing he's ever done. He'd still caused untold damage but giving up when he did probably gave him an extra 10 years.

It's worth it OP - and think how much glitter you can buy with all the moneyyou save! smile

JazzDalek Sat 15-Jun-13 12:55:25

You should quit, but you know that.

I do agree with the "you need to be really ready" line, but then, that can become its own problem confused - I used to decide to quit at least once a week, but as the date approached I'd get in a fankle thinking "but am I really ready? Is this the right time? There's no point trying now because I have x/y/z stressful event coming up! I'll wait till that's over with and then quit...." and so on. I am of the opinion that there will never really be a "right" time to quit, because the very nature of smoking addiction means that the thought of quitting panics us and we convince ourselves it is the wrong time.

E-cigs worked for me. They are utterly brilliant. I stopped smoking overnight using them, haven't missed it one little bit, and wouldn't touch proper smokes again with a bargepole.

Purplefurrydice Sat 15-Jun-13 13:10:13

I don't think health warnings put smokers off as nobody cares about 100,000 anonymous smokers who die per year. However, what does matter is when someone close to you dies.

My mum died of lung cancer at 47. Two weeks after my 18th birthday. My brother was 15. My other told me she knew smoking was bad but thought people her age didn't get lung cancer. My dad died last year of a massive heart attack. He was 62.

However, a glitter corpse??? What's wrong with plain old nagging???

Boosterseat Sat 15-Jun-13 13:13:18

I was a 20 a day smoker for ten years and have been on the ecigs for 8 weeks tommorow.

UK vaping forums are full of advice for people wanting to make a change to ecigs - variable voltage devices you fill yourself allow you to control the type of hit you get and you can buy nicotine liquid in a variety of flavours and strengths. have a read here.

I couldn't get on with The Easy Way - but I'm now swapping between medium strength nicotine and no nicotine cartomizers with a view to stopping completely in the future.

expatinscotland Sat 15-Jun-13 13:15:58

You are more likely to die earlier if you smoke, but it's not a certainty.

hamilton75 Sat 15-Jun-13 13:18:48

You are lucky to have such lovely children who clearly adore you.

Speaking as someone who lost a parent to a truly awful death from lung cancer at a fairly young age the question is this....

Do you love your kids more than you love yourself?

expatinscotland Sat 15-Jun-13 13:19:21

Allan Carr didn't work for me, your daughter sounds like a disrespectful brat and my kids know better than to touch my Kindle.

Sparklymommy Sat 15-Jun-13 20:48:57

My stepdad recently had a health scare. Not really related to his smoking but we used his smoking as a way of saying he had brought it on himself. He had smoked for forty years. Heavily.

I went out and bought him an e-cig. He didn't want to give up. Has always dug his heels in when we have tried to get him to. Since I bought him the e-cig 9 weeks ago he has not smoked a proper cigarette. Not one. The brand I got him has menthol, light and strong varieties.

Please give up. For your sake and that of your children.

expatinscotland Sat 15-Jun-13 21:13:55

'My stepdad recently had a health scare. Not really related to his smoking but we used his smoking as a way of saying he had brought it on himself.'

That's really kind of you, to manipulate someone's fragile state after a health scare that wasn't even related to his habit. hmm

No wonder why lung cancer is so poorly researched, even though a not insignificant number of people who develop it are not and have never been smokers or second hand smokers, and that number is rising. The stigma must be unbelievable. Bet most people think they brought it on themselves.

And no, I don't smoke.

fortyplus Sat 15-Jun-13 21:18:25

expatinscotland GP friend said smoking 20 a day typically takes about 10 years off your life. So that's all right then.

expatinscotland Sat 15-Jun-13 21:21:24

I never said it was, forty, it could, it couldn't take years off your life. Or you could get hit by a bus. The FACT is, a fact I'm very well aware of due to events in my life, is that none us know when or how we will die, only that it is a certaintly.

IMO, manipulating, blackmailing, emotionally fucking an adult is always wrong.

I'm an adult, I take actions and I take responsibility for them. I respect other adults similarly.

fortyplus Sat 15-Jun-13 22:36:00

expat - I agree re the emotional blackmail - utterly wrong. But it pisses me off when people trot out the getting run over by a bus argument. When I cross the road I know that if I'm paying attention and being sensible it's remotely unlikely that I'll get hit by a bus. If I choose to spoke then I know it's certain to affect my health to some degree and likely to shorten my life, thereby depriving my family of the pleasure of my company!

fortyplus Sat 15-Jun-13 22:37:28

Oops - smoke (but you knew that smile )

expatinscotland Sat 15-Jun-13 22:53:52

'If I choose to spoke then I know it's certain to affect my health to some degree and likely to shorten my life, thereby depriving my family of the pleasure of my company!'

And adults are entitled to take that risk same as they are to cross a road, get into a car, go rockclimbing, bungee jump, go backpacking in far flung and possibly dangerous places and on and on, all of which have varying likelihoods of ending one's life, which will end at some point anyway.

Emotionally manipulating and blackmailing adults is, IMO, always wrong, for whatever reason, and disrespectful. I wouldn't do it to others, I respect their decision to do all kinds of things I find very stupid, and certainly wouldn't tolerate it being done to me.

PrettyKitty1986 Sat 15-Jun-13 23:03:19

There is a reason why ex smokers are more preachy about smoking than never-smokers. Because, as a never- smoker you will never are incapable of understanding.

How good the first cigarette of the day is. How social it is to be with other smokers, smoking. How it can ease boredom. How it can make the good times better and the bad times more easy to deal with. Smokers and ex-smokers are the only people that will understand that.

But it is only ex smokers who know how good it us to be free.

I have never met someone who regretted stopping. There are many who regret leaving it too late to quit.

Picking and sticking to my quit day (1 June) was easy because that was the day the DDs and I did the Race for Life for Cancer Research and I couldn't imagine skulking off behind the bushes for a fag when I has just been running to raise money for cancer. That thought was too humiliating even for me. It also helped that the day before was my birthday, so I felt like I had a good chance to celebrate and "say goodbye" to the smoking me. Hopefully forever.

expatinscotland Sat 15-Jun-13 23:09:53

I regret quitting. I miss it. I enjoyed it. I wish I could still smoke.

And I despise preachiness.

Tigerbomb Sat 15-Jun-13 23:38:37

OP - I admire your DC's ingenuity - glitter is just so eye catching grin

I really really miss smoking. I am now 104 days since my last cigarette and I still crave one.

This is the 4 or 5 time I have tried to give up (the 3rd or 4th time of using Champix) and the longest I have gone without a fag

It is hard.... especially if you dont want to give up. I knew the risks - Ive had three heart attacks and I still carried on smoking.

I haven't given up for me - I have given up for my kids. My dexh died last year at the age of 47 - smoking was a huge contributory factor. Hearing my son sobbing because he knew that it would probably also happen to me was the deciding factor.

My mantra is "Having one, won't stop me from wanting one" - it helps.

I think you have to do it for reasons that mean something to you... otherwise it wont work

itsmyturnnow Sat 15-Jun-13 23:41:01

Good for your kids. I'm glad the tide is turning against smoking.

I hope you manage to give up - there's lots of help and support out there - so good luck!

LetsFaceTheMusicAndDance Sat 15-Jun-13 23:45:32

What Antler said upthread is true, which makes the OPost all the sadder.

Seriously2712 Sun 16-Jun-13 00:15:00

My mum and step-dad smoked for years. Mum always trying to quit and step-dad saying he wasn't ready to do it just yet. When I was 15 and my sister just 7, (during one of mum's 'non-smoking' stints), my mum was a little tipsy one NYE and had a cigarette. My sister was distraught and stood there begging her not to do it. It was then I realised how hard it must be for SOME people to quit.
A few yrs after that, my step-dad decided he was ready and did it - never once looked back! (so proud of him!)
My mum still smokes, albeit only 5/6 a day. I have since come to realise she must get real pleasure/calming from it. So I don't bother lecturing anymore!
AND... She's hell to live with when she has tried to quit! ;o)

Whatalotofpiffle Sun 16-Jun-13 00:23:01

Alan Carr easy way... Loved it

fortyplus Sun 16-Jun-13 00:32:37

expatinscotland I told you i totally bagreed re emotional blackmail, but there's no comparison between risk taking physical activities and long term lifestyle choices. For example, a report in the BMJ stated that 90% of cancers are directly caused by smoking, alcohol and obesity. So anyone who fits those categories is taking an ongoing, risk that's different from parachute jumping - you land, you've survived or died - till the next time you choose to jump. If people genuinely understand that then certainly it's their choice, but I think many kid themselves with the argument that they could get run over by a bus. I'd never preach to anyone in real life, but honestly - how many people do you know who've been run over by a bus (and if you do then I bet they were pissed at the time) and how many smokers/drinkers/overweight people do you know who've died early or ended up disabled? I just think it's a shame.

expatinscotland Sun 16-Jun-13 00:38:27

Mine is, 'you're only a puff away, form a pack a day, Tiger.

expatinscotland Sun 16-Jun-13 00:43:09

How many do I know dead or disabled from weight or smoking or drinking? Zero. How many did I know killed in high-risk sporting activities? Six. My daughter died of a 'rare' cancer. It's only rare when it doesn't happen to you. Adults make decisions, dumb and otherwise, all the time, I don't see it as for me to bully, blackmail or manipulate them because I think that is always wrong.

fortyplus Sun 16-Jun-13 00:51:06

You must be a lot younger than me then - I'm still agreeing with you re emotional blackmail but you don't seem to realise that. I did know that you'd lost your daughter - I also know people who have lost children to various 'rare' diseases or congenital abnormalities. In my daily working life I'm informed of about 3 deaths a week so perhaps I'm bound to notice the trend that the ones who are physically infirm or die early are often smokers, drinkers, overweight or a combination of all three. But leading a healthy active lifestyle just isn't possible for some people - doesn't stop it being sad if their families lose them early. Or if someone's mum dies should we tell the grieving offspring 'don't worry - it was her choice'. I'm still angry that smoking killed my dad but it's not directed at him.

expatinscotland Sun 16-Jun-13 09:30:36

Don't be so patronising. I'm 40 plus as well.

expatinscotland Sun 16-Jun-13 09:37:04

I know all about grief, thanks. I don't just see it at work, it's my life now. I buried my young child last year. It is a choice adults make, and bullying them about it is wrong. Let me go and start a thread about being obese - I'm not- and my kid drawing me a picture of a corpse and deleting all my books but one about weight loss and see the outrage. Food is an addiction, too, a deadly one, and one that has, in the US at least, caught up up to smoking as a leading preventable cause of death.

See the dangers of smoking dont scare me. My nanna smoked 40 a day and died after a heart attack. The he heart attack didn't kill her though. The falling down the stairs and going first into the front door during the heart attack was what killed her.

My aunt died at 42 after the cancer came back of the throat and lung. She never smoked and didn't even drink alcohol.

Death will get you no matter what you do. That's my view anyway.

xylem8 Sun 16-Jun-13 10:02:19

This is the saddest thread I have ever read .These young children are expressing their raw emotions , their pain and fear in the only way they know how, and their mother's response? make jokes of it! she is one sick puppy
I can understand trying your damnedest to stop and failing but I can see nothing in your post to say you even want to

CatsRule Sun 16-Jun-13 12:43:15

I have one Malcolm. I never got on with it. It makes me cough and makes my chest feel all tight. Maybe I should try a different brand?

Have you ever thought about how an asthmatic feels breathing in your second hand smoke op, and worse still, having no choice about it unlike you who chooses to smoke? Times that feeling by the 1000's!!

You have to decide what's more important...your fags or your brainer in my opinion!

AntlersInAllOfMyDecorating Sun 16-Jun-13 13:19:07

I agree with you Xylem, you summed it up well. Like I said about the glitter. Nuanced and fraught debates about smoking aside, this is sad.

PrettyKitty1986 Sun 16-Jun-13 15:26:12

I regret quitting. I miss it. I enjoyed it. I wish I could still smoke.

What a load of bollocks. If you really regret it so much then start again.

Missing smoking is NOT the same as regretting quitting. At all.

expatinscotland Sun 16-Jun-13 17:15:23

Bollocks, you missed those quotation marks, too!

I would go back if I could afford it, in a second. I regret having to quit and one day, I'll take it back up again.

So here's a biscuit to go with those bollocks to suck up.

TheRealFellatio Sun 16-Jun-13 17:19:22

I used to do this to my mum. She didn't listen to me until she was about 60. hmm

LadyBeagleEyes Sun 16-Jun-13 17:33:52

I read Allen Carr right to the end, apart from the times I threw it across the room in sheer rage.
The endless repetition was just brainwashing crap, I just wanted to scream 'Yes I know all that, it's not helping'.
I've given up before on the patches, I use an Ecig sometimes, but I'm still not ready to give them up and anybody that try's to tell me too makes me want to do it more.
Expat, can't you afford rollies?

fortyplus Mon 17-Jun-13 01:31:28

expat - not intending to patronise - I've been on here so long without namechanging that I've been 50+ for quite some time! grin

HullMum Mon 17-Jun-13 13:51:37

ha! god for them, get yourself a patch, maybe they can glitter-ify it for you?

It'd be snazzy

Dad was diagnosed with a heart problem needing a quadruple bypass at the age of 47 (plus diabetes, it's like his body just stopped working properly one day). While the heart problem is a family thing, his smoking definitely caused it to be worse than it might have been. One of his brothers never smoked but still needed a single bypass.

He quit on the spot and has never had another cigarette in 22 years.

Mum however, can't quit entirely, she has about 6-7 roll ups a day. There was one window when she could have quit, when she was ill in hospital. she stopped smoking while there for about 6-7 weeks, and I guess might have stopped for good except for the encouragement of her sister (my aunt) who was a chain smoker and kept telling everyone that mum would not be quitting. With that encouragement mum didn't quit. sad

My brother smokes. I am the one who never started. Well, I tried one but decided it wasn't worth it.

Samu2 Mon 17-Jun-13 14:13:19

Get yourself an ego-C or Tornado Tank from Totally Wicked.

The cheaper ones are stronger and not as good. You also don't have to inhale if you feel chest tightness. I quit with mine over a year ago and now vape no nic juice.. caramel flavour or Black Cat from VapeEscape.

Quitting smoking is hard. Do not give up on the e-cigs though.

fuzzpig Mon 17-Jun-13 14:18:37

My friend at school said she and her sister (both junior age at the time) used to steadfastly ignore their dad every time he lit up. It worked quite quickly.

Samu2 Mon 17-Jun-13 14:19:31

Oh and I have quit many times but this time it is for good. I spent 8 months missing it, now I don't miss it at all.

I know this is it because every time I lit a ciggie I had a panic attack over it.

I admit that I love my e-cig and use it a lot and I can't imagine not using it now. It's no nicotine and I am pretty comfortable with the ingredients in it after lots of research. I might be 80 and still vaping but at least I am not smoking.

KellyElly Mon 17-Jun-13 14:51:58

Do all the slightly sanctimonious people on this thread drink only the recommended units of alcohol per week, eat a healthy balanced diet and fall into the healthy BMI category and do half an hours exercise each day? If not then you don't really have any place to comment as you yourself are not looking after your body and health as you should. For all the ones that do, as you were in your judgement.

KellyElly I drink about 1-2 units per week on average. I eat healthily now, do at least half an hour per day exercise (brisk walking into town and back, 1.5 miles each way up a hill on the return leg, minimum) and while my BMI is not yet right (am well overweight) I've lost 20lbs since Xmas and will lose more. I'm not actually dieting just eating less and moving more.

So I reckon I can comment because I'm taking steps.

KellyElly Mon 17-Jun-13 15:06:27

FryOneFatManic Good for you that you are taking steps but would you have really listened to judgement prior to changing your lifestyle or just been defensive. Just because you have decided to doesn't mean the OP should. I think it's slightly hypocritical to make a comment on other people's lifestyle choices if you have had vices or chosen an unhealthy lifestyle yourself in the past.

D0oinMeCleanin Mon 17-Jun-13 15:09:27

Ooh does this mean I get extra brownie points for doing 1 - 1.5 hours excerise per day 6 days a week, plus drinking 3 liters of water a day and hardly any wine at all and eating healthily 6 days a week?

Might go and start a judgey thread about all the junk food and wine people

If you actually look at my earlier post, I was pointing out that my dad's illness was deemed to have been made worse by his smoking. And that mum could have stopped if her sister hadn't encouraged her to continue. I posted about the experiences of MY family to provide an illustration of how smoking can affect you. Nothing more.

If, after properly looking at this, the OP decided to continue smoking then that is her choice.

Oh, and I wouldn't have been defensive before changing things. My weight issue crept up on me and I decided to do something about it as soon as I realised. And as I'm coming up to the age my dad took ill, it made me think.

KellyElly Mon 17-Jun-13 15:19:16

FryOneFatManic I wasn't responding to your earlier post I was initially commenting on a number of posts, not on yours directly. I actually didn't think your post came across as judgemental at all smile

I think every single person who never does anything to potentially harm themselves should raise their hands.

That will be no one.

We all make choices in life. People smoke, drink to excess, eat too much, weigh too much, take their DCs to school in the car when they can easily walk, take part in sports.

My ds1 has had 3 broken bones and 2 sprains this year. From playing football.

I do not feel compelled to do him a glitter drawing begging him to stop before he breaks another bone.

And yes, I know that's not the same but come on
Emotional blackmail and glitter. I love your dd d0oin
I already have my pets so I'm safe under her rules grin

Look, if you want to give up, then try it. If you don't, then no amount of glitter is going to make it happen.

And that's not because you don't love your DCs or because you are a bad person. It just is what it is.

xylem8 Mon 17-Jun-13 15:54:11

It is not really about who has the healthiest lifestyle, it is about a mother indifferent to her children's distress

LadyBeagleEyes Mon 17-Jun-13 15:55:17

I think every single person who never does anything to potentially harm themselves should raise their hands

That will be no one
Hahaha, this is MN, Tantrumsgrin
There are an awful lot of perfect people on here.

xylem so you actually think d0oin is indifferent to her DCs "distress"
Because she smokes?

So every overweight parent is also indifferent? Anyone who drives over the speed limit? Who drinks over the recommended amount of units?

TVTonight Mon 17-Jun-13 18:42:36

I think kids so get distressed if they see their parents not looking after a chronic condition including obesity, diabetes, MH problems- absolutely. And I do think as parents we owe our children to look after our health as best we can.

The OP is just a twatty Fuck You to her kids. In this day and age smokers have no cause for complaint if they die young, from a smoking related illness. Ultimately, it is the same selfish crap that alcoholics and other "it always has to be about MY MY MY addication"- utterly, utterly selfish, and not even a tiny bit funny.

missgrainger Mon 17-Jun-13 18:52:01

Glitter tears? - sneaky (they're obviously desperate for you to quit). Go and get hypnotherapy I easily gave up a 20 a day habit after 16 years. Had tried everything else, and it made quitting EASY (with the added bonus of fabulous night's sleep every night listening to the tapes).

Well funny enough TV I think we owe it to ourselves as people, not just as parents to look after our health and well being.
And, no amount of glitter tears will convince me otherwise.
So, when D0oin is ready to give up, she will.

And her DH should know better than to fees into emotional blackmail tbh. It's not nice.

I wonder how many obese parents, with obese children would suddenly start eating properly and taking exercise if faced with one of these pictures?

expatinscotland Mon 17-Jun-13 21:19:07

I tried bringing that up, Tantrums but someone will tell you it's not the same thing (even though, sadly, obesity has caught up to smoking in the US as leading preventable cause of death, in some areas, has surpassed it, and we're going the same way). But if I started a thread with the same OP, and changed every reference to smoking to obesity and weight-loss books, the outrage would dwarf that forest fire going on in Colorado now.

Tantrums, expat, you speak a lot of sense. A quitter has to want to quit for themselves, for their own reasons. Sure, those reasons might be "because my kids are worried" or "I want to increase the odds of meeting my grandchildren" but they are the smoker's reasons. It doesn't work if you do it for other people - you're not committed enough. It's like an alcoholic usually needs to hit rock bottom before they can think about getting sober. And I speak as a 22-year smoker who is on day 17 smoke-free.

Dahlen Mon 17-Jun-13 21:55:07

I have known enough members of my family die because of sheer bad luck despite doing everything 'right'. It has resulted in me giving up smoking, excess drinking and bad food because I don't want to make the odds of my dying prematurely any worse, but I know that every time someone lectured me about smoking the first thing I wanted to do was light one up. It's why I never, ever comment on other people's lifestyle choices - until they want to change it the only thing commenting achieves is a lot of bad feeling.

IT may be misguided, but as long as it is within the confines of the law of the land, surely it is every human being's right to abuse their body in any way they see fit?

OhDearNigel Mon 17-Jun-13 22:24:48

Sorry to be pious but with a father in law dying slowly and painfully from lung cancer i have to say yabu. Im sure you don't want to be 64, unable o walk, hardly able to breathe, swollen with steroids and unlikely to see another september

If this is what your family have had to resort to then surely you owe it to your DDs to try.

expatinscotland Mon 17-Jun-13 23:20:33

' Im sure you don't want to be 64, unable o walk, hardly able to breathe, swollen with steroids and unlikely to see another september'

You never know, some people don't care to live very long. I certainly don't.

Regardless, it's not on to bully and emotionally manipulate people.

expatinscotland Mon 17-Jun-13 23:22:05

' It's why I never, ever comment on other people's lifestyle choices - until they want to change it the only thing commenting achieves is a lot of bad feeling.'


DumSpiroSpero Tue 18-Jun-13 07:09:22

I do think the fervent anti-smoking brigade are over-egging the glitter tears = chronic distress aspect.

Obviously the OP herself knows her DD's best, but whilst I always wanted my mum to quit when I was growing up and worried that bit more for a few days whenever we had the lectures on school or no- smoking day popped up, I didn't spend my childhood 'severely distressed' by it.

exoticfruits Tue 18-Jun-13 07:25:40

We are all different - I would have been 'severely distressed' by a parent who was running a risk of dying young and wouldn't do the sensible thing and stop. ( not to mention that you had to live with the smell)

Soopermum1 Tue 18-Jun-13 07:50:00

Recently stopped smoker here. Know how you feel. I had the same from DS.

Was TTC at the time, but it was DS's nagging that wore my down and I gave up a couple of months before I got pregnant. I had got over the craving etc by the time I got pregnant, but I can't lie, being pregnant has given me even more incentive to stay off them. So, there's the solution- get pregnant grin

I wish I could say that smoking disgusts me but it doesn't, but it doesn't make me want to run off and buy a pack of 20 and a lighter either. Maybe that's the way it's always going to be.

If it's any help, I finished my usual pack, smoked SIlk Cut extra light for a couple of weeks then had an E cig (not refillable) until I just stopped buying them. Whole process probably took about a month. Didn't bother with patches and thought the gum was vile.

No point in being a martyr unless you think cold turkey would work better for you.

Think about it, for now, if you're not ready at the moment, you may just need to work your way up to it, and plan your method. I spent a few weeks quietly thinking about it before I announced I was kicking the habit.

TVTonight Tue 18-Jun-13 10:53:53

Yes of course people should give up for themselves, because it's amazing how many people say it is not that bad giving up, once you choose to.

And expat I think a lot of obese parents would take action if their children asked them to- for the sake of their health.

musicismylife Tue 18-Jun-13 11:24:26

Try the electric cigarettes. They are fantastic. I have been on them for nearly 18 months. They do the nicotine strengths in low, medium and high. Opt for high to begin with.

My children (all four of them) no longer nag at me. I felt crappy for the first two weeks but food and everything tastes so much better now.

Good luck.

Boosterseat Tue 18-Jun-13 14:41:35

Loving the vapers here! It really is the way to go.

theodorakisses Tue 18-Jun-13 15:11:38

I can't believe the worthy earnest replies! I agree about sprouts for a week and no sweets because they are very bad for you

TVTonight Tue 18-Jun-13 15:22:06

I bet the children would gladly give up sweets if the OP would stop smoking... But when push comes to shove the children just aren't her priority so that option isn't available to them.

Oh dear god almighty TV are you for real?

Her children aren't her priority? Because she smokes?

So the overweight, over eaters, parents who send their DCs to Grandmas at the weekend so they can have a good night out, is the same true for them?

theodorakisses Tue 18-Jun-13 15:31:35

Imagine what TV thinks of the formula feeders! Classic MN.

xylem8 Tue 18-Jun-13 15:35:32

'Her children aren't her priority? Because she smokes?'

No, not because she smokes but because her distressed children make a desperate emotional plea, and she makes a joke of it.

D0oinMeCleanin Tue 18-Jun-13 15:59:57

Their desperate emotional plea probably had as much to do with a desire to paint something with glitter paints instead of sleeping like they were supposed to be as it did their distress of my smoking. Of course they'd rather I didn't smoke, but I very much doubt that they are actually traumatised by it. More likely they've listened to DH and my PT whinge at me for smoking and have run with it.

Also if someone could point out where I said I didn't care and was not going to take on board what they drew, that'd be awesome because I might be having a memory lapse here, but I don't remember posting any such thing, thanks muchly smile

TVTonight Tue 18-Jun-13 16:06:40

Your actions demonstrate that you prioritize smoking over giving up.

expatinscotland Tue 18-Jun-13 16:43:03

PMSL @ the Netmumification of MN, all the sanctimonious bosom-heaving. Anyone remember the every-so-often threads about recreational coke use at the weekends with the kids sent to Grandma's so the parents could hoover up lines just a few years back? There would be calls for removal these days. grin

expatinscotland Tue 18-Jun-13 16:45:11

It's a good thing TVnever watched 'Skint'. She'd have a heart attack.

Alisvolatpropiis Tue 18-Jun-13 17:37:03

This thread is hilarious.

So many perfect people.

TVTonight Tue 18-Jun-13 17:44:47

Not about being perfect at all.

It's about not taking the piss out of your children about something that bothers them. And expecting others to say that it is perfectly fine to do that.

Alisvolatpropiis Tue 18-Jun-13 17:49:01

Aye, children are bothered by all manner of things that are actually inconsequential - monsters under the bed anybody.

I used to be a kid who would weep and wail about smokers. Throw cigarettes in the bin,flush them down the toilet. I wasn't even around smokers that often, my parents certainly didn't smoke.

What am I as an adult? A smoker. Do the health implications still bother me as they did when I was a child? No.

Something will get us all in the end after all.

expatinscotland Tue 18-Jun-13 17:51:34

I'd definitely rather shuffle off this mortal coil than get dementia. Let's face it: for many of us, and more and more of us, living longer is a poisoned chalice.

Alisvolatpropiis Tue 18-Jun-13 17:53:17

I agree expat

exoticfruits Tue 18-Jun-13 17:54:00

It isn't perfect people at all- if you know it is proved to be harmful why carry on?

EliotNess Tue 18-Jun-13 17:56:09

I think the op is a bit weird.

Alisvolatpropiis Tue 18-Jun-13 17:57:59

Same can be said about drinking alcohol,eating junk food. though exotic

The very process of childbirth can be dangerous - so why do it?

Fairylea Tue 18-Jun-13 17:59:28

Try champix. My mum was able to stop with them after 40 years of 40 a day. Nothing else worked. She hasn't smoked for 6 years now.

I absolutely hated her smoking when I was a child. Even though she smoked outside, my clothes etc all smelt of smoke and I was teased relentlessly about it. So much so as an 8 year old I used to carry my coat to school in a bag so it didn't absorb the smell of the smoke next to me as she walked me to school.

I also became worried about her health and very scared she would get cancer while I was little.

Please give up.

exoticfruits Tue 18-Jun-13 18:23:18

Exactly Alis- why not get heathy? Give up smoking, eat less, exercise more.

expatinscotland Tue 18-Jun-13 18:24:44

They make you try all kinds of things before giving you Champix, which can have very serious side effects.

OP, when you are ready to quit, you will know.

Alisvolatpropiis Tue 18-Jun-13 18:27:52

exotic your solution to childbirth being a threat to ones health is?

I'll quit smoking when I no longer enjoy it and not before.

I would rather live a fun,if unhealthy, life than live a pious boring one.

expatinscotland Tue 18-Jun-13 18:28:07

Why not? Because I have no desire to live for ages and ages, probably getting more and more frail, possibly developing dementia, having to work longer and longer. For what? You STILL die.

expatinscotland Tue 18-Jun-13 18:31:43

Eat less? FUCK that. I can do without smoking and booze, but eat less? So when we're all starving we 20 years from now we can be comforted by what fools we were? Has there ever been a death row inmate who ordered a salad as a last meal? Even Jesus went large.

Yes but expat imagine the emotional distress from the poor children watching mum eat a bar of dairy milk.
Or having a glass of wine every night.
Or a cup of coffee in the morning. Caffeine is harmful and addictive isn't it?
Where are the mothers of the poor children who priorities caffeine over their children? The ones who have to have a coffee before they get up, make breakfast etc?

expatinscotland Tue 18-Jun-13 19:25:44

I'm on this fucking gallbladder diet until I get my scan, and it's killing my will to live. Eat less? I.don't.fucking.*think*.so.

And no, I'm not overweight at all.

exoticfruits Tue 18-Jun-13 19:32:46

The world needs children- it doesn't need smokers.

expatinscotland Tue 18-Jun-13 19:44:26

On the contrary. There are now 7bn people on the planet and the population, growing at the rate it is, will soon be unsustainable - it already is in some places. The world needs fewer children and fewere people living so long. Get real.

Alisvolatpropiis Tue 18-Jun-13 20:01:02

exotic the UK needs the tax revenue gleaned from tobacco sales and imports more than it needs more children.

expatinscotland Tue 18-Jun-13 20:29:40

LOL @ the world needing more children!

expatinscotland Tue 18-Jun-13 20:30:11

The world is definitely in need of more people dying off rather than living longer.

exoticfruits Tue 18-Jun-13 22:31:59

Someone needs to be paying taxes in your old age.

Alisvolatpropiis Tue 18-Jun-13 22:35:32

exotic given my current age,I am likely to my paying my own taxes in my old age. There's plenty of young people.

exoticfruits Tue 18-Jun-13 22:38:39

Those young people will want more young people as they get old.

expatinscotland Tue 18-Jun-13 22:42:43

What old age? I'm going to have to work till I drop. LOL. And besides, all smokers are going to die, anyhow, they won't have an old-age, there's that problem solved.

Plenty of immigration solves the problem, not having more children in the world. There are too many people already and the problem is getting worse.

MrsKoala Tue 18-Jun-13 22:57:27

Personally i think we need more people, not less. I particularly dislike Malthusianism.

hurrah for more people!

As for the smoking - children often fixate on things like this, i remember it being a big thing as a child. I would only give up if i wanted to (i have btw). Some of the posts on here are hilarious tho. Good luck if you do choose to give up tho OP.

Alisvolatpropiis Tue 18-Jun-13 23:01:56



That will probably be why I'll be a selfish smoking grandparent one day.

AudrinaAdare Tue 18-Jun-13 23:46:08

I've just come off Champix. It did nothing except make me feel as if a veil had come down between me and the world. But I have spent the last six weeks visiting my mother and other bruised, battered, broken-limbed, screaming and terrified women on a dementia ward. They are all in states you wouldn't want an animal to be in - unless you had sadistic tendencies towards animals.

I'll keep smoking for now, pay taxes on my tobacco to keep the NHS supporting clean-living people like my Mum, die early and not claim a state pension for thirty years whilst I have no quality of life and many, many minor, but costly ailments. I feel no guilt whatsoever about that and to be honest, the alternative is too fucking frightening.

baffleddad Wed 19-Jun-13 00:30:02

well done kids... pack it in you will save a fortune

baffleddad Wed 19-Jun-13 00:58:11

11 years ago my wife quit smoking. it was the worst 6/8 months of my life, it was so bad i didnt want to come home at night but i thought its for a good cause so i supported her through it even though i went grey.. you can probably imagine my disapointment when i found out 18 months ago she had started again we have argued etc but she carries on behind my back. i thought she had quit again 6 months ago but i have recently found one of the e cigarettes & ash & fag ends etc about. what annoys me is she had a chest infection for 2 months or so but carried on and now the kids are starting to copy her.
rant over, but some people we know are the type to offer a fag to a reformed smoker, that really pisses me off....ive threatened to leave am i being unreasonable

exoticfruits Wed 19-Jun-13 07:07:35

The whole point is that you might not make it to grandparent if you smoke- that is what upsets your children- they have got the message on the packs if you haven't.

expatinscotland Wed 19-Jun-13 07:53:09

And your kids may chose to never have kids at all, or you may die tomorrow, or the world may end. Make decisions you can live with for now,for the present and live life the same way.

Alisvolatpropiis Wed 19-Jun-13 07:55:07

exotic I could get hit by a bus today on my way to work. I don't live my life by what ifs. Besides - death is an inevitability.

exoticfruits Wed 19-Jun-13 08:16:34

I think some of you live in denial- therefore anything done by your children is a waste of time.
Do people lose the ability to risk assess? I can't be bothered but I expect that you could get the numbers for death by smoking related diseases, being hit by a bus or dying in childbirth.
Your children know that crossing a road is a normal activity that you have to do, that is why you learn to cross safely to lessen the risk. They know that bringing a child into the family is generally a joyful event. They know that smoking kills and there is no need to smoke.

exoticfruits Wed 19-Jun-13 08:18:34

You are free to continue the denial and get upset about what you see as 'emotional blackmail'- and no doubt you will.

expatinscotland Wed 19-Jun-13 08:40:36

Denial of what? That no matter what I do, and I don't smoke, am a healthy weight and rarely drink, I am still going to die? PMSL.

expatinscotland Wed 19-Jun-13 08:43:25

Upset? I think bullying and emotional manipulation are wrong, be it about smoking, cutting one's hair, having a termination, sex or anything.

limitedperiodonly Wed 19-Jun-13 09:39:41

What a good article mrskoala

Do0in your OP made me smile. I think you're right. Your kids probably have copied your DP and have forgotten it now, until the next time. Give up when you want to. It's clear you love them.

And they aren't brats, which is quite an unpleasant thing to call children and is normally remarked upon on MN, so I am, expat

I don't like emotional blackmail either.

expatinscotland Wed 19-Jun-13 09:46:26

Um, okay, limited, our very own self-appointed moral police, as if we lacked for them, what an honour!

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