to think this is a breach of softplay etiquette?

(71 Posts)
megsmouse Wed 12-Jun-13 22:42:24

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

OutragedFromLeeds Wed 12-Jun-13 22:47:37

If she was in front of you in the queue she should have got the car first imo.

If you were in front then she needed to wait.

First come, first served.

maddening Wed 12-Jun-13 22:57:03

Yanbu - has she paid a separate soft play entrance fee for herself? I doubt it! One soft play entrance fee one car in use at any time imo

megsmouse Wed 12-Jun-13 22:57:23

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megsmouse Wed 12-Jun-13 23:00:08

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WouldBeHarrietVane Wed 12-Jun-13 23:01:06

DH says he is soft play expert unemployed sahd and thinks she shouldn't have gone in one on her own!

Wolfiefan Wed 12-Jun-13 23:02:53

She wanted to play with her child?
In reality there is no such thing as etiquette at those places. There are a few people with manners and everyone else!?!

WuzzleMonkey Wed 12-Jun-13 23:07:33

Is this 360 play?

Was there a queue? You say she tried to kick you and your daughter off a car - is this a car you had queued for and got to before her? Or were you trying to stay in a car having had your turn, and she was next in the queue?

megsmouse Wed 12-Jun-13 23:11:21

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

WuzzleMonkey Wed 12-Jun-13 23:12:46

I think if she queues it's fine for her to take the next free car if she's at the front of the queue.

If you had queued, got in a car, and not yet had your turn then of course she shouldn't have tried to kick you out.

OutragedFromLeeds Wed 12-Jun-13 23:14:33

'So you think its ok to go on bumper cars alone as an adult when children are waiting?'

Yes, if there is a queue and I've been waiting longer then it's my turn first. Any child who is old enough to go in a bumper car is old enough to start learning about waiting their turn. I assume she was with a child and hadn't gone to softplay on her own? So maybe her child wanted to race her or bump her? If they've waited for their turn they are entitled to play how they like (as long as it doesn't harm anyone else obviously).

'Would you do it?'

Yes, for the reasons stated above. If you're queuing for a ride at a theme park do you let all children go in first? What if you're queuing for the loo and people with children come in? Or in a shop? Queuing is a very simple system, it will only lead to problems if we start altering the rules....

megsmouse Wed 12-Jun-13 23:18:02

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

WuzzleMonkey Wed 12-Jun-13 23:21:09

I think you're overcomplicating things, as outraged has said.

The woman paid to her entry fee - she queued up. If she was in front of you in the queue then it was her turn before yours. I think unless there is a sign saying that the cars are strictly for children YABU.

OutragedFromLeeds Wed 12-Jun-13 23:21:39

Was she there with a child though? If she was at softplay all by herself, that is a little odd although I still think if she's paid and waited her turn then fair enough.

If she was with a child then I assume they wanted her to come on, but in a different car so they could race or similar? I know that would be the case with my DC's. They want me to chase them/race with them, not be in the car with them. I've paid for them and myself, we've all waited our turn, we can play how we like.

CloudsAndTrees Wed 12-Jun-13 23:22:29

Soft play seems to have moved on in the last five years, I have missed out on bumper cars in soft play places!

But I don't think it's wrong to have a go as a lone adult. If this woman's children were having a go at the same time, then she was still playing with her children, just in a different way to those with younger ones.

And she paid to be in this place, so there's no reason not to make the most of it.

She shouldn't be trying to kick you out of yours if it was yours, but if she was expecting to have a go at the same time as her child and you took the last car meaning that she couldn't, then it's right that you wit your turn as you were after her in the queue.

Or was your dd effectively having two turns because you and your friend swapped?

SilverSky Wed 12-Jun-13 23:24:11

We're you in Herts?

HarrietSchulenberg Wed 12-Jun-13 23:24:22

I agree with Outraged in that it's fine to have a car each for adult and child. It's more fun for the child as they get to take control and bump the parent. BUT you were already in the other car so she should have either shared the remaining car with her daughter or waited till the next 2 cars were available.

megsmouse Wed 12-Jun-13 23:26:46

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

OutragedFromLeeds Wed 12-Jun-13 23:31:43

'Personally I would have just thought that children waiting would come before adults wanting to race their children.'

What about the children wanting to race their adult? Those children have waited and they want to race their mum. You can wait an additional 2 minutes.

' The soft play did have a rule about no lone adults I believe'

This is a drip-feed and a completely different situation. If there is a clear rule and she broke it then YANBU. If there is no rule then first come, first served. If it was happening throughout the day, you either misunderstood the rule or they need to make the rules clearer!

CloudsAndTrees Wed 12-Jun-13 23:42:07

So what was it that made her try to turf you out of your car? Were you behind her in the queue so you got the last car that she wanted?

I feel like I'm missing something here.

CloudsAndTrees Wed 12-Jun-13 23:43:54

If no lone adults was a rule and it was happening throughout the day, did the lovely man who works there tell everyone else not to do it too?

You'd think they'd have a sign up if the rule exists and it keeps happening.

megsmouse Wed 12-Jun-13 23:55:18

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

OutragedFromLeeds Thu 13-Jun-13 00:04:50

'Outraged its not a drip feed, someone asked!'

Yes, but surely that's relevant to the OP! If she breached a rule/was told off then obviously YANBU and she was wrong.

I'm not sure how the older children were being discourteous by wanting an adult to join in/play with them? They waited their turn in the queue didn't they?

Like I said queuing is really simple. You just stand behind the person in front and it's first come, first served. There is no need to complicate it with issues of age. How old is your DD? If someone 6 months younger got in the queue behind would she have to be courteous and let them go first? What if they were a year younger? Or 2 years younger? At what age does she have to start letting those younger than her go in front?

megsmouse Thu 13-Jun-13 00:14:21

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

OutragedFromLeeds Thu 13-Jun-13 00:21:13

They're not stopping them riding though are they? They're having to wait an extra few minutes. I really don't understand why the older children can't enjoy themselves with their parent/carer and can't play how they want because it means a slightly younger child has to wait an extra few minutes. Is it really a problem to wait for a few extra minutes?

Is it only softplay where you think this rule should apply? What about Disneyland or similar?

TwasBrillig Thu 13-Jun-13 00:21:19

So she was cross you pushed in. Fair enough?

DoJo Thu 13-Jun-13 00:38:49

Sounds fair enough to me - the children waiting are someone else's children, and her child wants to play with her. I probably wouldn't have tried to kick you off (what did that actually entail? Just asking if you were done or actively trying to coerce you into giving up your car?) and if we were the last two in the queue and there was only one car left, then I would have waited and let the next single rider go. But if you were the last to get in the car because you assumed she wouldn't want one and then she did, then she was right to try and oust you. The fact that the guy asked her not to do it again was probably more to do with your reaction than any hard and fast rule.

megsmouse Thu 13-Jun-13 01:01:06

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megsmouse Thu 13-Jun-13 01:03:48

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Its only innappropriate if you are drinking md 20/20 and seeing if the guy in charge will meet you afterwards.

Bessie123 Thu 13-Jun-13 01:16:59

I think it's a bit weird that an adult would go in a car if there are children waiting. If there is nobody else in the cars a adult might go in to play with the child but if there are other kids they can play I the cars. it is also a bit selfish for an adult and a child to use 2 cars when there are kids waiting.

Bessie123 Thu 13-Jun-13 01:18:58

Hmm, my post did make sense before my iPad edited it...

TwasBrillig Thu 13-Jun-13 05:52:45

But you accepted she could have been in front of you in the queue so it sounded like you pushed in in front of her.

I might be reading it wrong though!

ButchCassidy Thu 13-Jun-13 06:21:55

If she was in front of you queuing and her child wanted her to have a car to play bumps then why shouldn't she have a car?
Your child would still have had a turn after a short wait.

DoJo Thu 13-Jun-13 08:44:41

What I think is a bit sad about this thread is the 'sod other children mine come first attitude', nonetheless I will accept that my view isn't shared.

I'm not sure I understand your sadness - of course people prioritise their own children over others, just like those other children's parents prioritise them. It's not as if the other children wouldn't have got a go in the end, so having to wait one more turn isn't exactly cruelty. I think the fact that the place charges for parents to enter also adds to the idea that they are paying to use the facilities too, so I would be more inclined to ride solo under those circumstances than I would if I had just paid for a child to enter. If I had taken my child out anywhere and paid for both of us then I would expect us both to be able to use the facilities in the way that we wanted to, and if that meant doing something together when we had queued for it, then so be it.

DeWe Thu 13-Jun-13 09:54:04

I would say that it would have been okay for her to come and say "would you mind waiting as my dc really wanted to race against me?"
I'd probably say yes in that situation.

If she told me I had to get out, I would have stayed put on the basis possesssion is 9/10ths of the law.
If it had really bothered her, and the assistants were fine with her going in on her own, then she could have taken her children out, and asked the assistant if she could wait until the next ride and all go on together.

It's a bit like at legoland if your dc wants, say, to go at the front of the ride, it is okay to say to the person in charge, "can we wait for the next ride as we want to sit there?" and they'll let you. It wouldn't be okay to march up to the person in front and demand they get out because you want to sit there.

SavoyCabbage Thu 13-Jun-13 10:09:01

Yabu. Her child wanted to play with her mother in a different way from the way your child wanted to play with you. And that's ok. She should put her child's needs in front of your child's needs.

OutragedFromLeeds Thu 13-Jun-13 13:53:15

'What I think is a bit sad about this thread is the 'sod other children mine come first attitude''

but that's exactly your attitude OP! Sod the kids who want to race against their mum, sod them enjoying their turn on the bumper cars, my PFB DD will have to wait an extra three, yes THREE whole minutes for her turn shock.

<cries into a hanky>

megsmouse Thu 13-Jun-13 14:51:04

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megsmouse Thu 13-Jun-13 14:52:47

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OutragedFromLeeds Thu 13-Jun-13 14:57:02

I understand what you're saying, I just disagree.

The other children can't have been that much older. They weren't 15 year olds. They were also little kids wanting to play. They waited their turn. Giving up their turn (with their mother) is not common courtesy. Unless your DD has some additional needs which mean she can't wait, then I disagree that there was any need for them to let you go first.

Queuing up and waiting your turn (which is what they did) is sharing btw!

megsmouse Thu 13-Jun-13 15:10:14

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TwasBrillig Thu 13-Jun-13 15:40:55

I understand and disagree too! I was a bit like this when my first child was very small at toddler groups -there comes a time when your child is big enough to do things without you being directly with them.

TwasBrillig Thu 13-Jun-13 15:43:43

They were sharing appropriately for the situation though.They would have queued, got in, ice their turn and then it would have been your turn! That's appropriate turn taking. Not sharing would have been not coming off after a turn, or going in front of someone waiting or pushing in etc. suspect we will just disagree.

HenriettaPye Thu 13-Jun-13 15:48:31

It's a place to have fun- these kids wanted to have fun racing their mum on the cars, you say the cars are big enough for an adult so she was perfectly entitled to go on it!

OutragedFromLeeds Thu 13-Jun-13 16:46:25

They were sharing! <bangs head on wall>

I could see your point if we were talking about cake or something that there is a finite number of, but there was no limit on turns on the bumper cars. The mum having a go did not result in anyone not getting a turn, they just had to wait longer.

It's you arguing that your DD shouldn't have to share with adults or any children that are older than her! The mum was going in the bumper car and then you and your DD; that's turn taking and SHARING.

kungfupannda Thu 13-Jun-13 16:51:47


My money's on the Chelsea one.

[nods wisely and remembers the hell of uber-posh soft play]

Assuming it is Gambados, you are probably not being unreasonable. They have a few cars and they open the gate and the next 5 or 6 children go through together and choose a car, and then they close the gate. The attendant presumably let the right number of people through, based on every adult sharing with a child. If she'd got to a car first that would be one thing, but she shouldn't have tried to evict a child who was already in one. No-one would have realised she wanted a car on her own.

kungfupannda Thu 13-Jun-13 16:53:28

So you are not being unreasonable about the scenario that actually happened, but you are being unreasonable to think that she shouldn't have used a car on her own at all.

megsmouse Thu 13-Jun-13 18:24:38

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

SueDoku Thu 13-Jun-13 19:11:53

I am shock shock at the idea of adults, adults going to a children's soft play area and then wanting to play on the equipment while children have to stand and watch....!!! FFS the whole place is for children not 'big children' - if you want to play on adult bumper cars go to the fair.... confused

OutragedFromLeeds Thu 13-Jun-13 19:17:17

You're shocked at the idea of a mother wanting to join in and play with her child sue? That's a bit of a worry.....

(You did read the bit about her being there with her children, right?)

OutragedFromLeeds Thu 13-Jun-13 19:21:14

' I never said my dd shouldn't share a car. She is too young to drive one on her own. I'm not really sure where you got this'

meg the whole point of this thread is that you don't think your DD should have had to share the bumper cars with a grown up! That's the OP.

'Aibu to think that the cars in soft play are for the children and adults shouldn't ride them on their own?'

When it was pointed out that her children probably wanted her to play with them, you said that older children should go without this in order to let younger ones on i.e. your DD shouldn't have to share with these children who want their mum to play with them because it means she has to wait longer.

SoftlySoftly Thu 13-Jun-13 19:24:17

Am I alone in thinking the whole soft play idea is so that you can ignore your children for an hour?

YA both U you should have been drinking tea and mumsnetting not faffing about in bumper cars.

maddening Thu 13-Jun-13 22:19:44

maybe the "grown up" should have learnt to share by now - a toddler is learning nothing from this I don't see why it has to be turned in to a life lesson anyway - if there was no queue then this woman could have taken up an extra car out of a more limited population of cars but there were queues so she was unreasonable to take the action she did - eg a group were let in to the bumper car section at one time and she demanded someone already sat on a car to get off to let her ride - not pleasant for a toddler to experience either (another adult trying to kick toddler and parent off- I doubt the other parent was all giggles and smiles)

megsmouse Fri 14-Jun-13 00:20:30

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

BegoniaBampot Fri 14-Jun-13 00:46:05

Really surprised at the answers. Can't imagine using a car on my own in a small children's soft lay place and making other small children wait. Just seems really strange.

SoftlySoftly Fri 14-Jun-13 01:26:16

Yes too young absolutely needs supervision <<ignores escapee 1 yr old>>

SodaStreamy Fri 14-Jun-13 02:37:10

are these proper electric bumper cars?


At softplay?

We have a slide and a ballpit

Orangebirdonatable Fri 14-Jun-13 06:57:56

I agree with begonia.but maybe it is a cultural thing.

Where I live there are almost no public parks. We sometimes go to one about 45 minutes drive away and my dcs struggle to play on swings or climbing frames as most of the equipment is being used by adults. I find it very strange.

megsmouse Fri 14-Jun-13 07:24:05

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Surely the larger cars are specifically designed so that adults can accompany younger children who cannot go on alone, not for adults to go in on their own and race their kids- their kids can race the other kids? Otherwise you would have mums jumping in the ballpit etc because their kids want to play with them!


pigletmania Fri 14-Jun-13 08:05:18

Yanbu she should wait her turn like everybody else. If she queued properly she has every right to use the bumper cars. when I go to soft play with dd istillhave to pay entrance for myself as well on top of that, so it's my right to use the adult bumper cars alone. Children have to learn to wait in a queue, it's part of life

pigletmania Fri 14-Jun-13 08:06:46

Why just because I'm an adult I have to,act all serious and grown up, get real I'm a big kid at heart, I love a bit of fun from time to time grin

pigletmania Fri 14-Jun-13 08:17:37

Surely if those cars are only for adults accompanying children there should be signs indicating as such, if there are no signs and the person operating the ride lets them on what's the fuss? I would never go to soft play on my own now that is strange

BegoniaBampot Fri 14-Jun-13 08:32:31

So what kind of cars are these? Only ever saw pedal type cars like tractors etc at softplay. Just can't imagine zooming about on my own making weird zooming noises if a little kid is waiting nearby watching you desperate for a ride.

Did go to Hong Kong Disneyland with my little kids though, and they were almost the only kids in the queue for Winnie the Pooh teacup ride. It was all old women and middle aged men. Bizarre but quite sweet.

spg1983 Fri 14-Jun-13 08:35:46

OP I am not sure if YABU or not as I think the situation sounds mega complicated. If there is a rule displayed about lone adults then YANBU otherwise it's a bit of a grey area.

However I will say this - don't forget that all parents have very different expectations about safety and caution. Much as I love my DH and think he is a great dad to DSS (7) and DD(15wks), there is no way I'd let either of them on the bumper cars if he were a lone driver, or if any of his friends were in the other cars (with or without children). If he had DSS with him and didn't know anyone else then fair enough but when he's on his own or with his mates, they all turn into 13yr olds again and just lose all sense of safety and responsibility. He is just so competitive, if anyone challenges him to anything, it's like he acquires a set of blinkers which block out the real world...(thinking of times like when it cost hundreds in physio fees to sort his back out after a high-jump challenge on school sports day...!)

I adore my DH and if we were on bumper cars somewhere without our dc then I'd happily join in and be as crazy as him. But some parents seem to lack that ability to tone it down when children are about which would explain why there probably is a rule about lone adults.

spg1983 Fri 14-Jun-13 08:38:26

Just wanted to add, I'm sure my DH is in the vast minority, but that was the first thing that came to my mind when I read this thread.

louschmoo Fri 14-Jun-13 08:41:10

There's a Gambados near me which has bumper cars. It has mostly kid-size cars, and a very small number of cars which fit a child and an adult. These are used by parents with small kids who are too young to drive themselves. The bumper car section is only open for 1 hour at a time and alternates with a carousel so once you factor in queuing time you could easily miss a turn on it depending on when you arrive/start queuing. In these circs I'd think it odd if small kids had to wait so an adult could ride - it's not a funfair. I'm with you OP.

pigletmania Fri 14-Jun-13 08:54:33

Well there should be signs then, just because some on here think its wring doesnot mean it is

pigletmania Fri 14-Jun-13 09:17:05

If it is very busy than adults should give the children a chance though

megsmouse Sun 16-Jun-13 12:17:47

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

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