AIBU to want to sit in my garden without being subjected to next doors loud music?

(112 Posts)
jamdonut Sun 26-May-13 16:32:28

Just that.

Lovely sunny day,chance to go out and sit in the garden, but next door have friends and their children over,and are playing awful repetitive Ibiza style music loudly. We've tried playing some Muse back at them,and they turned it down a bit,then we went in to have lunch and they turned it back up angry I wouldn't dare go talk to them about it...they're scary!

Euphemia Sun 26-May-13 16:36:19

If you're not prepared to talk to them I don't see how anything's going to change.

NotYoMomma Sun 26-May-13 16:40:02

Ring 101 - we've got new neighbours across the road who resorting in their front garden drinking and topless and bringing down the neighbourhood (dah-ling) I hate it

jamdonut Sun 26-May-13 16:48:29

Euphemia you are right,but we're not good with confrontation.

We own our house,but theirs is council. They've been there 2 year's now,and we've had enough of this crap.

waikikamookau Sun 26-May-13 16:52:54

but it doesnt have to be actual confrontation, more a chat about peace and quiet.
its a bank holiday weekend.
these things always happen,

jamdonut Sun 26-May-13 16:53:40

I don't want that to sound point is that we can't afford to move ,but have to put up with noise,and things being constantly thrown into our garden. And now the kids have started banging on the fence to make our puppy bark. She hardly barks usually, but loud noises scare her.

It has been 2 years of annoyance. Our previous neighbours were no trouble at all.

waikikamookau Sun 26-May-13 16:56:17

tell the kids off, put your head over the fence.

JakeBullet Sun 26-May-13 16:56:55

I feel your pain, I am in a similar situation. I live in a cul de sac and it's all HA. When I moved in, a woman up the road said "oh you're in the noisy bit". Indeed she was right grin, nice weather plus bank holiday weekend equals loud music, plenty of alcohol and lots of noise.

They are actually all quite good natured and harmless so I let it go but it can get a bit annoying at times. They are at it now, lots of swearing (and laughter), loud music and flowing lager.

waikikamookau Sun 26-May-13 16:58:26

my dm gets annoyed about her neighbour who sits in her garden talking on her mobile phone grin

Chottie Sun 26-May-13 16:59:56

i hear your pain, our neighbours have just bought their son a drum kit.....

HoHoHoNoYouDont Sun 26-May-13 17:00:25

If you don't want to confront them then you could post a polite request asking that they turn the music down a little. If that fails then contact the council/Housing Association and environmental health as they will be able to deal with it. Nothing will change unless you take action and they will continue to think it's acceptable.

I can understand you not wanting to confront them though. I have some very unsavoury characters living near me who I wouldn't want to confront either. They're very intimidating.

Souredstones Sun 26-May-13 17:00:27

Yabu if you're not prepared to politely ask them to turn it down.

We play music in the garden and appreciate its not to everyone's taste (rock/metal) but as no one has mentioned it to us that its a problem why would we assume otherwise?

exoticfruits Sun 26-May-13 17:06:08

Yanbu - music shouldn't be played in gardens- there is no excuse, you can listen to it without subjecting others to it.

tallulah Sun 26-May-13 17:13:18

Oh this is my personal bugbear. I like to sit quietly in my garden. Where we used to live the neighbours both sides always had loud music on, it was horrible. Here the people 2 doors down often have their radio on out in the garden and it drives me to a stabby rage. I really wish they'd pass legislation stopping people making a noise because it really isn't fair.

Chottie Sun 26-May-13 17:14:10

Tallulah - I wish you lived next door to me smile

exoticfruits Sun 26-May-13 17:14:59

Hear, hear tallulah.

80sMum Sun 26-May-13 17:16:53

Yes I agree with exoticfruits YANBU ;music shouldn't be played outdoors. It's very inconsiderate to other people who, even if they share the person's musical taste, probably don't want to have it foisted upon them at that particular time.

expatinscotland Sun 26-May-13 17:47:46

I agree with tallulah. SO sick of other peoples' fucking 'music'.

ToffeePenny Sun 26-May-13 18:00:21

You should challenge them to a music duel

Only kidding, YANBU of course

ShellyBoobs Sun 26-May-13 18:35:24

We play music in the garden and appreciate its not to everyone's taste (rock/metal) but as no one has mentioned it to us that its a problem why would we assume otherwise?

What if someone is too shy/anxious to approach you, I suppose it's their tough luck and they just have to put up with your anti-social ways?

What's wrong with thinking about other people?

Souredstones Sun 26-May-13 18:36:27

We do. It's not loud and we assume if it were a nuisance someone would say, we talk to all our neighbours. If someone asked us to we would turn it off. No one has yet asked us to.

ShellyBoobs Sun 26-May-13 18:39:04

Ah ok, sorry Soured, I took your post to mean that unless you were approached by soomeone asking you not to, you'd just play it as loud as you like.

marjproops Sun 26-May-13 18:39:58

Helloooo. absolutely Tallulah.

weve had to come in and its not even next door, its the other end of the street and the whole street is shaking, but the accused are the troublemakers of the street so KNOW they'll get away with it cos the rest of us think even the noise police are scared of them.

Souredstones Sun 26-May-13 18:40:34

Apology not needed smile no, we like loud music as much as the next person but leave that for our trip to the music festivals grin

maddening Sun 26-May-13 18:43:47

Go round when all is quiet and explain calmly your issues - including banging on the fence and chucking stuff over the fence. Log what is said and their response. Give them a couple of weeks to address this.

If they were pleasant on your visit/complaint but the issye continues then approach them again. If they were unpleasant/aggressive and the noise /issues continue then go to environmental health.

Keep a diary from your first complaint detailing the complaint and their response and subsequent issues. Include the type of noise, duration and it's impact on you.

maddening Sun 26-May-13 18:44:34

Oh and times of the issues

twofingerstoGideon Sun 26-May-13 18:57:01

We play music in the garden and appreciate its not to everyone's taste (rock/metal) but as no one has mentioned it to us that its a problem why would we assume otherwise?

Glad I don't live next door to you. If you 'appreciate it's not to everyone's taste', why subject your neighbours to it? Presumably if they wanted to listen to rock/metal, rather than have peace and quiet, they'd play their own. Through headphones ideally.

This is really symptomatic of people putting their own 'wants' before other people's comfort and peace.

exoticfruits Sun 26-May-13 19:06:16

Why not play through headphones?

mermaid101 Sun 26-May-13 19:15:30

I posted about this last night. My DH had had his radio on in the garden, I had asked him to turn it off and although he did, he was slightly annoyed.
I asked if I had been U to ask him to do this as I, like you, think this is intrusive and selfish.

To my astonishment, another poster called me "a right selfish knob" for suggesting that music should not be played on - I think - the basis that I would have been making other noise in the garden.

I feel for you. It's a shame you can't speak to your neighbours about this. I just don't think that it is completely necessary to have music on outside. Is it really so important?

Many replies to my post illustrated that lost of people are very bothered and upset by their neighbours doing this.

jamdonut Sun 26-May-13 20:28:57

Thanks for the replies. Glad most people think I am not being unreasonable. There's no way I would approach them about it,but I've been keeping a record and might try the council's housing department soon,if I feel brave enough. I don't mind ordinary noise...and could put up with a little bit of music if it was just quietly playing in the background,but this was loud and just awful repetitive club stuff that I could hear every word of.

I mean...I like loud music.I go to festivals and rock concerts...but not in my back garden,thank you.hmm

Talkinpeace Sun 26-May-13 20:32:17

A pub over a mile from here had an "All day party" today.
I reported it to the Police and the Council
we could hear EVERY NOTE : as could ten thousand other homes

THis site
was easy to use

I feel your pain, i once had a neighbour many years ago who made my nightimes a living nightmare by playing Elvis Presely every single night all night. So glad i moved house. I tried talking to him but he just threatened me, so i see what you mean about your neighbour being scary.
The only thing i can say, is write a diary everyday of the noise levels and after you have many entries take it down the council-they may be able to evict them in due course. Just keep complaining and writing that diary, maybe not now but in a year or so you may see the back of them.

rainrainandmorerain Sun 26-May-13 21:46:48

I hate this problem. I think it's partly (slightly) down to the idea that a garden is another room in our homes - when it isn't, it is a garden, and our behaviour/sound while we are in our gardens has a much greater potential to disturb than what we do in our living rooms.

Walls contain music (to a degree) - gardens don't. I used to live in a terraced 'block' (houses in terrace backed onto other gardens of terraced houses opposite). Come a sunny day, lots of people would be out in their gardens - one or two tossers would have their music on full blast, really deafening, and it contaminated an entire bloody neighbourhood.

Noise pollution is a big problem - councils have some power to act, BUT it takes a long, long time. Noise diaries, warning letters, more warning letters, evidence recorded by noise pollution officers, court appearance - it can be done, and it is, but it takes a long time. Police have no powers to do anything about it - and if you call 101 or 111 or whatever the number is in your area, all they do is put you through to the relevant council number. They have no actual powers themselves.

I sympathise hugely.

exoticfruits Sun 26-May-13 22:08:25

I hate it on property programmes when they say the garden is 'a great space for summer entertaining'-NO it isn't!! I don't want neighbours having regular outside evening parties.

JakeBullet Mon 27-May-13 07:39:24

Our neighbours went on until 3am!!! My only saving grace was that at 10pm they took the party indoors. Best of all was the reason for the celebration....their DD was 4 yesterday. Judging by the language it didn't stop one or two aunties/uncles/whatever downing large quantities of lager.

This morning it is peaceful and I am in the garden drinking coffee and MNing. might stick on some loud classical stuff grin

therighttoshoes Mon 27-May-13 11:09:35

why shouldn't people use their gardens for entertaining and play music at a reasonable hour? when it comes to summertime and gardens it's about give and take.
Do I appreciate my neighbors mowing their lawn and doing DIY at 09:00 on a Sunday morning? NO! Do I appreciate that they regularly light fires and BBQ when I have my doors and windows open and washing out? NO! Do I appreciate when their little girls plays football against my fence? No. Do I appreciate when their little girls climbs the fence (that is really quite fragile and and would be up to my landlord to replace) to stare at us? No.
Do they appreciate it when I have BBQ's, entertain friends and play music? Possibly not, but as neighbors we both understand that when you live in such a close proximity to other people there will be occasions when our "peace and quiet" will be disturbed.

I think anyone that states they like to enjoy peace and quiet in their garden is being unreasonable unless they live somewhere very secluded.

JakeBullet Mon 27-May-13 13:24:04

Ah but there is reasonable enjoyment of music etc and unreasonable. Reasonable is nice day, bank holiday and occasionally, unreasonable is every bloody weekend in the summer and continuing all night. God knows how they manage it as they all have young children...or maybe I am just an old fat.

tallulah Mon 27-May-13 13:39:07

therighttoshoes where we used to live (new estate, houses crammed in together) every house (except ours) had a big party at least once during the summer. They always started at about midday and went on into the early hours. As there were a lot of houses that meant every weekend there would be noise somewhere. Every bloody weekend.

Where has this idea come from that it is reasonable? If you want a party hire a hall. If you want to listen to music go to a festival. Nobody needs to inflict their noise on other people. You expect to hear lawn mowers, children playing, people talking. General everyday noise. But not music.

I think anyone that states they like to enjoy peace and quiet in their garden is being unreasonable unless they live somewhere very secluded. How about turning that on its head? Anyone who wants to make a lot of noise should live somewhere very secluded.

xylem8 Mon 27-May-13 15:44:36

YANBU. For some reason lawnmowers, hedgecutters, even strimmers don't bother me.Children playing, shouting , crying and even screeching I can tolerate, but music played outside really really winds me up.Bizarre!

Binkybix Mon 27-May-13 16:05:48

Ooh I can't decide on this one because I can see both sides. I think playing music at a low-ish volume is ok, but maybe because I've never lived next to someone who takes the piss I feel more relaxed about it. I do think its ok to have a party in the garden though if music is not loud, although again I've never been in a position where this happens more than a few weekends a summer.

Personally I find children playing loudly more annoying than music, but there has to be some give and take.

CrispyBF Mon 27-May-13 16:10:12

Same as xylem8 - I can tolerate most noises, but music/radio, even on a low volume, seems to trigger some part of my brain that causes rage. I wish it didn't, but a reaction is a reaction!

I wouldn't mind a couple of times a year though, especially if a note had been popped through the door etc and it didn't go on until too late.

alienbanana Mon 27-May-13 16:11:23

Nothing wrong with music in your garden on a sunny BH Monday.. the shitness of the music would annoy me, but I don't see a problemwith it.

Sounds like you have other problems with them though.

jamdonut Mon 27-May-13 16:19:12

All is peaceful(ish) today (some child noise but acceptable levels!)

I think anyone that states they like to enjoy peace and quiet in their garden is being unreasonable unless they live somewhere very secluded.

I think this is a very unfair statement. No-one should have to put up with unreasonable noise. Just because you want a BBQ/party doesn't give you the right to upset everyone else's day.

I also don't think lawn mowers should be used early at weekends...have some respect for other people!

itsnothingoriginal Mon 27-May-13 18:11:12

There is always someone who thinks loud music played in gardens is reasonable confused but I genuinely can't understand why?

If it's about your right to do what you like then what about the rights of others to enjoy peace and quiet and the sounds of birdsong etc..

Maybe I'm just old before my time but I really don't get this argument when we are very unlikely to share music taste/radio with our neighbours.

I've got a neighbour who can't be outside without radio 1 on full blast and it ruins the summer for everyone when he's around.

Talkinpeace Mon 27-May-13 18:19:54

WE have regular parties in the summer
we always let our neighbours know beforehand and the one time we had sound system and lasers running till 3am we prewarned them and they sat and watched

I really dislike loudness in the garden even at my own parties and put a rule of acoustic only (live playing) and stop at midnight

alienbanana Mon 27-May-13 18:23:45

My almost deaf neighbor used to spend about an hour mowing his tiny lawn... That was annoying enough.
He'd then wheel his tv into the garden and watch coronation street on very very loud.

That was pre DC though... So at least we could escape to the pub smile

Music really doesnt bother me though. I play it outside occasionally, as do my neighbors.

exoticfruits Mon 27-May-13 19:23:27

It makes you want to live in the middle of nowhere, without any neighbours-I want to know that I can go in my garden and have peace and quiet. I don't mind lawn mowers, children playing, chatter-I just can't stand music or radios, of any volume, in gardens-ever.

HamsterDam Mon 27-May-13 20:56:05

was worried op might be my neighbour. i play music in the kitchen so we can hear it out in the garden, not loud but i guess they can hear it, in fact one time i heard the man that lives there singing along to Amy winehouse. i have very eclectic taste so nothing repetitive, never full volume and never late at night. have had the odd party but always go inside at 11. im pretty sure they would speak to me if it bothered them, can't see the problem with it really, i like to listen to music while im enjoying my garden, sometimes we sing too does that make it worse??

arabesque Mon 27-May-13 21:44:48

Well, while you're 'enjoying your garden' Hamster, other people are trying to enjoy there's too. Loud music just isn't on, as it's not something you can contain within your own garden, and isn't something inevitable like kids playing, a lawn mower going etc.

Also, I cannot stand people who do something they know is probably annoying the neighbours but use the reasoning that 'they haven't said anything so it must be okay'. A lot of people don't want to get into confrontations with people they have to see every day of the week so will put up with a fair amount to avoid any awkwardness. It's totally unfair to put the onus on them to object, as opposed to being a bit considerate and not making unnecessary noise.

frillyflower Mon 27-May-13 22:11:58

Our neighbours have a barbecue almost every single day. It's made our garden unusable for us. I can't hang out washing or just garden or read in peace.

I hate it. Why do people have to be so bloody selfish?

What about my right to use my garden in peace?

Talkinpeace Mon 27-May-13 22:17:35

have you asked them first?
I did and my lovely, peaceful neighbours admitted that it annoyed them but we settled on 1/2 hour of loud and then quiet : everybody happy

I took to leaning over the fence and saying : I've got laundry up, could you shout before you light, otherwise could I use your tumble drier ... it worked

HamsterDam Mon 27-May-13 22:37:57

never thought of asking, its not loud but they can hear it, it wouldn't bother me if they wanted to play music on their side. part and parcel of living close yo people, sometimes i hear him playing his guitars other times they do diy. its not all day everyday im out most of the time

Wiifitmama Mon 27-May-13 22:57:28

We have had major issues with our neighbours and loud music (among many other things). Particularly in the garden. Luckily for us, they are housing association tenants. I say luckily because we actually have some recourse that way (through the housing association antisocial behaviour team). If they were private tenants, it would be much harder to deal with. We spent our first year here fighting hard against the housing association to take responsibility for their tenants. Persistence with both them, and the councils noise team, worked. They have a noise abatement order against them and were on the brink of eviction. They are now mostly under control.

I learned a lot from the experience. Firstly, what constitutes noise nuisance. Children's noise, no matter how loud, is not noise nuisance. Music is, but it is not necessarily against the rules of a noise abatement order to play music in the garden. It is somewhat subjective as to how loud it needs to be to be a nuisance. Swearing is noise nuisance. If we (or our kids) can hear it, they should not be doing it.

I also learned you have to be very persistent. Keep records and if you email the council housing people, copy in the noise team. The housing association in our case tried to make us believe that we were the only people ever to complain. They changed their tune when we copied them into an email from the noise team detailing the proceedings already taking place. Don't be fobbed off and told that you should just speak to them. In our case, the neighbours were extremely abusive and we stopped engaging with them. We then found out that the noise team from the council have a note on file that they must take police back up if they attend that property due to the aggression.

I realise this all sounds horrible. But the happy ending is that we live in relative peace now (as much as is possible with neighbours like that). We pretend they don't exist as much as possible. They know they are on thin ice. On the few occasions when things get out of hand noise wise (rarely now)" we call the noise team. And we also realise that a moderate level of music playing in the garden by them, while considered antisocial by us, is normal on a sunny weekend in London.

twofingerstoGideon Tue 28-May-13 07:10:39

never thought of asking, its not loud but they can hear it, it wouldn't bother me if they wanted to play music on their side. part and parcel of living close yo people

Ah the old 'it would bother me...' argument.

If everyone considered their neighbour, intrusive noise wouldn't be 'part and parcel' of living close to people.

jamdonut Thu 30-May-13 10:54:14

I brought my children up to have respect for their neighbours, and other people in general, in the same way as my parents taught me.

My neighbour the other side is an old lady in her 70's. She has always complimented me and the children on how well they play together.She feels sorry me!

I just think subjecting people to music you like, especially in gardens that are in close proximity,like ours (terraced houses) is grossly unfair.

As for child noise...I guess I have to put up with it. I have this sort of noise at school all day,then to come home to children (who don't go to my school) who can't speak to each other without hollering and roaring,and parents who yell down the garden at them....well,it shreds your nerves.

Also...trampolines....every other garden has them (not ours!) and all you can hear is the continuous squeaking and thudding. I'm sorry, but it is like torture to me.

Me and DH love our garden,he is a keen gardener,but it totally takes the joy away from having one when you can't enjoy it due to other people's 'couldn't-care-less-' attitudes.

loofet Thu 30-May-13 11:29:57

Not sure about this one.

I think people have a right to play their music in their garden on a nice day if they want and that's their right to do so. I think as long as it's not persistent noise making e.g all night parties or a dog that barks all day then there's no reason to complain. I think it's only a breach of the peace if it's early in the morning (like my MIDDLE AGED neighbours playing loud music at 8 a.m angry.) or late at night and thus disturbing sleep.

Imo it's all part of living close to people. But I can see why you'd be annoyed at that awful taste in music grin.

NewGirlInTown Thu 30-May-13 11:36:45

Lots of talk about RIGHTs and nothing about neighbourliness, consideration and good manners.
Loofet, where precisely is this "right" you speak of, enshrined?
Living close to people surely means you recognise you absolutely do NOT have the "right" to inflict your lifestyle choices on them?

Binkybix Thu 30-May-13 11:46:46

But people who can't tolerate any music at all are imposing their lifestyle choices on people by expecting them not to enjoy their garden in the way they want, too. Lots of childless people may well find children shrieking very annoying, but that that seems generally accepted here. Surely there's a middle ground to be found in both cases?

As I've said I'm on the fence here, and think it has to be about give and take when you get two neighbours who have different ways they like to enjoy their outside space. Persistent or loud music would not be on for me, but I would find the odd occasion of playing music at a low volume reasonable.

quoteunquote Thu 30-May-13 11:50:23
alabasterangel Thu 30-May-13 12:01:18

YANBU. You have my sympathies. Agreed you should politely ask them, although I know how much you don't want to. If you do go down the route of asking for subsequent help from the EH dept at the council, please be aware that you will have to declare that you have had noise issue to any buyer of your house in future. Fair that, isn't it? angry

We have to listen to next doors radio, loudly, from their open back door when the weather is anything other than arctic. If she's in, the radio is on and the door is open. Her backdoor is 6m max from mine and facing mine. Inside my kitchen, bedroom, bathroom or living room I can hear every word of every song, news bulletins, travel reports. I can't sit outside without having to hear it even louder. We've approached them. I've been told I'm being unreasonable 'because it's only a radio'.

I can't stand it when others tell me I should live in the middle of nowhere/a field. Yes please, I'd bloody love to. Unfortunately we, and they, cannot afford to live in a house which isn't attached to another house. We are considerate of this, they are not. It is your right to enjoy your home as you wish, and theirs, but they are stopping us from doing that. We can't stop them but they stop us. I can't decide whats worse; being so inconsiderate that it just doesnt occur to you that others don't want to hear your noise, or that they just don't care if it is a nuisance. I don't expect to hear silence or nothing but birdsong and ticking clocks, but other peoples forcefed music for several hours a day, even at a moderate volume, is unfair.

jamdonut Thu 30-May-13 14:34:23

alabasterangel that sounds awful. And shock at having to declare the noise issue!!

jamdonut Thu 30-May-13 14:35:06

quoteunquote Good idea lol smile

frillyflower Sun 02-Jun-13 10:53:35

Our constantly barbecuing neighbours have now bought an ugly trampoline with a big black net and their neighbours have bought one too.

Now our garden even more unusable.

Thump thump shriek shriek. Stinking smoke. Yesterday we had loud music all day too.

Nice for them though as we have lovely pretty quiet garden full of blossom and flowers.

Makes me want to get a siren and blast it at them at five minute intervals for 24 hours.

quoteunquote Sun 02-Jun-13 11:48:49

I thing all MN should play the above link at midday today.

NewGirlInTown Sun 02-Jun-13 14:26:48

Frilly flower, I feel your pain. Why can't these wretched people end up living next door to one another. Nowhere seems safe from such lack of consideration.

jamdonut Sun 02-Jun-13 20:51:30

Frillyflower- sounds almost like our neighbours, although they are not constantly barbecuing - they just have loads of noisy friends over,with equally noisy children who apparently don't get on with each other, judging by the screaming and crying!

TinBox Sun 02-Jun-13 20:52:45

I really struggle to understand how people can be so uptight about normal everyday noise.

I do sometimes play my radio in the garden on a nice day. But not loud, just loud enough for me to hear as I keep it close to me.

This is an issue that requires consideration on both sides. People shouldn't have music excessively loud, but equally, it isn't fair for some people to expect others not to have some music at a reasonable level if they want.

Boomba Sun 02-Jun-13 21:23:49


you lot would have a BLUE FIT!! if you lived in my house. From 3 different sides today I have had reggae, spanish guitars and what i can only describe as 'german death metal'

I enjoy it though

i find it completely mental, that people would desire peace and quiet all the time to the extent that you would put in a formal complaint; without even telling the 'offenders' that it bothers you!! NUTS!

TinBox Sun 02-Jun-13 21:29:18

I agree with you Boomba.

Today I've heard lots of different music, someone practising the accordion, neighbours chatting in the garden.

I like hearing people getting on with their happy lives around me. It makes me feel like I am part of a vivacious community, and would cheer me up if I was feeling sad or lonely.

If any of this annoyed me, I would speak to the 'offender' personally before I did anything as drastically passive aggressive as put in a formal complaint.

BriansBrain Sun 02-Jun-13 21:35:11

I don't see anything wrong in having music playing on a sunny afternoon in the garden.

It's no worse than lawn mowing, dogs barking or children laughing/bickering during play.

HalfSpamHalfBrisket Sun 02-Jun-13 21:38:58

My next door neighbours do not work, and with the faintest ray of sun they are outside in the afternoon and evening drinking beer and shrieking (and playing music, of course). They then invite friends over to shriek with them. Then, as the blokes get shoutier and swearier, the children start screaming. Then the blokes start to deliberately wind the children up.
I dream of just lying in the sun, in peace. I work in a school and used to be able to come home and have 1/2 an hour before starting work but I don't even bother trying now.

exoticfruits Sun 02-Jun-13 22:37:48

It is a lot worse , BriansBrain. I have no objection to normal, everyday life,but having to suffer other people's music choice is quite different and completely unnecessary- they can have earphones and not inflict it on others.

Binkybix Sun 02-Jun-13 22:47:52

I think the point is that music is a lot worse than children screaming from your point if view, but not necessarily for others, which is where the give ant take comes into it.

If you've got a few people round then obviously headphones don't work, and they're not necessarily practical if doing something active in the garden.

Boomba Sun 02-Jun-13 22:56:35

the neighbours at the bottom of our garden seem to have an endless party in the summer and play godawful 80s rock ballards....they are very quick to growl at my kids for screeching/harrassing the cat/climbing on the wall etc

TinBox Sun 02-Jun-13 23:08:44

I don't see hearing a bit of other people's music as "completely unnecessary". It's just part and parcel of living in a community. I don't think everyone should have to listen to everything through headphones - that seems very bossy and restrictive.

So many people on MN seem so het up about music and general noise that I just can't understand it. I feel like they would like every house to be a self-contained pod with a soundproof glass dome around it. And a thirty foot fence around that. And an ever present neighbour control squad ready to mobilise at the touch of a button to evict anyone talking in more than a whisper.

Boomba Sun 02-Jun-13 23:13:17

Agree tin that its just part of being human.

what I also dont get, is a reluctance to say something, if it is realy bothering you. How are people supposed to know if you dont tell them confused

alienbanana Sun 02-Jun-13 23:25:01

DS took his little CD player out into the garden and was listening to music. How dare he smile

googlyeyes Sun 02-Jun-13 23:52:28

Boomba, why should the onus be on the 'innocent' party to risk a confrontation rather than on those making the noise? Why would you feel that others would ever want to listen to the same music as you unless you had expressly asked them rather than conveniently cop out by assuming their silence equals consent?

We had nightmare neighbours for a while and no way on earth would I have approached them. Largely on the basis that if they were twisted enough to not know, or more likely, not care, that they were wrecking our sanity then they were hardly likely to take well to being approached.

Plus there was our fear of having to declare a dispute when we came to sell.

TinBox Mon 03-Jun-13 00:02:51

There is a big difference between 'nightmare neighbours' and people casually enjoying a little music.

Playing a bit of music is a perfectly normal, reasonable and everyday activity. Of course people do not have to ask the express permission of everyone around them before they do so - that would be ridiculous.

Boomba Mon 03-Jun-13 00:24:03

googly i dont even really know how to answer you. It is so foreign a concept to me, that people would routinely object to music in the garden on a sunny day. I cant fathom, that you would expect people to just know that you expected silence all around you, at all times. It is very likely that not everyone within earshot is going to actively enjoy the music, but ...meh...i just dont get it confused

like I say; my neighbours object to my kids and their antics a fair bit. They tell them off; thats fine, then the kids know that they are upsetting the neighbours and generally stoppit. I dont tell them off because I couldnt forsee, that what ever it is they are doing would be irritating

Boomba Mon 03-Jun-13 00:26:07

and raising an objection doesnt need to be a confrontation does it? equally, you dont need to have your complaint 'on record' and declare it when you sell the house confused

I am forever mysified on MN, that people seem so unable to communicate with people around them...confused

RealAleandOpenFires Mon 03-Jun-13 00:37:16

For music annoyance, try 12 hours of solid (c)rap/house or someother modern shit and that was dec 31 6pm til 1 jan 6 am this year, outside in their garden.

If it occurs this year, I think I'll make a FB announcement saying something like "free party @ X XXXXXXXXXX XXXXX" & then let the tenents deal with the fall out. Or call the cops saying there is party @ X XXXXXXXXXX XXXXX and I can smell dope being smoked.

Boomba Mon 03-Jun-13 00:43:51

Really? You object to a NYE party??

Youd get laughed out of town, if you phoned the police with that line on NYE, here

ReturnOfEmeraldGreen Mon 03-Jun-13 00:52:25

Are you in Scotland, Boomba? Loud music outside 6pm - 6am is excessive in a residential area. Lots of people aren't bothered about NYE, it would show more consideration to take it indoors after the bells or better still go clubbing instead.

TinBox Mon 03-Jun-13 00:55:18

Complaining about a NYE party is ridiculous - and it would get you nowhere, quite rightly.

You might as well complain about Christmas Carols at Christmas.

I don't know what the pursed-lipped 'no consideration' crowd would realistically settle for. A joyless, silent world?

TinBox Mon 03-Jun-13 00:55:53

What's Scotland got to do with it anyway?

ReturnOfEmeraldGreen Mon 03-Jun-13 00:59:09

Just curious, NYE is a much bigger deal up there. I grew up there but don't miss it.

Boomba Mon 03-Jun-13 00:59:27

Yeah, I don't celebrate NYE and am generally in bed by 10pm but its NYE!!!!! I don't expect everyone to be as miserable as me! It's an exception huh? If it wad every weekend for 12 hours, that's different

No, not in Scotland. Why do you ask?

Maybe, its about where you live. This is generally quite a noisy busy place, lots of street parties, lots of celebrations....

ReturnOfEmeraldGreen Mon 03-Jun-13 01:08:32

I lived in a busy, built-up inner city neighbourhood for 8 years. Most people were lovely and there was always something interesting going on, but the constant racket of loud car stereos driving by, neighbours holding loud parties unexpectedly and other petty annoyances like passers-by stuffing rubbish in our hedge (unwanted CD? Fork? Miniature JD bottle that sheared into fragments and shot out everywhere when DH hit it with electric hedge trimmer?) eventually got us down and I now really enjoy peace and quiet elsewhere. So I guess I am sympathetic to people who get twitchy about noise because it makes your environment feel much tougher and more unpredictable, and that can really wear you down after a while.

RealAleandOpenFires Mon 03-Jun-13 01:17:25

Boomba - Damn right I object to a solid 12 hour "rave" in Suburia!.

TinBox Mon 03-Jun-13 17:35:22

It sounds like it was a one off for New Year. How can it annoy you so much?

A move to suburbia isn't a move into a retirement community. Lots of people live in the suburbs, not all of them are there by choice so it's unfair to assume they have the same values as you.

Leeds15 Sat 27-Jul-13 14:58:37

I can't believe so many people are having same problem as I am - neighbours thinking they can make as much noise as they like and making it unbearable to sit out on the rare chance I get on a weekend - feel a bit better knowing there are others in same boat - maybe we should all move into the same street ! Unfortunately we live in a society where so many people do not give a damn about those around them.we have 4 kids but I have always taught them to respect those around them and to keep their noise down in and out of the house so as not to annoy the neighbours - if I had the means I would move to another country where hopefully people are more considerate

zatyaballerina Sat 27-Jul-13 16:14:03

I hate people who are so inconsiderate, selfish and anti social that they inflict their (always terrible, the worse the taste, the louder the music) on everybody. One idiot moves into the community and everybody suffers, that's not fair. There should be special communities for hideously noisy, anti socials to live together where they could make as much noise as they want, as long as they want, at any time they want as far away as possible from civilised people.

People like this will never 'get' it, they think that because they like their noise and it's ok with them if others make an inappropriate level of noise that they're entitled to ruin everybody else's day. They're either too stupid or too selfish to understand how irritating they are to the rest of the world.

I wouldn't tell them directly, if they're selfish enough to inflict it on you then they won't care if they're disturbing or upsetting you, better to complain to people who'll force them to do something about it.

To the minority of idiots on this thread trying to justify their anti social behaviour by accusing everybody else of being 'joyless'; there's nothing joyful about living near people like you, you are the ones who suck the joy out of other peoples day and ruin the reputation of good neighbourhoods, get over yourselves and stop inflicting yourself on others. Nobody wants to hear you.

Whothefuckfarted Sat 27-Jul-13 17:16:15

Christ, never thought i'd see the day someone was being flamed for having a BBQ or a party in their own garden on a lovely summer afternoon/evening.

As long as it's not going on every weekend I think YABU and should cut them some slack. The fact that they are HA and you are house owners is neither here nor there.

Just makes you sound a bit snobby.

GameSetAndMatch Sat 27-Jul-13 17:33:00

totes agree with Zata.

AudrinaAdare Sat 27-Jul-13 18:36:00

I just find it baffling. If you want to listen to music, listen to music. If you want to converse with people, do that. Why try to do both at the same time and have your music so loud that your guests have to sit in the garden shouting over it and causing even more of a nuisance for everyone? confused

Loud music and stilted conversation in clubs having formed the basis for many a poor choice of man when I was younger

GameSetAndMatch Sat 27-Jul-13 19:09:32

Tinbox can i ask - genuine question-do you play loud music in your garden yourself or you live in a totally quiet street?

no ones saying people cant liste to their music, but as a another poster said it IS crap for one, and the whole street dont need to be subjected all hours.

Bumblequeen Sat 27-Jul-13 19:58:36

My neighbours have four dc and during the summer are out in their garden from 7.30/8am until 7pm. If they have guests they stay out until much later. They drink, play music and the children scream, cry and shout. They do not seem to go on day trips at all- just school and home. Sometimes I dread the summer months and am glad when it rains.

Dh says that I am unsociable and could live on a desert island. If we could afford it I would live in a detached house.

ConstantCraving Sat 27-Jul-13 21:29:43

I dread summer because of the noise. I HATE listening to other people's music when I'm in my garden. I would never play music outside and even indoors keep it low if the windows are open. Surely that's just being considerate? Can't believe the number of people on here who think its fine to sit in the garden with their music blaring for everyone else to 'enjoy'.

AudrinaAdare Sat 27-Jul-13 22:00:08

I always turn my car music right down (although it is never that loud) when driving through villages and populated areas. Especially when turning into the development I live in which is just off a busy a-road.

I once went outside raving like a madwoman and complained when a van turned up with music blaring and they left it on while fixing whatever needed doing two doors down. To be fair, I had been up with DS all night and he had just gone to sleep at two p.m, but people work shifts / are ill and perhaps don't want to be forced to listen to shite rap while they are in their own homes disturbing nae fucker angry

deakymom Sun 28-Jul-13 00:15:09

we have issues with our neighbours over this he also allows his overweight son to bounce naked on the trampoline which they have just moved right next to our fence he only does it because last year he had a girl living with them so she decided to sunbathe on the shed roof facing our garden (not there own) and it set my son off yelling about tits in the garden so now his son is flashing his bits off and whenever my son goes to bed he starts shouting by the fence its only a short garden and because we have the window open we can hear everything they also had a dog that would bark constantly so i reported it i had enough of it waking the baby up

honestly these people even jumped the fence to swipe food last year i saw the girls butt and my food disappearing over the fence total nightmare
but today when they were playing there music loud i suggested random things to my husband (loud enough to hear) like water bomb the cd player and move house and exchange with some really bad travellers the music suddenly dipped to a reasonable level? hmmmm

cuntingrimmer08 Sun 28-Jul-13 06:52:21

Music in gardens part of summer, loud and persistent music into the early hours is anti social . My neighbours like to have their surround sound so loud it can be heard over our tv . Also on at 4.00 in the morning so I can actually hear dialogue . That's unacceptable IMO .

I don't mind a bit of music in the garden occasionally, I DO however object to being kept awake at night by the incredibly loud classic music that one neighbour insists on singing along to, late into the night. It's inside his house but with his windows open, even if we shut ours it still wakes the children up. And don't get me started on lawn mowers etc! grin

exoticfruits Sun 28-Jul-13 07:19:18

I can never understand why anyone thinks it is OK to play music in their garden- it is antisocial to inflict it on others.

FacebookWanker Sun 28-Jul-13 07:43:35

Some people aren't approachable so it's not always as simple as just talking to them.

loud music can be a problem and very stressful if it's keeping you awake night after night...

yoshipoppet Sun 28-Jul-13 09:04:26

Since the weather has been warm we've had this all day and all evening from one house.

What's really bugging me about it is, it's the same bloody record all the time. If they'd change it about a bit it wouldn't be so irritating.

i would presume that any music i played in the garden was more likely to annoy my neighbours than please them.

happyreindeer Sun 28-Jul-13 12:50:06

yoshipoppet I know what you mean. Our neighbour years ago used to play ub40`s red red wine over and over. Our neighbours now are great if they play music it is very low and does not last long.Awful for the op and others to have to pout up with this.

Beastofburden Sun 28-Jul-13 14:27:42

The thing is, if you are someone who genuinely enjoys having music on around you at all times, you will genuinely not mind hearing other people's music either. And you are probably quite good at tuning it out.

It can be hard to put yourself into the shoes of someone for whom music (or any kind of noise) is a very active choice, and if it is on, you can't really do anything else. That means that if it is music you don't enjoy, or is on too long, or at the wrong time, it is miserable. There is quite a lot of evidence that more extroverted types just experience noise differently- they notice it less and retain it less, and that's why they dont get as overwhelmed at parties and so forth as introverted people do.

People will definitely be too shy to say something, because they expect aggression back. Sometimes they would be right about that, sometimes not.

As a rule, I would say that if your neighbours don't choose to play loud music in their garden, it's probably something they don't like, and so they are probably bothered if you do.

I think for there to be some mutual understanding about this, both types of people need to recognise that the other type experiences it very differently from the way they do.

GameSetAndMatch Sun 28-Jul-13 18:03:39

But apart from the fact they shouldnt be blasting the noise, why is it ALWAYS drum n bass stuff? always. not even decent stuff.

I just shouted across the fence as next doors brats kiddiewinks have been screaming like banshees all day. ALL day. okay, rathert hat than er- music is it?

but after 7 hours of it, not even nice laughy pretty kiddy noise, I shouted ''gosh i feel like caling social services ina minute, those kids sound like theyre being tortured''.seriously sounded like it, but I was joking, yet the person 'responsible' just asked them to stop the noise!

at last.

Beastofburden Sun 28-Jul-13 22:59:05

Lol agree but then I only like classical music so I always assume I am just BU about other people's music. Bloody kids, bring back good traditional British summer rain, eh?

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