To hide from MIL in my room until I get better?

(63 Posts)
SomeoneSaveMe Sun 26-May-13 23:17:19

My MIL is lovely. She's so kind, thinks the world of me and I love her to bits.

I became quite unwell in the last month of my pregnancy due to a pre-existing condition getting dramatically worse. I wasn't coping at all. 3 weeks ago my son arrived and I knew there was no way I could cope with a new baby and a house which had already disintegrated into chaos (my husband works away during the week).

So MIL packed her bags, got on the train and came to stay. Since she's been here she's done everything for me. The laundry, the cooking, the cleaning, shopping, endless cups of tea, baby-minding so I can sleep. Practically she is an absolute treasure and there is no way I can thank her enough or manage without her at the moment. But ...

She doesn't stop talking. Ever. Incessant wittering from the minute I open my bedroom door until I go to bed at night. She even stands outside the bathroom door so she can talk to me. Much as I love her, I may have to kill her.

I need:

MIL: Would you like a cup of tea?
Me: Yes please.
The end.

Not:
MIL: Would you like a cup of tea?
Me: Yes please.
MIL: I'll pop the kettle on then. I bought some teabags earlier as we don't want to run out. I was going to go to Tesco but my friend Maud doesn't like Tesco and would rather go to Waitrose. She used to be a air stewardess you know so she really knows her tea and she says Waitrose ones are the best. Although she admits Asda ones are cheaper. We have the Asda ones at church. They're quite nice too and Maud is right they are a bit cheaper than the Tesco ones, but the box is a bit bigger and they go further. The vicar doesn't drink tea though. Did I tell you? He likes coffee but only instant. He went to India once, it supposed to be very nice there. Maud's son went there once too. Would you like a biscuit with your tea? I bought some nice ones while I was out but I'm not sure if you'll like them. The biscuits are Waitrose are better. My friend Maud always gets hers from there ...
Me: ARRRGH!

I'm being an ungrateful cow aren't I. sad

RachelHRD Sun 26-May-13 23:20:35

Lol I have MIL staying at the moment so totally get where you're coming from......although mine doesn't lift a finger is nowhere near as helpful as yours
Grit your teeth or buy some earplugs!!!!

JoyMachine Sun 26-May-13 23:25:48

Wait until your son starts talking! grin

"Mummy, look at my lego model, I made it just like the picture from the leaflet, except we don't have any blue bricks left, so I had to use black ones of course, and I haven't got a workman minifig, because we've just got pirates and knights Mummy, but maybe I could have some different minifigs next time it's present time, like Christmas, because Father Christmas knows I like Lego, doesn't he Mummy? Though it is a long time until Christmas, so maybe I could save up my pocket money instead? Look at the leaflet, Mummy, there's this set, and this one, and this one. We don't have any of those do we Mummy? Why don't we, Mummy? We could go to John Lewis this afternoon and get some Mummy, couldn't we?"
<silently weeps>

JellicleCat Sun 26-May-13 23:27:49

Ny MIL is a bit like yours in the talking department. I have learnt to tune out while still smiling and nodding. It becomes easier with time.

As the baby gets older you can also send the two of the out for short walks which helps to preserve sanity.

SomeoneSaveMe Sun 26-May-13 23:30:32

I'm buying a gag for my son a lock for my bedroom door JoyMachine.

SomeoneSaveMe Sun 26-May-13 23:31:39

At least now I know why FIL never has his hearing aids turned on.

AgentZigzag Sun 26-May-13 23:42:09

DD1's like this and DD2 looks to be going the same way <self pity>

grin

When it's an adult (and I saw someone yesterday who's the same) although I understand that some people feel compelled to fill in the silence with their routine thoughts, it's incredibly selfish.

Like they don't feel comfortable letting you have any thoughts of your own, let alone get a word in edgeways to voice any of them.

STFU FFS! hmm

Tune out? Ear plugs?

Could you tell her she's talking too much?

grin I know, that's a ridiculous suggestion, sorry.

AlfalfaMum Sun 26-May-13 23:42:16

She's been there for weeks, do you still need her help? If yes, is there anyone that can take over? You could probably both do with a break fom eachother... The problem with in-laws is you can't really tell them when to stfu wink my mil is lovely, but I can only abide her a few days at a time smile

seeker Sun 26-May-13 23:55:21

It doesn't get better. My dd is 17
"Well, I went to Costa with Grace today and she said that she's not going out with Elliot any more but she's not interested in James either even though James likes her, but when we go to Sara's party on Sunday she thinks that Henry ask her out. And she says that Oliver might ask me out and I really like him and I think he might too, , but I'm not sure if he's asking me out to make Grace jealous because he likes Grace too so I asked Grace if she minded and she said she didn't but her face went all cold when she said it do you think she does mind really, mum?

Oh, and ds, 12 We've got a. Tournament next week, and I've got to decid whether John or Ben should go in goal, because Callum can't play. john's better at being a goalie, but he doesn't like it, so if I put him in goal he'll be stroppy so won't play as well in midfield when he comes out of goal. Ben likes being in goal but he gets distracted really easily so when we're playing easier tams he gets bored because eye doesn't have enough to do so then h let's goals in, but when we're playing harder teams he's really good because he's got a lot to do so who should I pick do you think?

JoyMachine Sun 26-May-13 23:57:58

We call it verbal diarrhoea btw!

Sunnywithshowers Sun 26-May-13 23:59:33

YANBU at all.

My DM is like this - I wonder if her internal monologue is set to 'broadcast'.

My sympathies smile

EMUZ Mon 27-May-13 00:03:49

My mum made my dad get hearing aids. Apparently he's hard of hearing
Hears me perfectly grinwink
Funny how he forgets to wear them...

iamadoozermum Mon 27-May-13 00:20:51

This so could be my mum! I love her dearly but boy can she talk and talk and talk ... She cannot abide any kind of silence at all and talks all through TV programmes, films, in the car etc, etc. I have tried telling her to stop the constant wittering but then I get the hurt, "how could you say that to me"/"I don't understand why you don't want to know the full medical history of someone you don't know and are never likely to meet" look. I found it the worst just after I had my kids, I didn't have the patience to put up with it and I did feel really bad because she was really helpful but oh, I'd have killed to have some peace and quiet grin

Gingefringe Mon 27-May-13 00:44:29

Seeker - your DD sounds like Vicky Pollard!

My MIL is a non stop talker as well and has a really loud voice that drones on and on and on and on. I'm very tempted to plug in my iPod when she's about but that would seem rude!

MissBetseyTrotwood Mon 27-May-13 00:49:31

I am the talker. blush

DH has taught me to look for signs of boredom in my victims. Eg. glassy eyes, walking away from me etc etc.

Congratulations on your new arrival! (And I'll leave it there)!

squoosh Mon 27-May-13 00:51:02

Maud sounds like a very wise woman. You should be grateful that you are getting to hear her proclomations on teabags, Asda, Waitrose and biscuits. Who knows what Maud nuggets will be dispensed tomorrow.

Have some gratitude! wink

Theyoniwayisnorthwards Mon 27-May-13 01:15:30

I'm a talker, I am fine being told to shut it if it's done in a humorous/affectionate way. DP just kind of grins at me and says "do you breathe through gills I can't see?"

So long as you don't make her feel like she's upset or annoyed you, you could try making your request for quiet by teasing her in a nice way..

ihavenonameonhere Mon 27-May-13 01:33:55

Ha I am the talker and was as a kid as well, my parents used to tell me they wanted to get me a zip like Zippy from Rainbow because I just never stopped talking

violetshoes Mon 27-May-13 01:45:37

You have my sympathy.

My lovely MIL monologues non-stop. Her mouth seems to be directly wired to her eyes without involving her brain. eg 'I'll just get these cups out of the cupboard, here's a blue one and a green one and I'll turn the pantry light off, the kettles boiled and I'll pour the water in now etc etc etc..............'

Luckily she doesn't expect any response so I have followed DH's lead in nodding and smiling while tuning her out. otherwise I'd have killed her by now

violetshoes Mon 27-May-13 01:50:24

come back apostrophe. kettle's. there we go

piratecat Mon 27-May-13 02:07:44

violetshoes that has really made me laugh. her mouth wired to her eyes!!grin

recall Mon 27-May-13 02:11:20

Missbetsytrowood I too am the talker, I just can't stop, we ought to get together…..would be fun grin I walk down peoples paths still talking as they shut the door, and I stand outside loos talking……I actually get a dry mouth sometimes cos I talk so much, people often yawn at me blush

That is going to be me when I'm a MIL grin Dd has started this too and I remember being asked to stop talking as child and how easily my feelings were hurt. I really try to just switch off like I did with the boys, but she asks questions and expects answers. sad I asked her to play the quiet game driving home (30 min drive) then felt guilty.
Can you just stick your iPod on and tune her out. She sounds like a treasure.

LittleMissLucy Mon 27-May-13 04:08:29

She might be worried about you and how quiet you are and therefore compensating.

mathanxiety Mon 27-May-13 04:21:33

DS regales me with rundowns of 'It's Always Sunny in Philadelhpia', 'Lord of the Rings' all the Batman series, and just recently on a three hour car journey, 'The X Files' and 'Game of fecking Thrones'. We stopped at a filling station and I considered hitching a lift from a hairy trucker just to get away from it. He's not normally a 'talker', but once he gets going on certain topics he.just.won't.shut.up.

Gooeyhead Mon 27-May-13 04:39:16

Yep I'm the talker. My DH is dreading the day our DD can string a sentence together at 11 months she doesn't stop gabbling!!! He's convinced between the two of us he won't get a word in at our house until 2030 at least!!! grin

Itsallabout Mon 27-May-13 04:56:25

You poor thing, the constant chattering on is exhausting some-times.
Enjoy having the help though and your mil does seem lovely.

I had my doesn't stop for breath mil stay for 2 months to help out when I was ill. I tuned out and just nodded ever so often. One day I had enough and took my-self off to bed, head under the duvet and silence ahhhh. Ha, Mil couldn't help her-self she tiptoed into my room and got into bed with me and continued talking.

Death seemed like a great alternative at the moment.

My Dd, a few days later said ' oh goodness Gran, can you please stop talking, my ears are hurting.

claraschu Mon 27-May-13 05:57:23

Has anyone read "Emma"? You guys are describing Miss Bates, one of the funniest characters in literature.

TheFallenNinja Mon 27-May-13 06:19:55

Get a shovel and plenty of lime :-)

SnookyPooky Mon 27-May-13 07:16:07

My lovely Mum is a witterer. There are no silences, ever. She repeats herself a lot too. It's scary that while we are talking on Skype I can take off the headphones, go to the loo, have a few puffs on a cig and come back without her even noticing. It's a constant monologue. It is not unusual for us to be on Skype for up to three hours. When we are finished my DH will ask what my Mum had to say, I can't remember even half of it as I zone out.
I know the ins and outs of the lives of people I have never met and she will say blah blah.....I told you didn't I? I will say yes but she will tell me the whole tale again.

ifyouletmefinish Mon 27-May-13 07:22:59

This is my MIL and the exact same scenario! I sometimes go sit on the toilet just to be alone. I purchased a cross stitch packet so at least I ad something to do with my hands while she talked. I can highly recommend it. And when everyone gets crappy, poorly sewn bookmarks at christmas that will be why.

seeker Mon 27-May-13 07:28:15

Oh, claraschu - and that awful moment when somebody suggests the game of saying three dull things, and Mrs Bates jokes against herself that she is bound to win, and Emma says that the problem is that she will be "limited as to number- only three"

Just makes me cringe to think about it......!

hermioneweasley Mon 27-May-13 07:32:55

Agree with Joymachine - see it as training for having a toddler!

karatekimmi Mon 27-May-13 07:57:09

Superglue on the amazing waitrose biscuits? Surely better than murder!!!

Nicolaeus Mon 27-May-13 08:15:46

My mums a talker too, and repeats herself many many times.

Fortunately she's lovely and also we can all tell her to stop talking and she doesn't get offended (although DH doesn't dare say that so I have to rescue him every so often).

I don't have any real tips. Maybe say you have a headache and ask her to stop talking a bit? This usually works with my mum although I do have to tell her several times before she actually stops talking

elfycat Mon 27-May-13 08:15:55

My MIL is a witterer. I wondered why FIL doesn't get his hearing checked but I think I might have an idea now.

Last night DH (working away) and I were chatting about nonsense on the phone he'd called late and I was in bed half asleep and he said I was turning into his mother, wittering and talking about things that are nothing of interest to him. This was after he'd told be all about a bored board game he's playing with a colleague I've never met, including their form on previous occasions

I told him that if he does that comparison ever again he'll find the locks changed and his belongings waiting for him. grin I might as well. A couple of days at his mother's would do him a world of good.

SueDoku Mon 27-May-13 08:20:31

Your MIL sounds lovely - but I do know what you mean about the talking. A few years ago I went to my aunt's funeral - I hadn't seen my cousin (with whom I have always got on really well) for several years, so after the wake we went back to her house to catch up....we sat chatting for ages, and suddenly realised that all her family (DMIL, DH and 2DSs) were watching us - her DS1 turned to her DH and said in an awed voice, 'It's genetic isn't it?' and we realised that none of them had been able to get a word in for nearly an hour...... blush

ithaka Mon 27-May-13 08:21:31

At least Mrs Bates is kind, as is this MIL.

My MIL never stops talking, loudly, and is also a self serving, small minded, petty, mean judgmental, selfish bitch. I really have to work hard to ignore out her loud unpleasantness.

Fortunately, we hardly see her as she finds having the children around too much for her (despite doing absolutely nothing).

Incessant talkers weary me, in any case. Never mind Jane Austen, I'm with Ronan Keating: 'you say it best, when you say nothing at all.'

mrsdrew Mon 27-May-13 08:39:35

Oh dear Lord..I went to a festival a few years ago with a friend like this. Four days of relentless talking - mostly about how amazing he is and how wonderful his life is. On the last night I deliberately ' got lost' and turned my phone off for two hours so I could have some peace!. Also have a friend who's 3 yr old DS is like this and doesn't stop from the minute he wakes up to till bedtime. She just has to ignore a lot of it whereas I only have to put up with it for a couple of hours so will engage with it. Last time he came over he said 'Mrsdrew, what's this?' and pointed to every single DVD I have (about 100) in turn even though the answer 'It's a DVD' was also exactly the same..... Friend reports spending a lot of time feigning sleep but he still carries on apparently.

Merrin Mon 27-May-13 08:57:49

Treat her to a morning of pampering to give yourself time to recover smile She sounds lovely!

maddening Mon 27-May-13 09:52:37

Do you have any films that the two of you like - can you stick on a dvd so she has to watch the film?

Oldraver Mon 27-May-13 10:49:52

I know I shouldn't be laughing but my DS is like this..he chatters from the moment he gets up until he goes to bed. He can talk all the way through programmes, dinner etc.

We've just been having a bacon sandwich and he was wittering all the way through expecting a response from me

flanbase Mon 27-May-13 10:51:19

you need an ipod

AllYoursBabooshka Mon 27-May-13 11:55:37

YABU! grin

I love a nattering person, I'm naturally very quiet so people like your lovely MIL take the pressure off.

Trust me the alternative is much worse. My ILs are masters of toe curlingly awkward silences where they sit and stare at people waiting for them to talk.

When you don't fill every single silence they end their visit with "Oooh Babooshka, you were very quiet today"

ARGH!

seeker Mon 27-May-13 11:57:57

My family of origin are all natterers. My brother gave my dp a small polished wooden wedge one Christmas. It had "The Acme Patented Word Inserter" written on it!!

reelingintheyears Mon 27-May-13 12:02:18

Brilliant thread. smile

reelingintheyears Mon 27-May-13 12:03:50

DS2 talks incessantly too,a whole load of boring very interesting stuff about nothing.
He's 18,it never gets better. grin

randgirl Mon 27-May-13 12:07:56

I dont really have any advise (except agreeing that its good tranining for when you have a toddler), but i had a good laugh at your post smile

Chottie Mon 27-May-13 12:13:33

Your MiL sounds a real treasure.

I am a talker, so this post has given me food for thought smile congratulations on your new arrival.

K8Middleton Mon 27-May-13 12:17:35

I have a tendency to whitter when nervous blush

Having met a lot of whitterers over the years I have realise that often I am the only person they have spoken to all day, or longer, so I try to be generous and make allowances.

With mil, who sounds lovely although annoying, could you try putting the radio on? That sometimes works with a whitterer.

mmmmsleep Mon 27-May-13 12:30:16

feel for you op..my aunty is like that and yes I just hid in my room with baby.

I wish there was a fb similar like button...the incessant toddler chat post gets a like from me..
sorry op but there is more to come when baby gets older including screaming fits when you dare to think it acceptable that you have a wee ;)

NumTumDeDum Mon 27-May-13 12:39:36

My mum and my mil are talkers. My mum is like Maud. All about supermarket products, pricing, what people I've never met are wearing and saying. Mil is all about what's in The Times, New Scientist, latest research paper. Both utterly exhausting. Mil won't have the tv on. There IS NO escape. Mum talks over the telly. So you can't watch anything even though we've had a massive discussion about what to watch.

I have a 4 yo dd who never stops talking and a 6 mo who squeals with joy a lot.

I dream of silence.

unobtanium Mon 27-May-13 13:12:00

My MIL does that talking and NONE of the helping...

violetshoes Tue 28-May-13 02:41:00

piratecat grin
I may have paraphrased Terry Pratchett blush

Hope you are surviving, op.

Xmasbaby11 Tue 28-May-13 03:40:43

She has been with you for a long time .. is it possible she's bored without her usual daily activities/friends?

My MIL is like that but a. not as funny b. repeats herself c. doesn't help d. with a hint of racism

YABU

My MIL is exactly the same. Never. Stops. Wittering. Carries on talking to you if you leave the room. And if she goes upstairs for something and there is nobody to talk at to, she starts dum-de-duming to some I recognizable tune in her head. And she leaves the bathroom door ajar so she can continue to talk at you if she needs to go for a wee. And she tells you the same stories over and over and over and over again. And she views the world through rose-tinted spectacles (which is nice but sometimes reality intrudes).

But otherwise she is lovely! She is DH's stepmother and both his parents are dead. I'm probably closer to her than he is. He was 23 when his dad married her so she has never been a mother figure to him. Was a reception teacher till she retired and was fab with DS when he was little. And she loves him to bits. She doesn't have children of her own.

She is irritating but lovely. smile

ZillionChocolate Tue 28-May-13 06:58:35

Try waking up with a "headache" today.

hesterton Tue 28-May-13 07:10:17

Just you wait, those with nattery children. They grow up and leave home and you are faced with long, empty silences which make you feel small, uneeded and invisible.

Until you get used to it.

Then when they come back to visit, you have to slip away upstairs for ten minutes every now and then because you are so used to quietness, the constant chatter and noise is hard to deal with.

Allegrogirl Tue 28-May-13 09:01:47

My MIL is like that without being helpful. She'll just witter on with the same old stories I've heard before oblivious to the fact I am trying to deal with the DCs. Three nights with her is my absolute limit. She's very me, me, me but she does at least play with the DCs even though she doesn't help in a practical way. Thank goodness for the internet, at least I can distract myself when she is on the phone. The occasional uhuh and mmm seem to keep the conversation flowing from my end.

OP, your MIL does sound sweet but I hope you recover soon and can manage on your own.

RubyGates Tue 28-May-13 11:52:56

Record her. Leave it playing back through the radio.
See if she notices.

She does sound lovely though, so this might not be the best thing to do. Perhaps you could book a retreat for her at the convent of a silent order.

quoteunquote Tue 28-May-13 12:21:22

turn it in to something useful, ask questions, ask about her childhood, her parents, grandparents, great aunties, uncles, do this at every opportunity, and later on you won't regret missing out,

You will also end up with very detailed information, for your child's family history book.

and it's a lot more interesting to listen to,

my DH, is often amazed at how much i know about his family, MiL and her mother, have loved that I am interested, it beats listening to details of shopping trips, his grandmother has even told me things his mother didn't know,

get her going then ask questions, record if you can, your son will love it when he is older.

YoniOneWayOfLife Tue 28-May-13 12:54:14

You are reminding me of going to a party at my grandparents where there was a bunch of men in their 70-80s talking about the benefits of ear syringing causing deafness - "the secret to a long and happy marriage is not being able to hear the wife" grin - and whether it was too late to start now.

pigletmania Tue 28-May-13 19:39:04

Aww she sounds lovely, can we swap

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