To think that if you receive a wedding present, you should say thank you?!

(112 Posts)
frissonpink Sun 26-May-13 18:31:44

Just that really.

No card. No letter. No phone call. No fb message even!

Just no thank you.

Her wedding was 4 months ago. Just had lunch today with another friend who was a guest, and she asked me if I'd received a thank you , because she hadn't. Both of us had sent cheques for £50 and gifts.

The cheques were cashed incidentally the day after the wedding!

She's a good friend (old school friend). Do we mention it? Or just leave it.?

Souredstones Sun 26-May-13 18:33:00

Mention it. We got to 8 weeks post wedding before ours went out simply because we were waiting for official photos so we could send a relevant one in with each card.

Could be she's being rude though

DiscoDonkey Sun 26-May-13 18:33:50

My friends wedding was two years ago and we never got a thank you , not even mentioned in passing. Rude IMO

frissonpink Sun 26-May-13 18:35:16

Ahh. That's a good point. Maybe she is waiting for something to come back.

I honestly thought maybe it had got lost in the post!

But now there's two of us who have heard nothing. hmm

I might add we weren't even invited to the wedding, only the evening do!

CloudsAndTrees Sun 26-May-13 18:35:17

I wouldn't mention it, but I would remember it.

I have a quite good old school friend that did the same a few years ago, and although I've never mentioned it or held it against her, I do remember and like her a tiny bit less for it. It's just plain rude!

Numberlock Sun 26-May-13 18:35:59

You may have previously thought she was a good friend but she's clearly not.

Christ, how long does it take to write a short message in a card and post it?

Presumably you see her regularly? I'd definitely question her. It's just downright rude.

funkypigeon Sun 26-May-13 18:36:37

YANBU, totally rude IMO.

BarredfromhavingStella Sun 26-May-13 18:40:39

Had to laugh at this thread as it made me realise that my friend never sent me a thank you card or anything & her wedding was 3 years ago-never occurred to me before...

WineNot Sun 26-May-13 18:49:17

Our 'thank yous' went out 3 weeks after the wedding (after we got back from honeymoon) and I felt awful leaving it that long!

oneofthosedays Sun 26-May-13 18:49:34

We went to a friend's wedding a few years ago - Dh, dc1&2 and me - involved a night in the ridiculously expensive hotel, long round trip, new outfits for all of us and a gift, card and money for them. We never heard from them again, no thank you for coming, nothing. I was not impressed!

ghosteditor Sun 26-May-13 18:52:56

how long does it take to write a simple thank you note?

Er... Several weeks before the official photos are ready, then longer to select one and send to the printer, then receive and write personal notes in each! It took us days to write thank you cards as we had dozens and dozens of cards to write.

But YANBU to think a card is common courtesy wink

littlemonkeychops Sun 26-May-13 18:53:37

We went to 3 weddings last summer, all involved travel and hotels etc and giftlists/cash presents. Only got a thank you card for one of them. I do think it's rude but wondered if cards just aren't expected anymore.
When we sent our thank yous out after our wedding it was as much to thank people for making the effort to travel to share our day with us as the presents.

Numberlock Sun 26-May-13 18:58:23

I've never heard of sending photos with thank you notes. I think I'd rather have a thank you card quicker without one. Doesn't have to be a lengthy message - a nice card with "thanks so much for the lovely wine glasses which we can't wait to christen! So glad you were able to join us on our special day. Lots of love from John and Sue."

Leeds2 Sun 26-May-13 18:59:54

I once went to a wedding (about 20 years ago, lol) where the place card at the meal with my name on it said, at the bottom, something like, "The bride and groom thank you for your good wishes, and gifts." Never got a proper thank you. have always remembered it!

My niece got married a month ago, and we received the thank you yesterday. I do know though that she still hasn't got her photos back, although I can't think that they would take 4 months!

Aitchy Sun 26-May-13 19:00:50

We went to a wedding last July and gave the bride and groom £100 (they sent one of those poems with the invite asking for cash)

We haven't heard from them since, let alone had a thank you from them.

Rude rude rude

Bearbehind Sun 26-May-13 19:02:03

ghosteditor if your photos take that long it is possible to just buy normal cards to avoid offending your guests- I'm sure they'd rather have a thank you than a photo!

OP YANBU there are way to many money grabbing brides and grooms out there and I think this is just another symptom.

IMO thank you cards should go out a maximum of 2 weeks after your honeymoon

Numberlock Sun 26-May-13 19:05:06

(they sent one of those poems with the invite asking for cash)

We haven't heard from them since, let alone had a thank you from them.

I'd love someone to come with a poem about how rude they are that you could post back to them!

scaevola Sun 26-May-13 19:09:38

You don't even need to buy cards - just write a letter on ordinary writing paper.

That's what I use when writing thank you letters to the hosts after I've been a guest at a wedding.

StrawberryMojito Sun 26-May-13 19:11:13

YANBU.

We made sure ours were sent out quicky. It is a bug bear of mine generally when people don't say thank you for any gifts. We have family living some distance away that we always send a birthday gift for their children. They never, ever thank us. They do send a gift for our DS and I always make sure I thank them, it's just basic manners.

Also, I really don't get this printing off fancy photos to send with a thank you card. A friend of mine did it following her wedding. It took two months. What is the point?! Just send a thank you card with a personal message within the month. Why would you want people who had spent money on you thinking you hadn't appreciated their gift?

Rant over.

jollygoose Sun 26-May-13 19:14:51

yanbu its very rude not to say thank you. I have grown up neices I have stopped putting money in bday cards as they cant be bothered to say thank you.

ConferencePear Sun 26-May-13 19:17:44

I hate this. We were sent a list lodged at a specified store; the gift we chose was not the cheapest. New outfit for us both, night in a pricey hotel.
I don't even know if they got the gift. This could be a good fiddle for someone dishonest in the store.

Bearbehind Sun 26-May-13 19:21:00

Not great but it's a start:-

Many many moons ago
A couple that we used to know
Invited us to be at their wedding
And cash they wanted instead of bedding

Many many months have past
This bride and groom just can't be assed
To thank the guests who were there
They really don't seen to care

Now they've had their big day
And done everything just their way
All these things I now am knowing
I wish I hadn't bothered going

QueVes Sun 26-May-13 19:22:54

No you're right this is very rude. I went to a wedding a couple of years ago and gave the couple £50 and didn't get a thank you, but a friend who had given more because his wealthy parents chipped in was thanked by the groom in front of me! Wish I hadn't bothered now.

cozietoesie Sun 26-May-13 19:22:59

I've never yet received a thank you for a wedding present. I don't even hope for one these days, let alone expect one.

frissonpink Sun 26-May-13 19:25:32

grin bearbehind that is fabulous!

ohhhh. And yes, this bride had sent a poem asking for cash..

sigh Well, I am heartened to know that I am not alone in thinking this is rude. A simple 'thank you for your gift' would have been sufficient.

As said, we only went to the evening do, but it involved travel, new outfits, the cost of the present and the extortionate prices at the bar that night!

I'm just sooo tempted to put something on FB along the lines of, have good manners gone out of fashion?

Unami Sun 26-May-13 19:28:23

It's never occurred to me to expect a formal thank you for a gift. I would be surprised if I got one, and think it was sweet, if a bit quaint.

Veryunsure Sun 26-May-13 19:28:46

It's rude, we asked for no gifts at our wedding, however the day after I wrote cards to everyone thanking them for attending. Some folk have no class.

I got married 3 years ago and never sent thank you cards

I said thank you personally to each person handing over the card and/or gift
Why should i say thanks twice

That poem is inspired!
So rude not to thank you but I'm not that surprised as people are so grabby these days.
Last year I was invited to a wedding miles from home 2 days before my due date. I immediately declined and sent a nice card explaining why I couldn't attend. I also sent a wedding card and small gift the week before the big day but never heard a thing back!
Mutual friends who had attended the wedding and taken a gift got a thank you card confused

piprabbit Sun 26-May-13 19:35:03

I went to a uni friend's wedding shortly after we left uni, travelled across the country, spent two nights in a hotel, got them a gift.
Didn't hear a thing from them, but wanted to stay in touch so wrote her a note at her parent's address saying thanks for a lovely day, you must send me your new address now you are married etc. etc.
Haven't heard a peep out of her in 15 years. I used to make excuses for her, but now I just think "what a cow bag".

StrawberryMojito Sun 26-May-13 19:35:06

Pisses. I am referring to gifts that don't get handed over personally ie there is a table set up for gifts to be left or presents ordered from a gift list. Or any presents/cash/cheque sent through the post.

In those cases, it is rude when the recipient never even acknowledges the gift.

Unami Sun 26-May-13 19:38:43

You know, if getting a paper thank you note was the only thing that I felt would show appreciation for, or justify, my going to great lengths and expense to attend a function, I'd seriously rethink whether or not I wanted to attend. This all sounds a bit petty and passive aggressive.

ghosteditor Sun 26-May-13 19:41:49

But I keep all the photographic thank you cards I receive as they're nice mementos! Plus, we went travelling for 3 weeks after our wedding and went straight back to work, and had enough admin sorting out my name change. And it took me forever to make DH do his share of note writing/list making wink.

I am rubbish at writing thank you notes but have resolved to improve with the things DD receives as my family is so far away now.

piprabbit Sun 26-May-13 19:44:53

Milking your friends and relatives for cash and gifts and not thanking them at all is rude and thoughtless.
If you don't plan to thank people, tell them in advance and let them make an informed choice about how much they spend and whether they still want to attend.
"We hope you can come to our wedding. To make your life simpler we have set up a gift list at XX. To make our lives simpler we won't be thanking you for gifts."

treaclesoda Sun 26-May-13 19:45:21

I was very late sending thank you notes after my wedding but it was because I was in a battle of wills with my MIL who thought that she needed to explain to me every day, as if I were a particularly dim child, that its good manners to send a thank you note. The more times she mentioned it, the longer it took me to send them. <petty> I think mine were sent about four months after the wedding blush

icklemssunshine1 Sun 26-May-13 19:47:56

I sent everyone who attended our wedding a short but personal thank you note. I think wedding photo cards are pretty but usually there's a generic message inside. A personal note is treasured more.

On the flip side I sent EVERYONE who attended my wedding a thank you note & a friend (who had attended the service, ate our 3 course meal & attended out evening do) sent a text back saying sorry she couldn't get us a present but she was skint at the moment! Cheers! You had no prob eating the wedding meal at £30 pet head & drinking the champagne we laid on!

MrsBungle Sun 26-May-13 19:49:30

I've been to lots of weddings - only 2 of them have not sent a thank you note after. I think it's very rude not to thank someone for their gift.

frissonpink Sun 26-May-13 19:53:34

I love to receive hand written, thoughtfully sent cards. It's that personal touch?

To not send a card because you've said 'thank you' on the day/at the time really just seems lazy to me. hmm

Lazy and poor manners.

I managed to get over 40 thank you cards sent out 2 weeks after the birth of my daughter, when I was still in pain and sleep deprived! But I did feel it was very important to acknowledge in writing their beautiful gifts.

I'm probably a little extreme on this though!

Ickle but presumably you didnt invite her for the gift?

Unami Sun 26-May-13 19:56:06

Again, I wouldn't invite someone to my wedding and then complain about them eating the meal and drinking what I provided - unless they reciprocated with a gift of equal or greater value! Why not just invite the people you want to invite and don't expect a gift as a matter of course.
And give gifts freely without keeping a beady eye on the letter box for a note. These are celebrations - not a balancing act of obligations!

You cant have sent that much of a personal note else youd have known shed not given you a gift

icklemssunshine1 Sun 26-May-13 19:58:54

Stealth, no I didn't invite her for the gift, she was a good friend & I knew about her financial troubles. What annoyed me was that she turned up for the service 30 minutes late - DH & me were sitting at the alter facing the congregation & 39 minutes in we heard the doors slam & she sloped in! Not good form!

icklemssunshine1 Sun 26-May-13 19:59:38

*30 not 39. Damn iPhone & fat fingers!

icklemssunshine1 Sun 26-May-13 20:01:44

She also "forgot" our wedding card. Celebrating our 4th wedding anniversary this year. Still no card!

doublecakeplease Sun 26-May-13 20:02:19

I started a thread like this last year and got massively flamed!
My DH wasn't invited to the daytime so brought gift (really nice champagne and glasses) when he arrived on the night. Our gift was taken from him by a bouncer and put straight on the gift table soobviously no chance of acknowledgment from the couple.

2 months later friend hadn't mentioned it (i see her weekly) so i asked if they'd enjoyed it. She said "dunno - what did you get us?"
I joked that the gift tags must have gone astray and cheekily asked if it had messed up her sending thankyou cards. She said "no - i haven't bothered, my mum nagged me to but i don't see the point"
I also suffered her buying perfume and make up with the John Lewis gift vouchers others had given them. I judgingly assumed that wedding gift vouchers were to b spent on couple / house things!

Bearbehind Sun 26-May-13 20:02:37

unami no one has mentioned the value of the gift in relation to what the bride and groom spent on the guests meal.

Are you suggesting that is the demarcation line then? If the gift costs more than the bride and groom spent on the meal for each guest then they get a thank you, if not they get no thanks because they should have spent more?

redexpat Sun 26-May-13 20:04:02

I didn't send thank yous for 6 months because I was completely overwhelmed by the whole thing (civil service, followed by blessing a week later) compoundd by hte fact that my new hubby was not massively supportive meant that I got depression and just couldnt face it until 6 months later. I wasnt being intentionally rude, it wasnt that I didnt want to, I just couldn't do it at htat point.

Unami Sun 26-May-13 20:07:15

Bear - ickle mentioned that. She was annoyed her guest didn't bring a gift but was happy "eating the wedding meal at £30 a head". I think that's petty.

Personally, I think it's nice if people give you a gift - though there's no obligation to, and it's nice if people send thank you cards, but they're not really standard anymore, I don't think, and nothing to make a big fuss about imo.

Bearbehind Sun 26-May-13 20:10:35

Oops, sorry unami blush

I don't think thank you cards have any relation to the cost of the gift but I do think it is the height of bad manners not to send them.

StrawberryMojito Sun 26-May-13 20:11:09

Frisson, I think I'm the same as you. It comes from my mum making me spend every day following my childhood birthdays or just after Christmas writing thank you notes to people who had bought me gifts. I hated it at the time but I'm glad she did it. It's a nice thing to do and people do appreciate it. If they can spend their time and money on getting you a gift, you can spend 5 mins letting them know it was appreciated (even if you didn't like it).

beginnings Sun 26-May-13 20:18:11

OP you're a person after my own heart. Wedding thank yous went out two days after we were back from honeymoon (we were lucky enough to have 70 to write). After DD was born, the first batch of her cards went out 2 weeks after she was born and then on an as need basis, always within 48 hours of the receipt of the gift. Christmas thank yous by new year, Easter thank yous within the week, her birthday thank yous within the week. Anything else is just rude. I don't understand people who don't say thank you.

Beginning s I always make the effort but do you never just find life gets in the way and makes those timings impossible?

TinBox Sun 26-May-13 20:20:06

You people are keeping stationary companies alive!

frissonpink Sun 26-May-13 20:24:46

Every Christmas Mum made me and my brother write a whole side of A4 paper to say thank you to each relative for their gift.

I also hated doing it at the time, but really do now think it's lovely to send (and also receive!) a personal thank you.

Indeed, I have just returned from another good friend's house today, and bought a lovely card on the way home to post to her to say thank you for lunch.

TBH If I'd had a verbal thank you for the cash, I would feel less aggrieved. But to cash the cheque and say nothing IS rude imo.

frissonpink Sun 26-May-13 20:25:09

TinBox grin True!!

Badvoc Sun 26-May-13 20:27:01

I have sent gifts and been to many weddings where I have recieved no thank you.
I think it's more and more common now tbh.

frissonpink Sun 26-May-13 20:29:06

I think it should therefore be more and more common to take nothing with you to the wedding then wink

Given that it actually costs money to even attend a wedding (travel, outfit, hotel costs, drinks etc)

Talkinpeace Sun 26-May-13 20:29:46

You could always post onto FB that you hope she did actually get your cheque as it might have been stolen while she was on honeymoon wink

Thank you cards are nice, but a text or FB message suffices. I would rather a quick text than an official photo card two months later to be honest, I don't keep cards.

How on earth do you find time to go to lunch in between all the thank you card writing? :-)

Bearbehind Sun 26-May-13 20:33:41

ghosteditor it is a pretty selfish mindset to say that you went back to work after your wedding and had enough admin changing your name. Implying that sending thank you cards was too much trouble.

Getting married and changing your name was your choice.

I'm sure the guests who attended your wedding had to make more of an effort to attend than it would have been to write a thank you card.

Blippetyblip Sun 26-May-13 20:33:50

My cousin got married last September. Couldn't attend but sent a cheque for £50 towards their honeymoon and never received a thank you or any sort - phone call/FB/ Letter / text anything would have done !

Just rude

hazelnutlatte Sun 26-May-13 20:37:13

oh god - my wedding was 2 months ago, we don't have photos back so have been putting off doing thank yous as we wanted to do a card with a photo - I hereby promise I will head out tomorrow, buy some cards and get writing!

ajandjjmum Sun 26-May-13 20:37:59

That's good to hear Strawberry - hope my DC will feel the same! Actually, DS wrote thank you notes for his 21st presents without being nagged - that was a first!! grin

WreckfestAtTiffanys Sun 26-May-13 20:39:51

I hate cards, ALL cards, they are a waste of time money and trees and the mess up my mantlepiece.

It's a YABU from me as I just think they are yet another commercially pressured piece of crap to clog up our lives with.

<huffs>

CaurnieBred Sun 26-May-13 20:42:32

I made use of the fact that we had an online wedding list with Debenhams and started writing my thank you cards before we were even married - I took a whole pile of the cards with me into the hairdressers and wrote a load whilst I was having my highlights done a week before the wedding. I even had a check box on my guest list database that I could mark once I had written the card.

But I do have a reputation for being an anal, control freak, so that might have something to do with it. . .

If people take the time to get you a gift then you send them a thank you card. Tis just simple manners.

I do like receiving cards, but in general they go in the recycling after a week, I might keep a photo of a new baby but not a wedding one.

meganorks Sun 26-May-13 20:48:36

I don't think I have ever had a thank you from anyone for a wedding gift. I wonder if its a generation thing. I intend to send them for my wedding next year if we receive gifts. My personal rule is that you should send a thank you if you don't receive and thank in person. I am bloody slow at sorting out thank yous though so could be months before I actually send!

pigletmania Sun 26-May-13 20:56:55

Yanbu very rude imho

Talkinpeace Sun 26-May-13 21:09:57

In this day and age there is no need for a card

but there is NO excuse not to send FB messages or emails or even texts to people

she could sit on her puter, write a generic email and customise it to each guest to say thankyou in an hour at no cost.

It is the height of rudeness not to.

beginnings Sun 26-May-13 21:19:48

Stealth we came back from our honeymoon on a Bank Holiday weekend and I wrote them over a couple of afternoons, DD's I do once she's in bed. It's no big deal!

I don't always send cards, sometimes I send a letter - but I think a written thank you is very important. Maybe I'm old fashioned!

Jan49 Sun 26-May-13 21:34:50

I think it's very rude to not send a thank you card or similar. It doesn't matter that the recipient doesn't want to keep the card afterwards. The card is to let them know that their present has been received and appreciated and if they then choose to bin/recycle the card, that's fine but they've got the message. Just like a letter.

I continued to send birthday and Christmas cards to 2 children in my extended family until they turned 21 and received about 2 "thank yous" in total in all that time. They live abroad and if I wanted to know if the presents arrived safely I had to phone and ask. I was going to send money in future as that seems to be what they'd most like now. But the first year I sent cash at Christmas, I ended up asking their mother via Facebook if they'd received it, to which she replied "Yes". Not even "Yes thanks". As the children are in their 20s and have never bothered, I stopped sending anything other than a card.

OP, if I were you I'd ask the bride if she received it. Say you're concerned as you didn't hear anything. I think it's worth making people like that aware of how rude they've been.

starfishmummy Sun 26-May-13 22:01:00

My dad told me off for not sending a thank you to some friends of his - they weren't at the wedding (live hundreds of miles away and the present was totally unexpected). I was 40......
I had sent a letter but seemingly they hadn't got it. I felt very blush.

Aitchy Sun 26-May-13 22:53:14

Great poem Bearbehind grin

Bearbehind Sun 26-May-13 22:59:59

Thanks aitchy it would have been better if I'd actually written passed not past but heigh ho!

munchkinmaster Sun 26-May-13 23:10:15

I have no idea how long my cards took but was a long time. I'm useless - took till baby was 4 months for those ones. I'm doing her birthday ones today nearly a month on.

What are the acceptable limits then? I shall endeavour to follow in future.

Beaverfeaver Sun 26-May-13 23:18:09

I got married in July and after a multitude of unfortunate incidents after the wedding we didn't end up getting around to sending thank you's untold December.

At that point we put it in with the Christmas cards.

I wouldn't get too worked up about it just yet.

The traditional rule is that people have up to a year to give wedding gifts after the wedding and the couple have up to a year to send a thank you.

My sister and her husband didn't send thank yous.

I haven't heard any one being bothered about it.

When people invite people they never see its a nice idea as they may not see that person for a long time.

My opinion is that if they are coming to my wedding they have to be close friends or family I see regularly.

Therefore, everyone of my guests have had a personal thank you.

People who were not invited but sent a gift as they had heard through the grapevine about it, then got cards

Bearbehind Sun 26-May-13 23:22:34

Blimey beaver where did you find the 'traditional rule is that people have up to a year to give wedding gifts after the wedding and the couple have up to a year to send a thank you'

I know couples who have split up less than a year after they married!

PaperSeagull Mon 27-May-13 00:35:11

YANBU. If people want all the trappings of a traditional wedding, they should most certainly abide by the tradition of actually thanking their guests. And they should do so in a timely fashion. I wouldn't be particularly impressed by a Facebook or text thank you. Do people actually send their wedding invitations via FB or text? I can't imagine that. Therefore they should be capable of sending thank you notes the old-fashioned way, just as they do invitations.

I received a round robin email wedding invitation recently, so I guess not everyone sticks with tradition.

alarkthatcouldpray Mon 27-May-13 08:53:44

Rude rude rude.

On a related note I am still waiting for a (verbal) thank you from SIL who received a birthday gift of vouchers a month ago from us. A little annoying when they are apparently mortgage-free, send their child to a prep school yet moan about being broke the whole time! Last sentence a bit tic, the gift was given in good faith and was imo a thoughtful and generous present. Lack of gratitude irritates me. I'm sure even the Queen says thank you when presented with a bunch of petrol station flowers!

I did wedding thank you notes as people bought gifts so over half done before the wedding. The rest mainly within a month of the day, later presents obviously as they came in.

I gave my sister a cheque for her wedding nearly 3 yrs ago and she never actually acknowledged it directly to me. I didn't expect a written thank you. Ditto some birthday money earlier this yr. Do some people feel awkward acknowledging a monetary gift?

A bugbear of mine as you can see.

ladythatlunches Mon 27-May-13 08:59:14

When we got married when everyone was sitting down at there meal me and dh went round with favours I think there called?
Anywho we went round to each and every one and said thank you for coming and there gift and they got one of those favour things.

We had a huge sit down meal and a free bar so I think everyone was happy with that smile

frissonpink Mon 27-May-13 09:29:42

Whilst I personally wouldn't send a FB thank you, at least that way thank you would have been said.

I guess we're just both a little hurt that she's found the time to cash the cheques (and as someone rightly send, the time to write and send an invite with a poem for cash!!!) but not the time to write a thank you.

Ahh well. Lesson learnt!

Pigsmummy Mon 27-May-13 16:07:57

I sent around 180 thank you cards after our wedding, we ordered them at the same time as the invites, they were pre printed with a nice message but it still took a couple of weeks to write the envelopes! (both working full time long hours) Four months is taking the piss if they do intend on sending cards.

Next time you see this person then casually ask if they cashed the cheque as you have "forgotten" to check your statement and as they haven't been in touch to thank you you just wondered if said cheque may have been mislaid.

GibberTheMonkey Mon 27-May-13 16:20:12

I found out about 8 years after our wedding that half our than lupus had never arrived.
I had done them in two batches so can only assume one batch vanished somewhere
Noone said anything so I wonder if half our guests sat and bitched about us afterwards and we didn't know to
rectify it

GibberTheMonkey Mon 27-May-13 16:20:46

lupus thank yous

AvonCallingBarksdale Mon 27-May-13 16:30:18

V.v rude IMVHO! Can't bear it actually! Ideally, send a proper thank you card. Failing that, a thank you on "normal" paper, then, in order of preference, an email, text, FB message.

Ragwort Mon 27-May-13 16:31:13

We received a thank you letter from my DH's god-daughter following her recent wedding that had so obviously been written by her mother, totally old fashioned style and no way the sort of language that a young person would use grin.

Totally rude not to send thank you letters, I never forgot on a previous thread about this subject that the couple hadn't been able to send thank you letters as they had been on a three week honeymoon and then needed a month to 'relax' when they got home. hmm - the mind boggles.

After my first wedding <clearly not very happy which is why it didn't last grin> I remember writing thank you letters when we got to the hotel for the first night of the honeymoon !!!

Binkybix Mon 27-May-13 16:38:28

This is a topic I feel very ashamed about.

I wrote my thank you cards the weekend after the wedding, and then completely forgot to send them. I just don't know what happened. By the time I found them I was worried it would look odd sending so late so I didn't do anything, and now I wish I had. I still feel awful when I think about it.

At least DH sent his half, but I still think about this quite often.

DeskPlanner Mon 27-May-13 16:51:13

I take it, its to late to send them

Binkybix Mon 27-May-13 16:55:26

Yep, sadly I think it is now. It would draw the attention of those who hadn't noticed too.

I personally would not notice if I'd received one or not, but I know it does matter to other people.

pictish Mon 27-May-13 16:59:50

I went to a good friend's wedding a couple of years ago.
I had them a bespoke present made by a local craftsman. It cost a fair amount, but she's a good friend and I knew she would love it.

Handed the package over at the wedding, and never heard another thing about it. No thanks...nothing.

Wish I hadn't bothered, and sadly, won't do that again.

BalloonSlayer Mon 27-May-13 17:05:52

We know you've got our present
Because you cashed the cheque
If you can't be arsed to thank us
I'm afraid it's Off You Feck

I had a disaster after my wedding. We were burgled the week after our return from honeymoon. They had obviously been watching the house. The insurance company were bad to deal with, so we had to sort out everything ourselves. It took months and we were back working full time then. We didn't even send Christmas cards that year. I've never before nor since not sent thank you cards, but we tried to thank people verbally but I am sure we missed people out. I still feel bad and the wedding was 2000!

frissonpink Mon 27-May-13 17:13:02

grinBalloonSlayer Love it.

I did initially think maybe she'd sent a card and it had got lost, but given there's two of us who have heard nothing, I think that's unlikely!

pictish Ouch. That's just unbelievably rude.

PaperSeagull Mon 27-May-13 17:13:27

I also think that thank you notes should be personal and specific, i.e. refer to the actual gift that was given. A generic "thank you for the gift" is better than nothing, but it means a lot to people if you mention the present they put time and thought into choosing for you.

Slightly off topic but I once saw a thank you photocard on my friend's fireplace where the bride and groom had put their wedding outfits back on and waded into the water (on honeymoon) and staged a pensive embrace/staring into each others eyes waist-deep in water. It just struck me as utterly ridiculous and OTT

But still, but least they said thank you grin

There was an article in the news last year about a bride and groom posing in a river like that and the bride was swept away, she couldn't swim with the weight of the wet dress and died sad.

*at not but

MyThumbsHaveGoneWeird Mon 27-May-13 17:38:21

Evening do only invite to a cash bar, and a poem asking for cash in with the invitation? Rude and entitled. They don't sound like the sort of couple to think of writing thank you cards.

Do they have any redeeming qualities as friends?

Whoknows that's awful :-(

frissonpink Mon 27-May-13 17:47:26

whoknows sad Yes, I heard that too, although I thought she was stood on a rock and slipped? Awful either way.

mythumbs Well, we were a little hmm that we hadn't actually been invited to the wedding...even more so when the bride spent all of the evening with us. God knows who the actual day guests were - friends of Dad by the look of it. But we'd never ask why we weren't invited. Guest lists are a minefield!

However, she has gone down massively in our view now. As you say, rude and entitled! And thinking on, she never said thank you for a very expensive dress I bought her daughter as a christening present...

Hubb Mon 27-May-13 18:02:38

I've only received one thank you card in all the weddings I have been to. the rest of them, not even a text or anything to acknowledge the gift.

Maybe it is the norm now but I am not happy about it! I sent cards albeit a good few months after my wedding, and still feel paranoid in case any got lost in the post or anything, I hate the thought of not acknowledging/thanking for a present!

I would be happy with a just a text.

Badvoc Mon 27-May-13 18:10:35

I have never recieved a thank you card after a wedding gift, not even from my own siblings (£100 chq in each case)
I sent them after mine (14 years ago), but tbh now I just use text, email or phone.
The cost of stamps is mad, and the card choice isn't great.
To send the number of thank yous today that I sent back in 1999 it would cost over £100!!
Madness.

chickenfactory Tue 28-May-13 11:30:35

I took 6 months to send my thank you cards, I did want nice wedding photos on them so had to wait for photographer to send us photos, then get round to ordering the cards. We also had a huge wedding so had about 200 to write - so that took about a month as I wrote something on everyone's! Was worth the wait in my opinion as people have said how lovely they were and how nice it was to receive.
Have had plenty generic ones myself so wanted to make the effort. OP hope the bride is going down this route rather than nothing at all!
Also received gifts months after wedding, so within the year is acceptable to me.

pussycatwillum Tue 28-May-13 11:49:02

Just realised we didn't get a thank you from the wedding we went to in November.Bother. Wish I hadn't read this now.

frissonpink Tue 28-May-13 11:51:28

Here's the thing though..

If you know you're going to use a professional photo, why don't the couple just inform the photographer as such, and get one photo to them quickly? It really can't be that difficult hmm

Personally, I'd rather receive a 'cheapo' M&S pack of 8 thank you cards with a lovely handwritten message inside, promptly after the affair than some photographic thing 6 months later!!! Both will ultimately (probably) end up in the recycling bin anyway, surely?

The cost of stamps is mad, I agree. But let's be honest, even at over £100, that's only the amount of one cheque that the bride managed to cash! grin

And 200 to write? Really? That's 400 guests!!! Most people are in couples/twos? Wow. In that case, I think you're excused wink

chickenfactory Tue 28-May-13 12:05:48

Yup 400+ guests. Two big catholic families. grin And I wanted a few pics on the cards so wanted to chose from all my lovely photos. Daft now but very important bridezillaesque at the time.

Snugglepiggy Tue 28-May-13 12:35:20

6 months for me seems far too long to leave it to say thank you - no matter how personalised the card.I too would prefer a more prompt acknowledgment just so we know our gift sent through a store gift list service actually arrived safely,and was appreciated.
Therefore I'm now wondering wether we will get a thank you from a wedding we attended several weeks ago.If not I will think it's rude.After all they had our address to send out 'save the day' cards ( What a waste and a duplication IMO - we'd already been told the date verbally and what's wrong with just an invitation.That was always sufficient.)Then we got the invitation with a small gift list choice but carefully worded to imply all they really wanted was money.We chose a gift from the list.Call me old fashioned but they have lived together for ages, have a child and both in well paid jobs so hate giving money.
Really any than you - by e-mail or text - is better than none.

Ragwort Tue 28-May-13 18:19:24

Wow, I agree six months is very rude long. How would you feel if people took six months to reply to your wedding invitation in the first place?

And agree with whoever said £100 on stamps is a lot - but people will happily spend thousands on one day and a load of unnecessary 'extras'. Surely you just factor in the cost of stamps, thank you cards etc into your overall budget.

Bearbehind Tue 28-May-13 18:59:41

I think the people trying to justify that 6 months to send out a thank you card is ok might be the ones that were bridezillas before the wedding.

It is a very mememe mentality and doesn't really reflect the spirit of saying thank you, ie it should be pretty soon after the event rather than being on a posh card.

I'm pretty sure they wouldn't have been happy with people turning up 10 minutes late for the service or maybe popping to shops between the service and the reception because they lead such busy lives they couldn't possibly fit it in at any other time.

Of course, it is better than not bothering to send them at all.

cantbloodywellchoose Tue 28-May-13 19:06:37

YANBU. It's bloody rude to leave it that long. Longest we've 'waited' is 3 months and I thought that they may as well have not bothered by then.

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