I think I was but I just saw red.

(168 Posts)
CbeebiesIsMyLife Tue 04-Jun-13 14:14:38

Please be gentle!
I'm sat on the sofa cuddling my sleeping teething 16 month old who has been up most of the night, up stairs is my sleeping 2 and a half year old.

A van pulled up outside and tried to deliver a parcel next door. She wasn't in so the delivery driver came and rand my door bell. The front door is frosted glass and my the living room door is open so he could see me sat on the sofa.

I ignored him, as I didn't want to wake my sleeping baby. He knocks loudly on the door and peers in the glass shouting, I continue to ignore and he knocks harder (I swear he was going to break the glass it was that hard and loud)

DD2 jumps awake and starts crying and then I hear DD1 moving around upstairs. Meanwhile delivery man is peering and knocking again.

I'm shattered and was half dozing myself, I'll admit I saw red. I flung the door open (he almost fell in through the door) and shouted, 'if someone doesn't answer the door there is usually a reason, I'm not interested today' and slammed the door leaving a rather stunned delivery man.

I then tried to shush my baby back to sleep and could see him in the street trying other doors shouting in my direction (no idea what he was saying!) Now I have 2 tired grumpy toddlers awake after only sleeping for less than an hour. I know that's not his problem and he didnt know. BUT.

Am I Being Unreasonable to not answer my door? Did I really commit some great crime?

(I know I was probably unreasonable to shout at him!)

Signet2012 Tue 04-Jun-13 14:15:57

In my view there is a line between trying to do your job and being ridiculous. He was the latter.

Munxx Tue 04-Jun-13 14:16:59

Yanbu at all. I switch my doorbell off during my children's nap times.

Poor you. Have a brew

YANBU - this drives me mad! I recently bollocked our new postman who likes to ring and knock 7 or 8 times before he'll bugger off, usually during my two girls' nap time. I've told him if no one answers after the first knock/ring then there is a reason and I'm quite happy to miss the delivery. It's either that, or he puts the missed delivery note through the door without even ringing. He's not very good at his job is he?!

pipsqueakz Tue 04-Jun-13 14:20:20

Maybe a bit unreasonable to shout at him but as you said there is a reason why ppl don't answer the door. One ring on door bell would of been enough but I think with two cranky toddlers and lack of sleep I would of been the same. Only so much someone can take with lack of sleep. Don't worry op he will get over it. Or learn His lesson not to push us sleep deprived parents.

xigris Tue 04-Jun-13 14:22:49

YNNNNNNBU!!!!!! this has happened to me about a billion times and it DRIVES ME MAD!! My neighbours are forever ordering stuff from Next and Amazon but are never home so I'm constantly signing for giant parcels. I too have a toddler and a baby. I really don't know why delivery drivers think it's acceptable to ring the doorbell about 10 times then hammer on the door. I live in a terraced house so it's not as if I'm miles away in the east wing or something. They only wait approximately 0.2 of a second between the first ring and battering at the door. Grrrrr! angry

CbeebiesIsMyLife Tue 04-Jun-13 14:23:54

Thank you, you've made me feel a little better.

Were all having a quick snack of cheese on toast, hopefully it will make all of us feel better! and I might even get the girls dressed blush slattern mummy

MisselthwaiteManor Tue 04-Jun-13 14:25:52

YANBU, I hate it when people bang at the door over and over, especially when they can see you don't want to answer! Do they think you don't understand the concept of doors and if he keeps banging away you'd eventually realise and open it? You had every right to shout at him IMO.

CbeebiesIsMyLife Tue 04-Jun-13 14:26:22

xgirls, they order 2-4 parcels a week I'm the only one here on a week day so its alwyas me that takes them in. Normally I dont mind so much, but I just wanted the baby to sleep a little bit longer.

My worry is hes put a card through their door telling htem how unreasonable I was sad

tunnocksteacake Tue 04-Jun-13 14:28:16

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

diddl Tue 04-Jun-13 14:29:51


Don't they leave a note anymore for the addressee to fetch parcels themselves?

Why is it such a big deal to leave the parcel somewhere rather than take it back?

YANBU at all.

He won't put a card through saying that. For starters there's not enough space on the card to say it.

He got it wrong. Your neighbours are also being a bit inconsiderate assuming you're a permanent solution to them not sorting out their post, TBH.

CajaDeLaMemoria Tue 04-Jun-13 14:30:04

You weren't unreasonable.

I had this last week. Someone let the delivery guy in the communal door, and he started hammering on mine. He'd already rung the doorbell three times. He properly kicked the door a few times, and made all the locks rattle. Then he left the parcel outside, and left. Fair enough.

Until he walked round to the window and put his head against the glass, hands shading his eyes, to see in. He saw me, hammered on the window, rang the doorbell a few more times and drove off in a proper huff.

I would have answered the door, but I was bedbound with a kidney infection and literally couldn't move.

People will answer the door if they can. It's not fun being left little cards, or ignoring people! So all the hammering and aggression isn't necessary sad

I hope cheese on toast is helping boost everyone's mood.

Lexiesinclair Tue 04-Jun-13 14:30:36

YWNBU. Next time why not put a note on the our saying 'Babies sleeping - please do not knock.'?

diddl - royal mail changed the system recently, and said by default they'll try to leave parcels with neighbours. Or at least, RM round here did.

pipsqueakz Tue 04-Jun-13 14:31:59

Don't worry bout it you shouldn't feel obliged to take the parcels. If your gonna be their sorting office I would start charging parcel rent lol. You should be able to relax in your home. I leave the dog to answer they don't knock much now hmm why is that I wonder lol.

diddl Tue 04-Jun-13 14:32:11

"My worry is hes put a card through their door telling htem how unreasonable I was"

I doubt it-not if he wants to keep leaving parcels with you!

Tell them it's not convenient anymore!

Lizzylou Tue 04-Jun-13 14:32:21

YANBU Cbeebies, I remember exactly how that feels.

I would go and speak to the parcel neighbour and explain.

Hope you have a nice afternoon!

mumofthemonsters808 Tue 04-Jun-13 14:32:33

I'd also be angry, nap time is sacred when children are young.

diddl Tue 04-Jun-13 14:33:47

Here (small town in Germany), they leave in the garage if I don't answer.

KansasCityOctopus Tue 04-Jun-13 14:37:04

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Floggingmolly Tue 04-Jun-13 14:38:32

He peered in your bedroom window, Caja? shock
I'd report him.

KellyElly Tue 04-Jun-13 14:39:24

No not unreasonable. I would have done the same even if I wasn't tired. How unbelievably rude of him.

CbeebiesIsMyLife Tue 04-Jun-13 14:40:01

The cheese on toast has gone down really well! DD1 has just told me its her most favourite food EVER! So we're all good!

CbeebiesIsMyLife Tue 04-Jun-13 14:40:55

I was thinking that too flogg, that seems like a huge invasion of privacy!

CbeebiesIsMyLife Tue 04-Jun-13 14:42:18

I might try a note in future.

iwantanafternoonnap Tue 04-Jun-13 14:42:47

Nope. I work nights and have to put a sign on my door as I was fed up of delivery drivers knocking, knocking and knocking and then shouting and then going round the whole of my bungalow knocking on windows!!!

Drives me round the bend!

Hope you get some rest x

iloveweetos Tue 04-Jun-13 14:44:22

YANBU, I wonder what his mood would be like with so little sleep!!!

I agree about putting sign up saying kids asleep, dont knock (I would leave it on all the time lol)

Have a mug of sweet tea and relax (as much as you can)

Awomansworth Tue 04-Jun-13 14:44:45

Another vote for the "Do not disturb, babies sleeping" note on the front door.

There are only six houses where we live and when I was on maternity leave, the bloody postman would knock on my door every day with parcels for the other houses during nap time and they would both (twins) wake up and immediately start crying.

Took me a couple of weeks to come up with the note idea (major sleep depravation a very worthy excuse).

seeker Tue 04-Jun-13 14:45:48

And in a day or two there'll be a thread about my pet hat- delivery men who creep! Up to the door on stockinged feet and shove a card through the letter box then run away because they can't be bothered to get the parcel out of the van!

inneedofrain Tue 04-Jun-13 14:45:58

You were very reasonable under the circumstances!

I took to putting a sign in my door, saying something along the line of

"Sick baby, unless you are expected dont knock"

Kiriwawa Tue 04-Jun-13 14:47:16

If it makes you feel any better, I yelled at my upstairs neighbour once for vacuuming after I'd just managed to get the baby off to sleep after a dreadful night. I had just got him off and was sitting down with a cup of tea for a much needed rest and he woke him up again angry

I did apologise profusely afterwards but I wouldn't have done in this situation - it's not the law to answer the door. I've also done the note in the past and it works v well

thompson369 Tue 04-Jun-13 14:47:38

When my DCs were tiny I sometimes put up a note on the front door saying "young children sleeping, please do not disturb", worth considering perhaps?

chocolatebuttiiins Tue 04-Jun-13 14:51:27

YA def NBU. This drives me nuts. I did something similar to our postie one day. Like you I was craving sleep, terrified of them waking up, etc.

Now he holds a vendetta against me and puts cards through the door even when he knows I'm in the little bastard.

At Christmas my friend sent us two gilets from Gap (she told me later what they were) and we never received them. He had left a card saying he tried to deliver them but he didn't (try, I mean). They got sent back to Belfast apparently whereupon they must have made a nice Christmas present for some children they weren't intended for.

footphobic Tue 04-Jun-13 14:56:13

I've also stuck a prominent 'Do not knock/disturb' note on the door at times. If you want a couple of undisturbed hours as you are entitled to in your own home, and it's a fairly frequent occurrence, definitely put it on as and when you need to.

We all like to be neighbourly and help each other out now and again, but you are not obliged to be the parcel receiver for your neighbours just because you are at home.

icklemssunshine1 Tue 04-Jun-13 14:57:08

Definitely not unreasonable. I hate this. A few months back DH & I were consoling each other after learning that morning I had a MMC. A delivery guy (for over the road) knocked in our door & seeing we were on the sofa (we have no blinds or nets) began knocking on the window. WTF, couldn't he see I was crying? Needless to say DH gave him a few choice words!

UtterflyButterfly Tue 04-Jun-13 15:01:06

No of course you're not being unreasonable. I agree with the idea of leaving a note on the door .

Glad the cheese on toast went down well.

Camwombat Tue 04-Jun-13 15:02:01

We have a note that we put on the door when baby (now toddler) is asleep.
"Baby asleep, please don't ring bell, knock quietly"
There is a regular guy that delivers for Amazon here, he appreciates the note and wishes more parents did the same. He said he only rings bell once and as a dad knows how valuable that time is & hates knowing he woke a baby up, but he isnt psychic.

Latara Tue 04-Jun-13 15:05:01

A note is a very good idea.

Also i worry that if parcels are left with neighbours rather than taken to a sorting office - then what if you can't trust all your neighbours?
It's the main reason i don't order much online as i've had some dodgy neighbours.

(Obviously you are a very good neighbour though!)

Yanbu. I think I am for shouting at mine 'either use the doorbell or knock' or 'the doorbell works just fine on its own' at alarming regular intervals. Because the idiots impatiently ring the doorbell and knock loudly of course, I'm not mental much

The morning after my DM's funeral I was woken by an unearthly hammering a the door, I went down to find the woman who runs the local newsagent there, with a young papergirl, telling me that they'd delivered to my door by mistake and could they have my neighbours DT.
I mean FFS they run a paper shop, couldn't they just have given them another copy? angry

SarahAndFuck Tue 04-Jun-13 15:38:06


I agree with the note idea. It worked so well for us I still sometimes use one now if I don't want to be disturbed.

chocolatebuttiiins you should report your postman. If customer care won't help, ask them to give you the name of his manager at the sorting office and complain to them and if that doesn't help then report to the ombudsman. We had to report the postwoman at our previous address and after a lot of nothing much from customer services and the sorting office she was based at, the ombudsman had ruled in our favour within less than a week.

UserError Tue 04-Jun-13 17:28:04

I got a little sticker from Royal Mail (you can get it from their website) saying if there's no answer, parcels must be returned to the delivery office. It's stuck right on the letter box so they can't miss it!

We order online a lot and I know for a fact my neighbours are not very well, so this elimates Royal Mail at least from bothering them. I put 'do not leave with neighbours' on the delivery instructions if it's not Royal Mail.

It's your front door, you are SO not being unreasonable!

JamieandtheMagicTorch Tue 04-Jun-13 18:15:32

I used to put a note on the door. I became obsessed about their nap times being interrupted.

He was only trying to do a helpful job for your neighbour and as such doesn't deserve to be shouted at (he doesn't know you had sleeping children) but I understand your upset.

diddl Tue 04-Jun-13 18:28:10

He was only trying to make it as easy on himself as possible imo.

There's no need to ring & ring and knock and knock ffs.

Take the fucking hint after one knock/ring why don't you??!!

RenterNomad Tue 04-Jun-13 18:31:57

When we get our own house, I am soooo getting a parcel safe!

Longdistance Tue 04-Jun-13 18:37:32

Yanbu. I'd hate this too.
Pop a sign on your door saying you will not take any parcels for anyone else.

MammaTJ Tue 04-Jun-13 18:44:00

I have my wonderful postie trained to leave parcels somewhere in my garden for me. Sometimes he leaves a note telling me, sometimes he doesn't!! It is better than him waking me when I am trying to sleep after a night shift though.

formicadinosaur Tue 04-Jun-13 18:48:30

I'm all for ignoring demanding delivery men.

However my husbands cousin once told me off for ringing in the middle of PFB's nap time. I didn't actualy know it was nap time and then didn't understand why she hadn't unplugged the phone or turned the volume down. I haven't rung again

CbeebiesIsMyLife Tue 04-Jun-13 18:58:13

Jamie, I'm a very laid back person. Usually I really don't care about nap times. But last night my baby didn't sleep. I know he didn't know, but he could have rung once, accepted I wasn't going to answer and left. I would have even accepted a knock as well as a ring as our door bell is deliberately quiet.

But he didn't he knocked louder and louder repetedly. He shouted and peered through the door and had no intention of leaving.

It's my home, my santuary and I choose who I allow in and who I ignore. He was rude. (Can you tell I've slept and gained some sanity and perspective! Thank goodness for grandparents!)

Mondayschild78 Tue 04-Jun-13 19:54:30


I disconnected our doorbell when DS was 6 weeks old and he's now 19 months and I haven't yet reconnected it.

JamieandtheMagicTorch Tue 04-Jun-13 20:03:32


Yes, you are right

mrswoz Tue 04-Jun-13 21:15:03

Don't delivery drivers/couriers get paid per parcel? I'm sure one of them told me he did, recently, which is why he was trying all the nearby houses to take my neighbour's parcel in for them confused

I have got one of the royal mail stickers but haven't put it on my letter box yet, we usually have the same 3 or 4 postmen and they are great, but some couriers are awful just lately. I was hanging washing in my garden last week and I heard a van, then something being unloaded, then long constant knocking on someone's door, and finally HELLOOOO being shouted 15 times. At the top of his voice! Sure, I could have gone out and taken the parcel in, but he'd annoyed me so much by then I just thought fuck you wink even the DCs were mocking him lol

HollaAtMeBaby Tue 04-Jun-13 22:05:14

Yanbu as it's up to you when to answer the door.

I don't have DCs... is it common for them to be such light sleepers? the babies and children I know seem to be able to sleep through most things!

cronullansw Wed 05-Jun-13 00:42:34

You WERE being completely unreasonable...... he was only trying to go above customer expectations, to get the job done, to deliver the parcel and instead he got shouted at by a mad cranky woman.

He didn't know you'd had a teething issues all night. He was entirely innocent, yet you went off at him as if he was just a piece of shit.

He would have been reasonable to ring and/or knock once, but surely knocking, shouting and peering in, with no intention of leaving, crosses the line to unreasonable behaviour, cronullansw?

ChippingInWiredOnCoffee Wed 05-Jun-13 01:02:36

He was not 'entirely innocent' hmm He was a complete knob jockey.

Ilovemyself Wed 05-Jun-13 01:10:33

I don't understand. The front door is frosted. So he can see the shaped of you sitting there but not what you are doing.

If that is the case then why would he not try to get your attention?

I understand the frustration at the neighbours, but it is hardly the delivery drivers fault. He is just doing a job. It depends on the delivery company as to their policy on delivery, but with the increase in Internet shopping couriers are under increasing pressure to deliver 1st time.

Whereas it used to be a requirement that's parcel was delivered to the actual address but more and more companies are changing this because people complain if they don't get their delivery on time.

I have been on the receiving end of calls from customers complaining that their goods have not been delivered. The first thing a customer says is that it should have been left with a neighbour.

You are not being unreasonable to be annoyed with the neighbour. I do think, though that you are being unreasonable to shout at him and be angry at him when, by your own admission, he didn't know your circumstances. Added to the fact that he could see you were there ( although not what you were doing through frosted glass) I can see why he tried several times.

If it is becoming that much of a problem and you don't want to cause problems by talking to the neighbour why don't you put up a sign saying you only take delivery of letters and parcels addressed to your address.

RationalThought Wed 05-Jun-13 01:18:33

^I don't understand. The front door is frosted. So he can see the shaped of you sitting there but not what you are doing.

If that is the case then why would he not try to get your attention? ^

That would be fine if he tried once or twice. Surely after that anyone with any consideration would realise that there is a reason that the door isn't being answered. It's not as if the parcel was for that address, which would have made it slightly more acceptable.

Do you really think that it is reasonable to ring and then continue knocking on the door indefinitely?

Ilovemyself Wed 05-Jun-13 01:23:25

He rang the doorbell once and knocked twice. It's not like he stood there for 10 minutes or knocked indefinitely. And what did he shout? We haven't been told. It may have been "hello, can you hear me" or "hello, are you ok?"

If the driver doesn't deliver the goods someone will complain. If he tries someone else will. I am gals I don't have to do his job.

CouthyMow Wed 05-Jun-13 01:33:00

I have a laminated sign on my front door that states that I do not take in parcels for any other address than my own, for precisely this reason...

Ilovemyself Wed 05-Jun-13 01:40:10

Glad not gals lol.

Couthymow. What sense.

CouthyMow Wed 05-Jun-13 01:42:13

Cronullansw - how was he 'just doing his job' ? His job, surely, was to deliver a parcel to the OP's neighbour, not to fucking harass the OP by repeatedly ringing the doorbell, knocking on the door AND shouting?!

Why does the OP need to do the parcel delivery person's job for them? If they can't deliver to the recipient, then they leave a card for the recipient yo arrange another delivery time, not piss off her neighbours.

I am not parcel force, and I don't expect to be used like I am.

Sort your own fucking parcels out, cheers!

CouthyMow Wed 05-Jun-13 01:49:22

Because if he can see me sitting there, and I have CHOSEN not to answer the door, then continuing to ring or knock is just going to piss me off. If he can see me, then he KNOWS that I am CHOOSING not to answer the door, for whatever reason.

So in that instance, he should kindly go away and leave me alone.

My NEIGHBOUR'S parcel is HIS problem, not mine. I arrange my deliveries for when I am at home, leave express notes for my parcels not to be left with neighbours if I am not home, if I'm not home for a delivery then it is my OWN responsibility to rearrange it, not my bloody neighbour's job!

I am quite capable of making a phone call when I get a card telling me that I have missed a delivery (only happened twice, when parcels were delivered before 9am when I have asked for afternoon delivery.) I now don't buy if people use shittylink, but I can fix it myself without inconveniencing my neighbours.

Ergo, I don't expect to be disturbed by their bloody shopping either!

CouthyMow Wed 05-Jun-13 01:54:33

Only did the sign AFTER I had at least 5 people do EXACTLY what this delivery driver did. And yes, every damn one of them got a gobfull from me.

My home, don't disturb me unless I have asked for you to.

In the case of parcel delivery people, you are ONLY EVER given that permission if the parcel is addressed to me.

If the customer rings up and complains that the parcel should have been left with a neighbour, did they first ASK that neighbour if they were willing to take in a parcel, BEFORE buying the item? If not, then the customer should be told that it can only be delivered to the DELIVERY ADDRESS. If that is a neighbour's address, as agreed with the neighbour, then fair enough. If not, then the customer should be told its tough, their neighbours are not their own parcel delivery office!

fastyspeedyfast Wed 05-Jun-13 02:14:13

Ask your neighbours to specify under 'special instructions' that companies are NOT to leave parcels at your house. Most websites have a space where you can add these instructions. Your neighbours can pick their parcels up at the delivery office, or have it delivered to their work. Also, stick a note on your door saying you do not accept deliveries for other homes.

MidniteScribbler Wed 05-Jun-13 02:28:08

I've never been asked to take in a parcel for a neighbour and I wouldn't do it. I wouldn't want one of mine left with a neighbour either. If I buy something, I make sure it is delivered either at a time that suits me to be home, or I get it delivered to work, or to my PO Box so I can pick it up at my convenience. A neighbour expecting me to play postman pat for them would be told to bugger off and take responsibility for their own shopping.

CbeebiesIsMyLife Wed 05-Jun-13 06:51:44

Wow, lots more replies since yesterday.
Just to clarify ilove, he rand the door bell once then knocked increasingly louder and harder 3 times. He was stood there for around 5 minute before I answered the door.

Although he may not have seen the baby, he could see that I had seen him. I couldn't hear what he was shouting, but I did hear the word door, so I assume something like answer the door.

I don't really know that neighbour, I only see her when she knocks to pick up a parcel. And that's a quick transfer as she also has kids she has to leave to come and pick up the parcel.

Thanks to every one who said I wasn't BU. and for those who said I was, I've taken opinions and suggestions on board.

We had a decent sleep last night, so hoping for a better day!

Ilovemyself Wed 05-Jun-13 07:10:02

Couthymow. I don't think ringing the bell once and knocking twice is unreasonable. How does he know that you have " chosen" not to answer the door.

You may have headphones in and can't hear him, or the TV turned up loud. Or you may have taken ill.

And it's great to hear how you have respect for your neighbours. Yes, it seems like in this instance the neighbour simply expects it, but what if your neighbour needed to make an emergency drs appointment? Or got held up for some reason?

And if for some reason they need to go out having arranged a delivery how many doors do they knock on to ask if it is ok.

I have on occasion had to go out when something was delivered. On the whole, my neighbours have always been happy to help, and I will always be happy to help myself.

To give the driver a gobfull is just rude. He IS doing his job if the terms of shipping state that a parcel can be left with a neighbour ( which most do nowadays).

As with any walk of life you will find the odd unreasonable person but most couriers are reasonable very hard working people just trying to do what they are paid to do.

I bet the people complaining are the same ones that complained at Christmas when their delivery was delayed.

Ilovemyself Wed 05-Jun-13 07:14:39

Sorry cbeebies. Wasn't ignoring your reply. Started to type and then needed to change a nappy!

Did your neighbour say sorry? Have they asked if it is ok as it is a recurring issue for you? If not I understand why you are upset.

And it is very unusual for a driver to wait 5 minutes. When they have 40+ drops and then collections to make so they can't afford to hang about.

NutcrackerFairy Wed 05-Jun-13 07:26:56

It seems to me that delivery drivers can never get it right.

Either we get the threads about them creeping to front door, not knocking or ringing the bell, delivering a calling card and running off again. Or you get a thread like this one [although this is the first time I have ever read of this situation tbh].

OP, I think YWBU. The poor guy was only trying to do his job. And as someone else said, how was he to know that you didn't have headphones on or hadn't heard him for some other reason?

Now, go and write that note to stick on door and enjoy your rest.

But please don't discourage delivery drivers with their exuberant door ringing and knocking. I MUCH MUCH prefer this to the creepers and the deliveries I keep having to collect from the sorting office EVEN THOUGH I BLOODY WAS HOME WHEN YOU TRIED TO DELIVER THANKS VERY MUCH!!! grin

RollingThunder Wed 05-Jun-13 07:32:09

I once had a delivery driver try really hard to convince me to take in a parcel of his for a local industrial estate several streets over. (He had a delivery for me and them askede to take this one too) he went on and on, wouldn't take no for an answer. (We did say NO)

But it was so strange it was almost comedic! Please take in this parcel it's for x business, its just a left, and a right and the second on left.

And on and on!

I think the difference is that if someone rings or knocks a couple of times, with a gap to allow you to answer its seen as efficient and polite.

Ringing and knocking multiple times when they can see you and shouting is actually quite rude. Especially if they're then going to ask you to do the favour of taking in someone else's parcel.

The line between efficient and rude isn't that thin, but some drivers seem to think it's their right to have you answer the door to them. My neighbour has torn strips off several people for doing this, and even though she is completely nuts and the packages are for her when they come complaining to my door I point out that maybe if they'd politely knocked twice and gone away maybe they wouldn't have gotten that reaction. And then I refuse to take her parcel too, coz she's fricking nuts

Morloth Wed 05-Jun-13 07:52:32

And this is why when I was buying a house I wanted a 'battle axe' block with a gate.

First thing I did was disable the intercom.

If I am expecting you, the gate is open. If you are friend/family and you turn up and the gate is locked you call me.

If you are neither of those things then you can go away. Doesn't matter how long you stand there pressing the button, I can't hear you.

What can I say, I am anti-social.

Ilovemyself Wed 05-Jun-13 08:00:26

So morloth. If you are expecting a delivery of something on a non time critical or specified delivery service how do you deal with it? Spend all day watching for them?

If you are in the sort of fortress you describe then you can simply answer buzzer and say no!

CbeebiesIsMyLife Wed 05-Jun-13 08:03:54

Morloth I like your style!

Put a sign on the door saying you don't take in parcels for other addresses. I refused to take in a parcel the other day for my absolute cunt of a neighbour on the basis that I didn't want to have to interact with her on any level. It's not obligatory.

I only order from amazon or little woods in general because they both use couriers who are happy to chuck parcels over the garden fence (or open the fence and leave it in the shed sometimes!)

SacreBlue Wed 05-Jun-13 08:48:38

A note on the door, but if you know your neighbours they of the numerous parcel brigade why not let them know it doesn't suit too.

Nearly any parcel delivery I have had has asked re leaving with neighbours and you can specify which ones to leave alone too I imagine

My neighbour has LO and is home and doesn't mind but when her newest LO arrives I wouldn't expect her to answer or the delivery guy to know her circumstances so would ask for another neighbour to take it.

Have a chat with your neighbour, if it's mostly the same person's parcels, and let them know not to tick 'leave with neighbour' or at least put leave with neighbour at x but NOT y (OP) address?

TarkaTheOtter Wed 05-Jun-13 09:07:43

Delivery drivers can do right. The can ring the bell once (and perhaps if it doesn't make a noise, knock once). Wait 2 mins. Leave a card if no one answers.

They don't HAVE to either only pretend to attempt delivery or try so hard to deliver they harass your neighbours.

OP, YANBU. I would explain nicely to your neighbours what happened and that you don't wish to take parcels for them anymore and put a sign on your door to that effect.

Ilovemyself Wed 05-Jun-13 09:12:38

I would love to see anyone complaining last 1 week as a dekivery driver!

HarderToKidnap Wed 05-Jun-13 09:19:47

Devils advocate - there's no way he could have seen a slumped back/outline and been concerned for you? Could he clearly see you alive and well or might he have thought you were unconcious form what he could see? That's the only reason I can think of for aggressive knocking. Otherwise it's sheer rudeness and YANBU.

WallaceWindsock Wed 05-Jun-13 09:26:21

I don't understand how anyone can think the OP is unreasonable. A knock on the door is an invitation to open the door. I have ignored people at the door many times when dealing with something more important, I would have been angry if anyone was so presumptive as to stand there hammering away with the expectation that I should open the door.

The OP clearly states that he hammered with increasing volume, this is unnecessary and aggressive.

Ilovemyself Wed 05-Jun-13 09:30:26

Wallacewindsock. I can't belief that there are so many rude people about! Is it polite to ignore someone that knows you are there.

If someone said excuse me in the street would you ignore them? Probably not.

The driver can't answer for himself here, so we just have the side of the original poster.

And increasing the volume doesn't mean it is aggressive. It just means the person knocking thinks you may not have heard them!

Wishiwasanheiress Wed 05-Jun-13 09:30:27

No not bu. once a Jehovah's knocked on mine and woke my dd who had been up all night crying. I gave a mouthful so big so vitriolic and bile felt I was actually shocked at myself.

What really got me was she dragged her 9yr old with her presumably in the forlorn hope she wouldn't be shouted at with a kid. I put that straight too. sad

Still feel bit bad now but knock on my door at your peril!!! ;)

Wishiwasanheiress Wed 05-Jun-13 09:32:01

It's your door. You choose to open it. You do not keep hammering or shouting forcing said door to be opened.

That is aggressive intimidating and rude.

WallaceWindsock Wed 05-Jun-13 09:36:10

Equally is it polite to keep knocking on a door when it is obvious e occupant has chosen not to answer? In our family we have had a large number of bereavements over the past few years. Most occasions where I haven't answered the door I have either been sitting quietly having received bad news, been consoling family etc. Other times I have been mid shower, on the toilet, on the phone, dealing with nappy explosions, extracting a toddler from window sills etc.

The person knocking is offering a request that I answer the door. If the time is not convenient I will not abandon toddler, baby, leap from the shower, pause mid shit, hang up on a relative or cease grieving just to receive a parcel/tell a Jehovah's Witness to bog off etc. It is incredibly rude to continue knocking when the occupant does not answer.

bluecarrot Wed 05-Jun-13 09:36:29

I yelled at the guy who reads the electric meter who let himself into my home TWICE. I normally keep the door locked but first time DD was due home any minute and I was puking in bathroom so I unlocked it do she could get in. Second time I was leaving the house, nipped back in for bottle of water and came back to the hall and he was standing in it. I have an outer door and inner door and he had come through both.

Scared the life out of me. He's due to come back any day now- wonder if he will just leave a card?!

Ilovemyself Wed 05-Jun-13 09:39:49

Wishi. That's so childish. It's my toy and I don't want you to play sounds familiar.

As you don't know the drivers side and you don't know if he was concerned or just thought it plain rude that someone was there and ignoring the door. So your claim of intimidating and aggressive are based on no fact and if he was rude it was just as rude as she was ( not that that is right)

YANBU. Anyone who has to knock on doors for a living should have some basic idea about a whole host of reasons why someone might not want or be able to open the door. Give knocking a try and then give up gracefully and leave the card.

Ilovemyself Wed 05-Jun-13 09:43:48

Blue carrot. That is plane wrong to just let yourself in. I agree with you on that one

Wallace. There is no reason other than a life and death one not to answer the door. You can then politely say no thank you, or not today thanks, or do you mind not knocking in future.

There is a link between the words ignore and ignorance.

Lovecat Wed 05-Jun-13 09:45:28

The OP was not rude at all, Ilovemyself. Nobody has to answer a door and to not even wait for a response but to continue getting louder and louder is extremely rude.

I love how you defend the driver saying that we don't know his side. You're right, we don't. So your claims that he may have been a concerned citizen worried about the OP being ill are similarly based on no fact whatsoever.

Are you a delivery driver, by any chance? smile

Lovecat Wed 05-Jun-13 09:46:45

"No reason other than a life or death one not to answer the door"


So if you're on the loo you should leap up, dripping, and stumble to the door with your pants round your ankles?

Now you're just having a laugh.

MidniteScribbler Wed 05-Jun-13 09:48:14

There is no reason other than a life and death one not to answer the door. You can then politely say no thank you, or not today thanks, or do you mind not knocking in future.

In the shower
In the loo
Changing a pooey nappy

All perfectly valid reasons for not opening the door.

Can't be freaking arsed is also a perfectly acceptable reason.

AndHarry Wed 05-Jun-13 09:53:23

YANBU. This is why we moved from a lovely flat. It had a communal buzzer entry system and people would press until they got an answer.


If we hadn't been renting I would have disconnected it.

IsSpringSprangedYet Wed 05-Jun-13 09:54:04


The lady who does my clothes washing for me, does this and then let's herself in anyway. I woke up to find her half way up my stairs once. She never says when she's coming and I have said to leave it next door with MIL if there is no answer at mine. She is lovely otherwise.

My dad phones and knocks like a loon too.

xylem8 Wed 05-Jun-13 09:54:49

YANBU - how rude he was!!

Corygal Wed 05-Jun-13 09:57:34

YAsooooNBU. I nearly had a heart attack last week when delivery man "knocked" sorry Knocked Down the front door at 730am.

I had to reset and tighten the door locks afterwards, I kid you not.

Ilovemyself Wed 05-Jun-13 09:58:28

No lovecat I am not. But if you read my earlier post I have worked in the shipping industry and know the grief the drivers get. And yes, my claims are also based on not having all the facts but I am putting the opposing view that noone had even considered.

Ok. I concede that being on the loo or changing a nappy or asleep are valid reasons but can't be arsed is just as rude as the driver allegedly was.

I would love to see your face when the delivery driver didn't wait for you or knock loud enough for you to hear and your parcel wasn't delivered.

And of course they be being rude. They ignored someone. That is by itself rude.

Gunznroses Wed 05-Jun-13 10:01:19

Ilovemyself - Really ? no reason at all ? so if you're having sex you'll disengage to answer the door ? there's a reason for the door and its usually to keep 'other' people out, until you decide to let them in.

and by the way same with phones...I answer them when I want!

Morloth Wed 05-Jun-13 10:02:47

Small packages are delivered to work.

Large household items - amazingly in Oz they actually give you a window so you don't need to stay in all day and if I was expecting one that day I would simply leave the gate open.

There is a mail slot which is big enough to take a good size package into a weatherproof box.

Have been here 2 years now, never missed a package/delivery and annoying callers happen to other people. Living in a ground floor flat in a row of London terrace's taught me that I have a very low threshold for these things.

I don't answer the door/phone if I don't feel like it.

I also have a beware of the dog sign on the gate with a huge snarling picture. I don't actually have a dog, but it puts off anyone who might not have gotten the hint.

MidniteScribbler Wed 05-Jun-13 10:03:07

I would love to see your face when the delivery driver didn't wait for you or knock loud enough for you to hear and your parcel wasn't delivered.

But it wasn't the OPs parcel. It was the neighbours parcel. The OP is under no obligation whatsoever to play secretary for her neighbour who can't organise their own parcel deliveries. The driver can knock, but if it is not answered or ignored, then they need to move on, not carry on like a fruitloop because it meant more work for him to redeliver. People who expect their neighbours to get up and answer a door to take in parcels for them without so much as even a 'do you mind' are the rude ones.

Perhaps if some drivers didn't act like such prats, they wouldn't have the reputation that they do have?

debduck Wed 05-Jun-13 10:03:15

cheese on toast solves most problems, poss excluding weight loss and diabetes. However, I'd have done the same. I like the idea of the note.

This is why the service industry and customer service is going down the pan. People with the attitude that as I'm doing my job you should bow down to my demands. Sod the fact that op was doing her job as a mother and comforting her child. Delivery is a customer service,m the drivers should serve the customers, there should be no expectation that others will serve them, the service to the customer may be at the drivers convenience but that doest mean everybody else has to be. Legally you have a right of peaceable enjoyment of your home. No one who is 'just doing their job badly' has the right to break that.

gamerchick35 Wed 05-Jun-13 10:04:25

I had to register to maybe stick up for the driver a tad. I know I wouldn't do their jobs in a million.

They're ruled by their saturn.. all stops are loaded up into that machine.. it predicts the route and the times, as well as the 'must deliver by this time parcels'. They are under immense pressure from their depots to deliver and an owner driver can be taking out 120+ stops. ANY returns made if they are an owner driver means they don't get paid. The drivers don't get paid, their supervisor gets his arse kicked verbally all over the depot by the ops manager and so it goes on up the management food chain.. all because the driver can't deliver that parcel for whatever reason.

Maybe he was a bit loud and yes you have the right to be pissed off.. however with the greatest of respect you have taken in parcels previously and he probably knew that.. so really you should hold some of the responsibility and your annoyance should be directed to your neighbours who are actually the ones taking the piss.

Tell your neighbours no more and put a sign on your door. Jobs a goodun.

MNBlackpoolandFylde Wed 05-Jun-13 10:09:24

A delivery driver actually put a crack in my door not very long ago doing this, I was in the shower at the time and trying to get out, get a towel and get to the door. I actually do not think you were being unreasonable.

Ilovemyself Wed 05-Jun-13 10:18:23

Midnite. The OP didn't know it wasn't for her until she answered the door!

Yes you are right that neighbours should expect, but if you get on with your neighbours it isn't normally a problem.

And it isn't just that it causes more work. If you return a percentage of parcels then either they have to be added to the round the following day ( causing even more of a tight schedule) or they sit around the depot where they are in the way.

Eagle. The problem with customer service in this country is that a lot of people think that the customer is always right, even when they are wrong. Just because she was doing her job as a mum doesn't mean she should be rude, even if the other person is ( not that we can confirm that)

Gamerchick35 - you are 100% right, not that those complaining will ever get it.

MidniteScribbler Wed 05-Jun-13 10:21:48

A van pulled up outside and tried to deliver a parcel next door. She wasn't in so the delivery driver came and rand my door bell.

OP knew it wasn't for her.

And it isn't just that it causes more work. If you return a percentage of parcels then either they have to be added to the round the following day ( causing even more of a tight schedule) or they sit around the depot where they are in the way.

Or they could start to think about more efficient ways of delivery. How about instead of just assuming it can be left with a neighbour, that they actually have a section asking where it CAN be left? Or if delivering to a private address they could pick up the phone and make arrangements for which day it will be delivered. Or set up an automated SMS/Email service which sends a message the night before to say that a parcel will be delivered so people know when to stay home. Too logical?

TarkaTheOtter Wed 05-Jun-13 10:24:09

I don't think it is rude to not answer the door if you haven't invited somebody to knock.

gamerchick35 Wed 05-Jun-13 10:24:46

You're right Ilove if you have no experience of an industry then people don't understand the work that goes in to get people their parcels on time.

Still at least my husband will be happy I actually listen when he tells me about his work. The stress of getting returns added to the next days rounds when they get in excess of 5000 parcels a day to get out makes me feel sorry for them.

Still, all rudeness is turned into a story at the end of the days work... along with deliveries that are made to woman who are sunbathing naked in the garden.

FrustratedSycamoresRocks Wed 05-Jun-13 10:25:05

If you're on the loo, you must hobble with your pants around your ankles and unwiped bum sticking out to answer the door. grin guaranteed way to make sure they don't knock again! grin

WallaceWindsock Wed 05-Jun-13 10:26:12

Ilovemyself I shall remember that next time I'm on the loo and the postie knocks. I have post baby piles and am a bit of a mess when on the loo. I'm sure he will be immensely grateful I answered the door with blood and shit dripping everywhere. I don't believe it is ignorance that stops me from sprinting to the door, abandoning whatever I am doing, it's consideration. I'd rather consider my needs (toilet), my children's needs (stuck, hurt, crying, poo explosion), the needs of family etc than prioritise the needs of whoever happens to be knocking on the door. I think ignoring my children or family to collect a parcel is far more ignorant.

gamerchick35 Wed 05-Jun-13 10:29:05

There is usually a checkbox on ordering if a parcel can be left with a neighbour.. obviously this is the case as the OP (sorry for talking about you in the third OP) and as she has taken in parcels before and chose not too this time is relevant IMO. The driver wasn't to know she wasn't in the mood that day.. he may have thought she was seriously ill perhaps.

Rudeness is rudeness and steps need to be taken so the OP isn't interrupted again that doesn't involve yelling at somebody.

That said, prolonged banging is damned annoying and I 'do' understand where that rudeness came from. He probably won't knock again anyway after that.

gamerchick35 Wed 05-Jun-13 10:31:03

[quote] TarkaTheOtter Wed 05-Jun-13 10:24:09

I don't think it is rude to not answer the door if you haven't invited somebody to knock. [/quote]

this made me chuckle ^^.. I take it you've taped up your letter box then tarka? :D

WallaceWindsock Wed 05-Jun-13 10:31:19

Also for those of you arguing that we dot understand the other side of this fair enough. However as someone up thread mentioned, we shouldn't have to inconvenience ourselves because the industry is hard for delivery drivers. Changes should be made to ensure tat the drivers aren't faced with such consequences of they can't deliver parcels. It isn't the customers fault that they can't or won't answer the door and isnt the delivery drivers. So your issue should be with the policy and not those of us who chose not to answer the door for whatever reason.

Lambzig Wed 05-Jun-13 10:32:00

Tell your neighbours to get a parcel box. My neighbours used to take parcels in for us all the time. I don't think they minded and we used to give them a bottle of wine every so often to say thanks, but we were worried we were being cheeky. We decided to get a parcel box and now anything gets left in there, much easier.

GhoulWithADragonTattoo Wed 05-Jun-13 10:34:33

YANBU at all. One ring on the doorbell, wait for a minute and then a knock at the door just in case doorbell not working or person is hard of hearing. Then leave. Lots of reasons why people might not answer the door.

katieks Wed 05-Jun-13 10:37:20

I second the sign. When I had first baby, people from the street were forever popping in for a chat and a look at the baby. I was shattered. Until I put up a sign saying 'mother & baby resting. Please don't disturb'. Just put a sign up. I have told off people previously as well when they ignore sign.

dancingwithmyselfandthecat Wed 05-Jun-13 10:37:41

While I have sympathy for anyone whose job causes them stress, it's absolutely not my problem if I haven't created the stress by ordering the fecking parcel, and its not my responsibility to sort it out either for the delivery man or the neighbour.

I work from home 2-3 days a week. Not answering the door is not rude. It is "focusing on my job". I would be very short with someone who banged hard on the window during eg a conference call as well.

gamerchick35 Wed 05-Jun-13 10:38:49

Then I must point out and earlier smidge of a post I made. If somebody takes in parcels for their neighbours.. how is the driver to know that that day said person has had a bad night or whatever and didn't want to do it that day? They don't have the gift of sight. That particular deliver service might well have the text alert in place and the neighbour got that and as they know their neighbour has willingly taken in parcels previously they probably didn't give it a second thought.

So again.. the neighbour is the one who need telling.

dancingwithmyselfandthecat Wed 05-Jun-13 10:41:36

The neighbour isn't the one peering and knocking so hard OP was was worried he would break the glass. Both were in the wrong.

gamerchick35 Wed 05-Jun-13 10:45:12

I agree.. the driver was out of line.. he shouldn't have done what he did and if the OP makes a quick call to the depot and asks to speak to the operations manager then they will have a word with that driver (and they will, arse kickings happen.. well unless it's yodel probably.

It's happened now and obviously something needs to be said to someone so the OP doesn't have to take in any more parcels. It's not rocket science.

MNBlackpoolandFylde Wed 05-Jun-13 10:53:44

"well unless it's yodel probably"

This made me giggle grin

Bearbehind Wed 05-Jun-13 10:55:42

Surely if you'd seen the delivery driver go next door and knew what he was doing, it would have been easier to open the door and take the parcel rather than have him banging on the door for 5 minutes and waking up the children?

I can see its annoying if the parcel isn't for you, but I think waking the children could have been avoided.

I'm shocked at the number of people who order stuff on line then don't open the door for their own things- that's pretty selfish IMO and hardly fair on the delivery drivers. It's no wonder they get pissed off.

gamerchick35 Wed 05-Jun-13 10:58:13

Yes yodel are insane.. they have ingenious ways of disguising parcels with door mats or indeed just leaving them in plain sight. Or in my case, leaving laptops in the bin cupboard hmm

FrustratedSycamoresRocks Wed 05-Jun-13 10:59:08

I only take in parcels for one neighbour, because we're a semi and I can hear when she gets home and refuse the rest, even if they do knock.

I do ignore the door if I am busy doing other things or if the dc require my attention.

londone17 Wed 05-Jun-13 11:05:47

I get regular parcels and have a lovely retired neighbour who very kindly takes them in when I'm not there. I put a sign on my front door saying this. He likes having something to do and makes my life easier. He gets chocolates, lifts and can ask me for anything anytime. This is different as we have an arrangement.

Ilovemyself I think its perfectly acceptable to be rude to someone when has been rude to you first. Ringing, leaving it a minute then knocking then leaving isn't rude. Ringing knocking several times and shouting is very rude. Waiting for 5 mins also sort of defeats the tight round argument and is exceptionally rude. He deserved what he had coming to him. He also shouted first. Treat others as you want to be treated and all that. The customer isn't always right but when you pay for a service common courtesy needs to be extended to the customer or in this case their representatives, if not then don't expect any in return.

bordellosboheme Wed 05-Jun-13 12:06:37


YANBU. I've been in your shoes OP and in those circumstances I'd probably have been up on an assault charge! sad

And to the people saying that you should always answer the door, tough!

I've started ignoring the knocks on the door from kids calling for my kids whilst my daughter is doing her daily reading practice straight after school. It was so disruptive during what is already a major chore. Since I made that decision my stress levels have dropped considerably. grin

Katnisscupcake Wed 05-Jun-13 12:22:51

Put a note on the door (sorry, haven't read the whole thread in case someone has already suggested this).

I work from home and typically whenever the doorbell goes (and makes the dogs bark), I'm on a conference call. So I have a note on the door saying 'Working from Home. Unless you are making a delivery please do NOT ring the doorbell'. I'm never interrupted now unless they are delivering something to me.

When DD was a baby the note read 'Newborn baby sleeping, please do not ring the doorbell as dogs will bark'. I watched out if I was expecting a delivery. Again, no doorbells! smile

If I was you I would put something like that. Seems to work around here.

By the way, YANBU.

Bertrude Wed 05-Jun-13 12:35:01

cheese on toast solves most problems, excluding weight loss and diabetes

This will be my new phrase. Love it.

Anyway, YANBU OP. I have done similar previously in a similarly knackered state - I got up and went to my front door and shouted that I was deliberately ignoring them, because I was trying to get some sleep after being up for 32 hours due to travelling and had just got comfy. I wasn't expecting anything, and it was a water machine salesman!

I was also very unreasonable the time I was off work with a broken ankle and therefore crutches. I couldn't make myself any food, so I ordered takeaway. The front door opens into the dining room and the table was about 5 metres away. Pizza guy rings bell about 5 times (understandable and acceptable - I was being very slow), and proceeds to hand me my pizza box and see me struggling to stand up, hold pizza, and pay him all at the same time. Any nice person would have possibly offered to at least put it on the table for me. I may have shouted at him for being mean to someone who was obviosuly struggling. Its not his problem how I get the food from door to eating place, and they're probably not allowed to enter homes. I put it on the floor and kicked it nearer the sofa in the end because I hadn't considered how to get back to the sofa when I ordered it grin

Ilovemyself Wed 05-Jun-13 12:37:29

Mudding. I like your tough. Basically you are saying screw the rest of the world.

And Eagle. Do you really think it was 5 minutes. Do you not think that as the OP was so stressed at my have seemed longer than it was. I am in no way saying she telling a lie. Just that she may well in her sleep deprived state thought it was longer than it was.

As she had previously accepted parcels why should he expect otherwise.

Finally it is simple. As others have said, if you don't want people to knock or ring put a sign up. Then they have no excuse.

2rebecca Wed 05-Jun-13 12:43:10

As the parcel wasn't even for you I think the delivery man was unreasonable and I would be complaining about him.
I'd remove the battery from the bell if a baby is sleeping though, I also used to turn ringers off on phones.
Next time I'd keep the doors closed so you can't be seen though as people don't persist for as long if they can't obviously see that someone is in and maybe just a bit deaf.

Ilovemyself Wed 05-Jun-13 12:44:22

Bertrude. I am sure the salesman had everyone on the streets schedule and knew you were tired.

And the pizza guy may have been helpful, but he may have been shouted at by a previous customer for stepping inside the door. And that aside some delivery drivers are not insured to step inside the house and are scared they will lose their job if they do. Personally I would have offered but some peopleay not want to.

The best one for me was the mothercare driver that wouldn't put our double buggy in our living room as his insurance would cover him despite my wife being 3 weeks away from having the twins. BTW - despite not sleeping and suffering from horrendous SPD and bursitis she didn't feel the news to should at him

CbeebiesIsMyLife Wed 05-Jun-13 12:52:56

I know I was 5 minutes, I have a clock.

I knew it wasn't for me I watched the man knock on the next doors house, I knew they weren't in, they both work full time and their cars were gone.

I was pinned to the sofa by a sleeping baby. I literally couldn't get to the door without waking her.

I know how much he could see dh ad I are children dh often takes time deliberately answering the door so I've peered and know how clearly he could see. He could see me, he could see me looking at him. And I know he could see I was deliberately ignoring him.

You say I 'willingly' took parcels in before, I think I said normally I'd don't really mind, and I don't but I have never been consulted about this. We moved into the street 4 months ago and not once has the neighbour been round to see if its ok. The previous owners worked full time too so wouldn't have been around to take parcels during the day.

I'm actually shocked at how many people feel answering a door is compulsory do you also think its rude not to answer the phone when I rings?

TarkaTheOtter Wed 05-Jun-13 12:54:39

gamerchick no I don't have my letterbox taped up, what has that got to do with it.
I am often at home during the day. I take parcels for my neighbours. But inside my home I don't think it is rude to decide that I am unavailable and not answer the door when I am not expecting someone/something. It is not my (or the OP's) job or obligation to accept parcels.
I'm sure that delivery drivers are under a lot of pressure to deliver first time but that is something wrong with the business model and not an excuse to pass the responsibility of delivering them onto neighbours.
Some companies (whoever kiddicare use for example) manage short slots, text notification etc. I bet they are able to deliver a lot more of their parcels direct to the recipient first time.

TarkaTheOtter Wed 05-Jun-13 12:56:07

Sorry that had more paragraphs when I was writing it blush

skyeskyeskye Wed 05-Jun-13 12:59:47

My XH was a courier driver and when he used to do parcel delivery, they used to leave them wherever they could. They get paid per drop, which means if the dont deliver it, they leave it wherever they can. He also used to make up signatures and leave it when people were out.

He used to get infuriated when people refused to take parcels in for other people, but I used to try and tell him that people dont have to if they dont want to!

I had somebody leaving a parcel once, who just opened my door and threw it in, she didn't even knock first. I did have a go at her. She said fine, dont expect any parcels then. I said - this is my house and you should knock and wait for the door to be answered. I did complain about her because her of her attitude. The company apologised, said she was self employed, nothing they could do about her.

Ilovemyself Wed 05-Jun-13 13:07:06

In the eyes of the driver you had accepted them before so it would be reasonably safe to think you would do so again.

Just write a sign and everyone will be happy

Ilovemyself Wed 05-Jun-13 13:11:11

Tarka. Do you always know the day something is due? I would have thought not. If you get some thing sent from the forms you complete in a bounty pack. Does the post always take the time stated?

And the business model is based around customers wanting their deliveries for the cheapest price and shortest time possible. If people were willing to pay higher delivery charges it would be different, but people don't want to pay

It wasn't unreasonable to think op would take the parcel as she has before, but hthe driver was unreasonable in his attempt to enforce it or to even expect it. I leant my neighbour £20 once, he may ask me again if he needs to but it doesn't give him the right to stand on my doorstep and demand £20 when he feels like it.

Startail Wed 05-Jun-13 15:24:05

If the parcel is for you that's one thing (I'm slightly deaf and have my post lady trained to bang on the door).

But if the parcel is for next door, he is asking a favour.

Banging and shouting is not a polite way to ask.

Feelingood Wed 05-Jun-13 15:25:10

no imo

just today a one blocked my drive to deliver toneighbour askedme to take it and i spat out "i better had as youve blocked me in" - was loadind car at time to go out. he reeked of stale fags. felt like telling him to really fuck off

OutOfCigarettes Wed 05-Jun-13 15:51:20

YANBU, i would have shouted too! I currently have a note on my doorbell saying 'please do not ring the doorbell-night shift worker sleeping'. Last thing my DH needs is to be woken up for a parcel not even intended for us.

littlemisssarcastic Wed 05-Jun-13 16:08:25

Delivery drivers in my area get paid for each parcel they actually deliver.
They are paid pennies per parcel. They have to attempt delivery up to 3 times, after which the parcel is returned to the warehouse and the driver doesn't get paid because they didn't deliver.
It is not economical to deliver less than 500 a week. Most delivery drivers deliver 100 a day.

People complain because the driver doesn't wait at the door long enough, knocks too loud, knocks too early, too late, leaves parcel out when they're not in, doesn't leave parcel, doesn't make polite conversation etc etc.
No need for rude drivers or rude customers imo. Perhaps the solution is for customers to be in or make solid arrangements if they are expecting a delivery?

Yanbu at all op. I'd have been incandescent with rage but then i feel your pain i have a 2hrly feeding 5mo sleep is very precious.

Loopylala7 Wed 05-Jun-13 16:52:46

We regularly unplug our phone, and I have been known to ignore the door, but it's a bit harder ignoring the door. YANBU. Sleep deprivation is the pits for both you and your little ones

Loopylala7 Wed 05-Jun-13 16:58:37

Littlemisssarcastic, unfortunately with time slots such as 'between 8am and 6pm' it is difficult to be in I'm afraid, you could waste a whole day being in. I feel for the delivery guy, but anyone who's been up with a baby who will not go back to sleep can empathise that it sucks to have your baby woken by door/phone, ESPECIALLY when it's not a parcel for your house.

propertyNIGHTmareBEFOREXMAS Wed 05-Jun-13 17:10:09

Yanbu at all. Your door and whether you answer it is entirely your decision. The guy was rude as fuck to keep banging when it was obvious you had decided not to answer. Good on you for giving him a piece of your mind.

lottieandmia Wed 05-Jun-13 17:18:32

YANBU at all! My pet hate is people knocking who think they are entitled to your time whether you want or are in a position to give it or not. I would have been very angry too.

littlemisssarcastic Wed 05-Jun-13 22:28:57

Totally understand that Loopylala7.

My delivery driver leaves a card with his phone number on, and if I'm not in first time, I usually ring or text him and arrange delivery. He usually gives me a 2 hour slot, so it's not too much hassle to wait in then.

Mind you, my ire would probably be directed at the rudeness of the driver, but also at the neighbour for assuming that OP would take her parcels in.

My delivery driver knocked on my door a while back now and showed me specific instructions that said 'If not in, leave at LMS's house.'

How rude of my next door neighbour to assume I would take their parcel just because I was a SAHM!! I refused!!

Ilovemyself Wed 05-Jun-13 12:37:29

>>>> Mudding. I like your tough. Basically you are saying screw the rest of the world. <<<<

Of course I'm not. I'm saying that sometimes I'm doing something which takes priority over somebody at the door. Aren't I entitled to some consideration too?

Ilovemyself Wed 05-Jun-13 23:57:45

Of course you are. It just seems that most people here have the attitude that a delivery driver is just there to annoy than, and the delivery driver is some form of underling. Or that they are just rude.

Consideration works both ways

cronullansw Thu 06-Jun-13 00:19:07

Seems like only Ilovemyself are I are the only rational ones here.

Op - tell your neighbours, they are the ones creating the situation, not the slightly over eager delivery driver.

If I had been him, I'd have answered you right back, at full volume, in your face, until you were in tears for being so rude and aggressive.

consideration works both ways

It certainly does, so if you ring, knock and shout for 5 minutes you deserve to be treated with the same level of distain. After all, you've just shown what consideration you're willing to give...

Ilovemyself Thu 06-Jun-13 01:03:51

I would probably shout at someone that was blatantly ignoring me. And it is strange the originally the op said the door was frosted ( which means it can't be sen through) and later says her husband can see clearly. Which is it.

I do wonder if there is a little bit of exaggeration by the op as they feel bad about how they treated the delivery driver.

It is easy to understand why a reaction would be like that if you were sleep deprived, and my answer then would be unreasonable but understandable in that case. But the rubbish that has been spouted about not answering the door or intercom shows how self centred we have become

Ilovemyself Thu 06-Jun-13 01:05:45

Cronallansw. Thanks. I can be melodramatic at times but some people take the biscuit.

MidniteScribbler Thu 06-Jun-13 01:16:12

It just seems that most people here have the attitude that a delivery driver is just there to annoy than, and the delivery driver is some form of underling. Or that they are just rude.

I have a fantastic relationship with my courier out here, but thanks anyway. He rings when he's making a big delivery (I recently ordered some appliances) as he knows I'm a single mother and can't carry heavy items so he can organise a time with me. I've even made him a cup of tea after he's delivered them. He knows where the safe spot to leave the parcels is if I'm not home. But he's also smart enough to know that when I was a new mum, if I was on the sofa, I was either asleep or feeding, so he'd just leave the parcel and go. Of if he sees me through the front window on the computer, he knows I'm studying, so just taps on the window, gives a wave, and leaves the parcel on the front doorstep. Or maybe I've just got a courier driver with some common sense?

The Australia Post driver we won't discuss though. Leaves parcels at the local corner store without even attempting delivery because "he doesn't like getting out of his van". Which is why I pay for a PO Box for mail and deliveries so I don't have to deal with him.

Mimishimi Thu 06-Jun-13 01:23:25

I'd be really unhappy if our postman tried to deliver our parcels to the neighbour's or tried to deliver theirs to me! First of all, it's a huge invasion of privacy ( they would now what I am getting in the mail and vice-versa)and secondly, it's not their or my responsibility to keep tabs on when I'm/they are at home and make sure the parcel gets to me/them. It's never happened here in Australia but if it's common in the UK, they need to change that policy!

shows how self centred we have become

Like being so self centred you feel that when you ring a door bell you have a right to be answered regardless? I've demanded their attention, it is my right to have it.

midnite we have a courier round here just like that too (I'm UK). when she took a holiday last year another driver took her route and there were a lot of problems. She apologised to us and a few neighbours on her return even though it wasn't her fault and she is allowed a holiday. She is also one of the few who rings my doorbell, leaves it a bit then knocks.

We used to have a postman like that too but they've changed all the routes now and we have several - the Thursday one give us next doors mail and the same number in the next street our mail. Every thursday. Despite a ton of complaints

Lovecat Thu 06-Jun-13 09:46:27

Ilovemyself, will you please stop calling the OP a liar in your PA 'I do wonder if...' way?

If you can't take a post at face value, then don't respond - to keep on niggling and picking holes is astonishingly rude. But I doubt you'll see it that way as you seem to have appointed yourself the Voice of Reason on this thread (shame that only you and cronullansw agree).

Btw, my husband still works in the shipping industry and has done so for over 20 years - he agrees with me that there's no excuse for rudeness to a customer - or, in fact, like the OP, someone who isn't even the customer but a 3rd party who has no obligation to take anything in or answer her door if she's busy. The driver probably is under stress to make his/her deliveries, I grant you, but they overstepped the mark when they banged repeatedly and shouted on a 3rd party's door. At that point they gave up any right to expect politeness in return.

I often take in deliveries, as I'm at home most days. If I miss them, they put a card through. If they tried to hammer down my door they would get short shrift.

Mimishimi Thu 06-Jun-13 10:16:54

SAHM's are bit of an oddity these days. On one street, you might only have one. The courier or the RM postman soon learns on their route that 95% of the occupants on the street are not going to be at home. Guess whose place s/he is going to take it to? Soon enough, they probably won't even bother attempting to deliver it at the places they've had no luck at, they'll all go straight to the house where they can be fairly sure that someone will be there. It would be nice and neighbourly to take in an occasional parcel for a neighbour but potentially twenty (with eBay) of the bloody things each day? It's really rotten of the RM and courier services to cut their storage costs ( and that's all it is when they pushed for it to become legal) by taking advantage of people's wish to be good neighbour's. If I found out someone had specifically named my address as one to deliver to if they weren't there without asking me first, I'd point blank refuse to sign for it.

What are the legal ramifications if the item is damaged or if a neighbour won't hand it over?

Ilovemyself Thu 06-Jun-13 10:34:19

I didn't say they were lieing. I have made errors when seriously sleep deprived and I wonder if the OP had as well.

It's an open forum and I have every right to put my point across as well. Picking holes can only be done if the holes are there to be picked. Quite often when you start asking questions the actual situation is different to how it was originally worded.

And just because a group of people agree that the OP is fine on an open forum it doesn't automatically make them right. It means they simply have the same pov as the OP, rightly or wrongly.

I do find it hard to believe that any driver would wait 5 minutes. None I know would as thy don't have the time. And you are right that she has no obligation to accept delivery but as she has done so before she has implied to the driver that it is acceptable to deliver there for her neighbour.

And my bugbear is more that people are rude in that they think that they can ignore someone. And so many people on here think it is fine to ignore the door regardless.

You are right. There is no reason for rudeness on either side. And just because someone is rude to you doesn't make it right on any better to be rude back.

And obviously, lovecat, you have appointed yourself the righteous defender of of the OP.

Ilovemyself Thu 06-Jun-13 10:39:51

Mimi. I don't think it is rotten for the companies to try and reduce their storage costs. They are there to make money and a large number of undelivered items has an impact on both cost and service.

It is the responsibility of the person expecting the delivery to be in to collect it, or to nominate an AGREED place for it to be delivered. If not, the courier is not unreasonable to see if anyone is able to take it. They don't have to agree.

And as was said early on, if the person really didn't want to be disturbed all they need do is put a sign on the door. It would be reasonable then to have a go at someone that ignored the sign.

Mimishimi Thu 06-Jun-13 10:50:33

But what if they would want to be disturbed if it was a parcel for them but not if it's for the neighbour's, especially if that potentially means being disturbed many times ? I do agree that the OP could have called out 'Now is not a good time' , shook her head and pointed at her sleeping babe in arms. Perhaps OP, you could make a little sign "Not accepting neighborhood deliveries at this time" and hang it out when you don't want to be disturbed. Of course, that would require you remembering to do it before you needed to.

There is a polite sign up in my window of my door that say my mail/parcels/etc are never to be left in the hands of a particular neighbour (which is also given as a delivery instruction) and that I will not take their parcels either. 9 out of 10 times this is completely ignored. I get arsey drivers who try to force me to take their parcels because I will take for other neighbours. So what I do now is refuse any parcels from those couriers unless one of my neighbours is totally desperate and asks me beforehand. I don't mind them asking me but I do mind them getting arsey whether verbally or repetitively banging. Drivers lose their own money by being like this, I don't care if they don't get paid if they don't have basic manners.

Ilovemyself Thu 06-Jun-13 11:29:49

Eagle. That is perfectly fair, and if they repeatedly ignore your sign I would complain to the depot.

Join the discussion

Join the discussion

Registering is free, easy, and means you can join in the discussion, get discounts, win prizes and lots more.

Register now